WHAT. IT. DO.
I would offer an explanation or excuse why I haven’t updated in almost a month, but really I don’t have one. Other than laziness. I’d say school’s back in session (my last semester, woo) but that’s not ever really been a problem with me. I don’t know, I’ll just pretend that you forgive me and go about my business.
Does anyone remember me saying anything about breeding these two chucknuts together? Because I totally did, and their babies are adorable.
When I am done with this chapter I’ll add them to the exchange, so by the time you are done reading this, Marlon and Wulfric should be up. And if they aren’t, send anonymous hate messages to me until I break down, cry, and upload them then.***
***Disclaimer: Do not fucking do that.
Apparently around this time, Liam started butt dialing himself as well. That or Eunice is prank calling him from the other room so she’s not the only one going crazy about this by herself.
Jealously: “Behold, my subjects! As your new dictator, I demand all your loyalty and sweets. Remember that old saying ‘let them eat cake’? Do not let them eat cake. Screw them. That is my cake, and I demand it returned to me immediately. Why the hell do they have my cake?! Off with their heads!”
There you are, Jealousy. I came looking for you after school let out and you didn’t come home. I had no idea someone invited you over to their house.
Jealousy: “Pfft, who said I was invited?”
Boy-Girl Child: “Ok, just fall back, I got you. Trust me!”
Jealously: “You sunovuhbmzzzzzz…”
BGC: “She was right, that was the best game of Marie Antoinette ever.”
Evalin: “Hee hee, promotion here I come. Bite it, Angela.”
Happiness: “Yep, I’m here, being good and out of the way. I’m okie-dokie on my end. Even if this bathroom is a little bland still.”
Happiness: “Oh! I’m sorry Aunt Eunice! I’ll try harder!”
At least someone is trying to light a fire under his butt.
Eunice: “Eh, you’re right.”
Unlike some jackass cousins of hers.
Kindess: “You’d think anyone would learn about this by now, but I really need a story read to me or I can’t sleep at night. Mom and dad managed to avoid me and snuck off to bed before I could get to them, so that leaves you, Aunt Eunice. Will you read to me some of my favorite stories?”
Eunice: “Eeeh… sure.”
Kindess: “You can’t cash in on my thing, Happiness… you stink at it…”
Eunice: “Well, out of the two of you, you are the biggest asshole when it comes to bedtime. I guess I better go take care of you first.”
Eunice: “Sorry Evalin. But it’s the first bed he ran to, I had no choice…”
Evalin: “Well you better make it your choice, before something burns.”
Eunice: “NO! THAT IS IT, YOU LITTLE SHIT! I AM FED UP, EVERYONE ELSE IS FED UP, AND AFTER THIS LEGACY CHAPTER I’M DOWNLOADING THAT MOD FOR YOUR BROKEN LITTLE BRAIN”
Kindness: “Mmm, I could use some waffles. *oblivious*”
Eunice: “Oh no you didn’t, boy…”
Happiness: “Um, thank you, Aunt Eunice?”
Eunice: “Why would you tell him that, he’s just starting to become interesting.”
Kindness: “How can he just lay there and sleep like that? No one even read him a story before he passed out!”
Renauld: “If I close my eyes, maybe she’ll think I’m dead and will go away… oh… everytime I close my eyes I still see stories… so many stories…”
His new trait is hot-headed. So close, but not quite evil enough. He still has some time left before the next heir is called for an upset.
Renauld: “Why did I follow Angela home. Why am I here. I feel a horrible presence behind me. Why can’t I be dead already.”
Envy: “Oh. Thanks mom.”
Evalin: “But I also can’t stand the presence of another child in this house. So I also wish to send you to a boarding school. As of tomorrow morning, I want you to pack your crap and get in the car, you are going away for a long time, Envy.”
Envy: “This is bullshit.”
Jealousy: “I never ask for much, but when I do…”
Envy: “Read them a story before me, and I’ll beat the crap out of you, old man!”
Renauld: “Why. Why?! I’ve been trapped… oh sweet lord have mercy on my soul, I beg of you…”
And then a beautiful thing happened. Everyone went to bed at the same time and in their correct beds, except for Happiness who had just woken up, Liam sleeping in the floor and Envy who slept in Happiness’ bed, but it was close enough for me!
AND THEN THE GAME CRASHED
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER
AND I DON’T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I SAVED
IT WAS SAD AND THIS IS WHERE THE CHAPTER ENDS FOR THE DAY
Guess what, everyone! After this chapter, I’m finally caught up with myself in this legacy! Which means for more chapters to happen, I have to actually get back to playing this family. It’s not like I’m not, of course, just not lately. It’ll pick up eventually though, definitely.
