Archive | June 2013

An Honor Battle

1Happiness: “I SHALL SMITE EVIL WITH MY HAND OF JUSTICE AND FINALLY WIN THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ONCE AND FOR ALL!  BUT FIRST I must sing for this beautiful crowd, because without my fans, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.”

If you are just tuning in, Happiness got attacked by his cousin Envy at Jealousy’s bachelorette party, and wants revenge.

2Zombie Madeline: “Yeah, gather around me and behold!  I make the zombie skin look good.”

Scott: “Why does this town have nothing but narcissistic zombies?  We aren’t gathering around to admire you guys, we aren’t even looking at you!”

3Jealousy: “Oh… HELLLLLLLLL NO.”

I don’t know why Liam would think sleeping in Jealousy’s bed would be a good idea.

4Jealousy: “I’m getting real sick of your shit, Liam!  You’re happy-go-lucky attitude is going to get you punched in the face, and if I EVER catch you in my bed again, Angela is going to be a premature widow, you can bet on that!”

5Liam: “I just needed a quick nap, I couldn’t make it to my own bed before passing out…”

Jealousy: “You should have passed out then, you stupid fucknut.”

6You really enjoy getting arrested, Eunice.

Eunice: “Who knew impersonating an alien and running through a frat house shouting “YOU’RE GONNA HAVE MY BABIES” would have such consequences!”

7OH SHIT, Happiness really buffed out!

Happiness: “I may not know a single thing about the athletic skill, but I can crack a walnut with my pecs.”

Gabriel: “I’m not entirely sure what’s going on right now, but I feel all hot and flustered for some reason.”

8I see all the brains leaked into his brawn.

Happiness: “Not true!  I’m so strong right now, my glutes can hold me up!  I no longer need a chair!  Duuuuuuh.”

9In the yard, Jealousy was getting ready for her wedding day, and nothing was going to ruin her party.

Jealousy: *Waits impatiently and angrily for guests*

10Jealousy: “For my wedding day, nothing, and I mean NOTHING better ruin this for me.”

Beelzebub: “Alright toots!  You ready to do this thing?!”

Jealousy: “I’m not doing this with YOU, Beelze!”

11Fancy: “Hey Jailusy… hey… Jailusy… psst… slap my hand.”

Jealousy: “I knew I should have just made this wedding private.”

12Jealousy: “Alright, SOMEONE better be filming this wedding, because I want it to prove that this really was a legal wedding an all!  Who has the camera?!”

Evalin: “I had the camera, but I really didn’t feel like giving a shit.”

13HOW ABOUT FUCK NO MARLENA

YOU ARE STARTING TO GET ON MY LAST NERVE AS WELL OVER HERE, AND I REALLY LIKE YOU

14I invited Kindness just for the sole fact that he’s still pretty much family… but he’s too stupid and has to bring down the other stupid guests at the party…

Kindness: “This table is where the wedding is being held, right?  I don’t see a thing!”

Scott: “That’s because the wedding is being held over there.  I knew I shouldn’t have sat with you, I can’t see a thing here.”

Fancy: “I could care less ’bout wut’s actually goin’ on, I jus’ need someone to slap mah hand already…”

15Edgardo: “I, Edgardo Vanderburg, take you as my awfully wedded wife, and do you, Mrs. Vanderburg-”

Jealousy: “No stupid, it’s Mrs. Fallen.  You’re a Fallen too.  I’m not getting put back on alphabetical lists with your shitty V name.  We’ve gone over this, remember?”

Edgardo: “Oh, yes, of course.”

16Evalin: “Nice.  Very nice.  Now we have a little wealth in the family, it’s about time we started getting nice things!”

Liam: “Can’t you just focus on your daughter’s wedding, and ignore what he’s bringing in with us?”

Evalin: “Can’t you just shut the fuck up, Lame?”

17Marlena: “That ceremony was so beautiful!  It brings a tear to my eye, oh…”

Envy: “You know what brings a tear to my eye?  You.  You’re beauty is so mesmerizing, and it breaks my heart, how we are so close right now, yet so far apart…”

18Happiness: “THAT’S IT, LET’S GO RIGHT NOW, BUSTER! ME AND YOU!”

Envy: “Sure, I would love nothing more than to take this fist and shove it up your-”

19Jealousy: “RUIN MY CAKE CUTTING CEREMONY AND I WILL CASTRATE THE BOTH OF YOU!”

Envy: “Oh fine.”

Happiness: “No, NO!  This is about HONOR!  And the hand of my girl!  Envy don’t ignore me, ENVY!”

20Fancy: “Hello!  Can I have a moment of ur time to ask if yew would be so kind as to please slide me some skin?”

Liam: “You really are so gifted as to figure out how to clap with one hand, young lady!”

Envy: “So glad I moved out of this house.”

From a certain angle, it looked like Fancy was slapping Evalin in the head.

Yeah, you keep slapping that old woman, Fancy.  She’ll probably get up in a second and violently beat your ass when she’s done with her cake.

22Actually everyone at the stupid table is kind of, well, stupid.

Scott: “More rice for your wedding cake, Mrs.  Fallen?!”

Angela: “As much as I like rice, Scott, I do not think it goes very well with cake, and I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t…”

Scott: “MORE RICE!  WEEEE!”

23Happiness: “ALRIGHT, WEDDING’S WRAPPING UP ENVY, WE DUEL NOW, FOR THE HAND OF THE LOVELY MARLENA, AND YOU ARE GOING DOWN”

Envy: “Oh shit, he’s a beefcake.”

24Envy: “Jesus Happiness, just take the bitch, I don’t want her that badly, not badly enough to get busted up by He-Man.”

Happiness: “NO, WE BATTLE FOR HONOR LIKE THEY DID IN THE OLD DAYS!  FOR MARLENA!”

25Gabriel: “Well gosh, this isn’t how I wanted to come out and ask Happiness to pillow fight me.”

Fancy: “Good thing the wedding is over, Jealousy would be so pissed.”

Scott: “I think you’re the one that pretty much pissed her off from the beginning, Fancy.  No one wants to slap your damn hand.”

26Happiness: “And that’s THAT!  Don’t you EVER come on to Marlena ever again, Envy!  She’s with me!”

Envy: *Cries tears of bruised pain*

Jealousy: “Haha, that’s what you get for being a loser, Envy.”

27Go fuck off, Kindness.  I didn’t want to even invite you in the first place.

28Fan: “You do know your gig is supposed to end in 10 minutes right?  You’re hella late.”

Happiness: “I’M SO FULL OF RAGE AND TESTOSTERONE, GRAAAAAAAAUGH”

29Even though technically Happiness’ show was supposed to end two minutes before he even set up, he was still allowed to go on and perform for his four audience members.

Sadie the guard dog: “I don’t think that’s how the game is supposed to work…”

30Happiness’ gig went on and on… and on… and on…

Eventually I made it end and he got a good rating, even though he was four hours late to it.

31Coincidentally, he was going to go over to Marlena’s afterwards, and just so happened to have to do a Sing-A-Gram for her father, who had a birthday and needed someone to pity him for losing his fabulous muscle mass.

Happiness: “I am the champion, my friend / I beat up Envy’s rear end~”

Emmit: “I asked for the birthday song, I don’t know what this is, Happiness.”

32Happiness: “Well, now that I got your attention with a little birthday gift, can I ask you something important, Mr. Marlena’s Dad?”

Emmit: “Oh?”

33Happiness: “Will you please… please please please, give me your blessing to have Marlena’s hand?!”

Emmit: “What is this”

34Happiness: “I will be good to her!  I will treasure her and shower her with the affection she so desperately craves!  I will treat her like a princess and take really good care of Marlena!”

Emmit: “I don’t even know who you are kid…”

35Emmit: “But you know what, sure, marry my daughter!  Having a kid of mine married to a famous singer is going to be kickass.”

Happiness: “Oh really?! Thank you so much Mr. Marlena’s Dad, you’ve made my night!”

36Marlena: “What is this, Happiness!  I’m indecent, why did you storm into my room and wake me up at this time of night?”

Happiness: “Marlena, today has been the most fantastic day of my life!  I fought my rival for your hand and I won, then I had a blowout performance at my gig, and your father gave me the go on the greatest thing ever!  Marlena…”

37Happiness: “Will you marry me?”

Marlena: “Woooooow, really?!  I wish you waited until I put on pants though!”

Happiness: “No, this is our moment, this right here is perfect!  So, is that a yes I see?”

Marlena: “Of course I’ll marry you, Happiness!”

38Happiness: “Haaaaah, Envy can eat it, now.”

39Back at the house, with the newly weds I probably should have been paying attention to, considering it was Jealousy’s wedding day…

Eunice: “DOES THIS LOOK LIKE YOUR FUCKING BEDROOM YOU FARTSHIT OF A SON-IN-LAW”

Angela: “Awww, you acknowledge him as your son-in-law!  That means they like you, Edgardo!”

40Evalin: “CAN’T YOU SEE SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP AND DON’T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR GUITAR SKILLS UNTIL 6 IN THE MORNING, AND I WILL BURN YOU ALONG WITH THE DUMBASSES THAT ARE STILL IN OUR BACKYARD”

Fancy: “Still waitin’ on a high five heer…”

Scott: *Starts choking on rice*

41Jealousy: “About time you found the bedroom.  Think about it, Edgardo, this is the first day of the rest of your life… I mean the rest of our lives.”

42Time for the kinky.

43We will end this chapter with Happiness waking up the next day, realizing that he’s slowly deflating…

Happiness: “Aww, my muscles…”

Betel: “Wow, I thought you said this was going to actually be impressive, Gabriel.”

Gabriel: “Well, it was yesterday…”

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Stealing Your Girl

1For Pete’s sake Genevieve, Evalin is done with you, she’s not going on a date with you because… you didn’t call Evalin you called Eunice… I don’t know how to really respond to that…

2Eunice: “A date with my wife’s boss with whom she has spent many nights out on meetings and business trips with over the course of our marriage?!  You know what?  Yeah, let’s go on that date!  If I can find my way out of this house and actually go some where for once, I will meet up with you over at the swimming pool!”

Angela: “Sounds like mischief going on in the next room?  Should I alert my sister just in case?”

Liam: “Best you don’t, Angela.  Evalin will get angry, then she’ll come and beat me up to get it all out of her system.  Just stay quiet about it.”

3Genevieve: “Nice of you to meet me here, Eunice.  I’ve amired you from afar for ages… and trust me, the view was beautiful.”

Eunice: “Consider yourself lucky I even showed up.  I hate going out and spending time out of my bed and off my trampoline.”

4Genevieve: “You are even more beautiful than I remember, and you used to be GORGEOUS!  I love you!”

Eunice: “I love chicken!  Mmmm…”

5Then Eunice instantly passed out on the sidewalk.

Genevieve: “No seriously, you were gorgeous.  What happened to you?”

6Eunice: “I’m so tired, but I am at the pool, might as well make the most of it.”

So Eunice got in…

7And instantly started drowning.

Eunice: “I’m not known for my ingenius ideas.”

8Eunice: “Well that was ok.  Leaving now, bye Genevieve.”

Genevieve: “But you just got here!  We hadn’t even gotten around to getting dinner together, watch a movie, nothing!  Why are you doing this to me!”

9I left the game for a day or so and came back to Eunice preparing for lift off.

Eunice: “Team Rocket’s blasting off again!”

And that was the end of their date.

10I recently told you that Meghan was probably Happiness’s best customer.  I think she’s striving to prove me right.

