All Hallows Flames
Wrath: “UGH! Dainty flowers?! In MY house?! Did that statue decorate while I was in stasis, because I’m unnerved!”
No dumbass, you’re in the wrong house. Stop mooching in Peace’s apartment for once.
Last chapter, Justice had to rescue her grandfather from his cross country marathon on a treadmill at the gym, and then she and Hysteria went on dates with their chosen significant others. Hysteria went the cheap route and Justice got the flu. Justice: “And now I know why I’m constantly stuck with the plague! Baal! Get out of my bed! You’re infested!”Baal: “Have you ever noticed that the Ultra Fast Forward option for speeding up time in this game has NEVER worked? Like isn’t it supposed to zip us through whatever thing we are doing? It doesn’t go any faster than the three speed option! And no one ever updated or patched that as far as I can tell. Why even add or keep the option if it’s never going to be useable or fixed?”
Justice: “Look Baal, I love you, and adore you, but I’ll put up with your monologuing just as much as Agony does. Please leave my room and don’t come back until you Febreze yourself at least.”
Justice: “Oh who am I kidding. If I don’t do it no one will. No better way to bathe a dirty doggie than in my future wedding dress in a recently painted bathroom.”
This color scheme is like a Barbie nightmare. The color scheme sounded fun on paper but the farther I went with it the more I regret this.Happiness: “Annnnnd the final touch, grey cabinet doors to really make these patterns pop.”Happiness: “And bam, the kitchen is finished.”
I hate these colors, but for some reason I like the kitchen the best. This house is hell. I regret sticking to their favorite colors as a decorating scheme when I decorate on a 3rd grade level.Hysteria: “WHOEVER DICKED WITH MY KITCHEN LIKE THIS DESERVES A STEAK THROUGH THEIR HEART”
Hysteria: “GAH I’M SO ABSOLUTELY LIVID I COULD WALK ON HOT COALS!”
And so she did as she wanted.
Hysteria: “I couldn’t walk on them while they were blazing hot so I guess I’m not as mad as I thought.”Happiness: “I’m glad you cooled down a bit and decided to make dinner. What we having tonight? Baked beans please?”
Hysteria: “Back the fuck off because I really am about to steak you with this mixing spoon.”Hysteria: “I’m off to town for some stupid unrelated wants and I stole Justice’s new bike but did she really have to paint it like a pastel fairy’s pile of vomit?”
Justice: “You didn’t steal it, its our share bike C:”
Hysteria: “I want to buy my own when I’m done collecting bugs.”
Hysteria: “Aww, this cute bird actually has melted my steely cold dead heart, I actually feel a little love in the world and I swear to fuck Agony if you actually punt this fucking bird I really will tear the remains of your head off and stick it on a pike.”
Agony: *Last second diversion and runs on by*Hysteria: “Awww, it trusts me :)” *Crushes butterfly with palms*
Flying Butterfly: “BRADRICK!! NOOOO!”
Neck Kissing Butterfly: “Fuck this shit I’m out” *Nyooms off*Hetal’s mother Jin is also here! And she’s insane. Because it seems this game likes to keep insane people together with the evil ones. Seems morbid to me because I think of Evalin and her sister, but then I also have Wrath so coincidence probably.
Jin: “The fuck is that over your head. How do you not get not completely soaked under that thing? Getting pneumonia is the best part of this weather!”Hysteria: “I’m giving you a heads up. Your daughter may only be this high right now, but once she reaches the birthing age I’m locking her in a cellar to raise my spawn creations for me, understood?”
Jin: “Oh thank god. You’re doing me a service. I was afraid Hetal was going to be stuck a crazy cat woman but you’re doing me good :)”I tried to make her be friends with yours truly since my house was nearby? But I wasn’t home. I’m never home.
I also had added my irl friends in the game in a house nearby and I already see they’re going rogue and dicked up their appearances without my PERMISSION. No wonder I’m never home.
James: “I’ll be your friend if you want to.”
Hysteria: “On second thought I don’t want to be any of you guys’ friends.”Checking in on Peace and Wrath. They’re still placid.
Peace: “I just had a genius idea. More lightbulbs. I want my countertops to be seen glistening from SPACE”Ariel: “HEY, Justice! You’re girl is here. You best go primp up a bit or at the very least get a burn kit”
Dee Dee: “Hmmm.”
Dee Dee: “Nope bye”
Justice: “NO WAIT, please come back! I’ll hop in the shower and bandage myself up just give me some time please!”
I don’t think Justice is ever going to complete those potion table wishes any time soon.
Justice: “I’m so sorry about that earlier, but now I’m squeaky clean, bought you roses and followed you all the way home at 3 in the morning! I promise I’m doing my best to better my skills and knowledge and not a weirdo at all.”
Dee Dee: “GASP! That really is devotion! I was having some slight doubts about this, but I’m so sorry I didn’t think that through at all!”Justice: “Soooo, with that, do you think there’s any chance you would like to be… you know…”
Dee Dee: “Your girlfriend? You needn’t ask. You know I will.”I have a feeling these are going to make a lovely couple.Ding dong, daily check in with these guys.
