Tricks or Treats

Last chapter I sent out various family members out at a time for wants and Get Out moodlets, then Kay, Loathing and Fear became teenagers and Truth, Terror and Horror became children.1Speaking of teenagers they’re already out doing teenager things.

Loathing: “The officer is making you ride in the back because you told him you’d feed his soul to HarChauka the Soul Consumer.”

Fear: “Well yeah?  I was.”

Loathing: “Yeah.  That’s why I get frontsies.”

Fear: “Well fuck”2Euphoria: “GROUNDED!!!  UNTIL THE DAY BEFORE PROM!!! THEN I’LL let you go so you can go”

Loathing: “Don’t mind me I’m just gonna slink away before she notices”3Euphoria: “Oh no.  He doesn’t get off Scott free like he thinks he is.  He’s getting Shrew Duty.”

Fear: “I hate this house.”4Euphoria: “HE’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY FOR A FORTNIGHT AND IF YOU SO MUCH AS SHIRK YOUR RESPONSIBILITY YOU GET THE BELT, AND TRUST ME, HE WILL TELL ME IF YOU SHIRK IT”

Loathing: “Why do you even HAVE a shrew”5Happiness: “I got a good feeling about this work.  I’m going to name it “Tatiana’s Back in the House Again”.  After Tatiana.  Who’s back in the house again.”

She BETTER be on her fuckin way out too.6Good.  Stay out.

Tatiana: “:(“7Jesus, I had Euphoria let the kids off the hook and left for only a moment to make sure Tatiana had thoroughly fucked off, and THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING LOATHING

Loathing: “You have no control over me!  You think you’re “letting me off the hook” I let mySELF off the hook.”8Euphoria: “HOW DARE you strike me, young man!!! You’re GROUNDED!! AGAIN!!  As soon as I figure out how to ground you manually, you can FORGET even GOING TO PROM!!  You totally lost that privilege and THEN SOME!!”9Loathing: “YOU can’t TELL me what to DO!!  You’re NOT my REAL MOM!!!”

Euphoria: “I AM your mother, and YOU should be grateful I AM your mother and not who abandoned you and your brother as a baby in the FIRST PLACE!!  DANG IT!! IF I wasn’t such a nice person I’d pack you off to a military school, like a REAL strict one, and not the soft fun-time army school your brother went to!!!  Now go pet that shrew and think about what you’ve done!!!”10Rocket: “You stupid FUCK!  Don’t you realize what you’ve done?!  Now we won’t get to go to prom!! I was going to let you rail me behind the photo backdrop and everything!!”

Loathing: “What I have done is more important than sex, Rocket.  It’s to set the groundwork for the future of this Empire.”11Rocket: “You shove your empire, Loathing.  You fucking shove it, hard and good, dammit.  I wanted to get laid tomorrow and you BLEW IT.”

Loathing: “Well then why don’t YOU go and shove it!!  Since you want your stuffing stuffed THAT badly!!”12Malice: “I’m so glad I got to leave before I had to really hear all the details about Loathing having sex with his doll.”

The crying child in the foreground is my great grandchild Shannon.

Shannon: “I’M SAD BECAUSE I’M RELATED TO YOUUUU”

Horror: “Lol loser.”13Famine: “Um, what are we doing all the way out here?”

Pestilence: “It’s a fieldtrip, numbnuts.  God forbid we miss another field trip and the game calls us out on it.”

Malice: “But a fieldtrip AFTER the school hours?  I think the supervisors effed up on this one.”14Famine: “Yeah I can’t care.  I’m going to do my homework instead so I get a perfect GTA on my record.”

Malice: “He’s not going to be anywhere near a GPA if he thinks that and that are the same thing.”

And of course I always get the ever so common “yOuR cHiLd MiSsEd A sChOoL FiElDtRiP” message that I never get relief from.15Love: “I see you had to finally delve down and begin inventing, hon.”

Euphoria: “Just had this itch I had to take care of.  I’m so happy you came out here to support my newest endeavors, mother!”

Love: “Oh no, I actually don’t.  I’m really just out here to make sure this new shower is installed properly.  You’re definitely going to need it.”16Pain: “And I for one am out here to make sure that it ISN’T installed correctly.  Hehe.  I’m having fun.”

Euphoria: “Fun is what it’s all about in the end after all, isn’t it?”17Without the rocking chair, I think Betsy is the newest hangout for the ghosts.

Evelin: “Unclench, Jada.  I need the X shaped brander or I can’t play tic tac toe with the beef.”

Jada: “EEeee, ok but WATCH the fingers, they’re so cold!”18Happiness: “WHY are you still here, I thought we killed you gens ago!!”

Charles: “R̴̛̭͔̩̼͉̃̍͑̉̐̾͑̆̚̚̕E̶̞̝̳̙̮̣̜̣̼̒̿͆̀̕ͅͅĹ̷͈̼̩͚̻̪̗̀̋̇͌̋͂̉̋̑̕Ê̵̱͔̥͇̱̙̘͍̘̫̰̑̇̽͆͛̌̆̕͝͝ͅA̵̙͙͑̇̆̅̍̏̄̇̈́͘S̶̨̧̢̪̱͈̟͍̤̉̇̓͐̊́̃̋͛̚E̷̡̼̺̘͚͍͈͉̤͒̽̌̇ ̴̻͖̓̿T̶̨͕͖͖̿̍̀H̵̢̯͔̺̰̒̋͆͗̈Ê̶̤̤̝̙̞̗̻̱ ̵̨̩̙̜̞̠̦̟̰̠̜̹̟͍̀͂̑͊̊̋̽̔̋̌̔̐̊̓̎K̴͕̗̟̭͈̝̏̌̽̄͒̒̈̓̏͠R̵̤̫̳̜̬̭̠̦͓͚̯͖̞̯͌̊́ͅA̴̛̹̓̈͑̅͊̈́K̸̤͉̤̪̦̺̞̓̒͋̽̏E̸̢̱̹̗̝̪̳͇̳̹̐̉̾̓͛͘N̴̮̫̯͙͔͉̮̘̭̏́̏̏̒̅̕͜͠͠”19Happiness: “Yeah but really though for the love of GOD don’t die out here”

Euphoria: “Why does everyone think I’m going to hurt myself?!  I went to military school, they probably trained me on this kind of stuff!!”20It was inevitable.21War: “Hm.  I do believe it’s Spooky Day.  Pestilence still has his free activity choice to use so I think I’m going to follow him out for trick or treating tonight.”

Malice: “Yeah good luck with that.  Me and Styrofoam are going to have a long discussion right here in the hallway and we ain’t moving for that.”

War: “Yeah… why do you think I care about that?”22Pestilence: “MALICE!!  MOVE YOUR INVISIBLE FRIEND DOLL OUT OF MY WAY!! I CAN’T LEAVE THE HOUSE UNTIL HIS PRESENCE IS GONE!!”

Anguish: “Really”

Truth: “Yeah!  I want to go trick or treating too but between this hallway and this pet container, Styrofoam is also going to cause me to miss the good sized Snicker bars :(“23Somehow by miracle, Pestilence didn’t route fail and off they went for a first time Fallen trick or treat session!!

Famine: “Yeah… what exactly are we supposed to do for candy?”

Pestilence: “I think we were supposed to dress up as unrecognizable and rob these houses for their sugary goods?  I don’t know, this holiday doesn’t come with a manual.”

Outfits would have been cute but whatever, guys.24Also you guys couldn’t FUCKING LEAVE THE STUPID IFS AT THE FUCKING HOUSE?!?

Terror: “Herpesvirus wanted to trick or treat too :)”

Truth: “Strep Throat gets scared if I’m away from the house for too long.”25At least one of them found their way to the front door.

Pestilence: “This is cheap paneling.”26Pestilence: “Wow!!  You actually gave me candy?!  For FREE!?  I just thought this was a joke being played on me but now I LOVE Spooky day!!”

Man: “Yeah yeah, whatever gets you creatures off my front stoop faster.”27Terror: “Hurry guys!  Follow Pestilence!  He knows what he’s doing and he’s getting the goods!!”

Famine: “Don’t forget to share with us, brother!!”

Pestilence: “Whatever gets me home faster so I can wash out this miasma that’s beginning to melt my armpits.”28Pestilence: “Yeah, I don’t think anyone even lives at this hou-”

Truth: “QUICKLY YOU GUYS!  There’s a HOUSE across the street!  They probably have CANDY there instead!!”

Horror: “Leadership ended with PESTILENCE!! Now TRUTH is my new leader!!”

Famine: “I still believe in Pestilence’s leadership skills…”29Truth: “See?  House.”

Pestilence: “Yes yes I see that, HOW DO WE GET TO THE HOUSE, IT’S SURROUNDED BY THIS… BLACK BAR BARRIER.”

Terror: “Legend has it that a barrier such as this saved many a stupid townsfolk from a barrage of meteors on our neighbors house many many years ago.  If you believe such rumors.  If true though, we will never get inside and get the candy now…”30The rest of the kids gave up and went home, but Pestilence was able to find the gate and get just a little more candy before the night was over.

This guy: “Nice costume, kid!  I didn’t think it was possible to go as a sewage tank.”31Back at home, the one child that didn’t even make it out of the house had her birthday.32Aaah, she’s so cute.

Malice: “I grew up in the play area so I must be childish.”

I suppose so.33Happiness: “Awh, look at her!  She thinks she’s going to give me a spook.  I’ll humor her, I’ll let her think she got me to make her feel good.”34Malice: *Muffled blehing*

Crystal: “She does know she’s not in the house right?”

Happiness: “Well I tried to give her some credit for trying at least.”

And then prom happened and the other teens snuck off on me to go to it, including Loathing, the little shit.35Why… why would they VOTE for you, they don’t even KNOW YOU

giphy

36Loathing got the King counterpart.  I don’t know why I have a feeling he got it through threats and blackmail.37.1And I mean… I guess that’s alright.  Even though they were raised to be “siblings” technically, if Kay does become evil she’ll be an open option for spouse candidacy.37Of course.  OF COURSE she dresses for prom like she has never encountered a formal social event in her entire life with other people.38Loathing: “If I didn’t have to SNEAK out of the house when our bitch mom wasn’t looking, I could have grabbed something more formal than a damn house jacket to go to prom in!!”

Fear: “HAH!  Well at least I will look decent in my picture!  I at least TRIED!  Mom will probably hang your picture behind the shower backing so we won’t have to look at that embarrassing get up.”39Fear also got him a romantic interest in some throwaway teenager that I highly doubt will turn evil by her next birthday.  So I played with her genetics to make her at least interesting looking.40Quiana: “OOOH!!  Me next, me next!  I wanna do a make over!!”

Do I really have to…41Why must I torture myself so42Oh Pamela.  Pamela.  Why.  Why must you do this.

Pamela: “The prom theme was concession stand though…”43Justice: “Huh this isn’t my facebook account… I must have entered my password in wrong again…”44Justice: “Oh!  There are people talking to me on here?  Hello dearies!  I’m Justice, I’m just here to check on my social media accounts but I think I turned on Pain’s by accident.”45Justice: “Well I do like video games!  I think I’ll play some games for you, spend some time with you guys.  You seem like a fun bunch.  I hope I do a good job to entertain you and I hope you all have fun!”

And they say it was the highest viewer count of any of PainBabe’s streams to date 🙂46Anyway, Thanks Horror.  Just THANKS.

I’ll never trust you kids to go out trick or treating on your own ever again.  This is what you bring home to the house after I let you go out and have fun?  The future of Spooky Day is ruined because of you.  I’ll make sure future potential trick or treaters will have you to thank.47Anguish: “Fuck.  This is the last time I’ll ever attempt to do dishes again.  I’m blocked in until someone wakes up or rolls over…”

Ain’t nothing I can do to help right now.48INTERESTING.  This is a new notification.  I got it and instantly thought which update could it have gotten to support Covid prevention 49Pestilence: “I got the projectile shits.”

Apparently he’s got the flu and route failed at the front door.  Doesn’t really happen often.50What’s a child rented with disease to do on his day off from school?  Any Ferris Bueller related highjinks?

Ooor a long nap in the nearby library.  That works too.51Simone: “So brave.  So trusting of the public environment.  He will be my husband.”

No, Simone.  You’re way off.52Athena do something about your sister.  She’s giving a seven year old baby doll eyes.

Athena: “Hmmm… what if I marry Ernesto instead?  That might be fun.”

Ernesto: “Fuck YESSSSSSS”

Why do all the cutest sims I got got to marry the fuglies 😦53Joy, you’re my last hope in here.  Tell me you got good news.

Joy: “Uhhhh, this is my new baby, Adolfo.  Totally my child that I totally didn’t just steal from a passerby on the street.  Completely looks like me and everything.”

Sigh.  I’ll take your word on it.

Going Out

4I’m always on the hunt for new good/evil traited sims.

I found out that Athena had a pair of younger siblings.  Meet Simone Simon.  She shares the same father as her sister, Hyun-Moon, but apparently when her mother remarried, to fuckin’ KARL nonetheless, she got her name changed as well.  Because Odessa is stupid.

I may not have been able to get my hands on Athena this legacy.  But Simone is good, so I may not be completely out of luck just yet.5Quiana: “I’m also good!  Hi, I’m Quiana and I don’t eat glue I promise.”

I think like 80% of Tyrone’s lineage has been Good sims and it’s almost scary.  6Truth: “So Horror!  I also got a cute little IF but I don’t know what I should name him?  Wanna help me come up with a name for our new friend?”7Horror: “Why don’t you just get strep throat and die already :)”

Truth: “Strep Throat huh?  I have no idea what that is, but it sounds so cool!  Strep Throat is his name then!”8Oh fuck, what’s THIS?!  Someone in his household has actually been able to USE A BED?!

Well don’t be shy everyone!  Come forward, who was it?!  Please, do it again, I BEG YOU9Judd: “Thank you for your daily contribution to my food fund!  Your donation will gratefully end up in my stomach!”

Pain: “God Judd is so dumb sometimes.  I laced that lollypop with the “good drugs” so she’d go to sleep for a while, but I guess I got to go get more now…”10Mayhem: “Ooh you guys going on a roadtrip?!  Can I come along?  Please.  I’m so miserable out here.”

Pain: “Sorry sis, I’ve filled up in the trunk with so many kids that I got two of them hanging on the underside of the car as it is!  Maybe another trip when I give a crap.”11Pain: “Alright.  I released the little shits into the ocean.  When does the fun commence.”

Pestilence: “The fact that you even wanted to do anything with us at ALL is a testament to the definition of amazing as it is, Pain.”12Pain: “Splash in the ocean with me, Famine.  I require fun.  I require fun with you specifically.”

Famine: “Please, if I don’t get sleep, I’ll be splashing around in the ocean in all the wrong reasons soon…”

Pain: “Eh, that sounds fun in it’s own way too.”13Pestilence: “Hello.  My name is Pestilence, but you can call me Pestilence.  I see you also look like you’d struggle with UV rays and figured we could be friends.”

He’s got the spirit.14Pain: “My mom took me out on a boat ride like this when I was just older than you, kid, and you’re the lucky chosen one I have also decided to go out on a boat ride with.”

Famine: “Yeah but did you have to run over my siblings as well while we were out here?”

