To Remember What I Forgot

A whole year.  Exactly one week short of a whole year to be precise.  Am I going for some sort of hiatus record or something?  Who knows.  The past year has been full of crazy shit like hospitals and broken hearts, but the number one reason for the hiatus is of course the computer.  Drivers and all that shit, if you recall.  Maybe future hiatuses won’t be so long.

I KNOW I SAY THAT EVERY HIATUS I SWEAR I’M SORRY

1We left off on Justice getting her birthday, I remember that much.  Honestly that’s all I remember?  And I remember that it was the reason I realized something was wrong with the drivers in the first place.2Cute as a BUTTON, but naturally, as I do, I wanted to make her look even cuter and match her themes a little better.  Game decided that wasn’t such a good idea.  Every time I attempted to change her look in CAS, the game would shit out on me.  No matter what.  Sometimes instantly, sometimes right before I finish up on a wicked cool style.3*Greyed out fog of Deadgameitis*

Justice: “Please, don’t leave me in here like this”
4One year and one massive computer fix later, the game still decided that most of what I tried on her was JUST TOO MUCH, so her style is so much more simple than I wanted.  But at this point I just want to get over this shitty obstacle.

Game graphics, of course, don’t do her justice.

Peace: “You mean I waited a whole year for a tank top and shorts.  I could have been in bed all this time instead, it would be more beneficiary to me.”5Cynthia: “Talk shit about our daughter’s style and I’ll smear your face into the cake.”

Justice: “I feel the need to sit in a cozy corner in my room and blog for 48 hours straight.”

Her trait is God knows what.  It changed so many times and then has been a year since I even looked.  We’re going to say her new trait is flip-floppiness, because its probably been everything and more since now.6After the party FINALLY ENDED, I had to go find the rest of the family.  No idea what they would be up to, and finding them usually didn’t clear the answers for me.

Agony: “No idea where I’m at.  No idea what I’m doing.  Just know my hair is melting off my face from standing outside in the exposed radiation of this town for 358 days.”

Everyone looks a little funkier now I believe.  Or maybe they always did?  It’s been a year, I really remember nothing.7Serenity is really the only one that hasn’t seemed to suffer too much from toilet graphics.  She’s still adorable as all get out.

Serenity: “I try my best to separate myself from the rest.”8Justine across town has apparently improved on the other hand.

Justine: “Urghnksgngieneamdfkof fleas”

Maybe its her curse that is plaguing this land now that I think about it…9Happiness: *Smashes hand into the mic for four straight hours* “Probably should really retake some vocal lessons.  I cannot remember how to voice.”

At least his audience never changes so he never humiliates himself.  10After the birthday, Peace felt the need to teach Justice how to drive.  Just normal skill boosting.  But at least its in the new MM that Peace had in his inventory that I never knew he had!  Or I did and forgot about it.11Justice: “Finally!  I have perfected driving!” *Instantly crashes into fence*

So much for normality.
12*MM proceeds to abandon them in place as they crunch up together in a mini black hole*

Justice: “No daddy, I cannot drive stick.”

Peace: “Never ever ever ever ever make that joke again while you’re sitting in my lap, hun.”13Cynthia probably always had this outfit.  I don’t remember.  Either way, WHY CYNTHIA.

Cynthia: “Must reach, must work for that dild-I MEAN, that… fat skill bar… yeah… ayyy…”

Wrath: “The fuck is going on why is everyone else making bad sex jokes?!  That’s supposed to be MY shtick!  Heh heh… get it, “shtick”?  “Stick”?  …Wow that one was actually shit, even for me.”

Baal: “I thought it was ok enough.”14Pretty much off the bat no one has top tier need bars.  But at least Serenity isn’t passing out on the ground anymore?  At least she’s learning.

Serenity: “I have learned to just not pass out when you are looking, I MEAN zzz”
15Justice: “Love my sister.  But I really hope she gets enough energy to do her homework soon.  She’s failing so far behind now, it’s hopeless…”

Serenity: “Can’t care, bed hair, zzz”16*Even further down the walkway*

Agony: “Fuck what da teacher said”

Her grades are actually the best so far, she’s about to hit A+ at her rate.  Fingers crossed, I need that for once.17Ah.  In case I couldn’t forget that this little monster exists.18Hysteria: “You know you can’t forget me.  In the back of your mind, you know I’m the rightful heiress…  I’m the evil one, I’m the one the rules call for… I’m the one that should be holding the house spot, not that car humper, Agony…  Even after a year, you can’t forget that it should be me the spot goes to…”

Fuck it off, Hysteria and your smug ass grin and shit.  I’ve made up my mind I think.  No clones, no heirship!  I can break the rule at least once in the legacy, and I’m not sticking around with you!  Go back to the boarding school I banished you to!

Hysteria: “Fine… but know in the back of your little mind, you know rule breaking is against your morals… and I will be back… and you will doubt yourself again…”19Peace took his father out for a night on the town, mostly for MM boost needs for Happiness, but also because they need some father-son time.

Peace: “With all this rain out here, you don’t think you’re going to melt are you?”

Happiness: “Oh my goat, Peace, for the last time, I’m not a witch!”20Happiness: “I… do have something to admit though, son.  I have this burden I’ve hid from everyone for years.  I’m actually… *phone starts ringing very undramatically* … a vampire.”21Peace: “Dimmit, dad!  Are you SERIOUS?!  For the past 35 years of my LIFE, I just have been telling people you were an oversized pixie!”22Happiness: “Ok then?  I’m not a vampire?  Does that make it better?”

Peace: “Yes, that makes clearly more sense.”

Happiness: “What”

And then I suddenly remembered I couldn’t control Happiness anymore so I stopped making him tell his son all this stuff.
23Angela: “Dark Souls 3 is a pretty good game if you don’t put the disc in and play Mario Party 4 instead.”

Eunice: “Casuals like you do not have a place in the world, Angela!  Get out of my unlife!”24Eunice: “Seriously!  No sim since you has annoyed me so much as you have in all my years!”

*Cynthia walks by*

Eunice: “Nevermind, you’re SECOND most annoying now!”25Wrath: “Later everyone, I’m off to Narnia to do some lion poaching.”

I will never cease using Narnia jokes, even though the only movie I saw was Epic Movie and only book I ever read was the one where everyone dies in a car crash or a train or some shit.  Spoilers?  I don’t know.  I could be thinking of another series for all I know.26Peace: “I decided to take all of you to school in the MM today because of mood boosts.  Also I really don’t want to start yelling at my children for decomposing grade rates.  I cry when I have to do any form of discipline.”

Serenity: “But silly daddy, don’t you remember?  It’s a seasonal holiday!  We don’t have school today!”

Peace: “By George, you’re right!  I guess I’ll take all of you to the party Cynthia was invited to this morning, but can’t make it because she was too busy routefailing over toenail clippings.”27Agony: “Hey, you’re forgetting something… you’re forGETTING SOMEONE!!  YOU’RE FORGETTING ME!! PEACE!!!”

28Justice: “Never been to a party before.  Do you think they hurt?”

Serenity: “Don’t know.  All I know is I love dogs.  I will now love dogs forever.  By the way, has anyone seen my glasses?”29Justice: “Ah well, time to change into my ~~SUNDAY BEST~~”

Serenity: “Wow.  I don’t need glasses to see why we needed to change everything else besides your every day.”

Curse the crash rate.30Peace: “Glad to meet you Mr. Van, and must I say your house is lovely.  Your party is crap though.”

Van: *Smiles politely and plots a way to piss in this man’s shoes for the insult*31Peace: “Long time no see, sister!  In game life AND real life!  Its great to see you aren’t dead yet.”

Brave: “Thank you child of the earth. No idea who you are, but its nice to have someone grateful I haven’t croaked over yet.”32And that was the party.  Spring/Love day parties, whatever they are, suck.

Serenity: “But I just figured out how to get up on the porch without blindly tripping over the steps and busting my shins.”33Agony: “Fuck them and their MM.  I don’t need those losers to take me to a party that’s already over!  Look, my whip is here!  With my power to befriend vehicles, I can summon any vehicle to my whim!”34Agony: “Ay well fuck you too then.”35Justice: “As much fun as that party was, daddy, that party was not fun at all.”

Peace: “Then join me in the hot tub.  We got to get some use out of this thing, I didn’t drop about 10 grand on this thing for aesthetics, you know.”

Serenity: “Okie then.  But just so you guys know, I still love dogs.  That hasn’t changed.”

Justice: “Is that going to be your new useless quirk or something?”36Justice: “Daddy, please don’t be mad at me, but this is the only bathing suit they had left at the randomly generated CAS discount store.”

Peace: “I will never be mad at you, sweetie, just the universe we live in.”37Here’s a good picture of both girls just showing off how cute they are.  I adore both of them equally.  If Serenity ends up with the good trait, I’ll never be able to decide who would be heiress.38Agony: “I don’t understand!  Why am I being so isolated by those assholes?  All I wanted was to be included in their shitty little old person party and I got abandoned on the sidewalk.  I don’t do well with being excluded…”

Baal: “Because you’re trash I MEAN THEY ARE TRASH FUCK YEAH fuck them, do your own thing, you don’t need their approvals.”

Agony: “You’re right!  If I want to do things, I don’t need their permission!  I’ll do what the hell I want!”

Cynthia: “Please I just want sleep”39Peace: “Look girls!  The Sims 1 toes.”40Serenity: “EW DADDY NO KEEP THOSE AWAY FROM ME”

Justice: “Dad I’ve told you three times already you need to go to the doctor and get those checked out.”41Peace: “Er, hey Agony.  Would you like to joi-”

Agony: “Scoot over peons, I’m getting in the hot tub whether you want me to or not, and I will not take no for an answer!”

Peace: “We weren’t going to keep you out, but sure, come on in…”42Peace: “Agony, dear, this isn’t a snorkel tank, you can’t really swim around in this thing.”

Serenity: “What is she even doing.”43And then Agony’s leg got sucked into a drain at the bottom of the pool and she proceeded to drown.

