Archive | April 2019

Tans, Sinks, and Eyebrows

Hello, to our 69th post on 4/20!! AYYYY (actually this was technically finished on the 21st because the universe decided I needed a migraine on the 20th instead FUCKING DICK sob)

To celebrate this holy kushy holiday, we have 69 photos for this chapter.  The post itself, however, is pot free I’m afraid.1Hope: “And that’s a good thing!  As much as the chemical gives you a good boost to your mood, abuse of the drug itself is dangerous and toxic to your health in certain ways, if you aren’t careful.”

Wicked: “That’s just pussy talk.  You just aren’t injecting the marijuanas right.”

Justice: “Oh kids, no drug talk at the table, it’s a drug free part of the house.”

Hope: “We LITERALLY had a chemical table in here for most of my life, mom.”2Justice: “And please face the other way at the table, Hetal.  It’s family time, and the birthday of your son, you should at least participate in the conversation.”

Hetal: “And you can participate in minding your own fucking business.”

Wicked: *sad eating noises*3Justice: “I see Rick made a run for it while he was still young and smart.”

Chanda: “I’m here to wash your windows.  Bathe your furniture.  Baste the turkey.  I promise I’ll do a better job than any predecessor you had before me.”

And then she did, it was nice.4However the game gave us TWO maids this time and this one is the most useless I have ever had, and leaves Chanda to do all the work on her own.

Jan: “I’ll let you suck my blood if you let me suck your di-”

Please die somewhere far away like in the center of the ocean, Jan.  I already hate you.5The house got another extension for Wicked’s new room, so now whenever Rage is let back into the house he can have the old nursery.6How’s living alone going for you, Happiness?

Happiness: “I’VE BEEN GETTING PELTED AT BY HAIL ALL MORNING, WHEN IS IT SUPPOSED TO STOP??”

I mean it’s only been going for several hours, I’m pretty sure that was your first clue at staying out of the pool in the first place.7Nice tan for a vampire though.  Not sure why your skin is melting off as if you’re made out of cotton candy.

Happiness: “I mean, I am a vampire with a tan.  It’s probably so contradicting that the game can’t fathom the idea and that’s why my body is literally sloughing off of me right now.  Please hand me a shirt and some bandaids.”
8The house is still FUCKING NASTY and even though the house across the street has two maids now, no one is touching this one, so its time to bring Betel back once again.

Betel: *Spawns outside of her closet so she doesn’t have to touch the eyesore physically*9Betel: “OH GOD, OH MAN, OH GOD, OH MAN, OH GOD, OH MAN

Yeah…… good luck, Betel, this is probably going to be your magnum opus.
10HOLY FUCK

TYRONE BRED11Tyrone: “Behold.  I didn’t steal this one this time.”

Phillip, Son of Tyrone: *Is 45% eyeball*

Miriam: “Is this the brownies kicking in?  Is this what my hallucinations look like on weed??”12There is something unique about baby Phillip, but I can’t put my finger on it.  I’m starting to think though, that the genetics of Arwing’s line are just too strong to be fully affected by whatever monster fucker they keep breeding with.

Phillip, Son of Tyrone: *THX start up noises*

Tyrone: “That’s my boy!”14Justice: “Don’t mind me.  I’m donating to charity.  Must help those less fortunate than us.  Yessir.  Nothing out of the ordinary about me doing this at 3 in the morning.  Nothing odd out here at all.”13Justice: “Except for that that just ran out of my bushes, who in the FLIP FLOP ARE YOU”

???: “Um.  I can explain…                         …..Ok, bye!”

Justice: “THAT EXPLAINED NOTHING”

Peace from the dirt: “MY LONG LOST CHILD probably, SOBBBBBAKRJOAIEGOFKJASLFAJK”
15Tenisha grew up on a porch somewhere and she’s still continuing to be very pretty despite all challenges!!  I’m proud of her.

Tenisha: “Who stole this BBQ’s paintjob”

16Ah yes.  A perfect job for a 13-15 year old girl.  I’m sure she can’t wait to bust cold-cases in between geometry tests.17Tenisha: “I spy with my private eye, dem tiddies”

Hysteria: “If you even try to report them stolen (which they are not, you have no proof) I’ll mess up your face too, mark my words.”18Then Hysteria did it anyway.

Hysteria: “Hey, I only messed up your makeup.  And to be fair, I think it’s vogue as fuck.  So you should thank me instead, ungrateful little shit.”