Pain: “Yeah?  There’s no fun unless a Pedestrian Game is involved.”15Kay: “Gasp!!  Daddy?  Is that you?!  I’m so happy you came out to spend time with me, I haven’t seen you since I was a baby, and I can’t remember that since I was a baby.”

Jackie: “The water refractions give me a big booty bedonkadonk :)”16Jackie: “Open Ocean, Ahoy!!”

Kay: “Daddy, please don’t leave me again… it’s me, your kid Kay…  Daddy?…”

She immediately turned tail and headed home after this.  Jackie totally sucks after all.17Ach.  I can’t look away for a second can I.

Fear: “Pain doesn’t even know who I was fighting, so someone among us is a dirty little snitch me thinks.”18Fear: “The second my half hour time out is wrapped up, I’m going to sacrifice her to a demon I swear this…”

Pain: “Big nap time”19I couldn’t figure out who Fear even had a fight with, but he has a negative relationship with his sister Malice, so I’m guessing it’s with her.

Malice: “I told him that Frenchie was never dead, he just didn’t want to talk to a loser like him and I ended up getting Frenchie’s reincarnation because he’d rather hang with a cool kid like me so we smacked each other with pizza pans until he went on on his beach trip.”

Styrofoam: “That’s so damn funny.”20Why there’s even a bed at the beach here is a mystery unto itself, but the fact that Famine is the closest person in a long time to even come close to fully USING a bed is a fucking miracle.21War: “You’re taking us out for dinner?  Wow, Mrs. Pain.  This really is turning out to be an awesome outing!”

Famine: “Yeah, it’s almost like you actually have some feelings towards us for some reason some how.”

Pain: “Why do I even want to be out here with these gremlins”22Famine: “I do wish she had let me take a longer nap than I did.  I’m so tired now I got the shakes.”

Fear: “Well why don’t you go curl up in the sleeping bag with your new MoMmY since you’re so keen on Mrs. Pain now for trying to win us over with this pointless outing.”

Pain: “Big nap time part 2: electric boogaloo”23Famine: “Dude she just took you to the beach and bought you a burger.  What’s the deal you got against Ms. Pain?”

Fear: “Don’t you think it’s weird how she has this weird maternal attitude towards us sometimes, and other times she’d rather dump us off on literally anyone within range?  All I’m saying is I don’t trust her for one moment.  Even the Unseen One doesn’t seem to be fond of her, and that’s saying something.”

Pestilence: “Oh Pollo Ranchero you’re full of sea water and smell like fish piss :(“24Famine: “Well… you still like me right?  We’re still buddies…”

Fear: “Sigh… yes, Brother Famine.  We are still buddies.”

War: “LET THE SKY RENDER ASUNDER AND RELEASE THE END TIMES UPON US ALL”

Pain: “Zzz earplugs work wonders zzz”25Back at home Loathing begins the birthday ritual for the twins tonight.

Loathing: “I’m so thrilled to grow up in this poorly lit hallway all on my lonesome!!”26Our lad Loathing is now, on top of being an evil neurotic coward, is also hot-headed, which is starting to shape up to be a very volatile mix of traits from the sounds of it.  Kinda like the kind of guy that’ll try to beat the shit out of someone until someone starts popping off…27Fear: “Loathing had to grow up in a dimly lit hallway but at least he’s not growing up in a pitch black alleyway in his underwear…”

Famine: “Well no one said you HAD to take your clothes off, Fear…”28Fear: “Behold, Brother Famine.  For I have evolved into a shirt.”

Famine: “Hm.  Looks like a shirt you’d find in a pitch black alleyway too.”29A better look at Fear now that he’s home.  His traits seem to continue to go in the opposite direction of his brother’s, and he’s now excitable along all else.  But I will say, I have yet to see that face do anything to express any level of thrill…g30Here are the twins alongside each other for comparison funsies.  Personally if I hadn’t known they were twins I wouldn’t have even been able to tell.31Jesus that side eye though.

Fear: “His cool guy get up is lavish and showy.  The Unseen One is still disappointed in him.”

Loathing: “Yeah I’m still scared of that shit :)”32Crystal: “Oh good!!  I see you’ve grown up so well.  And so capable now!!  Well now that you’re a big boy, help mommy with the babies now while I take a break, ok?  Thanks hon, you’re the best!  Night night!”

Fear: “Wh-wait I didn-I’m n-WHY DIDN’T YOU ASK LOATHING TO DO THIS SHIT HE’S THE ONE THAT WAS HERE FIRST”33Euphie’s kinda quiet this chapter.  Working really hard on getting skills for a new promotion.  Although she’s either working on a hospital bill or trying to evolve into a crab.  Not sure yet which.34Loathing: “Ooh Rocket Scientist?  Is that you?  Damn, you wouldn’t believe the wet dream I just had about you…”

Judd: “The FUCK how I did NOT want to hear about this nasty shit on my way to breakfast.”35Euphoria: “Well grab that breakfast to go, private!  We got some major drills this morning!  Come, Judd, we got to get there bright an early today!”

Judd: “Awh, the shit I wanna go… tell them I still got gastroastrobuttinmyeyetis, I ain’t going in today.”

Euphoria: “Okilie Dokilie!!”36Still scouring the locals.  Not a viable canidate, but I think I adore how Joy’s daughter Pamela is actually turning out.37Malice: “My favorite is cousin Joe.  Look at the cock he has in his eyebrows.  You know he beats puppies in his sparetime.”

Yeah, go figure the rare evil sim in town is a first gen cousin.  Sucks because he does look like he’s shaping up to be so cool.38Brianna: “A lot cooler than the good kids.  Eboni’s such a good kid, but that doesn’t stop the others for bullying her on the playground because she was born with no eyelashes.”

And she’s my simself’s kid with that fuckin Julian mime guy before he kicked the bucket.  Poor kid gets the worst of two worlds.39I tried my best.  She’s ok.

Brianna: “Gurl we all know dem eyelashes fake”40I see Kay and Belial are still getting along so well.

Belial: “APEX PREDATORRRR”

Kay: “Ow my nipple, watch the claws”41Pestilence: “Shit, you followed us home.  Now we will never get rid of you.”

Eboni: “Nice Barbie eyesore kitchen knobhead.  What, did your mom design this trainwreck?”

Pestilence: “Actually it was yours.”

I DID MY BEST OK42Euphoria: “Thank you SO much for the promotion, Judd!  You really are the best boss any girl could ever wish for!!”

Judd: “Hey, it’s no problem, that’s what I do.  I think.  Even though I have no idea what you’re talking about.”43Birth Day for Kay.

Kay: “Do I look alright?!”

Eboni: “You’re a total catch, babe!”

She’s brooding now.44Then Pain finally had a wish for her mid life crisis (oddly enough I hadn’t had a lot of those wishes in the past due to them vanishing very quickly before I could make room for them), so now she wants to beef up.

Pain: “Lots of my followers have fetishes for them buff girls, so a girls got to do what a girls got to do.  Granted I don’t actually know what my followers have fetishes for, but I got to go where the money flows…”45Euphoria: “And I will support you all the way!  GO, PAIN!  FEEL THE PAIN, PAIN!! TEACH THOSE WEIGHTS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO FEEL ACTUAL PAIN!!”

Pain: “Oh god the hernia eeee”46Euphoria: “OH GOD NO THAT IS SO sad”

I’m pretty sure Simone lived in the house with her mother AND Athena so why she can’t live on with her sister is kinda disheartening.  I figured Athena would be better than that than to kick out her sister…47Pain: “Well I’m this close to kicking Crystal out too if she don’t fuck the fuck off!!  Hoe!!  WAKE UP!  Some of us have to take a post workout dump around here!”48Judd: “So what the fuck am I doing out here in the middle of the night with you guys again?”

Euphoria: “Pain said Crystal wanted to go out for a while so we all took a trip downtown for the fun of it!”

Crystal: “That’s NOT what Pain said, Pain dragged me out by the sleeping bag and tried to stuff me in the trashcan and said that I was going away forever now, how did you manage to twist up the words that badly?”

Actually in between getting juiced, Pain wanted to get a makeover at the salon, which may or may not explain the jack up job that is her outerwear.50Happiness: “Well he didn’t have to come along!  He’s a total geed!  What a dork, amirite!?”

Judd: “Crisis mode activating”51Happiness: “Nah I’m just joshing with you dude you know it’s all in good fun though, right?”

Judd: “You really are a stupid sack of shit and a complete asshole… I dig it.”52Pain: “Crystal I chose you to help me with my new look because I don’t trust those two boynerds or that knob Euphie, so do you think you can help this?”

Crystal: “Gurl, you came to the right woman.  I’m going to have you looking so snatch, people won’t question your age ever again!”

Pain: “I sure hope you know what you’re doing outfit wise then, because you sure don’t know jack about hygiene”53Crystal: “Ok so like… yeah no I don’t know the first thing about vogue, I don’t even have pants on today Pain”

Pain: “No, wait this is good!  I can totally work on this!!  This outfit totally makes my butt look big!  …I do want a big butt, right?  That’s still “in”, right?”54Oh there you are Euphoria.  Yeah totally get them teeth sparkly white.  It’s going to completely make up for the lack of deodorant you, or your wife, don’t seem to own.

Then again, you really tore that damn sink up with just some toothpaste so maybe you’re onto something I don’t know…55Mayhem: “Valor.  My son is home.  And I’m so sorry.  You’re not his father, my dear.”

Valor: “PATIENCE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME”

Patience: “See, I’m HER husband, but he doesn’t seem to realize that?  Think you can remove him from my premises, ma’am?”

Jennifer: “What”56Speaking of babies, ooooooh Juana, you’re doing so well!

Juana: “I want to eat your bones”

Juana recently got a new baby sister, name Rita!  Shall we check her out as well?57MMMM so good

Rita: “Me finger pick the BIGGEST boogers!”

I bet it does, sweet pea.  I bet it does.58Pain: “That’s IT mother!  I’m TIRED OF YOUR SHIT” *viciously bites Anguish’s nose off*

Anguish: “The fuck did I do”59Anyway, we wrap this chapter up with even more birthdays, the last of the toddlers of the gen are out!

Horror: *Twerks out some birthday sparkle*60Actually REALLY cute.  Perfectionist though.  61Horror: “Nothing is perfect though.  Therefore life is hell.”

Enough of that, it’s Terror time!62Like Fear he’s family oriented. Makes sense I guess.63And lastly, Truth.64Truth: “MY NEW TRAIT IS NOODLE”

Terror: “Grab a pot for me Herpesvirus and we can boil us up some spaghetti!”65Noodle time over.  Truth is actually even better than I anticipated!  She’s never nude now though.

Tatiana: “Huh?   YOU DON’T SEE ME BACK HERE.  I’M NOT HERE.  DON’T LOOK.”66Alright kids!  New “bedroom” assignments, fresh off the Buy Catalog!  Come get them while they’re hot!!

Terror: “Oh Herpesvirus.  I don’t understand why we couldn’t keep our cribs.  They were the closest thing to actual beds we were ever going to get…”

What Happened to Baby Elmer?

1Pain: “Alright you little cretins.  I got a notification somewhere that ONE of you updated my wiki page stating that my age is now 35.  Alright, so NONE of you are funny.  Know that first off.”2Pain: “I’m NOT old you guys!  I’m hardly a day over 19!  Have been for years!  When I find who did this, I’m suing your balls off for libel AND slander.”3Pain: “I mean LOOK at me!  Look at this complexion perfection!!  No creases, no lines, and you wish you had pores like me!  I’m what old billionaires and naughty politicians cheating on their wives CRAVE and worship!!”4Pain: “Oh fuck there’s a spider on the ceiling again”

Alright so last time there were a crash or two going on, and the game seems to start to be getting janky.  Still runs GREAT, just the bugs are starting to leak through, like mayonnaise on a flimsy white bread sandwich.  Courage grew up, and without a good trait to compete with his baby sister, he was sent to military school, in order to teach him how to be as good as he can be, despite how I think that school is kinda an odd choice for goodness still…5Happiness: “I painted a Him.”

I’ll let you keep this one, Happiness.  Just this once.6Kay still doesn’t go to school, and honestly, it’s not even a deal to me at all.  She’s not a legacy child, so why does it even bug me to begin with?

She’s a good kid.  Doesn’t do bad things.  Sleeps in the tree house and reads her books.  I’ll let her be.

47Pain: “Oh shit.  Dad’s old cat passed away.  Should I send a sympathy card or something?  I don’t even know who I’d send it to in the first place.”

RIP to her.7Alright we are going to shift gears here for this chapter.  Who remembers when I got a notification about Judd’s baby brother dying from electrocution, and I freaking a bit before realizing that the entirety of Judd’s family are already electric ghosts?  So I just brushed it off, right?

So apparently…  While I was looking at the family tree, snooping around, I checked the status of Judd’s little clan, and realized, that Elmer, despite being born after Judd’s kid years, is still a baby.  Youngest brother Billie is about to be a young adult, and Elmer is still rocking the swaddle.

So thus involves the question:  What happened to baby Elmer?8Judd: “I’m telling you, you’ll never find him!  I’ll never admit that I ACTUALLY had anything to do with his disappearance, but I will admit that I hid him too well, I promise you that.”

Euphoria: “I’m genuinely interested in finding this missing brother of Judd’s.  Any missing child is a travesty, and I for one will not stand for it!  I also informed my wife and of course, she heard baby in need of a mother and came running full speed with us.”

Pain: “Yeah but did she really have to show up in full wedding gear?  She’s so fucking embarrassing.”

Crystal: “I like to make a good first impression.”9Tatiana: “turrrrrrrn baccccckkkkk… and never return….”

Judd: “Lol, hey mom!  Don’t worry guys that’s just my mom.  She’s always been trying to haunt me out of the house.  Been doing it since I was a child, I swear.”10Tatiana: “Oh wait, is that you, Private Euphoria?  Sorry about that ma’am.  With all do respect.”

Pain: “Ok I changed my mind, I was going home but I decided to help out after all.”

Euphoria: “Just admit you’re here to dance to their new radio.”

So of course, I knew there was no Elmer in the Salas household.  I’m the one that PUT the Salas’ there in the first place, so of course I know which ones I added.  Elmer wasn’t among those either.  So moving on to the next possible destination.11Pain: “The graveyard?!  But I don’t want to go to the GRAVEYARD!  I hate this place!  It’s so scary and spooky and shit!”

Euphoria: “Thank you for taking a change of clothes like I asked, hun.  You really didn’t need to be dragging your wedding train through the dirt here.”

Crystal: “Yeah I took what you said about the dress being a heritage item and I need to take better care of it.  I do like leaving my children heritage items.”12Pain: “There are MONSTERS!  And ZOMBIES!  And don’t even get me started on the GHOSTS that HAUNT a CEMETARY, GUYS THIS IS A HORRIBLE IDEA”

Euphoria: “Pain there are more ghosts haunting our property than there are actual graves in this place so calm down”

Judd: “Do I have to give you a fuckin’ Scooby Snack or something?”13Crystal: “You know what, this is YOUR brother we are bending over to look for, YOU’RE the one that needs to actually do some work around here and trying to find him, and all you’ve done the whole time is giggle and act like you’re having the time of your life!!”

Judd: “But I AM having the time of my life!  I like hanging out with you.  I like fun outings.”

Crystal: “Not when we are hunting for a precious BABY it’s not!!”

Pain: “Here take a chill pill Crystal, you’re not you when you’re about to wet yourself.”

