Archive | December 2013

Friends To Benefits

1Generation three starts today, as Peace takes over for his father, Happiness, and Wrath takes over for her mother, Jealousy.  Peace is a genius and is good with computers.  He prefers to be alone, and he’s over emotional due to his mother never spending time with him, but he’s nurturing, so he won’t repeat her shitty mistakes.

He’s going to be a Descendant of da Vinci and master inventing, sculpting and painting.  I believe in him.

2Wrath likes to tell jokes, but she’s crazy and unlucky.  She is a virtuoso, and was supposed to be mean spirited, but the game decided she’d be better with plants instead, and now has a green thumb.  Those poor plants now have to put up with her crappy jokes.

She’s going to be a Alchemy Artisan, which she’s already started, and has actually almost mastered the skill.

3Peace’s first wish involved playing on the hopscotch mat and HAVING THE CHILDHOOD HE NEVER HAD

Peace: *Cries onto the 1 square*

Coincidentally, Betel’s not hogging the mat to herself today.  She’s actually missing throughout this whole chapter and part of the next.  I know it’s Christmas, Betel, but you aren’t allowed time off you know.

4Brave: *Belts out into a Disney Princess song*

Peace: “Wait, have you been here since the party yesterday? Don’t you have a house to go to?”

Brave: “No way bruh!  Nature is my home, the birds and the bees and the deer are my roomies!”

Peace: “Ah,  I was afraid of that.”

5Peace began his wish rolling for LTW related wishes, and so he built him a little seaside studio, taking his sister’s idea of nature and incorporating it into his own little quiet get a way.  No one else really has a use for the area, so he can enjoy is isolation.  Mostly because none of the family can find their way out of the kitchen 78% of the time.

6Wrath: “Yo, we met at a party a little while back, and I totally dig you.  I dig you and dat ass, alright.”

Jada: “It’s too early in the morning for crazies like you to be wondering about.”

7Wrath: “Anti-socialization is the craziation sweeping the nation!  I ain’t got time for all that talking shit!  Have a potion, be my friend!”

Jada: “What the hell?!  I’m calling the cops!  You broke my toes, and I’m naked for some strange reason all of a sudden…”

8Wrath: “Ugh, all I have are friend potions, so I can’t force you into a relationship with me, all Merope Gaunt-style, so you’ll have to start as my BFF.  But the nudity is a plus, so I’ll let it slide.”

Jada: “Well, um, as your new, forced, best friend, and probably only friend in the world, judging by how ugly you are, what the hell do you want to do today?”

9Wrath: “Stick your tongue in my mouth, bb”

Jada: “OMG are these real roses?!  Fantastic, I can’t wait to jam the thorns in that kid’s face over there for laughing at my underwear!”

Newspaper boy: “Hahaha!  Her undies make me feel all funny and bothered down in my pants!”

10There’s nothing like cutting corners around relationships with the use of witchcraft and mind control.  Especially since I don’t want to spend 80 years trying to get Jada to like Wrath back.

11Wrath: “Alright hot stuff.  Now that you are at the bend of my will and under my control, how about you dump that loser fiance of yours, who ironically is also my half brother from a relationship that my mother destroyed?”

Jada: “Cheating on him is funner, but he is a loser.  Everett’s out of the picture anyway, whether or not I’m drugged up on your potion or not, consider that a fact.”

12Big brother Anger’s out having babies of his own, now with his Ex-Aunt, Now-Lover

Anger: “We Fallen’s LOVE to destroy relationships.  If it’s in the family it’s hotter.  Gets me so off.  So off in fact, I’m now a daddy.  I’m scared.”

13Edgardo: “Go get the ball boy!  Yeah that’s right, get the pig ball!  I got to do something with my unlife besides sleep and float around the kitchen!  Befriending the pets seem like a lot of fun!”

Ophaniel: “Edgardo is so nice!  I like to play!  Come here ball, stop floating off!”

14Edgardo: “Go get it!  Where’d the ball go, boy?  Is it in my pants!  Yeah, go get that ball boy… go get it…”

Ophaniel: “I.  Um, I don’t think I’m going to try… anymore.  Nope, not doing that.

15As for Jealousy, she’s gotten real lazy in her freedom from my control.

Jealousy: “I get up, eat, yell at Marlena for being stupid, and then chill for the rest of the evening.  Nothing could be better than that.  Well, listening to my daughter have woohoo in the next room over, defiling Happiness’ and Marlena’s bedroom, is a little bit better.”

16Wrath: “Bagging a hottie this early in my youth?  I’m so badass, and dare I say, it makes me a little…cocky.”

Jada: “Did you just-”

17Jada: “Ew, no!  I can’t believe you tried pulling a crappy pun right before having sex with me!  I DON’T have to do this part, you know!”

