Archive | April 2014

Bee Target

1Hey.  Liam.  You had your time in the sun with the ladies.  Now you have to shut the hell up, seriously.

2Peace: “Sorry my grandfather made a pass at you.  Now that his soul has been exorcised and stuffed away in my banshee banisher, let us continue to celebrate our wedding night.”

Cynthia: “I couldn’t be a more happier bride.”

3Marlena: “And to think, soon this union will grant me grandbabies.  I will be a happy grandmother, and when I get to heaven, I will tell my rocking chair all about them.  RIP chair.”

Cynthia: “Please, Marlena.  We aren’t going to ask you again, our room isn’t a place you can stand in until you die.”

She’s currently 112 days old.  That makes me nervous.

4Wh-

I ONLY WENT TO GO ANSWER THE PHONE FOR 2 MINUTES, WRATH

Wrath: “But… Why is a dead hooker like a paper shredder??”

NOW’S NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES, WRATH, YOU KILLED THE LEGACY

5Death: “Damn, didn’t think I’d be raking you in for another four decades or something.”

Wrath: “Then come back then, I got a case of violent bee potions that I never got around to using anyway.”

6Death: “Alright, here’s the deal.  Your foremothers on the other side are threatening to castrate me if I take you before your time.  So I’ll give you another shot.  Or as many shots as it takes to please your mother and grandmother.  I don’t want to lose my little reaper.”

Wrath: “Great to do business with you.  I know it would be a real shame if you were to lose your boner over this.  Get it.  Because you’re made of bones.”

Peace: “No, please, Death.  Take her, we can’t take any more puns, I’m begging you!”

I totally forgot Wrath was unlucky.  I don’t understand why Wrath coming back is SUPPOSED to be unlucky, because I feel like the luckiest damn player in the world right now.

7Peace: “Now it’s my turn to die”

No Peace, you will stay dead, and have to still use the shower, ok?

8Wrath: “Did you know I had our baby?  It looks so much better than your shitty work uniform.”

Jada: “Of course she does, look at me, our babies are all gonna be the best looking bitches in the world.”

9Jada: “By the way, you can hear her screaming now.  Listen to that ear piercing wail and everyone in the house suffering.  She makes me proud already.”

Wrath: “Gasp!  How did Helen Keller burn her fingers?  She tried to read the toaster.”

10Cruelty: “I’M STILL IN THIS UGLY AS HELL CRIB, BURN IT”

11Cynthia: “Guess who’s going to be a big sister again, Betsy?”

Betsy: “Not me, after that trauma I witnessed the other day in the kitchen, I don’t want anything to do with any more children in this house, mother.”

12To add onto the baby roster in this house, Jada and Wrath wrecked the tree house again.

Briana: “I’M STILL IN HERE, WHAT THE HELL”

Jada: “Shut up, peon.  Here, you can hold my bra.”

13Mephistopheles: “Alright, now that Ophaniel is gone, here’s how we are going to divide the food bowl from now on.  This side is my half, it’s always been my half.  And this side is now also going to be my half.”

Baal: “If I’m quick, I might be able to trip someone up carrying waffles and actually get some food for once…”

14Peace: “It took me days to find where they hid you, Julian!  And this is where you’ve been sleeping?!  This is horrifying, I can’t hold my bladder in!”

Julian: “You think you couldn’t hold yours?  Check the inside of this box I’ve been camped out in.”

Good, now both of you can get out of here.

15THIS ISN’T WHERE I WANTED HIM TO END UP AT.

Marlena: “Wrath put me in this closet days ago, and everything was fine, but why do I now have to share it with Cynthia’s baby?  He’s upset and it’s upsetting me…”

THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, DUMBASS

16Wrath: “What has two legs and bleeds a lot?  Half a cat.”

Marlena: “Do you really think that joke is appropriate to tell when Mephistopheles is in the room?  Really uncouth, Wrath.”

Wrath: “DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE”

17Marlena: “THIS ISN’T KIND, I AM TOO OLD FOR THIS KIND OF ABUSE!”

Wrath: “And I’m too young to lose my hearing to your stupid screeching, Marlena.  Get stung with a lot less screaming, will you?!”