Happiness: “Sliiiiide to the left, sliiiiide to the right!  Criss-Cross!  Criss… ok, that’s your five minutes of music, I’ll see you tomorrow, Meghan!”

Meghan: “Aw darn!  Ok, see you tomorrow, Happiness!”

11Eunice: “My beautiful wife.  My… oh, the love of my life.  I *touches cheek* went on a date with another woman this morning.”

12Evalin: “YOU BITCH *proceeds to eat Eunice’s heart while motorboating her at the same time, might as well*

Eunice: “Well do you have to do that while I’m wearing my formal attire?  You aren’t an animal, Evalin.”

13But the damage was done, and Eunice died-I mean passed out again.  She is the worst sim at this free will stuff.

14Jealousy wanted a bachelorette party before her grand wedding, so let the festivities begin.

Fancy: “Wooo!  I’m heer everyone, the party can start now!  Yeah!  Someone gimme a high five!  But, it’s gotta be a low-five, actually, ‘cuz I can’t really lift my hand any higher than this… glitched plate and all.  Come on Jailusy, slap mah hand!”

Jealousy: “I’d slap your face.”

Fancy: “Wut?”

Jealousy: “What?”

15Edgardo: “Who, in their right mind, brought a toddler to a bachelorette party?!”

Star: “Hee hee, it was meeeee.”

Liam: “Women bring babies to bachelorette parties all the time, Edgardo!  Besides, I want to know who brought lobster thermidor to the party!  This is exquisite.”

16Edgardo: “Well someone is enjoying the party.”

Marlena: “Sliiiiide to the left, sliiiiide to the right!  Criss-Cross!  Criss-Cross!”

17Jealousy: “YAWN, face one strippers, how lame can you be?”

Gustav: “Bitch, I will twerk on yo mama.”

Dan: “Gustav, behave!  We don’t get work often, so just go with it right now!”

18I mixed their genes up a little bit.  I know they will probably never be seen again, but I’m sure they would want to die knowing that they are at least different from the car pool drivers.

Fancy: “Yooooo, yew guys are tight!  Gimme five!”

Dan: “Lady, no one wants to slap your hand, by the looks of you, we don’t even know what’s been on it.”

19Gustav: “Time to get this party STAAAAAARTED!”

Toilet: “Yeaaaaah, I’m about to get CRUNK!”

I knew I should have set a table out for them.

20EUNICE CAN’T YOU FUNCTION NORMALLY FOR ONCE

Eunice: “Don’t know… free will… off…”

IT’S NOT OFF, I JUST CHECKED

21Jealousy: “This is not where I wanted my party to be.”

Gustav: “The party follows me where ever I go.”

Sidney: “Damn skippy!”

Jealousy: “Don’t even start with me, Sidney…”

22Jealousy: “Oh damn, Gustav.  You are looking fine.  I would give one of the many bouquets I have recieved from Edgardo to you, if he wasn’t in the room right this second.”

Edgardo: “Why is this happening to me.”

Fancy: “Wudda bitch.  But in all sur’sness, yo Edgurdur’, gimme five.”

Edgardo: “NO”

23SPEAKING OF FLIRTATION OUTSIDE MY APPROVAL

Envy: “You’re looking beautiful tonight, Marlena…”

Marlena: “Why thanks, Envy!  You are pretty spiffy yourself!”

Envy: “Aw, you flatter me, pumpkin!  (Yeah, that’s right you fluffy headed little fucker, I’m mackin’ on your woman, what are you going to do about it?)”

Happiness: “I am calling the cops.”

24Envy: “Oh, you’re wearing that honeysuckle perfume, I always loved that smell on you.  It reminds me of the night we went on the date on the pier, and you told me about your lifelong dream to be a sunflower florist.  I still believe in you and your dream, Marlena.”

Marlena: “Wow, you remembered!  You really are such a cool guy!”

Envy: “Oh I know I am…”

25Happiness: “What do you MEAN, this isn’t an emergency?! HE’S STEALING MY GIRL!  IN MY OWN BEDROOM!  No, this shouldn’t be “just my problem”, I need HELP!”

Envy: “Winning!”

Come on, Happiness.  Just man up and stop panicking.  She’s your girlfriend.

26Happiness: “Cut it out, Envy!  You know Marlena’s with me now, stop hitting on her and get your own girl!”

Envy: “Listen asshole, she was MY girl first before your little Justin Bieber pop act came in and sweeped her off her feet!  And it’s not MY fault you waited FIVE WHOLE FUCKING CHAPTERS before going steady with her!”

27

Happiness: “I was WORKING, I have goals and I want to set up my future to give her a life, not throw myself at her the second I hit puberty!”

Envy: “Which was when, five minutes ago?!”

28Marlena: “Oh guys, please!  You don’t have to fight over little old me!”

Envy: “Shut it, woman!  This is no longer about you, this punk is about to get a smack down!”

29Jealousy: “Hello Envy.  Just a reminder that if you ruin my party, I will disembowel you and bury you under a backwoods shed.”

Happiness: “Nose kisses my girlfriend!”

Marlena: “Hee hee!”

Envy: “This isn’t fair.”

30Angela: “Wow, it’s very unbecoming of me to be the one that soils myself.  I’m so sorry to everyone and I hope you can forgive me!  How embarrassing.”

Jaime: “You know what’s really embarrassing?  My bare ass.  I just realized that I’m not wearing any pants, halfway through this party.  Where is my mind this evening?”

31Fancy: “Don’t anyone wanna give me a high five over heer?  Don’t leave me hangin’ guys!”

Star: “Pregnant women don’t give high fives.”

Fancy: “Well then.”

32UGH, I WAS ONLY OUT OF THE ROOM FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES

Envy: “This really is a terrible party, I wouldn’t expect you to want to hang out with people like this.  You want to blow this popsicle stand and actually do something fun?”

Marlena: “Like a movie or the club, why sure, that’s a great idea!”

Happiness: “Nope, going to beat his hiney, he won’t stop crossing the line and I’m up to HERE WITH YOUR CRAP, ENVY”

33Envy: “NOT IF I FUCK YOU UP FIRST, HAPPINESS”

Happiness: “WHAT THE FUZZ”

Jaime: “Ooooooh yeah, a fight, now THIS is something I could get interested in watching! *wiggle wiggle*”

34Marlena: “Leaving the room, your brother and your son are fighting in the next room, literally, Envy is beating up my boyfriend with his own lamp, I’m just going to hang out in the next room, ok”

Jealousy: “Your son is a moron.”

Angela: “Wow, and for once it’s not Kindness making me upset.”

35Envy: “MARLENA IS MINE AND THERE’S NOTHING A WIMP LIKE YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT, HAPPINESS”

Jamie: “Wow, I should have done a better job at putting underwear on this morning, at least.”

Happiness: *A high pitched whiny noise that would embarrass anyone that knows him within a twenty foot radius*

36Happiness: “Can you believe he attacked me like that!  He sucker punched me, and it wasn’t even fair!”

Marlena: “Well to be fair, you were thinking about jumping him just as much as he was, so you both need to grow up a little bit!”

37Happiness “Why are you siding with that lunatic?!  He’s bad news, Marlena, he’s not your friend!  He’s so spiteful!  Why won’t you stand up for me?!”

Marlena: “My boyfriend is such a wimp.  Look, he’s a good guy, Happiness!  You keep bad mouthing him like that and sometimes I wonder who’s the real bad guy here…”

38Star: “Sounds like someone is about to lose his woman over here.  Humph.  If it was me, I’d want to get vengeance and win the love of my girl back, before she elopes with your cousin and leaves you forever.”

Happiness: “Hey Star, how about you mind your own business over there, no one asked for your opinion!  …But you might be on to something, I can’t just leave Envy to think that he won this fight for good!”

Suddenly Happiness wished to win a fight against Envy, and that wish is now top priority…

39Unfortunately, he walked into the kitchen, and promptly passed out at the sight of Envy walking out the door.

Marlena: “Wow.  My boyfriend is about as broke down as their cheap sink.”

40Envy: “Great party, great rush!  Later Jealousy, congrats and shit.  Bye Happiness.  Good luck being alone forever, loser.”

Happiness: “Get BACK HERE, Envy, and let me PUT YOU IN A HEADLOCK”

41Marlena: “Yeah, this was a really bad party… I’m going to go to the club for a few hours with Envy, Happiness.  I’ll call you when I get home later on, I guess…”

Evalin: “Hee hee hee… that dork will lose that skank forever to my charming son, and he will die alone!  And once he’s gone, my lineage alone will be the star of this legacy, and we will take over, and rule this town single handedly!  Hahahahah!”

You don’t help much, Evalin.

42Jealousy: “Our last date together before our marriage tomorrow and someone had to abandon a brat at the restaurant.  Way to ruin my day.”

Adriane: “What, I can’t get out with my son and spend some time in public while he sits idly by on the sidewalk?  Rude.”

43Adriane: “OH NO, he’s here.”

Kindness: “Well of course I’m here, I failed to get to join my cousin on her fabulous night at her party, but I followed her here in hopes to join her and congratulate her while she’s out with her fiance.  It’s only the nice thing to do.  Of course, I didn’t get invited to the party… but I’m sure my invite was lost in the mail.  Right?”

Toddler: *crunches up his own limbs and starts sliding across the pavement*

44Jealousy: “Is… that baby sliding away?”

Adriane: “Wow, I’m a bad mother.  I should at least go chase him down… but if he’s that possessed, maybe letting him slide out into the road is a safer idea…”

45Edgardo: “I can’t wait for our wedding tomorrow, my love!  I hope it’s everything you wanted and more.  And I look forward to many, many years together with you!  Raising a family together, growing old together, and our love being vowed eternally, it’s going to be the greatest day of our lives!”

Jealousy: “Time to shut it, Edgardo, I got mac and cheese.  You don’t talk during mac and cheese time.”

46Across town, Happiness sought out an advantage over his army working cousin for his up and coming rematch.  He found the perfect place to hone his skills uptown.

Happiness: “What a bright and vibrant place!  I’m going to enjoy working out in such a clean and crisp environment.”

47Happiness: “Come on… I can… do this… It’s the eye of the tiger / it’s the thrill of the… fight~”

48Happiness: “It’s the… HURNG, I think I’m giving myself a hernia~”

That O’Dourke body frame of yours doesn’t do very well with exercise I think.

49Happiness: “No!  I must push through!  I must win my battle over that jerk of a cousin of mine and win back the love of my Marlena!  I must push through this!”

50Considering he’s worked out almost halfway through his routine and that skill bar has NOT budged, not even a single bit.  Yeah. I don’t think it’s working out so well.

Angela’s icon: “Oh my poor son.  I can’t almost not bear to even watch.  He’s going to tire himself out and then humiliate himself over this girl.”

Liam’s icon: “Believe in our son, Angela!  I have faith in him, I believe he can do it!”

51Nope, completed the routine, is fatigued, didn’t gain any experience towards a single skill point.  Happiness is doomed.

Happiness: “You never know!  I feel the power coursing through my veins!  My adrenaline has a super rush!  And maybe before our next fight, Envy will break both of his arms, here’s hoping to that!”

52Until then, here’s Katrine breaking the seriousness of Happiness’s workout with labor.

Happiness: “THAT OUTFIT IS HORRENDOUS, NOOOOOOO”

Where the Money Goes

Earlier today (or technically yesterday, whatever) I posted a chapter in which Jealousy finally got Edgardo to break it off with his baby mama, and on the other end, Happiness convinced Marlena to break it off with Envy, whom she was dating out of the blue all of a sudden.