Euphoria: “Alright, cleaned out the mausoleum, no babies, just a few old people that I didn’t think kicked the bucket already.  I’m sure Sabrina would be thrilled to hear Karl was among them.”

Lol good.14In this midst of this horrible scavenger hunt, Courage had to tell me THIS is going on at that horror factory they call a SCHOOL

NO COURAGE15Crystal: “Alright so why have you gathered us outside the cemetery limits?”

Pain: “Because I had a better idea for this hunt, one that doesn’t involve dead bodies to give me the spookies, first off.”

Euphoria: “Alright, let’s give Pain a shot at this.  I’d like to hear her idea out.”16Pain: “Instead of hunting for dead babies in the graveyard, lets hunt seeds in the woods!!  Big seeds!  Like an Easter Egg hunt!  It’s more fun than some fuddy crybaby baby anyway!”

Crystal: “…”

Judd: “I’m down for that actually, that sounds like fun!”

Euphoria: “…once I actually get my hands on a lycanthropy potion it’s all over for you garden tools”17Judd: “The first one to find 20 easter egg seeds has to buy us all dinner!”

Euphoria: “What?!  No way!!  You’re totally on!!  And you’re paying for steakhouse this time!!”

Crystal: “What the fishstick?!  You two are seriously going to go along with this?!  What about the baby?!”

Pain: “Baby’s over, Crystal.  We got bored and there are better things to do now!”18Pain: “Oh.  They lied to me.  They’re just going on home instead.”

Euphoria: “JUDD WAIT YOU WERE MY RIDE HERE”19Euphoria: “Ok so Crystal is safely stuffed away in the trunk… what are we waiting on?”

Pain: “Judd is still considered in this outing.  Even though he abandoned us in the quickest vehicle we have to go home, we kinda got to wait on him to come back.”

Euphoria: “So he didn’t take the spaceship back?  What did he take then, the MM?”20Of course not, no one takes the MM if they can help it.

Judd is RUNNING all the way back to the graveyard.  If nothing else but to WASTE MY TIME.

FOR GODS SAKE, JUDD.21Judd: “There it is.  Ganon’s Castle.  I’m on my way to save you Princess Zelda!!”

I now realize my distance rendering is still pretty low.22Judd: “Ah, I see they didn’t actually wait on me.”

Who can blame them, you’ve been casually jogging across town for several hours!!23Pain: “But wait!  Let’s go back!  While Judd was taking his sweet time returning to us, I found something!  Something that may actually help your hunt for this dead baby!”

Euphoria: “For real?!  Then let’s not wait Pain, we’re following you!!”24Euphoria: “Ok so… we’re following you still, but where in the hay are you taking us?!”

Pain: “Just keep up, it’ll totally be worth the run through the brambles, haunted trees and thorns.”27Pain: “We are here!  Behold.  The resting place of Elmer Fudd-I mean Judd- I mean Salas.”

Euphoria: “Pain this is a mine entrance.”29Pain: “I’m serious guys!  THIS is where Judd offed baby Elmer all those years ago!  You HAVE to believe me!”

Crystal: “But what even makes you think that?”30Pain: “I know my bro better than anyone else on this non-lot!  Think about it!  Judd, an unsupervised child living on the streets while his family lived it up on our lot?  He was jealous and he stole his baby brother, strangled the body, and threw it down this shaft so no one will find him ever again!  Of COURSE that’s what happened!!”

Crystal: “Pain, the baby was a dead baby to begin with, there was no body to even strangle.”31Pain: “Are you saying you don’t even believe me?!”

Crystal: “I’m saying the baby was dead to begin with, that’s the facts here.  We all saw that notification when they fried Elmer with a hairdryer two minutes after he was born, but he was already born dead.  To dead people.  That’s not even the deal here.  I just want to find the baby.  He needs loves and cuddles, not a “murder” mystery solved.”32Pain: “Why doesn’t know one believe me…”

Euphoria: “I believe that you believe in it, Pain!  But!  I got some more good news!  You won the Easter Seed hunt!  You got more than anyone!  You’re the only one that got any!  So YOU get to pay for dinner tonight!  I’d love some lobster tail if you please!”

Pain: “Wh… but I got the MOST, I WON the game…”

Euphoria: “Yeah and Judd said the one that got the MOST was the one to PAY for dinner.  See, you got to pay attention to the things he says.  That’s how he jupes you.  You say you’re his best bro but you don’t actually pay attention at all do you”33Pain: “Then explain THAT!  Explain why Judd just JUST now showing up, with ANOTHER VICTIM OH GOD HE’S GOING TO STRANGLE THIS BABY TOO lol”

Judd: “What?  He wanted to come along.”

Crystal: “Nice of you to finally join us, once again a couple hours LATE.”34Euphoria: “Welp, that was fun.  But I think we’re done here.  I’m off to go splash in the ocean, since technically I’m “off” lot, and the ocean is “off” lot so technically, even though the beach is on the other side of town, I’m at the beach!  So later guys!”

Pain: “You’re REALLY just going to leave him here?!  With your baby?!  Fine but when we come home babyless, this is on you not me!!”

Crystal: “I’ll just order the lobster tails on your debit card numbers, ok Pain?  Cool, later!”35Pain: “Alright then.  Now that the squares are gone, what did you do with baby Elmer all those years ago?”36Judd: “Eh he’s in the attic of the house shoved down in dad’s old winter clothes somewhere.  I couldn’t tell you which box, but it’s somewhere where dad and mom and Overwatch couldn’t ever find him even if they looked.”

Pain: “Is… is that true?  Just a box in the attic?  Are you telling me the truth now or not Judd.”37Judd: “Alright see… the truth is… Famine is about to grow up in my arms and I don’t want a growth spurt glitching out on me and busting me up somehow!  Pain help, quick!  Where do I put him down at, we aren’t on an actual lot!!  Hury, he’s already going cross eyed on me here!!”

Pain: “Just hurl him down in the mineshaft, Judd.  Lol Elmer needs a buddy anyway, I’m sure!”38Oh yeah, it’s the triplet’s birthday.  While Judd and Pain figure out what Famine is going to do, War ended up going first back at the house.39No evil here yet.  Just a mooch.

War: “I mean, technically, aren’t all children?”40Brother Pestilence goes next.41This cutie is NOW…

*Drum roll*

!!!

Over emotional.

Lol I wish I could say evil, just once.42Malice: “I came out here to tell you it’s also your birthday, mother.”

Crystal: “Oh yeah?  Well I definitely feel older!  What’s this though?  A head of lettuce?  Was my younger self making a salad or something?  What was my younger self trying to SAY?  That I need to go on a DIET?  That little HUSSY” *Mid life crisis like it’ll matter*43War: “Oh.  It looks like our last dear feathered friend has flown the coop of this life.  Shame, now such a waste of a cage.”44What cage.

War: “A… cage?  Was there ever really a cage…?”45I see Famine at least made it home safely.  A little late but that’s fine.46Famine is my favorite of the three, but absent minded at this time.48Oh I see you weren’t kidding when you said you were off to splash in the ocean, Euphoria.  I guess you didn’t quite make it there.

Euphoria: “Oh I did!  Just at some point I switched up and stopped by the nearby pond for a bit.  It looked so full of life that I had to try out fishing at least once in my life!”49Well you’re off to a terrible start.  Goodbye to your floater, that’ll never come out of the trees.50Actually no really, where the fuck is it going

Horse: “No where where you need to know.”51Euphoria: “It’s joining baby Elmer isn’t it”

Well that’s the end of this chapter.  While we may never know what truly happened to Elmer, I hope it was nothing bad.  I’ll just tell myself that he’s with the aliens now.  Maybe kidnapped by the actual baby stolen from Peace all those years ago.  It’ll allow me to sleep at night.

The Homeschooled

1So last time we had birthdays for Malice, Horror, Terror, and Truth, and also got to meet Panic’s little monster Juana.  The beds are still not working.

Chicken 1: “I’m gonna lay an egg next to her ear and you tickle her other with a feather until she rolls over on it.”2Chicken 2: “Shit we’ve been compromised!  Retreat!  Retreat!!”

Dee Dee: “Chickens are so sweet and so innocent.  Aren’t you you sweet little baby?”

Chick: “I think I hear a ghost!  Hello?  Why am I floating so high up?  I’m scared.”3I almost forgot I saved Agony’s grave for a bit there.  So far she’s the only one to acknowledge the swing set.

Kay: “I’m just happy someone is out having fun with me!!”

Yeah, but at 4am?  Gurl.4A unicorn spawn at the nearby park!  I almost couldn’t even see him.

Wild Horse: “Where”

Neptune: “Zzz”5Euphoria: “No wonder unicorns are so rare.  I can hardly even see him from here!  Black unicorns have perfect camouflage in this town, for real.”

If I didn’t even lighten up the photo, Neptune really wouldn’t even be traceable in this pic.6Fear: “I don’t understand why we have to go to school, but Sister Kay can stay home all day and play and have fun.  This is BS.”

Loathing: “When we get home we should FEAST on her heart.”

Malice: “You two are just upset because you didn’t study for our test this morning didn’t y’all.”7ONCE AGAIN, Kay gets to enjoy that weird stepchild glitch Julian had back in Peace’s gen, where her school schedule would just roll over from 1 hour to 24 hours, so she never has to go to school.  I even tried to force her to go when the bus arrived and the game kept saying  iT’s NoT yOuR hOuRs so whatever.  She gets to be the homeschooled child I guess.  Little shit.8Ernesto: “Luther can you please move like two squares in any other direction away from me?  Your wig is tickling the back of my head and I don’t like it.”

Sheryl: “That hairstyle do be looking fetch tho.”

Y’all are gonna get run over by a deer in a second if you don’t get out of the way you know.9Oh SHIT

Look at those MANEUVERS10Amazing.  The deer stuck the landing and everything and didn’t even land a hair on a single child!  They didn’t even know he was THERE

I take it back, deer really are the most graceful creatures in this whole game.11Joe: “The deer then ran face first straight into a stop sign, you totally missed it.”

Brianna: “Ignore your cousin, Fear.  He didn’t even see the deer when it whizzed by his face at 35mph.”

Quiana: “I smell soup”12Courage: “Now hold his head gently.  Just like that!  Good!”

Pestilence: “I see.  Perfect for a quick neck break, ya?”

Courage: “No, no, not quite what I was going for…”

Terror: “I personally would like to rip off Herpesvirus’s head and leave it on someone’s bed to find when they wake up.  Ah, I can only dream right now though…”13With a few less toddlers in the house, Crystal is getting more and more brave when it comes to the babies.

Just takes one child to even THINK of squalling and she’s going to have a hard time :\14Fear: “Ok school’s over, and I have GOT to follow Luther home after school.  I MUST find the spirit that is holding his hair up like that…”

Luther: “Mom says my weave is snatched.  I just assumed she meant I looked good today, but maybe she means literally…”15Loathing: “And what did you do in school today, Sister Malice?!  Torture some poor underclassmen?  Steal lunch money from the desolate?!”

Malice: “I didn’t NOT put on deodorant today unlike some of us.”16Ah yes ladies.  Let’s not all push in line to figure out who gets claim of the babies.17While we are at it, it’s official that Fear’s IF Dirt is gone forever.  He completely vanished and all Fear has in his inventory is Frenchie who does nothing.  I didn’t even know IF’s could disappear, if that was the case…

Fear: “Who needs IFs when I could have an actual normal childhood!”

Seems fair.

Anyway the rejects are nearby.18Valor: “Thoust fairest of maidens!  My heart yearns for your love, as you have blessed me with your presence tonight, may I express to thee my eternal heart I strewn across the lot for you?”

Avarice: “Oh no that was bad, I’m leaving.”

Mercy: “Like, I’m happy they found love, I just wish it wasn’t with each other, and while they’re married to other people, and while one of them is married to another cousin of hers.  It’s horrible to sleep in the field with all three of them at night you know…”

Joy: “I’m so glad I ran off and became a gold digger then.”19I see Helen has hit her mid life crisis.

Helen: “Pee your pants.”20Joy: “Anyway sis I just want you to know that I love you and please look over my daughter as she will look to you from now on for guidance” *is murdered by Mr. Avarice with a Cowplant in the Backyard*

Mercy: “This is all your fault, Mayhem”21Now it’s Leisure day again.  Everyone and their grandma remembered that there is a pool in the center of the house.

Everyone: “Pool.  Pool.  Pool.  Pool.  Pool.”22Fear: “Awh.  Game said no pool.”

It crashed shortly after this :\23Pain: “Please super great-grandpa, don’t go breaking our sleeping bags already!  We already have it hard enough trying to remember what a “bhed” is.”

Edgardo: “The feathers make me all tickley and happy :)”24Loathing: “Must suck for you Brother Fear.  To be all alone.  Dirt leaving you and you getting stuck with a dead doll.  Meanwhile me and Rocket Scientist are bonded.  Their presence is all I need now in this life.”25Fear: “See this is why The Unseen One has abandoned you, Brother Loathing.  You couldn’t attune to Them and now you’re stuck with just an IF.  I no longer need Dirt or even that dead doll of our foremother.  I hear all the voices around me, and I’m never alone now.”26Loathing: “Uh huh.  And is that why you strapped grandma to a rock and pushed her into the bottom of a pool?”

Fear: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Love: “Glub”27Euphoria: “I can hear babies but I can’t see babies!  I’m scared and alone :(”

Courage: “Mommy doesn’t have the brain cell today I see!”28Happiness: “Another masterpiece.  They will be praising my use of color and technique for centuries to come with this work.  I call it: Hope and Rage in the Kitchen.  Painted by my memories of that horrid house and the feelings it gave me.  Memories that, even though they were colored badly, I will treasure forever in my art.”29Thank you for contributing to our house bills my dearest Happiness.

Happiness: “Why do I get the feeling I’m just being used now”31Josie: “You were right Euphoria.  There is a snake out here in the apothecary garden!”

Euphoria: “Ain’t it tho!  I’ve named him Spongey.  He’s been out here for as long as I’ve been skulking your place for a certain potion and can I borrow your jacket I’m cold.”32Josie needs to pay attention at the register.  She’s got customers in here looking at merchandise.

Butterflies: “Yes can we please get someone to help us load this gem cutter into our car”33I guess I can’t be too hard on Kay now.  She does seem to be trying to further her education on her own somewhat.  Though she CAN sit at a table and do that, as I’m sure she might know.

Kay: “Chairs are for sissies.  I will have the strongest, meatest knees known to man as soon as I get through this Hunger Games fanfiction.”34Loathing: “Mother Euphoria.  I do believe I’m drowning.”

Euphoria: “Well then GET OUT OF THE POOL.  I done told you kids that this pool is dangerous whenever a game crash is nearby!”35Loathing: “I’m no longer allowed near the pool for the rest of the day.  Would you like to play a game with me instead, Sister Horror?”

Horror: “Sure!  What we playing?”36Loathing: “The game is called Give Loathing All Your Candy!  And look!  You already won the game!  Haha!  Loser.”

Horror: “I DON’T LIKE THIS GAME VERY MUCH AT ALL”37You’re late to the Leisure Day festivities, Pain.

Pain: “Leave me alone.  I’m moon bathing.”

New moon dumbass.

Pain: “Whatever.”38Next day, Euphoria is off on her new job on her newest promotion, now a squad leader with none other than Judd’s mother, Tatiana.