18Meanwhile, Cruelty had a birthday, and really is cruel to me.  She is a CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEEEEE

Jada: “Wow, really wow, k thanks wrath, way to waste my genes.”

She will now be barred from inheritance unless she gets an evil trait.

19Wrath: “Two Wraths in the house now?  No, not cool at all.  What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller?  A baby with a cheese grater.”

Don’t give Cruelty a cheese grater.

20Wrath: *Goes to put Cruelty in the corner with a cheese grater*

Briana: “Oh time for celebration!  Well, not for the baby thing.  Maybe the baby thing.  I’m tired of the children screaming.”

21Happiness: “Hahahah!  It’s funny because no one cares.”

What a wonderful step-granddaddy.

22Wrath: “My gift to you is this rocket ship, child.  Take it, drive off on it, and go away forever.  Don’t come back.”

Cruelty: “The more away I am from Marlena would be a good idea.”

Wrath: “Yeah, I’ll deal with her for a second.”

23Wrath: “~When the dog bites, when the bee stings, these are some of my favorite things~”

Marlena: “GO CALL 911, BAAL, HELP ME”

Baal: “Wow, you are right, Wrath, this is the best thing I’ve seen all day!”

24Wrath: “Back in the house, huh?!  Well, behold, Cruelty!  A sight that will surely have you shaken in your boots!”

25Wrath: “Behold, your replacement!”

Cruelty: “Yawn, fat Wrath isn’t something I haven’t seen before.  Off to barf on the other kid’s toys, later bitch.”

26Peace: “Check it out, Cynthia!  I have created the sun!  Just for our new child because she will be the new light in our lives!”

Cynthia: “Well, I’m about to go make a pie.  Just for our new child because I’m quite sure that’s going to benefit her more than your particle accelerator accident there.”

Peace: “Oh…”

27Happiness: “I guess my reign of musical superstardom is over… Whether or not it ever really begun is a good question though.”

You get paid about $2000 to sing to an empty room.  Don’t complain.

whereI didn’t even know that was wishable…

Wrath: “Oh shit yeah, you know it is.  Best damn cuisine on the planet.  Coincidentally, also the same flavor of the bean that I ate that killed me.  Yum yum yum.  Better get on that shit now though.”

28Wrath: “Time to make an asston of other shit to learn spaghetti!  Got my plate, check, my trusty face-smashing pot, check, shitty joke book, check, now just some honey to make the sauce extra sweet… hmmm, honey…”

29Marlena: “DO I LOOK LIKE A BEE HIVE, WRATH”

Wrath: “Tbh, you kinda do.”

Jada: “I haven’t seen a mirror in so long :(”

30Yes, good, now you can get out of Cruelty’s room, and she can finally have it for herself, you little shit.

Julian: “But I don’t want to give up what I thought was mine!  I gave up my pants for this, but not the room!”

31Briana: “No problem, you don’t have to give the room up, just sleep in it anyway, who’s going to stop you?!  Here, I’ll show you!”

Peace: “Please, Briana!  Be reasonable…”

Briana: “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD”

32Cynthia: “Oh, what kind of mother am I?  I can’t even control my rebellious children!  My youngest daughter now has a face tattoo, where did I go wrong?!”

Betsy: “Actually, this is my pet fly, Rodrigo.  He’s my only friend here.”

33Cynthia: “Betsy, please get your pet Rodrigo out of the kitchen, that’s unsanitar-GRAAWWGH, MY BABY, SHE BE HERE IN A SECOND”

Wrath: “Uh, no, I don’t think so.  You will not go anywhere until you get these dishes cleaned up.  We aren’t bringing your damn baby into this world and sacrificing her to Cruelty until you get that carbonara dish in the sink.”

Cynthia: “NOT EVERYONE IS CONCERNED WITH THE DISHES LIKE YOU ARE IN MOMENTS LIKE THIS, WRATH”

Wrath: “Then don’t bitch about what’s unsanitary, Cynthia, shit.”

