Boop bop bee do, time to wrap up gen two! We start our next chapter under new torch holders, and maybe this gen I’ll actually get the ISBI score up out of the negatives? It’s been in the negative triple digits for a while now, and I’m getting a little sad about it.
Coon Lady: “Excuse you, I’m a panda.”
You have the worst Halloween outfit I’ve ever seen. This is why you weren’t invited to the party.
Jealousy: “Die bitch”
Betel: “I agree. At least I do stuff, even though it’s not stuff I was brought here to do.”
Betel: “Are you sure you just want to eat sweets all the time, kid? Wouldn’t you rather have some cold Campbell’s canned chicken noodle I’ve willingly dug out of the fridge for you? It’s probably hardly better for you, but it’s still better than constant sugar.”
Peace: “I’m not taking nutrition tips from an alcoholic skeleton.”
Betel: “Look here, you little shit. I got better!”
Marlena: “It’s alright! I’m up and safe! I’m a little wet from the floor though! The floor is wet guys, so don’t sleep on it, it was a bad idea! Someone should fix that sink. It can’t be me though, I’m too wet and tired to do so. Such a shame though, I know how to of course.”
Peace: “Can’t we just bar her from the sink? Or maybe the kitchen altogether?”
Really Peace doesn’t have much room to talk, because I realized why he was stuck under that painting in the hallway from a while back. The little dweeb tries to get into his bed from the left side, which is next to the wall, but for some reason it doesn’t stop him from trying. So I guess he patiently waits for the wall to move or something before he goes to bed.
Peace: “I’m so, so exhausted. But sooner or later, this has GOT to turn into a passageway, right?”
I just gave him a different bed because loft beds are so glitchy in my game. Screw them.
Proprietor: *Bad timing werewolf change*
Happiness: “G-guys? My show?”
Proprietor: *Angry at the lack of fur that makes her a Death baby, seriously, why does this keep happening*
Happiness: “Do you really have to hurt meeeee/ do you really want to make me cry~”
Drew: “Please take me back Jealousy. I still love youuuu…”
Drew: “Alright alright! Later then!”
Jealousy: “Ah, that was easy.”
Edgardo: “No wonder everyone hates you so much Marlena.”
Marlena: “As your loving wife and fabulous mother to your children?”
Happiness: “Yeah, sure. Hold your arm a little closer to my mouth please.”
Jealousy: “Oh stop being a sissy bitch. The trick is, if a bee stings you, to punch it in the face and make it an example of what happens if they fuck with you. Isn’t that right you little honey sacks of shit?”
Betel: “Shut up! I’m making something special! Now take this dollar and run on up to the Piggly Wiggly like a good little lad, ok?”
Betel: “I don’t really know… some sort of zombie repellant spell maybe? More than likely. Now please, leave me back to my hopscotch work.”
It’s alright that you don’t remember where you live, and spawn in random yard in a neighborhood halfway across town, Brave! Because you don’t even have to come home! You’re getting kicked out anyway 😀
Brave: “Whoa, like when did we get a little mini dude, bruh? This is totes messing with my vibes here.”
Betel: “Just ignore the little brother you never knew you had and just contact that Roommate Wanted ad we saw on Craigslist earlier.”
Brave: “I dig it, papa! Glad someone remembered I was still kicking. Like, where’s mama, haven’t seen her in so long, ya dig?”
Happiness: “Eh, she’s stuck in the kitchen. And she probably wouldn’t even recognize you, so I won’t bother really.”
Brave: “Hehe, yeah, herbs bruh.”
Betel: “Hell yeah, gots to get my Bloody Mary on.”
She had a good run with sobriety. Five days, but who’s really counting.
Jealousy: “Of course. Just going to sit back, and count my hard earned insurance money, and sit around and wait for Edgardo to finally just give up the ghost, no pun intended so don’t go telling Wrath, and have him finally just fade off and leave me alone. It’s gonna be great.”
Peace: “But you seem so nice. What could you possibly mean by that, really?”
Wrath: “What did the lonely penis say to the other penis? I just want to belong.”
Peace: “Wow, that’s, um… yeah, that’s pretty bad. I don’t think I want to be seen with you anymore. Oh hellenistic period.”
Angela: “My little grandson will one day make me proud, and survive my grand neice’s horrid jokes and lead this family to further success. Also, in case you are wondering, I am NOT cheating at this new game I have never played before. I’m just a natural talent.”
Mmhmm. I bet.
Brave: “WHOA. Like, I was totes just here. It felt like hardly three minutes ago. I’m having some wicked killer deja vu right now, bruh.”
