Cowplant: “Uh… I guess you tell it to moooove?”
Wrath: “No, you tell it it’s in a slaughter house! Why else would a cow stand in line?! Woo!”
Last chapter: THINGS. I can’t really remember everything that happened other than Anger’s date with his own Aunt. Which is strange, considering consecutively, I just wrote the last chapter hardly an hour ago. Even though it wasn’t posted an hour after the last chapter. Some sort of space time continuum stuff going down on my end I guess.
Felisha: “Calm your shit, kid. It’s not that big of a deal.”
Felisha: “Wow, you really are your mother’s child after all. You are the evilest one in that house as far as I’m concerned, for reals.”
That’s alright. It’s not like it’s going to last very long anyway.
That’s a good question I would like you to answer for me, Jealousy. I was busy watching Happiness go through his 233343927837832nd sing-a-gram when I saw her icon moving really fast over the top of my screen. When I went to check up on her and she was here.
Jealousy: “Do I want to sell all of Edgardo’s old broken bullshit or something?”
Scott: “Please ignore my work clothes, Jealousy, I wanted to see you. Heard you lost your husband, and wanted to say, that for a long time, I have loved you from afar. I love you, Jealousy.”
Jealousy: “And I love blue. Which I think that gem over there in the field is. That’s more important right now. Gotta go check and see if that shit is a sapphire or something. Later, loser.”
I return to Happiness pissing. Marlena could learn a thing or two probably.
No, that’s trauma prevention. If you really have to sponge bathe, go do it in the boys bathroom, like you’re supposed to.
Or rather, don’t sponge bathe in public. You’re not an unprivileged hobo, Happiness.
Happiness: “This is so awkward. At least in the girl’s bathroom, if a woman were to come in, it would just scare her off, or awkwardly turn into a stereotypically weird rom-com situation. Here in the man’s bathroom, if a man walked in, it would just be awkward.”
What if it turned into a weird rom-com too?
Happiness: “It would still be extremely awkward.”
Happiness: “Ah, slowing building the audience back up, ok good, maybe if I do good tonight, they’ll finally let me perform in the night club. Or let me in the night club altogether. Sponge bathing in the bathroom wasn’t the best idea after all.”
Letitia: *Is murdered by sudden spear of ice through the skull*
Who are you yelling at?
Happiness: “Better yet, why are you on my stage! I got a show to do! Move cat! Go home for pete’s sake!”
ALL THE WAY TO THE KARAOKE BAR
JUST TO INVESTIGATE HAPPINESS LIKE HE’S A STRANGE SIM
YOU STUPID CAT
Happiness: “I’m sorry folks, the show has to be postponed for a few moments, because our family cat has apparently followed me all the way from home. I hate to do this, but I can’t focus with him here right now, so I’ll have to move him before I start singing.”
Mephistopheles: “I’m pretty sure this guy is a vampire, guys.”
Mephistopheles: “I’m getting sleepy, Happiness. Can you read me a bedtime story?”
Happiness: “CATS DON’T NEED BEDTIME STORIES!”
Happiness: “Please excuse my fustration everyone. The cat is stubborn, and I do not promote yelling at your pets. Never ever. I’m against animal abuse of all kinds. I’m the Sarah McLachlan of vampires, I swear.”
Mephistopheles: *Scrunches up to take a dump on stage*
Mephistopheles: “Sorry, I had a big lunch.”
Whatever they are doing on stage, they are doing it right. The audience seems to be eating it up.
Mephistopheles: “Fine, I’m out of the way. Do your thing already and let’s go home. Hmm. I wonder if that sim is some sort of mutant butterfly. I bet I could kill that one just as easily as I can kill the regular ones.”
Turns out, that show actually got a really good review. I suppose the audience enjoyed human-on-cat slapstick humor or something.”
Happiness: “I guess I have you to thank for the good reviews Mephistopheles. I guess it’s true, everyone loves cats. Let’s go home, buddy. See you later, Bear. Hope you can come to my next show, and thanks for solidifying into an actual dog for the show.”
Bear: “No problemo.” *Spins ears really fast and takes off for home like a helicopter*
Drew: “I do think these flowers are fantastic, Jealousy. But don’t you need to be concerned about your cousin’s wife in labor over there? She’s kinda screaming in pain and breaking water all over your kitchen floor.”
Jealousy: “Don’t worry about her, I’ll kill her later for ruining the floor. Just for now, appreciate my flowers. Do it.”
Happiness came home in time to take Marlena to the hospital for the birth of their last child as far as I’m concerned, and this is baby Peace, their first son (in a sea of estrogen, I’m sure it’s a sight for sore eyes of Happiness). Peace is a loner and he is a genius. He might like meditation or yoga or something. His favorites include songwriter music like daddy, dim sum, and green like his sister Charity, which is perfect, because he’s gonna be stuck sharing a room with her anyway.
And it seems that I like to type out his name as Pease at first. This is going to be a long portion of the legacy, I can already see this.
Loyalty: “I declare this royal court open, as we welcome the newest prince of peace into our little family. He is quite literally, the Prince of Peace. the Peace Prince. Prince. I love that guy’s music. Daddy should sing his songs in his shows more often.”
Loyalty: “Aw, daddy! You’re embarrassing me in front of the court!”
Loyalty: “Yay, daddy made the narrator cry!”
HE DID NOT, I JUST HAVE A FACE FULL OF SALTY WATER
WHO SPIT ON ME
Wrath: “Hey Anger. What does this bowl and your pants have in common? They both have tiny noodles. Now get out of my face. I want to eat, then I’m going to eat. Go cry or something.”
Betel: “Gonna watch the mass caking? I’m not. I never do. I’m not paid to care.”
Happiness: “Neither am I, small world.”
Wrath: “Good, as long as your self esteem is destroyed, I can die happy.”
Wrath grew up in her bathing suit, and is now unlucky. Which might actually be a pretty lucky trait. Since she’s going to be instant heiress anyway, now I don’t have to worry about accidental deaths screwing anything up with her.
Wrath: “Hey what do vampire babies and goldfish have in common? They both die when I leave them to flop around on the sidewalk in the sun. It might happen, Loyalty. Because no one cares about your wishes.”
Betel: “Yep. This kid is screaming. Not sure why. Not going to do anything about it. Such is the life of a bone maid.”
At least get out of the way and let Happiness take her, Betel, you are so useless today.
Jealousy: “Hey Happiness. Everyone stopped caring, in case you haven’t noticed.”
Loyalty: “She does have a point, daddy.”
Happiness: “Look at the look on my face. Do you think I care either, really? Really.”
Marlena: “They have birthdays, they get to stay out of school for the day! But not you! Why are you still here?! Classes started an hour ago, and you are late! Go to time out, and don’t come out until you are sorry for playing hooky like this, Anger!”
Jealousy: “I sense someone trying to raise my children without my consent. About to beat a bitch down over here.”
Marlena: “Yeah well I’m the authority, and you are about to be grounded on top of that so go to the corner, chop chop!”
Jealousy: “You listen and you listen good, bitch! You do NOT raise your voice at my children, and you do NOT tell them how to behave, you hear me?! Anger is my kid, and I will punish him for cutting class when I’m good and damn ready to! Don’t you DARE even THINK about talking to my son that way, or I’ll make sure you take a nice long dirt nap! Don’t test me, Marlena. I killed a man before.”
Jealousy: “Oh, you REALLY want to test me?! You REALLY WANT TO DO THAT, MARLENA?! YOU, raise the children? That’s a fucking laugh, because the last time I checked I took care of my toddlers, instead of pissing all over their nursery rooms the majority of their lives! You are about to get your shit broke, and that’s not a joke. Try me again, Marlena. Go on. I will kill you.”
Anger: *sniff, cry* I miss my daddy and grandmommy…”
Jealousy: “Bitch better be grateful I’m such a cakeaholic. I wanna cut someone. And not just this cake.”
Anger: “Why does my life suck so much?”
