Space Cowboy

hopeNow that Rage is a fully fledged adult, our gen 5 really is ready to go.  We already know their personalities and hopes and dreams, but here are their cards anyway.rageAlthough, DID YOU KNOW, that Rage’s LTW is to be a Celebrity Psychic, which apparently is in the “scam artist” branch of the fortune teller career.  Rage really is the worst with magic, so he might as well continue faking it.1We begin this chapter with Justice completely lost and half naked in someone’s house.

Justice: “Tee hee!  You found me!  Good job!  Now I’m gonna count to a hundred and YOU go hide!”

Do the homeowners even KNOW you’re in their house?2Hope: “Well now that the whereabouts of my mother have been solved, back to my program of Voxel-Still-Busted-The-TV.”

I think the crappy electronics in this house just need to be replaced.3Rage: “-So what I’m saying is, I have all this natural talent, right?  And it’ll be a shame to have to go wasting it all, right??  So if you invest in my painter career, we’d all make an ass-ton of cash and never have to work a day in our lives again!”

Yes, talent, Rage.  The Smithsonian is definitely going to buy up that crayon portrait you crapped out in two minutes.4Rage: “Damn right they will!  I’m gonna register as a self made artist!  Crap out a painting here and there, and I won’t have to work a day in my life once everything sells!!”

Yeah.  Ok.  Sure.  Good luck making that work.5INSTANTLY after becoming a licensed painter, Rage realized that he would actually have to put effort into it and thought now was a good time to actually get into the psychic business.

Rage: “Yeaaah, I’m too lazy to actually have to work for my money.  Pretending to work is just going to be so much easier.  I’ll just let them figure out that I quit painting when I don’t pay my taxes on it or whatever it is I got to do.”6Rage: “Ah yes.  The hut in which I was conceived.  I have returned, Ms. Baba Yogurta.”

Fortune Teller: “WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP COMING INTO MY HOUSE”7Back at the house, the family settles down to the idea of Hope having an alien baby by just not acknowledging it at all.  Well, all but one.

Hetal: “I may have failed with that one, but within her holds my second chance!!  Bwahahaha… I will have my chili con carne via baby if it’s the last thing I do!”

Hope: “I swear she keeps it up, they will be replacing the clown’s photo on this milk carton with hers before much longer.”8Anyway, Hysteria.  Get your lazy ass up, hoe.

Hysteria: “If that’s your way of getting me out of my idiot cousin’s bed, buzz off.  You don’t control me anymore.”

And that is true.  So wouldn’t you like to retire in a nice house of your dreams?  A house you wanted for so long?9Hysteria: “YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE”

Statue: “Damn, I honestly thought I was free to decompose into nothingness by now.”10Along with Hysteria, the rest of the no-control group was corralled over here by Hope, even though I know they won’t stay there long, it’s nice to have a fresh “empty” house again.

Hetal: “Yes.  Now give us the tour, tour boy.”

Dee Dee: “I, too, would also like a tour of the establishment, please.”

Happiness: “Do I really have to put up with this hell basket lot again?  I was enjoying being useless across the street…”11I didn’t readd “bedrooms”, but rather just turned the old unused foyer in the back of Hysteria’s and Hetal’s side into their new bedroom.12As for Dee Dee and Justice, they moved into Peace’s old art studio.  Considering they were starting to lose sight of their beds in the actual house, to see if they will use these beds correctly has yet to be determined.13Rage: “I have come to fulfill the prophecy proclaimed by my mother in her most recent demands in regards to how I live my life and introduce myself to my chosen bride, but the winds of change call me!”

UGH WHY CAN’T YOU JUST ACCEPT YOUR MAIL IN GED LIKE THE REST OF US, RAGE14Rage: “Sorry to walk in just to bale but I’ve been wanting to graduate high school for as long as I could remember, which was only a few seconds ago.”

Zoe: “And leave a bunch of scrap confetti on my newly vacuumed floor???!!  Oooh boy, you’re lucky I’m teetering on the edge of my porch right now because if I weren’t about to fall off I’d flail that nose off right now.”15Rage: “Oh.  I see Hobby Lobby had a sale on printed scrapbook paper again.”

Marcella: “Really?  What gave you that impression?”16Marcella: “was it the suddenly-appearing half dead vampire on the sidewalk?  It totally was, wasn’t it.”

Not really but I think that’s the longest I’ve seen her in one spot without bolting instantly so that’s something.17Hope went to the graduation, but instantly had to turn around for her daily party, which is once again, a costume party.

Wicked: “Your party was so much fun that I’m instantly leaving, Hope.  Thanks for wasting my time on your front porch as usual these days.”

Hope: “Way to make it sound so exciting, Wicked.”18Sabrina: “I am begging you.  I’m so alone.  I will make a great matriarch at his side, Hope, you know this!  I’m even willing to be his vampire thrall and servant if I could only be held in his pop-star twig arms for the rest of eternity.”

Hope: “You LITERALLY got married before you got here, Sabrina.  Can’t you give it a break?”19.1This is the second time a pregnant woman has said this at one of my costume parties.  I’m guessing the “outfit” really is the pregnancy itself and the hours are how many more she’s got to go before birth.

Hope: “Yes but this isn’t how I wanted… him… find out I’m pregnant.”

Orthopox: “PREGANTÉ?!  PARTY CANCELLED I AM AAAHHHHH”

Great sign.19Back at the graduation DID YOU GRADUATE FROM CLOWN SCHOOL

Rage: “I literally JUST killed that man back there for laughing at me, do NOT start with me too”20Rage: “Ok now that that is over… hey baby.  My name is Rage and I’m ready to honk honk for you”

Zoe: “What the fucking fuck”

House: “I am house”21Zoe: “Fucking get away from me and tell Hysteria this deal is off.  Your riches and renown are not worth this bullshit.”

Rage: “But… I’m actually really attracted to you…”22Rage: “Oh whatever.  The show must go on, as they say.  Mom told me I’d might have a hard time wooing a lady such as yourself (her nice way of saying bitch), so here.  Have a Gatorade laced with Friendship and let’s just get this gravy train rolling!”

Zoe: “But did you REALLY have to ruin my Jimmy Choos?!”23Orthopox: “I am SO sorry I ran away when I saw you were with child.  To my people, a pregnant female usually means the end of her fleet as she has all the males under her control murdered and eviscerated in order to begin her fleet anew.  But I was told the females of your species aren’t AS chaotic with spawning, so I over myself before you in apolo-”

Dequan: “WET T-SHIRT CONTEST TIME OH YEAAAAAH”24Hope: “Dequan, can you not interrupt a very important and touching moment in our lives and go die in obscurity, thank you”

Orthopox: *Dabs his way away from the water*25Orthopox: “Now that that hooligan has been chased off by your throwing of the rocks, I must say, of all the children I have pollinated with men in all my years as a pollinator, I feel this one is special, and I really do want to be in the life of this child.”

Dequan: “My mom still thinks I’m awesome…”26Hope: “Well in that case, if you really want to be there for her, how would you like to move in with me and my family?  You can stay with me in my newly refurbished bedroom and I can teach you how to properly dress and change you out of that sloppy Adidas shorts and house sweater you insist on wearing everywhere.”

Orthopox: “Change my outfit?  Why my darling!  I’m already DOING SO AS WE SPEAK”27And so Orthopox joins us in the household as Hope’s darling alien boyfriend.  And yes, he has a cowboy get up because while going through his traits, I noticed he loved western music.  Not normally a deciding factor in how I dress them, but a cowboy alien was too good to pass up.

Orthopox: “Hope told me that upon moving in the house, she was going to do some rearranging in our bedroom to make me feel more at home, so to speak…”28Orthopox: “Oh wow she DID!  A western themed bedroom!  This is better than anything I could have ever dreamed of!”

Also, yes, Orthopox’s favorite color is spiceberry, so that also got integrated into the design.  Do not judge my shoddy decisions.29Orthopox: “Western AND a telescope just so I can look back on my homeworld and keep up with my old life there.  She really did think of everything!  I love that woman so much.”30As Orthopox was moving in and getting himself comfy, we had another random house vistor (always in the middle of the night?  Have the sims ever heard of 10am to 7pm??)

And oddly, enough, it’s another alien, this time, a woman…31Hope: “Can I help you?  I must say, if you’re here for Orthopox, you better not be planning on murdering and eviscerating him because I promise if that is so, I WILL do something much much worse to you…”

Ituxi: “Oh no no, nothing like that!”32Ituxi: “See, I was going through my old birthing files at my home planet, and I just wanted to introduce myself to you!  See, I think, and I cannot be certain, but I do believe I am a long lost aunt of yours!”

Hope: “Well golly gee!  I never thought my mother’s stories were true, but that’s amazing!”33Hope: “What, of all things, brings you to our little slice of paradise now, Aunt Ituxi-”

Orthopox: “I have located human documentation that will be critical to my learning of your cowboy culture!!  Yee to the hee Haw, my love!”

Hope: “Ignore him.”34Ituxi: “Well, I have come to introduce myself to my family, and then hop on my very awesome space rocket, never to be seen or heard from again!  So you all have a good life, and remember to water your alien man regularly, else they flake like a burnt souffle and it gets nasty.”

Hope: “Uh, thanks for the advice… auntie…”

And then she vanished and I never saw her since.35Orthopox: “OUCH OUCH OUCH!!  I do not believe the walking of coals is detrimental to my understanding of cowboy culture.  I don’t care what the haunted coal path next to me says, I will not be doing that again.”

Jada: “Huehuehue…”36Rage: “Jada?!  Jada.”

Jada: “Oh fuck the fuck is this mess my daughter has created”

Orthopox: “Hope come pick me up, I’m scared”3738During this time poor Reynaldo got fired from his job and instantly hired as his next, though I feel his second job is just some hobby he claimed as a job to make himself feel better about getting fired from the cemetery.  39At the house, Rage’s room was more or less reconstructed as a tower from Hysteria’s old room, to reflect his loner nature and lack of wanting to go outdoors.40So at the top of the tower, he was given his own little occult corner, for him to practice his dark arts. Even though I made it specifically for him, I feel I’ll never actually see this room again since I don’t know what being a psychic is going to actually need.41His bed, though, is located right underneath, which is plain, but it’s just a place to sleep.42What is this?!  Orthopox is repairing what Hysteria could not?!  With his mind?!

Orthopox: “I saw the Rage man walking around with soot scars from this thing just now and cannot allow such a broken piece of primitive machinery to remain near my girl and our future child.  I will not stand for it!”43Hope: “Sabrina told me what you just did, Orthopox!!”

Orthopox: “Yeah… I’m sorry if it was out of line, Hope, but I fear for your safety!  I had to fix it and now that it works properly… but I know it wasn’t mine to touch and I hope you can forgive me for doing so…”44Hope: “Why would I do that, babe, that is the GREATEST thing anyone has ever done for us!  I have never seen someone so hardworking and productive in this whole house, even if all you did was use your brainwaves to reset the starting box on this thing!”45Hope: “I mean that so much that I want you to remain in our family for as long as I allow it… Orthopox… I have something very important I need to give you…”46Orthopox: “Is… is this IT?? Is this what I think you’re giving me?!  My very own RODEO PONY I have heard so much about?!

Hope: “… Honestly, if you think I can fix a whole horse in this tiny little box, maybe you need to revisit your cowboy manuals, babe.”47Of course Orthopox said yes, and our soon to be wed lovebirds were successfully NOT disturbed by another trespassing ghost on our property.

Doreen: “FUCK.  I was trying extra hard to get here on time to ruin the Flirt>Alluring>Irresistible chain, but my GPS no longer works since, you know, my ghostly fingers just goes right through the equipment.”

Good.  Screw off then.
48The end of the chapter will have a potientially bad slice of news.  After many years together, Nascar and Veronica are apparently fighting.  Probably over the microwave Nascar had used to see before her.

Veronica: “NO, I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT HIM AND BELLA SECKSIE!  REALLY, NASCAR?!  FUCKING BELLA?!”