34Betsy: “I DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE MY OWN MOTHER THIS TIME, HELP US BIRD JESUS”

Wrath: “Eh, you see one, you see them all.  You freaks are overreacting.  An American, a Canadian, and a Mexican are standing on a cliffside…”

Cynthia: “Ugh, just go get me the car keys, Wrath!”

35Kindness: “Alright Cynthia!  I’m here, so now we can deliver your precious baby!”

Cynthia: “Wow, I thought Wrath was telling us a horrible joke about how you are the town’s obstetrician.  So, it’s true?!”

Wrath: “Why would I even joke about that, Cynthia?!  That is some serious serious shit that even I wouldn’t screw around with!  Also, why the hell am I here for this??”

36And tada, our first baby for the good line for the fourth gen!  This is baby Serenity, who is athletic and easily impressed.  Favorites include R&B, spaggetti with veggie sauce (is food-favorite vegetarianism inherited or something?  I feel like there are a lot more veggie munchers in this line than I expected), and the color of sea foam.  And she’s green skinned.  I expect good things from this one.

Wrath: “Bla bla bla, you expected good shit from Cruelty too, and for some reason, physics won’t let me set her down in the trash can.  Can I go home now?  I still don’t even have a clue why I even tagged along!”

37Peace didn’t show up for the birth of his first job, but I’ll pretend Peace was busy turning Jealousy’s and Edgardo’s old room into Serenity’s new nursery.

He was really trying to learn to paint in the backyard, but it’s the thought that counts.

38Peace: “I know I really haven’t worked in a few weeks now, but I think it’s time I moved on in my life from ghost busting.  I’ve wanted to quit ever since my daughter was born, and I want to spend more time with my baby.  Good luck with the eternal haunting and possessions, I’m outtie.”

Cynthia: “Jeez, Peace.  When you built the nursery, were you trying to go for modern hospital waiting room or what?”

39Peace: “My baby girl is beautiful.  We are going to spend every waking hour together, sweetheart.  I will not stop rolling snuggle wants for my baby.  I don’t think I can stop.  That’s chill with me though!”

Someone’s going to be a great daddy.

40Marlena: “WHAT ABOUT THE RESTRAINING ORDER, WRATH”

Wrath: “Dear Bee God.  Smite Cynthia and her uber crazy stupidity for wasting kitchen space on the floor while you’re ruining Marlena’s life.  Amen.”

41Cruelty: “Here’s the deal, shit-for-brains.  I will stop the screeching and let you sleep if you swear to serve me and obey my every command.”

Betsy: “That’s not even right!  This isn’t your room, Cruelty!”

42Cruelty: “I’M ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL.”

Betsy: “I just wanted a nap before we have to go to school tomorrow.”

Julian: “Throw a heavy quilt on it.  Maybe it’ll get confused, think it’s nighttime and go back to sleep.”

43Briana: “So… you’re the new baby mother is replacing us with and starting her new family with.  I don’t see all that much that’s special about you.  But you seem corruptible enough.”

44Peace: “Ah, meeting your new baby sister, I see?  Does your mother know you’re up here handling the baby?”

Briana: “What, now I have to have permission to hold the brat?!  What, me and the others and my dad not good enough for mom to let us hold the baby?  Screw you, Peace!  I was considering NOT dropping her into the laundry chute but after you said that, I think I just changed my mind!”

Peace: “I… I didn’t really insinuate that at all, we were just trying to find her to feed her…”

45Marlena: “I love being a grandmother, it’s such an exhilarating feeling!  It’s so nice to hold my new grandbaby, and just stand with her for no reason at all.”

Cruelty: “THIS WOMAN IS MORE EVIL THAN I AM”

Betsy: “You do know that’s not your grandchild… oh why do I bother, I think this woman is deaf.”

Julian: *Too busy deleting that crib, oh please get that damn child to her room already*

46Marlena: “You know, I’m so numb and doped up on bee venom that I don’t really feel their stings anymore.”

Wrath: “WELL THAT’S NO FUN”

Briana: “I still get a kick out of the old woman swelling up in the face every time she gets a face full of hive.”

I’m actually at that point where I just use Wrath throwing potions at Marlena to find where she is in the house.  With 14 sims, she no longer shows up on the icon bar, and scrolling through just skips from Jada straight to Mephistopheles.  It’s like the game already thinks she’s dead.   I wish.