1

Happiness: “AND YOU ARE NEVER EVER EVER / GETTING BACK TOGETHER~”

Happiness takes a little pride in this.  He hopes it will be the worst thing he would ever have to do.  Well, other than to go to Envy’s house and mock him for screwing him over.

2Nice fail, Jealousy.

Jealousy: “I can’t help it!  Have you seen this hideous table!  Of course I pissed myself, it’s THAT bad!”

3Jealousy: “Now this is much better.  I really like this room.  Maybe Edgardo isn’t such a bad home decorator after all.”

Edgardo: “Already told you, babe.  I didn’t do this!”

Jealousy: “Don’t care, get in here and prepare for your world to be rocked!”

4Ignoring the world rocking for now, we got this asshole up in our house.

Repo: “I don’t know, I’m about to do some world rocking myself.”

IT’S NOT THE KIND WE WANT

5Oh come on, you are going to steal our Narnia box?

Repo: “It’s not like you’ve ever used it maybe once!”

He actually took the mirror and I didn’t notice until later.

6Happiness: “Say my name, say my name / when no one is around you / Marlena doesn’t love you~”

Stealing Marlena from Envy made him really cocky.  There’s no way in hell I’d walk up into a wasp nest like that after what I’ve done to the wasp.

7Envy: “I’M GOING TO BREAK OPEN YOUR RIPCAGE AND EAT YOUR HEART, HAPPINESS YOU PIECE OF SHIT MAN WHORE”

Happiness: “Whoa whoa whoa, calm down!  Let’s take a deep breath, relax, maybe go out and seek out the salon professionals to help you cool down that temper…”

8Envy: “NO, I WANT YOU DEAD!  I WANT TO SEE YOUR SHITTY SOUL FLOATING AROUND DOWNTOWN WITH THE OTHER CRAP GHOSTS IN THIS TOWN, NOT WITH THE GIRL I WAS ABOUT TO FINALLY GET LUCKY WITH, YOU’RE A DEAD MAN HAPPINESS AND YOU CAN FORGET GETTING A CHRISTMAS CARD FROM ME THIS YEAR”

Happiness: “Please don’t hurt me!  You’re better than this Envy, you’ve never resulted to violence before!  We were friends once, remember?  Just spare me on the sake of our friendship!”

9Envy: “But we can’t be friends anymore man!  You stabbed me in the back, and now what am I left with?!  A idyllic cabin fit for a Disney princess complete with this WALLPAPER!  I’m alone!  Alone forever!  Boo hoo hooooooo!”

Happiness: “I…”

And then Happiness slipped out before Envy could remember to throttle him and he made his escape.

10Angela: “Why is it you that always makes the fails, Eunice?  We have two bathrooms now, and every time someone actually needs you, you are in bed.  There isn’t really any need for you to be this tired and such!”

Evalin: “What are you bitching at, Angela, she was just break dancing!  That’s all!  No one really saw her sleeping, so it doesn’t count!  She slipped and hit her head and blacked out for a second, at the most, and that’s not sleeping!  So piss off!  BESIDES, that piss puddle over there smells a lot like goodness and butterflies, and the last I checked, your bladder was only a few minutes to lift off, so I think you wet yourself as well!”

11I think Happiness’s biggest fan is Meghan, considering this is about the third time she’s wanted a sing-a-gram (four or five if you count the ones I ignored)

Meghan: *Is censored due to confetti*

12Happiness: “Egret?  Would you like a sample of my latest album!  I call it, Happiness Happens, and it’s my break through rap album.  I tried to rap for a short bit.  It was really short.  As you can hear in Track 6, I break down and cry because I’m the worst rapper I have ever heard, but all the other songs after it sound great!”

Egret: “I think you are a fantasic singer and I would love to have a copy of your album!  Thanks so much, Happiness!”

13Happiness: “Woooooooooooow.  Someone actually took my album!  I couldn’t even sell them as paper weights, but someone actually wanted one.  I’m speechless :O”

Egret: “Happiness?  Are you ok?  You look petrified…”

14Happiness: “:O”

Egret: “Ok, you are starting to scare me… Should I call a paramedic?”

Happiness continued to stand there, mouth open, frozen, until Egret gave up and walked away.  Which is a good thing, because I was about to reset him, it scared me a little bit.

15Happiness: “Yooooooooo gurl!  Open da door, homie!”

Marlena: “For Pete’s sake, can’t anyone in this town actually knock or open the front door like a civil human being?!  Who the honk is out there this late at night?!”

16Marlena: “What the- Why is the door giving me a thumbs down?!  That’s not very nice at all.”

17Happiness: “Knock knock, sweetie!  It’s your honey!”

Please don’t make a mockery out of yourself, Happiness.  This is the same reason Marlena agreed to dump Envy for.

18Sigh.  Do the people in this house need a 24 hour baby sitter?

19Mephistopheles: “I didn’t do iiiiiiit~”

He says as he prances away with a devilish glee.

20Betel: “What?!  Why are you out and helping me?!  Jealousy isn’t even home, she hasn’t been for several hours, so there’s no reason why you would be up and about and helping me save the kitchen!”

21Beelzebub: “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m just as much of a member of this family as you!”

Betel: “I’m not a member of this family, so that doesn’t mean anything, so buzz off!”

Good thing they were here to save the day, because no one was home.

22Meghan is starting to really support my theory on her being Happiness’ biggest fan.

Happiness: “Alright, there’s your dance for the day.  I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, girl!”

Meghan: “Alright!  Have a good night, Happiness.  Say hello to Aunt Eunice for me and remind her that her daughter is a useless bitch!”

Happiness: “Will do!”

23Edgardo: “Guess what, doll face!  I got a promotion at work!  I’m now a manager or something, but they still give me a tool set when I go in for work!  But no biggie, because I’m making a few bucks more now and life’s never been better!”

24Jealousy: “I always wondered why such a well-to-do man such as yourself has to work at such a dead end job!  You’re set for life, dear! I would have thought you would have given all that up and lived off your money!  Live lavishly, spoil me, that sort of thing!”

25Edgardo: “Yeah, but here’s the thing!  All the family money I have is going to go to my son when I’m gone, and I want my boy to have his inheritance!  Yep, no money-blowing for me!  My child is going to have his life set for him, his college fund all worked out, so it’s all for him and his bright future!  As for me, I’m working hard to earn my pay, and that’s all I can ask for.  Don’t you think that’s the right thing to do?”

26Jealousy: “I, er, what, what, how”

Edgardo: “Yep, when I get a few more promotions, and can finally support you and me, we are going to marry!  Don’t you think that’s swell?!  I had a set up when I was engaged to Meghan, but she stripped me of everything with child support checks!  Honestly, I lost the house, that’s why she still lives there, and I’m gracious enough to her for not kicking me out!  But yeah, I’m broke!”

Jealousy: “………..”

27Edgardo: “Oh.  I better get going, there’s a walking cane sliding across the pavement and the superstitious side of me thinks the lot is haunted!  Can’t bring any ghosts home to haunt me and my son, no siree!  I can’t afford an exorcist!”

28Jealousy: “(Come on old girl, think and think fast!  This asshole is about to blow all his money on his pants-shitting kid and leave you high and dry!  You’re about to be screwed over so quick, do something!

No, not the face, put your lip back in your mouth and stop pulling that face, I know you want to tear his head off with your teeth, but you can’t do it, STOP THINKING ABOUT IT, now do something else before all that cash of his is gone!)”

29Edgardo: “…You alright?  You look like you’re sick or something… or your lips are melting off.  Do you need some Scotch tape?”

Jealousy: “What?  Oh no!  Not at all!  Listen really quick Edgardo, I need to talk to you about something and I need to talk to you about it fast!”

Edgardo: “No time babe, you’ll have to tell me later because my beeper is going off and I need go get back to work!  And yeah, don’t look at me like that about the beeper. I’ve had it for decades!  I can’t afford an actual cell phone you know.  Too broke.”

30Thanks Edgardo.  You’re the one that ruined this date, not Jealousy.

And the last I checked, HOME IS NOT WHERE YOUR JOB IS!

31Meghan: “Oooh, was it me?  I’m I the little ole’ reason Edgardo is taking off as quick as he can?  Because me and his child walked by the sidewalk on the way to work?  Well tough shit, he should have to be reminded what he lost.”

Well you lost the nice hair I gave you, way to be stupid, Meghan.

32Jealousy: “Think you can just bail out on our date, huh?  I’ll teach you, I’ll teach you so hard and stuff a ring on your finger so quick that you won’t have time to even acknowledge me in your house, Edgardo!”

33Jealousy: “Please, Edgardo!  What I have to say is urgent!  I came here to ask you to mar… why is your baby here if it went with Meghan to work with her just now?”

Edgardo: “That’s a good question, but NOW I REALLY have to go to work!  Just watch him and bond with him while I do that, ok!  Thanks, sweetie, I love you!”

Jealousy: “UGH.”

34Happiness: “Jerald!  I’m in the middle of preparing for my first ever gig in public!  Put some pants on!”

Jerald: “Never!  I’m a fairy, man!  I’m a free spirit!”

Happiness: *Stabs with moodlet manager*

35Happiness: “Great.  Another haunted cane scrapping around on the stage.  Mr.  Unearthly Spook, can you please get off the stage so I can prepare for my gig?”

Mr. Spook: “A show!  Hot-diggidy-damn, I’m in!”

36I tried to give his show a simple little set up that wasn’t the original backdrop, but the original backdrop showed up when I was done working on the other one anyway.

Happiness: “I can’t blame them for putting it up though.  It’s how the restaurant does it’s advertising!  So no problem!”

37Jealousy: “I heard my cousin was doing a show and wanted to see how bad he was going to suck.  So I brought rotten fruits and vegatables and molotovs to throw at him when he started to sing terribly.”

Happiness: “Thanks for the support, cousin.”

38Georgia: “I don’t know what you are talking about, he’s pretty good.”

Jealousy: “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!  My cousin, good?!  He sings like a drowning cat in a shower, there is no way in hell he’s any good at anything!”

39*A few Rihanna covers later*

Jealousy: “WOOOOO!  You sing like a mutha’fukin BAWSE, Happiness!  YEAH!”

Georgia: “Yep.  That’s talent.”

40Happiness was doing so well and getting so into it, he kept losing control of the microphone.

Happiness: “And I can’t *drop mic* live without *flings it into the stage set*”

41

Happiness: “What’s with these homies, stealin’ my girl / You really wanna start a fight?!

OH

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NO

MARLENA I’M GOING TO BREAK YOUR EVER LOVING SPINE WITH YOUR BULLSHIT HOPELESS ROMANTIC CRAP, I CAN UNDERSTAND ENVY BUT KINDNESS?!  YOU’VE LOST YOUR EVER LOVING MIND YOU DUMBASS

42OH SHIT, SHE HEARD ME.

Happiness: “Her spine isn’t the only thing that’s getting broken tonight apparently… Georgia?  Real quick, take me to the hospital, I have seemed to have snapped both of my wrists in anger.”

43Happiness found her standing on the side of the road in the middle of no where, probably on her way back from Kindness’ house, after realizing she was in the same house as Kindness.

44Happiness: “Baby come back / you can blame it all on me / I suck at asking you out but I can’t live without you~”

45

Marlena: “Aw, thanks for coming to cheer me up, Happiness!  I really needed that.”

Happiness: “Of course I’m here to cheer you up, even though I’m the one that needs to be cheered.”

Marlena: “Oh?”

46Happiness: “Marlena, I really like you a lot.  And you really like me a lot.  Why do you keep going back to my other family members instead of staying by my side?  Being my girl?  Marlena, I think we really have something, and I didn’t want Envy to ruin it, and I sure as pop don’t want my idiot brother to ruin it either!”