Nascar: “Just blow my head circuits out right now why don’t you”

Sosig IV: The Froggening

1Justice: “Does my heart so much good to see the family socializing tonight, spending time with each other and sharing the love between us.”

Hetal: “Psst, Rage, I spit in her Cheerios this morning.”

Rage: “Tee hee mom that bad”2.1Hope: “Hello Wicked.  I guess I can spare some time to hang out if this is purely platonic.”

Wicked: “Uh SURE”2Wicked: “There she is, Nascar.  The only woman I could ever love.  I’ve tried to move on you know, but you can see, right?  Why I can’t…”

Nascar: “How did you even get in my house”

Hope: “Is this even the right place?”3Nascar: “Oh would you look at that.  She’s changed her mind and going to work.  So much for your surprise confession.”

Wicked: “What?!  NO!  Stop her!  Go out there and stall her!!  She doesn’t need work, who in the family ACTUALLY even works?!”

Hope: “Gonna wear the grad gown again today, since some people at the institution aren’t convinced of my degree yet, yes sirree.”4Rage’s birthday is awfully close now, and Hysteria is so close to finishing her LTW.  With just one promotion away, the remaining two days of her being under my control was focused on getting her athletic skill higher so she has a better chance of capping her career on her own.5Of course now I realize that while her tattoo is on her arm, she has a secondary tattoo on her foot that I do not remember ever putting on her.  Goes to show you what happens when you take whole YEARS to finish one generation.  I don’t remember jack.6Happiness: “I’m becoming one with the circle of liiiiiiifee~”

Hetal: “What in the hell are you even DOING?!  You can’t summon demons properly without a summoning circle!! You’re doing it all WRONG!”7Tenisha: “Oh wow.  Look at who returned again to Hope’s now daily party.  Orthodontist.  Orthopnea.  I don’t remember what kind of doctor he is, all I know is he’s here.”

Second house: *Decays from lack of use*8Orthopox: “Oh SNAP, son!  This jam be BANGING!  What kind of human music type is this, my dude?”

Happiness: “Uuuh, I do believe that’s a EAS warning for a nuclear explosion two counties over.”

Orthopox: “Well whoever wrote this needs to know how much it SLAPS”9Happiness: “And this is our crappy, crappy living room.  Recently done over but I hate it because there’s not an ounce of blue in here.  If you want to get through the day without getting a migraine from all the purple I recommend hanging out in the kitchen.  And so, that concludes this tour, go make out with my great-granddaughter, since we all know that’s mostly what you came here for.”

Hope: “Orthipoo!!  You made it!!”10Hope: “Should we pick up where we left off my little brussel sprout?”

Orthopox: “Sure!  But give me a second, I left something upstairs…”11Orthopox: “It’s dinner!  Give me a second, I’m hangry all of a sudden…”

Hope: “Grandpa”

Happiness: “Don’t look at me!  I’ve done all the social interaction I’m willing to do this week doing the tour alone!”12Tenisha: “Dude!  What are you doing?!  She’s over there waiting for you!”

Orthopox: “I know!  But give me a second!  I want to eat my special goulash and have my breath just right for the occasion!  I hear you humans have a fascination with garlic and onion!”13Orthopox: “Speaking of fascinating humans, what is wrong with Hope’s aunt over there?  I know enough about your species to know it’s not safe to eat window framing like that…”

Tenisha: “Carmen says its the mercury poisoning he’s been slowly putting in her morning coffee but I just think she likes the taste of the lead paint.  I just try not to judge.”14After all that, Orthopox FINALLY gave Hope the kiss of her dreams.  And once again, REYNALDO WHY YOU ALWAYS LATE

Reynaldo:  “I was just trying to make the perfect pancakes for my friends :(“15Reynaldo: “OH, it’s good to see I’m just in time for the main event though!”

Happiness: “Bro don’t be weird”16Reynaldo: “No this is great!  I’m so happy to see my best friend so happy with her life!  She’s got so many great things going on!  I’d love nothing more than to cheer her on and make sure she’s being treated right and having fun.”

Hope: “Dang bb, I’m loving the garlic flavor”17Reynaldo: “Also down in front, I can’t see the show.”

Happiness: “You are all nasty and ruining my muse.”

Hope: “I think we need to take this to the next level, if you know what I mean…”

18.1During the party, Justice got this work related notification, which I don’t believe I’ve gotten any of these in AGES.

As nice as Justice is, she helped, of course, though I wouldn’t be surprised if this kinda thing would get her fired.18.2This one didn’t get her fired.  But it did win her the support of her coworkers!  As you can CLEARLY tell by the rating she has with them!  TOTAL SUPPORT!  THANKS GUYS!  Her career is going to SkYrOcKeT now because of you fucks!18Hope: “Mom??  Please get out of Aunt Hysteria’s bed, we wish to explore our feelings for each other physically, and this is the closest bed in the hou-”

Orthopox: “PLEASE GET OUT OLD FEMALE, BECAUSE IF I DON’T RELEASE MY HORMONAL CHARGE I WILL BEGIN DISCHARGING THE ACID BUILDUP AND YOU DO NOT WANT THAT ON YOUR FLOOR”19Across the hallway, where Hetal was sleeping in Justice’s bed, she announced she had her birthday.  Only person to actually care is Hysteria.

Hysteria: “And I’m barely doing that!”

Hetal: “HURRAY!”20Hetal: “Off, ouch, not hurray.”

Hysteria: “And now that you know how I feel, it’s back to ignoring you for the rest of my life.”21Hope: “I actually do not have the heart to move my elderly mother out of the bed just so I can get some nookie.  So we will come into HER room and do the nookie here!  More ethical I should say.”

Orthopox: “Are these sheets lined with an adequate amount of tin and antimony?  You are going to need it.”

Hetal: “Speaking of radiation protection, I’m off to blow up another county while you guys aren’t looking!  Hee hee, later!”22Que the Mass Effect-ish romantic music.

Orthopox: “WHERE’S THE SLIME VENTS LOCATED AT”23While they hokey pokey, a pair of zombies work to destroy all of Hope’s hard work from earlier.  Thanks guys.  I hope you actually die soon.  24Ah well, I actually didn’t think either of you were listening to me.  Though I doubt the old age has anything to do with Nicholas upcoming death, and more to do with the wolfbane he’s inhaling at lightning speeds.25Dee Dee: “Look, I know you’re still kinda adapting to some of our customs and habits and all, and I respect that.  And I am here to support and help you any way I can, Orthopox.  But if I catch you pissing in our sink again with your weird funnel shaped appendages, I will wreck my own toilet giving you the worst swirlie of your miserable little life.”

Orthopox: *Cries softly* “You… you support me?”26Hope: “Don’t you hurt my alien boyfriend mom!  If he pees in the sink all you have to do is spray him with the water bottle!  You don’t have to be THAT brash!”

Orthopox: “Weeeeeee!  Swirlies are actually really fun!”27Orthopox: “I just had the best time hanging out with your mom!  I showed her a bit about my raising and culture, and she responded by showing me how to violently dispose of someone by clonking their head into your toilet commode contraption!  Today’s been great!”

Hope: “Mom, really”

Dee Dee: “All for the purpose of education, dear.”28About this time I realized that the party Hope had just the night before didn’t count towards her goal of five, and she was still stuck on two, despite everyone except Orthopox having long left for home.  Pissed that I somehow bugged out of the third party, I ended Hope and Orthopox’s little date they had going on.

Orthopox: “Now THAT is what I call a great party, Hope!  If all your parties are like this, count me in on joining more of them in the future!”

Hope: “I don’t… understand.”

The DATE ended up not accounting for shit, but the end of it finally ended the party, which was one of the “best party ever” kinda parties.  When alien woohoo is involved, I guess I could see how?29Hope: “I know I haven’t bathed for a day, or two, or after my recent indecent activities, but the least anyone can do is clean up after the party.  What’s wrong with you guys?”

Jada: *Thrusting a bowl of nasty soup through Pat’s portrait’s crotch* “FEEEEEEEEED”30Hope: “Actually this whole kitchen looks like it hasn’t been touched in days.  Do we even still have a maid anymore?”

Hysteria: “Would you believe me if I said I killed the last one off too?  No?  You’re right, I’ve been too busy working out to old Richard Simmons videos.”

Eunice: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.  Tastes like my wife’s home cooking!”

Evalin waiting in hell with a baseball bat: “Oh you just wait until you get back down here”31UGHN ok it’s TIME.  These past few months couple of years have been great, Hysteria.  But we have finally come to the point where we pass the torch to the next generation, and officially set off this next gen.32As usual, the ever enthused party.

Sabrina: “UGHN”

Wicked: “She’s right grandma, why won’t you DIE”33Off topic, I want to point out that I noticed that Jin has not aged, and as far as I can tell, witches age just fine.  But, like the Camilla lady from last chapter, she’s still an adult, while her daughter, who started this town as a teenager, is now an old lady.

Wicked: “Yeah grandma, what gives?  Why AREN’T you dead yet…”

Jin: “Ugh you look just like your rude ass mama, who looks nothing like me and looks like her rude ass daddy.  That’s where y’all get your looks from.  Hetoe.  That’s what his name was I guess.”34Thank you for coming out of whatever crawlspace you’ve been in for the past couple of days, Rage!  Are you ready to be America’s Next Top Heir?!35Rage: “I only wish to make my parent’s proud, to inherit this position is such an honor, and I will do all I can in my power to support their wishes and dreams!”

Hetal: “Yeah bitch you get that Evil trait!!  And rule this family with hell and torment!  Burn it down, Rage!!  BURN IT ALL DOWN!!”36Rage: “Sorry mom, I hate to disappoint you guys, but I’m a Loner now.  So I’m going to need you to leave me be right now.”

Hetal: “I’ll leave you be for the rest of your life.  I no longer have any claim to you, you unwanted disappointment.”

Dee Dee: “Well I’m proud of you, Rage.  You’ve grown into a fine young warlock.”

Rage: “Whatever.”37Ooooh, looks like someone either got into the bad soup in the kitchen or got into Orthopox’s “bad soup” if ya know what I’m sayin’ heheheheheheeeehehehheheehhhehe.  Heh.

Hope: “IT’S BOTH RAACCCHHHH”38Annie: “I feel that you will soon carry within you a new life of great importance.  Also I can physically feel it.  ALSO I’m going to have to ask you to squeeze my cane back out, I need that to walk and shit.”

Hope: “Didn’t you pee yourself at my bar party the other day.”

Sabrina: “I tried to come up here to hide away from this horrible birthday party but everyone followed me!! BAWWW!”39Rage’s first wish as a young adult was to… see Jada’s ghost… which since I can’t just produce right now, I introduced him to Zoe upstairs.  Well, tried to.

Rage: “Hope!  You can’t have any more parties anymore!!  I can’t stand to be in a room with a lot of people anymore and OH GOD THEY’RE ALL UP HERE”

Reynaldo: “Damn this club be jammin”40Rage: “Please this is breaking ALL KINDS of social distancing rules.  I will bear mace you both.”

Reynaldo: “I’m sorry 😦 I was just trying to test out my new grind dance with someone.  I just happened to trust you the most, Rage!”

Hope: “Oh Rey.  Don’t.  Don’t try with him.  Don’t try to grind in general to be honest.  It’s scaring everybody out of the room.”

Rage: “NO THAT’S GOOD”41Everyone left, and the party was also THE BEST EVER, but Zoe didn’t want to interact afterwards at all, so Rage went to the parlor and Reynaldo’s mom happened to be the one that gave him his family tattoo!!42Oh never mind.  What did I expect.

Rage: “You’d think she’d get it right just because there’s now a light source in this room finally…”

Frida: “Excuse you, I AM the light source.”

Tuberculosis: *Just happens to be there for shits and giggles*43Hope: “Welp, my eyes are starting to drift into my skull, so you know what that means, Ramiel!  I feel my genetics scrambling to meet a deadline that they should have probably come to a conclusion on hours ago…”44Hope: “I am having an itty biddy.”