Tenisha: “Vogue??  I look like a clown-mime hybrid, and if I had my real eyebrows back I’d be expressing fury on my face right now.”19Here’s the full glory shot of her new look, since in-game won’t show her funky new eyelashes. Had it forever, and had to use those on someone one of these days, might as well be now.20Alex: “Hey, I’m a werewolf now.  They finally gave me my license from the Werewolf Committee.  God it feels good to have real skin again.”

Marlena: “MACHINES like THIS EXIST??  Even during MY TIME?!  There’s no way I can believe that, Jada!!”

Jada: “Yeah, I can believe you’re too stupid to believe it.”21Marlena: “Ah.  Modern technology, I knew it was too good to be true.”

Jada: “Really?  You already broke it.  My daughter is going to exorcise you one of these days, you know that right?”

Marlena: “What do you mean, I was getting exercise from this machine before it broke all on it’s own!”

Jada: “Nevermind.”22Hetal: “Good job, bitch!  You broke the one piece of equipment I didn’t know we had in the room I mostly ignore!  My wife is going to be furious at you!!”

Jada: “Good, tell her to kill her again!”

Marlena: “:)”24Hetal: “You seem like someone who would be impressed with my witchcraft skills!  I may not have ridden a broomstick in years, but I assure you I’m the best there is.”

Marlena: “Amazing!  I can see with that level of skill and expertise why Agony here chose you as her spouse.”23Hysteria: “Honestly give me one good reason I don’t take those two useless hens and clock them in the head with this wrench for doing nothing but being in my way.”

Alex: *El snore*25Happiness: “I am ignoring the sink in the kitchen screaming for the sweet release of death to play video games.  Nothing kills a tan faster than nerding out on video games for a while.  Let’s begin.”26Happiness: “Wha… that’s totally not fair!  Zenyatta’s at a disadvantage against Sombra’s ult ability as it is, there is no need to 2 v 1 me when I’m already left with no way to counter properly with the odds stacked against me as it is!!”

Hmmm, not pasty enough, he can get nerdier and go paler…27Happiness: “Absolute and utter bullfart!! Winston’s ult with Ana’s ult is a waste of both because Winston does less damage when raging and nano’ed than he would just using his default Tesla Canon!!  The track on the projectile, along with the boost on his already 60 dmg/second makes it more effective than getting slapped around in ult mode, plus, the only reason the Ana is not nanoing me and boosting my Reaper’s ult is because they queued together and I ASSURE you I will report them for poor teamwork!!”

THERE’S the pasty reflective sheen of vampiric skin that I… actually don’t remember being that white.

All regained after just seconds of video game playing.  That’s the power of Xbox, baby.28Meanwhile Betel has probably been doing this for a long time now.

Might help to, you know, fix the sink first?  Just suggesting.

Betel: “I GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL!! AAAAAA”

I’m sure you do.
29Hetal: “YOU DIDN’T DO IT!  You kept putting off teaching her to use the toilet and now you’re too late!!  She’ll never make it in time for her birthday and you know it!!”

Grace: “She’s right mama… I’m really tired of forcing the poopies I don’t even have right now…”

Justice: “Sigh.  I guess you’re right… but just one more time!! She just has to try poopsies one more time and we can do it, I just know it!!”30Justice: “Come, Grace!  We are going to use the bathroom one more time!  We have less than an hour before you grow up, and we are so close!  I believe in you!”

Grace: “Do you?  Because you’re walking in the opposite direction of the toilet.”31Justice: “Just meet me down the bottom of the stairs so I can pick you up and take you to the bathroom!  Quickly now, we are running out of time.”

Grace: “MOM, YOU’RE BUGGING OUT AGAIN, DO YOU REALLY THINK WE GOT TIME FOR THIS”32Grace: “Whatever, if it gets mama out of this dumb broken stair loop then so be it.”

THAT’S NOT SAFE, GRACE

Grace: “I don’t CARE, I’m tired of her bugging on the staircase!”33Grace: “Just so everyone knows, its about time to call someone for this asbestos.  Real dusty back here.”
34Grace: “A for effort, mama.  You’ll get them next time.”

Justice: “Well, that’s just gravy.”
35Grace: “So what do I do if I have to use the bathroom at school?  Will they yell at me if I poop at my desk or do you think I can still fit in a diaper?”

Justice: “I have no one to blame but myself!  UGH.  If I could arrest myself I would!!”

Grace: “Yeah. I’m just as disappointed as you are.  I think.”36Now that she has pants, Grace is now a vegetarian.  She only has one more chance at getting the Good trait or else she’s out of the heirship.

Now go eat a carrot, bitch.