Wrath: “What?!  Oh come on, it was a damn good pun!  Ok, so I know I’ve got the woman parts, but I was going to use that joke anyway!”

18Jada: “I’m not going to let you touch my hoohaa if you’re going to be talking in puns the whole time.  Screw you, “best friend”!  And NO, not like THAT!”

Wrath: “I can’t believe a joke has failed me like that!  I’ve been… cockblocked.”

Jada: “I’M GOING HOME.”

19*A COUPLE OF SUNNY DAYS LATER*

Nascar: “Yeah baby, I’m gonna grind them gears when I get home, uughghghgghhhh….”

Veronica: “Weren’t you JUST paying attention to what happened to the Fallens the other day?!  Puns AREN’T HOT, Nascar!”

Nascar: “No, I’m serious, babe!  I REALLY have to grind the gears!  Rub some oil in them, get them all lubricated and working again…”

Veronica: “Oh you’re talking about the actual gears-”

Nascar: “Then we’re gonna sex.”

Veronica: “You can keep sleeping on that mountain at this rate, Nascar.”

20I was just looking around the town, scouting some good sims and whatnot for Peace, didn’t really expect to find Happiness away from the house at this hour.

Happiness: “We were driving back from the restaurant, when LOOK!  It’s a baby lizard!  I jumped out the moving car and here I am!  I’ve named him Tyrael.”

21.1Wrath: “What the HELL do you mean, you aren’t in the mood to come hang out with me?!  You are my best friend, you are OBLIGATED to come hang out with me!  NO, we don’t have to do the freaky freaky! …You STILL don’t want-OH COME ON.  I’m AWESOME and FUN and my puns ROCK!  AND our lot is literally growing diamonds out of the ground right now, so our lot also LITERALLY ROCKS…did you hang up on me?”

21Wrath: “Yeah baby, you won’t come to me, I come to you.  This is gonna get hot.”

Jada: “Pull another stupid joke out of your ass and I’ll let my dog bite the hell out of you.”

Mr. Boots: “I need a haircut, help me”

22Wrath: “Before the dog attacks me, I got something to say!  You remember me talking about those diamonds growing in our yard?”

Jada: “You DIDN’T.”

Wrath: “Look, I don’t waste no time, mama gets what mama likes!  Also, they weren’t diamonds, they were moonstones, but they’re just as nice really.

23Wrath: “So, if you become my betrothed, you can have this moonstone ring, cut carefully by my sculpture making cousin, who I constantly yelled at to carve for me, for free, until he figured out how to do it.”

Jada: *Loud, ear piercing screech that shattered the windows and their eardrums*

Wrath: “I’ll take that as a yes.”

24Peace: “Interrupting the fiance making for my graduation!”

Jealousy: “Why’s the bitch in the front seat”

Marlena: “Because Santa didn’t bring me coal in MY stocking.”

Jealousy: “Did I use that coal to burn up your stocking?  I sure as hell did.”

Peace: “I want to change places with my dad in the trunk.”

25Wrath: “What’s the difference between a blonde and a limousine?”

Peace: “Did you really get here before we did and already sit through the ceremony?  No one is HERE yet, Wrath!”

Wrath: “Not everyone’s been in a limousine.”

26Wrath: “OH NO, Cousin Happiness’s first fail!  I must escape before he sees me with the POWER OF NOCLIP” *slaps herself through the face*

Happiness: “No no!  It was an accident, it doesn’t count!”

IT DOES COUNT, YOU FAILED ME HAPPINESS, I TRUSTED YOU TO NOT BE THE ONE TO DISSAPPOINT ME AND YOU HAVE

27Jada: “Ah, it’s such a nice idea to take me to a pre marital honeymoon to the creepy empty hotel in the mountains!  You really are pretty damn cool after all, Wrath.”

28Jada: “But did you really have to take your cousin along with us?”

Wrath: “Yes.”

Jada: “Is he going to serenade us while we bump uglies?  Because that would be kinda hot.”

Happiness: “Whoa whoa whoa, THAT’S what I was invited along for?  I was promised free food!”

29Jada: “This is actually a really nice room.  Very clean.  The blacklight only showed some icky stuff on the door handle!”

Wrath: “I know right!  Good thing everything else is spotless, sucks that we have to jump out the window to get back out of here though.”

30Wrath: “Ah yes.  Finally some action.  Yes, suck on my chin a little harder, Jada.  This is kissing, right?”

Jada: “Nom nom nom”

31Happiness: “I wish the Oculus Rift could block out the noises of my cousin’s kid and her girlfriend upstairs.  It’s hard to appreciate the beauty of Portal in stereoscopic 3D when all you hear over Wheatley’s chattering is loud moaning.”

