Archive | February 2014

Bye Bye Black Sheep

1

Peace: “Oh, ok!  I’ll give you some time in my emergency shower, and some private time in my area!  Just make sure you clean everything off and try not to break anything for me, pretty please!”

Jealousy: “Yeah yeah, like I’m really going to do that, loser.”

I can already see this is going to be a problem.

Last chapter, Wrath forced-married Jada and moved her in, and then Peace brought Cynthia and her children home with him, and now we have to make room for them as well.

2That being said, get the hell out of Brave’s room, you two.  I don’t even know how you got in here, but I’m going to need this space.

Jada: “I’ll move if you give me my LTW.”

I’ll just work around you then.

3Jada: “What the shit?  What’s this eyesore?!”

I took Brave’s and Anger’s old room and combined them for a mega nursery for Cynthia’s children Briana, Betsy, and Julian.  They all have it in their favorite colors of green, red, and purple.  But yeah, Jada’s right.  Have fun looking at this pain in the eyes.

4Jada: “I’m just going to keep staring at this abomination of a room and ignore the sudden snoring camouflaged pile of ectoplasm in the floor.”

I guess I shouldn’t have stripped that bed out of the room so quickly.  Then again, he should know where his own bed is.

6Edgardo: “Wow, this kid’s playing is so terrible that my thoughts have been unaligned.”

Betsy’s already moved in and made herself at home.  She’s the good one of the three anyway.

7Briana: “WHERE’S MY DADDY?!  WHERE’S MY BOTTLE?!  I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS PLACE, I WANT TO GO HOME”

Happiness: “Really, what was the point of Peace bringing home this woman’s kid?!  She has another parent she could have just stayed with!  This isn’t what was on my contract when I signed up!”

Cynthia: “If another parent, you mean a dead beat ex-husband who never came home for days on end and was a poor family supporter, never saw his kids, and always smelled like urine and shame, then yes, she has another parent.”

Stuffing the house with unnecessary sims is probably a real bad idea in the long run, but when I feel bad for them, I tend to not think anyway.

8Marlena: “Who’s screaming?  Did you have another kid recently, Edgardo?  I know I didn’t!  At least I don’t think I did!”

Edgardo: “No, this doesn’t look like mine!  It looks a lot like my old drug dealer though, maybe it’s his kid or something.”

9Jealousy: “WHO BROUGHT NASTY ORPHANS INTO MY HOUSE?  WHO PAINTED MY SON’S ROOM THIS HIDEOUS SHADE OF SHIT?!  PEACE, WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO MY HOUSE?!”

Peace: “Me?!  Don’t blame me, Jealousy, blame our poor society, when a father will not support his own children, and hard working mothers are thrown from their homes and shelters in search of love and security-”

Jealousy: “NEVERMIND, I DON’T WANT TO KNOW, JUST SHUT THESE LOUD LITTLE BASTARDS UP!”

10At least we have one less baby to deal with, as Briana grew up the first night home.

Briana: “Maybe living in this house won’t be too bad, so long as they feed me, and give me cool things, and a large allowance and stuff.”

She grew up a mooch, so I guess she’s already getting used to bumming off the Fallens.  She’s also a loner and a slob, so I can see she’s not going to want to do much for that large allowance she’s asking for.

Cynthia: “I’ll do anything for a cookie.”

11Briana: “I plan on living in the backyard with the toys they obviously provided for me to win my love.  I still hate them, but this is the least they can do for taking me away from my daddy like the monsters they are.”

I don’t think you still understand what a sack of shit your father is, Briana.

12Happiness: “Heeeey.  This kid isn’t a grandkid of mine.  I kinda hoped it was, but it’s not!  What’s the deal?”

While you’re griping, change his diaper, Happiness.

13Happiness: “Aw come on!  Even the cool colored kid isn’t mine either!  I don’t want to get stuck raising a hundred children that aren’t my blood!  Someone turn off that woman’s faucet!”

It’s not like you’re going to tell yourself no anyway, just take care of the kids.  You’re the best parent in this household anyway.

14Peace: “Aw, I just wanted to make a surprise for Cynthia and the kids!!”

And that’s what the shower is supposed to be used for.

15Wrath: “#BestColor2014!!  I’m yellowin’ like a felon!”

Someone’s extremely oblivious to the chaos going on inside the house.

16Wrath: “I am now Smaug.”

She keeps rolling wants for jelly beans ever since the little incident at the shop.  I’m only permitting about 3 per save for her though.

17Cynthia: “Please, I can’t function unless I have 5 cups of expresso, I feel my kidneys shutting down, but come on, coffee maker, it’s been 12 seconds already!”

Cynthia found the coffee maker, and apparently is a coffee fiend.  She hasn’t wet herself yet, but I’m afraid.

18Peace: “I did it!  I made a toy for the children!  They are going to enjoy you, little fellow.”

19Peace: “WHOA LITTLE DOGGIE, WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?!”

Maybe he’ll get better at this one day.

20Peace: “And when you grow up, you will get to play with all kinds of cool little toys that Mr. Peace made for you!  And I promise none of them will explode on you or cause you to burn a hole through your tushie.  I will work all the kinks out by then.”

Cynthia: “Where’s a Bonehilda when you need one?”

I actually just deleted Betel a short while before.  She wasn’t showing up half the time and replacing her is something I shouldn’t have to do, and since she wasn’t working like she should anyway, she went bye bye.

Bye bye, Betel.

