Archive | January 2013

Being Interesting

WHAT. IT. DO.

I would offer an explanation or excuse why I haven’t updated in almost a month, but really I don’t have one.  Other than laziness.  I’d say school’s back in session (my last semester, woo) but that’s not ever really been a problem with me.  I don’t know, I’ll just pretend that you forgive me and go about my business.

hummmmm

Does anyone remember me saying anything about breeding these two chucknuts together?  Because I totally did, and their babies are adorable.

M0 W0

When I am done with this chapter I’ll add them to the exchange, so by the time you are done reading this, Marlon and Wulfric should be up.  And if they aren’t, send anonymous hate messages to me until I break down, cry, and upload them then.***

***Disclaimer: Do not fucking do that.  

1Liam: “Who’s there?!  I know my phone rang?  Mommy?”

Apparently around this time, Liam started butt dialing himself as well.  That or Eunice is prank calling him from the other room so she’s not the only one going crazy about this by herself.

2Jealously: “Behold, my subjects!  As your new dictator, I demand all your loyalty and sweets.  Remember that old saying ‘let them eat cake’?  Do not let them eat cake.  Screw them.  That is my cake, and I demand it returned to me immediately.   Why the hell do they have my cake?!  Off with their heads!”

There you are, Jealousy.  I came looking for you after school let out and you didn’t come home.  I had no idea someone invited you over to their house.

Jealousy: “Pfft, who said I was invited?”

3Jealously: “Damn, I didn’t find the door and go home in time for me to avoid this fail.  Dammit!  House child, catch me before I fall!”

Boy-Girl Child: “Ok, just fall back, I got you.  Trust me!”

4Boy-Girl Child: *Sidestep*

Jealously: “You sunovuhbmzzzzzz…”

5Jealousy: *Is guillotined*

BGC: “She was right, that was the best game of Marie Antoinette ever.”

5.5Damn, having rich friends really does help.

Evalin: “Hee hee, promotion here I come.  Bite it, Angela.”

6A picture of Happiness, just because he doesn’t do anything, and is really boring.  Just proving that he still exists.

Happiness: “Yep, I’m here, being good and out of the way.  I’m okie-dokie on my end.  Even if this bathroom is a little bland still.”

7Eunice: “UGH!  I can’t STAND how boring you are!  Do something interesting!  Be a rebel!  Make a damn name for yourself already you waste of space!”

Happiness: “Oh!  I’m sorry Aunt Eunice!  I’ll try harder!”

At least someone is trying to light a fire under his butt.

8Jealousy: “Mom and Mama!  I need help please!  I don’t ask for much, but when I do, I just want-NO, please don’t start woohooing in front of me!  Like I don’t have enough trauma in this house as it is!”

9Jealously: “My life, why is this happening”

10Eunice: “That kid’s still in the room.”

Evalin: “And?”

Eunice: “Eh, you’re right.”

11Jealousy was so upset about watching her mothers’ woohoo she went and slept in her correct bed on her own.

Unlike some jackass cousins of hers.

12Kindess: “You’d think anyone would learn about this by now, but I really need a story read to me or I can’t sleep at night.  Mom and dad managed to avoid me and snuck off to bed before I could get to them, so that leaves you, Aunt Eunice.  Will you read to me some of my favorite stories?”

Eunice: “Eeeh… sure.”

13Happiness: “I was thinking about what you said really, Aunt Eunice.  And I’d like to try to be more interesting.  How about you read me a bedtime story instead?”

Kindess: “You can’t cash in on my thing, Happiness… you stink at it…”

14Kindess: “Ahem… I AM EXHAUSTED.  AND I NEED A STORY READ TO ME NOW.  PLEASE.  DON’T MAKE ME FAIL OVER HERE.”

Eunice: “Well, out of the two of you, you are the biggest asshole when it comes to bedtime.  I guess I better go take care of you first.”