Everyone: *Suddenly cares about birthdays again*
Charity: “Oh what is this shitake”
Peace’s birthday is technically a day early, but I can’t deal. I’m too anxious, and must know if he’s a clone or not. If he is, whatever, he’s the last child, like I said. We’ll just pick from what we’ve got and move on. I’m fine. But I must. KNOW.
All the women: *Nervous horn blowing*
Peace: *Sweats frantically*
Me: *Sweats frantically*
Anger: *Claps nervously*
Betel: *No shits*
But when I first saw Peace, I got angry. I had to get up and get away from my computer, because I was very sure that he was another fucking Marlena clone.
But to make 100% sure, I compared him to his father’s baby photo.
Peace has a lot of his mother’s looks but he has his father’s nose! IT’S A MIX
IT WAS ALMOST TWO IN THE MORNING WHEN THIS HAPPENED
DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITED I WAS ABOUT A PIXELATED CHARACTER’S NOSE?
I HAVE A PROBLEM
Anger: “Daddy why, I’m not ready to move on without a father figure in my life, I just got over grandmother 😦 and now this, why did you have to become a volunteer astronaut and get launched on a no-return mission to Mars?!”
Wrath: “A great man he was. Before he was sacrificed to the volcano gods of a tribe in the jungle where he was doing missionary work for, I remember he had sent me a letter, telling me how proud he was of me, and if he never returned, that I should take over as the man of the house for him, and murder my enemies in the name of my father.”
Edgardo finally died in his chamber under the house. Everyone is suddenly sad. Also, Brave had a birthday, and Charity had a birthday. Also, Charity revealed to the world that she is another clone of her mother. I have become extremely angry at my sims. For shit’s sake. Last generation all the kids had a mix of genes. This generation has seen only one genetic mix out of a herd of five kids. That’s FOUR clones.
That being said, I have thought about it, and I think I’m going to bar clones from heirship from now on except under extreme emergencies. How would everyone feel about that? Anyone got anything to say about that? Because I am furious.
Jealousy: “I will forever remember your loving embrace, Edgardo. My love. My first wonderful husband. Ok, enough grieving.” *Moodlet Manages her mourning to death*
Loyalty: “I think that that’s probably you just not wanting to go in the bathroom. Maybe that’s just me thinking out loud or something.”
No Marlena, that’s NOT THE PROPER WAY TO GRIEVE
I’M STARTING TO REALLY REGRET YOU
Ophaniel: “Who be you”
See, look. Jealousy’s already moving on.
Jealousy: “Welcome to my humble abode! We’re still adjusting to our loss, but I feel so much better now that you are here, Drew. I also feel better now that I evaporated all my bad moodlets out of my panel, but I’ll give you credit for making my day so much better.”
Drew: “I tend to bring that level of serenity where ever I go. I am an amazing man.”
Jealousy: “That you are.”
You’re still just FRIENDS with this man right now!
Jealousy: “I don’t have time to beat around the bush. If this man has a dollar on him, I got to weed it off of him before it’s too late.”
Drew: “God I’m so broke, honestly.”
Drew: “I don’t want to be your father. If I have to be your friend, sure. But yeah, don’t ever even think about me as a dad. Call me Drew.”
Anger: “This is bull.”
Yeah I’ll second this. She doesn’t do anything around the house anyway, so it’ll be nice to have one less kid in the house to have to care for at the moment.
Happiness: “Yes, I would love to enroll my daughter in your wonderful school, all while ignoring my youngest toddler passed out on the floor. She is literally growing up in that one spot on the floor, and I find that funny.”
Brave: “I’m so gracious to get to go to the prom with my favorite cousin, Anger! Oh this is going to be such a treat!”
Anger: “I knew I should have gotten lost on my way out of the bathroom and stayed to cry about my father tonight.”
Brave: “Oh just stop being a baby, this will be fun! Ignore the people laughing, I don’t know what their problem is.”
Anger: “I’M NOT CRYING BECAUSE THAT BITCH IS A BITCH. I JUST MISS MY FATHER.”
Betel: “I’m a proud independent dead woman who don’t need no chores!” *Stomps all over last weeks garbage*
ONE MORE BABY AND I SWEAR EVEN IF IT’S A CLONE, I’M DONE
WE’LL JUST HAVE A CLONE RUN GEN THREE AND I CAN GET OVER IT
Jealousy: “Mom, please leave.”
Happiness: “It’s so nice to finally have someone in this house who knows how to play second player. I tried with Marlena, I really did, but if she launches my robot into another pit, I was going to scream.”
Drew: “Yeah, I’m good at this game! Friendship!”
Happiness: “By the way, where are your pants?”
Drew: “It’s best you don’t know. I wouldn’t even ask if I were you.”
Happiness: “Because it’s not our deal, Marlena, now GET AWAY from the tv! I can’t see what I’m doing and I swear to Gordon Freeman if I’m standing in front of a turret…”
Drew: “Really where are my pants? I think that Anger boy might have stolen them from the bedroom floor and thrown them away, that little brat…”
Drew: “Yeah well you’re just a selfish old bitch now aren’t yo-”
Loyalty: “GWAAAAAAAAH EDGARDO IS DEAD NEW GUY, DID YOU KNOW EDGARDO IS DEAD, DID YOU KNOW, KNOW IT”
Happiness: “No, this is fine, GLadOS was saying my robot was doing the better job anyway.”
Drew: “Whoa lady, what the shit?”
Loyalty: “Ew just get married and get it over with already you two.”
Ophaniel probably: “But isn’t your dad still in the room? Ok maybe he’s not paying attention, nevermind.”
Loyalty: “EDGARDO WAS INNOCENT, HE WAS INNOCENT SOUL, AND NOW WE CAN’T FIND HIM”
Jealousy: “I’m also sorry her brat has been screaming in your ear about a trauma that doesn’t really involve her. Embarassing, I know, I do apologize.”
Aw come on, Anger. It might be fun. Might make you stop sucking so much. Go on the date, might be something interesting.
Anger: “And be humiliated when the school’s quarterback is just setting me up for a trap, no thanks, I’m not even going to bother.”
It’s a date or a night taking care of Charity and her crap.
Charity: “Diaper poopy! BOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!”
Anger: “Whew, dodged a bullet there.”
I think someone’s trying to cougar her way into a teenager’s pants. Of course I don’t have that modded in my system, so it looks like this date’s going to be stuck as a regular old “hang out”.
OH, I never noticed it until she thought of it in front of him, but holy shit. Poor Anger really does look like he’s wearing groucho glasses. I didn’t even intend for that to happen.
Felisha: “(No I got to stop staring at them, it’ll make him self conscious, I’m sure of it! Ask him about his day, ask him about his life or something, Felisha!) It’s a nose night out tonight, right (SHIT)”
Anger: “Uh, yeah I guess?”
Anger: “MY DAD IS GONE, AND MY MOM IS CRAZY, AND DREW IS A DICK, AND IT’S NOT A NICE NIGHT, AND MY LIFE IS A WRECK, AND I STILL MISS GRANDMOTHER SOOOOOOOOB”
Yeah, that’ll make this date much better.
Felisha: “Wow, I didn’t know you were even paying attention! You are so right, and I should get back into shape right away! Thanks for caring, Anger!”
Gary: “Are you kidding me, did that really work?”
Felisha: “Look Gary, I’m just taking him out because I heard he’s having a bad time about accepting that his missing father isn’t coming back. I’m just trying to show him a good time and help him out in his time of need, I’m not trying to “start some relationship” with my husband’s brother’s kid. It’s just a pity date, that’s all.”
Anger: “YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE THAT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, THAT STILL HURTS”
Happiness was somewhere nearby so that Anger could have his date without the psychic curfew police coming around screwing shit up, and after the date fell through, Happiness jumped in to help console the emotionally destroyed Anger.
Happiness: “We are family/ I take care of everyone like they’re my own babies~”
Anger: “We are family/ Marlena’s probably sitting in her own pee~”
Anger: “I’m more at peace now about the absence of my father. I suppose I’m about ready to accept it and move on. Maybe life isn’t that bad, even though I had I hang out with my dorky uncle who bit my date, who turned out to be my aunt. But yeah. I think life’s gonna be ok.”
