Roderick: “Do you think your dad should leave before we assume the sex positions?”
Anguish: “Honey, my dad knows better and if he DOESN’T leave before we fornicate, that’s on him and I’m not even going to apologize.”
Alright so I KNOW I have THREE whole set of twins in this house, BUT, here me out, I’m still going to attempt to have a single child. Because, I don’t know. I’m DETERMINED at this point for no advantageable reason.Love: “So I was thinking, dearie… one more child. Just one. SURELY I’m running low on egg supply at this point and SURELY an odd number of children is just as appealing to you as it is to me, correct?”
Reynaldo: “……….”Love: “I knew you would come around to the idea of it, dear.”
Reynaldo: “………..”Love: “Well then, shall I assume the position?”
Love: “Really dear, do say something or I’ll have to call your doctor again.”
Love: “Hey wait, who’s rocking the bed, its not me and Reynaldo, we haven’t even started”
Reynaldo: “……….Wait, your MOTHER just died is this REALLY a time for thinking about making an add on”After whichever ghost stopped rocking the bed, Reynaldo actually hopped out of Hope’s bed in the other room. That’s skill.
Reynaldo: “No, that’s FEAR, please don’t let me impregnate her again I can’t live with any more multiples”
We aren’t going to HAVE more multiples, shut UPSo going back to recap, we recently added not one, but TWO new sets of twins in the house, bringing the total of children to six altogether. That’s six babies, six bonehildas, and six cats. I’m just gonna lock one of each in a room and let them fight it out.
Hope died and Reynaldo got RIPPED and then kissed on Roderick because he has like 4 braincells and they’re frequently on vacation apparently. But he and Love worked it out. Anguish straight up didn’t even give a shit.
Charbroiled Betel: “I wish someone gave a shit about me. Cared that I fried myself serving this family. I put my undead body on the line for them and how do they thank me? By locking the liquor cabinet on me. I’ve never felt such betrayal.”
Metatron: “Yeah yeah yeah, all I hear is a whiny baby boohooing all over my nap time. Go into the yard with that smut.”Reynaldo: “I’m so glad you could make it, Pandemic. It’s Hope. She… she died last chapter. I’m so sorry man.”
Pandemic: “Wait. She didn’t… she didn’t get turned into this chili did she?!”Pandemic: “I’M GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! THEY TURN PEOPLE INTO CHILI!! FUCKING RUN!!”
No they don’t, Pan, they turn people into frogs, completely different cuisine. Moving on.Julian?: “A TART SUCH AS YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER SHOWN THEIR FACE HERE TODAY”
Definitely Eliza: “Why do you people keep bullying me”Wait. Do you STILL have those dicked up tattoos, Rage?
Rage: “I don’t think they were ever fixed in the first place. I literally never got my legacy tattoo like I was supposed to.”
Probably. Damn I don’t even recall who all even got the tat anymore or where. It’s been too many years, I can’t keep up with that anymore.ROXY! The cat I had Roderick abandon with the rest of the Fallen family!! How’s it be doing, babe?
Roxy: “I wish for you to have die.”
You look like you’re at least eating well, so that’s great.Speaking of cats, looks like it’s birthday time for the mother of the bulk of the hoard!
Metatron: “Huh? Hm. I guess so.”
Yeah.Roderick: “How could you do this to ME?! You’ve BETRAYED ME!! Betrayed my TRUST in you!! I will never forget this, you monster!!”
Reynaldo: “The fruit fly on a papaya is even the dealio banana peelio now”Game, can you
JUST LET MY SIMS LIVE THEIR LIVES WITHOUT YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SLANDERLove: “Well he might also be just pissed off because we decided to rock it in his and his wife’s bed instead of ours.”
Reynaldo: “Now that’s what I call kinky 2021!”The woo-humpy-hoo Anguish and Roderick had at the beginning of the chapter paid, off, we have a new, HOPEFULLY SINGLE baby on the way. Either way. This is the last of Anguish’s pregnancies. It has to be.
Reynaldo: “OH COME ON! SHE’S PREGNANT AGAIN?! WE CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS WE ARE BUSTING AT THE SEAMS!!”
Ooh I don’t want to hear it out of you Reynaldo, as we all did not hear the jingle come out of you and your wife’s loins from the bedroom earlier yourselves.Besides, raising babies is easy. OF COURSE. It’s not like the toddler toilets bugged out on Mercy and Joy and every time I use one I can’t reuse it at all for some fucking reason! And now the house has MULTIPLE BACKUPS, NO THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I WANTED THE NURSERY TO LOOKAnguish: “Husband! Embrace me! I demand kisses and smoochies and romantic cuddling on this date to give me that warm buttery feeling I crave, but without the butter.”
Roderick: “Woman! Not right now! I’m still reeling from the death of your distant and unknown house cousin and the betrayal of my, whatever he was to me. Talking orange. Yeah that guy.”Anguish: “…”Anguish: “You did this to yourself.”
Roderick: “Wait.”Roderick: “How could you do this to me!! I’m the father of your gremlins!!”
Well no one said you had to be a dickhead today.Lady Frog: “CAN YOU BELIEVE FUCKING CUSTOMERS?! LOOK AT THE MASSIVE SIZE OF THAT MESS IN THERE!! IF ANY OF YOU THINK I’M EVEN GOING NEAR THAT SHIT I QUIT NOW”
Garret: “Oh. We really did move into the wrong town didn’t we…”Reynaldo: “Oh! I found this is my back pocket earlier! I guess it’s just that time of the month for me!”
So soon for my little buddy 😦Reynaldo: “Witness me, door! I’m off to be a man now!!”Reynaldo: “Ooops I messed around and got rheumatoid arthritis.”
Rage: “It’s so nice to finally have someone my age to hang with again. To bad talk our children’s life decisions and braid each other’s hair with.”Happiness: “So… frog now huh? Look there ain’t nothing wrong with that. You can totally go into show business with that get up. Make all kinds of scrap like that. The entertainment business LOVES freaks of nature, man. Look at me! All these years and I still get all my royalty checks almost a century later.”
Roderick: “What was that? I didn’t hear what you said, I don’t fucking have ears”Ah yes. Baby time for Love now.
JUST ONE PLEASE LOVE I BEGRoderick: “Wife? Do you think, one day, I can at least return to a normal life? The lack of eyelid function is really putting a damper on actually getting some sleep and your sheets suck all the moisture out of this hell skin and I turn into a dry clump every 17 minutes. I can’t live like this…”
Anguish: “Zzz, yes Pandemic that was totally the thickest Harry Potter book I powerslammed on your head…”Anguish: “Ah the searing blinding pain of child birth! Good thing I wore a bathing suit to bed last night. I knew I’d be swimming in it this morning!”
Yeah yeah. Hop’spital time, ma’am.Anguish: “Alright. Here’s your spud. His name is Mischief. He likes Latin and a good crisp autumn salad. His favorite color is black. He’s a neurotic slob, but that’s his problem. Maybe he wouldn’t be neurotic if he wasn’t so damn messy. You think he ever thinks about the consequences of his actions? No. He does not.”
Mischief: *The dead pan stare of a .02 second old baby that already knows what suffering his future holds*Anguish: “OH and his twin sister Mayhem tee hee hee hee~”
WHO SPIKED WHAT IN THE MIDNIGHT HALLOW WATER
Roderick: “Don’t look at me my experiments never left the basement. Well they did but”
Mayhem is actually the second Black Sheep of the family. That’s right, another good child on the wrong side. She also loves the outdoors, so if she were one of Zoe’s sidewalk babies, she would have had a blast. She likes dark wave music, and like her brother, she also likes autumn salad and the color black.Of course. Always a nice sight to walk back home to from the nusery window.
Zoe, Angela, and Agony: *having a heated debate about Bigfoot conspiracy twitter accounts*
Marlena: “Hee hee the wall does the funny color thingie :)”Hysteria: “Who wants to hang with a group of total geeds when they could be out here losing their unlife savings to my sick trickshots, don’t you think, Secretariat?”
Wild Horse: “WHOAH SOMEONE MOP THIS NASTY FLOOR”
Really, do the horses HAVE to bug out in this save too?Since the newborns both share their love for the color black, Mayhem and Mischief get the all-goth baby room. Honestly with the Midnight Hollow window scenery in the yard, this room actually slaps.Oh hey Jealousy. How are you doing, huh? Starting up the Keurig I see. Not sure why a ghost even needs coffee in the first place and OH GOD, SOMEONE LET SIX CAKES IN THE HOUSEReynaldo: “A froggie!! There’s a frog in the house again, Love!! Hop hop!! Can you do a hop hop for me, little buddy?”
Roderick: “Anguish said I’m not allowed to do bone saw experiments on other residents in the house, but when she’s not looking I’m TOTALLY making you an exception.”Anguish: “Good thing I enjoy looking at the trimming of my cabinets.”
Lucien: “Hold up, before you start. Let me get loaded up on your entire vodka supply. I need something to numb up what is probably going to be the longest birthday ritual of my life.”So far baby Valor doesn’t stand out as much as his older sisters, not to me anyway. But he does have a nudging of his father’s eyebrows going on.Next up is Anguish’s own child, Pain.
Love: “Wooo go Pain!”
Anguish: “Cab in net.”WHOOO that glare. I think I’m going to like this child.
Pain: “Death becomes you soon.”
Lucian: “Honey I’m already cursed as an anthromorphic frog. Death cannot come sooner.”Awh fuck. I ran out of time for the day for all the cakes. The other kids are S.O.L.
Joy: “It’s ok because I enjoy the company of my buddy, Muriel! Isn’t that right?”
Muriel: “My cat tree smells like fart.”Muriel: “Sorry did you say something?”
Joy: “The sparkles are sharp and pointy :)”Joy: “Tada! I am a magical girl now.”
You’re something. Joy grew up a technophobe, which means now she hates being outdoors AND she hates being near electronics. Gonna have a hard time finding anything this child enjoys to do.Mercy: “Swoooooosh”And we got child Mercy. She’s now a slob though. Fantastic. Gonna go great with all the couch sitting she’s going to be doing as well now.Panic: “I have the company of the turrets, I’m fine.”
At least you’re not alone.Got the Zoe throwback on this one. Honestly, I like her a lot, the honey blonde goes with her tones a lot better than Anguish’s sandy blonde did with her.
Panic: “Me friend. You know shoot friend.”
Turret: “Considering.”Honor: *Cranks out some fast crunches before birthday poofing*
Anguish: “My daughter was better than this one. We should have stopped after her birthday. We have no need for the rest of them now.”
Anguish’s back flea: “MUSH”Last to age up is baby Honor. If I could have clones, I feel she’d be Love’s, but there’s something unique about her, something almost even cuter than when her mother was a baby. I think I like her.Anyway. GOD I DON’T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT BABY SKILLING, I DON’T WANT TO, I DON’T WANT TO BE IN THIS ROOM, Y’ALL SHOULD BE ON YOUR OWNI’ll end with Rage and Pandemic in the kitchen. It’s at least quiet in here for the time being. I need the quiet. It will help me survive the impending suffering.
Rage, the parties are over you can stop now.
Rage: “Must…blow…for…each…child… must… blow… til… death…”
Betel 1: “Soooo, we just gonna ignore the puddle on the far side of the kitchen huh?”
Betel 2: “I didn’t cause it.”
Betel 3: “I didn’t cause it either!”
Betel 1: “Uh huh…”
Last chapter we saw Roderick and Anguish become engaged, and get married. Anguish turned Pandemic into a frog. Pandemic ate a baby chick in response. And Joy and Mercy had their toddler birthdays.After Anguish’s wedding, I realized Reynaldo wasn’t even home. Somehow he snuck off to the gym to play guitar. Why or how, I don’t know.Reynaldo: “Oh! I thought I recognized that familiar twanging. I didn’t think Happiness tagged along with me!”
Neither did I. Must have been a mutual “avoid-the-wedding” thing.Anguish: “Thanks for joining me out here, daddy! I figured with two of us, we could shock this thing into standing back up straight. I’m tired of it looking like an erection from the kitchen window every morning.”
Rage: “Yeah sure and all but couldn’t you have taken a bath before we came out here? You’ve been wearing that wedding dress for almost two days now haven’t you…”Weather Stone: “YOU HAVE APPEASED ME… FOR THIS, I GRANT YOU THE BOONE… MOUNTAIN DEW RAIN!!”
Anguish: “That’s neat! I guess. Green’s cool but Code Red version would have been much more cooler.”Rage: “Oh, you’re coming home with me, buddy?”
Horse: “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, dude. Figuratively.”
Anguish: “No dad, you got to speak his language to get on his good side. Ahem… NEIGGHHHHHFURGGFURGUFFUGFFF”
Horse: “What the fuck”Where on God’s green earth are you even going now, Anguish?!
Anguish: “Uh, home???? Can you not tell??”
No??????Exactly… how did you deduce that from her crawl space…
Anguish: “Her floor tiles taste expensive.”Love: “Alright. I know one of you is sneaking around this bar way too much. This isn’t what I hired you guys for, you know.”
Blue Betel: “You didn’t even hire us at all.”
Black Betel: “Honestly it’s not us, it’s the ghost haunting the kitchen I swear!”
Marlena: *Drinks nervously*Oh!! YES? I will take any boost any where I can get, please!PERFECT. I worried about her for a while there, but Hope pulled through in the end. Now I only have to worry about Rage. I know I said I had faith on him early on but I jinxed myself apparently because now he’s the one struggling to hit his LTW. Only time will tell now.Hope: “Hello everyone! I just got off work to tell you they finally promoted me to that creature cross bre-GOODNESS GLACIERS what in the HECK did you do to yourself”
Reynaldo: “Did you know there are treadmills at the gym?? I know, it shocked me too. Shocked the fat right out of my system.”REYNALDO. I only left you at the gym for ONE DAY.
Reynaldo: “I know right? I should look at treadmills more often.”Reynaldo: “Let’s celebrate with ten rounds of shots!!”
Of course you would.Love: “Yes! I hit the jackpot! I’m so excited to have such a beefcake for a husband!!”
Reynaldo: “Yes! Though I hope you still love me for who I am and not for what I look like now… my metabolism is extinct and I’ll probably regain weight after this two week bar binge I’m about to get started on…”Love: “Oh my darling. I always loved you for who you are. To me, you were always my beefcake, before, now, and in the future.”
Reynaldo: “That makes me happy.”Betel: “Oh girls. Heed my warning, and when you grow up, get you a GOOD paying job. Don’t do what I did in my youth. You’ll regret it if you get stuck like me, doing ungodly things in back alleys only to get murdered under a by pass and forced to clean toilets in the afterlife to legacy familes for the rest of eternity. Trust me, the money was good but it was just not worth it.”
Mercy: “Um, yeah we’llw wemember dat Ms. Betelw…”Anguish: “Hey uh… Hope please let your daughter know the pipes are busted again. Also let her know that I was never in here. Cool? Thanks.”
Hope: “I’ll be sure to give her the word.”Sabrina: “I’m pretty sure if we didn’t pack these umbrellas when we moved, there would be absolutely no color in this town, you know? Good thing I picked these up at the last Walmart before we ended up in this dead county.”
Rosalina: “You can say that again, mother.”
And then my simself went home and died, so much for even moving her in the first place if she was going to tank in under a week.Love: “I can’t sleep in here anymore!!”
Sigh. Why not.
Love: “Because that creepy bone maid put her hands all over my bed sheets and it’s weird and I don’t like it and I’d rather go pass out somewhere if this doesn’t get resolved soon!”
Ok… so now sometimes the Bonehildas are breaking my beds for the sims after making them up? Why can’t I just have normal bone maids…Moving on, Baby Roderish is on the way! Got worried for a second there.
Anguish: “Can’t wait to get FAT for youuuuuu~”And like two hours later, Love also popped and baby number three for her is on the way! I know Mercy’s already heiress and Joy makes a swell back up, but I felt that was too easy. The good side has been… too good to me in my opinion and I feel I just want another baby, another opportunity for a good rival to the throne. Give me a challenge, game!Anguish: “I’m going to join you in celebration, Reynaldo! I think it’s time for a round of my special concotion of Mystery Smirnoffs, don’t you think?!”
Reynaldo: “Howddfu… mmmHOW’D I get back’th’… florida…”You’re still doing magic, I see, Hope. That’s good.
Hope: “Gives me something to do.”
