Archive | May 2014

The Vengeance of Betel

1The newest baby means that Cruelty’s nursery is expanded to accommodate Agony as well.  That means the second story deck is all but gone now, but it’s not like any of these idiots even knew it was there.

2In an attempt to maintain separation between the nurseries anyway, I tried out this little feature!  It didn’t work shit last generation when I first found it, but so far it’s good.  Keeping Marlena out of Cruelty’s nursery, and that’s how I want it.

3Too bad it can’t keep her from doing stuff I don’t want her doing anyway.

There’s NOTHING wrong with Cruelty, but Serenity’s lonely, stinky, and hungry, so why don’t you actually FOCUS ON THAT BABY, MARLENA

Marlena: “I love my grandbaby here.  That green kid needs to hush up now, it’s getting rediculous.”

THAT’S NOT YOUR GRANDBABY, DUMBASS

4Wrath: “For touching my spawn and hogging her up, that’s 15 bees, Marlena!”

Marlena: “THIS IS MORE THAN 15, WHY HEAVEN”

Happiness: “I’d do something, but bringing Cruelty in here when you should know better?  For shame, Marlena.”

5I get this a lot.  Dog dig piles and gems pop up in the backyard, but this is the first dig pile on the patio.

Baal: “I dug it up, and it was a snake skin.  Btw, that’s probably a $85 repair job for the patio.  Have fun with that.”

6Marlena: *Throws up after Briana*

Briana: “I knew I should have taken the stairs today.”

7Jada: “You aren’t mine.  No way in hell I’m ever going to claim you as my offspring.”

Cruelty: “I didn’t fucking ask.  I asked for a platter of mashed carrots, does that sound like an invitation of acceptance?  The hell it didn’t so make the food happen, loser.”

8Wrath: “How many morgue workers does it take to screw a lightbulb?  Who screws lightbulbs when you got all these bodies up in here?”

Cynthia: “I just wanted to go to the kitchen, why is there a waiting list at the pole?”

Marlena, what the hell are you doing now…

9Baal: “Just call the exorcist already.  Or the garbage men.  Someone needs to come take care of Marlena, at this point I don’t care who.”

10Marlena: “But I’m determined!  I’m going to climb up this pole if it’s the last thing I do!  And then, when I get up here, I’m going to complain about not being able to get into Cruelty’s and Agony’s nursery to COMPLAIN ABOUT THE NOISE THEY ARE MAKING”

DON’T YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER YOU COULD BE DOING

11Cynthia: “Marlena, we really could use the inheritance money you will leave behind when you die a lot more than we could use you.  I know that sounds kinda harsh, but really, truely, it’s just a fact.”

12Wrath: “Hogging up the pole for idiotic reasons, that’s 35 bees.”

Marlena: “It’s a good thing I’m indestructible.”

13Peace: “There’s just something about building your own time machine that’s just so diddly darn neat.”

That I can’t agree more.

14I’m pretty sure that I probably had this notification before, but I’m just now getting it.  I just recently started playing the Mass Effect games, so this really tickled my pickle.

15Peace: “I’m SORRY, EDI!  I didn’t know playing red hands with Joker was going to break his arms!”

Try the past next time, Peace.  Probably a little bit safer.

16Peace: “Saaaaay, I think a little Snuggle-Muffin is taking a shower in my emergency fire port.  Heh heh… I hope it’s Snuggle-Muffin.  That thing has gotten so nasty that I can’t tell if it’s Cynthia or someone else…”

17Peace: “Heeeeey… I think someone might want a little cuddle time with their honey boo!  Unless that’s you, Briana.  Uh, I can’t tell the difference between you two between all this grime.”