21Cynthia: “I just want to thank you again for helping me and my children, Peace!  I don’t know where we’d be if you hadn’t come along and saved my family!  You are such a special person to me, Peace!”

Peace: “It’s nothing, Cynthia!  Anyone with any lights in his head would have done the same thing for you!  I couldn’t leave you in that situation, and I just want you to know, if there’s anything I can do for you, I’m going to do it.”

22Cynthia: “Oh Peace.  You are the greatest man on the planet.”

Betsy: “Someone get me out of here.  Their gushy gross sweetness on each other is getting on my nerves.”

Jealousy: “I don’t have any problems getting rid of you, kid.”

Edgardo: “Jealousy, be nice!  It’s just a baby!”

23Briana also shares a bed in the kid’s room, but she’s been living in the tree house for the whole stay.

Briana: “If they forget I’m here maybe, I’ll run off and be with daddy, and they won’t even know I disappeared.  Now if you don’t mind, Zzzzz…”

24While Jealousy was “caring” for the kids, Cynthia and Peace snuck off to watch stars again.

Cynthia: “-And between you and me, John had an “itty bitty”, hee hee hee…”

Peace: “Yesssss”

That’s HARDLY appropriate talk, you two.

25Peace: “We used to have a window right there, but one night when I was about three, Wrath snuck into my room and chunked me out of it as some sort of prank.  Cracked my third vertebrate and I had to wear a brace until I was about 15.  Very few people know about that though, I only tell people I trust this story.”

Cynthia: “I feel so honored.”

I would hardly call this star watching.

26Cynthia: “Peace, I want to talk to you about our situation.  I am really thankful for you and everything you’ve done, but I don’t want me and my children to be a burden.  It’s so hard being a mother in my situation, and raising such a rebellious little daughter, I worry about my other two as well.  If we ever get to be too much, please tell me, and we won’t stay for too long.”

Peace: “No, you’re never going to be a burden on us, Cynthia.”

27Peace: “I want you to stay here as long as possible.  If it were up to me, I’d never want you to leave.  I care so much about you, Cynthia.  I really do, I love you and your kids.”

Cynthia: “Wow, really?  I love you too, Peace!”

28Peace: “Please stay with me forever.  Stay with me and be with me, Cynthia!  I will take care of your kids, and help you raise them, and be a great father to them, I swear on it!

Cynthia: “I do like where this is going!  I will stay with you, Peace!  And the kids will love you!  Maybe not Briana, but you’re the only father Julian’s ever had, at least!”

29Peace: “You know what, I do like the sound of that, Peace the father.  Give me a second, I want to give you something, something that will make this official!”

Cynthia: “Are you really going to do what I think you’re going to do?!”

30Peace: “Yes!  Cynthia, please accept my proposal to marriage!  I want you to be Mrs. Peace Fallen, and I’ll treasure you and make sure you are never mistreated again.”

Cynthia: “Oh Peace, yes!  I’ll marry you.  I’m so happy you asked, of course I will be your wife.”

31Cynthia: “Your ring is so much nicer than the dud rock John gave me.”

Peace: “I shall place it right next to the old one, just so you can look at it all the time, and realize how much better I am than he is!”

32Briana: “When he’s not looking, I’m going to take Peace and hide his body in the sand box, just like this *mercilessly buries an innocent turtle*”

Baal: “I see she’s taking this new engagement rather well.”

33One of Wrath’s many strange wishes.  With all the experience she has in alchemy and gardening, she wants to be a fisherman.

Wrath: “Do you like fishsticks?”

34Good.  Fuck off, Drew.  It’s about time you took the hints.

35Peace: “Envy?  How are you today?  Why are you out here at my little shack?”

Envy: “I came to watch you burn yourself to death.  Actually, I was invited to your bachelor party, but I really just came for this.”

36Aw, isn’t she just a sweetie?!  I’ve never had a sim ask that before!  No, sweetheart, if there’s anyone I don’t want around for this, it’s definitely not you 🙂

37Brave: “Oh so we AREN’T abandoning the party early?  Oh well too late for that, bruh, I’m outtie!  Cool party, love walking into the house for 5 seconds!  Latah’ alligatah!”

I don’t think I want to invite you to anything anymore.

38Peace: “Dad, I… what the helix fossil are you wearing?!”

Happiness: “Just because you get to dress up for your big day doesn’t mean I can’t?  I’m still cool, I’m still hip-”

Peace: “-Dad, don’t do this to yourself again, they’ve told me the stories-”

Happiness: “-I can still get down with the party, think of me as another one of your bros, and not the father of the groom!  I’m still young and down it, even if I’m your dad!”

Peace: “Well… can’t argue with the youth, you are technically younger than me now… Whatever.  Dad, can you just do me a favor, being my best man and all for my wedding?  Can you make the toast for me?”

Happiness: “Me?  Make the toast?  I’m so honored!”

39Happiness: “Hey look!  I already made the toast!  So I don’t really have to do it now!  Great!  Actually, Jealousy might have made this a few hours ago.  It might actually be grilled cheese.  Oh well *sips on gin and juice*”

That’s NOT THE TOAST HE ASKED YOU TO MAKE

40Peace: “Betel!  You are alive after all!  Very alive actually.  Where’d you get the new meat suit?”

Baal: “I suppose we really are going to ignore the pantless, penisless vampire passed out in the walkway?  Because if we are, I’m going to pee in the house, and I don’t want to hear any lip about it, because I can’t help it.”