Could be more productive but I’m not going to be choosy.Reynaldo: “Alright, ready to take it up from the top… Ahem. It’s FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY~”
Angela: “Everybody’s working on the weekend~ weekend~”
Reynaldo: “Nooooo, no one is working on the weekend, Angela! That’s the point of getting down on friday!”Happiness: “Hey Mercy, your dad is screaming in my room and I can’t sleep, do you mind if I sucked all the living life out of that drunkard so I can take a nap? Surely you won’t mind. Cool, thanks.”
Black Betel: “I think you can surely see that she’s busy being possessed by some floor demon to answer you, right?”
Mercy: “Da fwoor demon is gwandma, but you might not be totawwy wrong…”
Ok I may have spoke too soon about not being productive, but not like this.Reynaldo: “Ah, my baby chick friends. Seeing your smiling beaks every morning gives me the strength that I will one day use to kick my drinking habit. All for you, my baby chicky friends.”
Don’t ask me what the hell Ifrit is doing. Usual possessed cat things I guessed.AHA. Busted. I KNEW at least one of you was hocking the hooch in here.
Blue Betel: “Look I need something to take the pain off this bum leg. You try living the unlife on one femur after the kitchen counters obliterate it.”
Black Betel: “Yeah but can’t you take it outside? You’re ruining the linoleum in here!”
Sigh.You know what. Since half of them seem to be drawn to the bar, I think it might help to balance out the workload with, oh, just one or three more Betels. Why not.Red Betel: “Oh great. Now we ALL take turns bugging out the bed sheets, huh?”
Black Betel: “The trick is to tuck the sheets in so tightly that the family can never use them ever again! They will exhaust themselves to death and can join us in the growing army of bone maids!”
That does explain things actually.Anguish: “This art piece speaks to me. It’s so soft, and so reminiscent of young innocence. I can totally vibe to this piece.”
Cecelia: “WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY COMPLEXTION”Black Betel: “OH! I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there! I was totally not fawning over the handsome orange man of the house. Totally not me. Why would I ever do that? That’s so silly!”
Roderick: “Eh don’t worry about it. To be honest, now that he’s totally ripped, honestly? I’d bear his children too if I could.”
Surely I don’t have to be here to listen to this stuff.And then I looked away and came right back to this absolute, and may I say, utter, BULLSHIT
YOUR WIVES, I’m sorry, YOUR VERY PREGNANT WIVES, ARE LITERALLY RIGHT THERE BEHIND YOU TWO
Anguish: “Why is your pet clementine monster kissing on my naked husband”
Love: “Um….. I’unno lol”Anguish: “You know what…. this is totally that fucking cat’s fault. I’m going to go yell at it.”
…Really…Love: “Yeah. You’re totally right. Who does that stray cat think he’s fooling. How dare he do this in my house. I’ll join you on that, Anguish.”
WHAT DOES THE CAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHINGOh. Apparently they’re lining up to yell at this stray cat that’s having door trouble.Stray: “I am but a simple kitty cat. I cannot open doors for I have no thumbs.”
I suppose that’s true…Stray: “Also I tried to take a big pee pee on your tree and they won’t let me.”
Reynaldo: “And that’s why you’re a bad cat. Very bad cat. Go to your room.”Happiness: “Yeah! Completely bad! Horrible, even! The worst cat! We should adopt you into this household! That’ll really teach you a lesson.”
Roderick: “I actually have a better idea. ANGUISH! Fetch me the baseball bat!”
Stray: “OH GOD PLEASE JUST SOMEONE OPEN THE DOOR AND I’LL LEAVE!”Black Betel: “I actually think the cat is starting to have a mental break down about leaving now guys…”
Metatron: “Something’s really fishy about that cat, but. You know. Whatever. ZZzZ”
The game found the cat and reset it back out of the house shortly afterwards.Happiness: “Thank goodness that’s been taken care of. Now we can go back to our regular and normal lives.”
Reynaldo: “Yeah. Raising babies, working, making cocktails by the pool with the baby chicks-”
Love: “Wait a minute I’M MAD AT YOU FOR KISSING RODERICK AFTER ALL”Love: “But luckily I have thought and reasoning on my side. We can surely talk through this error and fix our marriage and live on with our lives!”
Reynaldo: “Dear Shiva, if you can hear me, please smite my wife for me. For I do still love her, I reaallllyyyyy don’t want to have this cheesy conversation with her. Thank you. Amen.”Love: “Now Reynaldo. I know you sometimes have one of those weird brain moments that make you react oddly, and surely that moment with Roderick didn’t mean anything to you, you were just having a spell, right?”
Reynaldo: “I guess so.”
Love: “Good! Then it will never happen again and we can go on with our lives like normal! I love it when things work out.”Love: “Did you hear that grandpa! Everything is fine between me and my husband! We’re going to be fine again now!”
Reynaldo: “I actually think the baby chicks would probably prefer margaritas today”
Happiness: “Hahaha, I’m in the nut house aren’t I”Hope: “Fairies? In my colon? It’s more likely than you think?”
Ouch. It’s that time for someone 😦Happiness: “Nooo. My descendent. This sucks I guess.”
Rage: “A shame. A damn shame this is.”
Roderick: “…Why do you even have a bird tree in here, you don’t even have a bird.”Rage: “Ah well. No skin off my nose.”
Happiness: “Really dude. Aren’t you like. Her boyfriend now or something?”
Rage: “Yeah but. You know. It’s cool I guess.”
Hope: “Oh thanks for nothing then.”
Rest in peace, Hope. Your REAL love is waiting for you on the other side at least.Anyway. BABY TIME. BUST THAT PLACENTA WIDE OPEN FOR US GURL
Anguish: “HURRG ME TRYING”Love: “Oh. I do believe I also have busted water all over the floor.”
Reynaldo: “Oh shoot. Want me to fetch one of the non-drunk bonehildas for that?”
Roderick: “If you allow me to fetch one of my “special” forceps I can pop that sucker out for you myself in no time…”
Don’t you have a wife to meet at the hospital yourself, Roderick??Oh shit. TWINS? Again??? The fuckin’ odds of that happening.
Anguish: “Please, I just wanted one to ignore…”
The baby Anguish has is baby Pain, and Roderick has baby Panic. Technically both are a set I thought was cute too, after the little imp assholes from the Disney Hercules movie.
These two little shits have been living rent free in my head since 1997.
Pain is already locked in as HEIRESS, with her evil trait, and INSANE. Because UGHN. It’s fine though whatever. Songwriter music, veggie burgers and of course, HOT PINK. GOD I LOVE HOT PINK.
Panic is perceptive and hates the outdoors. She likes island life music, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and the color turquoise I JUST REALIZED THEIR FAVORITE COLORS MATCH THEIR NAMESAKES. WHAT ARE THE FUCKING ODDS.Anguish: “Oh hey. Fancy meeting you here! I got the birthing table all warmed up for you and everything!”
Love: “Oh. Thanks I… guess.”Roderick: “And if you know what’s good for you, you won’t go and have another set of twins. I’m serious. I’m dead fucking serious.”
Love: “Oh? Now surely, what would be the odds on that, Roderick?”Love: “Oops.”
OOPS???? THE FUCK, LOVE, ANOTHER SET OF TWINS?!? I JUST WANTED ONE MORE
I WAS NOT PLANNING FOR SIX TODDLERS RUNNING AROUND THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW
UGUGGGHHHH Love has baby Valor. He hates the outdoors like Panic, and he is clumsy. His favorites are latin music, yellow, and pancakes.
Reynaldo has Honor. Unlike her brother and cousin she loves the outdoors, and she’s a heavy sleeper. Favorites are blue, veggie burgers, and country music.
Please send aid.While I did give them color coordinating nurseries on the appropriate sides of the house, I don’t give a shit where the sims put the babies. They won’t do it right anyway. I’ll do good to keep this house in order even with the good computer. This is the “Pain and Panic nursery”. There are hints of science technology in here to influence them as they grow because I feel that’s what their father would want.Valor and Honor get more actual baby skill toys because I feel like their parents would actually give a shit about those kinds of things.
I think I’ll about end this chapter here on that note.But first, the fuck did you even get into Betel… how did you even do that to yourself…
Really Black Betel: “It may sting like a bitch but at least I have a nice buggy liver to actually store alcohol in now.”Love: “Well I HATE it because she touched on my bed again! I can’t sleep knowing she got her soot prints on my bed this time!”
Can you NOT, Love, I can’t replace that shit anymore with that same bed every time the bone maids touch your damn sheets!!
THE FOLLOWING IS NOT PART OF THE LEGACY. THIS IS A TEST.
Anguish: “Now hold still and stop squirming. You’re just a guinea pig in my mad scheme of… scheminess.”
Orthopox: “O…ok, but please be gentle.”Anguish: “Ack, death! Be but a cold mistress. So cold! And oddly so ticklish, I didn’t expect this sensation at all.”
Orthopox: “WAIT, you were TRYING TO OFF YOURSELF?! NOOOO, ANGUISH!! You have so much to LIVE FOR!”Anguish: “Ah yes. It’s not easy being green, in life OR death.”
That’s all I wanted to see. I heard that a haunting curse backfiring can result in an interesting ghost and figured when am I ever going to get a witch with the skill anytime soon again. Personally this ghost is really cute! I like the little decals floating around her stomach.
Alright, back to the real game, we forget this ever happened.
*RECORD SCRATCH*Alright so last chapter we had Love give birth to Mercy and Joy, Mercy already being the shoe-in heiress for next generation. Anguish had to break it off with Happiness for some nasty reason, and hooked up with Roderick, after making him break up with Eliza for his own nasty reason. He’s now in the house. In the end, Love and Reynaldo got married, and Eliza is now freezing to death in the backyard where she didn’t want to leave after the party.
Good for her.Eunice: “Oh. And I see I’m still haunting her vagina. This is just FUCKING great. This is how I wanted to spend my next few years in Purgatory, sure fucking love this!”
Eliza: *Trying to channel her inner wood frog*Edgardo: “Oh shit, sorry Anguish! Didn’t know you were in here trying to take a shower. My bad. But nice rack, my child. Nice rack indeed.”
Anguish: “Uber great grandpa why”Anguish: “I just got done chunking my dead ancestor through the wall, don’t think I won’t do the same for you if you won’t let me take my shower in peace.”
Happiness: “Sorry, Anguish. But I really needed to come browse the bathroom fixtures. You never know. I might be interested in buying this light fixture in here.”
Anguish: “But, you dumbass, we already OWN the fixture!”
Needless to say, the family had been constantly “browsing” the furniture since the house was built and it just took me until recently to realize it was the new rugs that came with Midnight that was triggering this “browsing” queue the sims were getting. I ended up deleting them.Off in town, I must say, the science facility in this town is 100% the shit.
Not sure how they even climb up to the observatory tower but the aesthetic of this place slaps.Anguish: “I followed you to work Roderick because I wanted to let you know how much I think you’re cool and I like being around you a lot and stuff.”
Roderick: “And I tolerate you greatly too, Anguish. Ever since you cursed me to to do so. That shit’s worn off, but I still think you’re pretty swell, so you know, that’s something to consider.”Anguish: “And that is why I want you to marry me, Roderick! I don’t care if you still don’t love me or whatever, we can still reap the benefits of claiming each other as dependents on our tax refunds this year and every year after!”
Roderick: “Oh my God, no way! Are you serious, I can’t believe this!”Roderick: “Yes I will definitely marry you! I’m going to get such a massive refund because of you this year!”
Anguish: “I’m so happy to hear that!”Anguish: “Moving on, I’m not even going to point out how half-assed and unfinished the gate is at the pond. That’s a you problem, not mine.”
Roderick: “…Does my head really look like a lit lightbulb…”Anguish: “What better way to celebrate my upcoming prenuptials with some good old fashioned FROG MAKING!!”
Samantha: “WHY DON’T YOU JUST HAVE A BACHELORETTE PARTY LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AND LEAVE ME ALONE!”
Anguish: “Oh, and that! That too.”Roderick: “So you’re my future brother in law huh? Hey, you know I can fix that issue of your tongue clipping out through your chin. All it’ll take is a simple procedure where I go in and saw your tongue all the way out of your mouth! What do you say? I’ll do it free for family!”
Averice: “Gonna say I’ll have to pass. And I hope to never see you again after today.”Avarice: “Sister! I have brought you a gift, for your upcoming wedding! It’s vintage, something I’ve held onto for such a ceremonious occasion such as this!”
Anguish: “Oh that’s… what’s that word they describe you as? Kind? I think that’s the word.”Avarice: “I hope you’re not the type of witch that melts when wet, sister!!”
Anguish: “AaahahaGlubGlub!!”Anguish: “Oh Avarice…”
Avarice: “Wait no that’s not the type of melting I was referring to, can I have a do-over”Anguish: “And as for you-“
Pandemic: “This is BULLSHIT! It should be ME that should be the ruler of this household!! Not some apeshit witch-ass fuckbrain like yourself, only because you were “mommy’s favorite”! Go fuck yourself!! What was I supposed to do to rule this household, steal a new face for myself or something?!”
Anguish: “Oh you’re definitely asking for it now!”Anguish: “Well he did say he wanted a new face.”
He did ask for it.
Pandemic: “WHAT IN THE FRENCH FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME”And just as the party started, the fucking game decided that “this house is still a store :B” and “closed” the house for the day.So everybody, including the Fallens, had to FUCKING LEAVE
Pandemic: “I knew this party was going to be absolute dogshit.”
It was because I forgot a door that still registered the house as a “shop”. This game is dumb.Good to see that the stripper, of all people, were still allowed to come in and go through with the party
Midnight Hollow’s Jack Hammer: “Hey baby, I got paid for a job and I’m going to finish it, even if this Dollar General is closed for the day!”Hope: “So uh… would you guys say you are better than The Beetles?”
Lucien: “Fuck your party, lady.”
Karl: “I don’t know, I’m still having a pretty good time myself.”Dan: “Oh man! Everyone was right! I really DO attract all the chicks!!”
Eliza: “OH MY FUCKING SHIT, A CORNER”Hey wait. THE FUCK, PANDEMIC, DON’T EAT MY FUCKING BABY CHICKS
Pandemic: “Mmm, the best kind of chicken tenders”In the end, at least someone at this shit party is having fun.Well, was. Damn, Dan. You didn’t have to MURDER him. I still need him to father some babies before you annihilate his scrawny little frame!
Dan: “Sorry. Sometimes I don’t know my own strength.”Ah. Well. Party sucked that badly huh. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone actually get this moodlet before.
Anguish: “Like I give a shit. I’m so jacked from getting married, they can suck my bridezilla ass.”Reynaldo: “UGH! Who told this horrible furniture it could move into this house?! Was it me?! DANG IT me!! Die for this!!”
I’m more curious on how Muriel got the hell way up there.Love: “Darn it, Anguish. If you’re going to use the appliances to work on your skills to be the very best, like no one ever was (duhn duhn DUHN) at least avoid breaking the pipes every 6 hours. This overthinking the pipes back into existence isn’t as easy as you think it is.”
Anguish: “Look hoe, witchin’ ain’t easy.”Oooh, is it already that time for the babies! Let’s go!
Hope: “…Maybe these overhead cabinets were a bad idea, guys.”Time to see just at what kind of genes these two are able to bring to the table!OOF them eyebrows are coming through.
This is Joy.Alright, Heiress in question’s turn!
Hope: “Doesn’t anyone else want to sniff these cabinets besides me for once?”
Love: “Honestly? Yeah I should have done that instead. Dang grandpa use some Degree won’t you?!”And Mercy has more angry eyebrows! You can also tell the difference between her and Joy by the fact that she also has her father’s gigantic ears.Anguish: “Now that the celebratories are over, do we HAVE to live in a sea of stale cake now?”
Rage: “You’re a better witch than I ever was, Angie! Why don’t you just use your powers and whisk the mess away?”Anguish: “I have a better idea. How about instead of that, we, for the 800th time, give the ole’ bone maid a go, eh? Someone in this house wanted one a while back anyway!”
Happiness: “I actually believe it was me that wanted one but no one listens to my wishes anymore :(“So Betel is back! Better computer, surely a better Bonehilda right?
Or THREE of them!!YEAH THIS WILL COMPLETELY WORK, NO PROBLEMAnyway, new day, time for the wedding.Anguish: “As hilarious as I think it would be to see you come down the aisle in a speedo, do not strip down to your swimwear on the night of our wedding or I will strip you to your boney core, please.”
