Archive | March 2018

Clown in the Backyard

*Makes a New Year Resolution to at least finish one of my legacies this year*

*Two days in probably changes it to maybe get through one generation*

*Maybe half*
1I’m not good at ensuring the Fallens check their mail, so its no surprise Peace is just now finding his wedding present still in the mailbox, from Happiness no less, even though he still lives in the house with him.

Peace: “Dad, did you REALLY have to come out here and shove a whole jet fighter in the mailbox?!  How did you even pull this off??”

Happiness: “You know I honestly don’t remember?  It’s been two years now since your wedding, I had long forgotten that thing was even in there still…”2Nothing says love and forever after like shipping an F-14 Tomcat to the happy couple.

Now we have a matching pair!  One married couple can now fight together in a future world war or something.  Now that’s true love right there.3*Vampire skill buffs to level 10 on two paintings at a skill level of a toddler*

Happiness: “Aw give me a break!  They’re worth so much because I’m famous as it is!”

Yes, I could tell from your 3 fans at the Applebee’s down the street.4Agony: “Wow, an actual zombie in the family graveyard.  Highlight of my life right here.  Yeah.  Please let this be my only appearance in this whole chapter and leave me alone for the remainder of the chapter.”

Baal: “Fuck, our vacation is over, time to pretend to be a functioning piece of data again.”

Zombie who’s name I long forgotten in void of time: “:^)”4Justice: “Finally.  I’ve only looked forward to this day for six months.”

To be fair some teens do.
5Justice: “After all this time, and I’m saddened to say my dear sister will not be joining us for this lovely high school dance.”

Agony: “Jeez, when are you turdasses going to get over the loss of that alien fetus, whatever her name was.  Isotrope?”

Justice: “No, the other green one, the one that actually lives with us still.  Even though I don’t know how, she has apparently route failed in the kitchen again…”6Serenity: “I didn’t route fail, I just couldn’t bear to leave poor little Ariel alone without any food!  I’d die knowing I was out having a good time and our cat could be starving at home!”

Ariel: “I… I was just asking for a treat for doing a pee in the litter box.”

Wrath: “And this is why you aren’t getting heirship, Booger Girl.”7Agony attempting to be evil?  She’s not good at it.89Teen sweethearts!  Maybe they will develop corresponding good/evil traits and we get to keep them!10Notable teens from town.  Justine is not too bad aging up though.  Nose still looking like it was sculpted from tin foil.  Prom dress from the Dollar Tree store.  Name might be Janelle, I don’t fucking remember most of the Florida Men offspring’s names anymore.  But she’s still doing ok.11Rodrigo still exists.  12Welp, Prom lasted past 11:00:04 pm, here’s the cops.

Cop: “I’m just here to reach my quota, boi”

Justice: “How immoral.”
13*Takes separate taxis just to be spiteful*

Please don’t leave that cop car to get stuck there forever.  I’m not doing that again.
14I just whipped by to see how Tyrone’s latest birthday came together.  Found out there’s a new Florida Man baby on the porch.  Another Rodrigo though.  Boring.  No idea what his name is.  Toaster probably.  I actually just tried to open the game to find out again but it’s not coming back on tonight.  His name is just Toaster I guess.

Toaster: “No… sudden… moves…. just t-pose with me… until it leaves…”

Huh?15OH

Tyrone: *Flicks tongue around like a snake out his ear trying to sense where his little brother is*

Toaster: *Attempts to escape by glitch sliding across the floor like some sims babies can do but fails*16For a second I thought his teeth were just that yellow, that’s how bad off this kid was.  Apparently its just the highlights in his hair on the back of his head though.

Tyrone: “NO!  My teeth IS hair!  I filter my nutrients out of brine water just like a baleen whale!”

Ok, bye Tyrone.17Cruelty: “I’m so fucking tired, this bitch has not put on pants once since the day I got here, and even though I’ve been standing in this same spot since I got here, that still shouldn’t matter.”
18Kid: “Bitch that was not an invitation to come in and take yours off.”

Wrath: “Who is this little gnome and why is she trying to tell me what the fuck to do?”

Cruelty: “Omg hi mom”19I see something else has joined the monster party on the porch.

Tyrone: “Hell yeah, who influenced this get together?  Oh yeah it was meeee” *Licks eyeballs*

Toaster: “Please someone call child services for me”20Cynthia: “Ah yes.  A happy home once again.  Husband sound asleep, not a peep in the house… time to get up and cause some ruckus.”
21Cynthia: “Look, it doesn’t matter if you jogged 2 kilometers this morning.  If you aren’t bench pressing 230 lbs by next friday, I’m disowning you.”