Ramiel: “That’s nice and all, but did you really have to hurl me to the floor here?  I don’t like the kitchen, you people keep it nasty in here!”45Hope: “To celebrate my upcoming nooboo, let’s get us a new fish to replace our dear departed Sosig III…. this is Sosig IV: The Froggening!”46You sure this is a frog?  I’m always iffy about whatever these creatures are that call themselves that.

Sosig IV: The Froggening: “Don’t be like that!  I can be very cute!”

Yeah, from certain angles I suppose. Maybe.48End of the chapter will see that Wicked has finally gotten over himself and married one of his girlfriends, with whom is a descendant of the Florida Man line.

Hope: “And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for him, but since his name is now Wicked Man, I don’t think I can take him seriously anymore.”

Hetal: “Are you KIDDING?!  Wicked Man is a BAD ASS name!!  Even without an evil trait he’s more bad ass than what we got STUCK WITH!”

Rage: *Sobs in loneliness*

Prom’s Fairy Godmother

Alright, now that I’m OFFICIALLY officially moved into my house with all my furniture and I finally got me some internet, back to some simming.1As we all know, Hope is now our heiress and therefore we follow her wishes, and after a few mundane wishes for her job, learn to fish, learn to garden, bla bla bla, suddenly she pops out one for having five parties.  Which is fantastic, as we all know half the time I can’t get through one party with my sanity (and sometimes computer) intact.

Here is a lovely outdoor party set-up that I crapped out just for her and her half dozen parties.  Don’t judge it, Jealousy.

Jealousy: “Judges harshly.”2Once again I see the yard has been occupied by strange alternatively colored ghost pets.

Happiness’ Ghost Gnome, I’ll just call him Gnhost, that’ll be fine: “I am very concerned.”3Wicked: “Alright, Cat.  Today is the day.  I will have my birthday, we will move out and live our lives as full fledged adults, and by we I mean me, you can go to a dumpster as far as I care.”

Cat: “Jokes on you, fuckface.  I already put a deposit down on a house of my own.  With YOUR savings.  Good luck getting a loan in this economy, loser.”4So yes, it is time.  Our first on the evil side of this generation has made it to adulthood.  And if he doesn’t get the evil trait, he is out on his ass.

Wicked: “That’s fine.  What’s a life worth living here if I cannot be with my beloved, my Hope…”5Wicked: “Maybe this is a sign.  My life is meant to be more.  Without Hope, I can go on and do so much for this world.  See places, meet people, maybe even become famous… there is just so much out there for me once I leave this house.”

Hysteria: “UGH THERE’S NO EVIL IN HIM AT ALL, BLUDGEON HIM”6He gains easily impressed as his final trait, leaving him with virtuoso, diva, athletic, and “couch potato”.  As a clone, I wish him the best in town with whatever LTW I gave him because that I don’t remember.

Cat: “What DO you remember.”7Wicked: “Bad news Cat.  Your Chuck E Cheese tokens didn’t finance that house of yours so looks like you’re S.O.L. too.  I’m out.  I’d say good riddance, but I’m bunking with roommates that don’t look too different than you, but I think they are at least nicer.”

Cat: “I hope they burn you on a stake.”

Wicked got moved into Nascar’s and Veronica’s house much to their frustration and disappointment, but idc.8.18.2He INSTANTLY began banging any chicks that gave him the time of day.  Gotta fill that hole in your heart huh, Wicked?

Wicked: “I’M LEARNING TO LOVE AGAIN LEAVE ME ALONE”8Hope: “Glad to see whoever was hogging you up finally left you alone again!  Come Ramiel.  I promise you won’t be forced to live in the living room floor anymore as long as I’m here for you.”

Ramiel: “What, NO!  I WANT to live in the floor!  That’s where the bugs are, that’s what I’ve been eating this whole time!”9Grace: “MOOOOM, there’s a shiny Pokemon in the house and it ate the tv!”

Rage: “I don’t know why everyone is in such a knot about the ghost dog!  I think it’s cute!  Here you go, Voxel.  A nice treat for such a good boy!”10Dee Dee: “You did it Rage!  You’re benevolent act of kindness has released this suffering spirit from this plane of existence!  All he wanted was a friend, a kind hand, and you gave it to him!  He’s off to doggy Heaven now.”

Grace: “You’re such a wonderfully nice guy, Rage.”

Voxel: *Big ghost fart*

Rage: “What in the fuck”11I took the opportunity to try to begin changing the color scheme to Rage’s and Hope’s colors, which I love so much better than the cotton candy hell it was before.  It’s not the world’s best combo, but green and purple are oddly enough my favorite colors ever and the colors I picked out for my own house actually

Now get OUT of that chair Happiness, I hate it and I’m killing that damn thing12.1Phillip: *Sniffs doorknob* “Mmm girl is that Chanel you’re wearing”

Grace: “Please no.”

PLEASE NO12Hope: “Ah Reynaldo, welcome!  I hope you’re ready for an unforgettable luncheon.”

Reynaldo: “When we were on the phone I thought you told me you were repainting the horrible coloring out of this house.  Have I gone completely colorblind or are you a liar?”

Game began freezing on me when I tried touching everything after the living room, please give me time, Reynaldo ;-;13Hope: “YES!  He’s roleplaying as Orthopox!  Our roleplay is going to make so much more sense now!”

The fact that she’s dressed up as an astronaut and he’s an alien is so cute.  A sign that it’s meant to be?

Reynaldo: “Damn, the store won’t give me a refund for this mask since my ears busted the sides open, will they…”14So as you can see, Hope’s first party out of five (yes first, Wicked’s didn’t count), is a costume party.  Don’t gotta be Halloween to be enjoyable!

From the front porch at least.15Hope: “WHO’S READY FOR SOME MONSTER MAAAAASH~”

Well at least the dance floor got SOME mileage.  I guess.16Hysteria: “Time to interrupt Hope’s fail party, as I have discovered the Fountain of Youth!”

Well I guess what I know what you’re going to be making probably for the remainder of your controllable time on Earth!17Sabrina: ” Just a reminder.  You know.  Please.  Please let Happiness know.  I’m still so desperate for him.”

Phillip: *Licks my simself’s fucking armpit*

Sabrina: “Why were you allowed to exist”18Oh that’s nice, Phillip.  I guess it REALLY IS Halloween after all.

Francine: “I will never eat another hot dog as long as I live.”

Sabrina: *Has imploded out of existence from the contact already*19There were like four or five hot dog sims at the party but the party was “ok” and no one did anything past the front door so I don’t care.  The fact that someone in the house is using the actual stove and not the teppanyaki grill since I got the damn thing is more amazing than the party itself.20Grace: “Welp, today is my birthday.  I’ll be getting my bar-tending certificate at graduation and moving out in a house with five other families.  It’s going to be fun!”

NO, it’s NOT going to be fun!  I’m actually not ready for this baby to grow up and leave me!  Grace, you’re one of my treasured few, why must you grow up so fast ;-;21Oh Lord Tiffanie.  You’re literally blooming.

Tiffanie: “SEX ME UP CAPTAIN”61Instantly she found love too… like damn girl’s got the goods… somewhere.

Though judging by Sean’s expression here I don’t know if he’s really all that into his decision.22Driver: “Um”

Grace: “Do NOT judge him, Stan!  He worked really hard on that costume and got NO screen time with it on so now he’s making sure everyone gets to see his hard work on his creative costume!”

Rage: “I’m actually stuck in the zipper, but I do like your answer more.”23Hope: “Here I come for my first day at work!  I’m here in my graduation gown, so they all know that my diploma is legit and I didn’t print it off a forgery on a Home Depot copy machine or something like that.”

Jefferson: “Well over hearing you mention it like that I’m having second thoughts hiring you in the first place if that’s the case…”24OOH, a cutie, that looks too good to be a generated townie.

Jefferson: “That’s because Camilla came pre-made and she’s a witch so she’s probably figured out the secrets of eternal youth.”

Either way, she’s neither good nor evil so I shouldn’t look no further I suppose.25Jefferson: “Wait a second, SHE’S A WITCH!!  AAGHHgnnnnf…”

If that’s what you’re fainting at dude, you better get used to it because you got a long way to go.26.1OH HEY.  Orthopox is not only still around, but he’s reaching out to Hope himself!

Hope: “Oh yeah~26.2Grace: “Oh NOOO”26Hetal: “YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A B IN SCHOOL BUT FUCK YOU ALL THE SAME, YOU ARE GROUNDED AND WILL NOT BE GOING TO PROM TONIGHT THAT I JUST NOW FOUND OUT WAS GOING ON”

Grace: “But Hetal… I’ve been looking forward to prom as long as I can remember!  Which was this morning when I got the flyer for it in the mail…”27Grace: “What is Hetal’s problem all the time?!  This is the worst… all I wanted to do was go dance and enjoy myself at the party, but she’s cramping my style and keeping me in like some wicked stepmother junk…  How is this any way to celebrate my birthday today…”

Hope: “Yeah, this just isn’t going to do.”28Hope: “Grace, I, as a legal adult with authority over Hetal’s dumb decision, release you from your punishment!  I’ll even get you a dress for prom and order the limo myself!  No baby sister of mine is going to miss prom because our crazy meany butt aunt is throwing her daily tantrum!  Go have fun!”

Grace: “Wow, Hope!  You’re the best!  You’re better than any Godmother a girl could ask for!  Say, when you conjure me up my ball gown and my pumpkin chariot limo, could you also light Hetal on the butt for me?”

Hope: “As soon as I figure out how to do that, I have a feeling I’ll be lighting her on the butt several times for her crimes.”29I know today is also Grace’s birthday, so she’ll probably grow up during or after prom, but to be honest, I think that’s a better way to grow up than some backyard cake party crapped out after school and what not.  Off to your ball, my princess!!  30Really.

This is what you chose to wear to your prom.

Rage: “THE ZIPPER IS STUCK DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME EARLIER, GOD”31.1Rage: “Oooh, gurl”

Grace: “Do NOT.  Even THINK about it.”

I’m just now also realizing he’s burnt.  Again.

Rage: “Well it’s a good thing I’m going to prom in a costume instead of my burnt skivvies now isn’t it.”31Hello Dianna.

Dianna: “Please no talk to me.  If I move too quickly my hair will break and the little whorls will explode like a Prince Rupert drop.”

Right.  Enjoy prom anyway.32Her cousin Reynaldo is also here!  Enjoying yourself, buddy?

Reynaldo “The new kid is freaking me out and I think I’m just going to call it a night and go home.”

How so?33.1Cat: “I REFUSE to accept the fact that since my best friend is kicked out to the obscurity of townie life that I can’t enjoy my childhood either!  I’m off to prom!”

Cat, you’re technically an adult now too.  I think.  And you’re still a lifeless dead doll in game…

Cat: “CHILDHOOD, YOU BITCH”33.2WHO WOULD DO THIS TO YOU BABY

*loads gun*

WHO

33.3Rage: “BWAAHAHAH.  Oh.  Wait.  False alarm.  I just looked in a nearby mirror.”33And afterwards, prom ended normally, and Grace grew up.  The worst spell to be broken on midnight ;-;

Grace: “Better than some cop catching me for bullhockey reasons, at least!”34Grace: “While my clothes didn’t magically turn back into scrap and rags, I do believe the limo DID, in fact, turn back into a pumpkin and a mouse.”

Rage: “Nah, it turned into a ratty old corn broom.  Which I’m calling shotgun and riding home!  Later!!”35Back under some better lighting, here is our Grace.  She developed a green thumb as her last trait, pairing off well with her vegetarian trait and animal lover.  As well as an easily impressed heavy sleeper, I would love nothing more than to keep her in the house, but as crowded as we are, I do hope her only the best out in the world.36Grace: “Yes, please, ever so (kinda-sorta) benevolent voice in the sky, please don’t set me up like you did with Wicked and plop me down in some dumpy half baked duplex with other odd and end sims.  I don’t want to sound ungrateful… but that’s just trashy.”