47Peace: “I’ve come to drop off my child’s IF, but I noticed that there are so many buggy items in this dump, that I have offered to clear some of them out!  This might be a ton of fun!”

48Peace: “Pop!  Haha, woo!  Who knew recycling would be this much fun!”

49Peace: “Goodbye, my beloved PS3.  The next generation in gaming is here, and I believe it’s time to part ways, good friend.”

Playstation 3: “How is blowing us up with a hand grenade supposed to be merciful?!”

50Peace: “Whoaaaaa, maybe I packed too much of a punch in that one.  There’s no way a pair of PS3’s have that much explosion power.”

I wouldn’t be shocked.

51Marlena: “I wonder when Peace will be home.  So he can snuggle and take care of his screaming baby, and I can go back to standing in the hallway quietly.”

I don’t know, but it would be nice if you were actually a decent member of this family and did something to help yourself, Marlena.

52Explosion: *Kicks into nuclear overdrive*

Brent: “Maybe we shouldn’t play ball next to the End of the World?”

Stephanie: “Just shut up and throw the ball already.”

53Satan?  Is that you?

Peace: *Ascends to the 4th deminsion*

54Amon: “Wow, we really are in hell now.  As if the past 30 years in a trash dump wasn’t bad enough, it’s become the 6th circle of hell.”

Metatron: “Eh, it’s not so bad after that cold winter we were stuck in the past couple months.”

55Peace: “Do you think she’ll still love me even though I no longer have any nipples, Cynthia?”

Cynthia: “Why should the baby care if you don’t have your nipples, Peace?!  Just, don’t show it to her and you won’t traumatize her or anything.  Now go clean up.  You smell like burnt video game consoles.”

56Wrath: “What do you mean, you don’t get the joke, it’s a great joke, Cruelty!  See, the penguin looks like it gave a blowjob to a seal and… you know what?!  Forget it, you are too stupid to even comprehend my genius.  Just get out of my way and let me out… GET OUT OF MY WAY, CRUELTY!”

Jada: “SHOULDN’T YOU BE MORE CONCERNED WITH WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU, WRATH?!  YOU BUSTED UTERUS JUICE ALL OVER THE FLOOR, AND I JUST BOUGHT THESE SHOES!”

57Cruelty: “Sitting in the water is totally worth ruining your ability to move anywhere.  I must say, this is my crowning acheivement!”

Why do you got to be so weird.

58Wrath: “I just wanted to fart, is that so hard to do?  Do I really have to struggle with it just because there’s a baby in my way?!”

Jada: “Shouldn’t you be more concerned with the baby jamming out of your vagina?  By the way, your toddler has dragged me into her black hole of route failure!  I just wanted to leave and no longer care about the situation, is that too hard to ask?”

59Wrath: “She finally crawled away and left the room!  Huzzah!  Boogie with me, Jada!”

Jada: “If I snuck out of the house in the dead of night when she isn’t watching me, do you think she would notice me gone by the time I’ve escaped to Cuba?”

60Wrath: “Look what I found on the floor between my legs!  I will call this one Agony, after that painful moment I went through to get her.  You know, where fucking Cruelty wouldn’t get out of my damn way!  Hmmm… she smells like she’s friendly and easily impressed.  Well, I’m NOT impressed so far with you,  Agony.  You’re sleeping on the porch tonight with traits like that until you learn better!”

Jada: “Actually, Cuba isn’t really “in” according to Travel magazine.  Bora Bora sounds cool.  And really far away.  I like that.”

Agony also likes R&B, Ratatouille, and the color Aqua.  Not really evil material so far, but then again, she’s got time to grow on me.

praISE

But we leave this chapter on a good note!  And it’s the best note in a long time!  Good riddance, Kindness!  May I never ever have to be reminded of you ever again!

 

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Jingles

Alright, now that Island Paradise has been introduced to my computer, we can finally go back to the legacies at hand.  Last time we were here, Peace and Cynthia got engaged, and Jealousy died in the nursery.  Everyone grieved.  Edgardo followed his wife to hell, but no one really noticed he left.