Agony: “I know exercise is important, but go talk about it elsewhere since the Brown Locomotive is coming through a tunnel”

Serenity: “Right now I’d like to jog away from anywhere but here :)”22Agony: “SHIT, they didn’t dissipate quick enough, now I got to re-eat more food to refuel my organs!”

Yay.23Cynthia: “I don’t hear any deadlifts out here!!”

Serenity: “Gosh flabbit mom if I do one more 100 lb set again my back is going to break mom!”24Cynthia: “Fine.  We’ll start slower then.  I’ve rigged this treadmill to only go 35 mph.  Go full Usain Bolt or die, my child.  That’s my fitness goal to be honest.”

Serenity: “WHAT”25Cynthia: “Go faster!  I want to see those legs blur!  Look at me and see the body you can obtain through my training regimen, Serenity!!”

Serenity: “MOM PLEASE I DON’T CARE PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON”26Wrath: “I just realized, um, aren’t onions a bulb that’s grown in the ground and not on a bush?”27Wrath: “Fuck, I confused the stupid thing and it died in it’s confusion.  Now I have to stand in the yard and make that stinky oniony smell all on my own.”28Happiness: “Oh, wow Loyalty, has it been that long?  I thought you were a vampire and you weren’t supposed to age, like me.”

Charity: “Dad.  It’s me.  Charity.  Your other daughter that you clearly forgot about.  I have moved out of Anger’s house and live with Brave in the trees.  It’s not fun.”

Old people gathering in the yard means one thing.29Peace: *Attempts to eat the entire cake before anyone else sees it*30I invited the prom sweethearts to the party to meet them for myself.  Derrell showed up.  Kinda cute.  Can’t dress himself of course.  31Cynthia: “I got my aging hubby a birthday present that I totally didn’t nick off of those rusting robots on the other side of town when you weren’t looking.  I paid them cash and everything so don’t mention it to them ever again or tell them where I live.”

I NEVER knew Cynthia had The Beast!  I just happened to look over her inventory and here it is.  To think, Sinbad Rotter’s bike is still in existance, transversed legacies and survived two computers.  A true legend.
32Peace: “I guess old age isn’t going to be too bad… I get to grow old with my darling wife and get to look forward to grandchildren… though being older than my dad now is going to be weird…”

Serenity: *scratches armpit* “Yeah yeah, having a pop star vampire for a father wasn’t weird enough…”33Peace: “The aches and pains of old age are not feeling so good.  I changed my mind, I don’t want this.”

Serenity: “It must be done, father.”

Cynthia: “This is a very sad looking salad.”34Cynthia: “WHOA I think the salad heard me.”

Peace: “The fudge happened to my counters”35Peace’s first want as a senior is to take his dear wife on a date.  It was sweet enough, so they dumped the birthday party as quick as they could and went to the bar.

Peace: “Please wife, do not do what I think you’re going to do and join me in dance!  Or at least come over here and pop my back back into place.”36Peace: “Whoa nevermind, that workout outfit is HAWT.  The fact that her head is popping off isn’t so hot, but that outfit makes me very warm!”

Fun date.
37Wrath: “How in the flapping fuck did I end up out here??”

…Um, I guess the birthday party ended wonderfully.38Angela: “Well that’s the oddest thing… I put my pool stick right here on the end where I always keep it, where could it possibly be…”

I noticed something.  The ghosts don’t do things like they used to do, like haunt furniture.  Playing pool and sitting around in the sandbox is all these guys do, and honestly I can’t remember the last time a blender got haunted in any of my games.39Happiness: “Hellloooooo nurse!”

Kirsten: “I am not your nurse, but I play one on tv!”

Happiness you really got to stop eyeing every lady that comes within a twelve foot radius.
40Kirstin: “If you date me, I promise I won’t post skanky post-woohoo/sleeping photos of you on Instagram just for celebrity dating status bragging rights!!”

Happiness: “You had me at woohoo.”

She’s not going to do her job if you keep her distracted, Happiness.  Oh who am I kidding.  She probably won’t do her job anyway.
41Wrath: “Why did… no what does a prostitute and a blonde have… in common?  Gah, I got to write this joke down, work on it’s punchline for the family later.”

Todd: “Hello ma’am.  I have been hired by Mr. Peace Fallen to entertain your family for the evening.  Pretty much because the option has never really been tried and the narrator is testing it out. I know all kinds of tricks, and I’m a master of JOKES!”

Wrath: “Must write this down too…. murder Peace… jokes… my thing.”
42He’s actually just a magician but if he’s going to dress like a clown, I might as well make him go all the way.