15Evalin: “Doing good kid.  Stomp your feet a little more, be more intimidating.  Atta’ boy.  You will rule a large continent one day with valor, my son.”

16Evalin: “Oh, I KNOW that dirty little brat isn’t in MY bed, Eunice.  You better get him out right now.”

Eunice: “Sorry Evalin.  But it’s the first bed he ran to, I had no choice…”

Evalin: “Well you better make it your choice, before something burns.”

17Kindness: “Alright, that was a good story!  But I’m still so tired, I need anoth-”

Eunice: “NO!  THAT IS IT, YOU LITTLE SHIT! I AM FED UP, EVERYONE ELSE IS FED UP, AND AFTER THIS LEGACY CHAPTER I’M DOWNLOADING THAT  MOD FOR YOUR BROKEN LITTLE BRAIN”

18Eunice: “GET OUT OF OUR BED AND GO TO SLEEP SOMEWHERE ELSE! I WILL BREAK YOU.”

Kindness: “Mmm, I could use some waffles. *oblivious*”

19Happiness: “I decided to cancel going to school, hanging out with you today Aunt Eunice.  How are you today?”

Eunice: “Oh no you didn’t, boy…”

20Eunice: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!  I DON’T EXPECT THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR FROM YOU, YOU LITTLE TWIRP!  I DON’T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOU!”

Happiness: *sadface*

21Eunice: “And that is why I’m proud of you.  Skipping school, I expect that from my own kids.  Being a rebel, good job.  Keep up the good work.”

Happiness: “Um, thank you, Aunt Eunice?”

22Angela: “I came back from work just to tell you to go to school or you will be in a lot of trouble, young man.”

Eunice: “Why would you tell him that, he’s just starting to become interesting.”

23Jealousy: “Now I see why he was trying to stay home.  At least he almost made it back to school.”

Kindness: “How can he just lay there and sleep like that?  No one even read him a story before he passed out!”

24Angela: “Please Renauld!  I need a charitable donation for work!  I know your wife was able to give my sister one, so I hoped you were able to help me too!”

Renauld: “If I close my eyes, maybe she’ll think I’m dead and will go away… oh… everytime I close my eyes I still see stories… so many stories…”

25The Vanderburg’s are slowly becoming a favorite family of mine.

26Meanwhile, while no one cared, Envy had a birthday party.

27Envy: “Go fucking figure.  Not like I need anyone anyway.”

His new trait is hot-headed.  So close, but not quite evil enough.  He still has some time left before the next heir is called for an upset.

28Envy: “So.  Um.  I’m really tired over here.”

Renauld: “Why did I follow Angela home.  Why am I here.  I feel a horrible presence behind me.  Why can’t I be dead already.”

29After that was all said and done, Envy has my favorite room in the house, even if it’s the smallest.

30Evalin: “I feel that you have a lot of opportunity in you, my son.  I think you can do some great and terrible things in your life.  That is why I want to be your friend, Envy.”

Envy: “Oh.  Thanks mom.”

31Evalin: “But I also can’t stand the presence of another child in this house.  So I also wish to send you to a boarding school.  As of tomorrow morning, I want you to pack your crap and get in the car, you are going away for a long time, Envy.”

Envy: “This is bullshit.”

32Kindness: “I’M EXHAUSTED.”

Jealousy: “I never ask for much, but when I do…”

Envy: “Read them a story before me, and I’ll beat the crap out of you, old man!”

Renauld: “Why.  Why?!  I’ve been trapped… oh sweet lord have mercy on my soul, I beg of you…”

33And then a beautiful thing happened.  Everyone went to bed at the same time and in their correct beds, except for Happiness who had just woken up, Liam sleeping in the floor and Envy who slept in Happiness’ bed, but it was close enough for me!

AND THEN THE GAME CRASHED

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER

AND I DON’T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I SAVED

IT WAS SAD AND THIS IS WHERE THE CHAPTER ENDS FOR THE DAY

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Killing Renauld With Kindness

1Kindness: “What was I doing?  Oh, that’s right, being awesome.”