No worries!  After looking the town over instead of just kicking her out and praying that she doesn’t end up auto clumped with, let’s say for example, PHILLIP, I ended up moving her in my own simself’s place!  She’ll probably take one look at my simself’s house though and pack her bags, but at least I tried to keep her out of some trailer somewhere…37Hope: “NO, ALEX!! PLEASE SUFFER US NOT YOUR VENGEANCE”

Alex: “I just wanted a Popsicle, is that so wrong”

Starting to think Alex is bugged because she always vanishes a few seconds after turning into a “werewolf”.
38Anyway.  Veronica.  When Grace implied you guys were trashy, I didn’t think she meant literally.

Veronica: “How rude!  This is how I get mine and Nascar’s groceries for a month!  Honestly.  You think I can afford to get the grade A metal scrap at some hoity-toity garbage dump in this economy?!  You’re crazy.”39Hope: “I let Ramiel choose the next place to have my next party, and he chose this lovely bar, of all places!  I wonder why.”

Ramiel: “After all the things I’ve seen, I NEED a drink.”40Hope: “Oh Veronica!  You also work here.  Please tell me you washed your hands before touching the drinks after what you did just now…”

Veronica: “What do you mean, “what I just did”?  Bitch, I recycled!  Half the ingredients involved in these drinks I rescued from becoming waste in the bottom of some ocean somewhere!  You should be GRATEFUL I’m so ecologically attentive!”

Hope: “Oh.  Well if that’s the case, thank you for helping our planet!  You’re so noble.”41Jin: “GIVE ME A BRANDY ON THE ROCKS OR MAMA GETS MEAN”

Hope: “Hello Ms. Hetal’s mother…creator!  Please enjoy the party, and also please… put on  some shorts at least…”

Wicked: “She invited me to one of her parties… so that must mean, deep down… she still cares about me!  Oh, Hope.  After all these years, I just knew you still cared.”

Carmen: “Dude it’s been three days, shut the fuck up already.”42Hope: “Orthopox!  I’m amazed you managed to make it!  I figured after my last party I didn’t see you, I figured you’d left for your galaxy, never to return, but you came back for this invite!”

Orthopox: “Galaxy?  Oh no, no.  I work at nearby deli and just had to cover a double shift yesterday.  That honey smoked turkey can’t slice itself you know!”

Kristoffer is this kid’s name for the record: “SHE TOLD YOU TO PUT ON SHORTS YOU OLD COOT, KEEP YOUR LEGS TOGETHER”43So Zoe.  I see that’s not your normal outfit.  It’s not a normal outfit for many sims.  I know you’re pregnant.  So.  Do you really think you need to be drinking that much right now?

Zoe: “Spout off at me about me drinking and I’ll glass you.  I drunk heavily during my pregnancy with Kristoffer and he came out damn fine if I say so myself!”

Kristoffer: *Struggling to have a thought over there*44Orthopox: “You know… I’ve impregnated many men in my life with a growing number of spawn for my homeworld’s growing future army fleets, but you are the most beautiful of the fair sex I have ever had the honor of laying my receptacles on.”

Hope :”If I wasn’t attracted to you already I would be mildly terrified right now.”

Kristoffer: “I am having a thinking now :)”45Hope jumps the gun!  Still on friendship, still trying to have her keep Reynaldo in mind, and she wants to plant one on who is essentially her best friend right now.

Hope: “He has two tongues dude… why wait, I want to FRENCH IT”46Hope: “Hand holding tee hee because I’m not that kind of fiesty slut~”

Orthopox: “Ooooh”

Jin: “BEST PARTY EVERRRRR!  WOO!  FUCKING ROCKS UP IN HERE!!  BY THE WAY, the party is ok, Hope, I’m leaving now.”47Orthopox: “Did… that man just urinate all over himself…”

Hope: “Wicked, you’re not part of the household anymore, I hope you know that doesn’t count against us.”

Wicked: “I’m just… so UPSET!  To think my Hope is flirting up with another man… scares me shitless!”

Carmen: “Grace, hold him down, I am going to beat him with a steel beam until he can no longer even remember Hope anymore.”

Grace: “I sure will!”48Orthopox: “Now that my cousin has finished ammonia-ing up the place…. you still think I’m cute?”

Orthopox: “Sure do bb”

Reynaldo: “Sorry I’m late!  …I see you decided to not wait up for me?  That’s… that’s ok.  After all I’m still a kid, and I should focus on my life, and schooling, and growing before you think of ever liking me, so as long as you’re happy, this is fair!”

Oh Reynaldo.  You break my heart 😦49Reynaldo: “Also this place smells like pee.  Is this your fault, ma’am?”

Annie: “DAMMIT I THOUGHT WE WERE ALL JUST MAKING A SWIMMING POOL IN HERE”

Hope: “Do you REALLY have to keep interrupting our romantic time over here?  I can’t get in the mood to kiss this guy if you guys keep loading this room up with the stink!”50Wicked: “Well I’m leaving!  Boo, I HATED this horrible party, how DARE it be as good as it was!”

Reynaldo: “I’m also late to the party because I got confused and ended up in a forest somewhere.  Eh, party, tree, they both rhyme.”51Oh no.  I can clearly see that Reynaldo is insane now.

Reynaldo: “NO REYNALDO.  You got to remember what the voices said!  If you keep drinking the pee pee, you’ll NEVER stop being so brightly yellow!  Don’t you want to be a normal Miami troll like your father?!”52Hope: “Ziggidy bloo, I cast a lucky charm spell on yooo~”

Reynaldo: “But I wanted you to reimburse me for all my baby teeth you took from me as a child, Ms. Tooth Fairy…”53Hope: “Well, the reviews to my party are rolling in on Google reviews.  Jin was right, it was just an ok party.  How will I ever get the great party wish completed that I ALSO have now wished for if I don’t even really know what factors in a great party when everyone just stands around and twiddles their thumbs all the time?”

I wish I knew, Hope.

Wicked Heartbreak

The legacy offically turned the reins over to Hope as we begin our next chapter of this legacy.  Rage will be heir to the other half, however, and won’t change over to him for another ten days.  But Hope can get started on her end because do they really got to do it all at the same time?  Of course not.1Hope: “Isn’t this party of the HIZZZAAHHHHH~”

Carmen: “Yes.  Very uh, hizzah.  Hip and happening my dudie.”

Grace: “I don’t know her.”2Anyway.  booted up the game, in the first two seconds of doing so, a UFO stops in front of the house??3Hello?  May I help you??

If this is anything other than you returning my alien baby from two gens ago you can probably screw off.

And no more ding dong ditching us either!4I forgot that I’m not controlling Justice anymore and had her answer the door.  Oh well.  It’s her only controllable action this life stage.  Her last one.  Wasted on answering the door and heart farting to an alien at midnight.

Justice: “Considering I’ve been a raging lesbian all my life, you are the only man I will ever love.”

Orthopox:  “Your preference is safe with me baby, I’m not even a man technically ;)”5Orthopox: “And your DAUGHTER!!  Mmmmm-MM.  Damn you fine girl”

Hope: “And I have to say, if you didn’t’ have the creepy bug eyes, you’d be fine too!  But I’m not too choosy.”

Justice: “I see how it is.  You express your love for someone and they instantly move on to your daughter.  I’d be hurt if I didn’t have a wife.”really nowOh heeeey

He’s got the good trait.  Oh Orthopox.  You just rolled right on up to the house and put yourself on the smörgåsbord.6Frenchie: “Interrupting your revelations downstairs for some good ole’ BIRTHDAY up in hereeeeeee~”

All you did Frenchie was remind me that Grace’s room is still set up for a child, so EFF OFF7In the time Frenchie distracted me, Orthopox made a run for it.  Thanks Frenchie.

Orthopox: “Your Aunt Isoptera sends her love :)”

Hope: “I don’t have an Aunt Isoptera…”
8Hello you two.  Enjoying sleeping in Hysteria’s and Hetal’s bed?  Because I’m sure they’re gonna kill you for it 🙂

Dee Dee: “Highly doubt it.  Solely because they’re the ones that stole our bed in the first place.”9I see.  I suppose ownerships mean fucking nothing all of a sudden?  Wonderful.10The kids have dicked up their sleep schedules again, so it’s time to MM a trip to the Love Day festival in town!  Hope wants to slobber on a kissing booth worker anyway.

Grace: “If I meet the love of my life at this festival, please Lord, please, don’t let it be one of you two…”

Wicked: “That’s such a harsh thing to say Grace.  We are both handsome, well groomed boys who could care and love you just as any other man could.”

Rage: “She’s saying that because we’re all related, you dipshit.”11Hope: “Actually scratch that.  I’ll get my kissies as soon as I graduate from high school!!”

This ALWAYS sneaks by me.  Every time.  At least the school is right across the street from here.12Wicked: “You didn’t need to attend that silly Love Festival anyway, dearie.  All your love is right here with me.”

Rage: “Wicked, PLEASE.  Fucking stop with this already.”13TOASTER, my DUDE.  Didn’t think to see you here.  Your child is still a babbie, so what brings you out to this graduation?

Toaster: “Can’t a man show off his hot wife without being questioned?!  GOD.  And leave me ALONE aready!”14Toaster: “Actually now that I think about it, I really should focus on social distancing, not for any real purpose other than not hang around dumbasses who couldn’t even wear PANTS”

Fawn: “It’s the LOVE in the air that makes me feel this way~~”

Jamie: “My penis fell off :)”

Tenisha: “Dad no”15Kenton: “Wait, what in the FUCK IS THAT”

Amazing priorities dude, bring attention to the almost literal elephant and not the pantsless people attending your graduation, you’re not being rude at all16Wait, when did you learn magic, Toaster??!  I didn’t give the ability to you!

Toaster: “Eh, I looked it up online.  You can learn just about anything on Google these days.”17Toaster: “FLOWERS??!  For ME?!  Why my darling, you shouldn’t have!!!”

Donnie: “Their love is so pure, so beautiful.  I wish our love could be on that level, Fawn.”

Fawn: “But our love IS on that level!  How could you think it’s not, our love is just as beautiful as theirs if not more.”18Donnie: “Not really because I stopped loving you the second you showed up to our child’s graduation not wearing FUCKING PANTS”

Toaster: *Purrs*19Felicity: “You know you could have a chance at having the same thing me and my man have if you acted right in public.”

Fawn: “Yeah yeah, I was already told to put on pants, what more could I possibly do other than that…”

Felicity: “Well, NOT wedge yourself into the foundation of the high school for one…”20Fawn: “Mind ya business bitch”

Felicity and Toaster: “RUDE”

Hope: “-And that’s what I would like to do with my new found diploma for the rest of my life!”

Oh shit, the graduation is over?  Nice.21Hope: “OH PEPPERSNAPS I STILL HAVE TO BREAK IT OFF WITH WICKED”

Rage: “HE’S NOT GOING TO TAKE IT WELL”

Happiness: “I like grapes :)”22Hope: “Alright Wicked.  We both knew this day was going to come-”

Wicked: “Sigh.  You really are going to break up with me… I had heard the rumors but hoped they weren’t true…”

Rage: “The rumor that you two are COUSINS?!  Haha you’re dumb as a sack of rocks.”23Wicked: “What we HAD, everything we had HOPED for!  Just like THAT, huh, Hope?!”

Hope: “Wicked come on now, really think about it, it was just one night at prom… you can find someone worth so much more than me now!”

Grace: *Grinds teeth* “Hmmm…. I too, have come to the conclusion that I also like grapes.”

Happiness: “That’s my descendant!”24Wicked: “HEARTBREAKING BITCH”

Hope: *Sidesteps and dodges* “Now Wicked, do you REALLY got to resort to being a total tool?  Better think about it before I ground you.  I CAN ground you now.”