Kindness: “Did you learn how to make vegetarian salmon yet, mother.”
Angela: “Just get your little butt on that bus, boy.”
Eunice: “Hello?! I know someone is there, I know someone is prank calling me, and when I find out who it is, I’m going to your house, and stapling you to your doorframe! Hello?! Hello?! There is no way in hell I’m butt dialing myself that many times!”
I’m sorry honey. But you are. Even if you aren’t wearing pants.
Happiness: “Haha, I’m in the wrong crib! I’m enjoying myself right now.”
Angela: “Still ahead… in my career… so… worth it…”
Jealousy: “Humph, whatever, anything to get out of this damn chair they’ve left me in.”
Kindness: “Hmm, this book is going to be so good, I wonder if I can get someone to read this to me later.”
It’s going to be a multiple birthday party. Sounds like fun? You bet.
Angela: “Who’s ready to sing the birthday song?!”
Kindness: “Not going to, mother. This book is soo good, maybe later.”
Lonnie: “You are right, kid! This is a good book. What page are you on, twenty four, right?”
Evalin: “What the hell, woman. You have a job?”
Astrid: “Yep, so late at night, of course! She’s a hooker.”
Eunice: “You want to get hit by a van, Astrid?”
Astrid: “She’s not keeping this job for very long, Evalin.”
Evalin: “She better, we need that cash.”
Artistic, so all her artwork is probably going to be paintings in blood, I suppose.
Jealously: “Hey dumbfuck, the birthdays are over, if you didn’t have that book wedged so far up your ass, you would have noticed that already.”
Jealousy: “No, mine’s blue, Happiness. Yours is a girly little powder baby color, since you are a little powder baby yourself. It’s fitting. Mine is better.”
No one will find their own beds ever. I can see that right now.
Kindness: “Must have a slice of cake from everyone’s cake. Must honor everyone’s birthday. Even if it’s 3 in the morning, I must go through with this and complete my duty.”
I won’t be surprised if you grow up fat, kid.
Eunice: “It kinda sucks, now that even the smallest ponds to me look like massive oceans. Anyway. Don’t step on me, Happiness.”
Happiness: “Who’s saying that?”
Lillith: “Sorry kid.”
Evalin: “Run her over driver. Run her over and her little promotion, I want to see her a smudge on the side of that fancy little promotion van of hers.”
After she got off of work later, Evalin also got that promotion. So she got over it and moved on with her life.
Because. If you do it again, I’ll trace the call. I will send my wife’s lackeys to your house, and they will brutally murder your face.”
Eunice: “So beautiful, and haunting. I like haunting.”
Gary: “Oh no, she’s here, she’s got to be here for a reason… she wants to hurt me, she wants to cause me bodily harm… what do I do, someone save me!”
Evalin: “Just come here so I can fulfill a want, and I’ll go away the quicker you do this.”
Gary: “Because you lay a hand on me right now and I’ll knock you into next week! You don’t scare me, you evil bitch! You may have this whole town under your thumb, but I’ll kick your ass!”
Gary: “R-really?! Thank you Mrs. Fallen! That actually means a lot coming from you! Awesome!”
I actually wish he also had the evil trait too. He’s so cute, I’d marry him into the evil line in a heartbeat. Maybe he’s good, I’ll check around later.
Jealousy: “Stop, stop right there before you get too far ahead, Kindness. You chase away one of the few friends this family has with your constant story begging, they won’t find your corpse!”
Jealousy: “Stop Mr. Vanderburg. I like you. I like you more than I like a lot of people. Don’t you dare go into that house and go near that bookshelf. Aunt Angela invited your ass over here for a reason, so you better get in that back yard and get on that trampoline with her right now.”
You know what Jealousy reminds me of right now?
Grumpy cat: “I never really liked Kindness anyway.”
I see it anyway.
Renauld: “I feel a little presence behind me. It’s… not pleasant…”
He hobbles so slowly, and has to stop every few seconds because Kindness wants storrrieeees
I can’t seem to have Angela call Renauld enough times to save his life if he depended on it.
Renauld: “I’m coming… I’m almost there… Oh lord, I can feel his presence coming around the corner…”
Angela: “GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK, KINDNESS”
Renauld: “Damn, I was SO CLOSE!”