Guess what, everyone!  After this chapter, I’m finally caught up with myself in this legacy!  Which means for more chapters to happen, I have to actually get back to playing this family.  It’s not like I’m not, of course, just not lately.  It’ll pick up eventually though, definitely.

2Angela: “No son, you were on your way to the bus to go to school.  You need to get to school and learn your subjects in class.”

Kindness: “Did you learn how to make vegetarian salmon yet, mother.”

Angela: “Just get your little butt on that bus, boy.”

3Eunice: “Hello?!  I know someone is there, I know someone is prank calling me, and when I find out who it is, I’m going to your house, and stapling you to your doorframe!  Hello?!  Hello?!  There is no way in hell I’m butt dialing myself that many times!”

I’m sorry honey.  But you are.  Even if you aren’t wearing pants.

Happiness: “Haha, I’m in the wrong crib!  I’m enjoying myself right now.”

4Angela is the first of the two heirs to fail, so disappointing.

Angela: “Still ahead… in my career… so… worth it…”

5Astrid: “My sweet neice, how are you today?  I hear it’s your birthday, come with Auntie Astrid while I can still hold you, dear.”

Jealousy: “Humph, whatever, anything to get out of this damn chair they’ve left me in.”

6Astrid: “My word, you look just like your freaky mother.”

Kindness: “Hmm, this book is going to be so good, I wonder if I can get someone to read this to me later.”

It’s going to be a multiple birthday party.  Sounds like fun?  You bet.

7Happiness goes first, and Angela is there to help him.

Angela: “Who’s ready to sing the birthday song?!”

Kindness: “Not going to, mother.  This book is soo good, maybe later.”

8Happiness: “Giddy up, partner!  Woo, I love being five!  This is going to be great, and JAGTDISKLGA”

Lonnie: “You are right, kid!  This is a good book.  What page are you on, twenty four, right?”

9Second up is Envy, who is a very intriguing mix of his parents.  I like him a lot.  I almost wish he’d get the evil trait, but at this rate, we won’t know yet.

10Eunice: “Well, all that was fine, but I’m off to work for the first time since, I have no clue.”

Evalin: “What the hell, woman.  You have a job?”

Astrid: “Yep, so late at night, of course!  She’s a hooker.”

Eunice: “You want to get hit by a van, Astrid?”

11Eunice: “Hold up, fine.  I’ll miss this time for my kid’s birthday.  That’s important too.”

Astrid: “She’s not keeping this job for very long, Evalin.”

Evalin: “She better, we need that cash.”

12Astrid: “Alright.  This is about as thrilled as I can get about this.  Cool, cool.  I shall incorporate my cruelty into an artistic muse, since that’s what I’m into now.”

Artistic, so all her artwork is probably going to be paintings in blood, I suppose.

13Kindness: “Alright!  Birthdays!  Congratulations everyone, you are all older, more experienced, what a happy day!”

Jealously: “Hey dumbfuck, the birthdays are over, if you didn’t have that book wedged so far up your ass, you would have noticed that already.”

14Happiness: “Have you seen my new bed, Jealousy?  My favorite color, and it’s so soft!  Isn’t your bed the same color as mine?  I bet it’s a nice new bed too!”

Jealousy: “No, mine’s blue, Happiness.  Yours is a girly little powder baby color, since you are a little powder baby yourself.  It’s fitting.  Mine is better.”

15Happiness: “I’ll be the judge of this!  Hmm, this is a nice bed so far.  Night night.”

No one will find their own beds ever.  I can see that right now.

16Jealousy: “Whatever, if I can’t have my own bed, I’ll take stupid Kindness’.  It’s not like he’s going to use it anyway.”

17She’s right, he’s still trying to catch up on all the birthday parties in the living room still.

Kindness: “Must have a slice of cake from everyone’s cake.  Must honor everyone’s birthday.  Even if it’s 3 in the morning, I must go through with this and complete my duty.”