Marlena: “Oh Happiness!  I didn’t realize that dating your family members was hurting you this way!”

47Happiness: “It’s not just for me!  I don’t want you to get hurt either!  Envy just isn’t right for you!  And Kindness… well, let’s just say that could have been the biggest mistake of your life.”

Marlena: “You are the best man in this town, you know.  I’m surprised after all this time, you still want to be with me.  Oh Happiness, I will never look at another man again if you say what I think you are going to say…”

Happiness: “Yes…”

48Happiness: “Will you finally make it official with me, and be my girlfriend, so other town horndogs don’t try to bone you?”

Marlena: “Oh, er, yes!  Yes I will be your girlfriend, Happiness!  And I will be happy to do so!”

49Marlena: “But now I got to go home before my father tears up half the town looking for me!  Ok bye!”

Happiness: “But I was going to ask you… well, alright, the side of the road isn’t the best place for that!  I’ll see you later, Marlena!”

50After the concert, Jealousy slithered back over to Edgardo’s house, where the toddler was by itself, and finally discovered that they had a dog.

Jealousy: “And the things I will do to this dog… like give it treats and biscuits because it’s so fluffy…”

Kiki: “Arf?”

51Edgardo: “Oh hey!  My son grew up!  Jealousy, what time of the day did my son grow up, did you get to see it?!  Jealousy?”

Everett: “Call it quits dad, she just walked up on the porch.  And can someone please come cut this ribbon out of my hair already?!  Anybody?!”

52Edgardo: “I’m back babe!  Now, about that thing you wanted to tell me earlier, I’m all ears now, my love!”

Jealousy: “Oh Edgardo, I waited all day for you to return-”

Everett: “She did not!”

Jealousy: “(Go stuff it, you little twat).”

53Jealousy: “I know you can’t afford to marry me, but I love you so much Edgardo!”

Edgardo: “Wait a second, are you going where I think you are going with this?!”

Jealousy: “Yes I am!”

54Jealousy: “Edgardo, will you make me the happiest woman in the world and marry me?  You don’t have to get me a ring, I got you a ring!  And in turn, you will get me a ring as well, surely, down the road, and it will be 1000 times better than this one (it better be), but for now, this is yours!”

Edgardo: “Oh WOW!  Jealousy, I don’t know what to say, it’s so beautiful, and reminds me so much of the one I gave Meghan, but yay!”

Jealousy: “(That’s because it was, you blind dimwit.  Continue to ignore that and put the damn thing on already…)”

55Edgardo: “I love it!”

Jealousy: “So is that a yes?  You are going to buy me a nicer one when you can?”

Edgardo: “Yes, yes!”

56Edgardo: “OH, and I will marry you!  Definitely going to marry you, my love!”

Jealousy: “Well of course you are, there’s no way you were going to say no to that!”

57Meghan: “And that’s how your idiot father and idiot stepmother got together and lived out the rest of their idiot lives with each other.”

Everett: “This bedtime story will be much better if you let me pick out my own haircut, mother.”

Meghan: “And let that shaggy mess hang in your face and hide that lovely little face of yours, I think not.”

Envious

1Eunice.  Why would you do this, you know I hate taking pictures of this place at night, I can’t see a thing.

Eunice: “What the hell did I do this time?”

You’re going to jail again.

2Cop: “Yeah.  Just… for extortion and voluntary manslaughter and jaywalking, bla bla bla… I don’t really care.  Just… just meet me up by the end of the road, I’ll sit here in the car and wait.”

Talk about lazy.  You couldn’t even be bothered to drive the car up to the end of the block, could you?

Cop: “That takes up too much of my time.”

3Happiness and Marlena were out on a night on the town, enjoying each other’s company and realizing there was more there than they first thought.

Happiness: “I’m never going to forget this night with you, Marlena.  Thank you for joining me.”

Marlena: “Thank you for inviting me.  I really have a great time with you, Happiness.  I hope I get to see you again soon!”

Happiness: “Oh, you will!”

4Very cute.

5The other couple on the other hand…

Jealousy: “I don’t know what I did wrong!  Stop being a buttface, Edgardo, love me again, LOVE ME!”

Edgardo: “Ick, get away from me, bitch!”

You happy now, Jealousy?!  You got that break up out of your system now?  Because you aren’t allowed to go bipolar on me halfway through the marriage, I won’t permit it!

6Eunice: “Hmmm…”

Don’t even think about it.

Eunice: “Well they booted me out of jail just now and left me with no way to get back home!  They deserve to get their bike stolen!”

7Christoff: “I don’t understand.  Why haven’t I seen my wife lately in the chapters anymore!  It’s like she’s vanished from existance!  Wasn’t she not an important member of this story too?”

Considering she was Evalin’s side order, no she was not.  Also, considering she was your wife, Christoff, you shouldn’t be concerned with her showing up in our lives as much as she’s been sleeping around on you.  Just saying.

8Happiness: “Oh wow.  That is the worst karaoke singing I have ever heard!  Makes me feel I’ll get a world tour deal after all!”

Yeah, the singing was really bad.

9Fancy: “Stop havin’ ur lil’ freaky monster babies!  I deal wid’ yew ‘n ur brother all the time in the hawse, and that’s it, I can only take so many ghosts at once!  Stop addin’ to the roster, I’ll move out if yew do!”

Egret: “Considerin’ yew grew up with FOUR in the house, I hardly think one more’s gonna kill ya.  Besides, didn’t YEW bring a vampire baby in the family?!”

Fancy: “She’s the first vampire in our presti’jus family line, I think she’s a little higher up the chart than ur lil’ mist baby!”

Egret: “CONSIDERING UR KID’S JUSTA FACE CLONE, I DON’T KNOW”

Sounds like an all out smack down is happening up the road at the nearby restaurant…

10Evalin: “Wow.  At the rate you keep pissing yourself, Eunice, I’m never going to get on top of you again.”

Eunice: “It’s not like you already don’t sleep with me anymore, Evalin!  You sexless bitch!”

I don’t know, there also soon may be a smack down right here in the family home.

11OR THERE’S ABOUT TO BE A SMACK DOWN DOWN THE STREET IN A SECOND

NO

NONONONONONONONONONO

12Happiness: “UNBREAK MY HEART / SAY YOU LOVE ME AGAIN / UNDO THIS HURT THAT YOU CAUSED WHEN YOU WALKED OUT THE DOOR / AND STARTED SLEEPING WITH MY COUSIN”

Lady: “…I hardly think this is a celebratory song, Happiness…”

13Happines: “REALLY?!  Ugh, I’m just so FRUSTRATED, that I’m going to eat this rare truffle you made me go all out of the way to pick up!”

Thanks, Happiness.  I really wanted to try to save that.

14Marlena: “Wow!  Who would have thought, my two best friends in the same room together!  I am the luckiest girl in the world!”

Envy: “I can hardly say we are “just friends”, Marlena…”

Happiness: “You want to run that by me again, mother fluffer, please pardon my bad language but darn it!”

15Happiness: “I SEE YOU DRIVIN’ ROUND TOWN WITH THE GIRL I LOVE AND I’M LIKE”

Envy: “You aren’t going to do anything about it, Happiness!  Look at me.  I’m Navy strong, all night long!  I have seen shit!  I could snap you like a twig with one arm tied to my ankle.”

Considering you’ve only been in the army career for a day, I doubt that, Envy…

16Envy: “Oh look, Marlena!  You’re little stick friend Happiness gave me some flowers, and in turn, I will give them to you, because you are such a beautiful little lady!”

17Happiness: “Well that plan backfired on me completely.”

Marlena: “Oh flowers!  Thank you so much Envy!  What a sweetie you are.”

18Happiness: “Looooooook.  Envy.  I don’t want to do this, since we are buddies and all.  But you can’t have Marlena.  I had her first, and if you even think you have a chance with my girl, trust me.  I’ll do something rash.  I’ll tell your mother, and she’ll yell at me, and then eventually, she’ll yell at you, and it won’t be pretty!  You got that?!”

19Envy: “YOU FUCKER HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT, NOW CHEER ME UP”

Happiness: “What the cello, Envy, I would hardly have called that yelling at you…”

20Happiness: “Where did I go wrong / I lost a friend / come back Envy / to my friendship panel again~”

Envy: “Aw, what can I say, I can’t be angry at anyone with a cute stuffed rabbit.  Sigh.  I’m such a sucker for small toys.”

21Envy then pissed himself.

Envy: “What have I done.”

22Marlena: “Oh poor Envy, that’s gross but I pity him so much :(”

Happiness: “Well if this doesn’t put me above him as Marlena’s choice, then I definitely don’t know what will!”

23Envy left, presumably crying, and Happiness and Marlena sung together on the karaoke machine.

Marlena: “To sing with such a star like Happiness, oh this is an honor!”

Happiness: “Hardly, since you have such a beautiful voice yourself!  I think it’s an honor to sing with you!

Astrid: “Ahem, this is an ode to Envy’s piss…. *twang*”

Marlena: “Did… that old woman stop playing guitar, cross the room, and started playing it again in that puddle of urine?”

Happiness: “It’s best to just ignore her, Marlena.”

24Out at the nearby restaurant, and Marlena’s angry side seeps back out again.

Marlena: “Yell at the Egret girl one more time, Fancy, and I will punch you out!  She’s a good girl, she never did anything to hurt you!  You sit here and call yourself a good person, but you aren’t you are the rudest person I have ever met, and it’s hard to believe that anyone would want to even stay with you!”

Fancy: “How could yew say all that…”

Happiness: “Ignore women, acquire lots and LOTS of photos of myself.”

Happiness took four different photoshoots of just himself, by himself.

25Happiness: “Look Fancy, I’m sorry Marlena yelled at you and then took off without even saying goodnight to me, but you’re backing me up to the photobooth and this is making me nervous so can you not?”

26Fancy: “I just wanna give some purdy flowers to a purdy man!”

Happiness: “Oh wow, the perks of being a famous singer just never cease to amaze me!”

More like her relationship with Jamie is on the rocks.

27Remember when I said Happiness took four of these things?  I wasn’t lying.  Of course most of them have a ton of repeats in the frames too.  I’ll save just one of these.

28And then we have a photo of Happiness with his new friend, right over the tv to remind everyone that he has, in fact, made friends.

29And then, in his bedroom he has a set of him and his sweetie Marlena, in which she really didn’t want to stop hugging him 3/4th of the time.

Happiness: “We can do other poses you know.”

Marlena: “And let go of my sweet Happiness, never.”

30Fire Alarm: “ENOUGH WITH THE MUSHY GUSHY, HAVE SOME DRAMA IN YOUR LIFE”

The crap that happens with the two are home with the family…

31Happiness: “Gabriel!  What have you DONE?!”

Gabriel: “I DIDN’T DO THIS, I SWEAR!  I DON’T REMEMBER, I COULD HAVE SWORN THIS WASN’T ME, I DON’T EVEN EAT, WHY”

32Jealousy: “I’m so glad you came!  And this time with no Meghan, thank you for doing that for me!”

Edgardo: “I learned from that mistake!  She chased me out of my own house when I went back home with a hot fire poker.  Wasn’t the best idea of my life…”

33Jealousy: “Babe, I hate to sound like the bad guy here because I know I’m not, but why are you still with her?  You love me and want to be with me!  And I know you want to stay with her for the sake of your baby, but we can make the child work!  I’ll be a great step mother!  And I won’t threaten your life with any fire pokers, and we can be a great family together!  What do you say?”