Roderick: “While the probability of me taking all my clothes off in the middle of your ceremony in front of all your family and frogs are incredulously slim, I’m afraid I’m going to have to tell you that the probability will never be zero, dear Anguish.”Anguish: “Wait! Don’t tell me the only one that showed up to my wedding is my best friend Cedwick :(“
Cedwick: “Bitch, I’m hardly your friend. I’m only here because you threatened to turn me into a nematoid if I didn’t show up to this stupid thing at all!”Percy: “Never have I ever been so happy to be a werewolf and therefore immune to witch spells.”
Odessa: “That’s hardly fair.”
I know. After all that’s happened, Percy is one of the ones I would have loved to turn into a frog.Anguish: “Alrighty, are you ready to get married?”
Roderick: “Oh, we already are. I’ve already signed the paperwork and submitted it for legal processing. The only reason we are having this gaudy ceremony is for the pleasure of your family and friends at an unreasonable expense that I can only imagine what you all had to do to get the money for, for no other reason than to garnish attention and waste resources to-“
I have no idea who this is anymore. Frog groomsman: “SHUT UP AND MARRY HER SO I CAN GO HOME ALREADY”Odessa: “NOOO, MY WEAK AMPHIBIAN BLADDER!! DON’T YOU PEOPLE OFFER BATHROOM SERVICES AT THESE THINGS?!”
Anguish: “Oh. Wow. Thanks Odessa. Thanks for pissing at my wedding. Jeez, this is what I get for making you the maid of honor.”
Odessa: “I HARDLY KNOW YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU PSYCHO”Anguish: “Why did you unalign yourself to the wedding arch, Roderick?! Now I can’t go through with the ceremony! Time to cancel the wedding and start all over I guess!”
Roderick: “So anyway I’m about to start blasting”
Frog groomsmen: “I think we should be concerned now”Roderick: “Alright fine. A ring, for you, my wife, my new eternal and forever permanent assistant in life. Crafted from the finest golds and alloys to survive countless years of wear on your finger in comfort. A symbol of our undying promise of dedication to each other until the sweet release of death.”
Anguish: “And you say you’re not a romantic, you cheese!”
Frog groomsman: “I hope this place has snacks.”
And even though they are unaligned to the wedding arch and pissing off my eternal anal compulsions, Anguish and Roderick wed.And so we have it. Roderick is now a Fallen, and he’s an evil insane genius. He’s also handy, and he’s a kleptomanic. Despite his bio saying he wants to carve Sarah Holden up like a thanksgiving turkey, he wants to be an Emperor of Evil, which, sorry man. You ain’t going to find that as a fertilizer analyst.Anyway. Back to your regular scheduled baby traumatizing!Oh, and of course baby making.
Haha, look at this! This sim is named Karl, isn’t that funny! Haha!
…Ruin his life, Anguish.Karl: “Please spare me! Look, I’m a furry too! I’m totally friend, right?!”
Anguish: “For even thinking we are on the same level… prepare for a fate worse than death…”Anguish: “Hey mommy!”
Karl: “OH GOD!! YOU SUMMONED YOUR DEAD MOTHER TO HAUNT ME?! PLEASE LORD NO!”
Zoe: “Wow you really can’t do anything right on your own without me doing it for you, can you…”Zoe: “Naw bitch, I ain’t lifting a finger to help you do anything you’re supposed to do on your own. I didn’t raise you to be dependent on me. Do your own evil deeds already.”
Anguish: “Buh mummie why not…”Anguish: “Ugh do I really got to do everything around here myself?”
Karl: “I don’t even know what I did to deserve this”Anguish: “I’m home! Nice to see you were making some friends while I was out.”
Reynaldo: “Making some what”Reynaldo: “RAMIEL!! HELP ME!! QUICK!! CALL THE AARP!!”
Ramiel: “Call the AA… why them??”
Reynaldo: “BECAUSE THIS STUFF IS GETTING OLD!!”Reynaldo: “This is not my beautiful house. You are not my beautiful wife.”
Mimiki: “Sorry dude. I was out hunting for human males. Not… whatever the fuck you’re supposed to be.”Reynaldo: “Time to drown out whatever fetus I may have with my signature mixture of tequila and Ajax.”
Don’t worry about that, no pregnancy happened on this end.Anyway, upon returning home to her lovely little abode, I realized Happiness was happy about something… about having a first kiss… with who it could have been I was almost terrified to ask…Jesus christ you two can you
NOT?!Anguish: “Hey Happiness, I know we had our fun making out behind the chicken coop when no one was looking and all, but I’m going to have to break it off with you now. I ain’t a skank like Love is haha, and unlike her and her Percy/Reynaldo triangle bullshit, I’m going to do Roderick right by him and dump you before everyone and my dead grandmother thinks I’m a slut.”Happiness: “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! MY HEART!! IT’S SO BROKEN!!”
Jada: “Yeah you two pieces of shit, fight for my entertainment”Happiness: “But yeah, I’ll totally be down to give you my autograph. Anything for a fan of my work. I’ll even give you my phone number, you know, in case one day you ever change your mind.”
Anguish: “I can’t believe I’m getting THE autograph of THE singer Happiness! I’m going to sell it on eBay as vintage.”Of course wrap up this break up moment with some heartfelt karaoke guys, you guys are so smart.
Happiness: “You look like an angel~ Walk like an angel~ Talk like an angel~ But I got wise~ YOU’RE THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE~”
Anguish: “You a stupid hoe~ you a you a stupid hoe~”
Rage: “They really aren’t the brightest pair of bulbs in the fixture are they.”Love: “Honestly, if those two are going to bicker over song choices until they bludgeon each other with the mics, they can take it outside, I’m not going to fix this thing every time there’s a break up in this household.”Now that that’s been taken care of…IT’S BABY TIME
REAL GOOD BABY TIME
BABY CHIKKEN TIMEEEEEELove: “I will love you and cherish you more than I will ever treasure my real children, that’s for sure.”
To be fair, they probably will.Anguish: “Ah, the evening crone of the local frog song over the down town plaza. I’m so happy to see them accumulating to society as well as they are.”
Olive: “The fuck is she out there wearing…”
Anguish: “Look, if I got the outfit, might as well work with it and make it work for me.”Eliza: “Greetings new town slut. My name is Eliza and I wish death upon all new comers.”
Anguish: “Glad to meet you Eliza. I think we are going to be the best of friends.”And then they weren’t.
Eliza: “WHAT IN THE DEVIL’S SPHINCTER DID SHE DO TO ME”Look! It’s the cutie from the day one advertisements when Midnight Hollow came out! It’s nice to see she’s an actual sim around here! I was beginning to wonder.
Anguish: “Did someone say… cutie in my vicinity?”Anguish: “Sigh. I wish I could just be cute like all these women I’m cursing. It’s not fair.”
Anguish, I think you’re plenty cute. Even if you’re insane and dress like you have no sense.
Nadia: “THIS DOESN’T HAVE TO INVOLVE ME NOW DOES IT”Reynaldo: “Love told me there were babies out here! Hello little buddies! Together we will be the best of buddies won’t we! It’s always so wonderful to meet someone almost as yellow as I am!”
I’m so happy these guys love these chicks as much as they do.Oh. I only looked away for a minute.
Eliza: “I can give you some premium hand holding if you play your cards right, handsome.”
Roderick: “Well how can I argue with such an intriguing specimen such as yourself. Dang girl. I don’t know if I should give you a vivisectomy or a valentine~”
Anguish please go get your man already.Anguish: “Eliza. What was that when you were talking about town sluts earlier?!”
Eliza: “Oh fuck off. You’ve already turned me into a frog. What’s the worst you can do to me now huh?! Turn me into a newt as well??”Anguish: “Then you asked for it. Cribbity bearrhyma, I put a haunt on your vagina!!”
Eliza: “You WHAT?! YOU WHAT TO MY SNATCH?!”Eunice: “The fuck have I been summoned to haunt?????? The fuck. Have I been summoned. To haunt?????”
Eliza: “Shit! They didn’t teach me about this kind of STD in sex ed! What am I supposed to do about this walrus beast cursed to haunt my coochie….”Anguish: “And as for you, my darling little lightbulb…”
Roderick: “There’s nothing you can do to me with your “magic”, Anguish. Look, I don’t believe in that stuff. Everything has a scientific answer. All you’re doing is injecting amphibian DNA into me with your little laser pointer. So if you’re going to turn me into a frog for looking at another woman, all I’ll have to do is sit in a microwave until it boils out of my cells and I’ll be fine again, so do your worst.”Anguish: “You dip, that’s not my plan. For you… I will ensure you will look at me and only me, so with a swish of my wand and a sprinkle of pee, you will now only love me!!”
Roderick: “ACK! What… what is this feeling?”Anguish and Roderick: *The grossest sloppiest making out noises you can possibly imagine*
Phineas: “Not going to lie, that is the scariest thing I have seen all week, and I’ve seen all my friends turned into frogs yesterday.”
Eliza: “Phineas, you wouldn’t happen to have some penicillin on you would you”Love: “I’m so happy my cousin has learned to brainwash her love interest on her own without my help now, IT’S BABY TIME OVER HERE HATHAGKLSDFHKGADJSL”
My question is where are you even at, this isn’t the houseAlright here we go on our next generation!!
Love: “Behold my firstborn child. This is Mercy. She told me her favorites are country music, spaghetti with veggie sauce, and the color lime. She told me all this herself. Came out the womb screaming this. But she’s calm now and she’s a GOOD baby!”
Emphasis on good. She’s already heiress unless another good baby comes along! The luck I’ve had with this side of the family lately is on point. She’s also a couch potato as well.
Off topic, but coincidentally, Mercy is also the name of a lot of my previous sims from older games. Even more so, my simself from the sims 2 had a granddaughter named Mercy, and recently when I dug up one of the oldest sim worlds I had for the sims 3 when it first came out, I long forgotten I had a simself granddaughter named Mercy there too. I think I just really like the name Mercy.Love: “No one cares, introduce the second one.”
OOOH!! TWINS!! I think this is the first pair of twins I have gotten in this legacy! Not counting the founders, of course.This is going to be baby Joy. She likes classical music, dim sum, and hot pink. She’s not good (yet?), but she is insane (ugh) and she hates the outdoors.
Also I think it’s neat that both babies also share names with video game characters in the medical field. Mercy from Overwatch and Nurse Joy from Pokemon? I thought that would have been such a cute name pair when I thought about names for these two.
Reynaldo: “My wife warned me you would ramble on with pointless monologue.”
It’s what I do.Also, you two don’t HAVE to walk home you know…
Reynaldo: “Don’t see why not, we literally live two houses down from the hospital you know.”
I suppose…Roderick: “I think you’re going to really love it here, Anguish. There so many secrets in this town, so many nooks and crannies for one to just disappear to if they so wish. That’s why I fell in love with Midnight Hollow. It’s just the perfect place to just settle down and find yourself in.”Phineas: “SOMEONE STOP HIM!! HE STOLE MY WALLET!!”
Anguish: “Yeah, I think I can see myself right at home in this town.”Hmmm.
OH YEAH. I got to make a nursery for these two.
Alright, so these two like hot pink and lime huh… oh…
PREPARE YOUR EYESOCKETS
UGH ITS SO UGLY, JUST THE WAY I LIKE ITReynaldo: “Oh. We’re giving the chair a second chance again, huh.”
I’m always trying to give that piece of shit a shot. It’s good for the aesthetics.Anguish: “My beloved, Roddy. I saw that Eliza notification still lurking around in my paneling and came right over. I cannot take it anymore and I must have you in my scaly little arms forever more. Please, come live with me, we can build you your own little lab, where you can dissect the brains of any idiot girls you want.”
Roderick: “I honestly think that’s for the best. I can’t wait to come live with you, Anguish.”Anguish: “Now that Roderick is on his way to pack his bags, what to do with this little brownie kitten of his he not that long ago adopted…”
Yeah, no, we have waaaay too many cats as it is. I have another idea for this poor dear though.In Roderick’s place, in moves Trust and her gang of merry mismatches!! That way Roxy still has a family to love and care for her.
Roxy: *Still dead OH GOD please just make them GO AWAY*And of course, for his darling neighbor, Eliza, of all people, she gets some lovely roommates in the form of Tiffanie and her lovely entourage of nieces and nephews!
Eliza: “EXCUSE ME?! I DIDN’T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS SHIT”Love: “Dangit, Frosty the unfriendly ghost is back in the house again. I’m calling the law.”
Roderick: “Best not! I now live here! Already sold the property to some blue haired gay werewolf with a neckerchief! Can’t sell me back now!!”
Love: “Ah. Should have seen that coming.”OH FUCK I ALMOST FORGOT THE WEDDING
Time to make it official, my guys!!Cedrick: “Oh shit. What kind of frog did the witch put on you, ma’am?”
Trust: “Oh I’m… not a frog… I’m the bride’s sister.”
Cedrick: “Oh hell, that’s probably worse.”A bit ironic that the first thing Trust’s ex werewolf boyfriend does is play catch with her current werewolf boyfriend.
Love: “Personally I think it’s funny how they were saved from Moonlight but I completely forgot to grab Suzette and her gang while packing up the bunch like I promised her I would. Lol whoops.”Trust: “Put on a tux, Reynaldo or I will disown you as my future brother in law!!”
Love: “Surely he has something handsome up his sleeve before the big moment, right Reynaldo? Sweetie? Honeybunch???”Love: “Oh. I see.”
Reynaldo: “Who wears short shorts~”
Eunice: “JUST THROW AWAY THE WHOLE WEDDING”Trust: “Honestly it could be worse, they aren’t the worst shorts at this wedding…”
Roderick: “What??? Reynaldo told me the theme was summer beachy!”Love: “It truely doesn’t matter to me. I love you no matter what Reynaldo. Weird quirks and all. You’ll always be my favorite tangerine.”
Reynaldo: “And with this ring, you will always be my favorite avocado.”
Eunice: “I’m so glad this isn’t my lineage I have to cringe at.”I now pronounce you a whole orange juice and key lime pie.And with that, the wedding is over. Everyone’s already left Eliza.
Eliza: “Oh how I do so just love a beautiful wedding!!”
Whatever.And BAM, just like that, Reynaldo is officially a Fallen. He’s good and insane, friendly, loves the outdoors but is a dog person, much to the chagrin of our six cats. He wants to be the Leader of the Free World, which is almost doable, if the game will stop giving my sims the fucking day off all the damn time.Anyway, wrapping up here.
YOU SERIOUSLY CAN FUCKING LEAVE NOW ELIZA
So last time, the girls went around town and introduced themselves to a few townies in Midnight Hollow. Anguish found the only two evil sims in the entire town. Who knew dark and gloomy goth people were actually some of the nicest and goodest people there are? Hope and Rage started kissing on each other and being nasty as hell, and the new house has been put on its tent posts.Anyway, I wasn’t trying to give her plastic surgery, but I do think it’s odd that it’s barred from Love because of “cultural” issues.
Love: “Yeah, it’s forbidden for us to get any because Alien Jesus said it’s an Alien Sin to change our features to anything else that our Alien God gave us. Even though there was that scandal a few eons ago where we are pretty sure our last Alien Pope got some nose work done.”
Also sorry this was taken on my cell phone? My screenshot stopped working all of a sudden on my computer, and while I’m 95% sure it’s just a weird issue with this keyboard I’m PISSED ABOUT ITReynaldo: “You chicken? Me Reynaldo! But you can call me friend. Can you call me friend?”
Chicken: “I can call you an imbecile if you can settle for that.”OOF, LOW POLY CHIMKEN
I’m getting some major predator vibes from this guy Alastor: “Mmm, pee flavored water, don’t mind if I do”
Love: “Oh hey, Reynaldo! See you’re having a hard time figuring out how to take a shower! You got to take your clothes off if you want to get properly clean. Here, let me join you and I’ll show you how it’s done…”Alastor: “Hey, WAIT! STOP THAT! I’ve heard people talk about how hot human woohoo is, THAT’S NOT FOXY AT ALL!”
To be honest I’m worried about what’s going on in there to count as woohoo in the first place…Happiness: “You think you’re so bad, you don’t even know what bad is! You’re just a chicken that ate too many LED string lights is all you are!”