I won’t be surprised if you grow up fat, kid.

18White Horse: “I am back, and I am concerned.  Where’s that lanky loser and the watermelon?”

19I think this was about the time I installed the Supernatural EP.  And with that, Eunice turned into an ant.

Eunice: “It kinda sucks, now that even the smallest ponds to me look like massive oceans.  Anyway.  Don’t step on me, Happiness.”

Happiness: “Who’s saying that?”

20Envy: “I hate everything, now that everything is back to normal after birthdays, I’m back on the backburner again.”

Lillith: “Sorry kid.”

21Angela: “Oh wow, I get a new van, Evalin!  Look at how pretty it is, and it looks larger and so roomy.  I hope you get to join me in it soon!”

Evalin: “Run her over driver.  Run her over and her little promotion, I want to see her a smudge on the side of that fancy little promotion van of hers.”

After she got off of work later, Evalin also got that promotion.  So she got over it and moved on with her life.

22Eunice: “Please.  I don’t like this anymore.  If you are really prank calling me, I’m begging you now.  Stop calling me.

Because.  If you do it again, I’ll trace the call.  I will send my wife’s lackeys to your house, and they will brutally murder your face.”

23She got over it and spent the remainder of her afternoon with her music box.

Eunice: “So beautiful, and haunting.  I like haunting.”

24Liam on the other hand, keeps himself useful.  Who needs a maid when we got him.

25Evalin: “Yo Gary!  Come over here, I just want to talk!  I promise I won’t punch you in the face!  Hard.”

Gary: “Oh no, she’s here, she’s got to be here for a reason… she wants to hurt me, she wants to cause me bodily harm… what do I do, someone save me!”

Evalin: “Just come here so I can fulfill a want, and I’ll go away the quicker you do this.”

26Evalin: “Alright numbnuts, tell me right here right now why I shouldn’t bitchslap the piss out of you right now!”

Gary: “Because you lay a hand on me right now and I’ll knock you into next week!  You don’t scare me, you evil bitch!  You may have this whole town under your thumb, but I’ll kick your ass!”

27Evalin: “You!  You are mean spirited too!  Oh!  I hold so much more respect for you, Gary!”

Gary: “R-really?!  Thank you Mrs. Fallen!  That actually means a lot coming from you!  Awesome!”

I actually wish he also had the evil trait too.  He’s so cute, I’d marry him into the evil line in a heartbeat.  Maybe he’s good, I’ll check around later.

28Kindness: “Look!  It’s one of mother’s friends!  Renauld, is it sir?  Would you like to take part in a family activity with us today?  It involves books, and-”

Jealousy: “Stop, stop right there before you get too far ahead, Kindness.  You chase away one of the few friends this family has with your constant story begging, they won’t find your corpse!”

29Jealousy: “Stop Mr. Vanderburg.  I like you.  I like you more than I like a lot of people.  Don’t you dare go into that house and go near that bookshelf.  Aunt Angela invited your ass over here for a reason, so you better get in that back yard and get on that trampoline with her right now.”

You know what Jealousy reminds me of right now?

Grumpy cat: “I never really liked Kindness anyway.”

I see it anyway.

30Angela: “I would love to jump with my best friend and his new hip!  I hope Renauld will make it to the back yard soon and LEAVE HIM ALONE ALREADY KINDNESS”

31Kindness: “But… I have a bookbag of new books I would really enjoy…”

Renauld: “I feel a little presence behind me.  It’s… not pleasant…”

He hobbles so slowly, and has to stop every few seconds because Kindness wants storrrieeees

I can’t seem to have Angela call Renauld enough times to save his life if he depended on it.

32Angela: “Hurry Renauld!  I’ve been jumping for hours!  I don’t think I can do it for too much longer…”

Renauld: “I’m coming… I’m almost there… Oh lord, I can feel his presence coming around the corner…”

Angela: “GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK, KINDNESS”

33Angela: “OH NOOO*Splat*”

Renauld: “Damn, I was SO CLOSE!”