Edgardo: “So, uh, it’s been a while. Haven’t heard anything up there in a few hours. Maybe a few days, I don’t know, I’ve lost all track of time down here. Starting to worry a little too. What if my wife failed to lead that vampire down here? What if he was on to us?! What if he killed my wife, or worse, what if he’s already gone and killed everyone?! Including my children? I don’t like not knowing! What could that bastard be doing to everyone up there?!”
Happiness: “What?! That’s not fair! Well, it’s totally fair, but I thought with my mind reading powers, I would have at least had an advantage!”
Mephistopheles: “Happiness, you can’t even burn in the sunlight correctly as a vampire, much less be any kind of useful with your other vampire powers.”
Ok so last chapter Jealousy tricked her husband Edgardo into being locked up in a vault in the backyard by telling him about a plot to murder Happiness. Edgardo happily fell for it, and is currently still in the backyard with the gravestones and garden, a very well placed area for the vault, quiet and undisturbed.
I like to think that Jealousy told the family that Edgardo finally hit it big with the band and went on a road trip, and the building in the backyard was just a pump house and a garden shed. Nothing important, nothing to worry about.
Anger: “It’s not me! I swear it’s the school system! Actually I know that, for a fact, it is literally the school system.”
And I hate that system. It takes 444 weeks to get on the honor roll, but one day of hooky to turn into a failing delinquent of society? Yeah, that completely sounds about right.
Jealousy: “YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER COMES HOME FROM WHATEVER OIL RIG HE’S WORKING ON RIGHT NOW”
Anger: “I thought it was with the band in Illin-”
Jealousy: “AND YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR A FORTNIGHT”
If your grandmother was here, she’d be pissing herself in her bedroom as usual. So get over it, dude.
Marlena: “We aren’t going to blame this puddle on me, are we?! We don’t even know if it’s me or not.”
It is you, Marlena. It’s always you.
Why the hell not.
Drew: “Hello, I’m Drew! I’m glad to meet you, Mrs. Fallen! I saw your ad in the paper advertising your deceased ex husband stuff for sale, but then I saw your picture next to it, and of all things you were selling, I had to see what you were about! Wait, no, that sounded better in my head. See, ha ha, I’m not “buying” you, if that’s what you think! No, hahaha! I don’t pay for that kind of stuff! Wait, I’m not saying I get it for free either. Oh, just… do you want to go to a restaurant or something now?”
Drew: “Yes, well, maybe”
Marlena had to inturrupt by aging up into the unchanging adult stage in the bathroom, right up next to the door where I have to take the walls down to see her, in the dark shade of the full moon, with a broken leg. Would you like to join Edgardo where he is, Marlena?
Happiness: “WOOOOOOOW! A full house tonight! This is wonderful! I know only one person is really watching me right now, and I think it’s out of pity, but I can do this! I can woo this whole audience, and finally get a good performance review! It’s been so long since I’ve had one!”
And that’s probably why he managed to get such a terrible review after all. Woe is me.
Because you were being a big baby about it, clogging up your way to the door, yelling constantly about it, trying to go to work or whatever. Honey. I hate to break it to you. But you aren’t going to work for a long, long time.
Jealousy: “Hey, after you paid for the whole evening, I hope we get to do this again soon as well.”
Happiness, still in denial about his midlife crisis, wanted to workout until he was fatigued, so I sent him back to the gym, where in hardly half an hour, he went from no skill points, stuck in a rut, to a nice instant level four.
Happiness: “Well I would suspect so, being that I should be compensated from the time when I didn’t skill up at all! Finally being a vampire is paying off! Mephistopheles can sit on it!”
Edgardo got a tub addition because he was smelling bad and wetting himself, and I know he’s being killed as we speak, but I would hate for him to have to die with stink lines around him. Give him SOME sort of decency at least.
Karrie: “Yo, Hannibal. You ain’t funny.”
And neither is Loyalty.
It’s actually a real shame to see how low Anger brought down his good grades.
Jealousy: “NO! This can’t be! I had everything under control as always, I’m always on top of my game when it came to my own self control! Bah, now I’m no better than these other imbeciles running around the house.”
Well, I see this wish isn’t getting done any time soon. I guess because he’s a vampire, he can’t ever get fatigued. Unless I’m glitching. Either way, Happiness wasn’t getting tired.
As rude as that kinda is, I agree with Jealousy. I get one more clone in this house, I am going to eat a cactus.
Jealousy: “Aaaannnnnnnd, it’s a Marlena clone. I bet this one is never going to be seen in photos ever again.”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME
TWO MARLENA CLONES
*ANGRILY FLIES OFF INTO SPACE, CRASH LANDS IN DEATH VALLEY TURNING ALL THE SAND INTO GLASS AND CRIES GROSSLY*
But in all seriousness, I did have to stop the game for a while and eat a snack out of anger.
Anger: “DON’T BE EATING THINGS OUT OF ME”
If you think this is bad, wait until you go home and see that your youngest child is another clone.
Happiness: “Sigh, when this day couldn’t get any worse.”
Loyalty: “Hah! That’s pretty good! You know some really funny jokes, Wrath!”
Wrath: “That wasn’t really a joke. You really are a lame ass. That vampirism isn’t going to save you.”
In the end, I had to delete that busted moodlet out of his panel, because it was giving him a bad mood, and his crisis wish to “be fatigued” definitely wasn’t going anywhere anyway.
Happiness: “But I wasn’t having a crisis! Never! Not for a long long time will I ever have one!”
Either way, your busted Not-Crisis is gone. Now how about you stop blubbering, and move on with your life already.
Edgardo: “I’d like to move on with my life. But I’m starting to think that I’m the only one left here. Maybe everyone in town is dead at this point. It’s like that episode of the Twilight Zone with the guy stuck in his bomb shelter while the town was trapped under a quarantine bubble. I am the last of my kind. Once I break out of here, I’m going to be like Will Smith in I Am Legend, aren’t I?”
No. It will be nothing like that.
Jealousy: “Bad news bears, son. I’m afraid your father is never coming home. I think the crabbing boat he was on in Alaska has sunk in a storm/Kajiu attack. He’s probably dead now, so I think we all need to carry on around here, and move towards the future. And the future starts with the insurance company.”
Anger: “Wait, dad’s not here?”
Happiness: *Has better things to do, like breaking the front door down*
Charity: *Apparently hasn’t moved since last night*
Brave: “While I know Charity exists in the corner grandpa, please. Go back to your grave. Stop checking up on us. We love you. Now go away already.”
Edgardo: “I just thought of something! What about my band? What about my life as a famous future hit composer?! Didn’t that matter to anyone?! Please! Someone tell me that was important to someone other than just me!”
Any second now…
Brave is now a pretty young
Happiness clone lady, with proper as her new trait, which may have effected her look, since she also picked out her own hair and clothing. Which I think is very cute on her, so I let her keep it. It’s rare when a sim picks their own decent hair and outfit.
Ophaniel: “Am I the only one who smells death around here? Yeah, it’s probably just my butt smelling, but seriously, something’s smells like it’s dying…”
RIP you poor baby.
If it was possible, I’m pretty sure Jealousy would have already done THAT ages ago.
Edgardo: “Please no! Death, I can’t die yet! I demand vengeance! I demand revenge on the one that has done this to me! I still must find that vampire, and kill him, for killing my family, and inevitably, killing me! Happiness must die!”
Edgardo: “Uh, no? Happiness had nothing to do with your death. This was Jealousy’s doing, you know.”
Death: “Nooo, I’m pretty sure she’s plotted this from the beginning. Dude, she’s been wanting you dead for ages now, in case you haven’t noticed.”
Edgardo: “What? I don’t understand, Death. How can this be?”