Charles the evil chicken: “Ḏ̴̢̨̱̯̣̫͒̾͆̀̕o̷̠̹̠̘̍͑͑ ̴̬͔͖̪̼͇̫̓̿̆̓͑͂̈́̚͜n̶̺͖̱͕͈̩̯̺̏ͅo̶̲̱̍͗̄̉͋̏̾̈́̈́̃t̴̢̼̲͍͓̪͕̬̺́͂̂̊͆͗ ̷̮̠̤͊͛̃̀s̵̖̭̥̫̝̰̹͓̞̓̈́̓͋͋͠ȧ̵̩̥̣͚̜͚̝̀̎̂̓̂̅̿̓͝ͅͅy̵͉͂̍ ̷̨̯̤̯̗͈́͊́̌͘w̴̨͙̯̞̤̅̍͂́̑̀͘͜ͅh̵̨̟̠̗̼̭̲̱̞̽̀̒̎̑a̸̢̫̩̙͉͕̳͓͑́̈̇̉͋̌͑̚ͅt̶͈̟͍̬͆͗̍̍̍ ̶̧̛̦̗̯͕̙̓̄́͂͝͝ÿ̷̘̺̱́̓̋̈̀̈́ṏ̸̡̠̫̩̘͇̭̤́̑̆̓͊̀u̴̱̎̅̎͑͘͘ ̵̗͍̐̀̊̿͘m̷̭͙̝̱̥̄̀͋ą̸̧̛̩̥͖̬̜̺̈̂͌̍̈́͌͌͂ͅy̸̡̠̳͖̘̰͙̩͖̔̒̅͋̄̔̋͜ ̴̲̀̊͂̈͑ṛ̶͇̬͙̹̝̞̑̓̿̇͜ͅe̵̡̧̧͍̻͍̱̫̔͛̇̀͐̀̅͂͘͜ğ̶̫͕̦̊̿͛̊̃̓̅̑̌ṟ̶̬̓̎͊͐͛̀͂̎̕͘é̴͓̺̿̈̚t̶̡̩̬̦͙̺͔̪̾̇̿̉͋̕͜ ̷̠͚̮̺̣̼̩̦̐́̽̆̽̈̓̃̌͘,̶̨̛̜̪͈̮̗̻̇̓͌̾̚͜͠͝ ̸͚͈͔̣̝͎͆̄̃̓̄̎́̉̑͠ẖ̵̛̱͕̥͖̋́́͒̔͆͘ͅű̵͖̀͑͛͆̐́̾̀m̴̠̈́̕͘ͅà̸̛̰̣͚̺̟͚͉̄͌͐̏͝͠n̵͕̂̉͜͝.̴̢̧͉̦̖͙̯͑͌̂͗̎̇͋́̆͋.̵̡̛̛̬̻̮̥̩̌̒̊̀͂̎.̸̙͎̋̈́̓̽̅̔͒̚”
Happiness proceeded to get chewed out by a chicken for several hours. It’s good for him, I’m sure.It’s amazing how the chicken is actually evil and you’re not at all, Anguish.
Anguish: “I’m in here upgrading the kitcheware over and over and over and over again for you ungrateful shits and this is how I get treated”Happiness: “YES! Not only do we get chickens, we also get horses too?! I’ve always wanted to live on a farm!”
Wild Horse: “Go eat shit, freak.”
Now that I think about it, it feels like it’s been FOREVER since I’ve seen wild horses. I do not think I ever saw any in Moonlight, and if I did it had to have been actual years ago…Roderick: “So you’re the alien female I’ve heard so much about! Ok, I’ve heard nothing about you. But damn girl what I wouldn’t love more than to get a bone saw in that sternum…”
Love: “Um… I guess you’re appealing too… in your own way… somehow…”Roderick: “How about you, me, and a cadaver table tonight, lil lady?”
Love: “How about you- *mind control zappy zap*”
Roderick: “HEY WAIT I DIDN’T ⌿⟒⏃ ⌇⍜⎍⌿”Rage: “Hey everyone! It’s my birthday! For my 65th, I hope you all chipped in and got me some skin graft funding!”
Anguish: “OH, I thought you were dying this time, I got dressed to do the hula for you and everything, just like in the olden days. I mean, WOOO dad!”Anguish: “Congradulations dad! Now aren’t you glad I did your hair for you for your birthday! You look so cute.”
Rage: “REALLY COULD USE THOSE SKIN GRAFTS RIGHT ABOUT NOW GUYS”Roderick: “Hello? I’m looking for a lovely blonde with an awesome rack and nack for lockpicking my house”
Anguish: “No really what is this door’s fucking problem with me”Anguish: “Wow, you came all the way in here just to hold me in your arms? You must really like me after all, Roderick!”
Roderick: “Maybe so! Something in my head keeps forcing me to think about obtaining your love, and it festers and pesters me until I came in here to embrace you! I wonder what that could be…”
Love: *Whistles innocently from the kitchen, making a pancake*All of a sudden just constant flirting between these two. Do I even have to be here anymore, they seem to have it under control…
Anguish: “Honestly I think I can see myself falling in love with a guy like you.”
Roderick: “And I can’t see anything else but falling in love with you too! No seriously! I literally can’t think of ANYTHING ELSE. Maybe I should go to a hospital now.”Love: “Ok, you’ve gotten her wrapped around your finger but NO funny business until I know for SURE you’re going to treat my cousin right!!”
Roderick: “Oh COME ON!! Just let me give her the wood, if you know what I mean!!”
They really were trying to funk in one of the showers, though I don’t know why Love decided she wasn’t having any of that for some reason.Ok, I think he’s starting to short circuit a bit.
Roderick: “Your eyes are so clear. I can just see my world right through them.”
Cynthia: “Aw that’s sweet. But kind of obvious. Because I am translucent after all.”Roderick: “My love my darling my… wait, who are you again?”
Happiness: “The flip, who are YOU is what I should be asking!”
Love: “Um, Roderick, the mind control wore off like an hour ago, I think you’re just being a a Skanky McSkiperson now.”Roderick: “GAAAHGGHKLAJRIOJKAAHHHH”
Hope: “Now look what you did grandpa, you scared away Anguish’s only hope of ever finding happiness in this dreary damp town.”
Happiness: “What are you blaming ME for, I didn’t do nofin’.”Anguish: “Thanks for coming out and spending time with me while I look for friends around town, Love. It’s always nice to have an ally by my side.”
Love: “No problem, dear! Though I didn’t know you were out seeking friends too! Do you need pointers?”
Anguish: “Oh trust me, I’m good. I have my own ways of getting people to come around.”Cedrick: “Oh. It’s YOU again. The nasty little witch that turned me into an iceberg for three days.”
Anguish: “Heeey, it’s my buddy! Uh, That Guy! Glad you survived frostbite my dude! I actually got something new, better, even for you this time!”Anguish: “Pickles, ticks and bog, you are now a FROG!”
Cedrick: “Now that’s not nice of you at aAAAHHH”Cedrick: “WHAT. WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!”
Anguish: “Ugh, I got the spell from that hack, Hope. She told me you would be a frog. I thought you were going to be one of them little cute ones I can carry in my pocket and roast in an air fryer.”
Lucien: “Why is this place even in this kind of town anyway? It’s so cutesy and homestyle-y and totally cramps our style, Cedrick. Why are we even in this place anyway…”
Anguish: “…You brought a friend.”Anguish: “Ugh. Yeah this spell is just crap. You’re even less frog than the other guy.”
Lucien: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN FROG?! MY HANDS, MY SKIN, WHAT DID YOU DO?!”
Cedrick: “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, I WAS SO HANDSOME, SO INNOCENT”Anguish: “Oh, that’s that Olive Spector woman I’ve heard so much about. Surely she’s evil for sure…”
Olive: “Um, I’m not I just work for Publix”
Cedrick: “NO OLIVE, RUN GIRL! RUN WHILE YOUR SKIN IS STILL ANTI-AMPHIBIOUS”Olive: “Um. Yeah no I’m just gonna call the cops.”
Anguish: “LOL Love you want to see something funny”
Love: “Not really…”Anguish: “Toadius Froggius, make it so you can’t use a cell phon-ius!”
Lucien: “Oh nooo. She got you…”
Olive: “HUAWAAAAWHAT, WHY?! WHY GREEN?! GREEN DOESN’T GO WITH MY GOTH MURDER THEME AT ALL”Across the street, this lady showed up, and at first, granted how punny her name was, I thought she was an actual local. But given her CC outfit I tried to find her and she’s just a randomly generated nobody. Still found the name to be cool.Anguish: “Well whoever you are, it seems you’re JUSTINE THYME to be turned into a frog, amirite?!! HeHEHHEHFEfheHEH”
Justine: “Why you like this”Anguish: “Oh WOW, it’s Jambette!! You’re my favorite Animal Crossing village of ALL TIME! I can’t believe you live in this town too!!”
Marina: “Please don’t hurt me I’m only 97 years old!”Anguish: “A-HA! Now that you are actually a frog now, will you FINALLY move onto my ACNH island for me?!”
Marina: “Why do I feel moist”Anguish: “A pool party?! Don’t mind if I do!”
Love: “I came here to try to distance myself away from you so people don’t think we know each other, you know that right?”Anguish: “Oh wow, I just remembered, I actually don’t know how to swim. Beautiful damsel maiden of fair! Will you please help this crone that has fallen into the water?!”
Katarina: “I’m not stupid, you turned me into an ice cube the other day, but… I guess it would suck if I was swimming around with a drowned corpse, so sure.”Anguish: “You fool! I am really an evil witch jealous of your beauty or whatever! Be thy cursed of thy frogginess!!”
Katarina: “PLEASE DON’T!! I MIGHT ACTUALLY be pregnant or something.”Anguish: “The fuck.”
Katarina: “Um. Oh yeah I’m totally a frog now! Ribbit ribbit!! … Please don’t use your magic on me again please.”
Anguish: “I’ve been ripped off.”Anguish: “Fine then, if you won’t transform, then I WILL.”
Anguish: “I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN!”
Sure, whatever you want.Anguish: “Ok, lizard queen time is over. I see even more beautiful maidens I got to curse!”
Marina: “No, Seema! Run while you can girl! RUN WHILE YOU’RE ABLE!”Seema: “What”
Marina: “Oh well. Don’t worry, life isn’t all that bad as a horrible frog mutant. Come let me show you how to properly consume bugs for the rest of your life.”Love: “I hate to inturupt your rampage, Anguish. But I must say, me and Reynaldo will be having our first child! I’m so happy!”
Next gen on the way!
Hello Rage. How about a fucking bath sometime, hm? 🙂
Rage: “I protest in the memory of my beloved wife. It’s what she would want.”
No one gives a shit what Zoe would have wanted, Rage.Anguish: “Excuse you? Rude. You have distracted me from a very important mass froggining and if you weren’t already dead I’d turn you into the biggest cane toad I could for this insolence.”
Tatiana: “HELP I can’t even feel pain I’m dead lol”Anguish: “There, I walked you to the hospital, you happy now? Have a good life with whatever worm came out of your electrified vagina, bye”
I’m just going to look at the baby for a second.Tatiana and her husband, and all her other children, are all ghosts, so it’s interesting to see a living baby born from a pair of parents where both of them are dead.
Tatiana: “What can I say, I’m just THAT pro-life, you know.”
I don’t think the remains of the rest of your family probably agree.Roderick: “So one day, I saw her at a party. The most beautiful woman in town, Sarah Holden. She was so full of life, and love, and goodness that I knew, I had to have her. I had to have her brain. I needed to know how she worked, how love worked, and how to harvest that feeling all for myself!”
Anguish: “Damn man! The answer to a question I never fuckin’ asked, but go on!”Roderick: “I kidnapped her, Anguish! I stole her away from that frat house and dragged her here in an oversized Adidas duffel bag! I locked her in my basement and worked day and night to plot exactly how I was going to harvest the love juice from her brain! Do you think she was grateful for the care I gave her?! The pen I supplied for her?! NO! She walked out the second I went and took a dump and hooked up with some beef head at the gym the other day and ran off with that jackass! Now if I get near her, her hunk man will turn my colon into a pretzel! Isn’t that the most fucked up thing you ever heard or what?!”Anguish: “Jeez man, what a total bitch. You want me to turn her into a toad for you?”
Roderick: “No because I still need her, Anguish! I need to harvest her love so I can learn how to function as a real human being! Well, I AM a real human being, but I have a 213 level IQ that runs like it’s on 35 horse power!! Do you know what it’s like to live with horse brains, Anguish?! DO YOU?”
Totally insane like Anguish is. I’m pretty sure she actually might get you, Roderick.Roderick didn’t think so and went to sleep in Sarah’s little holding cell like the sad little creep he is.
Roderick: “Her cold little cell bed is still warm to the touch…”Roderick: “….zzzpfffh the same thing we do every night Pinky. Plan to take over the world!! sdzzzzffsnore…”
Anguish: “Hehe, I’m Pinky.”Roderick: “Sorry about last night, Anguish. I am still torn up about being dumped by my science project. But it’s true. I don’t understand how love works. And honestly, if that’s what you’re looking for in me, I’m going to have to let you down, Anguish. There’s not an ounce of love in me. I run on pure science, cocaine, and warm Red Bull, so if you think I’m going to be a loving boyfriend or anything, I’m going to have to let you down.”Anguish: “Oh baby. Who said I’m in it for love?”
Roderick: “Uh…”Anguish: “Boy, I got a hole this big that needs filling, and no one else will do it like you will! Maybe even two! Hell, three, who knows, I’m feeling like a kinky bitch today!”
Roderick: “You got HOLES! Oh damn, Anguish! Just… give me a second to patch my suture kit, I can take care of those holes in no time!”
Anguish: “Not… not those kind of holes…”And then they FUCKED
Alright, so last chapter, Love had her bachelorette party, and the family sold their property and moved to Midnight Hallows, in an effort to find Anguish a soul mate, more or less.First things first, the town erected their weather stone in a fairly interesting part of a park adjacent to the Fallen’s lot.At first I thought this was a fantastic place for it, though on further inspection…Kinda got a massive tilt going on, don’tcha buddy?
Leaning tower of Pisa: “LEAN BACK~ LEAN BACK~”Rage: “Alright ladies, go get settled in, find the best joints for ordering DoorDash or whatever, and by the time you get home, me and Happiness should have some lodgings erected for us to live in, alright?”Happiness: “What are you talking about, I’m not doing a single thing.”
Rage: “Slut if you don’t want to live in the drainage ditch for the remainder of your life you will help me build the fucking house.”
Anguish: “Okie dokie artichoky!! You ready to help me find hot studs in my area?!”
Love: “Uh, that… no, not really”
Anguish: “GOOD! Let’s GO!”Anguish: “Hello, I’m so glad to meet you! My name is Anguish and DAMN you guys got some killer cheekbones. Those would look great on you if you were an undead or something”
David: “What in the WORLD is she wearing, my dear?!”
Alia: “Uh, I do believe that is a color. I think they call it “pink”, I think…”
Rage: “Where in the fok are they supposed to put the skating rinks and half pipes here during the festivals…”Snake: “Golly it sure is a great day to be an emerald tree boa in downtown Anti-Camouflage Villa”
Ifrit: “I think I’m going to love hunting in this new town…”
Eva: “The hell are these abominations of God supposed to be? Are the demons finally here to claim what is rightfully theirs?”Ifrit: “GAH!! YOU BASTARD GET OUT OF THE MANTLE”
Eva: “Wait a second. I think I read a book about these once back in Mail-Orphan Boarding School. Uuuuh, I think this is a gopher if I’m not mistaken.”Ifrit: “MOM! HELP! The SNAKE! I just realized it’s a WHOLE ASS BOA CONSTRICTOR!! I AM not smart.”
Metatron: “I know not you, I only know of myself. Good luck with that problem though, dude.”
Ifrit: “MOM”Ifrit isn’t the only one having a hard time scrapping with the local wildlife. At least the cats are making themselves at home here.
Happiness: “All I need is you, Ramiel. You’re the truest bro anyone could ever have.”Jeez Anguish, I only looked away to check on the family lot for a second.
Anguish: “I thought he looked very cool. I was only looking to improve on that look.”Anguish: “As for YOU! I was told I was the only one in this town that wore pink! To the ice box with you!”
Katarina: “It’s salmon though!!”Anguish: “I really hope Ambitions comes back to us one day. I think I would make an amazing ice sculptor.”