Kindness: “Alright, I have the Velveteen Rabbit, I have One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, oh, I just can’t wait to read!”

Angela: “NO, NO I WILL NOT LET MY OWN SON WIN THIS ROUND”

And she got back on the trampoline and eventually Renauld did too.

SUCK IT KINDESS HOLY SHIT JUST GO TO BED

34Madeline: “Boo, why would you sleep like this in public!  No one wants to see you woman, you are so stupid and in the way!”

Carl: “Hee hee.  Yeah!”

35Madeline: “Oh LORD!  Look at what you did!  You made me yell myself into labor!  I’m having a baby!”

Carl: “It ain’t mine.”

Evalin: “BABY?” *suddenly wide awake*

36Evalin: “I shall take you to the hospital!”

Madeline: “Oh.  No.  Now about no.  Not dressed like that you aren’t.”

Carl: “Oh SNAP!  That is so hilarious!  Hahahaha!  Strangely, person person plus! …I’m so turned on right now.”

Ok then.

37Renauld: “I do like green eggs and ham!  Thank you, thank you, Sam I Am.”

Kindness: “Wow, that was a really good story, Renauld!”

38Renauld: “Alright, I better go back to my house no-”

Kindness: “Another, another!”

Does anyone know if there is a mod out there that can just FIX THIS DAMN SHIT?!  OR EVEN REMOVE IT?!  OR CAUSE KINDNESS TO FEEL PHYSICAL PAIN EVERY TIME HE THINKS OF STORIES?!

39Renauld: “I’m going to spank you… not for punishment, but for your pleasure, and mine… wait a damn minute, your parents let you read this smut?!”

Kindness: “It’s Aunt Eunice’s favorite bedtime story to read me!  I love it!  My favorite adventure book series!”

Renauld: “This is making my brain literally hurt.”

40Kindness: “Wasn’t that fun!  I love adventure time with Anastasia and Christian!  Another story?”

Renauld: “Oh god, this kid is going to kill me.”

Just run for it Renauld!  Run for your life!

41Kindness: “Hey!  Where the poop are you going?!  You have to read me stories!  You promised!  I need story time Renauld!  Come back! We can get through the rest of the Dr. Suess series in the next four hours!”

Renauld: “This is how I die.”

That poor man.

42Angela: “Kindness, we’ve gone over this!  You can’t sleep in mommy’s and daddy’s bed!  You have your own room, why can’t you sleep there?”

Kindness: “I need a lot of comfort during story time.  I can spread out more.”

Renauld: “Please, I have a brick in my car.  Bring it to me, and bash me in the head as hard as possible until I stop moving.”

43Eventually, he finally went back to his own room.  Thank fuck.

Kindness: “I figured I have had my fun for the day.  Goodnight.”

I might just hate you too much, Kindness.

44Evalin: “Dammit.  Way to be a failure, Angela.”

Angela: “I can’t… help it… new promotion… so stressful…”

Evalin: “Bite me, bitch.”

45Angela: “Oops, I guess I didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

Evalin: “YOU THINK YOU DIDN’T GET SLEEP, BITCH, I COULD STUFF YOU IN THAT OVEN”

46Angela: “Help me, help Evalin, I don’t want to burn to death!”

Evalin: “Well let go of my damn arm!  I will use YOU to smother this fire out if you don’t stop getting in my way!”

47Angela: “But if we die, it’s over!  We lose everything!  I don’t want to lose everything, Evalin!”

Jealousy: “Bitch, shut up and let my mama do her job, damn!”

48Evalin: “Yeah, I guess it would be bad if we lost everything…”

Eunice: “You aren’t going to loose me, Evalin!  Stop spraying me, I’m not on fire!  Stop!”

Evalin: “Aw, don’t tell me what to do, I’m having fun with this now!”