Euphoria: “I am honored to fight alongside a fellow private such as yourself, Ma’am.”39Of course, speaking of Judd.

Judd: “I like this Give Loathing All Your Candy!  I like playing as Loathing!”

He also acts like he doesn’t ever have to go to work, even if I try and make him :\39Which kinda sucks on his part since he’s technically Euphoria’s boss, and he’s an underling now.

Euphoria: “I like to tell him he’s in charge.  Makes him feel good about still being a jughead.”40Malice: “Really though, why does Sister Kay never have to go to school?  I believe favoritism is playing a part in this.  I say we zip her up in a sleeping bag and beat her with dead IFs tonight.”

Loathing: “I heard it’s because her father spends all his child support at the strip club and never visits her and our moms just give her pity is all.  We could still do that sleeping bag thing anyway you know.  “41Kay: “I live such a sad little Cinderella life…”

Shut the fuck up you don’t ever have to go to school.42Belial: “NOOOOO!  MY WOMRAT IS DEAD!!!”

Eh, that’s fine Belial.  Stop screaming so I can chunk the container though.43Happiness: “Belial?  Wow, what’s up little buddy?  You’ve never been this cuddly and sweet with me before!  That’s so cute.”

Belial: “I have lost all meaning to live.  My world is over.  My best friend is dead forever.”44Belial: “I’ll never know love again.  I’m so heartbroken.”

Jesus that is one sad ass cat.45Anyway, it’s time for Courage to begin his childhood proper.46And here’s our lad.  He has developed a good sense of humor.  However that’s not the good trait we are looking for so…47He’s off to war!!

Courage: “Haha.  Huh???”48Euphoria: “Going to military school is a prestigious honor and a tradition we Fallen have passed down from generation to… well, my generation.  You will be the pride of our family and I for one am proud to have served as your mother.”

Courage: “C-can I at least take a bath first I JUST got out of my toddler pullups…”49Malice: “Don’t LOOK at me I didn’t mean to take Styrofoam out of my pockets and put him on the floor, I didn’t mean to activate his “Happy, Magic, and Playful Hormone” that turns him into a Pinocchio ripoff…”

Courage: “Wow you could have just not have said anything and not have looked crazy you know.”50Courage: “But while we are on the subject, I need you to take care of Dunsparce 2.0 while we are gone.”

Happiness: “Now who’s talking crazy.”

Courage: “For real though, if I don’t come back from military school, someone has to be his friend, and teach him the meaning of love and keep him out of Fear’s weird dead doll collection he seems to be accumulating.”

Happiness: “Can’t I just chunk him in the junkyard like they do in other legacy families?”51Not only was it Courage’s birthday, but it’s also Pain’s as well.

Pain: “Here I come Dirty Thirty!!”52Pain: “If only anyone was here to celebrate with me.”

You could have gone on home like you were supposed to.53Pain: “Does this forehead make me look old?” *mid life crisis AcTiVaTeD*

Deer: “Beep beep, I’m still coming through, clear a path people”54German: “Sup can a loc’ come in yo crib”

Courage: “No can do brother, for I am off to the front lines.  Those Urbz invaders aren’t going to drive themselves off (though I wish they would).”

Dunsparce2.0: “Wait… what do you mean you’re off to the front lines?!”55Dunspace 2.0: “Noooo Courage!!  Why so soon?!  We just got to be together, and you got to leave me now?!”

Courage: “I’m sorry Dunny.  But I have to serve my country.  I’ll be back in a week though for my next birthday, I promise!!”

German: “Why did I take off all my clothes”56Dunspace 2.0: “I will miss you my dear friend.  And I will wait for you.  Every day until you return to me.”

That is actually so very sad.

Flump

So last night I was admitted into the hospital thinking I was about to die or something (I wasn’t I just have dick organs), and is it weird that one of the first things I thought was if I were to go who would finish my sim’s legacies?  Yeah?  Anyway I’m not allowed to die until I finish this socrystal

Last chapter we had Crystal and Euphoria married and Crystal, besides being good and insane, is also a diva that cannot stand art and loves the outdoors. Her goal in life is to be the Leader of the Free World, which she actually has the job for, but to get her to go to work is another story…

1It’s been a while since I visited the strip club.  Glad to see business is still booming.

Jackie: “Hey baby!  I’m recently divorced and ready to have some fun!  How about a lap dance for old time’s sake!”

Patty: “A girl’s gotta make a living somehow.”2Honestly, that’s probably the closest Jackie’s ever going to get for a lap dance as long as I can help it.

Patty: “All I got to do is wiggle a bit in front of him and he’ll throw the money at me.  Really it’s an easy job.  He does most the work for some reason.”

Jackie: “Why do lap dances have to be so strenuous…”3Kay: “Hmmm… If I point this alien detector device in the direction of the house, the whole signal goes haywire!  Fascinating!!”

Jackie’s daughter is just as smart as he is.  He must be so proud.  I’m sure the mass amounts of aliens in the house have nothing to do with the signal going off, Kay.4MORE INTRESTING than Kay is this cat tailing this deer through the park!!  Where are they going?!  Surely this is going to be interesting!6Oh they weren’t traveling together.  No longer interesting.  7At least this deer is out getting her hay on.

Deer: “MMMM THE CRONCH”

Such a dainty and graceful creature.8Pain: “All I wanted to do was visit my twin sister.  Had I known her house front was half a fucking maze, my ass would have stayed home.”9Panic: “Hello Pain.  Welcome to my home.  Please make yourself at home as well and do not say anything mean about my husband’s facial features if you do not want me to flush your own face down the toilet.”

Pain: “I will be the kindest I have ever been in my life for you, dear sister.”10Pain: “HO MY GOD IS CHIN FLAPS WIGGLE WHEN HE MOVES ITS SO FUCKING GROSS”

Harley: “Honey this isn’t the pizza delivery person is it”11Pain: “And you must be Juana, my sister’s new baby.  Ah what a cute little literal booger you are.  I sure hope you’re graced by my sister’s beauty instead of what your father has going on, because not only will the school kids make fun of you but I will too, so just so you know.”12Meanwhile in the living room.

Panic: “Some days I just want to burn this whole place to the ground.  Collect the insurance money.  Move to Tahiti and marry me a bronzed god bartender named Jose and live happily ever after you know?”

Harley: “Wh- A guy named Jose, the fuck happens to me in that picture?”13Panic: “Oh shit nevermind that part haha!  I was just making sure you were paying attention that’s all.  I love you forever, my darling Crimson Chin ripoff and I PROMISE you wouldn’t be in the house when it burns down, adding onto my insurance claim!  Not at all!  Ha ha!!”

Harley: “I’m reinforcing this house with more asbestos this weekend.”14Pain: “Hey just so you know your baby is in the dishwasher.  I had nothing to do with it.”

Panic: “Awh for fuck’s sake you already took your pants off and everything.   Have some shame you idiot.”15Pain: “Anyway, now that my sister is digging that baby out of the drainage system, wanna see what I can do for your chin sack while on my knees?”

Harley: “Mmm, music to my ears”

HMMM, I think it’s time for Pain to go home.16In other news, Anguish is doing great in her job in education.  Really didn’t expect that from her.  Love is too, but Anguish is on level 8 which I hardly see anymore with sims I don’t control anymore.17Loathing: “Rocket Scientist, you’ve never expressed an interest in offing Mr. Judd before… you say the voices in the walls are telling you to do it?  I mean, they’ve been telling me too but they don’t give me the powertools I’ve asked for so why should we do anything for them anymore…”

Judd: “Zzz… must remember to burn all IFs in the morning….zz..”18Fear: “Since beds have gone extinct this must really be the new sleep room for us.”19I mean, yeah probably but you don’t have to add to the traffic jam in this room, Fear.

Loathing: “I do believe we will be route failing our way out of here for the rest of the night, Rocket.”20Pain: “Out of the way, baby’s gotta take a massive load, guys.”

War: “This is your fault, you picked here for your activities.”

Euphoria: “I hate that your little sister is right but at the same time Pain could have waited an extra minute for us to at least move, you know, Courage…”21War: “AAAHH!! NOW YOU’RE SITTING ON MY LEG!! IT HURT!! CALL CPS!!”

Pain: “Ooh girl, I’m already on it.”

Euphoria: “See?!  Completely avoidable!  I try to make people listen to reasoning but it’s like I’m in the nut house.”

Courage: “Um.”22Euphoria: “Awh, do we REALLY have to pan over to her and look at her right now, I don’t wannaaaa”

YES23Ah, yes.  This, ladies and gentlemen, is what a true goblin looks like.

Juana: “HEAD ON APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD”24While we are out and about, here’s Honor’s baby with Percy, Casie.

Cute, werewolf, but compared to her parents, kinda boring.25Betsy, I guess that’s her actual name now: “The fuck are those supposed to be”

Cowplants: “The fuck are you supposed to be”26Euphoria: “Ooh, this udder is looking a little fat, my dear.  Looks like someone caught the bad end of the cake recently…”27Euphoria: “Oh wow, look at that, air”

Jackie: “Help I’ve been in this boat for days now”28Euphoria: “I can’t believe… someone died for me to maintain my youthful and smooth complexion.  Sniff, SOB!  I’ll keep their memory in my heart forever now!”

Cowplant: “Why do that when you can JOIN them in the bottom of my stomata”

Jackie: “I knew I should have gotten gas for the boat before coming to the strip club :(“29Peace.  Don’t you fucking dare.30Peace: “Haha, cow go flump”

Betsy: “Did you know cow tipping is an urban legend and in a traditional sense of the activity it is physically impossible to tip a truly oblivious, average weighted, standing cow as we – which by the way typically sleep on their sides in the first place – have a center of gravity that would take just over a dozen persons to forcibly knock over, also granting if the cow cannot regain its footing and flee or fight back.  So just so you are aware, if you really think you, a gastly apparition created from air and spirits, was able to knock over my 1,300 pound form, you’re wrong.  I fell over so you’d feel better about yourself.”

Peace: “…”31Euphoria: “Betsy also plays a mean game of tic-tac-toe don’t you, girl?”

Betsy: “Stop scribbling this crap in my dirt path, UGH” *Hoofs furiously*32Belial: “I AM APEX, I AM EVOLUTION PERFECTED”

Kay: “No please I’m just a kid!”33Belial: “Whatever, you won’t fix in one of my zoo’s enclosures anyway.”

Kay: “Ow my lumbar vertebrae”34Kay: “See this is why I love you guys the most.  You won’t be mean to me, you won’t eat me, you’re just soft and sweet and I adore you.”

Chick: “Gonna make a poopsies in your hand now”35Pain: “Don’t mind me, just gonna squeeze on your titty nipple here for a bit”

Betsy: “You better hope I’m not actually one of those male cows from the Barnyard series.”36Pain: “Sup Painlets.  I’m here, with my fresh, cool, just whipped milkshake that I totally just squeezed out of my new pet cow.  She can whip up the most refreshing vanilla flavored ice cream, right out of the tits.  You wish you were me right now.  You wish you had a cow that could create ice cream straight from the nipplets, don’t you?”37Pain: “Hmm.  I must still be banned from Twitch I guess.”38It’s Malice’s birthday time!  I really have just given up on cakes.39Pain: “Who’s that bitch”

Courage: “Dunsparce 2.0 and I are happy for you at least, sis…”40She’s actually really cute.  New trait is absent minded though.  Though who knows what she’s thinking behind that dead pan stare.41Euphoria: “Alrighty then, it’s your turn my latest little bean pod.”42Horror grows up to be a lot like Fear and War in terms of genes.43As for Terror… I have no idea where Euphoria is going with Terror.

Euphoria: “Come Fear, your baby brother is going to have his birthday!!”

Fear: “Hurmzzzffmffzm Moby Dick no”44No really.  Where ARE you going with the baby, Euphoria…45Euphoria: “Ok quick last minute decision, I have decided under the boat wasn’t going to be a good place to age up a baby.

You THINK?46Love: “I got tired of waiting on my daughter to make a decision on where to age up Terror, I already flumped Truth down on the ground.”

That’s fine.47She’s ok looking I guess.  Eyebrows are gone with this one.48Have you DECIDED on a place yet, Euphoria?!

Euphoria: “Yes… wait a minute.  No.  No I haven’t.  Betsy wouldn’t let me near her feeder.  Shame.  A manger birthday would have been so Christmasy.”

It’s the ass end of May.49TIMES UP EUPHORIA PUT THE BABY DOWN FOR GODS SAKE.

Euphoria: “OK FINE.  But the cowplants will miss out on Terror’s birthday and I’m sure they would want to join the festivities too!!”50Euphoria: “Sorry buddy.  You got to grow up in a cow patty now.”

Not my fault.51FINALLY, Terror grows up after that unnecessary fiasco, and he’s got an interesting random auburn brown hair color that I can’t really trace back to anyone I know of on the family tree.  Roderick maybe?  I’m sure he had black hair though.

Terror: “Am I really sitting in cow shit or my own shit? I have my concerns now.”

Death of Beds

There were many birthdays last chapter, as there usually are.  We also added Terror, Horror, and Truth to the family, with Truth being a shoe-in heiress.  The family also won’t stop blaming Courage for their sleeping problems, even though the kid hardly does anything between sleeping and playing with his IF.1Also there’s a bachelorette party going on?  The family is hardly noticing their own celebrations around them, since they are all so tired, they go to sleep, and instantly have to get up and scream at Courage for being so rude and disruptive.2Fear: “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU FUCKIN’ WILLY WONKA TICKET”

Courage: “Bro i Amn just litle creacher”

3Fear: “UNSEEN ONE CAST HIM INTO THE FIRES OF ETERNAL DAMNATION”

Pestilence: “EVE’WYONE SO ANGWY AND SCWEEMY WAAAAAAH”

Courage: “Holy snapdragon go after Pestilence, he’s the crying one here, good Lorb”4Happiness: “I WILL GRIND YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD”

Pain: “Naw dude, the talking mustard bottle is right, Pestilence really is the screecher here.  Screacher?  Autocorrect says both words are wrong, what am I doing wrong here”

Fear: “The fuck you talking about an autocorrect for”5Judd: “Ugh, it’s no use.  I’m so far away and I still here his mute screams”6And yes I’ve tried to fix it, but Courage is happy and content and the game says he’s having so much fun but his icon says he’s two digits away from a social service call.

Courage: “The CPS will come out here… to join me on the fun!!”7Courage was actually killing the family so even though the party was still live, I had to kill it and reset the household.

Love: “Crystal your oversized pinto beans are loose in the yard again”

Crystal: “GIVE ME”8Of course all the toddlers had to whip out the IFs.  Though I find it funny that the triplets all have a matching set.

Courage: “Alright, repeat after me guys: Oh how I love you, my best friend in the whole world!”

Pestilence: “Hey Pollo Ranchero, eat this dead bug I found on the ground lol”

Famine: “I cannot wait for your head to completely come off already, Fifth Harry Potter Book~”

War: “You see that over there Phuko?  That’s the road!  And one day I’ll be strong enough to hurl you in it in front of a passing truck!”

Courage: “Eh work in progress.”9Oh here’s Kay post makeover.  Just because she IS cute afterall.

Anyway back to the other babies.10Malice: “What’s that, Styrofoam?  You want me to peel Judd’s face off and stitch it to your own? Why would I ever do that?  “You’d make a better Judd than he would be”?  Why, you make just be right about that!!”