34Edgardo: “Consider it done, my love!  I always knew I should have left Meghan a long time ago!  My heart is with you and our secret love has gone on long enough!”

Jealousy: “It’s not really a secret if you are getting chased around with weaponry…”

35Happiness is trying out for a gig and failing miserably.

Happiness: *Gets caught lip syncing and breaks out into a hoedown*

Cerise: “Oh MY was that a ROBIN?!”

36Edgardo: “So… she left me this afternoon before I could leave her.”

Jealousy: “Don’t tell me that it upset you.”

Edgardo: “It did… I cried and accidentally tore a hole in the front of my evening wear.”

36Meghan isn’t as torn up about the situation as Edgardo is.

I find it funny how the town’s two most cheated on sims found their way into each other’s arms.  Must have met at a support group meeting.

37.5Happiness: “AGAIN!?  Does Happiness have to smack a female dog?! … I wouldn’t hit a dog, that’s too cruel.”

37Happiness went to meet Envy for his sing-a-gram anyway, and go figure he’s standing outside on Marlena’s porch.

Happiness: “Really?”

Envy: “About time you got here!  You are going to sing a romantic song, Marlena will answer through her bedroom window, and it’s going to get me laid.  Awesome, right?!  It’s awesome.”

38Happiness: “I got an idea, instead of giving you a sing-a-gram that will influence Marlena to let you in her bedroom, here’s a CD that I made, and I want you to have it!  It’s a cover of My Goodies that I sing over a instrumental, played entirely on three bassoons.  I sing it a total of 12 times, it’s great I recommend it!”

39Envy: “This is great, I shall play this while having sex with your girl, thanks!”

40Happiness: “Wow, I can’t believe you said that.”

Envy: “I can’t believe you didn’t expect that from me.  You’re stupider than I remember.”

41Jealousy: “I’ve been waiting out in your yard for fifteen minutes!  When the hell are you going to let me in your house, Edgardo?!”

Edgardo: “Hold up for a second, I wanted to introduce you to my baby first!”

Jealousy: “Oh hell.”

42Jealousy: “Wow… what a, um, beautiful little girl, Edgardo.  She looks just like you.”

43Edgardo: “What are you talking about, Jealousy?!  Everett is my son!”

Jealousy: “Are you serious?”

44Edgardo: “Oh.  I think we should go inside now…”

Jealousy: “About time.  It took the presence of your ex to make you want to do that?!”

Meghan: *The saddest violin song ever playing*

45Jealousy: “What is wrong with people, giving her a little makeover doesn’t make her life any better, I’m still taking her man.”

Meghan: “Yes well, I’m here for my son, screw you and Edgardo, I’m in it for my baby, and nothing else.”

46Meghan: “But I do wish that YOU WILL BURN IN THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL, WITH SPIKES COVERED IN ANTS AND SALT FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE”

Jealousy: “And Edgardo still let’s you in the house around that kid with a potty mouth like that?  What a shame.”

47

Emmit: “Why is there a man in our bathtub, Marlena?”

Marlena: “He’s a friend of mine, daddy!  I promise he isn’t going to do anything in our house!  Don’t be rash and go in there and snap his neck.”

48Happiness: “I don’t even know how I got in here, but I found their bathtub.  It’s got jets in it!”

I’m surprised he made it past the porch, considering that there’s a bouncer at the front door basically.

49Envy: “Isn’t Marlena going to let me in or not?!  I can’t be standing out here all night, I have to be back on base in three hours!  Ugh, forget this bitch.”

So Envy finally got the hint and left.

50Marlena: “WOW, you came out of the bathroom ready for bed… and you’re shirtless…”

Happiness: “Yeah, your toilet broke and sprayed water all over my good shirt.  I might as well put on my jammies.”

51Marlena: “Oh, and daddy hopped into the only house bed here!  Woe is me!”

Happiness: “Eh?”

52Emmit: “Why is my baby girl crying?  Did you hurt her feelings, skinny song boy?!”

Marlena: “And this is the part where daddy kills you, I’m so sorry, Happiness…”

52Oh hello there, I didn’t even know that they were official!

Happiness: “I’m clicking on it.  I’m going to win Marlena and there’s nothing Envy can do about it.”

53Marlena: “Yeah, I’ll break up with Envy!  Did you know that I invited him over last night to stay with me and he didn’t even make it here?  He texted me saying that ‘he was here’ or whatever, and then didn’t even come in the door!  I have no idea where he was but I don’t like getting ditched like that.  Yeah, we’re over.”

Happiness: “Sweet.”

A Beautiful Night Sky

1Well what do you know.  Eunice did try to make it to the graduation after all.  Considering she’s several hours late and spent most of the time passed out on the sidewalk.

Eunice: “I don’t know what you are talking about, I didn’t fall asleep, you’re crazy!”

You have a Z stuck to your face.

Eunice: “Oh. Well then wipe it off for me!”

2Happiness: “Time for celebration!  Aunt Evalin, would you like to join me on a trip to the bistro with some of my friends for a feast?”

Evalin: “If that means free food, hell yeah!  I’m in!”

Happiness invited virtually all of his friends, also known as absolutely everyone on the lot at the time.  There just wasn’t a congo line like last time.  I blame the stairs.

3Oh!  Well what a nice surprise it is to see you here!

Fancy: “Nat’rally.  I’m always a nice surprise, but I’ll have’ta ask ya to nawt stare, mmk?”

Guard Dog: “I think she was talking about me.”

Neither you dips.  I was talking about Marlena, whom I haven’t seen since she got into the arguement with Evalin over cats and whatever else.

4Apparently she’s currently dating this… guy…

John: “I’m a part time sign for a living!”

That poor woman.

5Happiness: “You really suck sometimes Aunt Evalin, and that’s no good!”

Sometimes you’re just asking for it, Happiness.

6Evalin: “WELL I THINK YOU’RE SHIT BOY, AND YOU BETTER NOT EVEN SHOW UP AT THE HOUSE TONIGHT, OR I’LL BREAK YOUR LEGS”

Envy: “Well Happiness did have it coming to him for that comment.”

Marlena: “Maybe I shouldn’t have shown up tonight, this might not have been a good idea.”

7Happiness: “I am sorry to startle you like that!  I would hate it if you thought you had to leave, miss…”

Marlena: “Dude, it’s Marlena, how did you forget that, we are friends!”

Happiness: “Miss, I’m friends with everyone in this town.”

Evalin: “Oh hell, not this bitch.  Talk to anyone else besides this bitch, Happiness.”

Fancy: “Yeah, why the hell ain’t no one talkin’ to me instead?!  Gettin’ tired of bein’ ignored tonight…”

Envy: “Ah, what a lovely night for drama…”

8Marlena: “Yeah I’m going to go.  I really don’t need to be stabbed in the back tonight by my nemesis.  And I know she will, literally, stab me in the back.”

Happiness: “I won’t let it happen, I promise!  Please stay, and have a good time like you want, Marlena!”

Fancy: “Alright, gettin’ real sick of bein’ ignored back here.”

This isn’t your legacy, Fancy, get over it.

Marlena: “Thanks, but I am going to go anyway, it’s late and I have to work in the morning.”

9Happiness: “Ok then.  But can you promise me something?  That I’ll get to see you again soon?”

Marlena: “Well I guess it wouldn’t hurt, would help our friendship out a bit.  I’ll call you sometime, Happiness!”

10John: “Macking on my girl, boy?!  Wanna get shanked?”

Happiness: “Uh, who’s he, Marlena?”

Marlena: “I don’t know, he won’t stop following me home D:<”

11Wow, that’s hardly something you should ask anyone, Happiness.

Happiness: “I’m going to go for it.  Egret’s nice, so I’m going to go for it!”

12Happiness: “I don’t really think I want to open any old wounds, Egret, but I must know!  How on earth did a sweet girl like you get stripped of an earthly body by the reaper of souls?”

13Egret: “Well it’s a long story Happiness and I’m willing to share it with you!  It started a few years go in a small southern town far away from here, with a large red man who had lost all his nose cartilage in a four-wheeler related accident…”

Evalin: “We don’t have time for a story Egret, so shut up.  Just looking at you makes me want to punch Marlena in the face.”

Marlena: “Leaving!”

14Eagle: “Oh no, a dead woman!”

Happiness: “Well yeah… she’s standing right here in front of me…”

Eunice, seriously if you are going to stay home from family related events, how about you actually STAY HOME.

15OH, I had no idea Egret was pregnant the whole time!  Who’s the lucky father?!

Egret: “It’s Sebastian Vanderburg, he’s going to join me soon in the realm of the dead though, so I think it’s true love forever.”

Ick.

16Ophaniel: “I got to make a toot toot, cat, move!”

Mephistopheles: “Nooo, I’m comfortable, well as comfortable as I can be without leaving a stink stain on the floorboards.”

Both of you smell terrible, I think someone needs to bathe you.  Where the hell is Betel?

Ophaniel: “Hopscotch.”

I could have guessed that.

17Angela: “Well did you know that, one, you aren’t on this lot why would I care, two, no one knows who you are so why would anyone in this family care, and three, no one is talking to you Nascar, why did I hear about it all of a sudden for no reason?!”

Nascar: “I screamed it.  I’ve taken to screaming a lot.  Everyone within two blocks can hear me.  It helps take away the pain of still being stuck living near the other Secksies.”

18I think it’s neat that the fairy is still in charge of the consignment store.  They usually switch out in two or so weeks, but I feel like Jerald has been around the consignment store pretty much since it plopped down in the town.

Jealousy: “That’s because he’s poor.”

Jerald: “Why you got to be hurtful.”

19Liam: “Oh no!  I’m indecent Jealousy, please wait, wait!”

Jealousy: “I just wanted to wash the cat and then, THIS?!  He… he’s bathing in his SWIMSUIT?!  I knew he was stupid, but holy hell!  This is so dorky and losery that I don’t think I can resist the urge to punch him in the face!  Where’s Happiness, I’ll punch him instead!”

20Liam hopped out of the tub so fast that he managed to bust the water line.

Liam: “I kicked it on my way out and I smashed the pipe with my ankle.  Now it’s spewing water everywhere.  Also, my ankle is bleeding.  And it’s broken.”

21Liam: “I was hoping you were on your way to call a doctor for my leg out of the kindness in your heart, but it’s ok… I guess I should have taken care of it myself, being a doctor and all.”  *Hobbles around on one leg*

Jealousy: “No chance in hell I would do that, Uncle Lili.  I made pancakes though.  By the way, since you angered me so much, you can’t have them.  Get out of my way, I’m locking them up in the fridge.”

Liam: “That’s not nice, you saw me going right to them!”

22Happiness: “It’s nice that you agreed to meet me for a movie Marlena!  I never really had friends in school, and now that I have a ton of them… whew… I don’t really know what I’m doing!”

Marlena: “That’s ok!  As friends we hang out, do lots of things together, and sometimes we just sit and talk.  Being friends is easy and fun!”

23Marlena: “My favorite thing to do is to just sit and listen to good music.  A good song a day is good for the soul!”

Happiness: “Well that’s just swell, because I am a singer you know!”

Marlena: “I do know, and I think you are an absolute fabulous singer, Happiness!”

She say this as he ignores three sing-a-grams that he should have done today.

24Happiness: “F is for friends who do stuff together / U is for U and ME~”

Marlena: “Aww, he’s so cute when he sings his silly little jingles!”

25Happiness: “N is for anywhere and anytime at all / down here in the deep blue seaaaaa~”

Marlena: “Gah, so cute!”

I think he stunned her into confusion.