Peace: “Why are my feet purple all of a sudden”
44Agony: “HELP YOU PSYCHOS I CANNOT ACTUALLY SWIM”

Peace: “I wish I had this thing insured.”
45Agony: *Crab-Dabs her way out of the hot tub*

Justice: “If I get out of this pool, it’s not going to break my arms too, is it?”46Agony: “I can’t believe you fuck bricks almost let me die in this thing!  Take your shitty hot tub I don’t want anything to do with the damn thing!  I’m leaving!”

Justice: “Finally.”47However, Agony snapping her leg off in the open drain pipe caused the hot tub to break.

Peace: “You got to be kidding me.”

Agony: “Finally, I did something right!  Evil ancestors please witness me.”
48And then Peace tried to fix it but it went bad so he wanted to sell it instead.  So much for the tub.49End of chapter townie updates:  This just in, Florida man caught holding his own hand and crying while walking down the street.50While going through the family tree to get grips of what’s going on, apparently at some point Anger died.  I did not know that (or, for the millionth time, I do not remember if I knew or not) RIP Anger, if I haven’t said RIP before.  You leave behind a grape for a granddaughter.51And lastly, and definetely least, Hysteria doesn’t like military school 🙂

Hysteria: “THIS IS NOT THE HEIRSHIP I DEMAND”

Chill Out

1Agony: “Huh, the Marlena woman died while I was gone.  Does this mean that uh, she just stands in the living room for all eternity now or what?  I knew I shouldn’t have left the Love and Shit School.”

Angela: “Goodness no.  Now that I can finally properly introduce my daughter-in-law to this side of the void, I’m gonna teach her how to properly live!”
2Marlena: “Oh wow!  I had no idea you could do this kind of stuff with objects!”

Who could guess just how active Marlena’s corpse is compared to when she was alive.3Peace: “Wait a minute, this isn’t my Granny Angela!  No way in 1000 years would my mother ever have the brains to come the second floor of the house much less play pool.”

Marlena: “Wow this actual living thing is awesome.  I wasted 80+ years of my life I now see.”
4Considering how well my game was running at the time, I felt brave enough to finally let Betel back out of her coffin.

Betel:  “And here I was enjoying the empty silent void in which I did nothing.”

Not like she’ll end up doing nothing anyway.5Peace: “Oh ships, I forgot we already had a maid in the house.  I hope they can get along alright…”

Raul: “OH MY GOD NO, MY WORK INSURANCE DOESN’T COVER INCIDENTS LIKE THIS”

Betel: “You get insurance?  Lucky dick.  All they pay me is in the form of subpar internet connection.”6.5Peace: “But… we weren’t planning to kill you… maybe Wrath but not us…”

Raul: *Jogs quickly away while chanting STAYING ALIVE at the top of his voice*
7And then just like that, the snows began to melt, and winter was over.  I usually never get to see the snow melt, since it poofs away in chunks unceremoniously, but the distant mountains are almost gorgeous, even with my ass graphics and Peace’s hoarding station in its foreground.8And with Spring, comes life.  In the form of stray animals that wonder into the yard.

Wrath: “Yaaay, a new horseshoe target to throw shit at!”

Stray: “Please do not, I just came to beg for a food…”
9Aw, she cute.  And she’s pretty old, I would hate for her to not find a forever home to finally rest in…

Stray: “Oh no.  Please do not adopt me into this hell…”

I think I will adopt her into this hell.
10Although.  ONCE AGAIN.  Instead of looking at what I was doing, instead of adopting the stray into the family, I “adopted” Betel for the second time.

Betel: “Damn.  And I was thinking about doing something like cleaning up this dump.  This has thrown my whole morning off.”

I looked into her commands to see if I could keep making her clean up while she was at it, but I think she only had like three commands or some shit like that – Go there, Talk, and a “Chill Out” command?  So I tested that one out to see what she’d do.
11Apparently Chill Out sends her to the bar.  I shouldn’t have been surprised.

Betel: “Oh rum and coke, how I missed thee.”12Brave: “I was letting my head flowers get some rain, and I fell asleep in the yard.  Totes forgot what I was even doing here.”

Your old age is unimpressive, Brave, but other than that.  In case you can’t tell from the generic side of the street, we are at the wedding reception place.  Which means one thing…13Nascar: “It means that that Bonehilda is a hot piece of ass, is what”

Nascar, where the fuck is your wife, you have a wife.14Peace: “It means that my wedding is about to start!  Which is fantastic, even though it had to start raining as soon as I call for the guests, but either way, I’m excited to renew my vows.”

Nascar: “And you do it without bringing along the sexy sugar mama?!  WAT’N DA HELL’S WRONG WID YOU BOY”15Julian: “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind if I got boned from that if you know what I’m sayinhuehuehuehuehuehue”

Charity: “You have never been right in the head.”

Nascar: “Touch my One True Love™ and I will run over your bald ass with a tank, do you hear me from over here, Julian?!”16His rage overpowering his motherboard mixed with the rain shorted him out, and he finally stopped ranting about Bonehilda for all of two hours.

Nascar: “No, these are actually tears I’m cry because you won’t let me sleep with the bone maid.”

I guess it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing he’s wanted to sleep with.
17Ole’ Rodrigo graced ourself with his party crashing presence.  At first I thought it was Florida Man, which is a shame. He’s so cloney.
18Cynthia: “Our wedding vows are supposed to be an unbreakable chain of love and steel.  Break them one more time though, Peace, and I will break your jaw.”

Peace: “To be honest, I do not fear you, for I love you and will never fail your trust and loyalty again, and also I’m not really worried about you hurting me because your old people bones are as fragile as a wet milk carton.”19Cynthia: “I will take that promise to have and to hold, if you explain to me what Betel is here repairing Nascar in the front of the lot.  I thought we agreed we weren’t hooking them up.”

Peace: “I’m not, but I hate to see Nascar sad, so I’m just having her do this one thing before we reset her out of our family’s roster.”
20Betel: “Trust me though, this screwdriver is the only thing that’s gonna be screwing you today, you tin can.  So when I get you fixed, don’t even think about it.”

Nascar: “A bot can still dream…”21The wedding still went on without a hitch.  There should be no more mid life crisises, so hopefully this duo continues to go down the line ’til death do they part.

Nascar: “If they last as long as I have with my dear wife, then you know it’s a match made in heaven.”

Nascar, at the rate you are going, it will be a miracle if Veronica even lets you in the house anymore.22And of course, end-wedding shot ruined because the groom’s sister fake-dies into a zombie.

Cynthia: “Now there’s someone who’s jaw I know I can break.”

Peace: “While I do not usually condone violence against family, I’m pretty sure we can all say that we approve of it if you go through with it, Cynthia.”
23Back at the house, the stray is finally successfully added to the family.  Following the theme, and adding her as a pet for Peace’s family, her name is Ariel, and hopefully she will leave a good impression on her family.

Ariel: “Nah I’ll just hide under the couch until old age finally claims me any second now.”

Betel: “Great, I guess I’m going out in the trash now, aren’t I.”

Yep. *resets and deletes*24Another addition to the family, a gnome I found in Wrath’s inventory.  Bald Elvis now has a new friend.

BE: “Thank you.  Thank you very much.”25Baal: “And this is the living room, where you will have your own little personal litter box that cats use for their toiletries.”

Ariel: “Isn’t that a little… small for me to squat down into.”

Baal: “Nah, just flip the lid, lean it over and go to town.”

Marlena: *Sobs*26Marlena’s gonna trip someone and break their neck one of these days, so she was finally moved out into the backyard.  I think Wrath planted a watermelon on it.

If it’s anything like its fertilizer, it actually might not do anything at all.27Ah, I’m taking a lot of scenic photos today.  Granted my video card seems to be tanking, this town does still  look decent.  Despite the evil trying to claim the banks of the river, this town gets a lot of nice little rainbows.28Happiness: “Remember me?  I still do these shows when I get attention placed upon myself ! Please.  Make my daughter stop show-stealing so I can make some money.  Please.”

Why are all your daughters so bad this week, Happiness.29In usual fashion, I let Peace take his family out for an outing (as usual as well, one of them didn’t bother to come along because they’re fuddy duddies.  This time being Justice)

Peace: “I just want my little girl to get out and experience life outside of school every now and then you know.”

Serenity: “You know I can’t see anything without my glasses.”
30Happiness: “GASP!  My… my dear son came to see me perform for once!  This makes me the happiest father in the world!”  *proceeds to cry hormonally into the microphone for 6 minutes*31Peace: “So this is how dad’s usually go?  Truth be told, I’m not that impressed.  5/10, very low replay value.”

Honey, this is the largest audience he’s had in a long ass time.32Happiness : “ALL THE SINGLE LADIES~”

Jodi: “I’m a single lady :D”

Don’t you have a mutated orange you need to be watching after, Jodi.33The audience would be a bit broader if Peace’s family actually came in off the street and actually participated in the show.

Cynthia: “Hey I’m spending quality alone time with my daughter.  Teaching her how to be a woman and all that.”

Yes.  Standing in the open in the middle of the night is quality time.

Serenity: “I can’t see anything right now.  Anyone got a contact lens?”34Thank you game.  Thank you for looking out for me and returning my trash back to me.

I like to think the Fallen’s garbage man looked in their garbage can and upon seeing a skeleton in a maid outfit in the bottom of the bin, calmly returned it to the front porch.

Ah.  Well.  *Perma-death’s Betel and starts over*35Peace: “Well.  I thought I had to pee.  I guess not anymore.  Or ever.”

Wrath: “But how’s a baby like a slice of bread?!  PEACE ANSWER MY RIDDLE”36And then he wanted this.  Was it really that traumatizing?

Peace: “I WANT THIS TUB PURGED AND SMELTED DOWN”

I guess it was…37Wrath: “Wow, you can’t fucking wait until I get out of the bathroom before trying to blow the roof off, you dumb shit?”

Peace: “There’s no time when there’s memories to repress, Wrath!”38At least he’s smart and used the shed as a makeshift bomb shelter.

Peace: “Well when there’s a chance the whole house might go up in flames, I can’t take no chances.”