Katarina: *Yeah that’s a broken finger*OK WHY DO I HEAR THE ROMANCE MUSI- THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING!?!?!Rage: “But… I was told our love could never be…”
Hope: “Oh Rage. We are no longer bound by duty or control. We are free to live our own lives now. So what do you say? Don’t you wish to retire with me and be with me ’til the end of our days? Just two aging widows looking for love in the end?”Rage: “I… I will have to say yes, my darling. I’ve always loved you, Hope.”
Hope: “And I you.”
Happiness: “Dang, that nasty schnitz actually made me put up my dragon. Y’all nasty.”Love: “HURGGGNFFGUGH”
Reynaldo: “Is… is there something you must tell me my love?!”
Unfortunately not, Reynaldo. Love is resistant to Ogre babies apparently. She’s not resistant to digging in the garbage apparently, though.Love: “So while looking around your little town, I noticed you could really do with a lot more colorful flowers and florals, and that’s why I plan on opening a garden, full of life, that I saved from Moonlight Falls before we came here, so the locals can enjoy some beauty in such a sunless town.”
Julian: *Doesn’t say anything because I’m pretty sure that’s a mime*Love: “Oh my goodness, Julian. She’s beautiful. I think I’m in love again.”
Love: “You’re ok too Julian, I guess.”Love: “You’re as cute as a bug, ma’am! Might I ask a very odd question? Do you just so happen to be evil? Because if you are, I have a very good friend (well, very good is a stretch) that I think you would get along with so well.”
Sarah: “Why thank you. Alas, I am not, but for the record, I am a good person, so if the person is interested in that as well, maybe?”Love: “Dang. That’s a shame. You’re as cute as a bug, but I also need you to be mean as one too. Well, at least one of them bitey ones.”
Sarah: “Sorry. I’m as loving and as friendly as can be. Can’t really help you with all that.”
A lot of the townies here are turning out to be good. Kinda surprises me a bit.Love: “As adorable as Sarah is, I will stay in my line and continue to dedicate myself to my grizzly bear Reynaldo, but I will say, she really does look like a fly lil’ mama.”
Lucian: “Oh is she really now??” *Instantly hooks up with Sarah*
Sarah: “Wait, don’t I have a say in this?”Happiness: “Oh snap it’s starting to get bad out here. Maybe we should finally get off our butts and put a house together before we get pnumonia.”
Hope: “Well I’ve already done my share of the work, I’m the one that lugged those heavy tombstones all the way from Moonlight in my pockets, how about you spare some labor here for once, hm?”
Belial: “I guess I better get good at doing the backstroke if that’s the case…”Alright, enough lollygagging on my part. Here’s the house for the family. I tried to not let the new town completely dominate the influence on which I designed this house, but I also didn’t want it to stick out that badly. I also used virtually no staircases, I’m not having anymore bugs or dumb lines associated with those things, so whatever. Who needs a foundation?!We shall start this tour in the foyer. Here are all the family photos, prom pictures, and a mural of all the heirs and their spouses arranged together properly for once.I think it’s coming together nicely.Also it’s GREAT to see the other side of the room is already getting dicked up by cats. I only had this couch for TWO SECONDS, YOU BASTARDSThe center of the house is surrounded by a roundabout hallway, that surrounds a poolside oasis in the center of the house, a cheery bright spot in an otherwise dreary dark home lot, whenever the family want to get away from the darkness of Midnight Hallow, and revisit the ye olde days of Hidden Springs or Moonlight Falls for a little bit.On the far side of the house, right in between what is technically the division between the good side of the family and the evil side, is the shared kitchen.It also comes with a bar, a viewing window, and hopefully a working route to the fridge. That always seems like the deciding factor on how well a house is these days.Both bathrooms are really located on the good side of the house, while the “living room/activity room” is on the evil side. Nothing super spectacular to note of the bathrooms.First of the bedrooms is Hope’s, who coincidentally got the smallest room, but she’s also over half of her elder stage already so I’m afraid she’s not long for this world anyway, so it kinda doesn’t matter to put that much effort into her set up.
…….Also, you know what? I’m not even going to ask why she’s already fried to a crisp first day in her new house. At this rate she may off herself on her own so any effort I put into this room may have been wasted anyway.Adjacent to her is Love and Reynaldo’s shared bedroom. Mostly techy in feel, but I’m not putting a second bar in this house, I don’t care what Reynaldo’s favorite thing seems to be already.And across the hall from them, Happiness has his own little nook, complete with a wall of fame to let him dwell on the times when he was one of the biggest names in showbiz, before he long faded into obscurity.Right next to his bed I gave him his own little mural dedicated to his life with his son, as… slightly morbid as it is, I like to think he thinks fondly about Peace.On the other side of the house, Rage has the second smallest room, nothing too particular about it here.And lastly adjacent to him, Anguish had to get the BARBIE GOTH EYESORE
Why do I always find myself going too hard with hot pink and black, this isn’t necessaryThere’s nothing really of note for the rest of the house to be honest. Some hobby nooks and the hallways… the cats get their own scratching post section, complete with a Lenin poster I didn’t even know I had?? Maybe it will encourage them to work together for the greater good, and cooperate with me on NOT DESTROYING THE FURNITURE FOR ONCE
Anguish: “он не будет”At the time, the backyard is plain, but there is a small activity shed near the edge of the property, housing the FUCKING POTIONS TABLE that Anguish wished for the second we plopped down in Midnight.
Hopefully she’ll forget about it and any potion related wishes can fuck right off.And lastly, the only thing important of note, is the chicken coop I also bought while getting Midnight Hallow, since I had a few sim points on the side to spend (point systems are so dumb just let me use my money)
Not sure what it does all right now, but I’m a sucker for a cute chicken.Hope: “Now that we finally have a home, I am honored to spend the remainder of my days with you.”
Rage: “The same can be said about you my little party bee.”
Happiness: “I think I threw up in my mouth a lot just now”OOH, one of the towns evil sims! Get on that, Anguish!
Anguish: “So uh… we just moved into town… got a new house… I’m Anguish and if you want to be my friend or whatever swipe right on my tinder profile sometime.”Edmund: “Back off lady, if you don’t get out of my face, I’ll eat you alive! Now GIT.”
Anguish: “Wow, not doing anything for you, huh…”
Ehhhhh, we’ll put him on the Worst Case Scenario list…
Anguish: “Where are all the bad boys I was promised? Don’t tell me your daddy is the only one here in this place.”
Mitchell: “Uh, he’s not my daddy.”
Anguish: “At the rate he’s acting he’s not going to be my daddy either.”
Mitchell: “Wait, what”OOH, the night sky here is a very lovely shade of purple. I feared it would be way too dark, but so far I’m digging it.Are you digging it, Anguish? Or are you just contemplating a brick in the wall.
Anguish: “TEACHER!! LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE”
Ah, I see.Roderick: “Oh wow, a woman I think! Greetings! What brings you all the way here to lick on my brick fencing?”
Anguish: “That Mitchell kid told me to look you up in a phone book, said you’re just as big of a douche as his guardian is! And judging by your tiny bald head, you’re quite a looker as well!”
They think they’re hot, good, good…Anguish: “So, let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves to each other. Let’s start with you Roderick!”
Roderick: “Well, I’m Roderick Synapse and I’m the local evil scientist around here! Don’t let my internet college degree that I totally didn’t forge in Photoshop fool you, I know a thing or two around a scalpel and that’s all I need to know really.”Looking around this guy’s house, I don’t really need much to know that he is, in fact, evil.
Not very good with locks if his alleged captive (I looked it up, it was supposed to be Sarah from the gym) was just able to walk out on the first day and hook up with a dude elsewhere.
Roxy, Roderick’s instantly adopted kitten: “All things considered I probably should have followed her when she flew the coop as well…”Roderick: “Well I had a fabulous time with you forcing yourself into my home and following me around like a crazy groupie, but I got to go to work, and if you don’t mind, I’m gonna vrrrbbrrrrrbrrRR” *tornadoes out*
Anguish: “Oh that’s just fantastic, I see I picked your lock for nothing.”Anguish: “Oh wow, I didn’t know you could be a professional victorian age orphan for a living! That’s so neat! Do they take resumes?”
Roderick: “Sigh… I’m not an orphan I’m a scientist. All my good lab coats are just in the wash today.”
Anguish: “And the hat? Is required by your lab??”
Roderick: “Look bitch sometimes my head gets cold. Just… just go home already.”End of chapter time. Will these two continue to pursue a relationship with each other? God I hope no-WHY IS HE BURNED NOW.
Hope: “It’s not contagious, I don’t think… ok yeah it might just be contagious.”
Pandemic: “How DARE you! Going back to your scummy little girlfriend after what I thought was special between us! Don’t think I can’t see that ring on your hand, you slut!”
Reynaldo: “Honestly I can’t believe you’d think I was even here for you to begin with! I came to live with my Love and honestly you’re just a jerk for getting in my way in the first place!”
Robi: “Is this a bad time to let you know it’s Halloween? You guys? When you are done bickering like an old married couple can we have our candy?”Robi: “I’m serious, if you don’t give me my well earned candy, I’m NOT leaving this foundation until I get my Milk Duds!”
Reynaldo: “What”Harvey: “I can’t believe you losers even still read newspapers. Get with the times and get your news off of twitter and facebook like the rest of us”
Happiness: “Just get the pickaxe out of the garage and chip him out of the wall, Reynaldo, I didn’t even get candy for any of them this year.”
Last chapter Reynaldo moved into the house with Love, but while Love was out preemptively capping out her LTW, Pandemic moved in on him and kissed him after frying his ass in an electric fence or whatever they keep getting stuck in. Reynaldo and Love worked out that issue, and became engaged to each other at the local Love Day festival at the park.Oh and I went ahead and demolished the retirement house across the street. Happiness hates using it, clearly, and at this point it wasn’t doing anything but hosting a side party or two. I also plan on moving the family to a new town soon, because going over the residence of this town, no one is evil here.
Well, a few are evil, but they’re all related to the Fallens. And we can’t have that. So we’re taking a chance and moving out to a new town to scope out soon.
I waited until Love finished her LTW so we didn’t have to get stuck starting over meeting new people, and now that that’s finished, I have no qualms about up and leaving as long as Hope and Rage are able to keep their jobs as well.
Anyway, let’s start this chapter right: with Anguish growing up into an adult!
Anguish: “Witness me, mac ‘n cheesy! I’m gonna turn into a beautiful butterfly!”Hope: “Aw, you did turn out to be so beautiful, I’m so proud of you, young lady!”
Anguish: “Behold, Hope! Mine middle finger. I point it up, just for you!”
Anguish has become lucky in her new life stage! Which I know isn’t evil, but she’s still more fun than Pandemic, and therefore, she is taking over for Rage as the new heiress.
Her LTW is going to be Zombie Master, which sounds interesting. Did you hear that, Pandemic? Your squatter rights have been revoked. I’m gonna need your crummy ass to vacate the property now.
Pandemic: “This is absolute horseshit and I deserve better than this.”
For macking on Reynaldo and then getting pissed at him for choosing his fiancé over you, no you don’t.In an attempt to pack up or sell furniture in the house, for some reason I couldn’t move the genie lamp in the center of the dining room table.
So fuck it, take it Anguish, you get first dibs on it.
Anguish: “How does anyone think they can get any kind of high off this oddly shaped hookah.”Anguish: “Oh shit, it do be smoking doe o_o”Anguish: “Oh damn. The contact high got me all kinds of messed up. A living blueberry just popped out of the smoke into my kitchen. Hey bitch, you ain’t been paying rent.”Of course. The genie made a beeline to the rocking chair. I shouldn’t be surprised.
Hope: “So… tired… must… swing… at… figment of my imagination…”Anguish: “Hi so I actually read the lamp’s user manual while you were leaving ass prints in our chair, and realized you can grant wishes!”
Lisa: “Yep, that I can do.”
Anguish: “Well I think that I wish this bitch didn’t have access to pillows anymore, because this shit she keeps doing is getting on my nerves.”
Lisa: “Your wish is my command.”Lisa: “I HEREBY BAN ALL PILLOWS FROM EXISTANCE, FOREVER, PREVENTING ALL FUTURE PILLOW FIGHTS FOR GOOD!”
Hope: “Hey what gives, where did my pillow go”
Anguish: “Hey wait… no I need pillows for sleeping! Oh lord I take it back, I wish pillows were a thing again, I can’t live without my memory foam! Ugh, I’ll think of another way of preventing Hope from destroying my pillows, but this isn’t going to be it.”
So with that Anguish ruined two of her wishes right off the bat I guess.Pandemic: “Dad, how could you let this happen?! I’m your baby boy, your first born son!! How could you just let them kick me out of my house?!”
Rage: “Oh shit you’re still here. Look Pandemic. We threw you out yesterday. Your belongings have been sitting on the sidewalk all night. Granted all your belongings were was that one sleeping bag. But you don’t live here anymore. Go kiss on other people’s boyfriends somewhere else.”
Pandemic: “THIS WON’T BE THE LAST YOU HEAR OF ME”
Granted we are moving soon, it might be.Love: “Thanks for coming to hang out with me while I perform for tips, Anguish. To have an actual witch teach me some magic might help my act be more believable. However I first got to GrAdUaTe from school so BRB”Anguish: “Oh shit that’s right I’m also graduating! Cool beans.”
Don’t do this, I got actual plans today for you guys.Good lord. It’s going to be one of THOSE graduations.Because today of all days, is Love’s bachelorette party. And now no one is home.
Kathryn: “Oh my love, Ervin, how could you do this to me, how could you leave me all heart broken and alone”
Tiffanie: “Music to my ears”Kathryn: “What is this shit. I was told there was a party here today. There’s hardly even any furniture in here anymore!”
Dianna: “This blows. If there are any towels left in their closet I’m stealing them and leaving this place myself.”Tiffanie: “Oh you guys go on ahead, I’ll catch up soon. Someone just left some delectable chocolate treats right here at the door and I’m just gonna help myself.”
Love: “OH NO THAT’S DISGUSTING”Love: “Please come back guys! I cancelled my graduation just to meet you guys here after all! Now that I’m back, this party can get started!”
Tiffanie: “Sorry man. I just filled up my party favor bag and I’m going home.”
Kathryn: “Never call me for your lame parties ever again.”Love: “I guess I should be grateful that I was able to snag my diploma as I was walking out the door. At least today was good for something after all. That and my robes are more comfy than that tight little dress anyway.”
Kathryn: *Just runs down the street like she’s never seen a car in her life*No seriously why are you doing that, just use the sidewalk you dense bagel.Oh God Kathryn, look out for that car!!
Oh no, she has her air pods in, she can’t hear me!Suzette: “I came as soon as graduation was over. Congratulations Love! I’m proud of you at least!”
Love: “Ah no, Suzette, I wanted to keep my robes for sentimental purposes, you’re getting them sticky!”Simon: “Did someone call for some Professional Swag up in this parTAY?!”
Anguish: “Oh NOW it’s a party!”
Alastor and Krampus: “Excuse us can’t us get some sleep”
Tiffanie: “Guys, that wasn’t chocolate”Love: “Is this really all we have for the party? I invited all my friends, is it really just you, Suzette?”
Suzette: “It’s ok, Love! I’m here for you and I’m going to make sure this is the best party of your life!”
Don’t worry about your “friends”, Love. Once we leave this town, most of them won’t survive to begin with anyway.
Simon: “Wait, what”Suzette: “I would like to make a toast for my cousin, everyone, if you could gather around for a second!”
Love: “I just realized half the furniture is already gone, goodness that was fast”Suzette: “I just want to say that I believe you and Reynaldo are going to have a wonderful life together, wherever you two decided to go, and hopefully, you will take at least me and my family with you when you go. Haha, please keep that in mind, I want to survive the purge if that’s alright with you”
Love: “To bring my most trusted and caring family and friends with me when I move away? Now there’s a thought.”Rage: “Wait… we’re moving?”
Suzette: “CONGRADULATIONS AGAIN, LOVE!!”
Love: “Gluglugluglug”Tiffanie: “I just want to point out that I, also, am family, and will soon be your family as I am Reynaldo’s cousin somewhere on his tree and would also like to survive being blasted off the face of the earth when this town’s time comes.”
Love: “Considering you did change your mind and come to my party in the end after all, sure. I’ll be honored to ensure you and your family get passports as well when we leave.”
Suzette: “Gurl I’m blasted already have anyones seen my robes”Oh nice. Thanks for showing up five hours late, Rosalinda. With no pants.
Rosalinda: “Get off my ass, I looked for pants for those five hours and couldn’t find any and had to show up like this, be glad I showed up at all.”