Kindness: “Alright, I have the Velveteen Rabbit, I have One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, oh, I just can’t wait to read!”
Angela: “NO, NO I WILL NOT LET MY OWN SON WIN THIS ROUND”
And she got back on the trampoline and eventually Renauld did too.
SUCK IT KINDESS HOLY SHIT JUST GO TO BED
Carl: “Hee hee. Yeah!”
Carl: “It ain’t mine.”
Evalin: “BABY?” *suddenly wide awake*
Madeline: “Oh. No. Now about no. Not dressed like that you aren’t.”
Carl: “Oh SNAP! That is so hilarious! Hahahaha! Strangely, person person plus! …I’m so turned on right now.”
Kindness: “Wow, that was a really good story, Renauld!”
Kindness: “Another, another!”
Does anyone know if there is a mod out there that can just FIX THIS DAMN SHIT?! OR EVEN REMOVE IT?! OR CAUSE KINDNESS TO FEEL PHYSICAL PAIN EVERY TIME HE THINKS OF STORIES?!
Kindness: “It’s Aunt Eunice’s favorite bedtime story to read me! I love it! My favorite adventure book series!”
Renauld: “This is making my brain literally hurt.”
Renauld: “Oh god, this kid is going to kill me.”
Just run for it Renauld! Run for your life!
Kindness: “Hey! Where the poop are you going?! You have to read me stories! You promised! I need story time Renauld! Come back! We can get through the rest of the Dr. Suess series in the next four hours!”
Renauld: “This is how I die.”
That poor man.
Kindness: “I need a lot of comfort during story time. I can spread out more.”
Renauld: “Please, I have a brick in my car. Bring it to me, and bash me in the head as hard as possible until I stop moving.”
Kindness: “I figured I have had my fun for the day. Goodnight.”
I might just hate you too much, Kindness.
Angela: “I can’t… help it… new promotion… so stressful…”
Evalin: “Bite me, bitch.”
Evalin: “YOU THINK YOU DIDN’T GET SLEEP, BITCH, I COULD STUFF YOU IN THAT OVEN”
Evalin: “Well let go of my damn arm! I will use YOU to smother this fire out if you don’t stop getting in my way!”
Jealousy: “Bitch, shut up and let my mama do her job, damn!”
Eunice: “You aren’t going to loose me, Evalin! Stop spraying me, I’m not on fire! Stop!”
Evalin: “Aw, don’t tell me what to do, I’m having fun with this now!”
Liam: “But the fire is over. Sigh, they are so incompetent.”
Eunice: “Tell me about it. Wanna go out there and set their truck on fire. I bet you they will be late to it too.”
Liam: “Actually, yeah, let’s do that. Something I finally agree with you with, Eunice.”
Everyone agrees with you at this moment.
Evalin: “Yeah. Go a little farther. Three more feet and you can take out our mail box!”
Evalin: “I’m doing too much evil to worry about shit like that.”
And she’s still with Eunice. Good for them two! I suppose.
My first chapter of the new year! Happy new year, everyone! My resolutions involve replying to comments more often, and keeping up with other legacies better than I have been doing lately!
No, that’s not true. But it should be my resolution.
Liam’s resolution is to not be a dick so often and stop popping up on the official website every time I need to do something there.
Emmit: “Uh, I pass. On both. Definitely not in the junkyard. Go away, lady!”
It’s kind of nice that he can let her down and negatively respond to the flirt and she still gets her wish anyway. Less baggage that way, and she can go back home to her wife.
Angela: “Maybe I should have done something about him when he was crying? Oh golly gee.”
Angela: “Oh, he’ll be fine, he’s just a baby, I’m sure he’s going to grow out of this soon!”
Liam: “Please ma’am, this isn’t the place to discuss politics! I’m trying to take my son to his birthday cake!”
Caterina: “Hee hee… like I care.”
Evalin: “Wait a damn minute, why the hell am I out here again?!”
Evalin: “HAAAAH, a technophobe! That was almost worth my time out here! I’m going inside now.”
Kindness got to roll his own trait, but that’s what he got.
Evalin: “I think that this The Wiggles rip off party guy you hired sucks and if he plays Wheels on the Bus one more time, I’m stabbing him in the armpits with my fork.”
Angela: “Happy birthday son! For your birthday we were going to get your own room, but we are still broke, but we chipped in and got you your own bed! Now isn’t that nice, it’s got compartments under it and it’s got dinosaurs, and it’s your favorite color…”
Angela: “Oh, ok then, I’ll just… sleep in your bed then.”