Rage: “Soooo, we really going to ignore the potential physical violence happening right in front of us?”

Grace: “…Although I will say, I’m not fond of the white ones, they have to be the red variety.”

Happiness: “Oh now you’re on thin ice with that.”25Hysteria wasn’t there as usual.  She was invited to a party Alice had at her house.

Hysteria: “Define party.”

Alice: “This IS the party you ungrateful demon!”26Hysteria decided to take this time to tell Alice to fuck off and we went to see how Zoe and her son were doing.  If you recall previous chapter or so, this woman, Zoe, was determined to be the most interesting evil sim this town currently had to offer, and I have decreed that she will be Rage’s bride, whether her soon to be ex husband and children like it or not.  Her good son, on the other hand, is still on the table, but there are other good sims that I’d like to dwell over first.

I actually can’t remember the kid’s name right now, I’m so good at this game: “Mother, please, I am begging you, stop stealing and robbing and smuggling, your paycheck isn’t worth all that risk…”

Zoe: “REALLY can’t hear you over how much my work is paying for your fucking schooling, Greg or whatever your name is”umEllen: “Happy Holloween!!  I’m dressed up as a quarantine-breaking spring breaker!”

Zoe: “Bitch it is fucking Easter”27I had to get a closer look at this Slowpoke in another life, and come to find out that this is another child of Serenity that I didn’t even know (or remember) she had!

Ellen: “My mom says I take after my great grandma in looks and in brains so she doesn’t let me leave the house!”

She does got a bit of Marlena slathered on her.  Maybe Serenity was closer in genetics to her than I thought.28Hysteria: “You are the meanest, most evil woman I have ever seen after giving that child Tide Pods for Halloween candy and then shoving her off the porch.  Consider yourself married to my idiot son in the near future.”

Zoe: “If it gets me away from my goody-two shoes fairy family, consider it a done deal, Mrs. Fallen.”29Hope: “Please he’s a child I don’t want to go to jail”

Kid: “What, I just want to go to SLEEP”

I just need an introduction just so we know him that’s all I’m asking, Hope30Zoe: “I have one ground rule if I marry Rage, Mrs. Fallen.  I WILL be the dominate person in this relationship.  He better not tell me where to go, what to do, or think he can control me in any way.  He lays a finger on me when I say otherwise and I’ll raze the whole lot to the ground.”

Hysteria: “That’s fair, the boy is pretty dumb and couldn’t hurt a bug if we wanted him to.  Trust me, Hetal tried to leave him in the woods and live off bugs once, he wouldn’t do it.”31After all that, Hope got the family tattoo.  I let her have the tramp stamp for it, lol.

Tattoo artist: “You know, this would be so much better if management would actually allow us to install damn LIGHTS in this place”

Hope: “Ouchie, scary needles go poke poke”32Hope: “It’s almost midnight, where am I at now”

There is at least one more good sim I want Hope to meet.  The last of the three that I’ve narrowed her choices down to, the other two being Orthopox and the fairy boy…33Hello Reynaldo!  How’s everything going in the life of a good sim like you?

Reynaldo: “Ok I suppose.  The cries of my dead brother or sister at night keep me from sleeping, but doesn’t keep me from loving him or her or my family with all my heart.  Or something.”

Hope: “Carmen time”34I’ll be honest, I’m leaning pretty hard towards Reynaldo.  His half ghost half Floridian ogre genetics are pretty enticing, also he has the most hard core Resting Bitch Face I’ve ever seen outside of Evalin and her ilk.

Now if only I can get Hope off the phone and INTRODUCE HERSELF35Hope: “Oh hey!  Don’t think I’ve ever met someone from Middle-Earth before!”

Reynaldo: “Actually my ancestors are from Miami-Dade but I can understand since they’re practically the same area.”36A mix between these two would be something interesting.37Reynaldo: “IF CHOSEN TO RULE OVER A LEGACY AS THE GOVERNING LEADER, I WILL RULE WITH a gentle and understanding hand and ENFORCE love and friendship for all”

Olivia: “That’s good and all but come get your sibling and shut him the hell up before I do”38The second Hope left the house, Reynaldo’s puberty busted him wide open (Good sign, less waiting around that I half to do for him to age up)39And then he instantly ran away at four in the morning.  Then again he lives with four ghosts and a baby I can’t blame him.40Hope spent the remainder of the morning working on gardening and magic wants and DON’T THINK I DON’T SEE YOU BACK THERE JUSTICE, STILL BURNING TO CINDERS ON THAT FUCKING TABLE, I DON’T EVEN CONTROL YOU ANYMORE WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS

Justice: “YOU DON’T SEE ME”41She actually ran all the way up to the house just to yell at Hysteria for being evil.

Justice: “After all this time, I thought family love and understanding would change you.  But you’re still just as mean to your kids and spouse as you ever were!”

Hysteria: “Do you REALLY think I have to stand here and listen to a half baked old woman in my bedroom?  I really don’t care.”42Hope: “Wicked please, I want us to be friends again.  I am sorry we broke up, but you and I knew it wasn’t meant to be.  Please find it in your heart to forgive me so we can move forward with our lives.”43Wicked: “Fineee.  I’m over it.  After some soul searching (and adult web searching) I realized I can live without you, so it’s all cool.”

Hope: “GREAT!  Now let’s go on a group outing!  I can’t stand being stuffed up in this house.”44The outing was to consist of all the teens and Dee Dee, because Hope wants to be friends with her too.  But most of the kids had better things to do.  Like Rage straight up fucking dying for a minute in order to attack the peashooter.

Rage: “Zombie want graaaaaaaains”

Peashooter: “I’m just happy someone wants to play with me :)”45You enjoying the coal pit, Grace?

Grace: “MY TOES MELTED OFF”

No honey, that’s just your sims 1 inherited feet that you got from your grandfather.  Nothing to be alarmed about.46The family went to the consignment store just because I can’t remember the last time I actually went to one.  This one I amped up and added more items in because the old consignment store just didn’t feel “jumbled” or full like most actual stores I’ve been in.  They were so empty.  Now THIS is a store that’s packed with all kinds of useless trinkets a sim could want.47Inside isn’t as packed as the outside, but I still needed them to be able to maneuver through the building.  It still looks like it smells like a Goodwill in here so it works out.48Hope: “Huh.  Well I guess even Thanos has to pay his rent somehow.”49Hope: “Doesn’t matter how nice this place has been souped up, doesn’t change the fact that no one has worked at any of these since 2016.”

I guess the payroll budget went into the decor.  50Grace: “So I slipped and cooked my whole leg off in the coal pit.  Do you think you guys could make me an ice pack to put on my injury?”

Hetal: “Grace please.  We are eating.  And we don’t really give a shit.”51Hysteria: “Also can’t you see I’m eating some REALLY HOT AND SPICY SOUP, WOWWOWOW”

Hetal: “Well it took you more than a second to even realize that.”

Grace: “That’s why I’m eating the safer, and very overcooked, waffles.”52Honestly I wish I knew why they have to kick out the underside of the sink every time they get some hot and sour soup.  It seems like an animation that should happen at the table, so why wait til they wash their bowls at the sink to realize this?

Hysteria: “IT GIVES ME SOMETHING TO DESTROY IN MY PAIN, SHUT UP”53You know you’re something special when you’re only a millimeter away from being able to touch your bottom lip to your nose.

Hysteria: “I smell the soup”54Hope: “So I got a job at the science facility, mom, and to thank you for being there for me and supporting me all the way my whole life, I got you a present.”

Dee Dee: “If it’s the fish you caught earlier, I will treasure him in my pockets for the rest of my life.”

Hope: “Um, not really but I’ll remember that for future reference.”55So the girls had already left the consignment shop, I didn’t realize that Wicked didn’t follow them and ended up getting caught by the no-fun police.

Warren: “I am also a good traited person, so all I’m going to do is take you home, and drop you off safely, I won’t even tell your parents, how about that?”

Wicked: “Good trait or not it’s not enough to make you an interesting person now is it you pig”56Wicked: “YOU CAN’T STRANGLE ME IF I DON’T HAVE A NECK”

Hysteria: “I revoke any love I ever felt for you, what little I ever had.”awwTime to end this chapter, if not for any other reason other than it taking me over five days to get feeling good enough to write it.  This pollen season is actually killing me.  Ending it with Reynaldo’s parents preparing to get a divorce, so I guess now he may have a reason to run away after all.

Desperation for Happiness

1Hetal: “ZOOMADAWAH”

I’m pretty sure last chapter Dee Dee and Hysteria got old.  All the adults went on vacation and the kids just did domestic needs activities, the full two days they were gone.  All the other local teens were disappointed in the teen party that never was.2On a side note, I know this is just gnomes doing their usual thing, but it looks like everyone is attending that guys funeral and his spirit has returned to everyone’s horror and surprise.

Except for the Easter gnome in the back, he’s just having a grand old time watching the drama.3In the house Hysteria came back to remember that there is still a potions table at the house and decided to wedge herself into it for a few hours.4Grace is meanwhile in the backyard, doing flips in the frozen snow and checking to make sure she still has all her coochie every fifteen seconds.

Peashooter: “The first time she tried that she kneed herself in the head so hard that now she forgets that she has done so every fifteen seconds, and therefore has to keep checking :\”

Nah dude I’m pretty sure she would have done that anyway.5Her older sister Hope has begun to slip into uselessness in her last few days of uncontrolled freedom.  She spends every fucking second beating the shit out of Frenchie in the hopes that Frenchie will get the hint and stop asking her to pillow fight with her every fifteen seconds as well.

Justice: “I’m running out of pillows because of that naughty child >;(“6Angry: “Speaking of pillow fights, GET YOUR ASS UP AND BRAWL WITH ME WICKED”

Wicked with sweat on his brow and tears in his eyes: “P-please I just got rid of my D, I just want mama to not get the whip out every time I come home from school…”

Rage: “And I just want to watch my third rate Peruvian novelas without this green filter-making plumbob that you’re not supposed to have over your head anyway but not all of us can have what we want.”7Wicked: “Oh thank God, Grace!  You saved me!  Please, talk to me about literally ANYTHING, Angry Cat was about to whip out the memory foam pillows!  Those things fuckin’ hit about as hard as bricks!”

Grace: “Do I even ask what this “angry cat” is?”

Rage: “I think it was one of those weird dolls that was government issued to us as kids, if I’m not wrong. If I’m remembering correctly you and I had one as well, Grace!  I think you had one named Snowball and wasn’t mine, like, Tub Thumper or something?”8Oh goodie Hope.  You’re still up here.  Where else would you be.

Hope: “Please Frenchie!  This is madness!  All my moodlets I worked so hard for shouldn’t be going down like this now that my family is back just because you want to marathon a pillow fight!”

Frenchie: “No bitch, this isn’t a fight anymore, this is a WAR.  You want the taste of a REAL revolution, well the FRENCH GONNA GIVE IT TO YA

Please, Hope’s got school in the morning.9Justice: “I am here to get you to stop and literally do anything else besides tear up our bedding, Hope.”

Hope: *Actually loses a tooth*10Justice: “I swear if you don’t actually go to bed for once like I told you to, I’m going to do something rash and punish you with actual chores and no tv for a week.”

Hope: “I don’t even watch tv, Rage has it programmed to just play Pobre Diabla and Amor de Madre on an eternal loop.”

Justice: “Well I’ll think of something!”11All the family is just doing just fine.  Then you have this dumb bitch doing what she does best.  Honestly I can’t even remember how I even found her this time.  12Hysteria: “I rescue her just in the nick of time and what does she do to thank me?  She pisses herself right in front of the toilet like she ain’t got no common sense.  This is not my wife.  Where’s a sledgehammer?”

You’re doing so great with my still very non-existent scoring, Hetal.  And I was working so hard to keep that from getting any worse.13Meanwhile in the two seconds I was gone to get Hetal unthawed, Justice has been fried.  Again.

Naughty cooked sims get put in the naughty ball for punishment.