Judd: “That’s why I sleep with my eyes open.  You’ll never steal my face skin you little goblin!!”

At least he’s able to sleep now.  Courage is no longer “crying all over the house” anymore.11But alas, one bug creates another, and suddenly everyone was exhausted again, this time because no one would interact with the beds!

Thought it was just Pain, switched hers out and she’s still acting like it’s toxic.

Pain: “Those pillows look like basic bitch Standard, I’d rather pass out in the floor here ok thx”12Crystal: “Hm.  It appears my sheets have been glued down onto the mattress and sealed in resin.  Who would ever do this?  Are the Betels back together?  That’s alarming.”13OK.  WHATEVER.  RESET ROUND TWO BUT THIS TIME THE WHOLE TOWN.

Pestilence: “Come join me, brethren.  We’re probably going to have to live in these bushes forever anyway.”14Crystal: “Oh Peter.  We are so sorry the reboot kicked you back out into oblivion.  We all miss you.  Especially the kids.  The kids miss you terribly.”

Valor: “YOU GUYS SPENT MONEY ON A NEW CAT BUT NOT A SHELTER OR A TENT OR ANYTHING?!  I’M CALLING CPS, I WANT THEM TO TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE”15Pain: “Hmmm.  But what if pass out on floor more comfortable?”

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE16YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF

EVERYONE GETS SLEEPING BAGS, EVERYONG GETS THE JUDD TREATMENT NOW

Judd: “Wait, we had a choice?”17Happiness: “I can still use my bed though?  Am I still a good boy?”

EAT ASS YOU’RE JUST SHOWING OFF NOW ALSO did the eyes in those photos always have a glow to them???? The fuck????18Anguish: “Hmmm.  If Happiness can sleep on a stone bed… then I TOO can sleep on stone bed”

Just get in your sleeping bag.19Anyway, let’s get ready for a wedding!!

JESUS Euphie I didn’t think you’d be THAT ripped.

Euphoria: “It’s not ripped it’s hemmed together this way!”

Even so, I hope Crystal is getting out her actual formal wear because if I have another Athletic/outerwear/swimwear crazy choice I’m gonna HURRRRGN20WONDERFUL.  Fantastic!  She looks as beautiful as ever.  STAY IN THAT.

Crystal: “I’ll do my best.”

Kay: “WHY IS SHE COSPLAYING A KITCHEN SINK”

NO ONE FUCKING ASKED YOU KAY21Valor: “I’m so happy I get to see you again.  Don’t let the others know, but I missed you guys the most of all.”22Valor: “But no really why do you guys have 10 fridges in the backyard”

Best to not as questions my dear Valor.23Ok wedding time STOP PLAYING FOOTBALL IN YOUR WEDDING DRESS

Euphoria: “Ok one last good throw, Judd!  Here it comes!”24Judd: “EEEE MY CLAVICLE”

Euphoria: “Jeez, playing ball in 4 inch heels is harder than I thought it would be”25Euphoria: “Oh Crystal!  You’re already out here!  Eager to get married I see?”

Crystal: “Who didn’t cut the grass out here!  Anguish, it was your turn to weed eat this week!”26Euphoria: “I can’t believe this is the first step to the rest of our lives together…”

Crystal: “Oops my hands fell off”

Judd: “Alright babes.  I’m so ready for this, we are going to have so much fun, I just know it!”27Euphoria: “No Judd this isn’t going to include you.”

Judd: “BUT WHYYYYY I THOUGHT WE WERE BESTIES FOR LIFE EUPHIEEEEEE”28Crystal: “Oooooooh baby.  The THINGS I’m about to do on our honeymoon!!  This what I’m gonna do to your “galaxy center” when we get to that hotel room” *nasty things in the side of her fist*

Patience: “I’m so glad I moved out of this house.”

Percy: “I’m so glad I didn’t have to move INTO this house.”29Crystal: “Why does the entirety of your family HAVE to insult and make fun of every one of us insane folk every time we step into the vicinity.”

Euphoria: “Don’t mind them, you’ll get good at ignoring what they have to say when you realize they’re not just the NPCs in our lives, but also real literal NPCs.  Nothing they say matters to begin with.”30Euphoria: “And so, Crystal Doe, do you take me, Euphoria Fallen to be your lawful wife, have and to hold, to raise our children in our combined single motherhoodness, until we grow old together, from this day forward?”

Crystal: “I’d love to.”31Such a beautiful tender moment.32Mercy: “If only my wedding was this beautiful!  But no, I had to be a FROG at the time and my groom had to be my stupid witch-pirate cousin!”

Mayhem: “Eh.  All the same I give this union a month.”33Kay: “Why did this really have to happen?  Do you think I even really want to be related to the lot of you?”

Mayhem: “Look, if you’re lucky, you’ll get kicked out to live in the pasture with us.  That’ll be the closest thing you will get to getting out of this mess, alright?”34Crystal: “And *gasp* a cake!  You really pulled all the shots for this wedding!  Without Peter to gobble it down in two minutes, the children will finally have some food to eat!”

Euphoria: “She always looks on the bright side of things.  That’s why I love her!”35It’s so nice to see someone actually cut the cake properly for once, with a bent elbow and proper precision, instead of straight arm sawing it into hell and back.

Crystal: “Darn there go my hands again”36As well as that went.  Of course no one could actually find the cake.

Pain: “Life is me.”37Valor apparently actually missed the wedding because he was in here being such a GOOD UNCLE

Valor: “I’m teaching her good wholesome music to play for her parents when they get back from their honeymoon!!  Anything is better than the Funeral March she had figured out how to drum out on this thing…”38Christopher: “I’m also doing some cool things!  Am I also a cool uncle figure too?”

Crystal: “STRANGER DANGER, I’M CALLING THE AUTHORITIES!! EUPHIE!! You’re the closest thing to the authorities that I know of.  COME SNAP THIS GUY IN HALF LIKE A TWIX”39Oh she’s out.  The wedding must have taken it out of her.

Courage: “That’s the closest we will ever get to using the beds again too.”40Anguish: “Of course now that the party guests have left, I will regain my peace of mind and require you to shut the fuck up?  I’m trying to find my center and if that kid even so much as start peeping again I promise you I’ll pass out so much on the floor…”

Euphoria: “Well at least being with you brings me sunshine in my life, Courage.”41Really, what is it with you two girls playing outdoor sporty games in your wedding dresses.  You two really were meant to be.42Loathing: “Ghosts may scare the shit out of me, but I believe you are the least scariest spirit I have ever seen in my whole life.”

Zoe:  “I take major offence to that.”

Loathing: “Whatever.  Wanna do some hoodrat shit?”

Zoe: “I think I have a better idea for someone your age.”43Zoe: “George lay there panting, his heart thumping loudly in his chest.  He was waiting, knowing something else was about to happen.  Then George let out a horrible, silent scream.  Somebody was on the bed with him!”

Loathing: “Heheh well duh, it’s Kathy.  Dumbass put Kathy back in the bed with him.  I swear mortals are so stupid sometimes.”44Game: “Oh that’s right, beds still don’t work yet lol”

You work so well, has anyone told you that lately45Loathing: “But how do I go nap nap now”

Zoe: “Really?  This is what this household has been reduced to?  This is bullshit.”46Even though the beds have broken and pissed me the hell off, I have gone ahead and gotten the cow box, just because I want cows.  The Fallens are becoming more farmy than I’m sure they expected to be.47Aw.  Looking so good, ladies!  Even if you’re a little low res.48Low Poly Betsy: “Did someone mention LOW RES?”

Holy shit this cow is running on 2 bytes and 5 polygons.  I’m sure some poor programmer was overworked into the ground for this cow (I’m onto your shit EA) but the little cattle shelter looked pretty good so I had faith in these babies.49Euphoria: “Come on Betsy.  They’re peas!  Fresh and totally not thawed from a freezer!  They just happen to be stuck together with pieces of ice because it was a really cold winter.  Come on now, you need your vitamins and minerals if you hope to regrow some of your pixels!  I don’t want social workers to think I’m already neglecting you.”50Betsy: “Murr”

Euphoria: “Humph, fine then.  Don’t come crying to me when you’re stuck looking like a 2-D background decal from a PS2 game for the rest of your life because you won’t eat your not-frozen peas!”

Farming is totally in their blood I promise.

The Brink of Collapse

0000Pain: “Morning my Painlets.  It’s me, your Goddess, and yes, I’m wearing the still, Very Popular, Playboy teddy.  It’s still hot.  That and Euphoria won’t let me sell her babies toys and bedding to install a hot tub in here.  She has very explicitly informed that if I did touch her children’s stuff, she will snap me in half.  And she has a six pack now so I actually believe her.”000Pain: “Then again… she is pregnant now, and she just got done with a whole bunch of birthdays for her two oldest kids and the yellow one… Coraline I think he’s named.  So I might be able to get away with selling a few items.  I think I deserve it after all.”00Pain: “Hmmm, Sp4ceGu1LTru5t says… “You don’t even deserve to be in the same house as such kind and generous women”…  “I hope you go live on the strip club island while Island Paradise gets uninstalled”…”0Pain: “That’s it bitch.  I’m coming in here and kicking your ass.”1Oh good news I think.  The lights are on back in Fear’s eyes.  I think he’s with us again.

Fear: “Eh I just needed a facial.”

Peter: “Mmmmmm, fondant.  So thick and rubbery.  This sucks.”2Surely the boys can’t continue to live in the same room as all their siblings, so they get to move into their own little space nearby, and I like to think I actually put some effort into this one.3I like to think Euphie and Crystal helped set this all up for their darling children.  I’m sure the boys will ruin this somehow.4Euphoria: “Can you feel the baby kick?  That means she likes you.”

Clyde: “I can, and I can also feel exactly what you had for lunch!  Mmm, now I’m in the mood for some pasta linguini too!”

Try not to traumatize the fetus please.5Euphoria: “Now that you’ve rubbed my belly, it’s time to rub yours!  Aren’t you a good little cousin-wousin?!  Yes you are!  Such a smart, educated boy you are!”

Lordt.6I’ll be honest, this notification caught me way off guard.7Anguish: “God I can’t believe you actually managed to blather on with all your “proper verbs” and “foreshadowing” and completely ruin man door hand hook car door like that.  No wonder Fear tells me the invisible thing or whatever is possessing him is ashamed of you.”

Loathing: “You know what I’m doing PHENOMENAL in English class and I will show off if I want to.”8Crystal: “Come join me, Happiness, my fellow pantless brethren!  Together, we can both go have a mental breakdown and run away into the woods and live as free legged tree gnomes, for the rest of time!”

Happiness: “Actually that does sound appealing and extremely baby free so I’m kinda tempted.”9Love: “I like standing here with you and the family to await the needs of all the grandchildren.  Don’t you agree, Mr. Judd?”

Judd: “No.”

Fear: “Alright children.  The next one that screams and awakens The Unseen One again tonight is getting a knuckle sandwich!”

Courage: “OoooOoooH, did someone say SANDWICH”10Oh.  Wait, hold up.  Peter.  I was joking when I said you’d eat all those cakes.  Are… are you SERIOUSLY in here marathoning three whole ass cakes?!

Peter: “They didn’t put them in the fridge, they’ll go to waste!”

YOU REALLY ARE GOING TO DIE PETER11Peter: “But really, what is wrong with your kid, Euphie?!  Why does he just never seem to shut up!!”

Euphoria: “I have no idea what you’re even talking about, Peter!!  I’m just over here having such a BANGING time!!”12Yeah so everyone really does seem to constantly complain about Courage screaming all the time.  But most of the time, he’s not even in a bad mood.  Look, he’s such a good boy right n-Judd the fuck is wrong with you stop that.

Love: “He sleeps with his eyes open so he can be on guard and alert at all times.  I think it’s noble of him, even though he only does it so no one can stomp on his neck in his sleep.”

Happiness: “Well whatever the reason, it’s creepy and I hate it.”13Judd: “WHOOO!  That was a great 12 second power nap!  I think I have just enough energy to survive for three more hours of the day!  Thanks for being my alarm clock Courage you fucking heathen shithead!”

Courage: “No problem Mr. Judd even though I didn’t even say anything”14Fear: “The Unseen One demanded sacrifices and all mom brought me was a Dr. Seuss book?  Weapon mods when please?”15I actually can’t believe he denied being read to because he ACTUALLY needed to take care of needs??  Like someone with more than ONE brain cell???

Kindness would be rolling in his grave so hard he’d generate energy.16Loathing: “God he’s really never going to shut the fuck up, is he.”

I know right his soft happy coos fucking echo in this house don’t they.17Anguish: “I think I can help you with your lack of sleep and it doesn’t involve smothering the baby OR you (unfortunately).  I will read you the world’s most boring book, and if you aren’t bored to sleep in the next fifteen minutes the pizza will be free.”

Loathing: “That’s fun and dandy and better than a nighttime handy, but…”18Loathing: “Are we NOT going to do anything about the ghost creeping around my room that’s going to be watching me sleep?”

Peace: “Come on kid, I’m just trying to escape the cries of Courage too you know.”

Anguish: “Shut up and listen to my rendition of this waterlogged 11th grade math book.”19Loathing: “Nah fuck this, grandma.  I’m sleeping in the treehouse tonight.  Ain’t no ghosts going to be perving on me while I sleep!!”

Anguish: “Whatever dude.” *Proceeds to twerk on Peace’s book*

Peace: “Hey, unlike YOU I’m finding this book to be very exciting, so quit it!”20FIVE CAKES TIME.  Who’s ready for more sufferinggggggg21Anguish: “Ugh, and what’s your problem, you little shit?”

Fear: “Between all the squalling the kids are doing and the lack of sleep, we are NOT going to survive through this birthday party!  This is a horrible idea!!”

Actually, he’s right.  Most of the family is teetering on the edge of a pass out, and until I caught Fear crying about being woken up for the fifth time today, I realized five straight birthday celebrations is probably going to just make things worse.  So the cakes got canned and everyone will just have to grow up on their own today instead.22Moving along, checking in on our now 84 day old cat, who’s still adding to his collection I’m afraid.

Belial: “I am apex, I am evolution perfected.”23Belial: “HOOOUGH”

Aren’t cats just the most graceful creatures on this planet.24Belial: “ACK!  Where does he think he’s running to?!  He’s not going to get far without his literal ASS”

The perfect killing machine.25Belial: “RAGGHFFUUU”

Anguish: “We cancelled all the birthdays and you still fucked us over, Crystal.  You’re such a waste of human skin.”26Happiness: “OH POOPY SCHOOPY!!  A BABY IS BEING BORN RIGHT BEFORE THINE VERY EYES!!!”

Surely you have no idea what you’re talking about.27Pain: “Oh shit, I have been pregnant, all along!!  How could this have ever possibly happened??”

She almost spent the entire pregnancy in that stupid playboy corset of course.  Wouldn’t be surprised how squished the babies will be.28Pain: “On my way to the hospital, of course!!  BUT.  First, before I even started labor, I was on my way to the nearest bar.  Later losers!  Got to get my tequila on.”29Pain: “Huh.  They must have been doing some really bad renovations.”

You done screwing up, Pain?  It’s hospital time.30Euphoria: “Ladies, you are all so miserable.  You’re doing such a wonderful job taking care of our prides and joys.  I think it’s time for a little moral boost, don’t you think?”31Euphoria: “Oh dang.”