26Jealousy: “Oh Edgardo dear, I had such a terrible day yesterday after you left me!  Your fiance’s brutal sister, oh she insulted me, and then there was a fight!  Sniff, it was all I could do to get away from her!”

Jealously, you beat her mercilessly into the ground and then gloated over her while you did so.

Jealously: “I do love my dear cousin so much, but her family is so savage!  I worry about you and what you are marrying into!”

27Edgardo: “Do not cry for me my dear Jealousy!  It breaks my heart when you are so caring that you actually try to use your facial structure to frown!”

Jealousy: “You must absolutely think about what you are getting yourself into, Edgardo!  It’s not safe!”

Edgardo: “Do not worry!  I’m here with you now.”

Mr. Doctor: “Wow, he bought that hard.  What a gullible idiot.”

28Edgardo: “I do love Meghan.  But my love for you… it’s unrivaled.”

Jealousy: “Please!  Then love me the way you love Meghan (and give me a fucking ring already)”

Edgardo: “In due time, love!  I can’t just up and out on my soon-to-be baby.  Give me just a few more days, ok my love?”

Jealousy: *Internal fustration groans*

29Angela: “Envy, before you move out and leave us forever, we want you to know that we love you so much!”

Liam: “You have become the man we hoped you would be.  You are going to do great things, we know this!”

Envy: “For fuck’s sake, why am I still here?  You done?  Can I FINALLY get out of this hellpit, please?!”

30And with that, Envy finally moved out, and busted through all the walls in the house to get out, apparently.

31He ended up being Kindness’ neighbor-

Envy: “FUCK”

And managed to obtain the cutest little candy cottage I have ever seen in my life, with a color scheme that almost matches the scheme of the house when Angela and Evalin were in charge.

Envy: “Great, not only is Kindness going to want to come over every morning for coffee and tea time, but I can’t even get away from the haunting wallpaper.  Just effing fantastic.”

32Beelzebub: “A new table?  That’s neat.  But hey, why are there obviously a couple chairs missing?  We go broke or something?”

Evalin: “No, it’s the fact that dumbfucks like you take it upon yourselves to stand in the exact spot where chairs need to go and refuse to move out of the way.  And personally, if you don’t get out of the way, someone is going to end up like the Velveteen Rabbit, only this time without the dues ex machina inspired happy ending.”

33Gabriel: “Do you really think you should be sitting around eating up the family’s pancakes?  I mean, you don’t even have a stomach.”

Betel:  “You weren’t given permission to sit on your ass all day when you aren’t stuffing pillows down Happiness’s throat hole, but that doesn’t stop you either, now does it?”

Betel tries to take no shit from the bothersome IFs I think.

34Eunice: “Why haven’t I been getting any since our daughter grew up?!  Virtually all the children are out of the house, and I have been suffering a drought forever now?!  Is it because I’m old too?!  Because the vows said until death do we part, Evalin!  DEATH DO WE PART!”

Evalin: “How about you get off my ass about it, Eunice?!  I’m 80 fucking years old, and I don’t need to be taking your shit right about now anyway!”

Betel: “Sounds like trouble in paradise at the moment.  Whatever kind of paradise this is, anyway.”

35With the riddance of her younger brother, Jealousy’s room consumed his and doubled in size.  Time to celebrate.

Jealousy: “Hurry up and get in here!  Join me on the new bed, this is really nice!”

Beelzebub: “No need to tell me twice, I’m on the way!”

Jealousy: “Not you, you dumb shit.”

36Liam: “Me?  Oh wow, you did a great job with the interior decoration!  You are such a talent, you should come and help me redo our bedroom sometime, Jealousy!”

Jealousy: “NOT YOU EITHER!  Ugh, I knew I should have sprung a little extra for an trapdoor in the floor.”

37Edgardo: “I am here, so sorry I was late, there was a line at the door, and I was stuck behind your uncle and some invisible force that smelled like childhood and annoyance.”

Jealousy: “Must be an evil spirit present or something.  I’ll summon a priest and have it exorcised.  With some matches and a fire pit.”

Beelzebub: “Hey…”

38Edgardo: “You sure you want to do this?  You do know I have Meghan and all at home, right?”

Jealousy: “Look at me care, babe.”

Beelzebub: “Oh yeah, you get that… man, this is making my stuffing all hot right here…”

39Meanwhile, Happiness invited Marlena over for the only thing he really wants… some pillow fighting.

Happiness: “14 years, I have practiced with my imaginary friend, I am invincible!”

Marlena: “Ah, my tooth!”

Jealousy: “Anywhere else with that, Happiness?  I’M TRYING TO GET SOME SEXY ON OVER HERE!!”

40And so Happiness had to take his little game with Marlena into the next room, and then Jealousy and Edgardo did a little bit of “pillow talk” of their own.

41Jealousy has really taken up some wants to cook lately.  Here she is baking cookies, of all things.

Jealousy: “All my little cookies are shaped like little Kindnesses and Liams, so I can burn them and get my fix.  Unfortunately I kept trying to make them disproportioned and fat on purpose so they kinda just look like little cookies…”

42Happiness: “Hey!  It’s Marlena!  Taxi driver, pull over, I would like to say hello to her!  Also, WATCH WHERE YOU’RE DRIVING, YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN HER KILLED JUST NOW!”

43Happiness: “Thanks for coming over last night, Marlena!  I had a lot of fun hanging out with you.  Even though after a while all of Jealousy’s moaning and wall thumping eventually unnerved you enough and you left, but I still thought that last night was great.  I was thinking, want to go, um, eat at a restaurant down the street?  Hang out some more?  I really enjoy spending time with you.”

Marlena: “I would love to go out with you!  Let’s go!”

44Marlena: “I think it’s just an absolutely lovely night, don’t you think?”

Happiness: “Are you kidding?  It’s a full moon!  It’s an absolutely terrible night, I can’t see a thing!”

46Happiness: “Forget the crappy full moon, and my sudden crappy moment ruining cell phone, how about we just chill for a moment.  I would love if you would join me and watch the stars with me tonight, Marlena.”

Marlena: “That sounds like a swell idea!”

Nicholas: “Where am I?”

47Marlena: “I know the moon makes everything an icky green and visibly darker for some weird reason.  But I love the night sky here in Hidden Springs.  So crisp and clear… they are the most beautiful sight on earth.”

Happiness: “Oh psshaw, I can think of a more beautiful sight than the stars…”

Marlena: “Really?  What’s that?”

48Happiness: “You.”

Cellphone: *Still ruining the fucking mood, probably with some sort of obnoxious ringtone*

49And so, Happiness and Marlena sat for hours in the cool clean night air, watching the full moon, and listening to that shitty cell phone on a loop.

Cell phone: “♫WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE / WE GOT FUN AND GAMES / WE GOT EVERYTHING YOU WAN*beepbeepbeep, one new voice mail*”

50Happiness and Marlena weren’t the only ones out watching the night sky.

Jealousy: “Yeah… keep watching the saying they are the most beautiful things in the world, bla bla bla, gonna make a go for that wallet… here I go…”

51Edgardo: “OH?”

Jealousy: “Sigh… that’s not a wallet…”

52Edgardo: “Feeling frisky tonight, my love?!”

Jealousy: “Uuuughn… I suppose I am…”

53

Park Brawling

I’m posting two chapters in one night, it’s almost unheard of!  Three if you count the chapter over at my pokemon rainbowcy that I cranked out about three hours ago.  I just can’t sleep tonight.  I close my eyes and feel a seething rage for various dramatic events in my life at the moment, so I’m just going to keep myself up.

ALSO, I saw a mouse earlier, and the idea that there is a remote chance of it getting on my bed and running around on me while I sleep gives me the heebie jeebies.

1Angela, after being given her free range, apparently bugs Envy more than ever.

Angela: “-And that’s why it’s never a good idea to try radish and ghost chili soup past bedtime!  Haha!  Oh I just love imposing wisdom on you Envy.  You are such a good listener.”

Evalin: “More like a good droll, seriously Angela, the boy couldn’t give less of a shit.  I think he might be dead inside at this point.  It would be funnier if it wasn’t my son you were slowing killing.”

2Envy: “Yes, I can finally get out of the house for a while.  Guys, it’s prom, and I’m getting the hell up out of here!”

Eunice: “Hey Evalin.  Remember that bet we made last week?”

Evalin: “Yeah, and let’s up it $40 more for the fun of it.”

Eunice: “I’ll match that with a Hardee’s bacon biscuit and a shower quickie if the cops get involved.”

Evalin: “Oooh deal!”

Envy: “Yeah… I don’t like the sound of that.  Never do, really.”

3Eunice: “FUCK”

Evalin: “That’s $160 bucks you owe me.  Fork it over.”

4

5

6I don’t know how this Annie girl is, but it makes me happy Envy is seeing someone.  I hope when he’s out on his own he can continue with this Annie girl.  She sounds nice.

7Envy had a nice prom.  A bad start, but he really enjoyed himself.

8Back in the lives of our heirs:

Hm.  I wonder who would yell at Madeline.

Madeline: “You are the biggest dick this town has ever seen, I don’t care if you are Angela’s son or Angela herself, I hate you!  Now, sing for me, bitch!”

9Well at least someone in this relationship is keeping it in the family.  Unlike others.  Of course, soon after I got this, Jealousy had to go running her mouth.

10Jealousy: “Of course I knew they weren’t going to make it, no one did!  Haha!  My mother ruined that woman forever.”

11

Envy: “Mom, I need help!  I think I’m about to starve to death for some reason!”

Evalin: “Well if you wait here long enough, Angela might show up.  She usually does.  And feeds us.  I don’t know, I had an old birthday cake slice.  Angela’s so fucking slow sometimes.”

Yeah, I had free will turned off for some stupid reason, but turned it on when I realized that Eunice had been standing in front of a toilet for at least two hours.  Still almost lost Envy when he didn’t come out of his room for the rest of the night, free will or not.  I guess realization just takes longer for some than it does others.

12Happiness, what the hell.

I don’t know which expansion this is supposed to come in, but I don’t have it!

13Happiness: “Wow, it smells like human excrement in here!”

I wouldn’t doubt it.

Happiness: “I’m going in again!  This is just too much of a thrill!”

He found a coffee table.  A whole coffee table.  And it was the nice one, a really expensive one, and it concerns me who would throw out such a good and pricey piece of furniture.

Happiness: “Probably someone trying to throw Jealousy off the trail.  I hear she was getting merciless before she started attaching herself to the Vanderburg boy.”

14Speaking of Jealousy, she wanted to hang out with Edgardo, so she told him to meet him in the park the farthest away from his house (and Meghan)

Jealousy: “Oh good, you made it!  I was hoping you would, I was scared that you were going to blow me off by saying you had to work one of your long, strange shifts that never seem to end at the theater!  Haha, (because I was about to hunt you down…)”

Edgardo: “I’m sorry it took so long getting here, but don’t worry, I made it!  It’s so good to see you Jealousy, I just love spending some time with you, you know…”

15Edgardo: “Oh, uh, by the way, I um, brought Meghan along.  Because she insisted.  That’s not a problem, right?”

16Jealousy: “Are you a moron?”

17Jealousy: “I mean, no, no!  That’s not a problem at all!  I just love it when a family man such as yourself shows so much love for the girl in his life.  I think that’s so hot…”

18Edgardo: “You think that’s hot, huh?  I think little button nosed bulldog women are hot too.  Just something about them that gets my motor going, you know…”

Jealousy: “(Am I supposed to take that as a compliment you little shit) Sounds like I meet that quota, hee hee!”

It also sounds like why he started settling for Meghan.