41Jealousy: “YES!  Someone hired a hooker!  Yeah baby, shake it for mama!”

Marlena: “What’s going on?!  I don’t remember installing a spotlight here in the living room…”

42Peace: “So are you enjoying the bachelor party so far?”

Cynthia: “It’s nice, your dad really does not know how to make toast though.  I think this is PB&J.”

Peace: “Probably, since he kinda isn’t allowed near the stove, actually.”

43Peace: “Did Briana just fart on my cousin?”

Cynthia: “Yeaaah, I’m sorry about that.  Parties tend to make her gassy.”

Anger: “This house has gotten trashier by the day.”

44What the hell, Happiness.

Happiness: “I hear that vampires tend to lose their pants and consciousness around you, I’m curious as to how you do it…”

Olivia: “Well honestly, that’s how that Jaime guy was when I came here.  But I’m sure I can come up with my own reason as well…”

WHAT THE SHIT, HAPPINESS.  You are a married man, married to Marlena, BUT MARRIED NONETHELESS!  Matter of fact, where is your wife anyway?!

45Marlena: “Ain’t no party like a rocking chair party because a rocking chair party don’t stop.”

…  You know what, continue flirting with that dancer, Happiness. I don’t care.  Marlena might as well not exist in this family anymore anyway.

46Loyalty: “Shouldn’t you NOT be drinking that as heavily pregnant as you are?”

Charity: “What are you, the baby police?  Gonna rat me out?  Going to get Peace to give a stern talking to me like he did to you?”

Loyalty: “Just forget I said anything then.”

47Charity: “OK, MAYBE THE BABY DOESN’T LIKE APPLETINI VODKA WINE!  WHAT A TERRIBLE IDEA!  ARE WE SURE IT’S A BABY BECAUSE IT’S EATING THROUGH MY UTERINE WALL”

Peace: “DAAAAAAAAD!  CHARITY’S IN LABOR, CALL THE BABY DADDY, WE’RE ABOUT TO HAVE MORE BABIES IN THE HOUSE!”

Cynthia: “Maybe I better not go outside right this second…”

48Peace: “And there she goes, my proud big sister and her new baby, all alone in the world, since her child’s father ALSO never showed up for the birth… will she be ok?  Does she have enough food and supplies?!  Will she need a place to rest her head at night, because we can make more room at the house…”

NO, we aren’t taking in any more stray mothers, Peace!

49Jealousy: “About TIME that “fairy dust” I bought from that shady foreigner started working.  Now I’m really flying!  Also, my heart is stopping…”

50Jada: “Something’s wrong… I thought this toddler was GREEN?!  Why isn’t this one GREEN?!  HAS THAT PEACE ASSHOLE BEEN SNEAKING KIDS INTO THE HOUSE AT NIGHT AGAIN OR SOMETHING?!  I WANT TO LIVE IN A NICE HOUSE, NOT A DAY CARE CENTER.”

Jealousy: “Of all places I have to die, it’s got to be this hideous as fuck room.  I would even prefer the underground death cellar over this place.”

51Jealousy: “Just take me, get me the fuck out of here.  I can’t stand it anymore anyway, it’s gone to hell in a hand basket after my daughter and that dipshit took over.”

Death: “Wish granted.”

Peace: “Please stop with the racket, Julian!  Our dear cousin is dying, so we don’t have time to listen to your rendition of “Bye Bye Black Sheep”, even though that’s oddly ironic.”

Jada: “Is it oddly ironic that the kid’s no longer green?  I miss it when it was that color.”

Betsy: “Wrong kid, you nutcase.”

52Everyone: *United Sobbing of America*

Death: “Wow, you are right, that kid does play a shitty version of Baa Baa Black Sheep.  Ew.  Cut it out.”

53Death: “Aw, what a sweet little doggie you are!  Here.  It’s part of that dead woman’s ribcage, a nice treat for a sweet little doggie such as yourself.”

Baal: “:O With treats like this, I could get used to people dying around here!”

Death: “That’s the spirit!”

54RIP Jealousy Fallen, Gen two torch holder for Evalin’s family.  You maxed LTW and was a pretty well rounded bad ass, why you didn’t get the big grave I do not know.  May Wrath use your corpse to fertilize a nice, useful plant.

55Wrath: “EAT MY THROAT SHIT, YOU STUPID FISH”

FINALLY, someone is vomiting between Wrath and Jada.  For the longest, I’ve been trying to get Jada knocked up, but nothing is sticking, and I guess it’s because she’s already pretty old… anyway, Wrath managed to get knocked up right away on her end, so babies ahoy!

56Briana: “I just heard the head Matriarch around here has died.  That’s so sad, she was kinda cool and I actually liked her and looked up to her for stuff.  Bawww.  *Punches lens out of glasses*”

Sorry you feel upset about the loss.  You didn’t really know her though.  Go back to your tree house.

57Wrath: “How do you get dead baby through a paper shredder?”

Edgardo: “Don’t you see we don’t have time for that kind of talk right now, Wrath?  Your mother is dead, and I’m just at a loss.  I came back for her, but now she’s gone… what am I going to do without your mother, Wrath?!”

58Wrath: “Why don’t you just go to hell, daddy.”

Edgardo: “You know what… you’re right.  I must reunite with my dear wife, and now that she’s on my side of existence, it might actually be easier for us!  Thank you Wrath.  You’ve always been so helpful to talk to.”