Death: “Dude, you’re valuable. That life insurance policy is valuable. I mean, it took longer for Jealousy to kill you off than I thought, but I expected for her to make it look like an accident. Never in a hundred years did I expect for her to make you completely dissappear. And right under her own house too. How crafty.”
Death: “You have plenty of time to mull over the obvious signs you missed while in your grave. Now come on, I haven’t got all day.”
Happiness: “No! Why do I suddenly have this heavy feeling in my heart all of a sudden? I know Edgardo has been in prison for so long, but suddenly I miss him, and for some reason know I will never see him again!”
Wrath: “No daddy! Please come back from your expedition in Antarctica! I feel a sudden departure of your soul, and honestly I think that you were kicked into an icy crevasse by Emperor Leonidas, played by a penguin Gerard Butler, and really, that’s just funny as shit.”
Anger: “I’m confused as hell.”
Loyalty: “I’m sorry? Yeah well can I bathe now? Please? This is awkward.”
I’m sorry? You talking to me?
I think it’s time you went back into your little void of nothingness, Death. I don’t like it when you guys try to break the fourth wall anyway.
Anyway, Jealousy ordered a little tombstone for her husband who was “MIA”, and set it outside the “garden shed” in his honor, so that when the family wanted to miss him, there was something still around to represent Edgardo’s presence in the family.
Also, we suddenly have our first gnome, balding Elvis. Hello.
Happiness: “Gyuuuug, brushing my teeth is too complicated. Keep biting my toothbrush in half with my vampire teeth. I’m going to skip brushing this morning and maybe Marlena won’t catch me and give me a lecture on tooth health. Again.”
Last chapter, Happiness got another daughter out of Marlena, and baby Charity got nothing in her nursery. Not that I didn’t care, or am tired of setting up their own rooms, which, believe me, I am but that’s not the point. The family went broke, and I don’t remember why. Charity is lucky there was a crib to recycle, because she almost had to sleep on the floor for a while, and I probably wouldn’t have cared.
Betel: “That’s not helping, you little shit. I am so glad you aren’t the one that wets the bed. I don’t feel like dragging out the mop.”
Ophaniel: “Mephie, get in here quick! One of the ghosts decided not to go back in their grave again! We need you in here to scare them off, please.”
Jealousy: “Stop lagging around and get to school. Education is first and you have the best grades in this house, making you the smartest of the kids around here. And trust me, you needed something to go right for you.”
Anger: “It would have been nice if you let me grab a Hot Pocket on the way out, but fine, I’m outie.”
Anger: “Oh, what is it?”
Anger: “But I thought I was doing right by going to school like you asked!”
I would love if scolding could be cancellable in the next patch or something.
Oh go cry about it somewhere else.
Jealousy: “I went to the school to drop off a couple of batches of my famous Russian Roulette Cookies (that means that one out of the hundred I dropped off has a lethal amount of Raid in it) and look. Happiness’ daughter is a bigger slack-off than my own children. At least they work while out of school.”
Last I checked, Anger was eating spoiled food out of the fridge, but if you think it’s better, then sure.
Jealousy: “When my husband’s life insurance policy kicks in, the first thing I’m getting is my own car.”
Happiness: “Meghan, every day I come to give you a sing-a-gram because you “had a good workout” or something. You are my biggest fan, and because I trust you so much, can you do me a favor… and let me drink your blood? I’m getting pretty hungry right now and if you don’t mind…”
Meghan: “Aw, I don’t mind at all! Go on ahead, and drink if you need to. Use my bad arm, it’s kinda locked in place anyway, so have at it.”
Happiness: “Meghan, it would be a lot easier on both of us if you didn’t jerk your arm out of my mouth!”
Meghan: “Hm, strange, that didn’t help. My arm is still locked into place. I was kinda hoping your bite would fix my problem. Maybe I’m thinking of bee stings, maybe that’s what’s supposed to help me, not vampire bites.”
Happiness: “Yeah, that wasn’t for your arm anyway, but thanks for the blood!”
Edgardo, Jealousy, and even Marlena: *doesn’t even notice, or care, probably just the latter part*
Loyalty: “I steal from the rich and give to the poor. Right now we are poor. I’m giving to my family. Ok, fine, I’m giving to me. I’m poor.”
Betel: “Damn I miss my body building days. I was one strong, tough bitch.”
Aldo: “Apparently your children are the only children you love. By the way, I’m going to need an eye patch now. Expect angry letters from my parents and my hospital bills in the mail.”
Oh Happiness. We spend six or seven chapters getting her to marry your ass, and now you want to be slutty. What would your mother say. Just because you are middle aged, doesn’t mean you need to be looking around at other options, you know better than that.
Happiness: “I’m NOT having a mid life crisis! We’ve been over this! I’ll never ever ever ever ever have one, maybe one day in six millenia, but NOT RIGHT NOW! And also, I do love my wife! Marlena is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me in the history of anything involving love! But lately, it’s just… I don’t really want her to return my effections right now. She just… always smells like pee.”
Sitting in a rocking chair for a week straight will do that to an idiot.
Happiness: “It’s just a harmless little flirt, just a little fan service for a fan maybe, just something, to know that someone out there still thinks I’m young, handsome, I’m NOT going through a crisis, NO!”
Just go pillow fight with Jaime and shut up.
Jaime: “You are definetely NOT one to talk, Happiness.”
Happiness: “I let my pillow do the talking, take THAT, buddy!”
Jaime: “My pillow shall defeat yours in the throws of combat, Happiness!”
Happiness: “A-ha! We will see about that!”
Jaime: “Still thinking about what?”
Jaime: “Wow, that was really nice of you to say, Happiness. Real nice. Even Fancy didn’t say that to me before.”
Happiness: “Well, yeah, she was crazy. Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say to you, that’s all! *Proceeds to fill wish queue up with wishes like “See Brave make an A in school” and “See Loyalty make an A in school” and other long-term wishes to clog up the queue, I can’t even make that up*”
Jaime: “Well at least he appreciates me. That’s more than what your mother ever did for me.”
Happiness: “Oh well I better go to bed. My bed! Back at my house! I have a wife! I’M NOT GOING THROUGH A CRISIS I SWEAR”
Happiness: “PLEASE don’t call and tell my wife! It was a moment of weakness, I couldn’t stop it! Your dad is a really nice man, and a nice father, and your mother is a beautiful woman and my wife is still the love of my life, please keep this between us and it will never happen again!”
Happiness: “I’ll do anything, please! Keep this flirt between you, me, and your father!”
Karrie: “I’ll think about it… if you give me a makeover that keeps me from looking like a drowned rat.”
Karrie: “I guess I could let this slide. Now leave.”
Back at the house, I realized something. I absolutely adore Edgardo more than I should. He doesn’t do much, and he can kinda suck, but he’s been an absolute doll to have around the house. I know Jealousy’s LTW requires him to die, but I don’t really want him to go.
But according to his life bar, he’s only got a week or so before his elder birthday, and I’d hate to have his looks just go to waste in the void of elderhood…
Betel: “Already ten steps ahead of you. Setting in three weeks of potpourri in the bin as we speak.”
Jealousy: “Edgardo, this is hard for me to say, but we have a major problem. I love my family, I love them with all my heart, but my cousin that lives with us… he, oh *Sniff* I noticed lately that he’s been acting differently, and Edgardo! My cousin is now a vampire!”
Edgardo: “Oh no! For reals?!”
Jealousy: “Yes! (You blind moron.) He is a monster of the night!”
Edgardo: “Well that’s fine I suppose. If he’s just feeding off of her. Drain all that energy out of her, keep her from following me around, making weird comments about my butt… maybe it’s a good thing after all?”
Jealousy: “Ah, well, no! I know he’s probably come off as a vampire that will just feast off that Marlena thing, but she won’t last forever! Then after Marlena, who will he come after?! Our children, possibly! Maybe even me! Your beautiful little wife, in danger of being ravished by a bloodthirsty vampire! We can’t have that, Edgardo! We must band together, and come up with a plot, to take my cousin out. I don’t want to! I love my dear mother’s sister’s son… thing. But for the sake of family, will you help me “humanly euthanize” Happiness?”