19Sidney: “Wow, you think you need a bandaid for that massive burn, Meghan?!”

Meghan: “I really, really don’t need your bull at a time like this, Sidney.  This is serious.”

20Jealousy: “Oh come here to mama, you handsome little chunk of a man!  Aw, you’re so warm…”

Edgardo: “Yes, and you are so pretty, Jealousy…”

Sidney: “Oh shit, dog!  Isn’t that your man macking up on your cousin?!”

Meghan: “Sidney, you better back my ass up, because I’m about to hog tie them up and dump them in the lake, hold me back girl, I’m going to do it!”

21Edgardo: “Oh crap, what am I doing?!  I better get the hell out of here before I die!  Jealousy, I got to go, Meghan, I’ll see you later on back at the house, right?  Right?”

Meghan: “Look bitch.  I don’t care what you think you are doing, but I have a baby with him and you need to get the fuck out of our lives.  You hear me, Jealousy?!  I’m serious!”

Jealousy: “And I’m serious too, Meghan, and I’m too tired to put up with your shit!”

22Jealousy: “You really think you still have a chance with Edgardo, Meghan?  Big shit, you have a ring and a baby.  I have the looks, the body, you don’t stand a flaming chance in Hell’s oil fields compared to me!”

23Jealousy: “And I’m going to let you in on a little tiny secret.  Because you don’t really have to worry about Edgardo, you know.  Once I’m done with him.  You can have him back.  You know.  What’s left of him.”

Meghan: “You are so full of shit.  Edgardo will stay, I know he will, and there’s nothing you’ll do that will make him leave me.  You don’t have it in you!”

Jealousy: “Try me you dumbass.  You don’t know me, and I’m going to wreck that flimsy little relationship you have with him in a week, just watch me!”

24Meghan: “Sidney, I’m going to go home now.  I’m so mad I can’t even see straight!  And I am not fighting with this bitch and risking the health of my child.  I’ll talk to you later, goodbye!  And screw you, Jealousy.”

Jealousy: “Bye, bitch.  Ugh, what a dumb hoe, am I right?!”

25Jealousy: “Hell, I bet she’s at home right now, crying about it to whoever will listen to her sob story relationship.  Haha, am I good or am I good?!  I can’t even believe a tardnugget like her is even related to me!”

Sidney: “You tramp, there is nothing I want more than to see your ghost right now.”

26Jealousy: “What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

Sidney: “You look here, you stupid harlot!  I don’t give a shit if you’re Meghan’s cousin or not, I’M her sister, and when you offend her, you offend me, and you really starting to piss me off!”

Jealousy: “Tough shit, like you can even do anything about it.”

27Sidney: “You really want to do this?!  You really want a go right now?!”

Jealousy: “You won’t do SHIT, you don’t have the guts to go against me Sidney!  I will tear you up right now, you messed up skaglicker!”

28Of course, Jealousy sucker punched her and had the advantage the whole fight.

29Sidney: “This isn’t right!  I hate you and your whole stupid family, you bitch!  Expect a call from my lawyer, Jealousy!”

Jealousy: “Try me, I’ll kick his wormy little ass just as hard as I kicked yours.”

Sidney then got a restraining order on Jealousy, but Jealousy ignores it because she just doesn’t give a shit.

30Happiness: “Hey kid!  I don’t really know who you are, but you are showing up in my list as one of my friends!  It’s weird though, because now that I’m a singer, HALF the whole town is my friend!  I suspect it’s a perk of being a rising star!  Ah yes.  Also, I’m so sorry your house looks like it’s melting into a grey blob.  You must be sitting on a fault line or something.”

31Happiness: “Unbreak this house / say you love it again / undo this render bug when this game got slow and started freezing~”

Kid: “I can hardly see how that was a celebratory song, Happiness.”

Father: “Of course it’s a celebration, son!  This gift box contains a whole new set of furniture and new rug and working fridge and everything!  We won’t go hungry anymore tonight!  You really are an angel Mr. Fallen sir!  A new fan I am!”

32I missed Envy’s birthday, and I regret it.  But now he can move on, escape his curse of this house, and live a life I’m sure he’s dreamed about for years.

33My handsome little Envy is a newly fledged athlete, and I think his LTW deals with the military.  I could also be thinking that because as soon as he moves out later on, it’s the job he ends up in.  Not sure.

34Happiness wanted to go hang out with Jamie, so he called off work and went to the local club!

Happiness: “Walk into the club like what up / I plan on paying for rounds for everyone as long as the promise to drink responsibly and keep tabs on their designated drivers”

Jamie: “Why do you always got to do that?”

35Happiness: “You go on first.  You can even go second, maybe.  Let’s just say I have a bad experience with this strange game.”

Jamie: “There’s nothing to it, Happiness, you just aim the pool que, shoot like this and oh…”

36Happiness: “Dude, where are you going?!  I said you can go again if you want!  You can just play the whole thing I don’t mind!  Jamie, come back!”

37Jamie: “Can’t believe I 8-balled in the first turn, I’m terrible, I’m a failure, the Vampire Lord was right and I shouldn’t have left the coven, why am I such a piece of crap…”

Happiess: “Darn it Jamie, get back here and play this stupid game with me!  Jamie!  I’ll even let you win, look you win, don’t go…”

38Aw, so THIS was the real reason Jamie took off so suddenly!  Sounds like someone is having little babies now!

39Happiness.  Look, dude.  I was only gone for a couple of minutes to look at Fancy and her new baby.  That is no reason for you to show up NAKED IN THE ALLEY WAY BEHIND THE CLUB HOUSE.  ARE YOU MENTAL?!

Happiness: “I can’t, I’m sorry!  There was a hobo, I gave him my outfit, I felt like that was the right thing!  Then he took my wallet!  And then got back in his truck with his gun and left!  I felt like I helped that hobo today.  So you don’t have to Stop and stare / my booty’s freezin’ so I won’t go no where~”

I don’t think that was a hobo, Happiness.

40Angela: “Evalin, Happiness is stuck at the club naked and needs a lift.  Since I can’t because of reasons, I was hoping you… would… I suppose since you are too busy wetting the carpet, you can’t pick him up either.  Never mind then.”

41Happiness spent a day to himself, hanging out with his true friend and violently beating the crap out of him for wanting to pillow fight with him for the 29402738295632817946187935th time.

Also, hey Sophie!  No clue in hell why you are all the way out here, but no problem.  Just walk through the back yard like you own it, we don’t mind, not at all.

42Jealousy: “Wow, I feel like making some great pancakes this morning!  And this time I won’t even try to lace them with roofies for the fun of it!”

Liam: “I know that feeling!  I feel like making waffles, this is going to be great!  Don’t worry, I’ll be done with this one counter top in just… one…”

43Liam: “Lost intrest, bathroom time!”

Jealousy: “Must control my anger… he’ll die soon on his own… must resist urge to bash his skull in…”

44Evalin: “GRAAAAAUAGH!  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!  YOU GROW UP INTO AN ADULT, JEALOUSY, AND SUDDENLY I’M FUCKING USELESS!  WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY ABILITY TO DO SHIT?!”

Jealousy: “Ignoring, backing all my anger toward Liam into these pancakes, don’t need the added stress…”

45Envy awoke the next morning to his high school graduation.  I guess it’s not so much of a big deal, seeing as he’s willing to twist his torso shut just to look at me  with those begging eyes, I suppose it won’t hurt him to go.

46Happiness: “Graduation?!  I better get down there too!”

Why, you aged up almost a week ago.

47Jealousy: “Well if he’s going, I’m going too!”

Why, you are suddenly three days older than him for some messed up and dumbfuck reason!  Let’s just let Evalin and Angela graduate too while they are at it!

48Envy: “Uuuuuugh, stairs?!  Why’d there have to be stairs?!  So many stairs!  How do they suspect us to all get up to this courthouse in record time with this messed up Aztec temple set up?!”

Evalin: “I ask myself the same damn thing every day on my way to work, Envy…”

Jealousy: *Breathes on Evalin’s brain*

Well it would help if you dorks would just more than just ONE corner of the stairs.

49Angela: “Oh Envy, we are just so proud of you, and we want you to know that we are happy to call you our nephew!”

Liam: “You did us proud, boy!  I love you as if you were my own son!  Maybe even more than my own son!  Kindness, of course, Happiness is still pretty cool.”

Envy: “Can you guys BACK OFF for one fucking second!  Shit!  I just want to graduate and go home and eat Doritos, is that too much to ask?!”

50Liam: “Wait, there is supposed to be 7 of us here, we are missing one!”

Jealousy: “Great.  Apparently mom missed the taxi here.  No way in hell she’s going to make herself come to our graduation now.”

Evalin: “Well I hope that bitch gets a nice long nap now while she’s at home.  She’s sleeping on a couch in the yard next to the hopscotching bone maid for the rest of her life for this!”

51Good work Eunice.  You have successfully avoided and evaded all of the family outings I try to make you go to.

Eunice: “What can I say.  I don’t care.”

52Nice to see you graduating too Fancy.  Even though you are even older than the heirs now.

Fancy: “Luk, the school didn’t have a lotta graduraturs, so they rented sum spots out to fill up the ceremony.  I’m jus’ gettin’ paid $40 to sit inna’ chair ‘n make it luk like that school does somethin’.”

53She still got some family to come see her walk the stage

Eagle: “I so proud of my cousin fur gettin’ where she is today!  Gawd, I knew I should’a married her right then ‘n there at prom!”

Uh

54Jealousy: “Of course I was voted most likely to take over the world.  Look at who you’re talking to!”

55Happiness: “I’m not offensive!  Sure, I ran naked up the street a few weeks back and like to be a little bad boy every now and then, but that hurt :(”

You’re inappropriate dear, what did you expect?

Scouting the Town

1My word, I don’t usually have these little crushes on my sims, but I think I’m in love

Envy: “I get it, he’s fucking hot, big deal, shit get this over with already *angry toot*”

I’m sure you’ll be just as handsome one day Envy…

2Oh my, just, umf

I was so excited at how Happiness turned out that I showed my grandparents a photo of him.  They don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Envy: “I don’t know what’s wrong with you either, and I’m not putting up with your bullshit, going to eat my cake in my room alone now, bye.”

Please don’t tell me you are, *ahem*… green with…

Envy: “DON’T EVEN.”

3His first wish as torch holder was to meet a vampire, and there just so happened to be one in the room with him at the time.

Happiness: “Welcome to my party, we have many refreshments, so please just help yourself.  To our refrigerator.  Not any of the guests, obviously.”

4Jealousy’s first wish was also to meet a vampire.

Happiness: “Being a copycat isn’t nice, Jealousy.”

Jealousy: “Getting punched in the face isn’t nice either Happiness, but you are about to be.”

5While Jealousy was chastising Jamie for being a vampire, I changed Happiness’ shirt, because it was the same one Kindness wore as a teen.  It was even the same damn pattern I think.  Sigh, I think that shirt is awesome I suppose.

6Jamie: “Yes, I’ll admit!  I am a vampire!  Sob!  It’s a curse I must live with for the rest of my life!”

Jealousy: “Well that’s just jolly and fucking dandy, just waltz up into my house all hoity toity and expect us to accept your weird blood fetish bullcrap, take one look at me funny and I’ll break a steak in half right in your skinny little chest cavity.”

7Meanwhile Happiness was working on his second wish.  He wants to join the singer career track so he got online, and announced he was a singer a random internet forum.  The anonymous trolls mercilessly tore into his post, and now Happiness doesn’t really use the internet anymore.