Rage: “NO STOP I’M ALLERGIC TO A GOOD TIME”Reynaldo is here by the way. He stayed upstairs the whole time and avoided all the festivities having back to back to back drinks at the bar.
Reynaldo: “Thanks for hanging out with me, Happiness, sir. I hate crowds because people always have to be cruel and mock me for being different. At least up here I can take the edge off and avoid all that drama. I hope my darling Love is having a good time, but I know I wouldn’t have a good time if I was down there. At least I can have fun with you. Even if you are wrecked and missing your pants.”
Happiness: “WWOOO FCUCKGIN TEQUILA”Simon: “And then… when she opened up her door… the GHOST WAS THERE IN HER FRIDGERATOR THE ENTIRE TIME!! WOOOO~”
Sabrina: “Do you really have to turn the lights off in here for that shit? I swear if I bust up my shin on something in here because I can’t see I’m going to piledrive you into the foundation.”Alright, party is over. All loose ends are taken care of, and the house is (mostly) sold off or packed. You ready for this, Anguish?
Anguish: “Ready to BURN DOWN THIS ESTABLISHMENT?! I’ve been ready since DAY ONE.”
No, just… why are you even all the way over here anywaygTrust: “Wow, didn’t even give me time to finish making my martini before demolishing the walls. Sigh. Also, we just going to let the campsite rot to the ground or is that coming down too?”
Sabrina: “Oh I forgot about that. I closed it yesterday and forgot to pack it. Oh well. Too lazy. The retirement house gave us $300,000 upon demolishing, so I think your family is going to be good for the move on that alone.”
Trust: “I see.”Sabrina: “Oh. Here he comes. I wonder if he will have anything to say to me about our previous relationship. Our love, that blossomed over various lame dates and parties. Please Happiness, at least tell me you will miss me when you leave…”
Happiness: “OH, Rage, when we do move, please don’t pack that ugly old porch bench when we go. That thing has been the bane of my existence since day one.”
Rage: “Duely noted.”Mailwoman: “I sure as hell hope you plan on paying your utility bills before you leave today! Taxes don’t just vanish because y’all do!!”
Happiness: “Oh look, a leaf or something else that requires my attention”
Rage: “I’m just gonna walk there, fuck the taxi, bye you guys”Oh good, I see you fell out of Hope’s pockets upon moving, Frenchie. Good. Stay there. Choke on a pillow for me why don’t you.
Frenchie: “At least you left me with enough alcohol to drown my sorrows.”Sabrina: “I can’t believe they left with this half ass demolished mess. And with trash just everywhere!! They are about as environmentally conscious as a dump truck.”
Trust: “At least they left us some stairs so we could escape this crumbling mess. That was kind of them.”
Good, then why don’t y’all USE THEM AND LEAVE ALREADYSo with that, the family is off on a new beginning, new faces, and a new town.Goodbye house that took care of us for the past two gens. I think all things considered, you were a really good house to play in. I will leave a good review for you on Yelp when I can.Upon leaving, I see Kathryn survived getting ran over after all.
Kathryn: “WHO LEFT THESE LEAVES IN MY WALK WAY?! ERVIN YOU HORRIBLE BASTARD”
Who I believe is Bathroom Hog maybe?: “PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH FRENCHIE I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DEFEND MYSELF FROM PILLOWS”And goodbye, Moonlight Falls. I adored this town. It caused me very few issues, and honestly I think leaving it as soon as we are is a good thing, as to not allow the town to fall into disrepair over time.
But now we move onto better things, a new town, new faces and greener pastures…Lol did I say greener pastures? I lied.
Welcome to Midnight Hallow, a town I’ve wanted since day one of it’s unveiling! I decided to buy it on a whim for myself for my birthday (trust me when I say I still think this motherfucker is still way too expensive for what EA wanted for it, but shit it’s been years now and I deserve a treat).
Hopefully this town is all that I have hyped myself up for it to be, and SURELY in these dark and dreary lanes there are evil sims lurking in the shadows much to Anguish’s delight.Hope you like the pasture that has been picked out for you guys. It’s the size of the first lot the family lived on back in Hidden Springs, nested not too far away from town, but just out of the way enough to feel like the neighbors aren’t going to be up our butts 24/7.Enjoy your new home, guys~
Happiness: “It’s too dark out here. Does anyone got a flashlight?”
Rage: “It’s not that bad you pencil dick. Get over it.”
We shall end with Anguish’s card, where I remind everyone that she is an insane genius, and a lucky virtuoso with a good sense of humor. I feel being a lucky genius is going to be good for her on her path to creating an army of undead soldiers, so we shall see.
So both Pandemic and Love grew up last chapter, and Love took the reigns for heirship. Trust and Percy made up and seem to be friends again, and Love broke it off with Percy after she and Reynaldo instantly fell in love with each other. Love quickly jumped up to level five or six in charisma in her first day or so and has been cranking out her LTW of 20 friends.In review, for someone that wants 20 friends, she’s a loner. She’s also a klepto genius, and a great kisser. She’s good, so while those other traits seem a bit on the darker side, so far the only thing she really has been stealing, as she said before, is other people’s hearts.
And maybe a lamp here or there but I ain’t looking.Rage: “Please Sabrina! Am beg. Let me read your fortune so my boss with give me those sweet sweet relationship points!”
Sabrina: “I’m sure if you can read the future, you can definitely tell from my facial expression, that I’m going to say no, you know that right?”
Honestly I give up. They’re best friends at this point and Sabrina just straight up won’t let him read her fortune. I can’t blame her though. If she’s truly me, I wouldn’t want some gremlin showing up at my house every night asking to read my future. Especially if they keep setting my kids on fire, but mostly because I don’t want to know my future.Since the family’s finances aren’t the greatest at this time, nor do I want to make Love do any job that will take up her entire day away from working on her LTW, she became a magician for a little side cash. Surely that’s easy for an alien to fake her way through to the gullible masses, right?
Love: “Behold! The mysteries of the universe! At my fingertips! Literally at my fingertips! It’s literally in my genetics, I’m just fiddling with my normal alien powers at this point for you!”Ramon: “That was still rather amazing if I do say so myself. I think that was good enough for one wheel of Babybel snack cheese, don’t you think so?”
Olivia: “So THAT’S where my snack cheese has been sneaking off to, I’M GOING TO CUT YOU”Rage: “I followed Love out today because I also need some work friends, but now I’m distracted by whatever the FUCK is on the ground behind you”
Linda: “Oh that’s just Tiffanie’s baby, she ran in here, dumped him on the ground and then ran back out. I’m pretty sure she’s not coming back for him either, lol”HOOOAH
Ansen: “Kiss kiss kiss”Love: “Hold still, Rage. Let me take care of that massive kidney stone you got going on.”
Rage: “Oh wow, thank you Love! I thought I was having some issues peeing lately, I’m glad you were around to notice the issue!”
Celina: “UM”Love: “While I’m at it, I’ll take care of that massive blockage you got going on inside your head. Will help your sinuses and everything!”
Rage: “Thanks, kid. You’re so sweet. I already feel like a weight has been lifted off of me.”Rage: “…The fuck you looking at.”
Rage: “Don’t judge me.”
Celina: “I was just now leaving actually! Yeah!”Love: “Thank you all for coming to our party! Please enter this way, and do ignore our garbage stewing across the street. The bone maid we ordered off the internet was bootleg. She broke down and disintegrated after four days of use and we haven’t been back to clean up the messes ourselves.”
Percy: “FUCK YOU LOVE, I’M JUST HERE FOR YOUR FAMILY FAMOUS TACOS”Percy: “Oh what am I saying, you’re still MINE, LOVE!! ALL MINE! I may hate you but you’re MINE!!“
Trust: “Wait… we’ve never made tacos before…”Oh, Reagan has grown up. And she looks positively psycho!
Reagan: “You have brought… the sushi?!”
Grace: “Um… unfortunately.”Reynaldo: “I for one love the party and am so grateful you keep inviting me year after year to celebrate with you guys.”
Carmen: “Haha, this loser thinks we care about him.”
Grace: “Haha, him.”
Reagan: “You’re a fucking joke.”
Reynaldo: “Oh.”Love: “I’m sorry my loser family keeps laughing at you and making fun of you. I care about you and love that you come here every year. Hey, how about you come here every day! By living with us!”
Reynaldo: “So I can not only be here every day, but every hour and every minute and every second and every milli second?! Hot diggity, count me in!!”
And that’s how I got Reynaldo to come live with us for good.Let’s celebrate by CLOGGING UP THE DOWNSTAIRS BATHROOM, really guys, we have a second one upstairs.
Love: “WELL I’M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT! MOVE ANGUISH, I’M ABOUT TO BURST HERE”Love: “ANGUISH!!! WHYYYYYY”
Anguish: “Haha, my feet are all wet now. Am I really frog? Hee hee”Anguish: “Oh come on! She ran up here and locked the door behind her! How can I keep body blocking here and annoying the shit out of her if she won’t let me in her life!!”
Please go do literally ANY thing else right now, Anguish, I’m not happy with you at this moment.Happiness: “I bet you your whole fursuit this dork is going to freeze to death out here sleeping in the drive way.”
Anguish: “Oh man! You’re on with that bet!”Avarice: “Oh fiddlesticks! It appears that my thighs have frozen together in my sleep! I’m now in quite the conundrum…”
Yes, who knew sleeping outside in below freezing weather would do that to you.Avarice: “C-c-could a ssss-sww-w-weet little k-kitty l-l-like to c-c-cuddle up with me and sssh-share some of your w-w-w-warmth?”
Cat’s long gone Avarice, I think the ice has settled into your brain there already.
Love: “Oh Reynaldo… it appears that we have this entire pool all to ourselves today. Do you know what this means?”
Reynaldo: “Gasp, it means that if we were to both drown, no one will find our bodies for at least one whole day, if not, maybe even longer?! We’d contaminate the water with our decaying corpses so badly that they would have to drain the entire building and reset the filter system?!”
Love: “Um. No. I was thinking of something else.”Reynaldo: “Woohoo in the teleporter is odd when you have no idea which dimension your partner has warped off to.”
Hopefully she didn’t take any particular body parts of yours off with her. That would be odd.Avarice: “Gasp! It appears that the life stage fairies have caught up with me all of a sudden!”
Yeah I knew. Can’t care. You’re good. Love you but you’re overdue for growing up and leaving the house.Before he leaves, Avarice grew up to be a natural born performer. Got to love the 21 year old sudden child prodigies. He wants to be a vocal legend like Happiness, however, homeboy better be prepared to do that all on his own, because…Rage: “How would, you, yes YOU, love to own your own bed, in your own bedroom?!”
Avarice: “Golly, dad! Wouldn’t I ever!”
Rage: “Cool! Because I already kicked your ass out of the house, go look for one in another house down the street!”Love: “Haha, how’d you die.”
Violet: “That’s not a very polite way to start a conversation and make friends, you know.”
Love: “Do you still want to be my friend?”
Making friends is so hella easy with any level of charisma in my opinion.Alex: “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LEFT ME TO STARVE TO DEATH, HETAL, I THOUGHT THIS FAMILY LOVED ME”
Reynaldo: “My grits farted.”
Hope you’re enjoying your first morning in your new home, Rey!Love: “DAAAANNG, Tiffanie! You can balance a plate on dem thangs!”
Tiffanie: “…Is this your way of trying to impress me for friendship…”
Love: “Sure is :)”
Tiffanie: “Well… it’s working! Insta friends :)”
I’m glad this is working out great. Why am I hearing love music in the background thoReynaldo: “Should I ask why you are fried to a crisp?”
Pandemic: “I’m fried up… for you.”
EXCUSE ME PANDEMIC THE FUCK IS YOU DOINGREYNALDO! PANDEMIC!
STOP THAT AT ONCEAron: “Oh baby, if I were with you, I’d be dedicated to you forever and more.”
Love: “Thanks, too bad the only thing I’m 100% dedicated to is my love of science, and nothing will ever take that away from me.”
Jefferson: “Is the only reason she’s not talking to me and not trying to be my friend because I’m old or something?”
Yes and you can die at any moment and I’m not wasting a slot on you for her LTW, go away.Love: “Thanks for the instant friendship, Jeanette. I hope we get to hang out again one day soon, but I doubt it because once I crank out this LTW of 20 friends, I want to withdraw from society and never socialize with another living person ever again.”
Sabrina: “I only came here today to show off my new grandbaby that Rosalinda gave me! Isn’t he cute! His name is Sammy and I love him more than I love doing crunches, which I’m about to do anyway!”
Archie: “STOP. YOU’RE BREAKING THE LAW.”
Rosalinda: “And you’re breaking the window with your fat ass Archie, go away.”Sabrina: “Sammy… please help grammie… come over here and spot me please…”
Grace: “YEAH! This is TOTALLY not where a new born baby needs to be!!”
Needless to say, Love still befriended both these idiots within the hour.Love: “Archie?! Is that you?! Dude, you look so different all of a sudden!”
Archie: “I know right?! It’s amazing what three minutes on a treadmill will do for your metabolism! I’ve never felt better!”
Love: “Haha, why are we holding hands”Love: “Hey Franklin! I saw you from the gym parking lot and followed you home! How would you like to be my last friend that I need to feel whole in life?!”
Franklin: “I cannot smel”Love: “I will treasure the time we spent together for five minutes on a thursday night at 12:45am in your foyer. Truely this is the greatest highlight of my life. I hope for you, you feel the same.”
Franklin: “I’d like to pee and then go to sleep after my long ass shift is what I feel right now.”Pandemic: “I sleep.”
Love: “Hmmmmm……”Love: “YOU KISSED MY COUSIN?!”
Reynaldo: “Wh-what?! How did you know!?”
Love: “I CAN LITERALLY READ MINDS, YOU DINGUS! YOU REALLY THOUGHT YOU COULD HIDE IT FROM ME?!”
Hope: “Why do the cats keep eating the furniture guys, this is starting to get uber expensive”Love: “I LET YOU INTO MY HOUSE, INTO MY HEART, INTO MY BED, AND YOU’RE OUT THERE PLAYING TONGUE HOCKEY WITH MY COUSIN?! WHY YOU LITTLE… YOU… YOU…”
Reynaldo: *Major pout*Love: “I… I can’t believe I hollared at you like that… I’m so sorry. I should have thought harder about it, I just realized my cousin Pandemic is a butthole and he cornered you in front of that garage, this isn’t your fault, he’s the one that should be sorry, not you.”
Reynaldo: “Oh really?”
Hope: “GOOD GOD GUYS, THE COUCH IS EFFED UP TOO”Love: “Do you forgive me?”
Reynaldo: “Of course I do. I care so much about you, and I promise it won’t ever happen again! I’m also sorry, I should have picked him up and hurled him into the nearby trash can when he did it, but I didn’t want to hurt your family and have you mad at me or anything.”
Love: “Of course. Don’t worry. Next time it happens, I give you my full permission to go full feral on him if he comes at you with his lips again.”
Hope: “Haha, guys, I found a pillow”Hope: “WHAP”
Metatron: “WHY ARE YOU SWINGING AT ME, I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING TO YOU BEFORE”
Hope: “I just want someone to play with me.”Apparently Pandemic is already on Love’s case about the incident.
Pandemic: “You’re fucking trash you know that?! No wonder Reynaldo kissed me back, why would he want a dumpster fire like you when he can have the caviar that is me!”
Love: “Why you little rat. Whatever a rat is. I’ve never seen an actual one in Moonlight Falls.”Love: “How could you do this to me, we’re family!! Family doesn’t stab other family in the back like this!!”
Pandemic: “You aren’t any family of mine! That was decided like two or three gens ago or something! You’re just scum on the bottom of my shoe at this point!! I hope Trust comes back somehow and you go off to whatever junkyard you need to live in.”Love: “UGH, I sure hope when Anguish grows up and takes over you take a hike! After her birthday I never want to see your face ever again?!”
Pandemic: “Or WHAT?! Bitch fucking try me! You even THINK about trying to kick me out of this house and I will EAT you alive!!”Love: “Ok, how about this. I got a way for us to solve this problem real quick. Bend over and cough for me, Pandemic.”Pandemic: “OH FUCK NO!! FORGET THIS, YOU CAN KEEP THAT HOE, GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CRAZY BITCH”
Love: “I’m glad we could come up with a resolution so quickly, Pandemic.”Meanwhile Angel died! So sad! So heartbroken!! So
*insta-deleted because the family is gonna BOO HOO over him 400 times a minute*Reynaldo and Love still need to reconcile for a little while, since they’re still slightly heated at each other, so what better place to have a date than the park during Love day! Just, stay away from the kissing booth, guys. I don’t want any more misunderstandings.Sedwick: “WOW, Reynaldo. You ACTUALLY kept a girlfriend for longer than two days?! She hasn’t chunked you out yet over your bouts of craziness yet or is she actually just as crazy for you to keep you this long?”