Since then, I have been dicking around with ideas with my friend Hannah, and decided to add some new sims to the town roster…

0000This new family involves a trio of sims thrown together for entertainment.  They come from Florida, and bring with them their own unique flavor.

000Meet Florida man, a heinous genetic experiment that escaped from a lab in 1982, and lived as a bank teller for 16 years until he robbed the same bank with some thumbtacks and a potato launcher.  He escaped with some fellow Floridians to live a new life in Hidden Springs.

00His accomplice, a fellow Florida man, is actually a woman, whom had changed her name to her friend’s name when filing some forms for the Witness Protection Program.  Her friend, angry that she changed her name to the same name he picked out, knocked off her nose with a spatula.  They made up, and even ended up having a son together.

0Florida man, the next generation in a family of Florida men, was conceived in the bathroom of a MLP convention on a one night stand between friends.  He loves sleeping in his Spiderman jammies that he’s had since he was 7, and he believes that there haven’t been any consoles invented since the Nintendo Gamecube.

They have been added to town and hope to incorporate their genetic diversity into the lineage of other families.

1Anyway, back to the Fallens, who I had about forgotten.

Marlena: “It’s such a shame you had to go!  We will never meet again in this world, and never in the next, as you are most definetely in heck.  I will keep this seat warm in your memory.”

I see why I about forgotten it.

2Here is a picture of Baal.  Baal doesn’t do much of anything.  He sleeps all day.

Later, Baal.

3Jada: “Hey, why the hell is the tub broken and the toilet clogged?  What the shit have you been doing in here?”

Wrath: “Makin’ yo babies, that’s what I’m doing in here!”

4Wrath: “How many dead babies does it take to unclog a toilet?  Depends on how many you pull out of the sewage pipe.”

Jada: “I thought I was supposed to be the baby maker in the family.  What gives?”

Well, apparently you are either sterile, too old, or your uterus is too violent and evil for babies to be made, Jada.  Because no matter how much woohoo you got, you never got an egg drop.  Not even forcing a baby in there worked.  But Wrath concieved first go so go stand in the corner and wait until I need your genes again, Jada.

Jada: “This is some Master Bullshit.”

5Cynthia: “I love spending time with my kids.  They are so sweet, and clean.”

Betsy: “What about the times we are screaming, sad, and stinky, mommy?”

Cynthia: “Well…”

6She does this whenever she’s not in the nursery.

Cynthia: “Both of the tots were screaming, and I couldn’t think straight so I came out here to do some yoga and clear my mind…”

And… what about the kids?!

7Peace: “The children are going to love my newest toy invention, the metal rock with the blinding light coming out of it!  I should sell this stuff for money!”

Your works are marvels to behold, I’m sure.

8Briana: “I’m so exhausted, and I thought rocking in the rocking chair would help, but all it does is make my back stiff!  How can anyone sleep sitting up like this?!  Come back to me, sleep!  I need you!”

Marlena: “Woooow, none of my concern, little girl!  Now you need to get out of my way, and let me have my chair back, ok?!”

NEITHER OF YOU SHOULD BE IN HERE.

9Betsy: “I’D LIKE MY DIAPER CHANGED AND I’M GETTING A LITTLE LONELY, BUT THERE’S NOTHING MORE I’D RATHER DO THAN PLAY WITH THIS DOG PEACE GAVE ME 😀 I WON’T LET ANYONE PICK ME UP BECAUSE OF HOW GREAT THIS DOG IS”

Jada: “Why did Jealousy have to leave us?!  She was going to get rid of you, and then she didn’t do it!  I miss her so much.”

Ophaniel: “Jealousy is gone?  Is she ever coming back?”

10Repo: “Jealousy is gone forever, dog.  Along with some of your stuff.  Except for that broken, busted tv.  You guys can keep that piece of shit.”

Ophaniel: “I don’t understand…”

11Repo: “I will, however, take this tv up here!”

Wrath offscreen: “But I was maybe going to watch that one day :(”

12Repo: “Also, I’m going to take this moonstone that you found and obviously wasn’t paying any bills on!  I just want it for myself.”