Inn Keeper: “Sigh, first actual customers in years, and they’re squealing like ghosts.  I have a hard enough time keeping the doorknobs clean around here.”

32Wrath: “HERE’S JOHNNY!”

Jada: “Wrong movie, diptard!  I thought you wanted to reinact Psycho.”

Wrath: “Oh yeah!  Yeah, I got something I’d like to stab you with-”

Jada: “I’ll stab you if you start on another shitty sex joke, Wrath.”

33And it was such a clean bathroom too.

34Peace: “I’m on my way to work, Wrath!  I bet you didn’t know I was a ghost hunter.  Honestly, I didn’t know I was a ghost hunter either.  It must have gotten the job before the month long break between chapters.  But this does explain why I have a wish to collect some spirits already.”

Wrath: “I don’t care, because this tree is dead.  I feel it in my thumbs.  Has your hippie sister Brave been in the yard again messing with my plants?!  Because I’ll stick her head on a pike made out of the remnants of this tree if she has.”

35Loyalty: “YOOO, I had NO idea my brother was a ghost hunter!  Because you didn’t know I was heavily pregnant!  What a way for my family to find out!  This isn’t how I thought it’d go at all.”

Peace: “WHO DID THIS”

36Underaged teen kid: *Tries to flee the scene but it’s too late*

Peace: “I’M ABOUT TO TAKE THIS KID, AND SIT HIM DOWN AND TALK ABOUT THE DANGERS OF UNDERAGED WOOHOO AND GIVE HIM A MARRIAGE BROCHURE FOR HIM AND MY SISTER”

Loyalty: “Please brother!  Let’s not react so hastily and with such violence!”

37Brandt: “But I’m NOT the father, Mr. Fallen!  You have to believe me!”

Peace: “Well SOMEONE has to marry my sister, she CANNOT be a single unwed mother in this economy!”

Loyalty: “Oh no, my brother’s going to go crazy!  If I’m not careful he could… *gulp*… sternly lecture that poor kid!  Oh what should I do?”

38Well surely not that.

Loyalty: “Oh yes, Grover Cleveland, I have done… “those things”… with Rutherford B. Hayes.  Isn’t it obvious with the pregnancy?”

Peace: “I SEE YOU OVER THERE, OH MY GOULASH”

39Wrath: “Soon the wedding is nigh, and to celebrate, I maketh waffles.”

Jada: “I don’t trust you with my kitchen.  Ice cream for dinner it is then.”

Wrath: “WELL THEN.”

40Peace, you were supposed to take care of the ghosts in your sister’s house, NOT sneak off and tell ghost STORIES at her neighbors!

Peace: “And the scary part of the story is… I think one of those ghosts have taken my sister to bed with them!”

Cynthia: “Not the bed!”

41Skimming over her traits, and I think I’ve found a Good sim I like :O

Peace: “Her short skirt and unformal sitting posture tells me otherwise.”

42Peace: “But I’m about to turn the charm on in here, baby…”

43Peace: “YOU MARRIED?!  OH GOD PLEASE TELL ME YOU AREN’T MARRIED.”

Cynthia: “Huh?  Oh yeah, this guy here is my husband.  John has taken me to bed as well, note the two children.”

Peace: *Cries profusely, so much for the charm*

44Peace: “What happened to you little guy?!  You were supposed to have a sweet, innocent, caring feature.  And you were supposed to be a butterfly.  Has Jealously come in here and messed with my sculptures again?!”

It’s for a client anyway.

45Peace: “Hello?  Who’s this, I’m just delivering a stool, a trashcan and a scary rabbit statue to the criminals of our town for a commission.  Cynthia?  I thought you were someone else for a second.  Yeah, my mom’s a cop.  But why are you calling me all of a sudden?  Just to talk?  Sure I got a few minutes!”

46Wrath: “Hi, bees!  Alright, this is gonna go better than last time, three men named Eddie, Joe, and Chuck go to their date’s house and are met at the door by the fathe-OW OW OW, WHAT WAS WRONG THIS TIME, I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO THE PUNCHLINE, HELP, PEACE PLEASE BRING ME THE CHAINSAW”

Gonna wrap this chapter up for now.  Next time, will Jada and Wrath’s wedding go according to whatever plan Wrath has in her head?  Will Peace waste his life away in his little studio all alone?

47And what happened here?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, HAPPINESS

48Happiness: “I was just trying to make vampire friends!  I didn’t mean anything by it, why am I getting death threats like this?  Why am I even in the cemetery anyway?!”

Janice: “I was about to make you stay in this cemetary too, if it weren’t for that damn camerawoman!  And her little dog too!”

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