59Edgardo: “Take care of the family, sweetheart.  I will always watch over you from the other side.”

Wrath: “I sure as fuck hope not.”

60Wrath: “Dad’s finally gone and mom’s kicked the bucket?  I say this is a wonderful day!”

A little more room up in the household.  Next time might include: More babies, weddings, glitchy bullshit, death, but more than likely, more glitchy bullshit.

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How to do Relationships

1Marlena: “Such a lovely morning to continue to do nothing around the house.  I love getting up, coming downstairs to do nothing but stand in the hallway.  This is the life.”

2Wrath: “-Haha, and then, the cop said, “voodoo dildo my ass!””

Marlena: “THIS IS CRUEL, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO AN OLD LADY?!”

I will take up the opportunity to talk about something right now.  I’ve probably touched on it before, but now it’s really bothersome to me.  Most of the sims, the ones I don’t control, don’t do anything.  Free will is jacked all the way up, but they still stand around and refuse to just do stuff unless they are starving and are tired or got to pee. (And of course, they’ll piss themselves or fall out before they actually do something about it).  And it’s just this town too, my other towns are fine with their free will.  If anyone has any ideas how to get them up and doing shit again, I would love to hear it.  Because this is annoying.

3Wrath: “I’m actually suffering right now!  Jada turned my marriage party down and ran out on me.  But I’ll show her!  I’ll make her accept my love, and all I need is a little magic persuasion…”

Wrath is still determined to get Jada to marry her, and after Jada ran out off the club, Wrath’s got to come up with a Plan B…

4Meanwhile, Peace is chilling with a pregnant Cynthia and her two kids, because her husband John wasn’t home last night, and hasn’t returned yet.

Briana: “Why is daddy taking so ‘wong to come back home?  It’s so ‘wate and I’m scared :(”

Betsy: “Is ok!  Wookie at da deer!  Deer are funny!”

5Peace: “Come on back inside, it’s late to be sitting on the porch at 3 in the morning, as young as you sweet things are!  I’ll read you a bedtime story, and then you two can go to sleep in a corner somewhere.  Sounds like fun, right Betsy?”

Betsy: “Book!  Daddy never ‘wead me a book befowa!  Ooh!”

At least he’s winning the heart of one of them.

6I don’t think Briana is having none of his shit still.

Briana: “WHERE’S MY REAL DADDDYYYYYY ;__;”

Honey, you’ve been out here all night, don’t make me sad.

7Cynthia: “My porch baby is right.  Where is that husband of mine?  He’s been out all night and hasn’t so much as called.”

Peace: “Well if it reassures you, Cynthia, the Sim Narrator hasn’t done anything to him, so he’s still alive and kicking out there, I guarantee that.”

That’s true.  I haven’t gone so far as to kill him or remove him to get Peace to end up with Cynthia like I want.  He just hasn’t come around at all.  I’m not involved in this.

Cynthia: “That’s good to know, but… why isn’t he home?”

8Peace: “Don’t worry, Cynthia!  I’ll stay and help out as long as it takes!  I won’t leave you with you being so heavily pregnant with two small toddlers around.  Oh!  And some new puppies!  Apparently your dog has made a mess on your carpet, would you look at this!”

9Lily: “My own little puppy and a little brown siamese twin!  My family is growing as well!”

Then they decided to name the puppies Bella and Bellaboosh and I had a small cuteness conniption.

10Wrath: *Pokes doorknob*

Jada: “Ugh, she’s back.  Can’t she see she’s pissed me off enough already last night?!”

11Wrath: “Thank you for answering the door for me, Mr. Boots and letting me in!  When I drag your master home with me caveman-style and make her my wife, I will let you live, and you will be renamed Baal, and be the most evil, cat-destroying monster Mephistopheles will ever see!”

Mr. Boots: *Way too friendly for his own good*

12Jada: “You idiot, don’t you get it, I don’t WANT to get married in no club!  That’s so trashy and stupid as hell!  Getting married in a cocktail dress, that is the worst idea you ever had!  I’m JADA, I was THE popular bitch in high school, I was THE head of everything, I DESERVE a big multi-million dollar wedding, and if you can’t give me that, then fuck you, Wrath!”

Wrath: “Haha, cocktail.  That’s funny because I’m going to get at that tail of yours, with my co-”

Jada: “UGH, CUT THAT JOKE OUT ALREADY, IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE”

13Wrath: “So, you won’t marry me then??”

Jada: “Hell no.  I’m better than you, so I’m gonna get better than you.  You can make me friends with you all you want, but if you can’t please me, then get the hell up out of my face, you trash excuse of a fiance.”

14Wrath: “Then you have forced me to resort to this, dear fiance of mine!”

Jada: “Oh wow, what, another friendship potion?  That’s so weak, Wrath.”

15Jada: “Ow!  OW?! WHAT THE HELL, ARE THESE BEES?!”

Wrath: “THAT is what happens to ANYONE that goes against me and the things I want to do!  And if I want a damn club wedding, you will GIVE ME MY DAMN CLUB WEDDING, JADA.”

Jada: “WHAT THE HELL HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?!  BEES?!  ARE YOU SERIOUS?!”

16Wrath: “Hee hee, well, there is one way for me to call the bees off, my love… see, I have this little wedding ring right here…”

Jada: “OW OW!  YES FINE PLEASE GIVE ME THE DAMN RING!  DEATH DO US PART, JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING RING AND CALL YOUR BEE MINIONS OFF OF ME!!”