Justice: “GRANDPA HELP”

Happiness: “Sleep”14Hetal: “Duh nuh… duh nuh… duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh DUH NUH”

Dee Dee: “You know I can see you.  I literally watched you “sneak” from the garage to me, it’s… not exactly your best attempt.”15Hetal: “BWAAAHAHA, IT’S me.”

Dee Dee: “Sigh, yes, Hetal.  You are very scary.  Very spooky indeed.  Your feeble attempt to scare me has prevailed I guess.”16Hetal: “You stupid cow I wasn’t trying to scare you, I using my diabolical magic to change that hideous outerwear you had going on to something less embarassing to be seen in public with you in.  You better consider it the nicest thing I have ever done for you and be grateful.  Heathen.”

Dee Dee: “You did WHAT?  YOU DID WHAT?!”17Dee Dee: “To think!  You had to undress me to dress me in this!  You… you saw me naked!  That is so unpure… so tainted… I only wished for my wife to see me in my most natural form… to think another has gazed upon my flesh, even for a task as well meaning as yours… I feel so unclean…”

Hetal: “……………..tramboleen tiem.”18Happiness: “So baby… people say I’m just a one hit wonder, but I swear it isn’t true, because I know how to hit it all night if you know what I’m sayin”

Oh God please, can you NOT HAPPINESS19Hetal: “UGH, disgusting little sparkle man, can you see I’m a married woman, with whom in quite literally only twenty yards away from us and could literally beat the shit out of both of us even if I already didn’t find you so utterly repulsive?!  Be GONE with you!”

Happiness: “What??  Please, I haven’t known the touch of a delicate woman in over 70 years!  I’m so desperate!”

Hetal: “Yes you are!  Clearly!”

Pardon the intrusion on your darling conversation, but who the hell is that20Excuse me??  Who in the FUCK are you and why do you unfamiliar ghosts keep wandering into my YARD21Leonard: “Hey baby, wanna get with a REAL man”

Hetal: “Is it Hit-on-married-women-and-get-shitslapped-by-them-and-their-wives Day or something because I didn’t get that memo…”

Happiness: “OH you’ll let an dead old guy get some smoochin’ but you don’t want it from my retired pop star self I SEE HOW IT IS”22Somehow Leonard and Hetal had a brilliant idea to play on the trampoline together for a few hours and Happiness went to cry in the basement about being so wimpy or whatever.23Hope: “Oh god, I just got home and I already sense it… I already sense the PRESENCE”

Frenchie: “Better get lubed up and prepare to bite the pillow because YOU’RE GONNA BE BITING IT”

Rage: “No really, what was that doll’s name… Teletubby?  Tom Brady?  Only thing I remember about a doll was using it to fend of a badger when I was living under the porch as a toddler.”24Grace: “Great, now I’M sensing a presence here… Jesus, is that you?  I didn’t try to feed the goldfish bacon again, I swear…”

Leonard?  Why are you STILL on this lot, you were not invited in the house!25Leonard: “But I came to tell you that my beloved Cruelty… she’s gone!  She finally left this world and left me all broken hearted (though when I think about it clearly, she’s really closer to me now that she’s on the Other Side, so why am I really all that sad)”

Grace: “Don’t know them so does it matter?  Can you knock or just not come in at all?  So rude.”26Leonard: “Oh my darling…  I have now informed your family of your death just as you wished, they don’t give a damn or even know you, but I hope you rest in peace from this…”

Hetal: *Just trying to beat the shit out of the air to make the little swish sound*27Hysteria: “Knowing I still have a hot rocking bod at this age has opened my eyes to a whole new wardrobe, and as soon as Hetal bites the bullet I’m following my grandmother’s legacy and becoming a gold digger instead.”

Happiness: “I mean, I HAVE money but I don’t know if I’m THAT desperate…”

Hope: “I have gone deaf long enough to ignore both of you.”28Really Rage.  I find you hiding away in the basement like this?  What got YOU cooked up all of a sudden?!

Rage: “Whatever it is, aren’t you at least grateful you don’t lose points from this happining?  Please say you are :(”

I’m really just concerned at this point for you teens.29At least I know how YOU got fried, Justice FOR THE EIGHTEENTH THOUSANDTH TIME

Justice: “I love the smell of fried chicken and chemicals at least :)”30Leonard: “My love… I think I have found you… and now, we shall never be apart…”

Yeah yeah, if you don’t actually part from here, someone will be joining a ghost hunter career very shortly and there’s gonna be a whole different Cruelty where you’ll end up…31Speaking of really stupid ghosts.  Hello Alex.  Been a while.

Alex: “I HAVE COME FORTH THROUGH THE CALL OF THE MOON!!!  AWWOOOOO!! AND THE SMELL OF chicken nuggets in your fridge please I’m so hungy”

Hetal: “I already ate them bitch, bye”

Dee Dee: “A g-g-ghost werewolf?!?!”32Hetal: “Oh wow you killed her.  Too bad you can’t kill me.  I couldn’t give less of a shit over some purple dead werewolf who wouldn’t been in this situation had you washed the fucking clothes right.”

Alex: “W….what?!”33Alex: “AAH, T-they… ATE THE LAST OF THE NUGGETS…”

My guess is she’s really passing out because she’s scared of ghosts, or maybe even witches, considering the only ghost currently here is herself (Leonard finally fucked off), but as soon as she “passed out” she vanished into thin air, so I have no idea what that was all about at all.  34Anyway,  I’m glad the game told me that Justice’s old work partner has become top gun now that Justice isn’t there to hold her back apparently.  Of course all that did was encourage Justice to want to return to work and we all know how well that’s going to go in the first place.35How does that feel, Justice?  Knowing your heirship is back up and you’re coming back into your LTW at just level 2.  Do you feel successful?  Do you feel like you’ve done a lot of good working in your community?

Justice: “Way to beat a woman down when she’s already fried to a crisp…”36Hey Hope, you still doing nothing but playing pillow fights with your fucking IF?  In the rain?  At 5am?  That’s expected.

Hope: “Why can’t anyone let me live my life, jeez”

Personally I’m more invested at figuring out what making all those stink lines across the street from here.  Do I even want to know?37Oh GOD.  The leaves from when the girls cleaned the yard are still here!  Betel, I thought you were cleaning all this up!  This yard is still a HELL PILE38GOD THERE’S SO MUCH STINK THERE ARE RODENTS EVERYWHERE39PLEASE BETEL I DEPENDED ON YOU, WHY HAVE YOU LET ME DOWN

Betel: *Isn’t even here, has apparently run off to the Bahamas or something*40Hysteria: “I can’t believe that dumbass Happiness let this place go to waste, and when that skeleton gets back here I’m throwing her in a tub of lye!  How dare they ruin my retirement home I’ve worked so hard my whole life to get to!  This place doesn’t deserve this mess!”41Hysteria: “Ah well.  It’s all the sidewalk’s problem now.”

Great.  Now it will never go away probably.42No really, there are rodents everywhere.  I know they are squirrels and chipmunks but really there’s no need for this high of a concentration of them…43Hysteria: “Please remind me when all this is said and done to kick my mother’s urn over as punishment for allowing this house to get into this condition.  I know she’s been dead for a while now but she still contributed to a lot of this mess.”

I forgot she was even here.  I tried to move her to the grave plot by the end of the day, but she pulled the same shit Peace did on me and her tombstone vanished and I had to reset, so I’ll get her set up right eventually.44Also I don’t think this is coincidence, but after Hysteria cleaned up all the massive moldy piles of leaves in the yard, a whole lot of cockroaches spawned in their place.  Kinda icky, but I am fasincated.

Hysteria: “And I am getting the Raid, not just for them, but for the fuckhead vampire that let this house go to this!”45I have a hinting suspicion that the vampire doesn’t care.

Happiness: “I got money”

Lorie: “You’re daddy material then”

CAN YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR CHRIST’S SAKE HAPPINESS46Would like to point out, all the kids are doing really well about doing their homework on their own (except Hope, no real shocker on why there) but both Wicked and Rage take the full time doing their homework.  All Grace does is sit down for literal two seconds and she finishes it beginning to end right there.

Wicked: “Uncle Happiness, can you tell Grace to not cheat on her homework again?  Thank you.”

Happiness: “No can do, there’s upskirt shots the new maid promised me and those aren’t going to take themselves”

Grace: “Alrighty, time to get this spread sheet done for math… G… R… A… C… E…”47Grace: “And done!  Alrighty, if anyone needs me I’m on the trampoline!”

Wicked: “This is why I actually don’t like you, Grace.”48Sabrina: “You know why I’m here you lazy and stupid loser.  And no, your birthday party was not important enough to me for me to actually put on real pants.”49Sabrina: “Also, the offer is still open to your grandpa to bend me over a table if he wants to.  You know.  Just throwing it out there.”

I’m begging me to not be so horny over this idiot for fucking once, please.50Hope: “I see Sabrina is right though.  It is my birthday!  My long awaited destiny is finally here.”51Hope: “Also I see Tenisha is here as well.  How’s our cousin Carmen.  I see you aren’t pregnant yet so I’m kinda shocked.”

I’m more concerned about that outfit. Rave up top and business meeting on the bottom.52I fixed it and finally fixed her cursed makeup and, to be honest, Tenisha really did turn to be pretty.  I know Agony is so happy to see her curse will not carry on.  She was also invited but she’s too busy sobbing her tears of happiness of her daughter’s success to show up tonight I suppose.53Hope: “And as it stands, the only person who actually even CARES about my birthday is my great grandfather, so without further ado, my birthday wish is a wish that I stood at the “front” side of this table, instead of preparing to be stabbed in the eyes by this decorative candle!”

Happiness: “Only reason I’m out here is to pout about the maid not wanting my “microphone” after all, if you know what I mean ;^; took our $125 and walked out without so much as a bye to me…”54Happiness: “Oh snap, it’s your birthday!!  HAH!  Good luck with that!”

Hope: “Thanks gramps, that’s reassuring.”

And here is my VERY CUTE, good, and very green heiress of gen 5, Hope Fallen.55In game pic doesn’t do her justice.  She is REALLY cute, and as much as I love Grace, I will never have qualms about her being heiress.

Her traits, starting with her newest, are vegetarian, good and rebellious, and she’s a perceptive party animal.  Her LTW came pre-locked before her adult stage, but honestly I do not remember choosing it, because if I did, I would not have chosen robot-creature crossbreeder as her LTW.  I find it so boring.57Gonna end here, on that note.  Have sweet dreams tonight, Hope.  Because tomorrow you start your life of grinding and forced interactions with literally anyone other than Frenchie.

Hope: “Zzz, no, you guys can’t control me, no one can hold me back and tell me what to do…”

Trust me when I say this, Hope:

f1df9e860b8ac503c3bd521e6912e3c2

Getting Away From The House

Well my job officially closed down for two weeks (thanks Coronavirus you slut, I WILL see you in hell) and since I can’t really work from home, I’m probably going to have a lot of time on my hands.  At least 14 days.  God I hope not more.

So I’m going to attempt to put a dent in some simming, get some chapters published, so I hope to at least give all my fellow quarantiners something to read or look at while we are all stuck in this situation.  I have to be productive somewhere.  I get depressed when I’m not productive in some way. 1It’s time for the family’s weekly stroll in town, just to ironically get out and leave that stuffy house and refresh all their stats in the MM.  Hope they enjoy bawking on that sidewalk the whole time because it doesn’t look like anyone gives a damn to move.2To be fair I took them to the local Moonlight Museum, which looks about as museum-y as a large bathroom.  So much variety, who knew this town had so much… air.

Alice: “I was going to make this place my wedding venue but looks like the wedding didn’t make it :(”

They may be quarantining too, Alice, you hoe.3Ok nevermind, the museum is toilet.  The family got sent to the farthest lot I could find on the map for funsies, though I didn’t think it was going to turn into a marathon race through a blizzard.4Wicked: “Not sure how I got first place since my mom had a fifteen minute head start by the looks of things but I tagged the building first.  I’m the winner, tag the building to get your reward for winning second, Alice!  The reward is a snowball down your shirt.”