Cynthia: *Facepalm*

18Cynthia: “Oooh, someone wants some sexy time?  I think we should switch it up for fun, what do you think, Peace…”

Peace: “HUH, WHAT, WAIT”

19Peace: “THAT SHOULDN’T HAVE ANYTHING GOING IN THERE”

Cynthia: “Sometimes it’s really nice to just switch up the spice in our love lives, don’t you agree, love?! <3”

Peace: “WE SHOULD REALLY BUILD A CONSENSUS ON THIS BEFORE WE DO STUFF LIKE THIS, CYNTHIA”

20Jada, you didn’t even try.

Jada: “STFU, no care”

21Alright, I’m also getting really tired of this nastiness that’s been going on around the house lately.  There are too many sims and not enough help going around, so…

22We’re gonna bring Betel back.

Peace: “Look at this lollipop!  Yummy!  The wrapping paper said to not put it in my mouth because of some 900 year curse, but I can’t resist a sugary treat!”

Just summon the skeleton, Peace.

23Wrath: “What?!  Betel?!  I thought we fired you ages ago!”

Betel: “Yes, but this time I am back…”

24Betel: “WITH A VENGENCE”

Good, use that vengence to take care of the nasty mess down in the kitchen.  We’ve had it coming for quite some time now.

25Cynthia: “Look, I know it’s Serenity’s birthday, but I could be in bed right now, Peace!  I’m exhausted!  You are asking for a pass out over here!”

Wrath: “QUICK!  While the ugly little green one has left it vacant!  Take over the crib!  Chaos will ensue!  Why are dead babies so bad at driving?”

Could have sworn I locked this room too…

26Peace: “Two blondes make a black haired baby!  Genetic facts!”

I feel like I’m getting a lot of abnormalities this generation.

27*Sob-fest shit-storm*

Wrath: “You know what would make this room of clusterfuck even better?!  MY BIRTHDAY!  HAPPY VAGINA RELEASE DAY TO MEEEEE”

Peace: “Cynthia, you are right, we should have waited to do this until morning.”

28Betsy: “And it is my birthday too!”

Briana: “Sleep time now.”

29Peace: “Oh NO!  A rare double event!  And we were trying so hard too!”

Julian: “Go to the light, Briana!  Embrace the embrace of the Embrace of the almighty Cthulhu!”

Marlena: “WHOA.  That could have been me.  Darn.  It still could be me if I try really really hard though.”

Betsy: “Please don’t make this birthday worse than it already is, Marlena.”

31Peace: “Aw come on!  We’re already having a hard enough night tonight without YOU showing up dead, sister!”

Brave: *Apparently died at a nightclub or something*

32Liam: “Even I know that that zombie is about to meet a foul death at the hands of Wrath for eating up her garden.”

Jealousy: “At the hands of WRATH?!  Hell no, this was MY garden first, how DARE this fat zombie fuck even THINK ABOUT MUNCHING ON MY PLANTS!?”

So the zombie was killed and may his corpse never show up in this game ever again.

33Brave: “Yeah see, that’s why I’m not leaving this room.  I’m not that stupid.”

That’s good.  Because I’m not against killing you over a patch of wolfbane.

34Peace: “CAVEMAN NO MORE BIG TIME WARP ROCK!  CAVEMAN DO NOT BRAIN HURT THINGS NOW!  CAVEMAN LEAVE YEAR 34000 BC!”

35Peace: “Caveman find tranquility in the calming colors of chartreuse and lavender.”

He seems to be readapting to modern society well.

36Wrath: “40 bees for being a smartass about the punchline of my jokes.  Also, blocking the door.  And being Marlena.  50 more bees.”

Marlena: *Ascends in the hopes that she will never return*

37Agony: “Hello!  I am here to annoy the ever loving piss out of every one of you!”

Cruelty: “It’s already working.  Thanks for being another fucking clone, Agony.  That’s what we want.”

Actually, upon investigation, she has Jada’s mouth.  Of course, that really doesn’t change much of anything, considering it’s really a step back.  She’s more or less a clone of Jealousy now.

38Jada: “You are here to take Cruelty and Agony away, correct?”