17Wrath: “So a kid brings his cat to school one day and the teacher gets mad and tells him he can’t have it at school with him.  He starts crying and tells the teacher he had to bring his cat because he overheard his daddy telling his mama that, “he was going to eat that pussy when the kid was out.””

Jada: “Eh, maybe getting married to you won’t be so bad… maybe in a few years I can get a multi-million dollar vow renewal party.  And you can just retell that joke again or whatever the hell it is you Fallen bitches do.  Whatever.”

That’s the spirit, Jada.

18Mr. Boots Baal: “I brought in the paper, guys!  Justin Bliber is on the front page again.  Attempting to incite mass omnicide through traffic violations, this guy is a riot!  Hey, what’s going on in here, did I miss anything while I was gone?”

19Jada: “Goodbye isolated little cabin in the woods.  How I’m always going to remember how good my little hermit hut was before I got roped into this mess.”

20Now Jada is an official Fallen!  She is afraid of technology, but she’s very athletic and can sing.  She is also a light sleeper, and naturally, she is evil.  Her favorites involve lime, dim sum, and latin music. She should fit really well in the house.

21Jealousy: “Of which is completely dead still.  I’m just going to take this drink back upstairs with me and go back to bed and just wait for everyone else to just die off, ok.”

At least you bothered showing up for once, Jealousy.

22Cynthia: “I just don’t understand where he could have possibly gone!  It’s been two days now, and I haven’t heard from him!  Has he left me and his children?  Are you sure he could be alive out there?”

Peace: “I don’t understand either!  I know he’s alive out there, and he’s probably stuck, so maybe when Overwatch goes around and resets people, maybe it’ll dislodge him from where ever he’s stuck, right?”

23Peace: “But I promise, as long as I’m around, you aren’t abandoned.  A woman like you should never be left behind like this, because you are worth so much more than he is making you feel like you are.”

Cynthia: “P-Peace…”

Briana: “Aw come off it, you idiot!  He’s just playing you like a fiddle and you are falling for it, hook, line and sinker, mom!”

Stay out of it, you ignorant brat.

25Wrath: “What did the penis say to the condom?  “Take cover, I’m going in.””

Jada: “Fine.  FINE.  If I’m going to be married to you, the sex better be fucking phenomenal.”

26So they broke in the brand new tree house I set up for any future children, making it tainted and stuff through their booty-do.

27Maxine: “Hey Cynthia, I heard that John still isn’t back home, and we had to come check on you and the kids!  I know it’s late, but we’re worried about you, dear!”

Cynthia: “I’m ok, I have a wonderful guy, Peace, who’s taking care of me in the meanwhile.”

Maxine: “Are you talking about the guy that’s uh… licking the door over there?  You sure you’re alright?”

28Wrath: “Please ignore that I look like I’ve been sneaking a few off your magic bean bush, and just sell me lots of crap for a gauged price, please”

Hans: “Uh, yeah sure.”

29Wrath: “What did I TELL you?!  I didn’t steal any beans!  That’s it, you gonna keep accusing me of bullshit, I’m calling out the BEES”

Hans: “But… I wasn’t saying anything!”

30Wrath: “WHY BEES, YOU HAVE BETRAYED YOUR QUEEN”

Hans: “Can you please take this outside or something?  I got other customers I should be dealing with right now.”

31Kyle: “Mama Maxine heard screaming and sent me over to check on you Cynthia?  How are you doing?  Did you know I graduated 8 years ago?”

Peace: “WE DON’T GOT TIME FOR YOUR GRADUATION, KYLE.  CYNTHIA’S BABY IS COMING!”

Still no sign of John, either.

32Peace: “I’m going to take her to the hospital, please stay here and watch the kids, please?  Especially Briana.  She’s a rambunctious little one so keep an eye on her.”

Briana: “I’D RATHER STARVE TO DEATH THAN DEAL WITH THIS SHIT”

Kyle: “WHY ME”

33Peace: “MAKE WAY, I NEED A DOCTOR AND A BED STAT!  PREGNANT WOMAN COMING THROUGH CLEAR A PATH PEOPLE

Cynthia: “The way he’s acting, you’d think he’s the one having the baby…”

34Cynthia had little baby Julian, but who cares right, it’s not Peace’s baby.

Peace: “It’s ok, the doctors actually thought I was the father, and complimented me for my caringness and devotion.  I told you I would be here for you, Cynthia.”

Cynthia: “Yes, and I’ve been so grateful for it too, Peace.”

35Oh, check this shit out, it’s JOHN.  He FINALLY comes out of the woodworks, LATE, and apparently ISN’T stuck somewhere after all.  He just never bothered to come back home.

John: “Yeaaaaah, I kinda ran out of crack money, did you bring your purse?  Is that your purse?  Can I barrow $400, I’ll pay you back later, promise.”

Cynthia: “Uh, this is your son?  You missed his birth, again, just like you did the last two times I had your children.  When are you going to get yourself together, John?!”

Peace: “Should I still be here?”

36Peace followed them back home anyway, where Cynthia finally called it quits after basically being awake for two days straight.

Peace: “She was so stressed out about John being away she just couldn’t sleep.  Poor dear.”

47

Happiness: “Ring a ding ding, it looks like I get to sing!  Wait, isn’t that my son’s little girl friend?”

Apparently it is.