Happiness: “And here I thought I raised my son to be smarter than this.”39Peace: “So much for the vows I took with my beloved wife.  Sigh.  There goes the entire side of the house.  I’m pretty sure I’m the only survivor now.  Time to move to a new town, change my name, marry a ghoul and travel the wasteland countryside together…”

Surprisingly, the tub was the only thing that blew up, so the project was a success.  Tub’s dead though.40Happiness: *Gently fists a coffee cup, as it’s the only action he’s gotten in years*

I think everyone’s getting addicted to coffee.  Horrible alternative to sleep.  Might delete.
41Justice: “As soon as I grow up into a well respected teenager and member of civil society, I too, will enjoy the smooth rich flavor of fresh ground coffee.”

That is, if she survives her caking.  Spoiler alert in advance, it goes bad42Cynthia: “The beautiful greenness of this newly modded birthday cake can’t take away the pain of the sudden lag spike we are experiencing right now.  I can only imagine this is an omen of ill times before us.”

Peace: “It’s alright wife, I’m not going to blow up any more furniture!  The tub was just one instance!!”  *takes cover away from the cake behind the counter, you know, just in case*43Happiness: “HAH, my granddaughter is getting old.  Soon I will be the youngest in the house again, because as we all know, I’ll never get to the point of having a midlife crisis, not ever!  Not in-”

Peace: “Five million years, we get it dad, stop.  I’m trying to watch my little girl’s birthday from the safely of the kitchen counter can you stop with it already?”44And then, CLIFFHANGER!

But not because I want there to be.  Justice started giving me the same shit Serenity gave me when she aged up, but this time I can’t get past the birthday itself.  So she’s stuck in child form for now…

And it doesn’t help that my drivers are officially all screwed up and boned to death.

See, long story short, I tried to update my display driver not that long ago.  But afterwards, it messed up my computer so badly, that I uninstalled it, and rolled back to an old one.  Little did I know, I probably shouldn’t have uninstalled it.  I reinstalled, before I remembered why I deleted it in the first place.  So I uninstalled it again, because not only did it not fix anything, but it made it worse.  AGAIN.  Also computer updates aren’t working anymore.  Nor can I open anything in photo viewer.  NOR CAN I PLAY ANY GAMES.  Literally the only things working are my internet browser, flash player, and trusty dependable photoshop.  PHOTOSHOP IS OFFICALLY GONE NOW AS WELL, EVERYTHING IS TANKING, SEND JESUS

So if anyone knows what I should do at this point, because I’m at a loss, please send some info my way.  For the record, I’m still rolling a windows 7, because as I said before, updates are not happening.

*cough*

LOOK, A BABY NAMED FERBY WAS BORN.  It’s always nice to see my old sims reincarnated.  Dang did I ever miss Ferby.

Genetic Explosions

1Of course she is.2Does this look like the military school I sent you too, you little shit?! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY YARD AND OUT OF MY LIFE, JEEZ3Wrath: *Mourns over all the sexist jokes that could have been*

To recap, last time we had little Hysteria grow up into a colossal disappointment, as I am growing accustomed to, coming from the evil side of the family and all.  But she was so much of a genetic fuck up that Jada up and died of shock, ending any future children Wrath was going to have, because the game’s just too fucking slow for her to start over.

Then after some series of shitty events, the game shut down, I shut down, and I only bothered to try again when my internet died last week.
4Peace: “Dad I’m so proud of you.  Napping on the sofa instead of passing out on the floor like a common pleb.  For that I reward you with a little beta wave pick-me-up.”

In the future I might invest in a Motive Mobile, but I know no one in the house would even use it.  They won’t even use the cars in their inventory, they keep calling taxis.  But it would be nice for future mass motive failures.5Peace: “I got invited to a party of some sorts.  I invited my cousin along for the ride.”

Wrath: “Keep telling yourself that, fucko.  I invited myself because I need someone to try my new dildo joke on.”
6Oh.  I see it’s this house.

Jaime: “I am now aware that I should have read the invite a little closer.”7Jaime: “Welp.  No way in hell I’m doing this.  Bye.”

Way to leave us to suffer all on our own the second you get here, Jaime.8Peace: “AAAAAAAHHHHHG!  Oh sorry I didn’t mean to scream like a little girl.  I just didn’t think Jaime was telling the truth about the weirdness that was in here.”

Don’t think he has place to judge, seeing as the man gave birth to a green space baby.9Upstairs I see Betsy and Nascar are trapped also invited guests of the Florida Men party.

Nascar: “I wish I took the same door Jaime did when he ran out of the house.  I thought the stairs going to the second floor was a back exit, and Lord have I never been so wrong in my entire life.”10Peace: “If I just close my eyes, and pretend I’m at a family reunion, I can almost block out the sound of constant teeth grinding they are making.”

Wrath: “What’s the difference between a dild-oooh, you know what, I don’t think I want to tell my jokes to these people…”12Arwing: “I found a friend upstairs everyone!  I have absorbed her into my body now, and we are going to be forever one from here on out…”

Betsy: “Please Nascar… Kill me…”

Nascar: “Who’d’ve thunk upstairs would be even worse than down here.  I take what I said earlier back.  This whole house needs to be burned and salted.”13Nascar: “But I’m finally freeee!  I’m getting out of here as fastly as possible!!” *turns on feet jets and ends up going backwards*

It’s good to see that the Beast is still in the game.  I don’t even recall Nascar having it.

Arwing: “No, come back, and join us!”14Arwing: “I SAID COME BACK SEXY METAL HUSBAND”

*tongue flapping in the wind*

Now isn’t that a sight.15I’ll talk shit all I want about Arwing, but the fact that she can keep her pants up over her asscrack (albeit barely) while bent over that far is admirable to say the least.  I wish I knew her secrets.16Thankfully I was taken away from the party when Cruelty returned from whatever boarding school I shipped her off to, and dumped off on the street corner the game keeps dumping them off at.  Welcome back, Cruelty.  You will not be returning home from here.

Cruelty: “Then… where the hell am I going to live.”

I have chosen a perfect home for a dirty little clone such as yourself.17Arwing: “The door brings sacrifices.”

Cruelty: “There is NOTHING I did in life that merits this kind of punishment!!”

Aww, look, Arwing bred.  I look forward to this child exploding on me.18Oh no, that’s not who she was initially set up with…

Florida Man: “Can I help I found my grandson’s baby mama so damn irresistible?  The bear noises she made in the bedroom got me rock hard.”

No.
19Wrath: “Days like this make me miss Jada so much.  She would make merciless fun of that child for being such a failure.”

Glad to see the house hasn’t changed.
21Happiness: “I can’t believe that I made this chair all on my own.  Amazing.  Who knew we all had some free will inside of us all along.”

The house does seem to have a bit more motivation that it used to do.  Especially after Marlena died.  They’re still a little lame, but for some bit, they are more active.

22Don’t you even fucking think about it.23*Enters a cryogenic state*

I’m so glad you’re not heiress, Serenity.24Also it’s nice to see I’m not the only one suffering with like genetics in this town.  All these Fancy Secksie three gen clones make me feel a little better about myself.

Justine: “How am I supposed to differentiate any of these people in this vanilla white ass crowd”

Clone 1: “Sigh, fine, I’ll invest in some glasses and a mustache.”25Vanessa: “I’m the only teacher in the school at the moment because the children would suck the life out of the rest of the fleshies.”

Justine: “Glasses and a mustache?!  What makes you think that’s gonna make a difference?  You still gonna be the same basic first born carbon copy of the last remnants of a forgotten family dynasty, glasses isn’t going to help that.”

Copy: “…Oh.”

Serenity: *Hits snooze*26Brave: “Oh snap crackle and pop!  Who died in the hallway now?!”

Peace: “I’m pretty sure that that is Jada’s corpse in that box, but granted it’s probably mother, since I don’t recall her ever being moved since Justice’s birthday party.”27Serenity: “Which is all well and done, because it is now my birthday!”

Try not to fall asleep on the cake.28Happiness: “Please don’t be sad over the death of the Jada lady, my precious grandchild.  She was a regret that I’m sure Wrath realizes at this point.  And besides, look at me going out of my way to actually socialize with you,  much less console you.  That’s got to mean something to you right?”

Justice: “Why are you touching me with your creepy broken wrists”29Wrath: *Evil maniac giggling*

Oh no, I already know where this is going.30Peace: “WHHHHHHYYYYYY?!!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE!”

Foreground Alien Snowman: *Pats the crotch*

Peace: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
31Peace: “No please, not the memories, oh sob, I still miss my sweet child so much”

Alien: “Oh man really, is he actually crying?  Wow ok fine, I won’t pat the crotch.” *Pats the ass*
32Justice: “So, uh, why are you still a child if we had a birthday for you like last night or something?”

Serenity: “Oh that’s easy.  I keep crashing the game while blowing out the candles, so I will be eternally young forever I suppose.”

Justice: “Oh ok.  Cool I guess.”

Yayyyyy, one of those game sessions THAT’S WHAT I NEEDED33Happiness: “I set up a new stage for my new show to entice new watchers.  The theme is Any Where But Here.  Because that’s where I’d rather be right now.”34Pregnant Townie: “I don’t mean to whore the attention away from this ghoul and his show, but I REQUIRE ATTENTION PLS”

Happiness: “Will I NEVER get anybody to watch my shows?!”35*Manages to hold on to a couple of viewers by screaming and crying his eyes out into the microphone*

Lady Onlooker: “Eh, well you’ve seen one pregnant lady in public you’ve seen them all.”

Proprietor: “Yeah lady, you’re scaring off our money with your damn baby, go squat him out elsewhere.”

Prego: “HMPH, fine, I’ll find another lot that will give me the attention I so desperately need!  Bye losers!”36Oh shit I almost forgot this little monster was even still in the house.  Thank you.  Get the hell out of here.

Cynthia: “Ugh finally, now I can finally relax and sleep in peace.  I’m so stressed out and wound up from her being in this house that I’m pretty sure I’m suffering a pulled tendon.”

Pretty sure you’ve pulled more than a tendon.37And it was here, post Serenity’s birthday, that my game completely shut this town down, and I vanished for 8 months to do anything else.  Each time her little teenage ass even so much as came in contact with air, the game died.  I even tried to pack the family up and force them to move into a new town for a whole new start, but the game was like NO

So now we’re back from outer space and back in business I think maybe.  I have finally been allowed back in this town on parole, and even though the computer deleted HALF OF THE FUN LITTLE PHOTOS I TOOK BETWEEN NOW AND THE END OF THIS CHAPTER, it’s good to be back.38We start off with a non-game generated makeover for our little failure here.