Wrath: “OOOOGH, If I weren’t so pregnant, I would come up there and give you a piece of my foot in your ass!”

13Jada: “Jealousy wasn’t pregnant, she would have easily given you that foot piece…”

Repo: “Wow, you barely knew the crazy bitch.  Stop being such a baby about it, lady.”

14Julian: “She’s also taking the alligator toys!  Stop her!  That alligator was my best friend!”

Allie Gatore: “May we meet again in another life, my comrade.”

15Only after taking another cheap toy from the children did she realize that the screaming and misery that was present in the room was too much to bear, and she barely escaped with her life.

Repo: “The screeching!  My hearing will never be the same!”

16Ophaniel: “Well, she didn’t take anything of any real importance!  We should celebrate!”

Death: “I’m gonna celebrate, I have a new soul for my collection!”

Ophaniel: “Oh?  Who’s soul is it?”

17Death: “Wow that kid has a pair of lungs on her.  You can hear her through the wall.  You guys know you have a screaming kid, right?”

I’m pretty sure they are aware of it.

18Baal: “First Jealousy, and now Ophaniel?!  I can’t take anymore heart break!  I’m literally falling apart here!”

Briana: “Hold it together, Baal!  Literally.  You’re doing that stupid pet thing again.”

19Ophaniel: “Watch over the family and protect them for me, Mephistopheles, my friend.”

Mephistopheles: “I would never do such a thing.  But I promise to remember you and feel sad for you for a short time, as you were my only real accomplice in this place.  RIP, dog.”

20Death: “Wow this house is a nasty dog pen.  Do you even have a washing machine in this place?!”

Peace: “No, why do people keep thinking that we do?!  My goodness, we don’t even have a hamper, Death!”

Get your ass up, Jada.  It’s not that hard to go to bed with the kids screaming.

21The next day, Peace and Cynthia got around to having their wedding, and they took it over to the Fallen’s newest lot: the Wedding Park!  It was started by Happiness and Jealousy back when she was around, and when it was built, Jealousy despised the choices Happiness made to the park.  So she built onto the adjacent land, and made a more preferable side of the park for her and her family.

22Look, the extra family members already know which side they probably should be on.

Anger: “I saw Kindness was already over there, you don’t expect me to cross this fence for that, do you?!”

Good point there.

23Wrath: “WAIT!  YOU’RE my cousin’s bride?!  But you’re so GREEN!  Does this mean you are an alien?!  Do you come in peace?!”

24Cynthia: “Well, if he ever wants to have children with me, Peace should probably come in me.  Heh.  Heheh.  That was terrible, why did I say that.”

Jada: “Oh no, the horrible jokes are contagious and are spreading from person to person…”

25Wrath: “First rule if you want to marry into our family: THE JOKE THING IS MINE AND YOU CAN’T DO IT.  TELL ANOTHER JOKE WITHOUT MY THROUGH PERMISSION AND EXPECT THE ASSBEATING OF A LIFETIME.”

Cynthia: “What the pufferfish, it was just a silly little pun-”

Wrath: “THAT COULD HAVE BEEN MY PUN”

26Peace was late to his own wedding, and even after he finally arrived, he didn’t make it any better on himself.

Girl: “This is a wedding?”

Brave: *Actually trying to form an actual thought for once since school*

27Briana: “I thought I was invited to go to mommy’s wedding!  I know I hate the guy, but anything is better than staying here with Boohoo Betsy!”

Marlena: “I know!  I thought I was going to go too, I even made it downstairs and out of my chair for the first time in years for this, and no one is here to take me to the party!  Why do I get gypped like this every time there’s a party in the family?”

Baal: “I wanted to go to this party too…”

YOU LOSERS WERE ALL INVITED!  YOU IDIOTS DIDN’T EVEN BOTHER TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE OUTING MESSAGE AND NOW YOU ARE STUCK HOME, STAY HOME I HATE ALL OF YOU ANYWAY.

28Betsy: “Well, I’m going to the party *stands up*.  I’m walking out of here!  Later, guys!”

Marlena: “Betsy, sit your butt back down before you hurt your little baby laffy taffy legs.”