48Happiness: “Ayyy I got this new dance fo yall, called tha Soulja Boy~

Cynthia: “Aww, thank you for making me feel better!  There’s no better cure than joy through music, this is true!”

49Happiness: “Wait a minute, is that my son right there??”

Peace: “Hey daddy!”

Happiness: “Do you, like, live here now or something?  I haven’t seen your butt at the house in days, I figured you’d run out on me or something.  Wow, didn’t know you were stuck in some homeless house or whatever this is.”

Cynthia: “Excuse me”

50Peace: “Dad’s… well he’s kinda right.  I can’t leave you in this situation, Cynthia.  I told you I was going to watch out for you, and I still want to watch out for you.  You and your kids don’t deserve to be treated like this and live this way. I want to protect you.  Please, come home with me, and I’ll take care of you and make sure your kids have the basic needs they deserve, that John just isn’t giving you.”

Cynthia: “Well, it would be nice for the girls to sleep in cribs and not cry themselves on the porch every night.”

Happiness: “Yeah, that’s my boy, tag ’em and bag ’em, that’s how you get the ladies, son.”

What the hell, Happiness.

51Cynthia: “I don’t know what I would have done without you with me this whole time, Peace.  I love you so much for it.”

John: “Yo, Cynthia, where’s the good silverware?  That’s got some monetary value still on it, right?”

Happiness: “Ooooh, there’s a sudden feeling of awkwardness, I’m going to vanish into thin air now guys, later.”

52John: “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, CYNTHIA!?  HUGGING ON SOME RANDOM FUCK FROM THE STREET, I SHOULD KICK YOU OUT FOR THIS KIND OF CHEATING BEHAVIOR”

Cynthia: “Dang it, John!  What is your problem?!  He’s not some random guy, he’s my best friend and he’s been helping me for the past few days while you were out doing heaven knows what, not keeping in touch with me, making me wonder whether you were dead or alive or what!  Don’t yell at me for having friends who actually CARE about me, John!”

53Ooooooh snap, he just didn’t

Peace: “Did you REALLY just hit your wife who just had a baby for you?!”

54Peace: “I’M ABOUT TO HULK OUT ON YOU MISTER, PREPARE FOR JUSTICE”

Betsy: “Some major shit’s about to go down, yay for childhood trauma!”

55Foreshadowing on how the fight is obviously going to go down.

Peace:  “PUNCHING ME IN THE SKULL IS ONLY GOING TO MAKE ME ANGRIER”

56John: “MY WIFE IS GOING TO LEAVE ME FOR SOME KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR ASSHOLE AND YOU THINK I’M NOT GOING TO BE MAD ENOUGH TO KICK YOUR ASS?!  YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING”

Peace: “STOP JAMMING YOURSELF IN MY FACE”

Cynthia: *Very calmly makes her escape, also leaving her daughter up here to watch this mess, what a mother*

57Peace: “NOOOO, AND THE FIGHT WAS IN MY FAVOR TOO”

Hardly, Peace.  You are too much like your father to even have a hope of winning a fight.

58Cynthia: “He’s not going to attack the people who love me and bring this much drama into our children’s lives.  I’m leaving him!  Let’s just go, before he does anything more drastic.”

59Peace: “I’ll get Julian and Betsy, you go on and get in the car.  You are going to love it at my house, and I’m sure the kids are going to be very welcomed into my family.”

Cynthia: “Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me, Peace.”

Briana: “Yeah well, back off, butt face.  You keep hitting on my mama, I’ll get my daddy to beat you up again!”

JEEZ KID.  BACK OFF.

Club Wedding

1WHY

I SWEAR TO GOD, MARLENA

2Happiness: “Noooo, no, me and Marlena are still very much in love.  I’m actually in town right now, and Envy’s little wife just walked out on him.  It was so sad.  They both stormed out and now no one is here to watch their poor little grandchild.  It’s tragic :(“

Dereck: “Honestly, their breakup is the safest thing that could ever happen to me in my life.  So I’m thrilled!”

3Happiness: “Their girl-son is home, now I can log out of this world for the next 12 hours.  Goodbye sims, hello Orcs.”

Alberto: “Don’t you think you need to go home and stop acting immature right now?”

Happiness: “Your hair is what’s immature, Alberto.”

Happiness spends a lot of time in town since he still goes to gigs and stuff, then he can’t seem to find his way back home again.

4Peace: “What the pooper scooper?!  That’s not the alligator statue I was going for!  It’s just a silly little gem!  Why am I such a FAILURE”

Peace doesn’t make a lot of sculptures, surprisingly, he’s found more gems and stuff in stones than he’s actually made statues.

5DREW

GET THE HINT AND GO AWAY

IF WE GO OUT WITH YOU THIS TIME, WILL YOU REALIZE THAT YOU’RE STUPID AND MOVE ON?!

6Jada: “He just asked for a date with your mother.  Why did that Drew guy pop out of your yard on his way to the date site?!”

Wrath: “Because he’s a stalker and a freak and a pervert, and he lives under our house in the place where my ghost father was conceived as a ghost.  Mmm, it reminds me of this joke about this one legged hooker-“

Jada: “No.”

7Drew: “I’ve been watching you for so long, Jealousy… I know everything about you, and I know you, and I know your feelings, and I’m so much better than the dead corpse you took back, so please…. love me again, Jealousy.”

Jealousy: “You are so pathetic and loserly, that it makes this date almost fun just to watch you grovel.  I don’t get much groveling anymore since my daughter took over, so it’s nice.  Haha, the answer’s still no, Drew.”