Raccoon: “I ate the house. Before Wrath died she asked me to break her ankles at a certain angle so the coroner could see just how vogue her shoes are.”Hysteria: “I just love waking up to actual wants to DO FUCKING LAUNDRY. When am I going to get to want to KILL SOMEBODY?!”
Justice: “Honestly I wish I knew exactly how you got this table to work. I didn’t realize how long I’ve been cruising on these potion wishes and all my sweet date wishes for Dee Dee keep getting missed on for this.”Gotta keep missing out on some more of those wishes, from the looks of it.
Justice: *Obtains black lung*Justice: “I love having you around, Grandfather. But don’t you think you should go home now and check on the rest of the family at least?”
Happiness: “I’m lost in this new town, my dear. I have no idea where I live. Also what are you doing with your hair, it looks absolutely lovely today.”
Justice: “Granfather? That’s a houseplant.”
No wonder he’s lost.Justice: “Agony’s fists may be able to cause death to butterflies, but in my hands I have the power to create life.”Justice: “Behold! Goldie fish!!”
*Plants instantly crystallize for some reason*Justice: “GASP! It’s that time of the year already! Spooky day is upon us!”
Justice: “Nonsense! I want to hold a lovely block party for all my friends! Granted I have no friends outside Dee Dee and my family, luckily though, Grandfather let me borrow his directory! For some reason he knows everyone in this town, just like he did in Hidden Springs. We still don’t know why.”
Happiness: “I gotta recycle my old outfits because I only get to use them once a year and otherwise they’re taking up space in my closet.”
Nice costume, Mizzcutto or whatever your real name was.
Mizz: “Thanks. I’m a motorcycle.”Serenity: “Justice! Can I use spooky day costume while on prenegent, or is it dangertops”
Dee Dee: “Wow, Justice. Classy sister of yours to come crawling out of the trailer park. Hardly a week in and she’s already getting knocked up by randoms.”Serenity: “Nonsense! I did it the traditional way! My man may be trashy but he didn’t skimp on the ring just for me!”
Agony: “She’s right. It was truly romantic. They met, got married AND made that baby in the back seat of the same Uber on the same night!”Something told me that Jin would show up if I invited her, and something else just told me she’d show up as a hot dog.
Jin: “My face is the avacado! :)”Dee Dee showed up as an undead pirate rockstar? It’s different but I really have no idea what she’s going for.Justice: “No matter what she is dressed up to be, she is still beautiful to me.”
Dee Dee: “Well I see you just wore your work clothes for Spooky day. At least I gave it some creative effort.”
Justice: “As much as I would love to get the party started and we spend time with our friends, I love you very much and I have something that I really, really want to ask you… Dee Dee, do you… hear a fire alarm going off?”
Dee Dee: “I do, as a matter of fact, and it sounds awfully close…”
Please not right now…Happiness: “Nope, not in here. And the potions table isn’t on fire. There’s no fire on this lot. The sound bugging out again probably.”
Yeah but it’s SO LOUD and sounds like it has a source somewhere…Peace: “That is the loudest fire alarm I have ever heard in my life, and I’m not even wearing my hearing aids! Wrath! Are you smoking pot in my bathroom again?!”
REALLY PEACE. YOU HAD TO DRESS AS A FIREFIGHTER SO WHAT, YOU HAD TO ROLEPLAY THE PART IN REAL LIFE TOO?
Peace: “What did you say I can’t hear anything”Dee Dee: “Huh. Must be an important emergency.”
Justice: “I’m so sorry, I’ll be back! My duty as a cop, and as a REAL cop, is to protect the citizens! That and my dad is about to die brb”Hetal: “Bitch you aren’t going anywhere. I demand candy.”
Justice: “Look sweaty my dad is a moth when it comes to an open flame so I kindly recommend you get your hand out of my shoulder socket and let me do my job. You aren’t even wearing a costume, and party poopers don’t get treats.”Justice: “Dad! I’m on my way to save y-”
Happiness: “GET OUT OF MY WAY, I’M COMING MY SON! DADDY IS COMING TO RESCUE YOU!!”
Justice: “Well, I mean… I guess it’s great that Grandfather is a caring loving man.”
No rush, Peace doesn’t think it’s an emergency.
Peace: “Oh my dearest Cynthia! How I miss you so. If only you could see how dedicated our Justice is and how Serenity is going to make us first time grandparents. And my dearest Izzypop, from whichever star you are living at, I still love you, sob SNIFF”
Good thing you were never a real firefighter.Happiness: “PEACE! What have I TOLD you about playing with the stove!!?!”
Peace: “Dad? Hey dad. I am baking a salad for dinner :)”
Happiness: “What you’re DOING is burning the house down! You’re grounded for a week.”
Peace: “OH NO! DAD THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE! OH GOD I JUST HAD THIS WALLPAPER CLEANED!”