Cynthia: “Actually, he’s here for the cat.  Which really is a shame.  Marlena really needs to free some space up in here…”

Wrath: “That I couldn’t agree more with.”

39Mephistopheles: “But there is nothing wrong with me!  Unhand me, cretin, lest I inform my father of this mistreatment!”

Death: “Dude, it’s your time to go.  Also, feel this.  This is a crushed intestinal tract.  You were hit by a dump truck last week, and you really thought you could hide that from me for long?  Let’s go, there is a kitty paradise waiting on the other side for you.”

Mephistopheles: “You mean I still have to go back in THIS CAT FORM?!  Oh, it really is gonna be hell, isn’t it…”

40RIP Mephistopheles.  You were pretty cool, you loved to bully children, and you are the only reason I now know how to spell Mephistopheles.

41Baal: “Oh no.  Now I’m here all by myself.  I can’t deal with this kind of pressure.” *develops a bad habit of ear chewing*

42Wrath: “You’re the reason the cat is dead.  You’re 117, Marlena.  Call it quits or I call the bees.”

Marlena: “But you already called the bees…”

Maybe she’s able to hold out for as long as she is because her husband is an immortal vampire, even though he is never home, and she really has kinda led a miserable life.

43Peace: “So even though we brought Betel back, this place is still a pig sty.  It literally has not changed since the other day.  Where is that dress-wearing bag of bones?”

Standing on the top of the stairs for the past five hours.  Sigh.  She won’t be taking up space if that’s all she’s going to do, Betel was promptly sent away and redeleted.

So much for vengeance.

44Wrath: *Mind melds with toddler*

Jada: “What?  You mean you haven’t thrown out those pieces of crap already?!  Stop wasting my time here, Wrath!”

You really need to get over yourself a little, Jada.

45On the other end, I never have to worry about Serenity.  She always seems to have someone to care for her.

Betsy: “Maybe if Serenity is kept safe and happy, mother will love me again.”

Serenity: “I wuv you, muches and muches!”

Betsy: “It’s just not the same…”

46Jada: “Hey, Little Bathroom Troll!  We don’t keep you here to piss on the floor and make the bathroom a grimy mess, we keep you for the complete opposite!  Why is this place a pig pen?!”

Julian: “Because I’m not a bathroom troll?  I actually live in other places of the house?”

I can’t tell.

47Briana: “Hmmmm, I smell teen opportunity and happiness!  I better rise to the occasion for once in my miserable life!”

And so, Cinderella’s step-sisters got a chance to go to the ball, granted Cinderella is still in diapers right now and can’t go.  Maybe in a few more years though.

48Briana: *Lifts dress* “Hey Betsy, can you check and see if I remembered to put on panties before I got in here?  I’m feeling breezy.”

Betsy: “Not on your life.”

49Peace: “I am now in the mood for some Super Mario Bros.”

I agree, I’m in the mood now as well.

50Cruelty: “SMEAGOL DEMANDS HIS DINNER”

Wrath: “And I demand you answer me on what do you get when you cross a hooker and a combine?  But obviously I’m not getting that either, am I!”

51Cruelty grew up inappropriate, which is good for us.  Also it’s not evil, which is also good for us, seeing as I don’t want her as heiress.

Wrath: “And that’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”

Cruelty: “I am unloved.”

52Happiness: “I will make sure that these children do feel love in their lives, even if it’s just a quick hold before I chunk them back in their cribs for no good reason.”

Cynthia: “You are gone for days on end, and then you can’t even find your actual grandchild?  Wow, you are just as bad as your wife, actually.”

I gave up on locking the doors anyway.  They really just stand outside of it and complain about being locked out.  They only come in to stand around and complain some more, but at least it’s not at the door.

53At the end of the chapter, there is more news about these guys.  Florida man has a baby with his mother.  The town awaits with anticipated breath for it to be revealed to have 11 fingers and toes.

Advertisements