8Jealousy: “WHOA.  Drew became so distraught over my rejection, that he turned into a mutt.  I really do have some powerful black magic.”

Cairo: “No, he just fled off the lot in his rejection, and I’m just taking his place for him.  So…. come here often, baby?”

9DREW decided that WHILE he was on his date with Jealousy, he’s going to ask for a DATE WITH MARLENA.

CAN YOU NOT BE ANYMORE OF A SLEAZE, DREW?!

10Jealousy: “OH, I see how it is.  I also see I should have killed you off when I had the chance.”

Drew: “I’ll show you!  I’ll show you ALL, that you don’t turn Drew Vidal down!!”

11Marlena: “So you took an off-duty elderly cop on a date on the run down crime building on the far side of town?  No, this isn’t creepy at all, Drew.”

12Drew: “So there!  I’m dating both you at the same time!  Jealousy, you can’t reject me now that I’m chilling with this hot MILF! Who still LOOKS like a MILF! Doesn’t it make you… jealous? ;)”

Who wants to poke Drew’s eyes out with hot fire pokers?  I know I do.

13Marlena: “NOW YOU HOLD ON ONE DIDDLY DARN MOMENT.  You’re trying to date me to get someone else jealous, someone you’ve been bothering and poking to be in a relationship with you for a while now?!  That’s so LOWBROW and DISGUSTING, DREW!”

Drew: “Whoa, what’s your problem with it?”

14Marlena: “Me and Jealousy may not see eye-to-eye, but she is better than that!  She is NOT some harem girl of yours that you can woo by making her feel inferior to someone else because you’d rather hang out with someone else, someone I’d say even hotter, than her!  She is a person, darn it, but you are coming off as such a horrible little pig!”

Drew: “Yeah, like why do you care?!  You’re married to a hot superstar and you still agreed to come be out with me!  We’re one of a feather, Marlena!”

15Marlena: “No!  This isn’t about me!  My husband goes off and makes his paycheck being hot to ladies, and singing them love songs for cash, so I’m fine with just hanging out with hot guys in my own time!  Hot guys that ain’t getting with this jelly anyway!  So we are NOT the same, and we are from totally different worlds!  You are a sleaze ball, and I hope Jealousy soon blocks your number on her phone, because she doesn’t need a jerk like you in her life!”

16Drew: “FINE, I’ll find some chick that DOES want to make Jealousy jealous of them!  Smell you later, you old hag.”

Marlena: “Whatever, jerk.”

May I say, that was actually pretty damn noble of Marlena.  Maybe she doesn’t suck as bad as I thought.

17Jealousy: “And then, my husband, drawing his last, dying breath, cursed my name, but it’s ok because I was eating soup at the time.”

Look at Jealousy, Drew.  Like she really gives a shit about you.

18Jealousy’s son lost his baby mama/ex-aunt to an even younger kid, so I can only imagine the heartbreak he’s really going through

19Anger: “Naaah, I found another cougar interested in my booty.  I ain’t running out of game yet!”

Apparently he’s moved on to another one of his ex-aunts.  I think he has a fetish.

20I moved back and forth between wooing Cynthia or leaving her alone with her current family.  After a little make over, I think eventually she won me out, she’s just too precious.  I don’t mind that she has two kids already, she’s just perfect for Peace!

Cynthia: “Haha, it’s three children now.  I gots a bun in the oven!”

AAAwwwwwgh

21What a little DOLL BABY ;0;

22I took some time in between to swap the color palette of the house.  Eh.

Looking forward to this pea soup green like I am?

23Upstairs is just pea.  I mean pee.

24Wrath: “I’m plotting to have my wedding tomorrow.  The house must be spic and span, Betel!”

Betel: “No problem, I just finally finished throwing out the last of your chopped up father’s body.  Here’s a tip for you, Wrath.  Always throw away the parts in separate bags in separate trash days.  The garbage men get suspicious if a whole body shaped bag is floating around in the can.”

UM…

25Wrath: “Why did God create men?  Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn.”

Edgardo: “Uh, yeah they do.  OH, you mean like the LITERAL yard.  Why is my daughter telling me this stuff again?”

At least she wants to bond with you, Edgardo, deal with it.

26Oh good.  Marlena has found Eunice’s hidden rocking chair.

Marlena: “This is where I want them to find my mummy.”

YOU ARE BECOMING POOP AGAIN, MARLENA

27Peace mastered his sculpture awfully quick, so he moved onto invention.

A shower was ALSO moved in next to his little room.  I don’t need premature death on his end right now.

28Wrath: “Well if he gets a shower, it’s only fair that I get to splurge too and get a hot tub, amirite?!”

Jealousy: “Nah, bed time.”

Wrath: “You know what’s the difference between three penises and a joke?  Your mom can’t take a joke.”

Jealousy: “You can sleep in the hot tub tonight.”

29Peace: “Alright rookie, just watch carefully.  Just a slow swish and flick motion.  Like magic!  Haha.  Dang, I love Harry Potter.”

Hans: “I don’t know what to think.  Other than I’m supposed to be doing this job, not you!”

30Hans: “Thanks for taking my business!  You jerk, they hired ME, not you!”

31Jealousy: “Alright, brat.  Why the hell did you rope me into going to the club with you?”

Wrath: “I’m going to make it the place where Jada marries me, and I need a witness!  Sorry to surprise you on this!  But I think Jada’s going to be surprised too!  She doesn’t know yet!”