8And of course, it’s not a good party until someone old just happens to kick the bucket at it.  Thanks a lot.

Betel: “You’re welcome.”

Not you.

9Happiness: “What a tragedy!  I will never forget you, Alisha.  When I start my music career, I will dedicate every concert I have to you. You are a beautiful soul, and I wish I got to know you better in life…”

10Jealousy: “Oh glorious day!  Our first death in this house, and it’s on my birthday and the day that I take over!  Oh beautiful omen!  Hahaha!”

Envy: “Sucks that it had to be some random old bitty instead of an actual family member.  Takes a bit of the sting out, you know…”

Alisha: “Well then.”

11Adriana Zombie: “Everyone is looking at me now?  Oh hello my loving crowd!  Why yes, I am absolutely stunning today.”

Envy: “Wow, someone is delusional.”

12Apparently it was Eunice’s birthday today too and I missed it, so she grew up after work in the dark of the night and on a steep incline so I couldn’t take a decent photo of her, thanks Eunice.

Eunice: “Hahaha, it’s my pleasure.”

13She doesn’t get a decent age up reveal because she doesn’t deserve it for growing up in a place like this, that and it’s physically impossible.

Eunice: “Now I’ll never make it up this hill, what have I done.”

14Alright, so here’s a better unveiling of the new heirs.  Jealousy is taking over for her mother Evalin, and her new trait was frugal, which means she’s cheap.  For her LTW, I decided to try to be adventurous, and so she’s now a Gold Digger.  Which is fine, because there are virtually NO evil sims in this town for her to get acquainted with.  Seriously, I scoured this town for a mate for her, but it’s so full of goody two shoes and ugh.  A town of all Good sims.  She’ll now look for a rich sim to woo.  And then kill them.

15Happiness is Angela’s heir, and he grew up a Natural Born Performer, but it took him at least 18 years to figure that out.  I believe his love of songwriter music compelled him to write music himself, because he now wants to be a Vocal Legend.

16Happiness: “Whua… who left a whole turkey in my room?”

The start of a new day in his new life under my control.

17Happiness was eager to start his new life as a singer and wanted to make some tips, so he went to town as soon as he could.

Happiness: “I see you drivin’ round town with the girl I love/ and I’m like/ you are a good man and she deserves the best because she is a sweet girl and I wish I could have provided for her the way you do”

18Let’s just say he’s not off to a great start.

19Happiness: “Why are we in the darkest lot in the most back sketch part of town, Jealousy?”

Jealousy: “It’s a salon, tremblenuts.  We are getting matching tattoos of our parents to honor them and to broadcast to the world that we are better than everyone else.  That and my mother won’t let us back into the house until we get them.  Seriously, don’t even try.  Mom’s got a vat of boiling oil over the door if you even try to approach the front walkway.”

20Happiness: “This isn’t so bad at all!  Quite a fun rush actually.  And the tattooist is Good so you know you are getting a quality design.  I wonder what her sign is!”

21Jealousy: “Well if she’s so good, why can’t she install some fucking lights in this place?  Wait, seriously?!  Happiness, did you REALLY just break the whole tattoo chair!?”

Happiness: “Noooo!  I mean, I don’t know what you are talking about!  Ok, maybe.  It’s crunching down on my leg, I need a car jack.”

22Clara: “Well I hope you have a fantastic day, Happiness, and remember to take care of that tattoo correctly!  Have any questions, you call me!  And please do… this is my personal number.”

Happiness: “Oooh ok!”

Jealousy: “Is no one going to acknowledge that the chair is still busted?  No one going to fix it?!  Seriously, I came in for a tat, my stupid cousin goes first and now I’m shit out of luck.  I’m going to end up being the one that kills him too, aren’t I…”

23Jealousy: “NO BIG DEAL, GUYS.  Yeah, just leave me in here, tattooist can go home early, I don’t give a shit, leave me here to fix this damn thing myself, I’m sure taking a wrench to the arm rest is going to do the trick.  I’ll find someone much better to do my tat.  Someone more talented, and less stupid!”

She got the 90 year old hair dresser to do the tat for her.

24Next up on the agenda was to get some photos of the new heirs together, and a quick trip down to the nearby bistro took care of that.

Jealousy: “Wow, this is a great photo!  One of the best photos ever in my opinion.  Could have been better if Happiness would stay out of the damn shot like I told him to, but still, it’s well done!”

25How lovely.

26Jealousy: “Oh snap, it’s a leprechaun!  You bitches are loaded, right?!”

Way to go out and meet people, Jealousy.

Jerald: “Well first off, I’m not a leprechaun, I’m a fairy, and secondly I don’t even think I have a house… I’ve been sleeping under the consignment store floorboards for three months…”

27Oh hello Fancy!  I see you are taking over your uncle’s work and dealing with the nightly hauntings.

Fancy: “Someone’s gotta make sum money ’round heer…”

28Fancy: “Yeah, yew take that yew ghostly hawntin’ sumbitch!”

29Fancy: “Oh lawd, my cous’n’s ‘r gonna hate me…”

I think you are going to be fine with them, Fancy.

30Jealousy found the nice manors in town.

Jealousy: “Let the games begin.”

31Jealousy: “Ok, this game is boring, when the hell is anyone coming home to this place?!”

You’d think that two old people and their teenage daughter wouldn’t stay out past 5 in the morning, but I’m starting to think that they knew Jealousy was there thanks to hidden security cameras and just camped out at a hotel or something.

33Jealousy: “Shit, if I lived here, I’d come back to it every night, whether or not a creepy stalker was hanging around the yard or not.  Look at it.  It’s luxury.”

34The only one home was their pet poodle sophie, which I think has a little bit of Leroy Secksiedog in it’s gene pool, and it lay on the couch all night worrying about the local lake residents.

35Jealousy: “Screw those old farts, their neighbors are just as nice, and they have a swimming pool.  I can surely stalk these people and have more fun with it!”

36Jealousy: “Alright, when are these people coming home now?!  It takes a lot of work hanging around and being sexy in their backyard for long periods of time!”

37Jealousy: “Oh great.  They have a guard dog too.  Just my fucking luck.”

38I checked in on Happiness who was out on his first sing-a-gram assignment.

Happiness: “You are beautiful/ in every single way~”

Meghan: “And you are too sexy, and I’d love you in every single way…”

Happiness: “You can look but you can’t touch it / if you touch it I’mma start some drama”

She’s not paying you for two songs, Happiness.

39I was only gone a few minutes, Jealousy.  I come back and the dog is floating in the pool and she’s running away.

Jealousy: “I didn’t throw the dog in the pool if that’s what you think, no, shut the hell up!”

German Shepard: “Huh?”

40Back at home, Eunice has graced us with the first fail of the generation.  You are just on a roll already Eunice.

41Jealousy: “My money senses smell old age and a chance to destroy a marriage.  I’m going in.”

42Jealousy: “Why hello sir, I see you and your wife are having a glorious afternoon, my name is Jealousy, but my close friends call me JJ, haha!  (If I had any friends.)”

Madeline: “Am I gonna have to cut a bitch?”

Ok maybe we should step away from the crazy, Jealousy.  I’m sure you could take her, but it’s still not a good idea to get into it…

43WHOA

How the hell did you manage THIS, woman?!

Jeez, some townies.

44I redressed her and probably saved her social life while doing so.  I also made her a witch for the hell of it.  No real reason.

45Jealousy: “Eduardo?  Ooooh.  Hello, I haven’t seen your handsome face in a long time, I thought that my mother had surely given up on you.”

Eduardo: “Jealousy, why you grew up into a fine lady, haven’t you?  I haven’t seen you in forever either, I haven’t seen your mother in a while either.  Then again, last time I saw her she was chasing me down the road on her motorcycle for fun so I didn’t think it was a wise move to go back… but now that I see you, maybe I should have braved it.”

Sounds like someone has found someone they like.

46Happiness: “I couldn’t get any tips from the lot next door, saw you guys and came over!  I’ll set the mood!  Ahem… I’m every woman/ it’s all in meee~”

Eduardo: “What?”

Jealousy: “Oh don’t worry about him, I’m going to strangle his windpipe shut later anyway, so just ignore him for now.”

47Jealousy: “So like I was saying, Eduardo, you seeing anyone?  Married?  I just need to know this for, you know, census purposes…”

Happiness: “Help / I need somebody / help / not just anybody / help /  I need a record deal~”

Madeline: “Looks like he needs a sandwich more than anything else, put some meat on his bones.”

48Happiness: “You are beautiful / in every single waaaay / your two quarters won’t bring me down~”

Nicolaus: “Hey you little punk, I was only trying to help.”

50Back to the sing-a-grams then I suppose.

Cera: “Oh, you have gained a new fan in me, Happiness!”

51Cera: “And a new stalker.”

52Happiness: “What have I done?”

53Ok then, back to tips.

Happiness: “I see a little silhouetto of a man- oh crackers, I DO see a little silhouetto of a man!  It’s a ghost!  Amazing!  I must stop tip singing, wait half an hour for all the tippers to actually tip, and then ooh and aah at the cool purple man!  Oooh!”

Eagle: “Oh come on, really?”

54Happiness: “I can dim the lights and sing you songs full of- more ghosts!  Wow, it’s just a herd tonight!  Must stop again!  Must ooh and aah again!”

Sidney: “Seriously guys, no one wants you here, why did you move in?”

Because they are more important than you are, Sidney, shut up.

55Happiness: “You don’t know you’re beautiful… and in a better boat than the other two supernatural sims on this lot, for reals~”

Jaime: “You’re right, at least I’m not a crazy immortal ghost everyone has to gawk at,  I’m a cool immortal vampire everyone has to get mad over!  Thanks Happiness!”

56Jealousy: “Finally, skulking around in bushes behind Eduardo all day has paid off, I finally found out where he lives and dayum son”

57Ah, jackpot.  I always wanted to add Eduardo to the legacy in some way, but I was sad when he grew up neither evil nor good.  It’s good to learn that he is at least rich!

It’s also strange to learn that his name isn’t Eduardo after all, it’s Edgardo.  What.  What.

58Jealousy: “That’s strange, why is my estranged cousin Meghan standing in his living room in cozy maternity clothes and a bright new engagement ring on her finger?  She must have broken into his house, jealous of his good fortune.  What a stupid bitch.”

I’m afraid to say that’s Edgardo’s fiance now, Jealousy.

59Jealousy: “You seemed to neglect telling me that you were porking my uggo cousin, Edgardo.”

Edgardo: “My mistake, she’s new in my life, and I made some slip ups, forgot some “protection”, and well, I tried to man up and do the right thing.  But I think my heart might just belong to you after all…”

Jealousy: “(Yeah, it better.)”

60Jealousy: “Why, you didn’t tell me you had such a lovely house, Edgardo!  My, I’m so impressed with your decorating skills!”

Edgardo: “Thanks!  I didn’t do any of this though, the previous residents did all this!  My father bought them out and forced them to move, perks of being a Vanderburg and all you know!”

Meghan from the bedroom: “Yo, I think it’s time for you to go, ‘Cus!  It’s 4 in the morning, we need sleep and shit you know.”

Edgardo: “I’ll see you later, Jealousy.  You know, fiance and all.”

61Jealousy: “Don’t worry about all that, Edgardo… I’ll have you soon enough…”

62Ending the chapter with two updates.  Fancy and Jaime are together, and I think that’s a great set up.  I look forward to that.

63Lastly, we have two people I don’t really care too much about, it’s the fact that they had twins with these names, and I love it.  They go together nicely and just bounces in your mouth.  Felisha and Tenisha.  I love twins with complementing names.