49Eunice: “Hey check it, Liam.  The fire truck is finally here.”

Liam: “But the fire is over.  Sigh, they are so incompetent.”

Eunice: “Tell me about it.  Wanna go out there and set their truck on fire.  I bet you they will be late to it too.”

Liam: “Actually, yeah, let’s do that.  Something I finally agree with you with, Eunice.”

Everyone agrees with you at this moment.

50Carpool driver: “Am I clear to back up any more, guys?”

Evalin: “Yeah.  Go a little farther.  Three more feet and you can take out our mail box!”

Angela: “Sigh.”

51At the end of this chapter, Evalin’s midlife crisis finally ended.  Of course she only completed two wishes, they were only two wishes she wished for.

Evalin: “I’m doing too much evil to worry about shit like that.”

And she’s still with Eunice.  Good for them two!  I suppose.

Story Time

My first chapter of the new year!  Happy new year, everyone!  My resolutions involve replying to comments more often, and keeping up with other legacies better than I have been doing lately!

No, that’s not true.  But it should be my resolution.

GETOFFMYCOMPUTER

Liam’s resolution is to not be a dick so often and stop popping up on the official website every time I need to do something there.

1Evalin: “Just a flirt, a harmless little flirt from you sir, unless you don’t want it to be harmless.  I can do the opposite if you’d like.”

Emmit: “Uh, I pass.  On both.  Definitely not in the junkyard.  Go away, lady!”

It’s kind of nice that he can let her down and negatively respond to the flirt and she still gets her wish anyway.  Less baggage that way, and she can go back home to her wife.

2Back at home, Kindness continues the fails for Angela’s side of the family, being the first to pass out.

Angela: “Maybe I should have done something about him when he was crying?  Oh golly gee.”

You think?

3Eunice: “Congratulations shitsack, you ruined our winning streak!  We were doing good to find beds and not loose points failing, but then you came along!”

Angela: “Oh, he’ll be fine, he’s just a baby, I’m sure he’s going to grow out of this soon!”

4Soon it was time for Kindness’ birthday, well, if their bedroom didn’t become a clogged sink.

Liam: “Please ma’am, this isn’t the place to discuss politics!  I’m trying to take my son to his birthday cake!”

Caterina: “Hee hee… like I care.”

5Angela: “Yay, grow big and strong, sweetheart!”

Evalin: “Wait a damn minute, why the hell am I out here again?!”

6Kindness: “I didn’t have an all bad babyhood!  But I am terrified of televisions now, so can we just not have them in the house, please?”

Evalin: “HAAAAH, a technophobe!  That was almost worth my time out here!  I’m going inside now.”

Kindness got to roll his own trait, but that’s what he got.

7Kindness: “Live entertainment is so much better than a channel on an electrical box, now don’t you think?”

Evalin: “I think  that this The Wiggles rip off party guy you hired sucks and if he plays Wheels on the Bus one more time, I’m stabbing him in the armpits with my fork.”

8Angela: “Happy birthday son!  For your birthday we were going to get your own room, but we are still broke, but we chipped in and got you your own bed!  Now isn’t that nice, it’s got compartments under it and it’s got dinosaurs, and it’s your favorite color…”

9Kindness: “Nah, I think I’ll be fairly more comfortable in your large doublewide, thanks.”

Angela: “Oh, ok then, I’ll just… sleep in your bed then.”

Liam: “When am I ever going to get that unicorn?”

10Liam: “Alright, this is a tale about a magical rabbit, and how he finds his way back to his friends through the magical forest of-”

11Liam: “I give up, this story time stuff is hard.”

Kindness: “I better go do other things, and complain about being tired the whole time!  Yeah, I think I’ll go do that!”

12Kindness: “Oh no!  NO!  NOOOOOOO! EVERYONE!  THE TOILET IN THE BATHROOM IS BROKEN!!”