Serenity: “I’m cute, so all is forgiven. I even stopped passing out so much!  I mean, you know.  After being in that bed for 8 months, I probably should.”

True.39Justice is still heiress though, well behaved and off on her own, trying to help her father locate the aliens that stole her sister.

Justice: “This monitoring device should pick up the alpha brain waves of any nearby extraterrestrial, so we should soon have a lead on who kidnapped Isabella or Iguanodon or whoever her name was.  I will aid my father on his quest to make our family whole again, but first, I got to get this device to stop picking up on all the horses in the area.”

Good kid.40On a side note, I never realized that Baal had babies with another dog!  And down the line, he became a great-grandpa!

Baal: “YOU CAN’T PROVE THEY’RE MINE”

He must be so proud!41Happiness: “And there you go, little werewolf man!  Your song-a-gram for the day, now if you don’t mind, I rather look at the Freddie Fallen nerd next to you, because apparently he’s my grandchild, and he looks like a dweeb.”42Freddie, Child of Charity no less, is actually a cutie patootie.

Happiness: “Yes, well, my genes are quite powerful, I am aware.”

Charity was mostly Marlena, but whatever floats his boat.
43Happiness: “This grandchild I don’t really want to claim, don’t make me do it.”

Loyalty I had more faith in than Charity, but apparently she’s not faired well on her breeding path, but maybe I’m just being harsh, compared to Freddie.43Speaking of genes, this kid might be a future parent to a generation, so let’s see what kind of child Jodi’s bringing into the household for a visit!44Ice Jaime: “Alright you guys, we have some ground rules in this house you must abide if you are to come into this house.  First rule, wipe your feet at the door.  Second of all, wipe your feet before entering the kitchen.  Third, wipe feet before jumping on trampoline, fourth, wipe ass after sitting on toilet, fifth-”

Jodi: “Why is an inanimate block of ice talking to me”

Oh no, is that yellow on orange I see there…45Rodrigo: “Mommy says I’m her little ray of sunshine.”

Jodi: “More like my little ray of radiation, but he hears what he wants to hear.”45It’s been a while since I plopped the Florida Man in town, but I do not recall him going on the prowl and hitting it up with an older woman and spreading the sauce amongst the general population.  GRANTED that’s what he was put here for, but I didn’t think he was actually successful.46.1He IS currently dating the Arwing Monster though, as recently stated.  I don’t even know if their pregnancy is still a thing, since there were so many crashes in the past, I don’t think it even survived to our current state.  But her current child isn’t his.46.2Tyrone, apparently belongs to Jarrett, like I originally planned for.

Jarrett: *looks miserable for good reason*46.3And then we have Florida Man, his father and brother, apparently has absorbed their mother, the bucket head Florida Man, and is now the father, brother, and mother.  I don’t know what’s going on anymore.

Florida Man: “We are one, we are many”

Jarrett: “I want death.”46Rodrigo: “I thought they had a wack house, but wow.  There’s not even a full set of walls, and it has nothing but a lot of crappy 8-bit art.  I want to go home.”

Jodi: “I wish I could go home without you, but it’s snowing so badly, I’d rather not have the social workers coming to my house asking why I dumped you off in an unwalled house in the middle of the night…”

And there they stood until they got too cold and Jodi was forced to actually take her son home.47And then Tyrone exploded, and I had to go look at this mess.

Tyrone: *Tries to fly away from his icon box with his large Dumbo ears*48AGGHHHH, I mean he beautiful49Sandi: “Why the hell am I here and where the fuck are my pants”

Tyrone: *Takes the cross eyed toddler look to a whole new level*50Happiness: “Please no, don’t put me down next to this thing, I’m getting very uncomfortable”

Tyrone: *Loud vacuum noises*51Wrath: “I suppose I’ll just chunk all these rocks in here at once.  They’re all glitchy and bugging out anyhow.”52Cynthia: “That’s nice.  Do this at 4 in the morning.  We want to put up with it.”

Wrath: “Why is a woman like a busted phone jack?”

Serenity: “You know you keep this up I’m going to start passing out on the floor again.  Fair warning.”53Wrath: “What did the gay sailors say when pulling up to dock at a gay bar?  All hands on dick.”

Why would you even want to bother trying.  54Wrath: “Well first off, Jada is up and about, and I am filled with such love and adoration for my baby maker, that I wanted to rekindle the relationship and start over anew by BREAKING UP WITH YOU, BITCH.  You REALLY just died right here on the floor after finding out our children were all failures, you really left me with a pack of shit on my plate here”

Jada: “What the fuck did you want from me I was like 100 years old”

Wrath was ACTUALLY attempting to break up with Jada to become “reengaged” with her, because you know how it is.  Spouse dies, they can’t get married because some bug or some shit, they have to break up and give them the ring back, yadda yadda yadda, I’ve done this horse and buggy before.55But Jada had none of it, the second Wrath broke up with her, she poofed.  And not the stinky green cloud of ghosty vanishness, she just popped out of existence so hard that I bet you anything she won’t be back.  Hell, I bet you she’s not even in the game any more.  Gooooooo figure.

Cynthia: “Dang.  That was worth getting woken up at 4 in the morning.”

Wrath: “Hold up, hold up.  I’mma write a new epitaph on her grave…”56Wrath: “That’s better.”57But Agony tried to come back to the house, she popped up at the side of the road across town and asked for $800 to go back to school, which I clicked yes to, I wasn’t even willing to put up with her shit.

But before she poofed back into Love and Hippie Academy, I looked at her.  And I realized something.58Wrath: “Hey, you aren’t as cloney as I remember.”

Agony: “I don’t think I ever was?  I was told I was a clone of grandmother but not of you.”

Wrath: “But like, I don’t even think you’re a clone of your grandmother, you seem to have a good bit of Jada splattered all over you.”59Wrath: “If all goes well, I think you will be my heir to the throne.”

Agony: “Dammit, I knew I should have picked up the Good trait while in that stupid school.”60So I guess this is where the chapter ends.  With me realizing that Agony was probably the genetic mix I craved all along, even though I swore up and down she was just a pre-war throwback to Jealousy.  Here I have pasted a picture of her for comparison reference.

Wrath: “Don’t look her in the eyes, Agony.  She can sense your fear and failure.”

Jealousy: “No you little bitches you look me in the face, and you explain to me why my legacy is the shitpile you let it degrade to be!  EXPLAIN!!”61Uh actually lastly, here have this notification of Baal becoming a great-great grandfather!  Congradulations Baal!

Baal: “I WANT A DNA TEST”

In Hysterics

1 Justice: “Death is sad.”

Hold on.  Something more important is going on across town.  I need to look at this Florida spawn instead.2 Wow.  Did you try to kiss a bee, kid?

Justine: “Help me, my upper lip doesn’t really look attached.”

You’ll grow into it, probably.3 Peace: “Yeah really, no one is sad about my mother dying, I’m going to kill this lie the game says that I’m “feeling” and go back to washing the dishes, ok?”

Last chapter involved a couple of birthdays, and the most awaited death since Bella Secksie.  Marlena finally passed away after Nascar ripped her liver out through her vagina.  He will have a parade in his honor downtown every year on this day from now on.5 Also Jada wasn’t in the last chapter at all, and that’s probably why she’s been beheaded by sleep in this one.

Maybe it was best if she just stayed out of the chapters if this is all she’s gonna do.6

Peace: “-And then the evil queen perished after being dragged down the street in a spiked barrel by all the kings’ horses, the princess finally lived happily ever after.”

Serenity: “That was such a good ending to grandmother’s autobiography.”

Peace: “That was The Goose Girl, honey.  It’s a fairy tale.”

Serenity: “Close enough in all honesty.”

Since we are in the room of the deceased, where is Marlena’s loving widower.7 Happiness: “I refuse to go home because I can’t make any money there.”

You can’t make any money if you freeze to the ground either.8 Peace: “Dad, I called you home like three hours ago, where were you?”

Happiness: “Sorry but look who I brought home with me!  Jaime hasn’t been to visit in forever so he tagged along!”

Peace: “Dad he was here literally 4 hours ago.”9 Jaime: “Wow, they were right, you DID inherit that magnificent six pack from your father.”

Peace: “Please Mr. Vampire, get your fingers out of my navel.”10 That’s right, Jealousy.  You weren’t alive when we got seasons were you.  Are you, er, enjoying it so far?

Jealousy: “I just built a second igloo and am now working on my vicious snowman army.  What the hell do you think?”11 Evalin: “Haha, you are so unimportant Angela that they didn’t even bother taking a picture of you this chapter!”

Jada: “Yeah, tell her like it is, spooky ghost lady!”

Wrath: “Like grandmother like wife.  I married the right woman <3”

12 Jaime: “HURRY UP AND FINISH THIS SCULPTURE ALREADY.  STANDING HERE IS TIRING AND EXHAUSTING!”

Peace: “I have literally just started working on the sculpture.  It’s not my fault it took you all night to make your way back here to post for me.”13 God in the distance: “I hereby declare this gay bar to be extra extra gay.”

Peace: “Wassat”

14 A blizzard rainbow!  I feel like this is super rare.  Maybe not in the sims, but maybe.15 Jaime’s statue was finished and plopped down in the front yard to welcome guests for the remainder of the winter season.

Happiness: “Apparently I’ve been standing out here since last night.  Hm.”

Not my problem.
16 I realized I never gave Wrath her family tattoo, and it’s really late in her generation to do so, but I went ahead and put it on her.  I meant to put it on Peace if he hadn’t had one yet, (he may already have one.  On his thigh??) but I got distracted and forgot to check so I’ll have to check later.17 I didn’t want to disturb this sweet family moment.

Happiness: “Marlena never wanted to do things like this with me in all the years I have known her!  This is so exciting!”