Alice: “How I got roped up in your family’s nonsense is unreal!  I could be getting married in that bland oatmeal bowl of a museum by now if you guys hadn’t shown up!”5Last in the line of racers is unfortunately newly aged Justice, getting dragged behind by her cane and, horrifyingly, looking like she’s getting lost in the blizzard.  Please don’t freeze out there, Justice, I know the MM boosted you up, but you are crawling6Wicked: “Now that we are all here, we should go inside, make drinks, swap stories, all kinds of whatever cozy cabin shit people do in this kind of sweater weather.”

Grace: “Yeah, but I feel like we’re forgetting someone.  Someone old.  Someone that probably would prefer to retire in a rocker, and yelling at kids on their lawn.  Is it Hetal?”

Hetal: “I want to filay you.”7Justice, PLEASE.  You are legit concerning me.  Do you need me to send someone back?  Send out the rescue squad?  Are you even still on the same path anymore?!8Justice: “It’s ok!  I see the cottage.  And I see my whole family waited for me, they are so kind and precious to me.”9Well, not everyone, Justice.  Hysteria really didn’t bother to wait to lose her pants apparently.

Hysteria: “Not going to stand out in that freezing blizzard waiting for some old bitch who should have stayed at home instead of going on a hike in this shit.  Gonna get my tequila on, yo”

Whoever the fuck: *Boo hooing over poor dead stupid Jan*10Grace: “Well, since we are underaged and cannot legally get our tequila on, would you like to stand around and stare into the nothingness for the next five hours until one of us gets sleepy and goes home?”

Rage: “You’re lucky you’re so cute, Grace, because otherwise you would have been left in the wilderness as a baby to die.”

Grace: “That’s silly, you were left in the wild and you didn’t die!”

Rage: “I wish I did.”11Hysteria: “Alright, time for some pants.  This place clearly doesn’t have a heater anyway.  If I don’t keep my boobies at an adequate room temperature they will literally fall off.  The plastic surgery was really not that good.”

Hetal: “You mean this is NOT a lingerie party?!”12Hetal: “I’ve already been humiliated today, at LEAST let me take my frustration out on this little skank, won’t you?!”

Hope: “Oh thank GOD you got stuck on an imaginary hang up and can’t “reach me” because WHY”

Do you HAVE to try to beat up Hope in front of the whole family, Hetal?13Don’t think they are fond of the idea in the first place.

Dee Dee: “Touch her and I’ll tear your nose off, Hetal.  Just a reminder.”

Wicked: “Yeah mom, and I’ll help Dee Dee do it.  I swear you’re just ten kinds of disgusting.”14Dee Dee: “I knew you were a good kid, Wicked, but you’re just all kinds of sweet to help me threaten your mother.”

Wicked: “That’s so great to hear!  Hearing that from my future in-law, I’l honored to do everything in my power to help the mother of my love.”

Dee Dee: “Alright now that’s a bit much.”15Rage: “I want to find love one day too!  I think I’m going to craft a spell that’s going to bring all kinds of hot ass to me, just watch!”16And then I think he summoned his undead grandma.

Jin: “Why couldn’t I have died in a coat”17Justice: “You’ll have to work a lot harder to impress us into accepting you as an in-law, Wicked.  We are the household’s power couple, and there’s no way you are going to be able to top us as the best couple in the house.”

Dee Dee: “Ignore her, Wicked, she’s horny.  And she talks all kinds of weird romanticesque shuff when she’s this way.”18Justice: “Pinch pinch.  Yeah girl, you still got it!”

Wicked: “uh”19And then with that, surprise!  It’s also Dee Dee’s birthday, which even without a cake, she’s surrounded by family in a warm winter cabin, so I think she’s happy to grow up.20Dee Dee: “YAAAAAY where’s Agony”

Justice: “Hetal put some dang pants on, you got too much cootchie hanging out in front of the kids”

Hetal: “Eat ass. WOO”21Justice: “YEAH, lil mama!  Foxy fine at 79!”

Dee Dee: “Yes, Justice, we are a matching set again.  I’m so glad to have you’re heart and support even after all these years.”

Wicked: “Only I can aspire to have that kind of devotion to each other when I marry your daughter one day!”

Rage: “Dude give it a break, you know if you touch Hope again they really will turn you in to a mole.”22And after Dee Dee’s birthday, Hysteria also unveiled that it is ALSO her birthday!  She grew up with no cake, no family, and on a cold snowy sidewalk while on her cigarette break at work.  She’s not happy to grow up either way.

Hysteria: “Like fuck I am.”23Hysteria: “AUGH, WHO’S BRILLIANT IDEA WAS IT TO PROGRAM US INTO GETTING OLD”

Whoever it was, don’t let them distract you into going back to work before you lose your recent promotion already.24Hetal: “Now that that is all said and done, fucking head lock time little bitch.”

Rage: “Mom, that’s ENOUGH.  Dee Dee and Justice may not act like they are paying attention but I guarantee the second you mess with her they are going to straight up kill you.”255.3 seconds later they were fucking in the shower.

Rage: “Oh.  Never mind then.”

Hope: “I’M JUST GOING TO GO HOME NOW.”

Wicked: “My mother is just so damn toxic.”26Rage: “You’re a damn disgrace to all women, mom!  I’m fucking ashamed to even be associated with you!”

Wicked: “I disown you!  You aren’t even my mother anymore as far as I care!!”

Grace: “Now that’s something when both your children actually hate you that much…”

Hetal: “God, y’all think I give a flying shit”27While following Hope home, I ran into Dianna, who I see has aged up.  You’re looking so good, girl!

Dianna: “Thank you!  I try to take that to heart every day, granted what I have to go home to and look at in regards to my parents.”28UGH, Toaster how’s it going man?

Toaster: “You know exactly how the hell it is going.  I’m miserable.”

Well that means things are just normal I suppose.29Trying again for home, and Phillip notifies us that he is currently dating Jennie, a distant cousin mutant so it’s back into the family with those genes I suppose.

Jennie: “No one else at school wants to date someone who’s face can double as a wind turbine but he IS the football team’s best blocker so that’s pretty damn hot for me.” 30Happiness: “Oh!  Hello my son!”

Peace: “Dad.  There is something very urgent I must tell you, from beyond the grave.  I need you to follow me.  I need to show you something…”31Peace: “It’s your gnome, he’s stuck on a boulder.  I tried dislodging him by throwing rocks at him and asking him very politely but he keeps giving me the bird and telling me he’s slept with my mother :(”

Happiness: “Oh don’t worry about him and ignore what he says.  You know as well as I do that your mother couldn’t even sleep alone in her own bed, much less me, much less anyone else.”32Grace: “Now that we are back at the house, I feel we are missing someone important.  Someone old, someone that needs to sit in their retirement chair and yell at kids-”

Hetal: “Say me one more time and I’ll turn your eyeballs into salt and pepper shakers.”

Hysteria: “She was talking about me you dingbat, I’m back home now.”33And then BAM, free vacation.

Hysteria: “Well, later you little tater thots.  My plane trip will be listed as essential, as in, I’m essentially getting away from you little shits for a while.”

Hope: “Actually it’ll be a relief to be Hetal free for a couple days, bye then.”34Grace: “Mommy no!  We have a crisis going on, you guys can’t go on vacation right now!  The problem is… we currently have a dead sim in our basement!

Wicked: “Just let them go already, Grace.  It’s only for the weekend!  We will be fine!”35Currently: Not fine.

Hope: *Spills fucking oil all over the floor*

Rage: “Bed too far away!  Table too hard to navigate!  Sleep imminent!”36In the end, the kids actually spent most of the first day (and most of their second) just sleeping and catching up on needs, like good kids for once.  Rage found his bed after all and soon the other kids followed suit.37Welllll, most of them.

Grace: “~Mommy come back~~~ You can blame it all~on~me~”38Oh I do, I DO blame it all on you Grace.39At first I thought this was just Peace rummaging around in the backyard and largely ignored him.  While I was looking at some other stuff and noticed he had been playing this game all day and almost all night again, I realized it wasn’t even him.  Who are you and why are you on my property marathoning this stupid game?!40Wicked: “I’m practicing for a spell that will force Dee Dee and Justice to accept me as their daughter’s future husband, so when they come home from their vacation, I’ll lay it on them and they will have no choice but to give me their blessing.”

Angry Cat: “I’ll be honest, that’s about as evil as I think you’re ever going to get.  Your parents will probably be proud of you.”41Diddlying around, I thought this was Mephistopheles sleeping in the front yard, but then I realized he’s not…  this cat isn’t even pet-ghost colored, he’s white instead of red like he should be!

Mochi: “That’s because I’m not a ghost, I’m a pile of snow!  Don’t look at me, I’m perfectly camouflaged…”42Who ARE you weird ghosts?!???43Hope: “Please!  I just wanted to make some cheap ramen noodles!”

Grace: “Do you want me to order a pizza because I can get us not killed if you’d like.”44Grace: “Oh fish!  Did you just ACTUALLY successfully clean off that dirty grill?!”

Hope: “Uh, yeah?  Someone had to, it almost got me roasted and toasted, and it smelled like 3 year old sewage.”

Grace: “You have my upmost respect.  Now I see why the universe chose you as our future leader and heiress.”

Yeah, being just a little more cleaner than the rest of you is totally why I chose her.45Anyway, I looked in MC at the town’s current sims that have Good/Evil traits, for future spouse ideas (realized this a little while ago and it makes my life so much easier).  We currently have 21 good sims and 11 evil ones, and while most of the evil ones aren’t really all that appealing, the good ones have some real gems going on.

Like this HAMMERHEAD FUCKING SHARK46This is Tiffanie, Tyrone’s latest that I forgot he even had and OH GOD

OH GOD47Jesus Tiffanie you can pop a bottlecap off with your lip alone

Tiffanie: “Can’t everybody?”48I know I always felt like Tyrone was really close to his mother in looks and Phillip was also pretty similar but Tiffanie has proven that those genes can get twisted even harder than I thought they could by proving to be a whole ass Kaiju.49Tiffanie: “I yearn for death.”

This guy: “Get in line then I asked first”50MEANWHILE back in Normaltownville, this household has a good baby fairy that might be interesting in the future.  He’s still got some growing to do, but he might be able to catch up in time.

And his mother here is evil!  And so far, she’s the only evil sim that I seem interested in, as the others are related to us (Carmen) or the rest are face one townies, and honestly, her genes look liked they’d be fun.  She’s pushing old age though, so I don’t know if I’d make it with that one…51Oh hey Cruelty!  You’re still alive!

Cruelty: “I WISH I WASN’T!”

Well it looks like you haven’t left this yard since day one so maybe your wish will be coming true soon 🙂52Well, the parentless weekend came to an end, the kids for the most part were on their best behavior, focused on their needs, and gave me no qualms.  All good kids.

I am disappointed in you “evil” ones.

Rage: “You should be GRATEFUL I even put my pants on for the school bus this time.”53Hope: “Oh Wicked.  Soon, our parents will be home, and we can no longer have unsolicited eye contact with each other.  Oh how I will miss being able to look at your eyelids without mother swatting at me with a broom and screaming about incest.  I do still have feelings for you.”

Wicked: “Maybe one day my darling.  For now, we have to get back into the habit of staring straight ahead and pretending we can’t see each other.”

If you two don’t kill that romantic interest relationship status I’m going to put one of you in the basement swimming pool.54Justice: “Alright now you guys remember what we said before leaving the hotel right?  What stays in Vegas happens in Vegas, correct?”

Hysteria: “You dumb cow I already posted those photos on every social site that you got.  Your reputation is all but destroyed, so you might as well accept that.”

Justice: “Agony how could you”55And lastly, Carmen and Tenisha began the lovely age old tradition of cousin marrying in this family.