PLEASE Euphoria we don’t need another pass out!32Euphoria: “Ok I… hmmm.  Might help if I didn’t do it face first in the light fixture.”

Euphie, PLEASE.34Anyway Crystal was saved and I came back to Pain and DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE.35Pain: “Relax.  It’s TWINS like that’s any better really.  Judd didn’t meet me at the hospital and I can’t carry two babies at once anywhere outside the loading screen display icon.”

Ah.  Ok.

Pain: “Anyway.  Hey BooBoo!!  You-a wanna help me empty this-a pic-a-nik basket?!”36Judd: “I’m too scared to”

Fair enough.37The first baby Pain is wrenching out through the basket mesh is Terror, like how I feel with ten kids in the house.  Likes include dark wave music, firecracker tofu, and the color purple.  He will be athletic and artistic until further notice.

His sister Horror, who is still wedged in the basket, is a fan of kids music, lobster thermidor and aqua.  She’s neurotic and absent minded which is a FANTASTIC trait combo, but alas, no evil here in this pair.38Crystal: “Pain told me my mail order babies have arrived!  Don’t remember ordering but I’m so excited!”

Euphoria: “Hurry little baby, your mother is very impatient to meet you.  Here, let me help you move along?”

What is it with you and sticking hands into your pregnant abdomen?!39We have houseguests, which means party, though this is the bachelorette party!  I about forgot Euphoria and Crystal’s engagement, so now we are back on track!40Helen: “GAH!  Don’t mind me.  I’m being good I swear!  I’m not going through Pain’s garbage trying to get the dirt on her!!”

Belial: “Keep it up and you’ll get literal dirt all over you you know.  Nasty.”41Euphoria: “The bachelorette party is starting, guys!  But I got something more exciting than that!  Are you ready to witness the miracle of childbirth?!”

Happiness: “I wasn’t even ready for a bachelorette party to be honest…”

Judd: *Is actually in the middle of doing the Y in the YMCA dance, do you really think he cares about births*42Sabrina: “Hey guys.  Uuuuh.  So like, yeah I’m totally here to provide the “entertainment” and all, but I have to say, if  you expect me to play any songs on nothing more than a baby xylophone you’re sorely mistaken.  I require something larger and more professional if you think I’m going to be able to serve you a quality show tonight.”

Euphoria:  *Continues to claw her baby out of her stomach no really why does she keep doing that*43Sabrina: “DAMN.  The actual entertainers are here now.  I thought I’d be able to get away with this and get some free money out of this trick…”

Anguish: “Lol bitch you thought”

Cherri: “Sooo is this a bad time or”44Peter: “Oh yeah!  I’m.  TOTALLY in here to watch this, ah, sexy human dance provocatively for me and in NO way am I here for the hot dogs hidden behind the stereo!  That’s silly!  Yep, totally enjoying the show, enjoying the, hot, human, very cool, very dance…”45Peter: “Fuck I failed”

Cherri: “At least I’m not dancing in a bathroom or a porch for once”46Euphoria powersqueezed the baby out almost before Crystal made it to the hospital, and we welcome baby Truth to the household.  She likes dark wave music, vegetarian dim sum, and the color lime.  She loves the cold.  And she is GOOD.  Which means another shoe-in (female) heiress is in our future most likely.

Crystal: “Not if I make sure Courage has anything to say about that!”47Anguish: “YEAH COURAGE!  Kick her wee baby ASS, boy!!!”

Pay attention to your own birthday, Anguish.48Anguish: “Noooo”

Sorry girl, it comes for us all.49Kath…Kati… her name is Kay now I don’t make the rules.  Yes I do.  ANYWAY she’s next and she’s now a technophobe, because I definitely needed another one of those running around the house.

Joy: “I have taught her well.”

Honor: “Joy no”50And then the triplets!  Baby War is on the first round.  Same coloring as Loathing but different sex.51Famine is next with the Anguish throwbacks!

Hmfm… *googles cross eyed birthday mod fix pls*52Famine, instantly: “I’M LONELY”

Judd: “Oh don’t you fuckin’ start”53Judd: “THIS IS STILL ALL YOUR LITTLE FAULT YOU LITTLE SHITLORD”

Courage: “Can’t a homie drink his milk milk in peace you guys?”

Fear: “Not when you drink as LOUD as you do!!  People are trying to SLEEP around here!!”54OH, and Pestilence wraps up the birthdays for today.  Similar to War and Loathing but his eyes are black.  No idea where it came from.55Courage: “Alright everyone!  Whip out your IFs because I’m going to teach you the ways of love and affection for you and your new buddy!  Everyone, meet my IF, Dunsparce 2.0, and we will teach you what NOT to learn from Fear and Loathing.”

War: “Dunsparce 2.0, huh?  Cool and all but I’m gonna name mine Phucko.  Lol because that’s what he is.”

Pestilence: “Heh nice.”

Courage: “I got a long way to go.”56Judd: “Not if I have anything to say about it…”

Courage: “The munch is your problem dude I’m not even doing anything”

Field Tripping

So Judd was “rescued” because Helen was being “mean” to him, though I can only imagine what could have spurred her feelings about anything involving him.  So since he’s technically family now, here’s his little card.Judd

He’s evil but he’s friendly but he’s a loner. I’m sure in that case he’d fit the insane trait in just nicely if he weren’t a gatherer and lover of the outdoors. His LTW is some dumb shit I’m sure.

1In other news, Euphoria and Crystal had baby Courage, and Pain had Pestilence, War, and Famine.  So now Crystal and Euphoria have four more babies.

Euphoria: “Wait… I just thought we only needed one more crib…”

Crystal: “I embrace all my newborn babies with love and affection.”

Euphoria: “Yeah bu-“

Crystal: I EMBRACE THEM.2The rest of the family have their own god forsaken problems going on.

Anguish: “I figured out why I can’t get anything to eat!  It’s not the fridge’s fault, it’s the rug!!  It’s got a vendetta against me!!”

Rug: “Step on me again and I’ll purposely trip you and bash your head into the counter.  I’m warning you!”3Crystal: “Oh wow on my way to see our newest fridge for the 53rd time this week!  Did you order it from Sears like the last one, Love?”

Love: “THE ONION!! IT’S FURIOUS!!”

Crystal: “Wow, I didn’t know The Onion started a furniture line.  I’ll have to look at that site again sometime.”4Looks like the photo booth is rocking again.  Don’t mind that it’s randomly in the house.  It wanted to come inside.  It’s cold out in the yard.5Pain: “Fuck yeah.  I’m totally making this my Twitter header photo.”6Happiness: “Wanna go for a swing in the swing, my little chicken wing?  I promise I won’t turn it on fast and sling your organs into your ribcage or anything.”

Honestly didn’t think they would actually notice the swing.  They hadn’t noticed one of these in a long time.7Anyway it’s a good thing Happiness is such a great babysitter because Crystal apparently needs sleep on the farthest side of the house away from the babies for once.

Crystal: “Need… good sleep… can’t be good… single mother on last exhausted brain cell…”8Euphoria: “Whoa!  This was a terrible idea!  This photo doesn’t look good at all!”

Crystal: “I have to disagree.  If we hang it and keep it around as a family heirloom, it’ll appreciate in value.  Besides, it’s important to know where our future descendants come from and this photo will ensure they will know.”

Euphoria: “They don’t have to know THIS much!”9Euphoria: “Aw my baby Courage.  My sweet little beam of sunshine.  The little lemon of mommy’s eye.  I love you so dearly.”

Love: “Now don’t forget, he’s not your only child, Euphie.  Just because he’s of your actual blood and therefore your firstborn, all these children should be loved just as much.”

Euphoria: “You underestimate me mother.  I adore all my children equally.  I always have and always will love them just as much as I love my darling Courage.”10Euphoria: “Anyway how would you like to practice going into space”

Courage: “I’m already going to hurl”

Euphoria: “That’s the spirit!”11Pain: “Don’t tell the other brats in there, but unlike your mom, I do have a favorite and it is you.  I like you the most and I’m only going to help you learn how to use the bathroom because if you shit yourself later in life I’ll have absolutely nothing to do with you ever again.”

Fear: “You’re so kind.  I will remember this when it comes time to reap the souls of everyone in this house.  I’ll make sure The Unseen One will leave you for last.”yeIn other news, it appears that Percy has finally gotten tired of Avarice, and since he clearly can’t have Anguish to finish off his collection in that generation, he’s moved on to the next one. 

Maybe Honor will tame his wily, sleazeball ways.  Or she’ll just enable his alien fetishes.  The second one is more likely.umAnd then there’s more in-family pairing going on between Mercy and Mischief.  I knew I should have split the household apart, like shards of an unholy demon sword strewn across the continent rather than throw them in the field together and think they’d move out of it for comforts.  I expected too much.nogodThen there’s Panic.

Sigh.

Panic.

Did you have to.

12Euphoria: “So I really needed to take a break and sneak out of the house.  I also wanted to hang out with you two so whatever you two are down for we will do.”

Judd: “Whatever it is let’s just avoid anything greasy please.  I don’t want to be blasting out of either end if I can avoid that.”13Euphoria: “So you opt to dig around in the garbage, Judd.”

Love: “Oh snap, hello Euphoria!  What are the odds I’d see you out here of all places”14Euphoria: “So nasty-URP so- BLEGGHF”

Love: “For the love of cheese Judd at least put on some gloves, you’re going to get tetanus”15Euphoria: “Oh wow look mom, it’s Ramiel!  Who knew I even had him in my pockets!  Who knew this dress even had any pockets!  No really, where was I keeping him!”16Euphoria: “AHHH MY PHALANGES”

Love: “Alright Judd you’re hogging up the garbage, some other people would like a chance at finding cool trash too you know”17Judd: “Alright!  This is such a fantastic outing you guys!!  I feel so young, so free, just like in my homeless days when my ghost parents dumped me off in the streets while they were busy mooching off of you guys”

Love: “Yeah well the way you smell now you can be young and free at about 20 yards away from me, ok thanks”

Euphoria: “HURGGH, didn’t think the smell would be THIS BAD”18Dennis, the only of the nuclear Doe family to have his name start with a D instead of a J therefore making him the family loser: “I love lamp”19Judd: “Dumbass!! No wonder your dad is the family loser, kid!”

Euphoria: “UrpBURP ugh I wonder if there was anything in that dragon bite to make me so darn nauseous”20At home Happiness got invited to a party at “Patience’s house”, though I don’t even remember what the party was for anymore.  Love day?  I clicked through the notification too fast.  Anyway, I hope he has fun!21Happiness: “Wait, this isn’t a house party.  Where’s the house?”

Home is where the heart is, Happiness.  Or check the inside of their trashcan.22Ah, I see Mayhem and Patience are actually also still together and making it grossly work.

Happiness: “This is truly Hell for me and not what the ancestors wanted.”

23Happiness: “I’m gonna do it”

Happiness no

Happiness: “I’m gonna let him HAVE IT”24Happiness: “Ok nevermind you know what, I don’t even CARE that you live on the street like bums or whatever.  But you have GOT to break it off with your cousin, Pat.  So I decree.  As the family patriarch.  Given I haven’t been patriarch in 200 years or so.  It’s still gross.  So quit it.”25Patience: “Gramps for the last time.  It’s been like so many generations since then!  We’re so genetically different it doesn’t matter anymore!  It’s hardly even incest, think of it as keeping it in the royal bloodline as it were!”

Happiness: “Holy cow that’s still gross you beanie baby”26Besides it looks like Mayhem is all about keeping it in the family from the looks of it.

Mayhem: “I saw these and they reminded me of your beautiful face.  So chiseled and rugged and covered in black hair.”

Valor: “I adore them, as I adore you, Mayhem!”

Patience: “Wife, why”27Euphoria: “Hi!  I came to see how Happiness was getting along with your party as I know sometimes he can be a handful and I see the rumors are true!  I’m so glad my stomach was already emptied before I came over here!”28Oh fuck!  About them rumors, Euphoria…

Mischief: “I’ll teach you the meaning of “love” you fuckin’ toad!!”

Mercy: “YOU TURD, I’M A GOLIATH FROG”

Valor: “Mischief why you were the only one of us that even had a chance at a lasting marriage”29Mayhem: “You don’t know, maybe you’ll have a chance at one with me~”

Patience sobbing in the trash can: “BEW HEW HEW”

Mischief: “Fuck that shit wife of mine!  I’m going to practice my love magic, and I’m going to do so by taking it out on you!”

Euphoria: “Now calm down, don’t be rash, besides how does magic even fit with your pirate personality anyway”30Mischief: “NO!  The spell backfired.  Now I’m filled with love and desire and adoration, and you… oh damn you got like a half maxxed skill bar.”

Euphoria: “Dangit, Mischief!  You knew better than to practice magic on me!  Now I’m filled with magic rage, and I’ll be darned if it ends well for the next person that talks to me!!”31Patience: “Thank you Happiness for teaching me the value of marrying outside the family tree!  I will take what you have said to heart, and start scoping out nothing but old, sterile, dying women for the rest of my days like everyone else does!”

Happiness: “Atta boy!!”

Mischief: “I’d hate to butt in, but I think I’ve done something terrible to Euphoria… something horrid…”32Sammie:  “What’s up, Euphie!  Haven’t seen you since high school.  Figured you wanted to hang out for a bit.  Glad you answered my call to hang out with me and the wifey, and I didn’t think you’d show up almost so instantly!  Or stand so closely to me for a matter of fact…”33Michelle: “So this is one of your high school buddies, huh?  You have a lot to be desired if this is how you act with your friends, babe.”34Michelle: “Oh shit, my scrawnt’ husband actually kicked her ass!  She must be a true loser just as everyone had told me.”

Sammie: “Just because you have 5 skill points on me don’t mean I still can’t whoop you up, Euphie!  I’m all lean meat!”

So much for that friendship.35Oh.  You’re still following Euphoria around, Judd.

Annie: “But did he have to block the sidewalk like that though”36Euphoria: “Yeah tell Sammie I’m sorry about that, my judgement was clouded by black magic and I totally let him win, honest”

Michelle: “No biggie, Sammie a push over and I bet he’ll forgive you by tomorrow mor- oh shit.  Quiana is nearby.  No sudden movements, Euphie.  She’ll suck your soul right out of you with her beak if she so much as senses fear.”

Quiana: “SQUAWK”

I’m starting to think her father is more likely Xavier from, what was it?  That Renegade Angel show.  Instead of Anson.37Judd: “Oh yeah!  That’s right!  I came with you to let you know it’s my birthday!  You forgot all about it!!”

Euphoria: “Yeah but you could have stayed home for that.”

Judd: “I wanted a proper audience.”38Judd: “My wig blew away in the wind.  Oh well.  No big deal.” *No crisis*

Euphoria: “We’ll use some proper wood glue to put it back on your head when we get it back.”39Euphoria: “Now that we are done with that little adventure, I do believe I am pregnant with Crystal’s child, Judd!”

Judd: “Congratulations!  I think you’re going to be a fabulous mother.  Matter of fact, I’ll give you some tips on how to have a successful pregnancy!”40Euphoria: “Ok, so I’m starting to think this isn’t a pregnancy tip.”

You think??41Loathing: “Fear!  Me and Rocket Scientist are going to go play mad doctor.  I slice his innards out very slowly and see how long it takes for him to stop screaming.  The record is thirteen minutes.  You want to join me?”