Grace: “K”37Grace’s crib is replaced with a bed now, so you have no choice but to sleep in your own crib now, Rage.

Rage: “Joke’s on you, I’ve never been in a crib before in my life.”
38Rage: “Yes, please continue to impale yourself in the ladder!!  The more you attempt to remove me from under this bed the worse you get!”

Justice: “Why is my day so bad today :(“39Dee Dee: “Now that we have no more toddlers, you are on your own!  I’m retiring from the baby scene, and your kids have no reason to be in my kid’s room.  Take your kid and go on with your evil self, Hetal!”

Hetal: “Now is that any way to turn a child away when he needs someone to care and raise him?”

Dee Dee: “You LITERALLY put him out in the woods for like two days!  Who are you to talk!!”40Hetal: “Yeah you’re right.  Come Rage.  I’ll show you the inside of the washing machine.”

Rage: “YAYYY”

Dee Dee: “What”41Alex: “I feel the power of the moon!  It FLOWS THROUGH MY VEINS!!”

Cynthia: “OH MY LORD!! A WEREWOLF!! THE ABSOLUTE HORROR!!”42Alex: “THAT’S RIGHT, LOOK UPON MY FORM AND TREM… did you really just piss on my carpet.”

Cynthia: “So sorry about that… I have a weak bladder and it just happens sometimes.”

Alex: “This sucks, I don’t even have any paper towels in here, the smell will last for weeks!! Also wait a second…”43Alex: “Y-you’re a GHOST!”

Cynthia: “Uh yeah.  I had forgotten about that actually.  Glad to meet you I’m Cynthia.  You can call me Cy.  No one calls me Cy.”44Cynthia: “Now if you don’t mind I’m passing out from the sheer terror of A WEREWOLF, SO SCARY!”

Alex: “Yeah yeah.  Have fun with that, I’m going to go take a nap for 8 hours.”45Cynthia: “Ok, so I know you just fell asleep and all, but ghost pee is really rank so you really need to leave the room so I can shower.  I’d hate it if you happened to wake up and caught sight of my little ghost boobies.”46Alex: “Really.  Lady, do you not see this room?  I LIVE here.  I have no where to go.  You’re just going to have to bathe somewhere else or deal with your pissy stink self on your own.”47Cynthia: “WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS THIS MADHOUSE?!”

You contribute to it, Cynthia.48The end of summer is around the corner, and considering how eternal the last winter was, it didn’t feel like summer even lasted.  Enjoy the warmth while it lasts, kid.

Abandoned baby: “I’m dying”49Hysteria: “I’m beauty, I’m grace…”50Hysteria: “I’m thinking about smacking that baby in its fucking face.”

Pop your spine back into place first.51The whiny baby in question carries the Good trait, so I got to make a note to keep an eye on him.  Though the man that’s carrying him is Face One and if he’s the father, I’m already disappointed.
52Hysteria: “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU”

Concession stand lady: “Um.  I work here?  Want a hot dog?”

Hysteria: “I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE A MYTH”

Lots of caps lock this chapter53Justice: “I’m so happy to help the less fortunate!  I love doing it in the middle of the night, this way Agony doesn’t yell at me for “wasting” money on charity!”

Easy way to make her happy at least.
54Happiness: “Are you another summon to help with the cleanliness?  If that’s the case, I’m gonna need you to start working on the dishes.  I’ve been out for two weeks and I’m tired of eating directly on the counter tops.”

Wicked: “You dumb bastard, I can’t be alone after curfew, but if I follow Hetal she swings a bat at me.  I figured the vampire and the skeleton across the street were safer.”

Happiness: “Well, I guess in that case, you aren’t wrong.”
55Happiness: “We only have 4 beds left in the house, so make yourself at home in one of them.”

Wicked: “Too late”

Happiness: “Well I tried…  Anyway, what’s on the late night channels?”56Wicked: “I’ll be brutality honest.  The sink is so ungodly loud, it’s keeping me up.  How do you live like this with a swamp in your kitchen??”

Happiness: “At this point in my life, the sloppiness has actually grown on me and I know nothing else.”

Betel: *Is already drinking herself into a stupor probably*61End of that.  It’s time for a surprise for you, Hope!  Head to the kitchen to see what it is!

Hope: “I already know it’s a birthday cake.  I can see it from the window!! You can’t get me to go in there no matter how hard you try.”58Angela: “Well I see you’re in here anyway.”

Hope: “I couldn’t eat the tree leaves.  I guess puberty won’t be too bad, it’s worth this sherbet.”59Hope: “Speaking of growing up, how in the fruit loop did you get to grow up before I did?”