Peace: “That’s because mom’s idea of adventure and thrill is moving three spaces left into the living room maybe once a week.”18 Peace: “Officially done being a single father.  Okay Cynthia!  I’m over my mid life crisis!  We can stop pretending we signed the real divorce papers!  Cynthia?”19Peace: “There’s my darling waifu!  I’m gonna completely ignore why you are dressed like that and present with you the Flowers of Apology, in the hopes that you will forgive me and come back to me in marriage!”

Cynthia: “Oh Peace!  They are beautiful!  They make me kinda regret throwing my wedding ring into the lake!”20 Peace: “Do not worry about that dear!  Because I dove down into the bottom of the lake and risked myself to return it to you!  Because that’s how much I love you!  Also this is a family heirloom from my grandmother, and dad’d kill me if we lost it.”

Cynthia: “Well in that case, drop another $4 grand on a vow renewal ceremony and I’m all yours, Peace!”

I love it when things work out.21 I see you’re still wandering around through the woods.  Need me to call someone?  Maybe an ambulance??

Arwing: *Sorrowful moose calls*22 Arwing: “I accidentally absorbed my Rick while we were making violent love right here in the snow 😦 😦 :(”

Jesus Christ, RIP Rick.23Peace: “To celebrate our future vow renewal, we are all going on a family trip to the mountains!”

Happiness: “In the middle of the night?  In a snowstorm??  With the kids stuffed in the trunk???”

Cynthia: “It was a good idea at the time…”
24 Well at least one of the children.  Serenity would rather stare at wall than go on a family outing.

Serenity: “What can I say, the ripples in this wall art is mesmerizing!”25 Actually she’s probably better off than her sister.

Justice: “Did they really just run on ahead of me and leave me alone on the side of a cold frozen mountain in the dark?  Is this some kind of training hidden as a game because I’m not sure…”26 Cynthia: “To be honest, my husband’s too spry for his ideas of a good time and I get pretty tired during his outings most of the time.”

Peace: “OH GOD GUYS THERE’S A WATERFALL STILL FALLING OVER HERE”27Besides the waterfall, there’s a unicorn somewhere not far from where the Fallens are.  Somewhere in that rock.
28 Unicorn: “Am I dead yet?”

Considering how deeply wedged you are in that boulder, yeah, probably.29 Mad skating skills you got there, Happiness.

Happiness: “What can I say, I’m a natural pro.”
30 Justice: “Mommy, why is grandpa a cheating blur?”

Cynthia: “Because his idiot wife rubbed off on him and he ended up inheriting her crazy.”31 Peace: “If we hold hands and stay in the middle of the pond, dad will create a wind tunnel that will gently push us along and we won’t have to skate!”

Justice: “GRANDPA STOP, I’M NOT ABLE TO SKATE IN THESE WIND CONDITIONS”32 Cynthia: “What was that about a gentle breeze, Peace?!”

Peace: “DAD I BLAME YOU.”

So much for a happy outing.33 Happiness, they left.

Happiness: “I can’t stop ;-; I’m not in control of my own free will.”
34 Happiness: “Correction.  I can’t control my own free will very well.”

Well you better learn to teleport home somehow on your own then.35 Wrath: “The only reason I invited you for my kid’s birthday party was because you saved us from Marlena stealing all of our oxygen and space.  Also because I wanted a party for my kid and I need friends.  You are the closest thing we have.”
36 Nascar: “I’m apparently the only closest thing you have to a friend.”

Wrath: “Just shut up and eat this cake when I’m done with it.”37 Heh.

Look at that.

Another

FUCKING

CLONE

Puck

HOW MANY WRATH/JEALOUSY CLONES DO I HAVE TO WADE THROUGH TO PLEASE YOU, JADA’S DNA??!?!?

38 Peace: “Congrats to me!  I finally finished my LTW!  Now that that’s out of the way, I can provide my services to be a better family man for my wife and daughters.”

NOT RIGHT NOW PEACE I’M FUCKING ANGRY AT GENETICS39 Wrath: “Wow doesn’t the time fly, feels just like yesterday it was Hysteria’s birthday and now it’s her birthday again!”

Nascar: “That’s illogical as it was just 3 minutes ago.”

I’m childifying her and dumping her off in boarding school!  I’m not wasting my time raising another Wrath.  JADA!  Get your ass in the photobooth and the back yard and TAKE THE PANTS OFF.  We’re starting over again!40 Jada: “NOPE.  You’ve had long enough time to scrape together your little heir out of me, and I’m not gonna stick around here to deal with anymore.  No more spaghetti children, no more boarding school, no nothing.”

REALLY41 Betsy: “Oh that’s gonna infuriate some people.”

Hysteria: “Mummy why”

JADA GET BACK HERE YOU BITCH

42NO HYSTERIA

HOW DARE YOU THINK YOU’RE GETTING THE HEIRSHIP WITH YOUR INSTA-EVILNESS

YOU GET THE CHEAPEST BOARDING SCHOOL THEY HAVE
43 Nascar: “Whoa, this isn’t my fault this time.”

Wrath: “CYNTHIA!  DO SOMETHING TO SAVE MY BABY MAMA”44 Wrath: “THAT DOES NOTHING FOR ME CYNTHIA”45 Hysteria: “Great party lol later”

Jada: “There goes my genetic legacy.  Sigh.”

THERE’S NOTHING IN THOSE GENETICS THAT’S YOUR LEGACY YOU EPISODE FILLER46 Serenity: “It’s ok Auntie Jada!  We will be here to mourn for you!”

Justice: “We love you!  And we will miss you taking care of us and looking out for us just like the loving mother you really were deep down inside.”

Jada: “No please, save me from them, Death.”47 Wrath: “NO Jada, please!  Stick your baby gravy in me one last time at least!”

FINE, LEAVE US JADA, LEAVE US LIKE ALL THE OTHER GOOD SIMS HAVE LEFT US BEFORE >;O48 Serenity: “Please take me with you, I’m too sad to carry on”

Justice: “Tired of you pulling this stunt, Serenity.”49 Wrath: “Haha yes, come pick up another one.  I don’t even care if you misplace this one either.”

So Hysteria’s going to boarding school too, at least until I figure out what I’m going to do.  Three “options” and all of them are clones.  By the rules, Hysteria’s instant heiress with her Evil trait, but I also barred clones from inheriting because fuck.

So now I’m thinking…50To end this chapter, here is last but not least for now:

Nascar: “HAHAHA!  Oh man!  That’s gross.”

Jaime: “No way man, get that nasty notification away from me!”

 

The Hero the Fallens Deserved

1 Behold the beautiful Flatwood Forest of Hidden Springs.  It’s a vacant island that doesn’t have any visitors allowed on it because if you touch the 2D trees, you get a very painful papercut.2 The town is a little boring today, so let’s go on a mountain hike up this giant rock next to the Fallen’s house.  I bet the view up there is fantastic.3 Now that we’re on the summit look at that foggy view.  Sad that such a lovely emerald land has so much smog pollution in the far distance.  At least Hidden Springs can keep its area clean.4 The back of the mountain is a little more ominous.  The highway leads nowhere.  Don’t plan any trips outside of town, it’s almost like the FHA said, “here’s the end of the road, go get lost in the wilderness, get eaten by a bear or something.  Fuck you and your highway taxes.”5 Last chapter, Peace divorced his wife to appease the aliens, and started looking through a telescope to find him.  One logic point later, he’d rather spend money on a lab table and make potions, though.

Wrath: “What does the nerd boy think he’s doing now?  Trying to chemical your way to getting your daughter back?  Hallucinations aren’t the same thing, loser.”6

Wrath: “Hey, don’t you ignore me when I’m making a good jab at you, Peace!  You aren’t allowed to get the better of me just by ignoring me!”7 Wrath: “Whatever.  I’ll just ignore you ignoring me.  See how you like it.”8 Wrath: “Don’t you ignore me ignoring you ignore me!  With you’re one missing texture bald spot in the back of your sad low resolution haircut.  You want to try to show me up in potion making, then so be it!”9 Wrath: “You want a potions competition, you HAVE one massive beatdown coming up!”

Then she forced Jada to carry her alchemy set down from upstairs because forcing a pregnant woman to carry a heavy table makes their children born as genetic clones of their parents.10 Wrath: “And what do you think of THAT?  Perfectly blended bee hive in an old Pepsi bottle.  You can take your science and shove it up your colon, Peace.”11 Peace: “I did it!  It took about 6 hours, I’m about to wee and pass out, but I think I have made a concoction of stinky.  It will only be good to further educate myself on how to make better potions.”

Wrath: “You little shit, not just how you DARE to continue to ignore how better I am at this than you, but spend 80 fucking years mixing sulfur into sewage water and calling it a potion!”12 Wrath: “Fifty bees for your absolute bullshit!”

Peace: “NO PLEASE!  DAD!  GET YOUR MUSIC COLLECTION OUT AND TRY TO SERENADE THESE BEES INTO CALMING DOWN AND BEING NICE!  I DON’T HAVE THE COMPLEXION FOR WELTS!”13 Wrath: “Nerd.  Now that he’s finally gone, I can stand out here and calmly enjoy nature, with that, horrid, wannabe alchemy, lab, table, thing…”14 Wrath: “This thing looks stupid anyway, might as well get a closer look at it’s stupid stupidness.”

You can’t hide your wishes from me, Wrath.15 Wrath: “Ooooh wow-oh!  I created a mood-enhancer!  And I created it so much faster than Peace’s shitty potion!  I’m pretty good at this!”16 Wrath: “Yeah but this science stuff is still wack.  Whatever.”

Whatever you say.17 Cynthia: “Maybe if I dig long enough, I can find a large enough diamond that will pay a way for me to take all my children and go far far away, away from all men, for the rest of my life.”

If only it were so, dear.
18 Cynthia: “Sitting on my leg in the sand box has caused it to fall asleep, but there is some good news!  It’s my birthday!”19 Baal: “I have come to show that I care.”

Cynthia: “That’s better than being alone.”20 Holy shit they are civil to each other.

Wrath: “I forgot she was even alive.”

Marlena: “I forgot I was even alive.”
21 Wrath: “For being alive, two bees.”