Eunice: “HURNGH, WHO THE HELL CARES RIGHT NOW, KID”

13Liam: “Eunice!  CALL A PLUMBER!  This is an emergency!  We NEED that toilet!”

Kindness: “Dad, I don’t think she’s listening!  But it looks like she’s got to go to the potty something awful!  We NEED a repairman!  STAT! Hurry dad!”

Eunice: “I HATE EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE SO EFFING MUUUUUUUUCH”

14And then, baby Envy was born!  So far his traits involve a love of outdoors and eccentricity, so of course so far he’s not in the running for heirship, but he might have a couple birthdays before that’s determined.  His favorites are Irish Green (how coincidental), hamburger, and Roots like his sister Jealousy.

15Meanwhile, Kindness, over the shock of a clogged toilet and lack of common bed sense, passes out a second time this legacy and this chapter.

Eunice: “Hee hee hee!  With him passing out and screwing everything up for his legacy with his fails, my family will prevail as the best!”

Probably.

16Of course he shouldn’t feel so bad, his father pisses himself for the second time, right after Kindness’ fail.

Liam: “My poor son!  He gets his loserness from me, I’m sure of it!”

So am I, Liam.

17And then soon after, Happiness passed out as well.

Eunice: “NO ONE EVEN REMEMBERS WHO THIS KID IS, GAAAH!”

18Liam: “Alright son, now that you are finally back in bed, here’s one of my favorite stories as a child, it’s called Sherlock Holmes and the Missing-”

19Liam: “I can’t do this, this is WAY TOO MUCH WORK, and I’m too tired to go through with this!”

Kindness: “It’s ok, I’m still awake, and in the mood for more stories!  This is so much fun!”

Suddenly I hate this kid so much right now.

20Hey look, he found his mother’s sleeping bag I so conveniently planted in his inventory!

Sweet dreams, you deranged brat.

21About this time in the legacy Showtime was installed into my computer, and I decided double photos from photobooths are going to be where it’s at this legacy!  Probably not portraits because stuff.  Besides, Angela picking her nose and Evalin giving the camera the middle finger is where it’s at!

Also, speaking on behalf of Angela’s sudden hairbow:

22Angela: “Evalin!  Check it out!  The hairbow that I’ve had since the VERY VERY BEGINNING OF THE LEGACY has finally showed up on me!  I guess it took a new EP to make my CC stop glitching out on me!”

Evalin: “I can agree to that!  My mohawk’s blocky edge look is finally not so blocky.  Updates don’t suck all the time after all, I see!”

Probably why I remember Showtimes to be the least glitchy EP on my computer.

23Rep-hoe: “You may have your hairbow back, but I’m here to take something else away from you, hahahaha!”

Angela: “Oh dear!  What’s that?”

24Angela: “No!  Not the Jack-O-Watermelon we’ve have forever!  Please, spare it!”

Rep-Hoe: “Never!  It was never fully paid for, so it’s got to go back to the store!”

Angela: “How could we have never finished the payments on a watermelon?”

25Angela: “Please, instead of taking Jack, have a baby I found in my sister’s side of the house instead!”

Rep-Hoe: “Really?  That’s really really low of anyone, especially you.”

26Kindness: “No, not Jack!  I liked Jack!  And he cost us a lot of money…”

I’ll say.

27Envy: “Hey… HEY. Did ANYONE remember that I’m STILL OUT HERE?!  Guys? GUYS!”

28Angela: “Haha,  my life without Happiness.  Oh my!”

Considering the lack of that child this, and last, chapter, there isn’t a lot of Happiness in the first place, now is there?

29Eunice: “Christian squirts baby oil into his hand, and then rubs my behind with careful tenderness…”

WHAT

Eunice: “It’s one of the few books that makes Evalin fall asleep, maybe it will work on this story-begging brat!”

30Eunice: “Oh well I tried, THAT BABY”

Kindness: “Yeaaaah, he tends to never shut up.  But I’m getting another story right?  Shouldn’t we start Fifty Shades Darker now?”