29Peace: “Shall we get married, love?”

Cynthia: “What is wrong with you?!  We can’t get married right now, I am still in grieving!  Ophaniel died yesterday, Peace, can’t you honor his death with remembrance and not do this to us right now?!”

Peace: “Wha… we are all grieving, Cynthia, you can’t let the dog’s death ruin our wedding day!!”

30Peace: “You’re suffering too much for your own wedding, but you’ll dance with a half naked vampire, wow Cynthia, you’re really heartbroken over there.”

Just get the moodlet manager out.

31Jada: “Now that the party is actually over, and everyone has gone home, the wedding can actually begin.”

Jaime: “Actually, I stayed behind, I’d never miss my friend’s son’s wedding for anything in the world.”

Jada: “I see pants didn’t stop you from coming here today as well.”

The curse of the wedding ruining cellphone ring apparently won’t call it quits either.

32Peace: “I’m finally getting married!  SOB, THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE, I CAN’T HOLD MY FEELINGS”

Phone: ♪ Never gonna give you up ♪

Jaime: “Did I say I wouldn’t miss this party for the world?  I meant, great party, I better leave before his tears flood the park.”

33Peace: “I love you more than the world itself, Cynthia.  I even love you more than that Egret girl down the road from us.  Mmm, Egret.  She’s pretty darn cute, you have to admit.”

Jada: “What the shit, she’s not even around here, she didn’t even CALL you, why are you talking about Egret right now, you dumb shit!”

34Peace: “Now that we are beloved husband and wife: WAAAAAAAAAAH, COUGH, SNORT, OPHANIEL WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO”

Cynthia: “See, this is exactly why I didn’t want to do this while we were grieving.  Look at you, Peace.  You’re a snotty mess.”

Wrath: “And that’s what makes this party good.”

36Now that Cynthia is in the family, let’s point out that she is, in fact, good, but she’s also a messy klepto.  She’s friendly though, and athletic.  She likes veggie burgers and indie music, and her favorite color is black.  I forgot her LTW as usual, like it matters.  She might already be in the correct job track for whatever it is, BUT I may be thinking of Marlena, who is, even though there’s no way in hell Marlena’s gonna make that.

37Peace: “Baal, Mephistopheles, we are home, BUT WITHOUT OPHANIEL, IS OUR HAPPY MARRIAGE REALLY HAPPY BAWWWL”

Cynthia: “If you don’t stop your boohooing on my happy day, I’m going to knock your lights out, I don’t care if you are my new husband or not.”

38Time to see what gifts were stuffed into the mail box for the happy couple.

Happiness: “This was a gift from Sarah to the most amazing couple in the world, who managed to stick it out even through the most impossible odds.  I want you to have this and be inspired to have a marriage as good as theirs.”

39Yes, because Bella and Pat had a marriage that Peace and Cynthia should really have as well.  We all know how good they had it.

Happiness actually ended up sending them two gifts through their own mailbox.  The second gift was a fireman pole.

40Happiness: “Yes, well, the pole is for the wifey 😉 you’re gonna really enjoy watching her go down that pole, you know, for emergencies.  Also, install it in the hallway, ahem, for the others to watch, er, use.  Love, your father.”

41Anger on the otherhand, apparently went all out, and it scares me a little.

Anger: “No fucking way I get outdone by anyone for the coolest wedding gifts.  Here’s a whole damn fighter jet, for you to smite your enemies.  Fucking use it.  Use it on Kindness.  He calls me again to “just talk” and I’ll strangle him myself.”

42Wow.  Ok.  Thanks for the unnecessary $75,000 gift.

I’d hate to see what he’d do at birthdays if they’d let him gift.

43Happiness: “Aww, the cat really does like me after all!  Peace, look!  Mephistopheles loves me so much!”

Even the mean cat cannot resist your charm, Happiness!

44Mephistopheles: “You, however, do not have charm.  Death be upon you, child.”

Betsy: “This is not how I wanted to make friends!”

Happiness: “Oh Ophaniel!  If only you can see how the cat actually likes me!” *tears of a rapper*

45Peace: “I don’t remember what the opportunity was for, but I did it.  May have been ghost related, I don’t know.  But I think the game is confused.  I’m not achieving the same achievement every 10 seconds.”