Marlena: “DIDN’T YOU PASS BASIC MATH IN SCHOOL, THIS IS MORE THAN TWO BEES”

Wrath: “They brought their own friends over.”22 Wrath: “All the bees musta’ fucked you up real bad this time Marlena.  You turned into an old version of what’s her face.  Peace’s wife.  Uuuuh, Cynthia.”

Cynthia: “That’s because it is ME, Cynthia, you dill pickle.”23Marlena: “I was on my way to get rid of all Wrath’s bees. but I only made it halfway before I decided to stand here in this one spot for 3 hours.”

Serenity: “Come on grandma.  Let’s go inside before frostbite finishes off what’s left of your legs.”
24 They were actually both just standing there being dumbasses, so I made them help Wrath build an igloo so she’d get it over with before she ends up pissing herself with her pregnancy bladder.

Marlena: “Actually I think I’m just gonna stand here and supervise Serenity on her block making skills.  I supervise better than anything else.”

Wrath: “Of course you do.”
25 Wrath: “Yay!  I get to use 3.14 more bees today!”

Marlena: “I DO BELIEVE THIS IS ILLEGAL IN THIS STATE”

26 Wrath: “Ah yes.  The bees were good this year.  A wonderful harvest of honey and violence towards you.  What do you think about that, Marlena?”

Marlena: “I used to pray you’d learn to love one day and find forgiveness but now I’d really wish you’d fall off a fjord.”27

I haven’t watched one of Happiness’ shows in forever.  Luckily the game still makes him go to those things, but I don’t think he goes through with shows anymore unless I watch him at least start it.  I watched him set up this time because of the five people here that bothered to show up.  What a massive turnout!

Happiness: *Fake moonwalks*
28 Lisa: “Oh wow hot stuff!  Yes, I’d let you autograph my tits any day!”

Happiness: “Awww yeah, come give me a hug, baby!”

Your wife isn’t dead yet, Happiness.29 Holy shit, wait a tid bit.

That’s a 5-figure paycheck right there!  I’m gonna have to watch you do your shows more often.30 Good to see you’re still chugging down bloody pipes, Nascar.

Nascar:  “I have access to a lot of them now that I’m in politics.”31 Nascar: “Now I have to watch it and see if it goes all the way down…”

I think I’ve stayed way too long at the show tonight.32 Wrath: “What does a woman and a screen door have in common?  The more you bang them, the looser they get.”

That joke was so bad, the textures left.33 Wrath: “I just wanted to watch the cooking channel :)”

It didn’t want you watching it.34 Wrath: “There.  I fixed it.”

You made it WORSE.35 Wrath: “Fixing the television made me want to fix other things now!  Me and the toilet are gonna smash!”

Please don’t, we finally got it fixed since Cruelty left.36 Wrath: “Too much smashing!  The hammering sensation has scared my fetus and it’s trying to run away.”

Took it long enough.
37Btw you still have a lumpy boob, Wrath.  Really, you should get that checked out.  Or at least buy a better bra.
38 Wrath: “I hold this child up with such high regard because it’s probably the last hope I have for this line.”

Hysteria is her name.  Three girls in a row and no sons, I’m starting to think this will end up as a matriarch line.  She likes roots music, chili con carne, and hot pink.  She’s a loner virtuoso, not winning traits, but I’m really just caring to see her toddler stage already.39 Her bed room is Betel’s old storage room because I can’t care enough right now to give her a full nursery.

Betel’s forgotten ghost: “Well why don’t you just dump her damn crib in Cruelty’s and Agony’s old room!  You aren’t even using that anymore!”

Meeehhh, that’s across the hall, I don’t feel like scrolling over to it.40 Hey look at what I found prancing through the forest at 3 in the morning.

Arwing: “Call the AARP, I’m lost.”41 Rick: “Please.  Don’t let this happen to me.  I’m just standing here.”

Arwing: *Extends tongue for maximum frenching*

Run, Rick.
42 Peace: “I uh, I’m giving up on my fool plan to save my baby.  It’s not working.  So I hope Cynthia can accept my invite to go watch some stars tonight to repair our relationship.”

You’re a master of marriage, Peace.43 Much like your father, what the shit, Happiness.

Happiness: “I think I’m finally tired of the horrid way she’s raised my family, gosh darn it!  Had I known she’d be such a cruddy wife, I wouldn’t have spent so many chapters stealing her away from Envy!  Also, I’d like to tap it with the Lisa woman, so yeah44 Well damn.  45Alien Chick’s Whose Name I Don’t Remember So Honestly Tt Would Be Easier On Me If Aliens Were Given Some Sort Of Anglicized Names For My Weak Little Earthling Speaking Brain To Remember Because I Can’t: “We did get your repeal letter in the mail asking to open your custody case back up, Peace.  It was denied for the 800th time, stop trying to contact us.”

Peace: “You come in here, on the day of my daughter’s birthday, while I hold a hammer and chisel in my hands”46 Brave: “Why would you keep inviting her in here then?”

Peace: “I don’t know a lot of people, I needed guests for my party.  Hey Briana, haven’t seen you in months and months!  How have you been doing.”

Betsy: “I’m Betsy… Briana’s my sister, remember.”

Peace: “Didn’t you just hear me, it’s been months and months.”47 Charity: “Congradulations on the birthday of my neice!  To commemorate, I brought a loaf of, um, something, time to dig in!”

Nascar: “And I brought the crushed up remains of whatever I found in the grinder at work.  Mostly meat.  Not sure of what, but it’s edible probably.”48 Loaf: “No mommy don’t put me down on the nasty table!  You can’t put me down, I refuse to let go!”

Jamie: “What”
49 It took two decades for Peace to get Justice for her birthday, so by the time he located her, the guests had mostly started their way back home.

I’ll give them the slip this time.  There’s a blizzard going on outside, no one wants to stand in that for a baby’s birthday.50 Briana: “I didn’t want to stand inside of Orange!Shrek either.  I have a hundred other things I’d rather do.”

Florida Man: “I’m enjoying myself, honestly.”51Peace: “It’s ok baby, I still love you and care.”

Jamie: “I’m enjoying the party from the living room, woo.”
52 Marlena: “What… what are you doing!  You’ve ripped out my liver!  I needed that to live!”

NASCAR

NASCAR THANK YOU SO MUCH53 Marlena: “WHOA, you’re… traveling a little far down don’t you think?!”54 Marlena: “WhoooOOAAAAaaah, only my husband and gyno should be touching on that!!”

NASCAR, no wait don’t do that ew55 Wrath: “Excuse me, Pastey.  I was promised front row center to this event for years now.  Move.”

Nascar: “Why did I have to be frozen to this exact spot at this exact time.”56 Cynthia: “Happy birthday baby!  The universe has given you the greatest birthday present ever!  The death of your crappy grandmother!”

Peace: “I couldn’t think of a better present.”57 Wrath: “This isn’t fair, I wanted to be the one that killed her.”

Nascar: “I’m the hero the Fallens deserved, but not the one they needed.”

Jaime: “No, trust me when I say we needed you sooner.”58 Wrath: “Really I don’t care.  I’d rather watch the spaghetti child grow up now.”

Fair enough.  Don’t RIP Marlena.  Don’t come back to visit.  I don’t need a ghost standing all night in the hallway for the rest of eternity.59 Peace: “Ah finally.  Now we can all sit and eat at the dinner table like a family without mom wheezing in the background near the bathroom.”

Cynthia: “It is really nice, even though we are missing a member of our family sitting here right now.  I wonder where she is.”

Peace: “;-; she’s in spac-”

Cynthia: “NOT THE ALIEN CHILD, PEACE.”60Serenity: “I don’t know why I’m out where I am at the moment, but I better hurry home before the road completely severs itself from the world and falls into the void.”

Gremlins Don’t go to Boarding School

1Baal: “Behold, everyone.  It is I, Baal, and my magic ball friend, Ball, who has been magically levitating here for six months straight!  Isn’t nature amazing.”

Look at what’s back after a 6 month hiatus!  I didn’t really have a solid reason as to why I took such a long break with the FISBI this go around.  I initially thought that I could go ahead and focus all my attention on the other legacy, finish the Rainbowcy up real quick and then get on with this one without having to juggle them, but after all the real life shit that stopped me from wanting to play altogether for a while, that didn’t get done either.  So so much for that.  I could say I hope there are no more future hiatuses, but really, at this point, there’s probably no way this is going to be the last one.  I’m sorry that this is taking so long and I just as to just bear with me as we crank this thing towards our 10 gen goal.

We shall start with a small treat to get this chapter underway.  Around December I finally had someone show me how to jack around with the CAS settings in Master Controller.  You know, I’m FINALLY getting around to learning what all MC can do and all.  After 3 or so years, you know.  So I thought what better way to get some fucked up genetics in this town by fucking up some genetics.  So one late night CAS trip and I added a beautiful new resident to live in Hidden Springs.2She’s the newest green skinned resident to live in Hidden Springs, after previously spending all her life living under a busted cooling tower.  Halfway through her construction, I thought her head looked a bit like an Arwing from Star Fox, and it kinda stuck, so since I never really gave her a name, I’ve just been calling her the Arwing monster.

The Arwing monster: *High pitched shrill screaming* 8U3 She was plopped right down into the house of the Florida Men, where she will marry Jarrett when he comes of age, and birth their vastly detailed and extraordinary future children.

Jarrett: “I’m uncomfortable with this forced and bullshit marriage”

The Arwing Monster: “Shuddup ‘n get in my bed bb”4Random Werewolf named Angela I think: “What the holy hell am I looking at”

TAM: *gasp* “U R bootyful.” :0

5 TAM: “Gimme a kissu :y”

Back the camera up, please.6 Angela: *Gets her licky on some titty*

TAM: “Yeah this is the type of attention I signed up for”

I don’t feel safe leaving her unsupervised.7Angela: “Yeah who’s a bad girl it’s meeeee”

TAM: “Plbbbbbbt”

Florida Man: “What the fuck did I walk in on happening on my newly shampooed carpet”
8 Florida Man: “Actually, you are kinda cute!  I always wanted a pet frog!  I think I’ll name you Cassidy, and keep you in the terrarium upstairs.”

TAM: :O

Ok, I’m wishing her the best of luck, and leaving the house now.