Fear: “Maybe.  Hold on though let me check on something…  …Yeah, Frenchie still isn’t breathing.  Great!  We are ready to join you and play then!”42Euphoria: “Oh goodnesses, I have never been so hungry in my life.  If only there was any food around here for me to eat.  Alas, I guess I’m bound to starve again.”

Don’t ask why there are so many fridges in the backyard now.  You know why.  We all know why.43Anguish: “Oh f-WHO the fuck snitched”44Roderick: “WHORE”

Anguish: “You CANNOT believe a word that dog Percy has said!  I have never, and will never, hook up with him!!”

I don’t know why she’s being called a cheater.  Probably some shit Happiness did.  I didn’t even look at her panel.  Moving on.45Judd: “Why am I in here.  This is hell.  And you are the demons.”

Glad free will makes even you do this Judd.  The rest of the house is fucking suffering this gen.46Crystal gives us our first pass out in a long long time.  I’m so heartbroken for this 😦

Euphoria: “See that’s why sleep is such a waste of time.  You guys need to learn how to consume dark matter with your hypothalamus, or you are never going to grow as a species.”47Rage: “Huh.  That’s cute.  The bird is copying her.  Hehe.  Funny bird.”

Yeah just let me… catapult that whole cage out of existence before anyone notices and comes bawling.  We don’t require that song and dance right now.48Crystal: “That power nap was GREAT!  I can run a marathon now with my energy and focus!  Come Courage!  It’s birthday time!  Time for a sugar rush too!!  I’m so excited!  I think my heart just stopped!”49And the eyebrows are back and here to stay! 

Whooo, what an angry little man.  Though, he may actually just be straight up angry in this photo.  Who of the babies are actually happy right now.50It’s also Twin Time.

Happiness: “You couldn’t wait until I put on pants for this?”

Pain: “What are you even going on about, being pantsless is the best part of baby birthdays!!”51O…ok.  Fear grows up with literally no light in his eyes.  I know I joked about them being possessed but maybe there was truth in that somewhere.

Other than harboring a vessel for Satan, Fear grew up to be family-orientated.  Which, I guess surrounded by over half a dozen siblings, he should at least be able to tolerate them.52Fear: “As the Chosen Vessel for the Unseen One, need I remind you Loathing, if you fail this coming life stage, you fail the Family.  Do not let Us down.”

Loathing: “I’ll make sure to pull all the stops then.”53Loathing is more there than his brother is, so no possession here.  He grew up coward though, following his birth mother. 

Loathing: “Don’t let Fear know I failed them then.  Haha!  I’m scared.”54Peter, who is of course still here: “Welp.  Best get started on these cakes.  They aren’t going to finish themselves after all.”

Peter’s going to die.

Peter in the Kitchen

We just got over a gift giving party for the Fallens.  Pain discovered she was “not” pregnant and soon after, Malice was born and born evil she was.  Crystal and Euphoria are an item now, and Kathy grew up.  Crystal did not bestow upon her, the gift of lips.  I blame Jackie for that.

Across the yard, the unmarried gen 6 children are hibernating through this winter long blizzard the town is having.1Mysterious lump: “Come back and wake me up in the spring.  I will blossom into the most beautiful ladybug there is and eat many aphids before Mayhem and Valor can hog them all.”

I’d say this is Joy in all her crazy glory, but she moved out and pumped out an old guy’s kid, so it could be any of the rest.2Judd: “I guess I have to divorce my wife out of honor and show some sign of “rOmAnTiC iNtReSt” towards you or something for the new kid.”

Pain: “HAH.  Your jokes get better and better every day!”

Judd: “I know right?!”

Pain: “However, I do have a better idea.”3Pain: “CONGRADULATIONS, EUPHORIA!  Ah, man, damn, another one?!  You’re such an honorable woman, taking in all these needy babies and raising them with love and care and love and care!  And love!  AND care.”

Euphoria: “Oh no!  You’re not loading another one off on me, Pain!  You have to at some point develop a sense of maternal instinct and actually care about one of these kids or something!!”4Pain: “Oh.  Well I guess you’re a bigger piece of shit than I thought, Euphie~  To think, you’re just going to let me chunk this newborn two minute old baby out into the snow, to turn into an ice block or a dinner for a Wild Horse somewhere!  Then again, if your siblings come out of their brumation, they may take this one in under their wing in time…”

Euphoria: “Jesus Sim Christ on an uncooked Ritz cracker.  FINE.  Go put her in the nursery with the others.  I’ll make the accommodations somehow.”

Pain: “There you go!  I knew you had it in you!”5Happiness: “No one told me we had new friends in the house with us!  This rocks!  I like you the most little buddy.  You and I are going to be the best of friends, I just know it.”6Happiness: “AAAAGHHHHHHHH”

Somehow I feel a pigeon is the best for him.8Peter: “So yeah, I guess I just… live here now or something?  Which, I guess is alright.  The eating food thing you guys do is alright I guess.  I had to eat a few dishes at a time to get a hang of it, but it seems to be ok.”

Crystal: “Um.  So uh.  Peter.  Did you like magically hoarf down my food or something when I blinked or”9Peter: “Yeah don’t mind me.  I just went back for seconds.  I think this is my fifths though to be honest?  I don’t think it counts after seconds anyway.  It’s all seconds after the first time.”

Pain: “Well, go ahead and help yourself then, dude.  That extra was just leftover for when Love got home to eat for dinner, but really who cares about what she wants anyway”10Pain: “Wait a minute.  Judd?  when did you get here?”

Judd: “Um.  Lol idk, hee hee”11Pain and Judd: “MMPFHPMFPMFMMM~”

Zoe: “I hate the lot of them.”12Loathing: “Jee I’m so happy Love left me out here to freeze solid in a snow bank just to watch the rain fall all night and to listen to those two make out in the backyard.”13Loathing: “Yeah.  Those two are nasty.  I denounce the both of them.”

At least the snow appears to be thawing around you, that’s a start to a good thing.14Crystal: “Yes!  I knew this day would come!  Everyone come quick!  I’m about to become a single mother once again!”

The official good gen 8 FINALLY on it’s way!15Euphoria: “Alright Judd, are you ready to get your peanut butter shot?!”

Judd: “YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME, I’M A CAPRICORN!!”16Euphoria: “Naaah, don’t worry!  I wouldn’t do that to my best work bro!  Besides, I don’t have medical clearance to actually do that stuff, I still just clean toilets.”

Judd: “Please Enki hear my pleas and save me I beg”17Pain: “NO!  What are you DOING?!  Judd is MY best friend!  You can be going around stealing other people’s best friends!  That’s like… taking a left arm or a spouse or something from them!!”

These two are now also best friends.  I like to think Judd wouldn’t think its the same kind of friendship he’s got with Pain.  Maybe.  I don’t know.

Ok I doubt it.7Fear: “What is it, Frenchie?  You’re so cold.  So lifeless.  There’s nothing here but a hollow shell.  So sad and empty.”18Fear: “Just the way I like it.  I adore you, Frenchie.”19Dirt: “WAAHHHHH GASP SOB ABUUHOOHOOHOO…” *runs away sobbing*

Fear: “Jesus Frenchie what the hell is that guy’s problem”20Ah well.  Spring is upon us and with it, dark dark nights are with us once again.  And apparently the angry hell sky is back as well.21Love: “Oooh who is this handsome stranger and what is he doing gracing my presence?”

Judd: “Ommph mmph mm… fffyeah bb”

Peter: “This whole plate over here is for me, right?  Cool.”22Pain: “See, that’s just what I heard.  I can’t reveal my sources.  I am the source.  I can’t say I didn’t make it up in my head.  But I bet that fuckin’ bitch did say something rude to my best friend and I promise there will be hell to pay.”23Ah I see.  Anyway.

Peter: “Ok, so I went to go brush my teeth, a healthy mouth is a happy genie, as they say.  I am done with dinner for tonight is that a whole pumpkin pie you got there”

Crystal: “Yeah, help yourself!!  Or you know.  Share a bit.  Groceries are bottomless but maybe you should cut back.”24Peter: “Rude.  Shows what she knows.  I’m the epitome of health.  For that I’m going to eat this whole pie, just to be spiteful.”

I don’t know, Pete.  Maybe she’s onto something.25Euphoria: “So I heard through the grapevine that your wife has been being mean to you?  Dude, how could she?  You’re the sweetest guy that I know!!”

Judd: “I know right?  After all I’ve said and done and sacrificed for her… I can’t, sniff *tears up*, I can’t believe this would happen to me.”

Crystal: “I’m the cutest single mother to ever mom.”26Euphoria: “I won’t tolerate that.  You’re almost like family to me, Judd!  Just come live with us for now!  And if she even has anything to say about it she KNOWS I will snap her little twig figure in half!”

Judd: “That’s awesome!!  Thanks so much, Euphie!!”27Meanwhile, Pain reacts a little differently.

Pain: “YOU FUCKIN DARE BE RUDE TO MY BRO?!  MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD?!  MY FUCK BU-ok my best friend in the whole world, yeah that part.  WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE AND HAVE THE RIGHTS TO DO SO?!”

Helen: “I don’t know!  All I told him was the painting he hung up should probably be hung portrait side up and he got all offended and huffed out on me…”28Pain: “THE PAINTING IS OPHELIA YOU UNCULTURED BITCH!! SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE LANDSCAPE SIDE UP!!”

Helen: “OUCH OOOH EEE OUCH NOT IN FRONT OF THE BABY”

Sheryl: “I guess I’m eating my own fingers for dinner tonight.”29Pain: “Don’t you DARE talk rudely to my bro Judd EVER again!!  You lose your rights to him until you learn how to treat people better!!”

Helen: “ALL OF THIS OVER A PAINTING?!!?”30Helen: “SHERYL!! Kick her out of the house.  I heard you’re good at it and actually know how to do so.”

Sheryl: “Jesus mom all I came in here for was a sandwich you know…”31And so Judd came to live with us. 

Judd: “I’ve never known this kind of happiness my entire life!!”

Euphoria: “That’s so sad :)”32Happiness: “And so, in the entire time spent moving Judd’s belongings from the other side of town into this house, you’ve eaten a whole pie, ten burgers, a vat of spaghetti and a chili dog??”

Peter: “SNARFSNARFSNARF”

Happiness: “Do you like, need me to call a hospital or something?”33Pain: “GAH!  I can’t believe you let that monster Helen even LIVE here after what she has done to Judd!!  Banish her!  Side with me, and exile her from this house forever!!”

Jack: “Now Pain, that might be going a bit far…”

Katarina: “I don’t know, Jack, she may be onto something.  Last week when she didn’t wash the dishes, and I asked her to and she said she’d do them later!  But she never did!  She said she forgot!  Maybe this will be a chance for her to learn from her past mistakes.”34Katarina: “And let me tell you, an embarassing story about her too…”

Pain: “Oooh share the deets!!”

Katarina: “Once, for like, almost two years, she would constantly pee and poop her pants!  Can you believe how NASTY she used to be?!  We constantly had to clean up after her and it was SOOO embarrassing!”

Jack: “Katarina… the girl was one year old…”35Helen:  “I CAN’T believe you are even listening and considering what that mad woman is saying!  My own PARENTS!  How could you do this to your DAUGHTER!?”

Jack: “Now honey, what did we tell you about taking the walls down to yell from other rooms?  That’s rude to do in front of houseguests, you know.”36Hm.  I had a feeling I shouldn’t have actually left Crystal alone with the kids for that long.

Crystal: “Look, Loathing!  That cowplant over there is giving out free cake!!”37Pain: “Good evening my little Painlets!  Hope you all have your donation buttons ready because I’m here, and totally bringing the fan service for you all tonight!  Let’s just say I’m feeling a little risque and needed to dress up for you all tonight…”38Pain: “Ok you know what 00coraASOUEflynn00, you’re blocked ok?  Not EVERYONE in town has this outfit in their closets! …I don’t care if it was the most popular workout outfit for the past five years running, playboy bunny is still hot and banging and totally pays my bills!”39Pain: “Now you’re just making words up, S3ck13BEAR.  This outfit is not “cheugy”.  There’s no such thing as a “cheugy”.  YOU’RE cheugy.  And I’m about to press this block button on you too if you don’t apologize to me in the form of a $300 donation and subscription right now.”40Fear: *Channels the dark spirits required to keep Frenchie floating just right outside his crib*

Huh.  I see Dirt isn’t even allowed in his bed anymore.  Poor Dirt.  Never thought I’d feel bad for an IF.41Peter: “Ok so maybe Crystal was right.  I didn’t think I’d ever see my chest fat flop down on top of my plate before.  Maybe I should go for a jog or something this afternoon.”

Judd: “Sure whatever dude just don’t touch my hand while we eat, that’s gay bro.”42Peter: “WAIT BRO.  Is that an air fryer I heard cut on?!”

Judd: “UM.”43Judd: “BRO.  Are you FUCKING serious?!”

Peter: “Oh shit.  I’m sorry about that.  I got overexcited.  …So uh… you gonna eat that now or what?”44Without the Betels assisting us, Pain decided that hiring a maid again is the way to go. 

Bradford: “Yew need zee blu’ in zee home Mee’siour Mademoiselle Fawl’een?  Zee cawlour brings awut ze happi’ zide of meh, an’ I vork betweur an’ hawrdeur, how yew say, homie g?”

Pain: “Wow you already fucking suck.”45Pain: “Oh shit, guess what Judd?!  I hear that Crystal and Euphie are about to be parents again!  I guess you can say… I just have a feeling in my gut about it!”

Judd: “Oh snap!  That’s so cool!”46Judd: “We are such cool people, you know that?  To donate so many babies to such caring parents.  We fucking rock.”

Pain: “Totally.”47And then they celebratory friendship sexed all over Pain’s mother’s bedroom 🙂48Judd: “And now I celebratory sex her mom~”

Anguish: “Dang boy, the way you carrying on, you might just get it, too~”49But first sleep, since he won’t actually sleep in Pain’s bed (that and Pain isn’t moving her bed away from the wall, it ruins the aesthetic).

Fear: “WHAT IS THIS UNHOLY STRANGER ON MY FOYER PLAYROOM FLOOR”50Judd: “Oh shit dude!  I see you’re already losing weight!  I’m so happy for you!  You look so much better already and everything!”

Peter: “Thanks!  I’m so happy to be back to a safe circumference again!  Who knew all that we needed was for the fridge to shut down and stop working again!”

Judd: “Of… of course it did.”51Crystal: “I’M STARVING AND I THINK THE BABY HAS HAD ENOUGH OF THAT”

Love: “Sorry baby Kathy.  You don’t get to show in this chapter after all.  Mommy’s about to pop a sibling out for you!”52Euphoria didn’t initially realize her girlfriend was going into labor because she was too busy making the Baby Rounds.

Loathing: “Death, decompose, the cold essence of those long from this world…”

Euphoria: “Can’t you say anything else other than spooky scary things?  Say happy things, Loathy!”

Loathing: “Um.  Um.  Die :)”

Euphoria: “I actually can’t tell if that’s a happy thing to you or not…”53Crystal: “And behold!  My son!  My beautiful joy in life!  I shall name him Courage, for he helps me find the Courage to carry on as a single mother of now five!”