Ding-Dong-Ditch Dummies

The end of last chapter left Hysteria and Hetal on their anniversary date waiting for the river to freeze up enough to skate on it.  Spoiler alert, the river doesn’t freeze by the time their anniversary ends :\1Hysteria: “Well if I don’t get to play on it, I want to play IN it!  Get me a hammer, I’m going for a dip!”

Does that ice LOOK like you can just go paddling in the water, Hysteria?  Besides this is a river, you’re blocks away from the ocean anyway…2Hetal: “You know, if I keep making these apples, we can sell them, and the money we get could actually pay off one nice Red Lobster dinner, if you want to redeem this horrid idea you call a date.”

Hysteria: “Better idea.  You make apples, I take the money and buy more recipes to fuel my desire to learn.  Something good has to come out of this anniversary and it’s not going to be you.”

Compared to Justice’s and Dee Dee’s date, this one was a total failure.  I am not surprised.3Back at the house, I am trying to kill Jan off because she’s useless as a bag of wet ass.

Jan: “AAAAGHHHHH??! ARAGNWIOGN? ATJWIEOAHJDLASKAFFFFF!!”

I want her to drown, be done with it quick, but she’s proven stupid.  Overwatch keeps rescuing her so I added her as a “roommate” and locked her in, but she won’t move from that platform, which I can’t delete for bug reasons.  I even opened the room up, trying to “entice” her to make a run for it, but she won’t do it.  Wouldn’t be surprised if she starves first.4Dee Dee: “Ok stand still and just trust me on this.  Don’t want you to jump and I miss and hit the chair.  What good does a lucky chair do anyone?”

Justice: “Y-you think this will actually help me get the promotion?!”

Dee Dee: “Of course it will!  I practiced night and day for you for this, you’re going to be top rank before you know it!”5Dee Dee: “Oh shirt, that’s the “murdering rainbows” spell, not the luck spell.  Hm.  Should have read the book closer.”

Justice: *Sinuses sliced through by sharp greens and blues*6ARE YOU FUCKING DEAD IN HERE YET, JAN

Jan: “Glub glub.  Glub. :)”

Die die die die die die die die die die die die 7I actually was curious about the bat that lives under the trampoline and looked to see if it was still there.  It is.  He’s still there, enjoying his life eternal I suppose.

Dee Dee: *Busts up them fuckin kneecaps, good luck walking after that*8Hetal: “Ok I’m tired of dealing with this dumb lizard.  All it does is talk about the compositions of different minerals and its love of autotuned songs is obnoxious.  Having a dragon minion isn’t worth this.”

Ramiel: “I’m In LoVe WiD a StRiPpEr”9Hetal: “Take your nasty lizard back.  It’s pointlessly nice and I got better things to do than actually care for the needs of anything really.”

Hope: “Oh!  Wow, thanks Hetal!  You’re nice after all!”

Hetal: “You really trying me aren’t you…”10Hope: “Oh flip, I only went to get dressed for a couple of minutes, I didn’t know Sim Christmas was today…”

Frenchie: “WHAT DID EVERYONE TELL YOU LAST TIME, JIN?!  YOU AREN’T WELCOME HERE.”

Hope: “Don’t bother, Frenchie.  She can’t hear you.”

Jin: “I can hear you :(“11Carmen: “Since my psychiatrist put me on my medicine I stopped being so blood thirsty and this time I have concocted a tasty dinner for this family get-together!  It’s hay, flavored with parmesan.  Picked it fresh this morning.”

Justice: “Maybe this chair needed the luck spell more than I did after all.”12Considering the dragons in my game were all T-posing for the last year or so, I don’t think I ever knew Ramiel spits out mini plumbobs when idle on the ground.  It’s just cool and thought I’d point it out.13Happiness: “Merry Christmas to all and yadda yadda, time to see what I got this year!”

Tenisha: “No.”

Happiness: “What, WHY ARE YOU STOPPING ME, EXCUSE??”

Ramiel: *El Plumbob of floor idle*14Justice: “Oh wow!  I finally figured out how to use the chair.  Hello family.  Are we having a good party yet?”

Agony: “We would if Jin would FUCK OFF”

Jin: “You still like me right Justice”15Tenisha: “What part of hospitality don’t you understand.  It’s so rude to go before your guests!  Ugh, this guy.”

Agony: “HAH, get TOLD off by my daughter, you dingus!”

Malcolm: “Haha I like to join things!”

Happiness: “Why are you guys laughing at ME, Jin’s the one still in the room…” *pout*16Happiness: “OH, we’re getting a new maid today!  Mmmm!” *Instantly no longer pouting*

Don’t even think about it, for fuck’s SAKE Happiness I want a functioning maid for once.17Justice: “Well is anyone going to open presents or chit chat all day?”

Happiness: “How can we, the CHAIR IS IN THE WAY”

Jin: “WHO INVENTED CHAIRS ALL THEY DO IS RUIN MY LIFE”

Agony: “PLEASE, THE CHAIR OFFENDS ME”

Nadine: “What are you guys talking about?  How is this chair over here getting you all confused?”18Nadine: “Oh it is a comfy chair!  I don’t know what you guys are even having an issue with!”

So tired of these LAZY ASS HOES

Justice: “CHANGE OF TOPIC, OPEN PRESENTS NOW”19Justice: “I’m so happy all our family and friends and the lazy maid of the week can join us in our home.  We have so much to be thankful for, our health, heart and harmony-”

Rage: “Yeah yeah yeah THANKS for this Ikea box full of melted skittles, you shouldn’t have.”

Grace: “I had that SPECIAL ordered from Sweden itself, Rage!  Do you know how hard it is to get melted Skittles in that particular state?”20Hope: “Oh!  Wow.  Thanks, Grace.  I’ll um, treasure it forever.”

Grace: “His name is SIMON and you BETTER take care of him.”21Nadine: “My turn!  I know you guys only have known me for like a few minutes, so I’ll just take this one labeled “Dee Dee”, it’s closest to my name and I’m sure she won’t mind.”

Hope: “Huh?”

Dee Dee: “That’s ok, I planned on being frozen to the floor the whole time anyway…”22Hope: “Hey, when you guys plan on killing this one, give her a nice fun creative death for me for this, why don’t you?”

Justice: “Gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.”

Hetal: “So glad I see that I’ve beaten some sense into you.”23Rage: “Oh.  That look on grandma’s face… I see she’s already been disappointed.  I know no one likes her but she doesn’t deserve to get stuck with the coal this year…”24Rage: “Oh Grandma.  I’m sorry you are treated this way.  When I grow up and take the reigns of this house, I’ll make sure you’re treated better by all of us, and you won’t be bullied anymore at our parties…”25Jin: “THAT WAS A FAN FUCKING TASTIC PARTY YALL, HAD A BLAST, YEET”

Rage: “What”

Jin didn’t get the coal, she got a gnome so really she has nothing to be pouty and pissy about. 26.126.226.3AnYwAy, compared to last year, if you recall, Hysteria was gifted like half a dozen guitars, this year she only got one because the party took proper turns giving presents this time and everyone only got one, but not only that, both her son’s got guitars too.

Hysteria: “Of which I will confiscate and continue using them to bash people in the heads with.”26Justice: “Now that that is over with, it is time, for my birthday.”

Sabrina: “God I’m getting old.”

Happiness: “Shut up Sabrina this is about my granddaughter not you, go home already.”27A nice family shot of the whole family in one place at the same time.  It’s a great way to see our heiress off into her new elderly state.

Ramiel: “PLUMBOB”28Cute old woman.  Looking good, Justice!

Justice: “Can you dial back the optimism for a second, I’m 73 years old in here”29Justice: “Anyway the cake is gluten free so Hetal you’re going to have to just eat Rage’s soggy skittles…. wait, who is at the door at this time of night?”30Tenisha: “Hey guys, just checking to see if I left my will to live here.  Didn’t think I did.  Alright, laters.”

Then she left before anyone could get to the door, so that was weird.31Justice: “Anyway, like I was saying, you know what gluten does to you Hetal, we already did a round of fixing all the toilets in the house once this morning…. awh, who is at the door this time?!”32Can I HELP you, Carmen?!

Carmen: “Can anyone really help me lol”33Justice: “Carmen, it’s almost 2 am.”

Carmen: “That’s right!  Ok, see ya!”

Justice: “What is wrong with the youth of this generation…”34Rebekah: “Aight laddies and lassies, now it’s MY turn to ding dong ditch, let me show you how it’s done”

Come ON, Carmen isn’t even across the street yet!35Rebekah: “You cannot catch me, I am very fast”

Justice: “Please, I just want a piece of my own birthday cake”36Rebekah: “SIKE, I’m coming back for round two!  You’ll never catch me, I’m the prank MASTER”

Justice: “Jesus?  Are you up there?  Am I in the pits of hell because I’d like to know what I did to deserve this”

Justice caught her on the second go around and invited her in (Because that’s what I’d do to a ding dong ditcher at 3 am /s) and Rebekah left and the wave of ditchers finally left the house alone.37Jealousy: “Mother why, why did you die, I never got your cannoli recipe”

Ok, that’s weird.38Back in the house, Justice decided it was time to retire.  Which of course means she won’t make her LTW, but to be honest she’s only on level 4 and she’s not improving.  Her relationship with her partner is horrendous and it seems to be holding her down the most.  Can’t get the bitch to talk to her in person or on the phone so enjoy whatever shitty pension they give you, Justice.39Hope: “Did you know if you use these stupid yeti signs to cut your cake, you save a knife that we don’t even have in this universe from having to be washed?  The more you know!”

Justice: “At least you’re not a D- student anymore.”40Bitch are you dead yet??  I see you figured out how to get out of whatever shit you were in earlier, so how about taking another dip in the water, hmm?

Look I’ll even reward you.  You’re tired?  Wouldn’t you like a nice sleeping bag to rest in?  Maybe even a snack before bed.  Here’s some birthday cake.  Go ahead.  It’s gluten free.41HAH, SUCKER

Now wait a few minutes while I put up the walls, can’t have you snaking your way out again, now can I?42Jan: “Oh fuck off, here, take my death and go.”

OH, so it was just that easy, huh?  Well thank you Jan.  I will miss you even less than Alex.43Death: “BITCH YOU KNEW YOU COULDN’T SWIM FROM THE BEGINNING”

Happiness: “I’m actually down here for my own reasons, I have no idea what’s going on”44Justice: “Oh goodness I’m so sad and distraught for no reason?  Must be the indigestion.  Gotta zap it out before I break a toilet or something.”

Jan: “Nuuuu please remember meeeeee”45Justice: “Now that’s over, time to show you how to volcano-ize an onion, Hope.  Ancient family secret that I picked up from a magazine last week!”

Hope: “Should you really be doing that right in the center of that caustic pile of sludge?”46Rage: “Too late, it instantly combusted.”

Justice: “NOOO!  I’M EASILY FLAMMABLE”47Justice: “Hope, soon you will be having your birthday, and you will be taking my spot as the leader of this household.  They will look to you.  It will be up to you to lead them righteously and justly.”

Hope: “Yes mother.”

Rage: “And when I get heirship, I will lead the family to the strip club every night!  It’s the real American dream.”48Rage: “TOO BAD MS. JAN DOESN’T WORK THERE ANYMORE SOB”

Hysteria: “Shut the FUCK up about her, she cost us $150 a day to do nothing but come in and twerk on Justice’s grandfather!”49Happiness: “Curse you claw machine!  You’ve made a powerful enemy today by denying me my bounty!  I know where you live!  And I know what outlet you’re plugged into!”

Speaking of the grandfather.50He did get a new gnome out of the claw machine though.  I’ll set him up right between Alex and Jan just to mock them.51Ending the chapter with our lovely Phillip, who has had his birthday!  Handsome man.  Generates his own solar power with the width of his earcheeks.52After having his birthday he got a normal teenage job as a private investigator!  With that face I don’t know how private he’s going to be getting.  But sims are pretty blind, after all someone married his father.  I think he’ll do fine.