With that, the creation and installation of the Arwing monster was the last thing I did back in January, so we’re really getting back to some relatively new Fallen activity in the household.9 We start off with the actual house still sleeping and not getting the memo that the game is back on.

Textures:  *Is hibernating*

Wrath: “They’ve been snoozing for 6 months, do you really think they are going to wake up on a dime?!”

Apparently everything in the house looks sleepy, not just the sims.10 Wrath: “Ok before I start with the great joke about stuffing old people through a pencil sharpener, I’m calling to send my shitty teenage clone child to your boarding school.  I don’t actually wish it, but I’m sick of her loitering around my house breaking all my bathroom appliances, and we just got back from a 6th month vacation.  I am not dealing with this first thing off the bat.”

And with that there goes Cruelty.  Get the hell out of here.11 I SAID GO

Cruelty: “Haha, my mother’s a world class embarrassment.”

Granted it’s almost August and she’s still wearing her Halloween costume, but that’s really my fault I suppose.12 And I don’t know when or why I deleted the bottom rooms of the house (or even if it was I that did so), but WHY DID I DO THAT13 I didn’t really feel like rebuilding a room, so I made it an outside nook for Betel, if I ever allow her to come back.14 Wrath: “How do you stop a baby from drowning?  You take your foot off the back of it’s head!”

Jada: “I’m going to ignore your desperate attempts to get me to impregnate you right now to point out how lumpy your right booby is.  Get that checked out and then come talk to me again.”15 Wrath: “Aw yeah, come in here and put that wienie in my hole”

Jada: “I’m about to take this wienie off and just beat you to death with it.”16 Come on, mama needs a new genetically mixed child!17 Wrath: “I shall now write a song and serenade to my favorite bush in the whole wide world.  Not yours Jada move the fuck out of the way.  This is for you jelly belly shrub.”

Jada: “Dammit, I didn’t get to the guitar in time.  I was going to smash it before she started being an embarrassment :(“18 Cynthia: *Discusses important political matters with the dog out in the middle of a storm*

Baal: “I just wanted to play with my toy, is that too much to ask?”19 Cynthia: “Why in heaven’s name is there a soggy hot dog taking care of my baby?”

Jada: “Because the mother’s too busy being doped up acting, trying to hold a discussion with an animal out in the rain.  Don’t shit talk me while I’M taking care of your kid, k?”20 Peace: “I still think about you all the time my sweet unnamed child…”

Cynthia: “If you want to have woohoo with me, get in here already and stop dinking around out there.”21 More hunky dooby.  The easy access to pictures is a great cover for the REAL reason we got a photobooth on the lot.22 Wrath: “What does the lesbian vampire say to the other?  “Same time next month.””

Yes, lovely, Wrath.  Let’s let the baby play bouncy horse near the row of bee houses.

Wrath: “No one in this family cares.  Look at the father.  He doesn’t give a shit.”

Peace: “Once I’m done with this painting, I’ll go over there and save my child.  I need to mix my greens better first though…”
25 Wrath: “Yesss, you little shart.  Lead the bees to victory.”

Justice: “I shall be the leader this bee villa needs to succeed!”

Wrath: “When I have kids, I’m going to be a great mother.”

Cynthia: “What the…”26 Good parenting skills, Wrath.

Justice: “I think I swallowed one.”27 Jesus, WHY are you still here in the house?!  We sent you away to boarding school two nights ago!

Cruelty: “As the new bathroom goblin, I require to remain present in the bathroom at all times.”

AND BREAKING THE TUB AGAIN, I WILL DELETE YOU AND PRETEND YOU NEVER HAPPENED.28Peace: “Surprise accidental purple nurple!”

Serenity: “Really dad?  That’s immature.”29 Serenity: “MOOOOM!  Dad’s being inappropriate!”

Peace: “Don’t run off and tell on me!  It was an accidental twisting of the nipple!  This bathroom wasn’t made for two people to fit and I didn’t know you were in here!!”30 Cynthia: “This is just swell.  I’m lost in the woods again, and this time, I don’t think I can escape this desolate and dreary land.”31 Cynthia: “Oh wait, it’s just the backdrop from the Halloween party, since someone hasn’t spent the last half year cleaning this up like they were supposed to.”

Cruelty: “I don’t do fuckin’ chores around here, piss off.”32Serenity: “He followed me in here momma… help… me…”

Cynthia: “Stop scaring our child with threats of nipple twisting.  That’s illegal in most states I think.”

Peace: “It was an ACCIDENT, I swear!”33 And then Peace lost his fucking mind.

Peace: “Does this look like the face of a man that gives a rootin’ tootin’.”34 Peace: “But no wait listen, it’s gonna be a temporary break up I promise!  See, if I appear as a single father to the aliens, they will take pity on me and return Ivalice or Iguana or Iggy Azalea to us, whatever her name was.  And we can get remarried and be a whole big happy family again, Cynthia!”

Serenity: “Nope, gonna go press my face against this dimension warping radio and block out the sad stupid stuff I am hearing.”35 Cynthia: “Why my husband being so stupid.”

Cruelty: “Yesssss, domestic disturbances.  I get off on this kinda stuff.”

Why don’t you GO TO BOARDING SCHOOL ALREADY36 Cruelty: “Haha, you’re getting dumped harder than you were by your first husband!”

Peace: “Stop cruelly mocking her, Cruelty!  But yeah, Cynthia, please sign the divorce papers, ASAP so I can turn them into the Alien Childcare and Foreign Relations Department in the morning.”37 Cynthia: “Why can’t he understand that that baby doesn’t even exist anymore…”

Cruelty: “Now I’m so glad I skipped out of going to an expensive boarding school for this!”38 Peace: “I must at least try to get my daughter back!  I can’t go on my whole life knowing there is a child out there without her parents, me and you!  So I must dump you to maybe try to get her back!  It’s a flawless plan!”

Cynthia: “Can’t you just be happy with the daughters you got??”39 Serenity: *Silently sobs now that she has to pick a parent and will opt to move out with Happiness instead because both of these guys are clods*40Peace: “Why can’t she understand.  I can’t have a whole family when one of us is missing.  I must appease to the alien overlords in hopes that they see I can stand on my own, and raise my other two, in hopes they will see me fit to have my third back!  This plan must work!  It must!”

Still it’s a shitty excuse to dump your wife out of the blue like this.
41 Peace: “Nah man, I’m gonna make… peace.  We’ll fix this, and it’ll be easy to go back to the way it was before once I get my child.”

Cynthia: “I will slap you if you touch me.”42 Angela: “I chose to ignore the bullhockey downstairs with my grandchild and decided to spend the whole time making noise up here with my friend the billard table.”

She really does have a hard on for pool.43 Angela: *Attempts to use her ghosty psychic powers to cheat*

Gnome: “Nah, really I popped her in the nose with that ball.”

I don’t understand the trick trying to be done here.
44 Serenity was so sad from her parents divorce that she slept outside.  She also had no choice to do so, as there was a ghost out there, and she was scared.

Liam: “There’s no reason to be scared of me!  I can’t help it if in my ghost life stage that I grew a hunchback, I’m still the fantastic vibrate personality I always was.”

Right.
45 The exact thing you would do with your newly divorced ex upon finding out that they were leaving you to find an alien baby.

Cynthia: “Haha, you may have gone for my blind side, but you left yourself wide open!”

Peace: “Good thing we are using Cruelty’s pillows and not our own!”46 Cynthia: “WAIT, NO, I’m still made at you for divorcing me!”

Peace: “Can’t blame a man for trying…”47 Jada: “-and also while I was at work, there was a man that came in with his testicles hanging all the way out to here, and he asks for a ham sandwich, but he was being a fuckin’ obvious perv so I smacked him with our largest iron cast… are you even paying attention to my story, Wrath?!”48Wrath: “Ew gross!  What is this floating blue square of that gremlin’s face telling us that it thinks it’s still our kid?!”

Jada: “About fucking time, I swear.  We were going to launch her into the sun if she didn’t leave soon.”
49 Wrath: “Thank fuck it’s gone.  Now we can prepare room for it’s newer, better replacement!”

Jada: “It’s still part of our household, Wrath.”

Wrath: “What’s the difference between a vagina and a ziploc bag?”50Peace: “Soon I will find the home planet, and send them a strongly written encouragement letter about the safe return of my child.  I mean how many stars can I shuffle through before I find one with a life supporting planet with aliens on it?”

Surely this will end well.

Slowly Learning to do Things

1Julian: “It is time!  I finally become a man and leave the safety of my bathroom room forever!”

Cynthia: *Tries to escape getting roped into a distracting and annoying cheery animation loop and fails*

2Julian: “I thought I was supposed to grow a coat to help me survive the upcoming harsh winters.”

Cynthia: “JOHN!  Is that you?  I thought you died in a pile of garbage and IFs over at the junkyard years ago!”

3Julian finally left and instantly became a professional scuba diver, despite there not being any diving spots in Hidden Springs.  Sinking under the ground via glitches doesn’t count, but I don’t care, he’s not my problem anymore.

4Wrath: “Yes it is, since it can’t see the difference of living on the street where it belongs and living on our couch.”

Well, after I reset him, it won’t make a difference.  Goodbye Julian.  Don’t come back.

5Baal: “My fleas are holding a Marde Gras in my fur!”

6Baal: “Woo, what a party.  The festival has aged me horribly, but it was well worth it.  I’m going to go lay down and rest my weary old bones, and hope my eyeballs heal correctly.”

7Peace: “It’s so nice to no longer be carrying that mysterious baby weight I had.  As much as I miss my child, I missed holding you in my arms just as much.”

Cynthia: “And I missed this too.  Too bad we can’t go any further than this right now because of my deep seeded anger I still have towards you for accusing me of cheating.”

Forgiveness means going back to a FULL GREEN RELATIONSHIP BAR CYNTHIA, don’t make this difficult!

8Baal: “Marlena’s hungry.  She’s been bitching about it for a few hours.”

Jada: “Hopefully it will kill her, please let it happen.”