Liam: “When am I ever going to get that unicorn?”
Kindness: “I better go do other things, and complain about being tired the whole time! Yeah, I think I’ll go do that!”
Eunice: “HURNGH, WHO THE HELL CARES RIGHT NOW, KID”
Kindness: “Dad, I don’t think she’s listening! But it looks like she’s got to go to the potty something awful! We NEED a repairman! STAT! Hurry dad!”
Eunice: “I HATE EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE SO EFFING MUUUUUUUUCH”
And then, baby Envy was born! So far his traits involve a love of outdoors and eccentricity, so of course so far he’s not in the running for heirship, but he might have a couple birthdays before that’s determined. His favorites are Irish Green (how coincidental), hamburger, and Roots like his sister Jealousy.
Eunice: “Hee hee hee! With him passing out and screwing everything up for his legacy with his fails, my family will prevail as the best!”
Liam: “My poor son! He gets his loserness from me, I’m sure of it!”
So am I, Liam.
Eunice: “NO ONE EVEN REMEMBERS WHO THIS KID IS, GAAAH!”
Kindness: “It’s ok, I’m still awake, and in the mood for more stories! This is so much fun!”
Suddenly I hate this kid so much right now.
Sweet dreams, you deranged brat.
About this time in the legacy Showtime was installed into my computer, and I decided double photos from photobooths are going to be where it’s at this legacy! Probably not portraits because stuff. Besides, Angela picking her nose and Evalin giving the camera the middle finger is where it’s at!
Also, speaking on behalf of Angela’s sudden hairbow:
Evalin: “I can agree to that! My mohawk’s blocky edge look is finally not so blocky. Updates don’t suck all the time after all, I see!”
Probably why I remember Showtimes to be the least glitchy EP on my computer.
Angela: “Oh dear! What’s that?”
Rep-Hoe: “Never! It was never fully paid for, so it’s got to go back to the store!”
Angela: “How could we have never finished the payments on a watermelon?”
Rep-Hoe: “Really? That’s really really low of anyone, especially you.”
Considering the lack of that child this, and last, chapter, there isn’t a lot of Happiness in the first place, now is there?
Eunice: “It’s one of the few books that makes Evalin fall asleep, maybe it will work on this story-begging brat!”
Kindness: “Yeaaaah, he tends to never shut up. But I’m getting another story right? Shouldn’t we start Fifty Shades Darker now?”
Eunice: “Gah, I got to stop butt dialing myself!”
Finally someone in the house that can put that child to sleep, and in his own bed too! What a feat.
Evalin: “Trying to fix a stereo for some fucker in town, if I want to do the crabwalk at the same time, then I will fix a stereo and crabwalk!”
Evalin: “STARVING, and my knee snapped off, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.”
Jealousy: “Like hell we do, don’t we Beelzebub!”
Beelzebub: “Help me…”
Seraph: “Don’t care, go away, pretending to sleep in order to avoid you, zzz…”
Angela: “But you aren’t a vegetarian, you still eat meat! Why don’t you just eat salmon?”
Kindness: “Because it has to be tofu!”
Someone sure did.
Eunice: “No, NO! I’m the first to fail in my family! I don’t want to pee myself, I want to be the good sim of the house! This isn’t right! Oh crap!”
Angela: “OH LORD NO, NOT KINDNESS, STORY TIME DOESN’T NEED TO START THIS EARLY ALREADY”
Evalin: “I JUST WANT TO GO TO FUCKING SLEEP MYSELF, I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH ANGELA’S KID RIGHT NOW”
Angela: “You can’t have a story time yet, son. It’s not bedtime! Besides, you should do your homework first. You know what they say, you do your homework, you become successful in life. And you know what happens when you become successful, right?”
Kindness: “Uuuh, I get my own company, red room, and bondage spanking dominatrix bitches all I want, right?”
Kindness: “Fine, mother.”
They just keep happening and happening.
Eunice: “Sigh, at this rate, we’ll catch up with Angela’s bunch in no time. Damn.”
I finally had enough money to scratch together a small room for Kindness, and the little shit steps in it the first time, GAGS FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER, and walks back out to beg for stories in other beds in other rooms!
Seriously, Kindness, THIS IS NOT A BAD BEDROOM
SCREW YOU AND YOUR OPINION IN IT, KID
Evalin: “Best part is, if you are miserable dear, I won’t let you divorce me.”
Eunice: “GASP! You… called me dear.”
Evalin: “Don’t become acquainted to it.”