Back to the broken sound track bullshit.  Sigh.  Peace did an opportunity here, and upon completion, it played the jingle that plays whenever a sim finishes an opportunity.  And it kept playing it and playing it… It didn’t even really complete the opportunity for him.

Peace: “Betel would be so proud.”

*Jingle plays*

46Betsy: “OH GOODNESS NO, SOMEONE QUICK, CALL A DOCTOR! WRATH NEEDS HELP!”

Wrath: “I don’t need help, I need a sandwich.  I have never been so hungry in all my life.”

*Jingle plays*

47Betsy: “THAT’S NOT IT!  YOU’RE IN LABOUR, WRATH!”

Wrath: “So I’m not hungry?  That’s what that stomach pain is?  What did the prostitute say to the banana?”

Betsy: “JUST GO TO THE HOSPITAL!”

*Jingle plays, please stop, Peace*

48Wrath: “Whatever whatever.  Just let me wash this plate first.  Can’t go anywhere with all these dirty dishes all over the place.”

Betsy: “You know, I’m tired of wailing for this woman.  I think she’s just ignoring me.”

Wrath: “You just now realizing this?”

*Jingle fucking plays*

49Betsy: “Seriously, what the crumpet are you doing now?!”

Wrath: “I’m washing dishes, stupid!  Didn’t you hear me a minute ago?!  All dishes are being washed, I’m not wasting a sink full of water on one bowl.  Now go upstairs and get that plate near the upstairs bathroom.  It’s been there for days.”

JUST GO TO THE HOSPITAL ALREADY, WRATH.

*Jingugh*

50Wrath: “Hey look!  It’s the prostitute and the banana!  Wow, maybe I really should see a psychiatrist.”

Florida man: “Yeahhhh, I’m gonna get me some of that tonight!”

Florida man: “Well, you’re gonna have to wait until we get home for that, we can’t just go at it like rabbits right here in front of the hospital.”

Florida man: “You say that like we haven’t done it before!”

*The Seventh Trumpet of the Apocalypse*

51Wrath: “Wow… they are going at it like rabbits.  This is exactly how I imagined bringing my firstborn into the world.  Seriously, it is.”

Kindness: *Has gone blind from being a witness* “I didn’t need my sight anyway!  Now let’s go deliver that baby, Wrath!”

Wrath: “What”

*Mute*

52The first of Gen 4, this is Cruelty.  She is a couch potato and hates the outdoors for now.  She likes dark wave music, cobbler, and the color red.  So far she has promise.

*Mute*

53Because she loves such a pleasing, murderous color, she gets the honor of inheriting her grandmother’s bedroom, and the pleasure of having her crib replace that damn rocking chair.

Marlena: “THE CHAIR WILL ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE IN MY HEART, BOO HOO”

No one gives a crap, get lost, Marlena.

*Returned two days later to no more broken noises, thank Jesus*

54.5Wrath: “No way I’m walking upstairs for this baby.  It’s fine here.  Go Cruelty, and claim your status as Queen Matriarch over these other stupid kids.”

Betsy: “Looks like you lost your crib, little brother.”

Julian: “I always wondered what it would be like to live in the toybox anyway.”

54Wrap the chapter up, Cynthia.  Also, wrap up that leg.  That looks bad.

Cynthia: “It’s my evolution day!  I’m evolving into a crab woman!  Woo!  I’m also gonna regret it and go through a mid-life crisis, ok, bye.”

55And before we go, it is official.  Florida man is dating his own mother.  Could have had anyone in town but had to go for Chum Bucket here, that’s fine.

 

New EP!

Hi, I know I haven’t had a new post in a while, and it was mainly due to a bunch of crashes and bugs and anger that my legacies have been stagnant for the past month.  But do you know what’s nice when you finally get everything working right and on top again?

ADDING A NEW EP AND PRAYING EVERYTHING HOLDS TOGETHER

NEW EP EVERYONE 😀

Time for a certain test family to get in gear and try out the new waters in:

mmm

(Click the pic for some tropical fun!)