Jada: “Whatever Puffy the Kush Slayer, I personally don’t even know why I’m here.I’m about to get to the bottom of this.”
Happiness: “Wait what, huh? No, this is a birthday party, you’re not here for me.”
Jada: “Well that’s just a fucking waste of my time then.”
Wrath: “What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? My ass!”
Jealousy: “I’m doomed.”
Marlena: “I like her already! I helped raise her you know! So she’ll surely be a better hang out buddy than her evil mother!”
Brave: “ALL YOUR BAD VIBES ARE KILLIN’ MY JUJU, BRAH”
LTW is now alchemy artisan, master of the alchemy skill and user of 50 elixirs. Actually pretty simple really.
Jealousy: “Trust me, at the rate this jackhole is going, he’ll probably last forever.”
Happiness: *Kisses birthday sparkles*
Peace: “Wow mom, way to talk about your son like that.”
Marlena: “Ok… urghk, no it’s not working…”
Peace: “You serious?”
New trait for Peace is nurturing, which is something his mama ain’t.
As new torch holder, Wrath’s first wishes were to aquire an elixer, and meet someone new. The latter I did easy, since I was just lucky enough that the person I wanted her to meet was still at the party.
Wrath: “Party’s downstairs, dweeb. Not in my cousin’s pants.”
Jada: “Man, fuck a baby birthday party.”
Wrath: “You know what, you’re right, damn skippy. And you’re hot. Now that I think about it, there might be a party in my pants now, baby doll.”
And of course then Jada left.
Peace: “So, with Wrath taking over for Aunt Jealousy, I was thinking. I know I’m still a kid, but what if I went ahead and took over for you, dad? I’ll do good, and make sure everything’s taken care of.”
Happiness: “Nice try. Nope.”
Charity: “Wow! Real food! It’s cake but it’s still food! Thanks for letting me back in the house, dad! Yes!”
Happiness: “Nope, keep it at the door, bro. Charity’s my daughter so she can come in. You have to eat cake outside, alright?”
Kindness: “Oh alright. But can I just eat it right here? On the carpet maybe?”
Happiness: “Nice try. Nope.”
Wrath: “Alright alright. So why is the sun single? Because it gives terrible blowjobs! Eh? No takers? Wow, tough house tonight.”
Evalin: “Well the little shit can’t blame his bed this time. This one actually works, so being a lameass this time is solely on him.”
Peace: “Thanks Aunt Evalin. I’m aware of that.”
AND THEN, like I said earlier about the hundred play throughs, THE GAME WENT THROUGH A SERIES OF CRASHES (ok it was more like 7 crashes, but still bothersome). At first I thought it was a candelabra from buy mode killing the game, but then I found out that Wrath’s LTW wasn’t working, and doing anything with Wrath for long periods of time was what was killing the game. Long story short, she got a hard reset in MasterController. So far no probs anymore.
They had to redo their birthdays twice though. Peace got nurturing again, but Wrath got stuck with green thumb this go around, and every attempt to change it manually crashed the game. So I’m not going to bother with it. Be a green thumb, see if I care. Someone’s got to care for Jealousy’s cadaver garden anyway. In my heart she will always be mean spirited though.
Not like I didn’t think she couldn’t talk to plants before anyway. Just broadens the demographic for an audience for her jokes anyway.
Wrath: “Alright so this baby seal walks into a club. Haha, get it! Yeah, you’re dying! Quite literally. Maybe I should get rid of that crabgrass.”
Marlena: “Wow, um, no. Those are bees and I’m not getting near them. Hecky, I’m doing good to even find my way out of the kitchen! So yeah, there’s that going for me. RIP Wrath.”
Jealousy: “Oh I could just wrap my hands around your neck and close your windpipe! My daughter almost died to bees, and you were to lazy and useless to help her! You’ve outlived your usefullness Marlena! I should have fucking killed you when I had the chance!”
Marlena: “How DARE you!”
Wrath: “Alright, I lived. I’m going to try this bee hive. The left house tends to have more passive bees in it anyway.”
Jealousy: “AH! You dare hit your elder?! You little harlot!”
Wrath: “THE BEES AREN’T PASSIVE! PLEASE DEMOCRAT HOUSE, YOU ARE THE KIND BEES, WHAT’S GOTTEN INTO YOU?!”
Jealousy: “I will cut you later.”
Marlena: “Oh bring it. But not in my nice dress.”
Happiness: “WOW, all these crisp new stairs, all rarely used. What a shame really.”