Jealousy: “That’s just great! Thank you so much, Edgardo, because I already started on a plan last night! Follow me!”
Edgardo: “Thanks for inviting me to jump on the trampoline with you Jealou-oh, what’s this? Oh THAT’S right, the plan for killing Happiness! Is this… it? The… thing… for the plan?”
Jealousy: “Yes, I slaved all night to build this thing (no thanks to you). Now please. Follow me inside, will you?”
Jealousy: “I designed it so NOTHING could ever escape from here. My handiwork is no joke, love.”
Jealousy: “Here’s the plan. I’m going to sacrifice myself as the scapegoat target for Happiness. A dangerous role in this, I know, but I must. For the sake of our family. I will lure him down here, having him think he will have me alone for a feast. You will hide down here until I come back with him, and get him on this altar. When I give the signal, you jump out and stab him in the heart with a steak.”
Edgardo: “Sounds like a fantastic plan! It’s the perfect crime! And best part, we get a neat little basement out of this! We can later use this for a wine cellar, or even a game basement, that would be cool!”
Jealousy: “Yeah sure whatever, now, here’s the thing, I’m going to seal this basement off until I return, you know, to keep the kids and that idiot Marlena from getting curious and wondering down here, getting in the way. No matter what you do, no matter how long it takes, don’t call for anyone. Don’t let anyone know that it’s you down here. No one comes to this portion of the backyard, but just to be safe, you can’t make any sound while you’re hidden here.”
Jealousy: “This is the greatest thing we have ever done for our children, you know that? This sacrifice… I and our children will benefit from this for years. You know, with Happiness no longer stalking us and stuff. Your daughter will praise her brave father for years to come.”
Jealousy: “And your son! Oh, your son has an amazing father to look up to. His role model and hero! He will sing this song of victory to our grandchildren and pass down the legend of his father, the Vampire Slayer, for many generations.”
Edgardo: “Our children are fantastic, and I’m so happy to make them so proud of me! I’m so eager to murder this animal, let’s do this!”
Edgardo: “Why do you always ask me this?! Every damn day, Jealousy! It’s by the bed, in the bedside stand dresser! It’s always there! I don’t have to remind you so many times!”
Jealousy: “I was just making sure, damn!”
And so, Jealousy went back up to the yard, and left Edgardo down below to wait. And the second she left, he took out his guitar, and started playing the saddest music that he could possibly know, OH GOD WHY DOES HE HAVE TO DIE
Jealousy: “I told that idiot not to make so much noise. Ugh, oh well, it’s not like anyone comes out to this corner of the yard ever, it’s just the graveyard and the garden. No one will ever hear him.”
And then she sealed off the door…
I don’t want to admit to how much time I have on my hands these days. But let’s just say I’m still in dire need of a solid job. That being said, I have plenty of time between resumes and my dying confidence to play sims. It’s just been the perfect month for the Fallens.
Of course everyone saw this coming. That’s what happens when Jaime has a temper tantrum and cuts all of Fancy’s hair off in her sleep in a fit of rage. No wonder divorce is imminent with these two. Such a shame really.
Happiness: “Does it entice you, my love?”
Marlena: “Well, I suppose, but the dog really needs his meds right now…”
Marlena: “I can only imagine that you’ll still cry sensitively about it afterwards, but it’s been a while since we had a moment to ourselves.”
Brave: “Mom, the cat’s trying to stomp through my ribcage again! Help!”
Brave: *Sob* “I bet if I was a vampire, you’d like me and leave me alone!”
Eunice: “Happiness, help”
Happiness: “Mephistopheles, have you been playing Gravedigger in the house again?”
Eunice: “Why would you take me out of the floorboards while I look like this?! I look stupid! I am not happy.”
Happiness: “So… your husband’s cool? I don’t need him popping out from behind a tree and shooting at me because I’m singing a diddy to you.”
Meghan: “Oh, you don’t have to worry about my husband bothering you ever again. After the things I did to him last night, he won’t be saying a word about who I interact with anymore.
I’m talking about wild kinky sex. He won’t bother anyone anymore after our sex last night.”
Happiness: “So, this is a celebratory sing-a-gram today?”
Then how about getting out of the rocking chair and going to use the toilet, you dolt.
YOU DIDN’T EVEN TRY!
Oh yes, go ahead and sit RIGHT BACK DOWN in the rocker with your wet smelly butt. That helps.
What do you mean, she was working fine a second ago! She was sitting right here, at the unrendered play set with Loyalty, playing just fine! Now I think you just want to go around resetting any sim you want, game.
Betel’s probably due for another restart actually. I haven’t seen her in two game sessions.
Marlena: “Wow, so beautiful…”
Edgardo: “I’m oddly uncomfortable about this…”
I got to admit, she’s got some balls to face off against Marlena with that. Marlena can be a bit of a crazy bitch…
Marlena: “I think that grumpy little attitude of yours needs a major time out! I will NOT have my daughter acting like some sort of hooligan and telling me to “talk to the hand” when I say it’s time to go to bed! Start shaping up and go think about what you’ve been doing lately around the house, which is nothing productive!”
(Says the woman who would rather sit in her own piss than walk across a hallway)
Jealousy, calm down. It’s just a plant.
Jealousy: “I KNEW I SHOULDN’T HAVE PUT IT IN THIS POT, I SHOULD HAVE PLANTED IT ON MY MOTHER’S GRAVE. OH WHAT A WASTE THIS IS!”
Marlena: “AAH, Eunice! You scared the living daylights out of me, don’t do that! I’m making sure my baby is going in the correct crib, while, well, you know… watching Edgardo do it for me. Edgardo and his fabulous little tushie.”
Eunice: *GASP* “THINKING ABOUT A MARRIED MAN, I’M TELLING YOUR HUSBAND, THEN I’M TELLING HIS WIFE, AND HIS WIFE IS GOING TO PUT A TRAIN SPIKE THROUGH YOUR wow he does have a nice ass, you weren’t kidding.”
Happiness: “What? I got the wrong baby?! Oh Fuddruckers, I do, I thought I was taking Loyalty out instead! My bad.”
Wrath: “Do you hear me complaining? Now mush, Shadowfax, and show us the meaning of toothpaste!”
Marlena: “I think it was. I just want what’s best for my children, and nothing like going through the first 183 pages of the dictionary every night for a proper education.”
Brave: “Yeah, it’ll put you to sleep, and trust me, if we had the option to ask for stories again, I don’t think I would be asking for this.”
Marlena: “Now you see what happens when you get sassy with me young lady?”
Brave: “Yes mother…”
Happiness: “Wow, this is such a beautiful little neighborhood, Jaime! Everything here is so clear and crisp and beautiful! If I could move my family, I would move them here, because this is so nice *Sparkle sparkle happy*”
Jaime: *Grumbles horrible cuss words under his breath and smokes death everywhere*
Happiness wanted to pillow fight with his BFF5EVA, but whenever he goes looking for Jaime, Jaime’s gotta work, or isn’t in the mood, yeah Jaime, taking your kid to work at 9 in the morning, sure. I know the break up with Fancy is pretty damn sad, but stop blowing off Happiness so much.
Jealousy: “The fact that he’s even still alive is frustrating me enough as it is.”
Old guy: “Wow, a little quick on the draw, aren’t you honey?”
Old guy: *Had already tried to go in for the titty* “Aw come on, baby! Don’t be like that!”
Loyalty: “The hell? The hell!”
Eunice: “Oh shut up, you little parrot.”
Eunice: “Like you would even know what that is, kid. I sure hope I’m not the only one home today.”
Edgardo: “Huh? What are you talking about? Eunice is the oldest in the family right now, so unless she was gonna live forever, then logically she’s next! So take her! I know I’m much older than the others, but I’m not THIS old!”
Eunice: *Smacks Edgardo’s organs around on her way out*
RIP Eunice. You lived the longest out of the founding generation, and just got a promotion for the first time in a hundred years. Jealousy will probably grow lettuce on you in the yard.