Peace: “What in the fuzz is It doing in my backyard?  Is this why I keep finding old skeletons buried in the garden?”

He hung out in the backyard where no one bothers to go to, floated around a bit, and left.  Great use of money.
43Cynthia isn’t asking for a chaffing anywhere bad, nope, not at all.

Cynthia: “The nostalgic bliss from remembering my childhood makes the upcoming infection worth it.” 44Wrath: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS FOR?!  AS YOUR TRUE QUEEN I DEMAND YOU GET OUT OF MY UNDERWEAR”45Happiness: “Hey.  Wait a minute.  Where’s the hot maid from yesterday that was standing right here?”

Creig: “Oh don’t worry, I’m right here, and I got a long thick package for you… it’s your old newspaper from the yard.  I’m off to throw it away.  I’m going to work really hard for your family and have this place spotless in no time!”

Happiness: “I do not like this maid at all.”
46It’s that time again.  A multi sim birthday, this time we’re cranking out three of them: Wrath, Serenity, and Agony.  If I recall, Serenity’s birthday is a day or two early because its just easier to do them all in one go than have my game fight birthdays several days in a row.
47Ariel: “Good luck not struggling.  I can already tell you you aren’t going to have any sims reach that middle cake on this fat ass table.”

It didn’t hurt to try.  It’s a cute table.
48I tried rehiring the clown again, since you know, birthday party entertainment.  I figured he would go back to the backyard and do his thing there though, and that’s why the cake set up is in the backyard.  Todd is an ass though and decided the kitchen made more sense this go around…

Cynthia: “I’m calling the local Mickie Dee’s.  I believe their pet Ronald McDonald escaped into my kitchen.”
49Serenity: “Since I will probably not get heirship from this last chance at a personality trait, I shall wish for a good home, a happy family, and a safe environment away from spooky ghosts and skeletons!”

Wrath: “May we never see your lame unfun ass ever again then.”50Wrath: “Now, what should I wish for…”

Beth: “NO, NOT THE BEES,  oh wait you don’t have any bees with you at the moment. I may have overreacted.”51Serenity: “Oh, am I ever so peckish.  I might die before too long if I don’t get anything to eat.”

No way you could have prevented that.  No way at all.  Can’t be prevented with say, a cake, half a foot away from you that you keep cancelling on.  Nope. 52Glad you could actually join us at the party you were hired for, Todd.

Todd: “I came outside to watch this woman grow old and then instantly revert back into a young woman.  Now THAT’S some real magic right there!  Plus, there’s a troll in the kitchen.  I didn’t want to get eaten.”53Arwing: “WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE yeah”

I don’t believe you were invited but you’re presence is endearing to me, Arwing.54You, on the other hand, were invited and you’re late, Agony’s romantic interest from prom.

DeShawn: “Can’t help it… the zombie apocolypse… it caught me… but I still made it… for my darling…”55Agony: “You’re so sweet, DeShawn.  Drip that fake green face paint all over our living room hardwood and my mom will drown you in angry bees though.  Fair warning.”56DeShawn: “Anything for my buttercup, my light, my love, my Dark Souls 3”

Agony: “Well at least I have one person that cares for me on my birthday.  That does make me feel more special than my family makes me feel like.”57And with that, does Wrath’s heirship over the family end here….58Agony: “Eh.  I’m not feeling it, Mr. Krabs.”

I, um.  Agree.  Eh.59Here are all three girls post makeover.  Serenity offically stands as a great kisser, a coward, athletic, easily impressed and loves the heat.  Her LTW is canine companion.  However, since she is not good like her sister, Justice will be the shoe-in heiress I was expecting her to be.  Serenity is darling cute though.  Not looking forward to her moving out.

Wrath: “What did the gay guy say when the bee stung him on the butthole?  “Aaah, my BUZZY”!”

Thanks for the unnecessary addendum, Wrath.60Agony, on the other hand, is a vehicle enthusiast, childish, easily impressed, eco FRIENDLY, and FRIENDLY.  Could you possibly be more anti-evil, Agony?

Agony: “My LTW is Jack of All Trades, which I will utilize towards my true life’s dream: To craft a car that runs on pure sunlight and positive vibes!”

Wrath: “OH HELL NO”61

I really like Agony.  I do, I like her face… and uh.  I like her face.  But her traits are so borderline non-evil.  Almost tauntingly so.

Agony: “So.  Um.  When does this… heiress stuff kick in?  I don’t feel any different that before…”

So we’ll see…

(quietly posts in March, SO MUCH FOR NEW YEARS RESOLUTION FROM WHEN I STARTED WRITING THIS CHAPTER)

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