Peace: “Dad, mom wouldn’t let me bring my electronic devices, and now I’m going to be bored at this thing! I’m scared! Hold me!”
Probably, she failed several times in a row.
Wrath: “That’s great! Because I’m going to be a regular here, lady! Also, why did Helen Keller break her arm?”
Cashier: “Whua… huh?”
Wrath: “She was trying to read a stop sign at 40mph!”
Jealousy: “You know, I could just take this cane, beat you to death, and I’ll probably get my old life back as torch holder…”
Wrath: “Haha, yeah, and I can call Marlena in here too and have her take care of you.”
Mephistopheles: “Oooh, bitch is learning quick.”
Peace: “Why Uncle Envy, I’m shocked! WELL, not really, ignore that pun. But I can’t believe you don’t recognize me, I’m Marlena’s and Happiness’s son, Peace! I’ve come to visit and hang out with your son today!”
Envy: “Yeah… fuck Alberto! We have a damn electric fence for a reason!”
Envy: “See what happens when visitors get through the fence?! Now shut it, and deal with it.”
I feel sorry for this kid really.
Georgina: “Excuse you, I am the daughter of a rainbow fairy so he’ll be any damn color he wants to be! And I’m not sorry he looks nothing like you, if I had to choose between looking like an old frog like you and looking exactly like me, I’d pick my genes every time too!”
Alberto: “Parents are fighting again. Gonna try to do homework and pretend my life is happy. Sigh.”
Envy: “Oh wow, your dad’s a magic purple butterfly man, big fucking whoop, Georgina! I stills say you cheated on me, and you’ve always been a major stank slut anyway! I come back from the war and this is the shit I get!”
Georgina: “You were never in a war you dumbass! Oh yeah, the Great Battle of the Backyard Raccoon Clan was so hard with your shovel and powerhose, let me say! Much fighting, very battle, wow!”
Alberto: “Say Peace, want to join me for some television and ignore my mother using memes while arguing with my dad? Shark Tank is on.”
Peace: “I’ll probably pass. After algebra, I’ll probably stand in the corner and wait until your parents go to bed then I’ll sneak out and go home. Thanks though.”
Envy: “GREEN?! What the hell! Not my little girl too! Why is my life such a jumblefuck and why do you keep CHEATING ON ME GEORGINA”
Alberto: “I wonder if anyone will get mad if I shave my head.”
Marlena: “The dog is here with me! Yay! Come on Ophaniel! Cheer for my birthday!”
Ophaniel: “Darn, I really came up here at the wrong time.”
Marlena: “What was that? I think I need a new hearing aid. Something about watching my step? Thanks, I do have bad hips you know, so it’s nice to know you are getting around to caring for me, Jealousy.”
Jealousy: “Uuuuuh, what?”
Last day of playing with him, and I’m going to miss it. How are you feeling about that, Happiness?
Happiness: “I feel I can really cut a pizza with this.”
Happiness: “I’d like to try to find three more gems and use them in this thing!”
Happiness: “But… I also want to watch the stars with my daring dumb wife.”
Happiness: “I know, right?!”
After that whole mess with the crashing, I felt like I played more than my fair share of the same week or so with the family as is, so I shortened Peace’s life stage by about five days. I know his teen years were short, but he really didn’t do anything with them anyway.
Peace: “But what about memories I could be making in those five days? Maybe a prom could happen! All the friends I could make in school! I could go out and hang with those friends, and get in trouble with curfew cops and get lost in the mountains and die of starvation, all the fun stuff other teens get to do!”
Mephistopheles: “You used to get lost on your way to your bed. Trust me. That’s as exciting as you get on your own, kid.”
Charity: “Daddy should see me now that I’m grown up and a young lady, and free from you, Anger. He’d be so pleased with how I turned out. Where is daddy anyway, Peace?”
Peace: “Quick Sing-a-Gram across town.”
Charity: “Ah. A little rude.”
Light fixture: “I wonder how long I’m really going to be stuck on the side of this crummy little house.”
Charity: “YEAH! My big sis I haven’t seen since I was three is home from boarding school! I’m mad that no one told me but WOOOOOO, let’s go clubbing!”
Happiness: “Alright, I’ve prepped him for this day for years now. I feel like he’s matured enough to take care of us and watch over this family. And I also trust that him growing up won’t break the house, but I digress.”
Wrath: “WHOA, was that some shot at me? Way to be an asscheese, Uncle Kindness.”
Charity: “That would be so kickin’ like chicken!”