Brave: “Mmmm, the bed is still warm…”
Yeah, and it’s also getting deleted right now, so move.
Van: “Did you know that it’s fun to randomly show up at other peoples houses after school and not even know anyone there?! You should try it, Kid That’s Not Even In My Class!”
Jealousy: “The loss of my mother has hit me hard. While she was a nonfunctioning dumbass with a fetish for the trampoline in her youth, she was my mother, and I will honor her by fucking up my own outfit in her name.”
I don’t even know how
Van: “Release the neurotoxin! I MEAN WAIT, DON’T”
I sure hope it was worth it.
I wonder if she will starve to death in that damn chair. I sure hope so. I hope so so bad.
Marlena: “I wonder if I wish really really hard, if this chair will conjure me up a sandwich.”
Oh please just starve there.
Happiness: “That’s your fault, sweetie. There are two other bathrooms that were just finished hardly an hour ago, you could have gone to either of those instead.”
She is pretty cute, and the best part was, while I was giving her a makeover, I peaked into her personality, and she is evil! This is excites me so much, I haven’t seen an evil sim in this town in AGES! Every flipping person around this town is good, and there hasn’t been a single one that is evil at all! This is the greatest thing to happen to me in game in a long time.
Jada: “You bet your ass I am.”
I think Jada was that popular girl from high school that every school has.
Jada: “You cannot put a ring on this perfection”
Hah, we’ll see about that…
That’s IT, this is YOUR fault, Marlena! I have to delete that chair now just so you will be a functioning person again, AND I LOVED THAT CHAIR. UGH.
WAY TO RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE.
Oh goodie, you can come over and cry the whole time about your dead cougar. Thanks, Kindness.
Envy: “Mmm, I see what my sister is talking about…”
Edgardo: “Why me”
Jerald: “Why would you even invite this grape?!”
I DON’T WHAT TO HEAR IT FROM YOU, MARLENA, EDGARDO IS STUCK IN THE WALL, YOU’RE JUST A STUPID BITCH
Jealousy: “Yep, that’s right, grow up to continue to disappoint me, that’s cool.”
Everyone else at the party: *Literally not giving a shit*
Jealousy: *Joins them*
Wrath: “What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.”
Maybe she will. Maybe it’s a bad idea.
Happiness: “I’m about to destroy this pie. So. Hard.”
Jerald: “WHAT ABOUT MY PIE?! WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY PIE?! WHY WON’T ANYONE EVER EAT MY FAIRY PIE?!”
Anger: “Anyone got a dollar to bum? No? Uh, I’ll just go back to my little corner then…”
I think he’s a mooch now. Maybe he’ll make rich friends and get us a lot of money. I doubt it though.
Jaime: “I guess you can say that joke… killed.”
Wrath: “THIS FUCKING SINK DOESN’T RECOGNIZE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR IF IT BIT IT ON THE-ooooh, I see what you did, you’re funny, Jaime. I’ll have to remember that one the next time I have a conversation with the bathtub.”
Jaime: “Oh that’s ok, I’m only in here to use your sink, since your horrid joke telling second cousin broke the kitchen sink with her terrible humor. I only have one plate though.”
Happiness: “…Yeah, you’re going to have to wait to use our sink too.”
Ophaniel: “Why am I even in here?”
Jaime: “Jeez, what a hideous mustache on that kid. Do you think if I held him down, you’d be able to shave that ugly catepiller off his lip? It’ll probably save his social life down the road if we do so.”
Happiness: “That’s actually not a half bad idea.”
Anger: “I suddenly feel like I’m hunted by unfamiliar vampires…”
Ophaniel: “No seriously guys, I don’t know why I’m in here! And now I can’t get back out! Why is life so confusing as a dog?”
Happiness: “Heeeeeeey Eagle! I was just thinking about you, despite the fact that we’ve never really met, and for some reason, you’re human again! I was just wondering, how does someone with terrible facial hair like you go about life the way you do! I mean, you are the expert on terrible mustaches, I’d like to know because my cousin Anger looks horrible… hello?”
By the way, for the record, while Egret has had three kids so far with her first husband and just recently lost her second husband to death, Eagle has yet to do jack shit with his life. It’s probably the facial hair.
Marlena: “La dee Da, on my way to put Loyalty to bed, heading towards the correct crib for the first time in my life…”
Happiness: “OH NO, MY WIFE LET’S GO TO THE HOSPITAL, WE GOTTA, oh Loyalty, you’re bleeding. That’s not good.”
We welcome the third daughter to Happiness and Marlena, this one is named Charity, and hopefully she will be gracious enough to give me the genetic diversity I so crave. She is a couch potato who loves the outdoors and loves classical music, stu surprise, and green. Sort of like her older sister, who likes irish green, but it’s a shade darker, which makes a WHOLE WORLD OF DIFFERENCE LET ME TELL YOU
Will she be a mix? Or will she be another clone and break my heart? Only next chapter will tell…
Last but not least, Egret who has recently lost the second husband as recently stated (whom was Marlena’s father btw) she has moved on to her third, and I’m starting to think she has a thing for older men.
Then again, these men might have a weird fascination with Death. Whatever, I don’t judge.
Oh snap, son! You guys missed it! There was a really bad storm, and suddenly a river hurricane blew the house away! Yes, river hurricanes are a real thing! Good thing everyone in the family survived. They lagged out so hard and so long that they managed to wait out the storm right in the very spot they were standing in! Good thing that happened! Hallelujah for glitches!
But in all seriousness, I found the current layout wasn’t working with the additions of the new children, so the old house was destroyed and a new one was done for the family.
Across from the front door, is the kitchen and dining area, which is still really under construction, but I think Betel’s happy with the current furnishings. Seems really chipper over there about the counter space.
There are two back doors, one leading to a patio with the trampoline, and Ophaniel’s toy ball. Out the other back door, is where everyone is buried, and it’s also where Jealousy has a couple of plants growing for a couple of her wishes for such.
I COULD CHEW THROUGH A PHONEBOOK, THIS FRUSTRATES ME MORE THAN IT SHOULD
Eunice has a small little room in front of the second floor balcony, which she has access to, and also, for some reason, locking doors doesn’t work on the second floor? Why? If I lock it just for Eunice, for example, it bars everyone from entering. What a pain in the dick. So much for keeping moochers out of grandma’s rocking chair.
Edgardo: “Like I give a rat’s ass.”
Next door is Anger’s bedroom, seen with no one in it. And maybe it’s for the best. This way my brain doesn’t explode from the pressure of being so heated over a simple pet peeve of sims using the wrong beds and cribs for everything.
Halfway through the tour, however, I realized that I was so concerned with making sure everyone had their own little bedroom and an easy pathway to navigate to it, I had forgotten the most important feature any good house should have.
I FORGOT ALL THE BATHROOMS
I had left little areas for them and such, enough for at least 3 and a half, but I forgot doors, toilets, and tubs. This tub is the only one I saved from the old house, but no one can use it, because all that’s in the budget is $11, and I can’t even get a door.
Maybe the family won’t be too pissed to have to travel all the way to the gym in town or somewhere to use a toilet for the next day or so.
Scott: “Oooooh YEAH! Lookit’ dis little filly bend it like a wet dream! I vote for her, I VOTE FOR HER!”
Happiness: “Hello, local pop sensation and musical star Happiness here! I was wondering if you would let me perform for your event, as I am very popular and skilled! Trust me, I’m better than Mrs. Slinkie Spine here, whom according to her attire, is currently on a lunchbreak from her accounting job.”
Lief: “Why, I’ve never had someone come up to me and claim to have so much talent and fame! I would love for you to join us this morning, Mr. Fallen, sir!”
Lief: “Let’s give it up for Bend It Like Bootycall! Wow, what a talent, she is. Next up, we have local music legend, Happiness, performing such hits for us this evening, such as Ice Ice Baby, and the Wop song, all with just his vocal talents and half a crushed harmonica!”