Oh dear.

31There’s one strange thing about Eunice that so far, I’ve only seen her do.  If left by herself, she’ll randomly take her phone out, answer it, and then realize that no one is on the other end.

Eunice: “Gah, I got to stop butt dialing myself!”

32Evalin: “Alright brat, here’s a logic book for you, this is the Dictionary!  Ready?  Aardvark, Aardwolf, Aard…zebra…”

33Evalin: “Bam, the boring dictionary gets them everytime.”

Finally someone in the house that can put that child to sleep, and in his own bed too!  What a feat.

34Evalin: “Sweet dreams Kindness.  Because if you wake up again sometime in the night for more stories, I’ll smother you with a pillow.”

35Everyone in the house is finally asleep at the same time.  It was a good day.

37Evalin?  Are you… ok?

Evalin: “Trying to fix a stereo for some fucker in town, if I want to do the crabwalk at the same time, then I will fix a stereo and crabwalk!”

38Eunice: “Hee hee hee… that’s right, spread it wide for me bb”

Evalin: “STARVING, and my knee snapped off, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.”

39Liam: “I don’t understand.  Do we really need that many rocket ships for the kids?”

Jealousy: “Like hell we do, don’t we Beelzebub!”

Beelzebub: “Help me…”

40Kindness: “Aw, all my juice is gone, Seraph.  But I’m still thirsty, so even though the straw obviously fell out, I’m going to keep sucking on it to get the rest of the juice out.  Mmhmm!”

Seraph: “Don’t care, go away, pretending to sleep in order to avoid you, zzz…”

41Kindness: “Alright now mom, it’s not that hard of a recipe.  You just have to take tofu, make it out to taste like salmon, and voila!  Vegetarian salmon.”

Angela: “But you aren’t a vegetarian, you still eat meat!  Why don’t you just eat salmon?”

Kindness: “Because it has to be tofu!”

42Angela: “Oh dear.  I dropped you on the head too many times as a baby, didn’t I?”

Someone sure did.

43

Eunice: “No, NO!  I’m the first to fail in my family!  I don’t want to pee myself, I want to be the good sim of the house!  This isn’t right!  Oh crap!”

And the fails just keep rolling in.
44Kindness: “I’m back in school, and by golly, I sure am getting tired-”

Angela: “OH LORD NO, NOT KINDNESS, STORY TIME DOESN’T NEED TO START THIS EARLY ALREADY”

Evalin: “I JUST WANT TO GO TO FUCKING SLEEP MYSELF, I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH ANGELA’S KID RIGHT NOW”

45Angela: “You can’t have a story time yet, son.  It’s not bedtime!  Besides, you should do your homework first.  You know what they say, you do your homework, you become successful in life.  And you know what happens when you become successful, right?”

Kindness: “Uuuh, I get my own company, red room, and bondage spanking dominatrix bitches all I want, right?”

46Angela: “Aw hell, EUNICE!  HAVE YOU BEEN READING FIFTY SHADES OF GREY TO MY SON AGAIN?!”

47Angela: “PLEASE, Kindness!  Just do your homework, and then help me drag your failing Aunt out of the floor and out of the way in the kitchen, alright?”

Kindness: “Fine, mother.”

48MORE FAILS!  Woo!

They just keep happening and happening.

Eunice: “Sigh, at this rate, we’ll catch up with Angela’s bunch in no time.  Damn.”

49I finally had enough money to scratch together a small room for Kindness, and the little shit steps in it the first time, GAGS FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER, and walks back out to beg for stories in other beds in other rooms!

Seriously, Kindness, THIS IS NOT A BAD BEDROOM

SCREW YOU AND YOUR OPINION IN IT, KID

50We will end this chapter with Eunice growing old.

Evalin: “Best part is, if you are miserable dear, I won’t let you divorce me.”

Eunice: “GASP!  You… called me dear.”

Evalin: “Don’t become acquainted to it.”