Envy: *Is ashamed to even be associated with these losers*
Envy: “Whoooa, I’m not messing with this fool”
Marlena: “Hecky yeah! I made and raised some good looking babies!”
Charity: “Hecky yeah! You made and raised some good looking babies!”
Says the mother daughter clone team.
Peace: “You can trust me dad! I’m so honored you trust all this to me, I just… *sniff, cry*”
Peace’s new trait is over emotional, and for his lifetime wish he’s going to be the Descendant of Da Vinci (maxing invention, painting and sculpting skills).
Halloween is over, and we can now get back to our regular programming. I kept spelling programmy as I typed.
I waited forever to use this screenshot. I just spelled screenshit. Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this right now.
Anyway, Last actual chapter involved Marlena whooping on Jealousy’s ass, and then Betel started making weird noises again. She’s better now. Peace had a birthday, and that was about it really.
Apparently some gifts for a wedding came in. I guess it was for Jealousy’s and Edgardo’s re-marriage, but I know I checked the mailbox once before since then, so I don’t know. Everyone was just really late I suppose.
Drew: “I’m still really really pissed you dumped me for a dead guy, Jealousy! I hope you take this football, and hit yourself in the eye with it. I would like nothing more than for it to go all Marcia Brady on your ass. Did you know that the Brady Bunch has it’s on wiki site? I didn’t until now. Anyway, choke on the ball. Love, Drew.”
Anger: “DEAR MOM: I miss being home, and it sucks balls that you didn’t tell me that dad came back home finally after his pilgrimage to Mecca. Thanks for keeping me out of the loop once again! I’m so angry. But I wish you would let me back in the house. Raising your cousin’s daughters is horrible. I am sending you pictures of me in hopes that you will miss me and remember that I exist and that you should still love me. Never mind that they all look like portraits of dogs. Because they are dogs. I hate taking selfies. Sincerely, your damn son, Anger.”
Betel: “I’m sorry, miss. I feel so lonely and everything’s so quiet since the noises left me. I have turned to drink. Please don’t set me up with any AA meetings. I can’t deal with that mess again.”
So Betel’s taken up drinking now, like she did in my Supernatural test chapters.. She won’t do anything anymore, except drink and wet the floor. Sometimes she mops it up, but not always. At least on the hopscotch mat she wasn’t making a mess everywhere.
Happiness: “It seems that the dog has taken quite a liking to your legs, Jealousy.”
Jealousy: “This little shit better not be pissing on me, if he knows what’s good for him. That piss lands on me, and I’ll snap his little lifted leg right off his hip joint.”
Jealousy: “That’s a good boy. I will let you live another day.”
Happiness: “And I just got these little slippers cleaned too…”
Betel: “I did everything except for that puddle over there. That’s not my puddle. That’s the dog’s puddle. Nevermind that it smells like the good alcohol.”
Betel: “What is this, Happiness?”
Happiness: “Please don’t be so sad that you have to drink
all our alchohol, Betel! Don’t be lonely, have a stuffie! He’ll be your companion and make you happy!”
Betel: “Wow! That’s so sweet of you, Happiness! Thank you!”
This was actually her last one, she quit cold turkey on the drinking right after. So keep in mind people! If your Bonehilda is drinking, sing a diddy to get her giddy!
I skimmed over his panel for a second and I don’t think I’ve ever seen this wish before. Considering he knows very little about his mother, it’s a very sad wish anyway. I think I’m going to try to fix this problem.
Peace: “I’m in a hole? That explains why I can’t see over the trashcan!”
Wrath: “Why does this keep happening every time I come home?! My psychologist doesn’t believe me as it is!”
Happiness: “It’s an emergency family bonding trip! We are going to spend time as a family, and grow closer together! It will be fun, and besides, you two could use some time out of the house!”
Marlena: “What?! wait a diddly darn minute, Happiness! You can’t just live Pierce here with me like this!”
Peace: “Um… it’s Peace, mama.”
Marlena: “No this is not peaceful! I’m in serious distress here! Happiness! Get your booty back here!”
Well this is off to a good start.
Wrath: “Mama told me to get out and make friends with people. Actually I’m banned from this house. Restraining orders and all. So I came to visit! Mama’s really happy with me.”
Wrath: “What do you call a cheap castration? A rip off!”
Ricky: “…I think I better leave for now.”
That might explain it. Not too sure why all the teens seem to just revolve around this house though.
Peace: “I feel the family bonding over here, for sure.”
Peace: *tears up* I get more love from Jealousy, you know that?”