Happiness: “Ah yes, the roar of the crowd, the flying water bottles smacking me in the face, it’s been so long since I had viewers!”
Leif: “Yeah, that’s pretty damn scary when you think about it…”
Happiness: “So um… since I no longer have any competition for this, does this mean I automatically win the event?”
Leif: “Well, no. With no competition, there’s no contest, therefore you are just forced to forfeit an event that didn’t really happen, I suppose.”
Happiness: “Well, shitake mushrooms!”
Happiness: “Actually I am stuck.”
Brave: “I’ll be honest, I’m happy to at least be in the right crib this time, daddy.”
Why is it every time I have to deal with you, Marlena, you are screwing up on me?
I don’t like this woman.
Edgardo: “Oh no, I still work at the theater! Why do you ask?”
Because that oddly does not look like where you should be working, Edgardo. But you know. Whatever.
*Crashes hard into trashcan*
Loyalty: “Hey, daddy, this isn’t MARIO KART” *Flies out of seat and into the street*
Poor Jealousy’s birthday happened in the front yard, and now she’s an adult, she’s probably going to have a midlife crisis, which if it “doesn’t happen” for a few thousand millennia, I’m still gonna be up in arms about it.
Mephistopheles: “Yeah, you can hardly tell that you slid two 11.9 pound babies out of that slip-n-slide! Good job on maintaining that youth!”
Jealousy: “Yeah, well, I can already feel my face sagging into little wrinkles and I just don’t have the energy to do as much torment in the world as I used to, UGH, GETTING OLD SUCKS, I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING WITH MY LIFE” *Mid life crisises all over the front yard*
Betel has been annoying me recently. When the children cry, she’s the first one to greet them. However, she does not help them with what they need, she doesn’t even come to complain about them crying. She just… stands.
Betel: “Stop. Stop time ok, stop. Yeah, just quiet yourself or something. You know.”
Loyalty: “YOU REALLY ARE NOT HELPING ME”
Jealousy: “I’m going to stick this in my mother’s hair for giving this to my child in the first place! She trying to kill my babies?!”
Jealousy: “I’m using your corpse for fertilizer, and growing mushrooms on your grave! You make an excellent fertilizer, you know that? Absolutely perfect for fungus!”
Liam: “I, uh, well at, um, at least I’m helping, I suppose…”
Jealousy: “Yeah, take that job and shove it, I come up with a better solution for the dead! They make great garden material! I’ve been growing crops and produce off the cadavers of my dead relatives for the past week, and it’s been going great! So I’m going to be doing that from now on! Hello?”
Betel: “Just here because it was crying again. Just here. That’s all.”
Edgardo: “Hm, someone should do something about the baby.”
Eunice: “I know, maybe it could be her good-for-nothing father!”
Edgardo: “Hm, nah.”
She does look a lot like her mother right now, but she actually has her father’s eyes and mouth. Which makes me happy, because if I got another clone, I was going to scream. Actually I did scream. Then I ran into the kitchen for a comfort snack. I came back and checked this kid again, and felt like a doofus, but I was a doofus with a piece of cake, I can tell you that.
Jealousy: “That’s just fan-fucking-tastic.”
Jealousy: “Whooooa, where the hell did you come from, you’ve been missing for days”
Please leave the chair.
Anger: “Um… time for what??”
Amon: “Do you think we are ever going to see our families again?”
Unnamed IF Number 3: “Er, let’s just say we’re not going to have a happy Toy Story ending.”
Speaking of, what the hell is Brave playing with here? Never have I seen the albino Sully toy before. That’s cute as hell.
Jealousy: “Can you say ‘shallow grave’? Say ‘Daddy’s shallow grave’ for mommy! What do you think daddy’s grave’s going to have in it? Daddy! And possibly some vegetable seeds!”
Ophaniel: “Dude, it’s just a fly. It’s not going to hurt you.”
Mephistopheles: “BUT I want it dead…”
I’m starting to think Anger hides in the walls, and only comes out to get mad at the babies when they are upset. He’s like a little wall gremlin.
Jealousy: “Yay, baby’s first sentence! I am just the best mother ever.”
Meghan: “Thanks so much, Happiness. I know it almost didn’t get done, but I didn’t know if you came all the way out here or not.”
Happiness: “AHH, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING, CALL HIM OFF, MEGHAN”
Meghan: “I’m going to need a shovel, my foot’s stuck in the dirt here again :\”
Old Guy: “Now that’s gangsta.”
Well you better start working on those skills if you want to make it, Happiness.
Happiness: “At least I’m still cool. Nope, no crisis here. I’m good.”
Loyalty: “At least you care, Wrath.”
Wrath: “You kidding?! Me care, I don’t even want to be in this room right now.”
I’M GOING TO FLIP THIS TABLE
She’s a clone of Happiness.
AND DID YOU KNOW THAT FOUR IN FIVE SIM CHILDREN BORN WILL BE BORN CLONES OF THEIR PARENTS?
BUT WITH A SMALL DONATION OF $19.99 A MONTH, YOU CAN HELP THESE CHILDREN OF UNFORTUNATE CONDITIONS
JUST DIAL 1-800-I-COULD-CHOKE-A-DOLPHIN-IN-MY-RAGE
Eunice: “UGH, I’m going to kill that bastard.”
Since last chapter, Eunice is still going around naked, which isn’t a pleasant sight to anyone. I tried to avoid her for most of my photo taking opportunities, since no one wants to see old woman nipples.
Happiness: “Since that delicious dish of stu surprise Jealousy made for us last night, I’ve been wanting to learn how to make it too! I’ve been up all night trying to get this plate done, what do you think, Betel?”
Betel: “I think if you make another mess in the kitchen, I’m going to lay down in the floor in front of you and mess up your path on purpose.”
Happiness: “Aw, don’t be that way.”
Jealousy: “Nothing like cookies, cobbler with watermelon, sushi rolls, and then cookies again back to back. Thank my great metabolism, because these cravings would kill me otherwise.”
Eunice: *Butt cheeks flapping in the air vent current*
Adriana: “As long as this isn’t tacked onto my sing-a-gram bill, congradulations! Woot!”
Happiness: “I… I can’t believe it! I’m already halfway through my life, and I haven’t even accomplished stardom yet! How can I make my family proud if I’m just some aging hipster musician?! No, I can’t let this happen!”
And so Happiness started a mid life crisis, which is just absolutely fantastic. Maybe it will be super mild like Evalin’s was?
Adriana: “On second thought, just mail me the bill for the sing-a-gram, and uh, forget about the sing-a-gram. I’ll pass on this.”
Nascar: “I, uh, I don’t think this is what I called in for. Ya sure don’t look like ur profile in the paper, Mr. Fallen.”
Nascar: “I’ll say, because since when do people look at ME and want to become a vampire? What do I look like to yew people?!”
Fancy, dear. Fancy.
Best part after Edgardo denied a date with her, she instantly gave birth to a baby with Jaime (Cortney? That’s what you’re gonna name your son, Fancy? You must have hit your head falling out of a truck lately) What, was Fancy calling Edgardo from the birthing table or something?
Fancy: “I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME, AND IT’S NOT YOU JAIME, YOU DID THIS TO ME, GRAAAUUUUUGH”
Jaime: “Sorry it took me so long to meet up with you, Happiness. My girlfriend was having a baby but she started yelling at me and throwing things at me, and calling other men up to piss me off during labor, so I just left. What’chu been up to, man? I haven’t seen you in ages.”
Happiness: “Dude, I need you to make me into a vampire! I need to hold on to the last remaining days of my youth, and I just don’t want to turn into my parents! You know, dead, and constantly up in our business at all hours of the night! Please, help me, Jaime!”
Jaime: “Dude, I don’t know. Being a vampire is a pretty big deal you know.”
Jaime: “You probably shouldn’t be a vampire, heck, there’s not a whole lot we can do, we can’t do a lot of daytime stuff, and blood does get old after a while, and aren’t you some hot-shot legacy sim? If you die out in the sun, it’s the end of your line, right? Do you really want to make that kind of commitment?”