Frenchie: “Hormones?  Better genes?  It’s not the steroids in your mother’s chemical concoctions from her potions days if that’s what you’re implying.”

Hope: “I didn’t imply…”60Peace: “Hi”

Frenchie: “YES, a ghost!!  Totally takes the heat off of me and the steroid use, which I’m not doing.”

Hope: “YES a gh-Oh I broke my wrist.”
62Justice: “So you’re not mad at me anymore?  For not teaching you to sit on the toilet right as a baby?”

Grace: “Mom, don’t worry about it.  How hard can pooping be?  You sit on the toilet, you do your thing.  Only thing to do really is to sit.  And I’m pretty sure sitting is the easiest thing in the world.”

Justice: “Um…… yeah, I guess so.”63ANYWAY birthday ppls.

Tenisha: “You remember the game plan?  I’ll get her good and distracted, you snatch your nose off of her face and make a mad run for it, ok?”

Agony: “And I already told you.  It ain’t happening.  I heard her wife is a witch and last thing I need is to be turned into a mushroom somewhere.  Just drop the waffles off, and meet me back at the house after the caking.”

Then Agony left immediately and hid under her porch I suppose.64Hope: “I guess being a teenager will be fun!  Kinda can’t wait to go on dates and prom and learn to drive.”

Leonard: “And I can’t wait to bang your mom, damn girl you fine”65Hope: “Now that Mama Dee Dee has smited that pervert to a crisp, what should I wish for?”

Tenisha: “If you love me can you wish for my eyebrows to grow back?”

Hope: “Considering how nice you are to stay for my birthday, I will!”66Hope: “Actually I have to redact that wish and wish for some body fat, I’m sorry Tenisha.”

Dee Dee: “What”

Alice: “God feed your children, Dee Dee”67THERE we go.  Fixed and LOOKING GREAT.  A wonderful mix of genes between the two mothers, SEE EVALIN’S BLOODLINE?!  THIS IS HOW IT’S DONE.

Dee Dee: “Yay”

Alice: *Inhales all the air in the room*68Justice: “I’m so glad you grew up to be such a lovely young lady, my daughter.  But here’s the thing.  I see your new Rebellious trait.  Know that any inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated and even though you are my own daughter, I will be disappointed if you did the wrong things in life.”

Hope: “Oh mom.  Don’t be silly.  I’m a good person, I will only rebel against our corrupt systems, political wrong doings, and donate to the needy through charities.”

Justice: “GASP I love you.” 69Tenisha: “Sigh.  To think my mother should have been over this dynasty.  I would have been the heiress to be caked around here, made out all cute and have nice clothes and cool traits.  Now I have no idea what my personality is at all and I look goofy beyond reason.  This world is so cruel.”

Hope: “Oh calm down Tenisha.  Have some cake.  Chill a bit.  Later I’m going to go egg some abusive senators and politicians, you can join me if you’d like!”

Tenisha: “I guess.  Kinda sounds fun, I suppose.”57Ending here, where Betel is stuck in an eternal struggle with the wall, this table, and a Forbidden Plate.

Betel: “If I go for the plate, the turret will shoot me.  I may be undead, but that shit still hurts.”

Learn to think with portals, Betel.

The Wall Goblin

1Its the beginning of summer.  And Justice is still catching the flu every other week still.

Justice: “It’s ok!  I put my trust in my Healing Stones, and I’ll be healed one day soon!”

That explains it.2There is some good news though!  After ages of trying to satisfy the girls’ needs for science and (explosions), I believe they are finally sated, and the potions table is long gone!  Replaced with one of now many clothes hampers for this clothes filled house.3Hetal: “This one.  I have hope for this one.  THIS is the chosen one that I may imprint on to further my legacy.”

Wicked: “PLEASE, I AM DYING AND NEED SUSTENANCE”4Hetal: “Oh my fucking Satan, here you go, you little shit.  Only the finest of Chernobyl tower cooling water for you.”

Wicked: “I will treasure it forever!!”5Hope is a good kid.  Quiet, for a party animal.

Hope: “One day I will head this household, Frenchie.  And when I do, oh, soooooo many parties.  So many.”6Hysteria: “A small baby like you doesn’t need this anyway.  You can definitely choke on the stick alone and die and no one will know it until rigor mortis sets in, as often as you are checked every day.  I am confiscating it because I’m such a good person.”

Grace: “NO, I paid for that with my personal income!!”7Grace: “If anyone needs to be punished, take a lollipop away from Wicked!  He’s the one failing over here!!”