Proprietor: “Eavesdropping on some juicy ass drama, aren’t I?”
Marlena: “It’s alright, Percy! Well, it’s getting late, I’m going to go on home then. Prep the house, fix your breakfast in the morning, find out where they hid the rocking chair… Later, sweetie.”
Peace: “I’ll count that as attention from mom. Just so I don’t have to do that again. That was painful.”
Why is Marlena supposed to be the ‘good’ one again?!
Ophaniel: “OH, you’re back already. Didn’t think you’d be back in time to see me sinking through my bed… in one of the many holes we seem to have around here. Starting to think this ground the house is on is cursed or something…”
Marlena: “This isn’t what I wanted to come home to.”
Peace: “We stared at each other on the sidewalk for about 2 hours, then she got grumpy because you didn’t let her bring her 3DS with her, and so she went home. Why does mama not like me, dad?”
Happiness: “Oh son, she does love you. She’s just plagued with the disease of an extremely low IQ, and she can’t help it. But I’m here, and I promise, as long as your dad’s here, you’ll never have to worry about people who love you ever!”
Peace: “Thanks dad. You are the best father a kid could ask for.”
Jealousy: “The sky is so nice this time. So purple. I could just throw you up into the sky and lose you in the clouds forever.”
Edgardo: “Heh, you can! Heh heh… please don’t do that.”
Jealousy: “I’m seriously considering doing that.”
Mephistopheles: “You really are a sack of shit, woman.”
Marlena: “Well someone’s got to teach him the rules of the night around here! What better than a friendly neighborhood cop?”
Mephistopheles: “An actual mother?”
Loyalty: “Please mama! I miss your cooking! I miss food in general, really. Who’s bright idea was it to ship us away to Cousin Anger’s house for the rest of our lives?! Can I just have a couple of sandwiches to make it the rest of the week? Please!”
Haha no. I guess it’s not so Nice! after all.
Peace: “Spoiler alert. Not me. I still have cake in the fridge, from where Betel shoved it in there amongst the other stuff Jealousy cooked and the hidden bottles of empty rum Betel thinks she’s hiding from us.”
Peace: “I hate to break it to you, sis… so I’m not going to say anything.”
Edgardo: “I know, we can’t grow old together since I stopped growing. But know that I will always love you no matter your age, Jealousy.”
Jealousy: “Know that you’ll be living in one of the bee huts if you keep pulling that corny crap on me.”
Considering how uncouth Jealousy is in the first place, she’s aged rather gracefully in my opinion.
Wrath: “JOKE’S ALREADY BEEN MADE, BETTER NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT ENCROACHING ON MY TERRITORY.”
Charity: “I do apologize. But in all seriousness, please… can I have some food?”
Peace: “This is getting so awkward… I’m just going to pretend I can’t hear anything and act like I’m texting my bestie or something.”
Stacey: “But I’m right here.”
Peace: “Take out your phone and stop making me look like a loser, Stacey…”
Jealousy: “Just because I’m 70 something years old, doesn’t mean I won’t beat the crap out of you, kid.”
Jealousy: “Well at least there’s still someone who thinks I’m pretty.”
Happiness: “I was going to spank you for making our son feel bad about having a crap mother, but it’s such a terrible turn on for me…”
Ophaniel: “Hey, can someone fill my food bowl downstairs real qui… oh, is this a bad time?”
Mephisitopheles: “Well he’s got to do something to burn the sight of your butts out of his eyes. Poor traumatized dog. I’ve done bad things to him in the past, but damn, people.”
Wild Horse: “The fact that I haven’t neighed negatively at you and run away shows how well behaved I am! That and how gracious you should be that I haven’t magically spawned myself into your house.”
Wild horse: “Shouldn’t you be more concerned about your fridge eating a hole through the wall of your house?”
Jealousy: “Look at me not caring. I want to spend the day playing hopscotch with someone, and since your idiot ghost father cheats and I don’t even want to look at the other people in this house, much less socialize with them, you’re just going to have to suck it up.”
Jealousy: “FUCK YOU HORSE! YOU MESSED ME ALL UP, NOW I HAVE TO START ALL OVER!”
Jealousy: “Can’t you shut up and let me do my DAMN JUMPS RIGHT?!”
At least they are having fun together.
Jealousy: “Mom wouldn’t let me leave the house in just a Snuggie. I don’t understand why though.”
You stupid married bastard!
Wrath: “Oh no! Please don’t strangle me! I still have so many shitty jokes to tell so many stupid people!”