Jealousy: “A surprise wedding at a night club?  That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard!  I look forward to seeing this train wreck!”

32Jealousy: “Oh hell.  Don’t tell me you invited him along too?!  You dumbass.  Both of you.”

Wrath: “I swear, I didn’t invite him here!  I think he jumped in our trunk when we left the house, though.”

Drew: “Plz take me back”

GO AWAY DREW

33Wrath: “Alright, missing countertops, playboy bunnies swimming in the tank… this is going to be the best damn surprise wedding ever!”

Playboy bunny: *glub*

34Wrath: “And there she is, my clueless little bride…”

Alberto: “You mean you invited me to a wedding and didn’t tell me it was going to be party casual?!  I had to dig out this stupid monkey suit for this!  Thanks for making me look dumb as hell, Wrath!”

35Brave: “Surprise, bruh!  I’m the proprietor of the lot!  This is also my house!”

That might explain why I don’t ever see Happiness doing shows here anymore.  That would be weird I suppose.

37Happiness’ wasn’t invited to the wedding (due to them not caring for him anyway), and he has to do a show at the coffee house for one graduate.

Guy: “I actually graduated a year ago!  I’m still chill with the Seniors at my school though.”

36Without Happiness, there was no music, and without music, I forced Peace to follow and be the party DJ.

Peace: “Let’s see, for a wild wedding club party, I bet we could use some Sounds of Zen in here.”

We’re trying to wire up the guests, Peace.  Not lull them into naptime.

38Wrath: “Having fun tonight sweetie?!”

Jada: “I just want to bite the DJ on the FACE for ruining this club!”

Peace: “My my, you are a fussy lady tonight!  Might I suggest playin’ some Tibetan woodwind sounds up in the HOUSE?!”

39Wrath: “-for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, why did the prostitute cross the road, until death do us part…”

Jada: “Whoa whoa whoa, what the hell are you doing?  Are you… reading me wedding vows?”

Wrath: “You gonna take the ring or not, or at the very least, answer my joke, Jada.”

40Jada: “Uuuuh, no??  I’m not getting married on the dance floor of no third class club, Wrath.”

Wrath: “What?”

41Wrath: “So… you don’t want to marry me?!”

Jada: “Maybe one day, yeah.  But here in a club?!  Are you stupid?”

42Peace: “HAH, you’re sudden wedding plans didn’t work out so well, did they, Wrath?!  Oh I shouldn’t find this as hilarious as I do!”

Anger: “Oh shit, mom’s going to be so mad at this… she’s going to hit me for it, I just know it.”

43Peace: “Well I brought this rice, I might as well go ahead and use it.”

Anger: “Wrath’s heartbreak and Peace’s inappropriate rice throwing does make this party pretty damn good, even though I’m going to get punched over this anyway!”

44Wrath: “Oh man, my heart, my HEART”

Jada: “Um, I think that’s your stomach, Wrath.”

45Wrath: “What’s long hard and in my bed?  Not me obviously!”

Jada: “Oh, DON’T you go back to that mess now!  There is NO way I’m marrying you in no club, and NO way I’m marrying you just for some BOOTY!  You’re CRAZY!”

46Wrath: “MY HEART IS BREAKING”

Jada: “THAT’S YOUR BLADDER ON MY SHOES, OH MY GOD, I’M LEAVING”

47Peace: “It seems like this wedding has gone to heck in a handbasket, should we get out of here before it hits the fan?  I’d hate for a pregnant women to get wrongly mixed up in this mess.”

Cynthia: “Yeah, let’s go, it doesn’t feel safe here anymore.”

48Jealousy: “And with the heartbreak of my daughter, I now have a new victim I shall stuff into an underground tomb and starve to death in the honor of my family!”

Jada: “Stick me in any dirty hole, you old bat, and I’ll break your jaw.”

49Cynthia: “Thanks for walking me home, Peace.  I don’t know why I even went to a club, I’m too pregnant for that stuff.”

Peace: “Aw, look at her.  She’s so pretty and she’s just glowing tonight.  I don’t know why, but I feel so much for her…”

Yep, it’s love.

50Cynthia: “You know what’s weird?!  My husband isn’t home!  I wonder if anyone was here to watch my kids tonight while I was out?!”

Peace: “Well I’d hate to leave you here tonight without anyone to help you!  That’s not right!  Do you want to go watch the stars with me while we wait for him to come back home?”

Cynthia: “Huh?  Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt I suppose…”

Briana and Betsy: “OMG!  Mom don’t be such a WHORE!  We’re only 2 and we can see that’s BLASPHEMOUS ADULTERY”

Good lord, you little shits.  They’re just going star watching.

51Peace: “Smoothness.”

Cynthia: “Um, Peace?  I have a husband, you know.”

52Peace: “And now you have my heart as well.”

Cynthia: “You are so silly and cheesy.  You’re going to be even more cheesy when my husband comes home and beats you into a puddle of butter.”

Peace: “Then let’s enjoy our time together before he comes back.”

So will Peace and Cynthia develop a budding romance?  Will her husband kill him instead?  Will Jada come around to Wrath’s shitty wedding plans, or is the friendship potion wearing off and Jada is realizing how much Wrath sucks?

53Peace: “Will you stop watching us while I’m chilling with my lady?”

Cynthia: “Who the hecky decky are you talking to?”

Peace: “Absolutely no one, my dear!”

Thanks, Peace.