Reynaldo: “Mind your own BEESWAX, Sedwick!! I’ll have you know I’m a bundle of personality, and joy, and love, and I’m a wonderful boyfriend to my girlfriend!”
Sedwick: “Yeah, a bundle. A bundle of insanity.”
Reynaldo: “I will literally eat you”Love: “Reynaldo, let’s talk first. I just want to say, I don’t want to lose you. Not over some silly overreaction on my part, and I hope you genuinely have forgiven me. Because I forgave you. My cousin is a horrible person, and I think I understand why he kissed on you in the first place. To mess us up and create a drama that is unnecessary for his cruel means. I shouldn’t have bought into it. But I will spend the rest of my life to you making up for this error in judgement, and I hope you accept that from me.”Reynaldo: “You touched my belly fat. That means we were meant to be.”
Love: “Um, sure!”Love: “I’m just glad you’re not mad at me anymore.”
Reynaldo: “I never was.”Hope: “Oh hey! Why did you pan over to me all of a sudden? All I’m doing is making soup for the fam, and… oh, the stove is glowing! Hello fire! Long time no see.”
Senility is setting in quick for you, huh?Janice: “DON’T WORRY MADMOISELLE, I SHALL SAVE YOU”
Hope: “All you’ve done is block my route. How do you expect me to put out the fire myself with my ice magic if you can’t even fo krah diin in the right direction in the first place?!”Reynaldo: “OPPA GANGNAM ST-”
Love: “While I was on the phone with the fire department about the house, I got my face painted. I got my face painted by a ceiling fan, but it still managed to get the paint on my face fairly well, if I do say so myself.”Reynaldo: “Oh. That actually looks. Really bad.”Reynaldo: “OH GOD, YOU FELL DOWN, u ok gurl”Love: “No homie, I’m asking you to marry me! I love you with all my heart, your crazy quirks and all! So what do you say? Do you love me too? Will you marry me, Reynaldo Goth?!”Reynaldo: “Of course I say yes! I love you so much too!! Of course I’ll marry you!”
Love: “You’ve made this the best day of my life!”I’m so happy for these two.
So last chapter, ugh, I don’t remember. I just wrote it. Uh.
Last time, during one of Hope’s many parties that have begun to blur together for me, Percy, whom has previous kissed Trust, kissed Avarice, much to the horror of Trust, who had to witness it. Then Percy asked Love to prom. I’m not impressed with him right now. Hope grew up into elder, and Rage set my simself son on fire again. At this point I don’t know why. He doesn’t bother anyone else, but once he enters my house he’s got to roast my children? Maybe he just hates me that much.Happiness, open the chapter.
Happiness: “Oh hey Sabrina! What’s that? You want to go on yet ANOTHER date with me? Haha, oh man, you’re never going to learn are you! Sure, I’ll be down there in a second.”
Honestly at this point, Sabrina deserves any bullshit he gives her at this point if she keeps running back to him for whatever.Sabrina: “Happiness? It’s me, Sabrina. I’m old now. I know that you’ll probably like this a lot more than when I was younger. All you vampires love to bag us old broads, your brethren do it all the time. So what do you say? Will you bed me now that I’m old and creeky?”
UM.Happiness: “Oh baby. You know I will.”
Sabrina: “Holy shit it worked.”
Holy shit it worked.Happiness: “See, if Pis’tachio used more warm colors in this work, he would never get the sad melancholy feeling across in this work, and it would just become a landscape piece. But this way, he gets his meaning across, and that’s why this work is such a classic piece.”
Sabrina: “Well, I guess I chose the location of this date, I should have seen this coming.”
Complete with six foot social distancing. This really does look like a proper modern date to be quite honest frankly.Happiness: “I will say, I don’t get where the artist is going with this piece. Personally I think there’s just too much frond in this one.”
You dumbass, this isn’t art.Sabrina: “Oh art. How I love you so. If only I was good at it, I could have pieces in such a boring museum such as this. Ah well, one day.”
They only interacted with each other for like a moment, but I like to think they had a pretty pleasant date for once.Hope: “Alright Paulo! Don’t forget to put some salve on those chest sores, and we’ll pick the experiment up from the top tomorrow, ok?!”
Paulo: “This is bullshit.”
A hair off topic, Hope is level six in her career, and while she only needs three more promotions, her days are severely numbered at this point. Which fucking sucks because for the record, she’s good at her job, but she literally works like two days a week. Between holidays and random weird days off, not to mention all the time the game gave her off for maternity leave, she just hardly works.
Rage oddly doesn’t have the same problem and is doing fine. Her on the other hand, I worry about making it.Trust on the other hand isn’t doing baddd, but she has no gardening under her belt and they don’t touch the garden unless I make them so….
Trust: “Garden??? DIRT?? Oh come on I’m alien, can’t I just whip through this career on my brains alone?”
Unfortunately not.Trust: “Anyway, WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE DESK”
Anguish: “It’s artistic license, get off my dick I think it looks cooler this way.”
Trust: “YOU’RE GROUNDED AGAIN”
Anguish: “OH COME ON, IT’S NOT AS BAD AS THE COUCH, WHICH YOU WILL SEE AS SOON AS IT LOADS IN”Anguish: “SEE?! This is FAR worse!!”
Trust: “Oh dear God”
Happiness: “I DIDN’T DO IT”
Krampus: “Hehe, they will never know it was I that did it ALL”
Belial: “You know we could just blame the fleas and get away with it all, right”Hope: “Frenchie PLEASE! I have to get back to studying for my science projects! Between my party schedule and the five minute schedules they give me at work, I’m behind!”
Frenchie: “Nonsense! Now man up! We got a lot of duck down to beat each other up through and we got all night…”Pandemic: “You know, if I grow up, and actually become evil, you know what’s going to happen?”
Anguish: “What’s that.”
Pandemic: “I get your bed and you have to move out and sleep on the streets from now on.”
Anguish: “Yeah yeah. Good luck with that buddy. It’ll never happen.”Pandemic: “Oh yeah?! Just WATCH me, Anguish! Here I go, I’ll never see the inside of that stupid sleeping back ever again!!”
Anguish is already gone.
Rage: “Yay my son. Woo.”Hey, Pandemic actually turned out to be pretty good looking! However, his last trait, hot-headed, while assholey, is not evil, and therefore, unless Anguish suddenly becomes good, he’s not going to get heir. We shall see in the upcoming few days.
Rage: “Toot toot. Can I go to work now?”
Pandemic: “Yeah, I guess so, dad.”Oh shit! The birds are back! About time you could join us in the real world.
Archangel: “We go away on vacation for a week and come back and you guys are talking to the walls. And I thought the abandoned pet store was crazy enough.”Happiness: “Oh don’t worry, Ramiel. Just because the birds have returned doesn’t mean you aren’t still number one in our hearts and pockets.”
Ramiel: “Where in the hell am I now”Alright. It’s Hope’s last day as heiress. Love will grow up soon, and so Hope spent her last day on a fairly simple wish. To go fishing, which she needs the skill for her job anyway.Hope: “Ugh, another huge trout. This isn’t as fun or as cool as I thought it would be.”
You’re catching some big ass fish with ease, I don’t see what the problem here is.Hope: “Oh I see. Winter’s over and the snow’s packing up and going away.”
That was fast.Back at the house. Where the hell are you going.
Trust: “So apparently Percy doesn’t want to work through our problems, and I just… I just want to be friends with him again. I’m off to save the friendship.”
You can just DO that?Trust: “Oh Percy. I’ll be honest. I still have feelings for him. But I know now it’s never going to be meant to be. I’ll always have a place in my heart for him, and I do hope he at least feels the same.”
Percy: “Why do I smell cheese”Trust: “Percy, it’s me, Trust. Hey, I just want to talk. Can’t we just be friends again? I know you betrayed me and wrecked the end of my teenage years, but I forgive you. I still think you’re an important person in my life and I want to keep being friends with you. I don’t want to lose your lifelong friendship over you making out with my family… of all things… so what do you say?”Percy: “Ugh, do I have to.”
Trust: “Um. No? But I figured you could at least be a bigger person over you know. Betraying me.”
Percy: “If it gets you off my ass about this, whatever. Blah blah, friends again, ugh.”Trust: “You know what, eff off, you’re still trash. GOD I can’t even believe I TRIED with you.”
Percy: “WHAT DID I DO”Trust: “I’m distracted now. You ok over here, Fredrick? You look like you’re having a bad trip.”
Archie: “Fuck off broad! Can’t you see I’m having fun time with my main man Fredrick here?!”
Trust: “Actually… I CAN’T see you having fun time…”Percy: “Ok, I’m done having my weird manic episode, Trust! I hope you forgive me for being an asshole earlier and hope we can be friends after all!”
Trust: “Oh wow, Percy! I knew you’d come through. You’ve always been there for me.”
Fredrick: “No one move. I misplaced Archie’s feet and now he’s completely gone.”
Jefferson: “OH COME ON YOU’RE HOLDING UP THE TRACK HERE”Percy: “Oh shit, I’m sorry about that, Trust! I didn’t mean to sling you down and crack your skull on the ice! Sometimes I just don’t know my own strength.”
Fredrick: “So like I was saying, if you see a pair of disembodied feet stuck somewhere please contact me or his family. I don’t want to be the person that misplaces my bro.”
Jefferson: “I don’t know man, maybe you ARE having a bad trip here.”While Trust and Percy continue to build the remnants of their relationship back up on the ice, Felicity had to up and tap out. RIP to Toaster’s wife and Archie and Dianna’s mother.
Shopkeep: “So uh, no one else going to do anything about this dying woman? Does this mean I can go home early today?”
GET THE FUCK BACK TO WORK SLACKERReynaldo: “OOoooh! Who left this perfectly good dead woman here?!”
Don’t mess with your Aunt’s grave, Reynaldo. That’s not nice.Anyway, Love’s birthday now. I held out as long as I could to bump Hope around for skills, but it’s now time for a new chapter in command.
Happiness: “HAHA she was a baby once.”And SUCCESS! Love is cute. I still think her sister holds my heart, but I love Love just as much.
Her last trait is Kleptomaniac. Why Love. That’s not nice.
Love: “The only thing I want to steal around here is people’s hearts. I hope they love me.”
Her LTW is to be Super Popular and have 20 friends. Which seems so doable now that my computer, you know, WORKS.Yoink. Gimme that plumbob, Hope. Keep reading that book for as long as you can. Frenchie, fuck off, I see that pillow fight icon you ASSHOLE.
Alastor: “Me dead go away”First want? Get a charisma point. Which will definitely help in the long run when it comes to making friends.
Love: “Considering I DO have friends AND my own high school boyfriend I don’t know the first thing about socializing with anyone. Best to get my practice in while I can.”Pandemic: “Hey Love. You in here? Cool, good.”
Love: “Pandemic? What’s up dude? What brings you into my room, of all places?”Pandemic: “I’m stealing your bed now that you’re an adult and can fuck off and find somewhere else to sleep. I need this bed more than you do now.”
Love: “Well… that’s actually kind of true. You really need to get off that foot now that you completely twisted and shattered that ankle just now.”
Pandemic: “Shattered my… oh.”Love: “Thanks for coming to the park with me, guys! This is actually kind of cool, to get out and hang with everyone, especially since this is the first time I think the park has not had an event going on for as long as this town existed!”
Trust: “I know right? I’ve never seen chessboards out here ever! I wonder where they’ve been keeping them?”Distraction time. Oooh, the cheekbones on this child!
I meant to look at the genealogy, I’m guessing one of Reynaldo’s nieces or nephews but I didn’t bother to check at the time.Gator: “Hello, Love! My name is Gator and I’m also a friend of your cousin Rage.”
Love: “No, no! Don’t tell me! I can pick up all the info I need to know about you! Trust me, it’ll make this interaction so much easier with me.”Love: “Wait! No! Don’t bend down and play with the dog! The brainwaves will get crossed and I may never figure out who you are!!”
Gator: “Aw Pepper! Who’s a good doggie, puppy baby girl?!”Love: “Ok, now that I have established that you are Pepper of the Wolff clan, let’s take some samples for further measure, shall we?”
Gator: “Wait, WHAT?”Gator: “HOLD ON, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT”
Love: “Oh don’t worry, just some old probing equipment my father had laying around. Now hold still! Because if you squirm at all, this may rake the skin straight off your bone and that’s not the point of this interaction now is it?”Love: “Haha, I’m just playing Mr. Pepper sir! It’s a prank toy! I once read humans like humorous gag pranks while interacting with each other! Helps to break the ice and make friends, and trust me, we have plenty of ice around here to break.”
Gator: “Um. I don’t think that’s how it work, Love…”
Pepper: “I’m going on a limb and I’m gonna guess that Rage is going to be the only one here that gets to be your friend, Gator…”Love: “Oh man! This interaction stuff is harder than I thought! I’m gonna have to sit for a bit, reconnect with nature, reconnect with the universe, and build myself up for my next social interaction…”
Kathryn: “STINKY LEAF TIME”Love: “Hello, Mr. Reynaldo sir! Something deep inside me wanted to be friends with you all along, and I’m guessing it’s because we are both good birds of a feather? I want to test it out, if you don’t mind!”
Reynaldo: “Ah, give me a minute. I’m watching my mom rock around in the closet. It’s the closest thing I have to fun around here some days.”Love: “Oh WOW! Now that I got you in the good light, YOU BABY DADDY MATERIAL”
Oh wow really just like that huhReynaldo: “I’ll admit, I think you’re pretty handsome yourself, Love!”
Love: “Then let us not waste time, you lovely hunk of of a man!”WOW. That was quite possibly the fastest I’ve ever seen sims just… work.Ramon: “Oh GOD, now they’re going to make some freakish Florida ogre/alien cross baby! What horrors are going to unfold from this union?!”
Calm the fuck down you jerk bacon. They aren’t hooking up THAT quickly here.Oh shit. I guess they are.
NO TIME WASTED ON THESE TWOOH FUCK OFFReynaldo: “WOW! I can’t believe a girl let me do that to her! And the things she does in bed, WOWIE WOW WOW!”
Kathryn: “Uh, what’s going on in here in my bedroom?”
Love: “Um.”ggLove: “Oh no. Please tell me you aren’t like, his girlfriend or wife or something…”
Kathryn: “Oh thankfully no. I married his brother Ervin. But you ARE still in MY bedroom after all.”
Love: “Oh. Oh thank heavens! I know his status said he was single but man, you had me worried there for a second. No big deals then.”
Kathryn: “Excuse me”Oh wow. Talk about an absent philtrum.
Kathryn: “BIG lip sneef”Kathryn: “Wait, you got me off topic! You dickwad, how DARE you fool around with your hoebiscuit in MY bed!!”
Reynaldo: “But… no… this is my bed…”
Kathryn: “Not for much longer it isn’t! Now that I’m married to your brother, there’s going to be some changes around here, starting with your ass!”Kathryn: “Ugh, I can’t believe this family still keeps a crazy ass reject like you! That’s why you couldn’t even keep a girl around long before this one even came along! No one wants your insane ass! I’m telling you, the second Ervin and I finish the paperwork, you are getting booted out on your ASS.”Kathryn: “And then finally, this house will be all mine once you are out of my way.”
Love: “Oh just let me AT her, Reynaldo! I cannot stand the way she talks to you! Just let me in there for a SECOND, I will literally suck the life force out of her body with my brain for that!”
Reynaldo: “No baby it’s not worth it!”
In the end, Love befriended Kathryn almost instantly and all was well with the world for those two. Then apparently, a few minutes later, she and Ervin ended up moving out to some tiny dump on the far side of the town. Serves her right.Anyway. Rage, why are you even here.
Rage: “Uh. I followed Love?”
Get your ass out and, as a matter of fact, GO READ MY SIMSELF HER FORTUNE. You’ve put it off long enough.
Rage: “ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT.”Rage: “Oh Gerald, it’s time for your nightly ass burning.”
Gerald: “Sigh. Yes sir.”