As she said, and he is artistic and neurotic.  Much like another Courage I think we all know.  It might be a bit funny if he does somehow grow up to be a coward.  He likes country music, the boring color grey and chili con carne.54Fear: “Wow.  Another crib just popped out of thin air on me.  Oh, to just have this shelf fall on my delicate little head and end it all.”55Crystal: “Having a baby from the comforts of my home was so hard.  I’m completely burnt out, Euphoria!”

Euphoria: “I think you’re burnt out on something else entirely to be honest.”

I just now noticed the random ass SNAKE traveling through the kitchen, are you serious

Pain: “Yes, GO BANANA, fetch me a sandwich lol”56Euphoria: “I’m so happy you’re happy with our new baby, Crystal.  To see such a bright and lively light in your eyes, it’s all I can wish for, even if everything else on you is crusty and dying and needs serious skin grafting.”

Crystal: “And being with you is part of that happiness, Euphie.  I can’t imagine being anywhere else but here with you, our babies, and the angry dead cat on our counter that throws a fit every time our babies make a peep.”57Euphoria: “Then will you marry me, Crystal Holden/Doe?!  Be with me for the rest of our lives, and we will be an official powerhouse couple of single mothers together!!”

Crystal: “Oh YES, Euphoria!  I thought you’d never ask!”58Euphoria: “Mom!  I got me a fiancé!!  I’m so happy!!”

Crystal: “I’m pretty sure my dying skin just came off on your army fatigues.”

Love: “I’ll call an ambulance.”59Happiness: “Oh heeeeey!  Look, they trusted me to carry babies to the cake again, Love!”

Love: “That’s great, Happiness!  Now remember, hold her AWAY from the flames this time?  We don’t need a repeat of the last time you caked a baby that we will never discuss on camera ever never again.”

Um…60Peter: “Sigh.  Great.  Another dish I have to finish for this whole family before it goes bad.  I hope you got the low gulten variety at least?  Eh it doesn’t matter, I’ll still inhale it.”

Crystal: “I’m still gonna worry about you…”61Malice is todderfied.  She looks like a decent mix of gene donors.  That’s good.62Pain: “And NOW.  As I provide MORE COMPETITION for the three of them!!”

Of course.63Pain: “Huh.  Bassinet?  Never met her.  Have no idea what you’re talking about.”

NO

NO WAY64N… Pain don’t run down the street with the bassinet like that, they aren’t naughty pears to be punished in the pear wiggler.

Pain: “And stay out in this cold and icy rain for even a minute longer, I think not!  They can put up with it for a second!  Just tell them to cover their soft spots with some bubble wrap or something.”65Judd: “Oh shit I didn’t do it”

Pain: “The least you can do is help me scrape the remains of them out of this basket before CPS shows up, someone saw me running down the street and told me they were calling the cops.”

I didn’t get a good picture of the three of them because I was still reeling, but our newborn triplets are named Pestilence (♂), War (♀), and Famine (♂).  I felt that was the best group of names for a set of triplets, especially this close to The End.

Traits are as followed.  Famine – Neurotic Genius.  Likes white, R&B, and vegetarian lobster thermidor.  War – Loves the Heat and Excitable.  Likes grey, beach party, and vegetarian grilled salmon.  Pestilence – Loves the Cold and Heavy Sleeper.  Likes irish green, soul, and vegetarian chili.

Don’t understand the all almost impossible vegetarian dishes, but the whole triplet set is already weird so what do I expect.66

Pain: “Meh. I’m just gonna drop them off in the nursery for Euphoria and Crystal to find later. At this point, they’d probably just assume they’re theirs to begin with.”

Wouldn’t expect anything better of you, Pain.

Zoo of Belial

Last time, Euphoria became the proud parent of Pain’s children, Fear and Loathing.  She also met up with Crystal, who, despite being a single mother, was married to a very creepy, but loving husband.  I didn’t really care much for him.  He looked like he had deep web fetishes.  Which was enough to entice Crystal to move in with the Fallens with her daughter Katheryn/Kathrina/Katherine.  I actually dicked up her name at least twice last chapter and she will get renamed to Kathy so whatever.1Peter: “Thank you for inviting me to your attempt at a Gift Party, I’m so happy to leave your pockets for the first time since moving to this new town with you and your family, also I got a sex change between the time we moved from Moonlight to Midnight so hi, my name’s Peter and I’m a born again Christian.”

Me: *Yeets the couch out of the foyer to prevent last years BS*2Judd: “Thank you for inviting me to your family get together too!  For this, you have my heart, and my love, and this ass.”

Peter: “You really had to butt in and steal the spotlight huh”3Judd: “But yeah I’m serious.  When my wife and Best Friend™ aren’t looking, we should totally go play some snookie in your bedroom”

Anguish: “Dang, you’re cute.  Almost as cute as my older brother who I’d also definitely let tap if he was down for it”

Sabrina: “You dumb shits really are all about spreading your seeds in all the wrong dirt, huh…”4Avarice: “Don’t worry Sabrina, I’d NEVER look at my darling baby sister in that light!  Now.  The cutie with the biceps… I’d let her benchpress me all night long, huehuehuehuehue”

Euphoria: “And you… my darling buffet table… when these houseguests are gone and done… I’m going to have you all to myself…  ooooh yes…”

Cool.  Now that we’ve all “introduced” each other, let’s actually have this shitshow party, please???5Euphoria: “Oh thank goodness.  We actually have access to the gift pile this year!  I knew Sim!Santa would come through for us at least once!”

Anguish: “That’s GREAT.  Because if it wasn’t going to work I was going to torch this whole house and start over if I had one more failed party.”6Pain: “You dickholes knew I wanted a Peloton, the fuck is this black rock bullshit you’re hoisting off on me”

Peter: “It’s because you’re a bag of shit, Pain!”

Anguish: “Awh, don’t tell her that!  It’ll only encourage her to be an even bigger bag of shit!”

Mischief in the back about to throw down: “Fuckin’ die off already you amber bitch!”7Pain: “Damn, the hell you do to piss him off so bad lol”

Euphoria: “You remember when we hooked up at prom?  Well apparently he’s moved off and got a new girlfriend and doesn’t love me anymore and I think that’s sleazy of him to do.  I mean, I wasn’t ever going to actually have a relationship with him but I mean some courtesy would have been great”

Mischeif: “Eat wiener”

Judd: “Oh don’t mind me I’m going to open any gift I can while you guys are distracted, thanks for the gifts from everyone, I’ll cherish them as if they were actually my own gifts”8Joy: “It’s so nice to have you at my own party this year, mom!  I’m so humbled.”

Anguish: “Joy?  You’re at our party, you dumb void of space.”

Joy: “Oh?  Oh darn.  I did it again, didn’t I…”9Love: “I’m just happy my daughter actually found herself a home and isn’t one of the ones that opt to stay in the field across the street.  I’m so proud of her.  I wish she’d pay a light bill around here though.”10Through this “party” is how I found out that Joy had a baby by David Ziggfield.  The joy Love most feel to be a grandparent.

Hunter: “Kick the baby”

Pamela: “NO DON’T KICK THE BABY”11Speaking of BABIES

Pain: “Don’t know what you’re talking about.  No babies here.  Unless you’re referring to this food baby I got from the buffet table.  Trust me I made sure Euphoria didn’t get to have it all to herself.”12Euphoria: “Hello…”

Crystal: “Hi.”13Euphoria: “Soooo….”14Euphoria: “So yeah.”

Crystal: “Lol”15Euphoria: “I hope you had a good time at the party.”

Crystal: “I’m have a great time.  I really enjoy spending this time with you and your family.  Well.  At least with you.”

Euphoria: “I’m so happy to hear that.”16Sooooo with that Euphoria’s room is now Crystal’s!  Mostly Crystal’s since Euphoria doesn’t ever need to sleep or anything.17Crystal: “And Euphoria said all that is her’s can be mine!  And that makes me so happy!  I just love my new babies!  Being a single mother to two more beautiful faces make my world shine so bright!”

Happiness: “Honestly, that’s great.  I’m so happy to share the raising of these kids with you.  No seriously.  It will help me tremendously.  Sometimes?  They lock me in here and won’t let me out until they’re happy and sound asleep?  Which sucks because I’m pretty sure these two are possessed by the devil.”18Euphoria: “So good news, Crystal!!  I got promoted to whatever level two is in the army!  Isn’t that great!  Now I can actually support all three of our children in comfort and security!”

Crystal: “I’m so happy to hear that!  This gets better every day!”

Peter: “Hey you guys cool if I never go home right?  I love you guys.  You’re my best friends in the whole world.  Also Anguish uses my lamp as her personal spit cup and I can’t take it anymore, please I don’t know why I was allowed to leave for a party but please don’t send me back19Euphoria: “And, like the kids, I would like to support you as well.”

Crystal: “Well a single mother has to get her funding from somewhere.”

Euphoria: “Not exactly what I meant.”20Maybe Crystal will get the hint now.21Crystal: “I’m so glad we both share the same feelings.  As we are both single mothers, teaming up as a power couple will benefit us both in the future with our children.”

Euphoria: “Ok, maybe I think you might be getting the hint.  Possibly.”

Anguish: “Oh this is the one you decided to spend the rest of your life with, Euphie?  Really??  Wouldn’t be my first choice honestly, but you know…”22Crystal: “Oh don’t mind that, that’s just the stigmas of single motherhood.  I care not for gossip, for it breaks not my back.”

Euphoria: “Ugh, seriously?  This town BETTER keep my girl’s name out of their mouths and leave her reputation alone.  Honestly, keep it up, see if I don’t go absolutely AWOL on these rumors because I will…”23Euphoria: “Huh.  Like that huh.  That’s BETTER.  I think.”24Euphoria: “Now that you’re in the mood to “explore other options”, I think we should be “exploring” other things, don’t you agree?”

Anguish: “Totally not dancing with Pete here randomly right here in this hallway to no music to not totally block you from getting laid at all!  No!  Why would anyone ever suggest that?”25Pain: “But you ARE totally blocking the way, mom!  How could you do this?!  This is my normal route for looking at all the paintings in the house when no one is paying attention to me and you’ve completely ruined my whole morning routine!”

Anguish: “Oh can it why can’t you see I’m trying to cockblock here?  Ugh, you’ve always been a problem child.”26Anguish: “Oh.  I appear to have made things worse.”

Pain: “Um”27Pain: “Excuse you two crackasses.  I’m NOT interested in your nasty little three way!”

Euphoria and Crystal: “MMPHGHUGDFFFMMPH~”

Peter: “Um”28Peter: “Yeah nevermind.  I don’t want to stay in this gross house anymore.  You can send me back to the lamp when you get the time.”

Anguish: “With pleasure!”

Pain: “WHY do you two have to be making out in the very spot I wanted to stand in?!  Y’all are disgusting!!”29Anyway, the cockblock was unsuccessful, and Crystal and Euphoria found a little igloo out in the yard, sans Pain.

Pain: “Thank fuck.”30Crystal: “After that magnificent little romp, I hear it is time for the boy’s birthday!!  I will now present them to the Altar of your Dark Lord for His blessing and guidance.  That’s totally how you guys do that in this family, right?”

Not really but go on.31This one was Loathing.  Very cute.  Good cross with Pain’s eyes and Judd’s hair color I think.32His brother Fear didn’t make it to the Altar however, and grew up in the nursery.  Still a cute little laddie though.34Loathing: “Come brother.  Now that we mastered the use of our limbs outside that infernal swaddle.  Let’s rip the stitches out of our IFs one by one.  I want to hear the sweet distant screams of Rocket Scientist here.”

Fear: “Can’t say I really want to do that, brother.  Something else.  It calls for me.”

Loathing: “Must be a strong call for you to just bolt out in a two foot snowdrift but I’m staying in the central air, thank you.”35Soooo despite having his own IF, apparently Fear made a beeline for The French Revolution??  He’s been by this trashcan since the day Hope passed away.36Fear: “…Yes.  This vessel has no soul in it.  The soul has long been driven away in this one.  He will do nicely.”

Yeah no not creepy at all.37Considering Fear did in fact come with an IF, named Dirt.  Didn’t think he would actually treat him like dirt too.

Dirt: “I will wait, one day I may feel his love.  One day…”38ANYWAY.  BELIAL.  Oh lord I almost forgot he was still here.  Holy shit he’s 83 days old now.  He’s actually outlived the lifespans of some sims.  Damn, cat.  Methuselah much?

Belial: “WANT TO MEET MY FRIENDS?  THEY GIVE ME LIFE.  Probably literally.”39JESUS

I checked Belial’s inventory and he was PACKING

Belial: “Had to find a hobby in my spare time, since all my family and friends are dead :)”40Euphoria: “Oh this is so nice.  A little zoo of sorts!  Though we aren’t keeping the cockroaches and bugs.  Yeah, nah.”41Euphoria: “Be free little friends!  Be free to the place once you came!”

Mmm yeah, Euphoria.  Release insects into a blizzard while two natural predators close in coincidentally nearby.  That cockroach is so grateful.42Crystal: “I so do love my dear children so much.  I live and breathe for my babies, you know?  They have given me the strength to carry on, as a single mother, so I may one day hopefully get to see them grow up into wonderful people.  Oh do I ever enjoy child rearing.”43Pain: “How coincidental!  As I know, for a fact, that you will be with another child very soon in your future!  Good thing child raising is your hobby!”44Crystal: “I get to have more children?  Oh that makes me so happy to hear!  I await my future baby with bated breath!”

Pain: “I’m sure you will.”45Then of all people, who would have thought these two would be sudden best friends.

Crystal: “I’m so happy to spend time with you, bestie!  OOH!  We should name this snowman Jean!  NO, Petronius.  Ooh this is so exciting!  In a way, with this snowman being almost our child in a way, it’s like we became single moms ourselves, but with each other!”

Pain: “Yeah yeah.  The way you keep just bouncing around and not helping me I feel like I’m going to be the single mother by myself with this one…”46OH shit.  Peter, you’re still here after all.  You look.  Like you gained a couple pounds.

Peter: “Oh you know.  The wonders this stick game does for your metabolism.  It kills it.  Just like it killed everything else I had in me.”

Anguish: *Twangs out Baby Got Back for the seventh time in a row*47Pain: “UGHN, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten three Taco Bell burritos this morning for breakfast!”

Happiness: “I don’t think that’s the burritos.  Well, it is a burrito.  It’s a baby wrapped up like one.  I predict a girl. Like, you Katie!  How exciting.”

Loathing: “Look up, Rocket Scientist.  Look UP.  I fuckin’ said look UP.  Yes.  Behold, the horrors of the Creation of Man.  Welcome to our world.”48YEET, the newest baby to grace our halls!  Her name is Malice.  AND.  She is EVIL.  Third in a row!  It was the good kids gen last time, but it seems to be shaping up to be the evil ones this go around.  Her other trait is Love of Heat.  Great trait.  Gonna make her future in hell comfy already. 

Pain: “She also likes classical music, aqua, and potato and truffle torte.  For I decree myself this as her birther.”49Pain: “Oh shit?  You came out empty handed?!  Awesome, no multiples this time!!”

Judd: “Oh yeah!!”

Pain: “Oh yeah!!”

So Malice actually ended the streak of multiples for once!  That… is actually less interesting than I was expecting.50And back at home, Katie grows up.

Love: “Who’s Katie”51Ooof.  Someone stole your lips girl.

Katie: “Ffffsssssssssssssff”