Happiness: “Yeah yeah yeah, just bite me right here on the arm, I don’t mind, I can handle this, I swear!”
Happiness: “Woo, you’re the best, man!”
Jaime: “Now, you still have a little bit of time to reconsider before this effect takes place. Please do me a favor, and think this over. Talk to your family about what this is going to do to you, and please take the time to prep yourself on this lifestyle, because it’s going to effect your life drastically, just like it effected me…”
Jaime: “Aw, I should have known it was pointless to talk to you about this.”
Happiness: “Yaaaaay, now I’m forever cool.”
Wow, I never knew vampirism could actually take away some of a sim’s sex appeal…
Who would guess pregnancy makes you less interesting, Jealousy.
Marlena: “What?! Oh no, Happiness! Why would you do this to yourself?! I expect this kind of behavior from your idiotic cousin, but not you! Vampires are devils, Happiness, and of all people, you bring this black magic into our house?! Ophaniel, help!”
Marlena: “But what about my new pregnancy, why would you do this to our new baby and our little Brave?”
Happiness: “Look into my eyes, and know, I am good Batman vampire!”
Marlena: “Oh, what, um…. ok, if you say so dear.”
Anger: “YOU DUMB SHIT, MAMA TAUGHT ME TO TALK DAYS AGO, YOU CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT I’M SAYING, AND I’M SAYING I’M HUNGRY! FEED ME!”
Edgardo: “Maybe if I concentrate hard enough, I can decipher exactly what you are trying to say? Need a nap??”
Jealousy: “This is alright, because Edgardo will be gone soon enough. I hope.”
Anger: “Yo, stupid. This isn’t my crib. Do you have any idea where you are supposed to put me, woman?!”
Eunice: “Are you kidding, kid? I don’t even have any idea where I’M at right now.”
Mephistopheles: “I since a dark power coming from this one. This is almost as nice as the dark power coming from the other part of the family, but with less games of Kick the Cat.”
Mephistopheles: “I get it now! You’re a vampire! Well bite my willy and call me an incubus, I was wondering where the black magic was coming from! You bad boy, and here I thought it was going to be Jealousy that brings in the black magic.”
Happiness: “Why does everyone say that?! I’m like Batman! I have a great power and I also have great responsibility with it! That’s from Batman, right?”
Ophaniel: “You sure he’s a vampire? Darn, and this whole time I was thinking mermaid, and I’ve been looking for a tail. Wow, I wasted my whole morning on this…”
Happiness: “Nope, just invited you over to make stu surprise, but I think this looks a lot like waffle batter. What do you think?”
Jaime: “Are you kidding? And all this time I’ve been worrying about you dying from this shit? You are giving me a headache, Happiness.”
Now, where is Brave?
Brave: “That’s the question I would like to ask my family as well!”
That’s great, Jaime. Because no one was panicking. Hell, Happiness is still cooking.
Meghan: “I have bad news too! My husband that I just wed is now dead! Oh Christoff! We finally found happiness with each other and then you had to leave me! Oh my dear Christoff, why?!”
Betel: “You are going to be like this the whole party, aren’t you.”
Happiness: “What, me?! No! Never! I’m a vampire now, I’m young forever, and I would NEVER have a crisis! Nope, not me! Not in a million years! 5 million years to be exact!”
Happiness: “It’s not going to go away because there is no problem! Not with me anyway, my life is great! No crisis here! Yep, totally me!”
Jaime: “Dude, just let the lady kill that moodlet. I’d like to leave this room sometime soon, you know.”
The moodlet didn’t go away, and the party locked up, but time kept going.
Jealousy: “Good job dumbass, your crisis bullshit probably killed this party.”
Happiness: “What are you yelling at me about?! This party isn’t dying, and neither am I! Because I don’t have a crisis! For gumdrops sake, Jealousy! Besides, my daughter is fine with that! She’s going to be happy to have such a young and youthful looking father! Yep, that she is!”
Brave: *Frozen due to laggy lag*
Envy: “Isn’t it fantasic! Marriage is wonderful, I recently got engaged too, to someone who is better than my last relationship and isn’t a “prick dick” either! I love her! And best part is, I didn’t pick an old person, so me and my wife will be around for much longer than yours! I make the best decisions!”
Betel: “See, I told you you are going to be like this the whole party.”
Well that’s appealing.
Jealousy, if you are trying to smother him with the pillow, you aren’t doing it right.
Jealousy: “Smother? That’s what weak, bitch wives do to get rid of husbands! I’m trying to break his neck!”
Edgardo: “Why you do thing???”
Jealousy: “His neck proved to be beefier than first expected. Ah well, back to the drawing board. Here Anger, I want you and your cousin to fight to the death for my amusement. Winner gets a Warhead.”
Brave: *Apparently in the same spot she was left in*
Anger: “I DON’T WANT TO SEE THIS MOTHER, THAT’S SO GROSS!”
Brave: *Still nothing*
Edgardo: *Unmanly crying*
Eunice: “GET YOUR SICK ECTOPLASMIC HANDS OFF MY ASS, YOU STUPID GHOST BITCH”
Happiness: “NOT RIGHT NOW, MOM! WE FIGHTING A FIRE RIGHT NOW, CAN’T YOU SEE THAT?!”
Evalin: “So this is what I left back on Earth. Good to know I’m not missing anything.”
I think I know who really started the fire here.
Edgardo: “Dammit, that was today?!”
Baby Wrath joins the family, and she is an insane virtuoso, which means she’ll probably go around singing shit songs at inappropriate times. Her favorites include autumn salad and latin (and now I think the Chacarron Macarron is going to be her favorite song to sing at those inappropriate times) and her favorite color is yellow, just like daddy.
Meghan: “How’s THIS for a lasting marriage, Envy?!”
Georgina: “I now have a nacking to eat small lost children.”
Envy: “And this is why I love you.”
Meghan: “Eh, I guess so. It’s just not the same with you looking like…”
Happiness: “Hot? Hip and hot, that’s what you are about to say, right?”
Meghan: “Eh, I don’t know, I got a hot young husband now, so I guess you just don’t do it for me anymore Happiness…”
Because Happiness’ career and life revolve him being out in the daylight, I can’t afford to lose him to some stupid sunlight, considering how afraid I am that he will get stuck somewhere and bake to death thanks to some freezing glitch. So I gave him the Immortal reward, and now, uh, he sparkles.
Happiness: “Now I really WILL be a hit with the ladies! I’m the best kind of vampire there is now! Right!? RIGHT?!”
Meghan: “And I thought my husband was the town fairy…”
Jealousy: “Let’s go you little mini me. Time for some cake! And aging too, sure whatever.”
Anger: “I hate every damn person in this house. Except for the pets. No matter how evil I am, pets don’t deserve ill will towards them.”
Edgardo: “UUUUgh, that was corny as shit.”
Anger: “Did I mention I hate every damn person in this house?”
Now that there is a child in the house again, I suddenly remember that some of my mods are out of the game for patch reasons, so I tried to improvise until I reinstalled the bedtime story mod, and hid all the books in the house in the family inventory. At least it was a shot.
Anger: “Got some Fahrenheit 451 shit going on here, huh? We’ll see about that.”
Imp: “Don’t… feed me… to the cat…”
Anger: “Can I please now own my own bed, mother?”
Anger: “But I’m still getting my own bed? Right? Humph, I better.”
Marlena: “MY HUSBAND IS A BIG POO POO PANTS, UUUGH”
Yeah, I’m sure.
No, apparently she’s a vampire like her father.
Marlena: “How, I was pregnant before my husband went off the deep end and became stupid!”
I don’t know. But Loyalty is an insane genius, making her the best kind of genius there is, and her favorites include irish green, goopy carbonara, and indie music.
Edgardo: “Oh ok.”
Yeah, but I’m not putting up with this. This chapter ends as this is when I gotta put in the mod. So until next time, more children and more ISBI weirdness. Later.