9Wrath: *Attempts to inform Jada on why her daughter was sent away to a shitty school, preferably while telling her a shitty joke, but eats her out instead*

Jada: “But this isn’t the way I wanted this to go down”

10Jada: “Your reasons of sending our stupid kid away are stupid and pointless.  Get ready for a titty down-town ground-pound.”

Wrath: “I thought I would be rewarded for sending the little hell spawn away!  This isn’t the a-tit-ention I wanted.”

11Wrath: “My wife may have given me breast cancer downstairs.  I will now take my anger out on this old bag.”

Happiness: “PLEASE NO, I STILL HAVE TO ACCOUNT HER AS MY WIFE ON MY TAXES, WRATH”

12Wrath: “No worries!  I’m out of bees, but I bought a new weather gun with my LTW points as a replacement!  Who’s ready to build a snowman?!”

Marlena: “NO, PLEASE DON’T, FROZEN REFERENCES WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LEFT BACK IN 2014!!”

13Hm.  The only thing the weather gun does is add a temporary cloud of weather.  I was kinda hoping it was automatically freeze them solid or over heat them or give them a sunburn or frost bite.  Not the torture device I thought it was.

Marlena: “EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, YOU AREN’T TRYING TO AVOID A CHILL BY RUNNING AWAY ON YOUR 120~ YEAR OLD HIPS!”

I don’t even remember how old she is anymore.  Too old.  Please leave the plane of existence already, Marlena.

14Jada: “EW.  The new baby in this house is fucking disgusting.”

That’s not a baby.  That’s a dead cat.

Jada: “I can’t tell the difference.”

15Peace: “Haha I see the local bakery has dropped by its weekly delivery!  Who’s the cakes for this time?”

Cruelty: “Who do you think they are for, you old coot?!”

16Cake: *Candles light up in Peace’s presence*

Peace: “Well darn.”

Jada: “I don’t want to hear it, he’s just becoming an adult.  Boo hoo, mid life crisis already and come rub ointment on my old joints for fuck’s sake.”

17Cynthia: “Okie dokie!  Now that my husband has run off crying about his wasted youth, along with whatever other string of events he’s always tearing up over, it’s time for our precious little princess’s big moment!”

Wrath: *Contemplates just stabbing Cynthia in the eye with the fork but then how would she eat with a nasty bloody fork, they only give sims one fork to materialize out of thin air for the rest of their lives, it would be unsanitary*

18Aaand Justice’s absolutely precious as hell.  And a great mix of genetic material too!  I almost NEVER see that in this legacy.  Although I still would like to know how two blonde parents keep pumping out black haired children.

19Do my eyes deceive me?? Wrath and Marlena… CIVIL with each other?!  Within arm’s reach of each other!

Marlena: “The lack of bees have made her safe to be around for the time being.  And I’ve also gone partially deaf in my old age, so I no longer hear her cruddy bad jokes anymore.”

20Wrath: “What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?  ‘We better get some support before someone thinks we’re nuts!'”

I am starting to think you’ve lost your mind altogether.

21Same to you!  Although you’re no longer the heir, Happiness.  I’m afraid I can’t help you.  You waited too late for me to do anything about that.

Happiness: “This ‘forever’ thing is taking forever though.”

22Peace: “Oh, the bed here is still warm where me and Cynthia were just cuddling… Oh sweet Cynthia… please actually forgive me for accusing you of slander and let me take my pants off with you again…”

Someone really just needs to focus on his kids and career right now and stop being a whiny little leg-losing baby.

23Peace: “And just spending time with my youngest… SNIFF… I should be weening two precious sweethearts right now.  I can’t, I just can’t…”

Justice: “Does he have to hopelessly sob during snack time?  Like, every single time?”

I’m afraid so.

24Baal: “I’m so desperate for food that I’ve resorted to these corpse berries in the graveyard.  Mmm, just a face full of HARAGBWLJEKGJAD *insta pukes*”

I knew to be weary of horses eating the garden, but I didn’t figure the dogs would be up in them either.

25Wrath: “And if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like that bitch hadn’t fainted at all?”

Cruelty: “We can’t just ignore it, mom.  She’s a public disgrace of our name.”

26Wrath: “How the fuck did I get out here?  I don’t work out.”

The fact that she’s doing something other than loafing around in the spot I left her in when I went to check on Peace is shocking.  Like, WOW, they are DOING stuff!

And Serenity, where are you going??

27Serenity: “RETURN TO THE TREES AND PROSPER, BELOVED WOODLAND SPIRITS” *inhales the leaf gunk*

Holy shit, WHY are you people doing things?!  You people NEVER do things on your own!

28Cynthia: “Haha, didn’t you hear, Serenity?  We really love to do things, we do all kinds of things when the computer lady isn’t watching.  We just love screwing with her head.”

Ugh, that sounds about right.

29Marlena: “Hee hee, see?  Even I do things frequently!  Instead of standing in the hallway for hours on end, I’ve decided to… stand out in the playground for hours on end!  Hah, I’m so witty!”

I hate you.

30Wrath: *Continues to absorb Jada’s face*

Jada: “And here I thought I would get no action in my old age.”

Baal: “I’m not even going to look.”

31Ahh, yes.  There’s nothing like painting the midnight sky.  Especially when said sky is fused with the lake and destroys the balance of life on earth, along with any perspective points Peace was painting.  May we all suffer little in the upcoming falling sky apocolypse.

32Peace: “She was right here… She wasn’t away from me for two minutes, and then she was gone forever… They could have at least took me to court for a custody hearing, I mean, aliens have equal rights laws, right?  Sniff sniff sob…”

Justice: “As much as I love you, dad, I want mom to come take care of me from now on.  Alright?”

33Justice: “Speaking of mom, Holy Shia Labeouf!  She’s still doing things!  It’s about time someone noticed that putt putt mat.”

Cynthia: “You know, you talk a lot for a baby that hasn’t even started learning to talk yet.  It’s really killing my focus.”

Justice: “Yeah I can tell.  You aren’t even using any of the balls.”

Peace: “Why are rocks constantly spawning on our patio?  Are we using migratory rock bait to lure them onto our property or something?”

34Marlena: “I’m still doing stuff too!  I’ve moved from the playground to the workshop shower!  I’ve been here all night!  Never tell me I’m not a busybody!”

Wrath: “I’m actually running out of serious patience and witty jokes in these situations.”

35Wrath: “Hey look.  I found more bees.”

Marlena: “WHY DO WE EVEN KEEP BEE HOUSES SINCE THIS IS ALL THEY ARE USED FOR”

36I feel like this is one of those “I hate kids”-“But you were a kid once” kind of arguments.

Marlena: “I heard he’s going through a mid life crisis and is taking it out on himself pretty hard.  That or he got into a fight with a flat screen tv.  Either way it’s a shame they called me to do something about it.  I really would hate to have to leave my spot in the hallway and let it get cold while I deal with other people’s life issues.”

37Wrath: “How do you get a baby in a mailbox?  With a stamp!”

Cruelty: “Oh fuck.  She found where we hid her shitty joke books.”

Along with a phonebook because it’s time to throw a party!

38It’s a Halloween party, so you can tell how late this chapter was supposed to be posted.

Alien Chief Gordon Ramsey: “Wow, that is the most accurate Shrek costume I’ve ever seen!”

Florida Man: “I’m… not even in costume…”

39Cruelty: “Well someone is going to have to change.”

Cynthia: “And as the elder, I don’t have to!  Haha, yaay, it’s so much fun to be an adult, finally!”

Cruelty: “Bullshit.”

40Wrath: “Hey, twiddlefuck.  Wearing your work uniform to a costume party is NOT a costume.  Lazy ass gets 14 bees.”

Cruelty: “And if you change into another damn cheerleader outfit, I’m going to throw more than bees at you.”

41Betsy: “Hey Peace!  It’s been a long time since I’ve last been here!  I have good news for you!  You and mama are going to be grandparents!”

Peace: “Actually it’s only been a couple of days…”

Betsy: “Grandbabies, Peace!  Grandbabies!

42Happiness: “You do know the dance floor is on the other side of the wall, right?”

Alien Idontknowhername: “Wrath invited me to her holloween party because she thought it would be nice for me to finally meet the man that carried one of our recent experiments for 9 months.  He sobbed the second I came in the door.  Wrath thought it was hilarious, but I have to stand back here because every time Peace sees me he bursts out in tears and it’s annoying.”

Wrath: “I like my women like I like my cereal 😉 in small boxes stored in the pantry.”

44Wrath: “Woohooo!  Time to hike up to the bedroom, I’m about to make dick jokes.”

Jada: “Who gave me this costume?  This was a terrible life decision.”

45Florida: “Lamest party ever.”

Loyalty: “I won’t say anything about my family’s party.  But yawns are contagious.  And more fun.  Yawn with us Cruelty.”

Cruelty: “I should have gone to the school with my sister and avoided this hell.”

46

Brave: *Shows up 4 hours late with no Starbucks*

Peace: “She wasn’t even invited.  Definitely still not invited if she’s going to wear the same thing I did.”

Baal: *breaks neck in feeble attempt to leave*

47Cynthia: “MY FLOOR!  HOW ON EARTH CAN ONE SMELLY HIPPIE ZOMBIE MAKE THIS MUCH MOISTURE IN ONE MINUTE”

Happiness: “I may have contributed to the puddle.  You don’t know.  There is no proof of it.”

48Brave: “Party was shit.  Bye mom.”

Happiness: “Thanks for at least stopping by and leaking all over the floor, dear.  Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”

Cynthia: “And since it was your child, you people get to mop up tonight.  Ugh.  My clean floors.  It hadn’t even been clean for one whole day…”

49Happiness: “Now this is what I’m talking about!  Winter is finally in the air, and everything is covered in a beautiful layer of icy crystal.  Everything is so beautiful when it glitters.  Just like me!”

50Cynthia: “Look, Peace!  I still know how to do stuff!  Learning how to do things is fun!”

Peace: “If only my child could learn to go to the bathroom instead of playing games in the backyard though.  I’m going to close my eyes and pretend she didn’t just pee all over the patio.

Maybe they’ll still be moving around and doing things the next time I get back to these guys.  Who knows.  I’m so used to broken games I wouldn’t be surprised if they all stand collectively in one spot and do nothing for the rest of their lives the next time I open this game.