Luckily for Gerald this time, Rage is out of magic and can’t do. That and my ass is watching him like a hawk, fuck off Rage.Rage: “PLEASE, Sabrina! It will look so good on my resume to have a simself’s fortune be read and I’ll look so good in front of the other fraudulent psychics at the Convention next week!”
Sabrina: “Oh, no, please, I already have ass for luck as it is, and I don’t need to know what further hell events are going to go down in my life right now! We only just started 2021 after all!”
Sadly enough, Sabrina is still a reluctant bitch so Rage didn’t get the fortune. AGAIN. No wonder he keeps burning my children.Love: “Oh there you are, Percy! I’ve been looking all over town for you tonight!”
Percy: “Oh? Come to be with me, my love? Hold me close by this furnace tonight as we express our love for each other?”
Elaine: “Not in my fuckin’ shop you ain’t.”Love: “Actually Percy, I… I have to break it off with you.”
Percy: “What?! WHY? I don’t understand!!”Love: “I… kinda hit it off with Reynaldo. We just work so well together. We just meld together, and our love for each other was instant. I have to follow my heart. I have to be with Reynaldo, Percy. I’m sorry.”
Percy: “Oh I see. You ran off and became a slut the instant you dropped out of high school. Whatever bike. Go be with your radioactive Tampa freak and leave my broken heart be.”Love: “Oh come OFF it, Percy. YOU’RE the one that kissed on my sister and broke her heart first, then kissed on my cousin, and that’s just the people I know about! Don’t even think about swinging those insults at me when you live and breath promiscuity!”
Elaine: “Oh DAMN, son”Elaine: “I’m sorry to step in, but holy shit. I never thought I’d see this kind of drama on my shift, ever! God, you two are better than any TLC bullcrap I’ve ever seen! My social media followers will never believe this!”
Love: “Friends though?”
Percy: “Ugh, nooo”Percy: “All this ANGER in my heart! All this RAGE! You have awakened the BEAST, LOVE!!”
Love: “Uh” Love: “PLEASE SPARE ME, Percy I’m too dainty for mauling!!”
Elaine: “Yeah don’t I just had the floor waxxed and stripped and if you fuck it up with your mess I will make sure you never see the light of day.”
Percy: “UGH, fine.”So to end the chapter here, I end it with Trust moving out and moving on with her life. She hasn’t reached the appropriate stage in her job for Hope’s wish for her, but she won’t garden on her own, and her job performance will soon suffer for it. She has a better chance reaching level three on science out on her own than under my “control”. If she reaches it or not has yet to be determined.
Ifrit: “UGH, finally. Ok guys, I caught up with you. What adult shenanigans are we gonna get into now?”
Krampus: “Nap time. That’s what we are getting into.”
Last chapter saw Percy kissing Trust out of the blue during trick or treat, and Happiness took the opportunity to berate his descendent into hating him. He deserves it anyway. Anguish became a furry, and Hope already seems to be successful in crossing people and creatures, however through magic and not science. Zoe died. Trust grew up and to honor her mother’s wishes, joined the scientist career.But first, graduation.
Hope: “Zack please get out of my daughter’s skull. She needs her brain to become the big time science girl I want her to be.”Off topic, but graduation bored me anyway. These two sims have some gigantic bizongas. Big hunga chungas. Whonking wacky bags. Funky fatties. And yet. They aren’t the same shape in any way.
Tiffanie: “That’s not even fair. They get two different shapes of boobies and all I got is a wash board. I want boobs too…”Celina: “You know, you really should watch where you walk with those things sticking out. They’re likely to impale someone at the angle you got those things at.”
Liza: “Oh don’t even @ me, I paid good money for this Victoria’s Secret bra and if it holds my titties up like this then it’s well worth it.”Trust: “I’m out! Dad look! I’ve made it!”
Rage: “I think you’re the only one that made it. You’re the only one that even graduated today.”Tiffanie: “Oh I’m a witch! Who knew.”
Avarice: “Oh wow. They really are just handing magical talent out to everyone with a checkbook huh.”
Pandemic: “WAAH! THAT’S NOT FAIR! OH MOTHER. WHY DIDN’T YOU BEAR ME WITH MAGICAL PROPERTIES TOO”Tiffanie: “Ah well. With this newly found gift for magic, I will now bestow upon me… the gift of the BIGGEST TIDDIES in town!!”
Anguish: “Lolwat”Marcella: “Oh, but foolish Tiffanie. Everyone in the town can tell your titties are 100% fake. No real boob will jut out that far from the bottom of your fucking ribcage, you baboon.”
Tiffanie: “And yet somehow they are still more real than yours, Marcella, at least I got the power to will mine into existence, how often do you have to go back to your surgeon to repair leakage every time you pop them on your own vampire teeth? Once a week?”Leaving the girls to their own catfight in front of the school (most likely slinging their own tits around as weaponry) Hope took the family to the local beach for her nightly party, to celebrate her daughter’s graduation, but mostly just to party.
Hope: “Yeah Love! This is all for you girl!! Mama loves you very much!”
Rage: “You dumbass, Love wasn’t the one that graduated, it was Trust. I’m starting to think it’s not Grace that’s the slow one but you instead.”Wilhelmina: “DAMN, Rage! No one told me you became such a STUD in your recent widowing! Lemme tap that two pack.”
Rage: “Oh GIRL. I didn’t know you felt that way about me.”
Yeah you did.Everyone seems to be at least enjoying this party. In their own special way I guess.
Percy: “I’ll race you to that island and back, Love!”
Love: “I think the laws of physics are going to prevent me from participating, dude.”Percy: “Wait, why are my pants getting wet”
Love: “Oh now I see why they are holding you back for another grade, Percy.”Anguish: “Oh my Lordt, this is the moment I’ve been waiting for! My moment to release my Inner Frog! My amphibious breathen, I have RETURNED to the sea.”
Anguish, frogs aren’t salt water.
Percy: “I just had the most brilliant idea ever! I took my clothes off and it allowed me to sink into the water. Now my clothes will stay dry AND I can swim with you guys! I’m so brilliant.”Ira: “It’s a good thing I take my oversized hair dryer everywhere I go! I mean, after all, how else would I be able to keep my hair this fabulous otherwise.”
Hope: “B-but I don’t und-d-derstand… there wasn’t even snow when we got here an hour ago, where did this freak weather even come from?!”
Grace: “Oh man. That’s so crazy. But they were right, your legs are the HAIRIEST I have ever seen in my LIFE, Archie! That’s so sick lol”
Archie: “Not the focus here but I like your stupidity, girl. Friendship points to that.”Upon rescuing Hope, Ira then followed Grace into the sea while she was wearing her good suit, never to be seen again. Like the hero guardian angel he is.
Anguish: “MY FROG BROTHERS!! JOIN ME IN MY FROG SONG OF FROGGINESS *sings bad Alicia Keys*”
Hope: “I really think it’s time to go home now…”Apparently everyone managed to stay through through the party except Rage. He got a phone call from Wilhelmina (who called him from five feet away I’m sure) to ask him on a date, and they ended up halfway across town for it. Well, I say they did. The only one here is Rage, so a pretty big dick move on Wilhelmina’s part, you know, considering she was THERE.
Franklin: “I’m pretty sure she juked you man. I think you got stood up and pranked hard.”
Rage: “You don’t think I ain’t realized that yet? Man, fuck that bitch.”
You need a new best friend I believe, Rage.Finally got around to getting dickhead back out of the house. At least for a while. Don’t prune while you’re in there all night, Happiness.
Happiness: “What are you on about, I’m just washing my good clothes since you apparently just never installed Ambitions like you thought you did.”
He’s right, I realized way too late into this generation. I’m so STUPID.Happiness: “I just got to sit in here a little bit longer. My Guccis are almost completely smudge free.”
You do that.Anguish: “DAD HELP! EMPTY MONSTER CAN HAS GONE RABID! CODE RED DAD, CODE RED!!”
Rage: “Damn, and all I wanted was a plate of waffles.”Anguish: “Fuck, I can’t believe I got my ass beaten by my own IF. This is more hurty than I thought it would be.”
Rage: “I’m more disappointed at you losing to a figment of your imagination than I thought I would be but I’m not surprised.”Rage: “You’re grounded for losing a fight with yourself until winter is over!”
Anguish: “This stinks.”
Had to replace the ugly ass fridge in the end after all. I’m not even going to make it match, it’s going to break in a day too anyway.You guys remember Lana right? She’s looking SO GOOD. Can’t believe I ever doubted Cruelty’s line.
Lana: “Of course.”Lana: “BARFFFKAJGL”
And the circle of life looks like it will continue! Or she’s just that disgusted by this nasty ass house. High probability.Reynaldo: “TURKEY”
Grace: “Oh not this butthole again.”
Another party! I hardly even cared to watch this one I don’t care about parties anymoreeeeeePercy: “Thanks for inviting me to this get together, Avarice. I had so much fun with you…”
Oh no, oh God I recognize that stanceAvarice: “Oh”
Trust: “I can’t… I can’t BELIEVE… he KISSED MY COUSIN??! While I’m RIGHT HERE IN THIS KITCHEN?! I can’t believe he did this to me! How could he hurt me like this?!”Trust: “This is all HIS fault! Yeah! He should get kicked out for this!”
Pandemic: “WHAT IN THE FLYING FUCK DID I DO”Rage: “Oh NO. Oh hell NO. Boy get back here you little whore shit”
Percy: “Nice party byeeeeeeee~”
Trust: “Eat nightsoil.”Rage: “NO, get back here and catch these hands for kissing on my son like that you little heifer!”
Avarice: “Daddy I like men now”
Trust: “I can’t believe I ever thought he would be faithful to me… and all along it turns out he was just shameless…”
Love: “…. me”Ervin: “FUCKIN THINK YOU CAN JUST WALK IN HERE AND SHOW US UP HUH YOU LITTLE FALLEN PIECE OF SHIT I love you”
Hope: “WHAT THE H DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS IS THIS FOR DUDE”Ervin: “I have defeated the home intruder, Ramon!”
Ramon: “The fuck do I care, man”
Hope: “Is this how you greet all house guests here?! I just wanted to make friends with your mother!”Ervin: “By the way, I was serious earlier, do you want to go out sometime, or”
Hope: “I don’t even know who’s talking to me right now”Checking in on you, Grace. How’s life going for you.
Grace: “It’s feels like I’m forgetting something. I just can’t put my finger on it. What could it be.”
Considering you didn’t even turn the lights on to cook your loaf, it really could be one of anything.Hope: “Oh wow! You must be Jaime! Grandpa told me all kinds of stories about you while I was growing up!”Jaime: “YOU HEARD NOTHING”
Hope: “GAH! THEY WERE ALL GOOD THINGS I HEARD ABOUT YOU I SWEAR”
Avarice: “Man why do I keep walking into these bad vibe situations.”Jaime: “Good thing you’re so hot or I could have easily taken you down.”
Hope: “Humph! Keep this up and I won’t even think about sending you a Valentine’s day card.”He’s here because of BIRTHDAY! PARTY!! Of course. And it’s Hope’s! Life’s moved on fairly quick for our girl, hasn’t it.
Rage: “This is bullshit. I’m not gonna grow up any time soon and you all can’t make me.”
Pandemic: “Dad no one asked.”Hope: “I think I can say I’ve aged fairly well! I still think I’m doing pretty good if you ask me.”
Grace: “This sucks. All this means is I’m going to get old and creaky soon too. Where did my life go.”Jaime: “Oh hey friend! Friend!!”
Happiness: “Haha I snuck in when no one was looking.”Rage: “Now that’ the party is over, it’s your turn to do the dishes. Fucking suffer, kid.”
Love: “ZZz, ~in the arms of the angel~”The fuck. French Revolution? Where did you come from?
Frenchie: “I came here to PARTY! In case you forgot, it’s also my birthday too, is it not?!”
Yeah but I thought you effed off life stages ago…Frenchie: “You thought you saw the last of me, huh Hope! Well you’re wrong! You’re DEAD wrong! Feel the full force of my revenge!”
Hope: “I’m so dang tired of this…”OH
GONNA CONTINUE TO BE A WHORE HUH PERCY
Love: “I’m gonna take the offer because when else will I get the opportunity to be asked out for prom :3”
Trust and Avarice: “BACK STABBER”Rage: “Please let me in, trees make me nervous.”
Are you here to actually give my simself her private reading or not, Rage? That’s starting to get overdue.Gerald: “MOM HE LIED! HE’S ONLY HERE TO SET ME ON FIRE AGAIN WHEN YOU AREN’T LOOKING”
FUCKING REALLY, RAGE
Rage: “I can’t believe you trusted me long enough to leave me alone long enough to do this.”Gerald: “Why do you keep doing this to us, Mr. Fallen sir… I’ve opened our home to you and you ruin my last good pair of Fruit of the Looms.”
Rage: “Yeah, I just don’t know how to socialize on my own, what do you really expect of me.”Hm. Cozy and warm down there, Pandemic?
Pandemic: “I know no other comfort than nature’s cold embrace.”
Yeah. Blame your mother for that, surely not my fault.Sabrina: “FUCK I got old. Y’all couldn’t leave me alone long enough to plan my retirement huh? You got to drag me to another one of your lame little get togethers?”
Anguish: “We have no real friends so yeah.”
Reynaldo: “I’m friend.”
Anguish: “Yeah yeah, whatever you think, Ogre.”Reynaldo: “Really? A gift giving party here in the kitchen? I don’t think that’s a really good substitute for a Snowflake Day tree, do you?”
Hope: “Listen, the cats were body blocking our usual gift giving spot so deal with it. At least we are having a party.”
Grace: “Well, I hope you enjoy the hor d’ourves! It’s five pieces of sushi I managed to find in the back of the fridge. Now don’t you all go fighting over it.”Archie: “Oh fuck your weak ass whore d’ourves, Grace! I brought some REAL fish here! Guarenteed to put some real meat on your bones! Eat MY fish or I’ll punch you in the face.”
Hope: “We will take your fish, and threats, with great care, Archie.”REALLY ANGUISH
YOU RUINED OUR PISSLESS WINNING STREAK!! WHY!! WE WERE DOING SO WELL FOR ONCE TOO
Hope: “So much for getting the family score out of the negative triple digits for once.”Anguish: “This isn’t my fault! That Empty Monster Can! It’s his fault! He kicked me in the bladder the other day! I can’t keep it in anymore!”
Uh huh.Anyway the party was jack shit bad. They blamed the chairs for not being able to pick up gifts then proceeded to spend the party yelling at everyone else.
Reynaldo: “His head looks like a grape.”OH, so much for comfort, Pandemic.
Pandemic: *Eats snow*Trust: “YOU.”
Percy: “What, I ain’t even do shit this time.”
Reynaldo: “Hehe. Bugs.”Reynaldo: “You broke her heart, you horrible little whelp! You don’t even deserve a second chance from her if it were up to me!”
Percy: “Oh mind your damn business you piss goblin.”Pandemic: “….So, the party is over?”
The party never even really happened, Pandemic. I’m sorry.Love: “Oh well, party was a bust, but surely prom won’t be! Speaking of which, you ready to go, Percy?”Percy: “Sure am! Got my suit pressed and ready to go!”
Love: “Suit? Aw man, no, the prom is Northface themed. Put your coat back on, I can’t have the cool kids see you with me looking like that.”
Oh of course.Avarice: “Oops! I can’t go to prom. Someone rang the doorbell! I got to attend to that instead, make sure it’s nothing too important.”
REALLYReagan: “It’s just me. I know it’s smack in the middle of the Christmas season but if I don’t get my Halloween candy I’m going to go feral.”
Anguish: “Do you think anyone would notice if I snuck my fursuit into prom when the adults aren’t looking?”So you really aren’t going to change out of your outerwear for prom huh? Go figure.
Percy: “Maybe if the school actually turned the heat on in this place we wouldn’t have to worry about that kind of thing!”
Well I guess I can’t help it. I never let my kids fix that busted ass boiler they keep going on about.Of course Percy had to go three for three. All he needs to do is mack on Pandemic and Anguish and he’d have the full generation wrapped around his finger.Though I don’t think I have to worry too much about Anguish.
Ethan: “SHE’S DRESSED AS A GIANT FROG, HOW COME I’M THE JOKE HERE”At least Love looked like she had a good time. If Percy grows up good, maybe, just maybe, they can be a lovely lasting couple.
Though at the rate Percy is going, he’s anything but good.