Happiness: “Oh my poor sweet, stupid, stupid son. This is my fault you came out this way. You inherited your mother’s blatant stupidity, and I could have prevented that if I only knew what a condom was.”Wrath: “What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick!”
Justice: “Cousin Wrath, please do not come in here! This kitchen is tiny enough as it is and with all of us packed in here we will never find a fire extinguisher.”
Happiness: “Come on, son. This way to the exit. Please follow me and stop screaming.”
Peace: “THIS IS INTERFERING WITH NAPTIME!!!”Hysteria: “I REALLY have to do everything around here, don’t I? You guys are fucking broke!”
Wrath: “Hey Agony, did you hear my joke earlier! A brick! Haha I’m good. I found my joke book you hid in the toilet tank by the way.”Justice: “Cousin Wrath, PLEASE! Don’t keep walking INTO the fire! You’re going to catch fire with that cheap Wal-Mart costume!”
Wrath: “Heh. Brick.”
Hysteria: “Too late, I caught fire first. Look at my ass.”
Justice: “NOOOOOO! NOT YOU!!”
Peace: “Never fear! A real firefighter is here!”
Maggie: “Your choice in tv is shit.”
Maggie: “Hm. You seem to have it under control. Do you just need pointers or something?”
Justice: “To be honest, she really does need help. Can you, if nothing else, at least put her pants out?”Maggie: *Goes for a reverse choke slam*
Hysteria: “Bitch does this LOOK like the time for the WWE in here?!”Wrath: “How many DEAD BABIES does it take to FIRE”
Justice: “SEE! WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!”Hysteria: “EXCUSE YOU I WAS BURNING FIRST, CAN’T ANYONE TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION HOW MUCH MORE IMPORTANT I AM!?”
Justice: “I’m working on it! I can only see with so much fire in my literal eyeballs!”
Peace: “NO JUSTICE! NOT YOU TWO!”
Maggie: “Can yall stop passing that around like its the damn flu or something. Jeez.”
Peace: “I just can’t believe she would just put herself in harm’s way like that. That’s so dangerous and stupid and I raised her better than that.”
Justice: “DAD THIS WOULDN’T HAPPEN IF YOU COULD STOP TRYING TO COOK HEADS OF LETTUCE IN THE OVEN”Peace: “Yall nasty and leaving soot prints all over my clean pristine floor”
Wrath: “That’s it. I’m putting rat poison in your denture water tonight.”Justice: “The fire is over Maggie but whatever. You weren’t really all that helpful.”
Then the party ended and everyone across the street said it sucked. Sob.Justice: “But I’m glad you’re still here! Yay, my love!”
Dee Dee: “Yeah, just chillin. Tried to leave, but you called me back and like a dummy I returned. Glad to see you’ve cooked yourself in a deep fryer again. Sigh, your level of self care…”Justice: “But you came back, and your devotion to me is ever so special and wonderful, and as I was saying earlier before my dad tried to burn the retirement home down… I have something important to ask you.”
Dee Dee: “Oh? What’s that?”Justice: “This isn’t how I imagined it to go, Dee Dee. I wanted all our friends and family to be here to watch this moment, and I didn’t think I would once again, be covered in soot and burns, but now is probably one of the better moments I’ll ever get to ask you this.
Dee Dee Wynn, will you marry me?”
Dee Dee: “Oh wow! This is lovely! Of course I will marry you! This is a definite yes from me!”
Justice: “You have made me the world’s happiest cooked porkchop!”AND THEN the cat died.
Dee Dee: *prods ceiling with umbrella* “Nope, it wasn’t asbestos. I guess the cat was just old.”
Death: “It’s time to go to that cat house in the sky, Ariel. Say goodbye to your owner, OH by the way, congradulations on your engagement, Justice!”
Justice: “Sniff, sob, thank you?”Ariel: “I don’t trust any of this. You’re going to steal my face aren’t you.”
Death: “Nonsense! What business do I have stealing the faces of any creature I move to the other side??”Then he stole her eyes.
RIP Ariel. I tried to give you a good life from living on the street for the short time you were with us. Though with these people maybe I made it worse.Dee Dee: “I’m sorry your cat died. Um, sympathy flowers?”
You can’t fool anyone like that Dee.
Justice: “SOB. REALLY.”
Hysteria: “Look hoe if you’re hitting on me, I’m going to hit you back.”Hysteria: “Justice get your bitch.”
Justice: “We just got engaged, Dee Dee. If you do this to me I might get so upset I will like, cry and stuff.”Dee Dee: “Awwww man. But… them boobies…”
Justice: “Trust me hun. They aren’t even real.”Dee Dee: “Wow, engagement and all and that cat’s death went and ruined our entire date, just like that.”
Hysteria: “Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s because you’re a thot.”Hysteria: “FUCK my lip busted”
Dee Dee: “Ew you’re like, leaking and stuff. Yeah, nevermind, I’ll stick to Justice.”