Hysteria: “Yeah well if Hetal would actually do something about him and stop twerking her naked ass on the wall and being useless, this wouldn’t happen.”8Last chapter, useless maid Alex retired and was sealed in the wall of the basement for Hysteria’s amusement.  I added a window wall so she can be viewed now.  Like a personal little zoo.9Alex: “Oh don’t worry.  I have a secret up my sleeve that will bust me out in no time.”

Yes, we already can tell you’re a werewolf.  It’s not really a well kept secret.10Alex: “YES!! SO BEHOLD!  WITH THE POWER OF THE MOON FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS, I WILL BURST THROUGH MY RESTRAINTS TO FREEDOM!!”
11Alex: “WITNESS MY ULTIMATE FORM OF POWER!”

OH FUCK ITS A GOBLIN12Alex: “COUGH cough, uegh, actually, on second thought, if I’m a prisoner in these walls, I don’t actually have to pay my mortgage ever again…”13Alex: “Soooo, yeah… this is an ok living arrangement.  I can accept this.”

Well she was easy to make content.14Hysteria: “Either my wife is really stupid and doesn’t realize I’m in the house, and that we have been married for ages now, or she thinks its hot to put nudes of herself in the mailbox for just anyone to find, but if it’s the latter, that’s kinda hot and she’s getting this ass tonight.”15Hope avoids the family by sleeping on the bench at the school alone.16Hope: “That’s ok!  Because my friend is here now!  And we are going to practice playing chess together.”

I wouldn’t trust a friend like that.18So for the entirety of 10 seconds I forgot that this was the name of Hope’s IF. I guessed someone somewhere was mobbing up for a riot.19On the other hand, at least Wicked is having a good time with that cat.20Back in the basement, Alex’s fridge (which she wasn’t using anyway) had to be deleted because the family was trying their damnedest to use it instead of the better one in the kitchen and the constant route failure was probably giving them brain damage.  I just have to remember to throw her a steak bone down here every so often so she doesn’t starve.

Alex: *Begins to run out of black printer ink*21Justice:  “This is hockeysticks!  I refuse to make dinner unless I have access to the newest appliance in the garage basement!  Alex tells me that THAT fridge has better yogurt!!”

Dee Dee: “Didn’t you just hear the narrator? That fridge was gotten rid of and now all we have is this one.”

Justice: “It’s not the one I WANT!  Add it back!  I want that fracking yogurt!!”22Dee Dee: “Sigh, I can clearly see you’re just bugging out now.  There.  I conjured a newer, better, more evenly colored fridge.  For your sake.  Will you please calm yourself now?”

Justice: *Sniff* “No…. I never got any of that good Yoplait…”

Dee Dee: “Fine, I’ll just have a fend-for-yourself dinner night.”23Edgardo: “You know what I haven’t had in generations?  Macaroni and cheese.  Not since it was banned from the household in my lifetime.”

Justice: “Can you stop showing off the new fridge already?!  I need to access the crappy cheap one that is locked away in the walls for the goblin Agony locked up, and I will not move from this spot until it is returned to us!”

Since Justice would not see reason (and from this point was more or less stuck in this spot) she was reset.
24Look everyone!  Toaster BREAD!! HAHAHAHAHAHGILAJGKDLAJGKDLJFAKLD5

Toaster: “If anyone puts that name on the birth certificate of my child I will hurl the entire hospital into the sun.”25Here’s our yellow ray of sunshine and future radiation.

Felicity: “Not if my good looks and genetics have anything to say about that!!”

Do I ever wish you the best of luck with that then.26Across town, Janelle (or Janine?  I can’t differentiate the sisters right now) has also given birth, and following the theme of J-names, this is Jenny.

Sabrina: “You let them in the house.  Why, in the fuck, would you let them in my house???”27Across town, Agony’s daughter aged up and I absolutely HAD to check her genetics to see if she inherited her mother’s face-job or not.

And she did, but she didn’t come out half bad!  Her lips were caved-in so I gave her some mercy and plumped them out a bit, because she shouldn’t have to suffer because her mother had a blotched plastic surgery job.  And we all know plastic surgery is inheritable.

Tenisha: “My only goal in life is to go back in time and model for the Mona Lisa.  I will be that bitch.”

You’re well on your way to that goal now.28Jarrett: “I don’t understand what everyone in town is saying about her… she’s beautiful to me.  The most beautiful woman I have ever personally laid eyes on.”

You would think that.

Agony: “Who let him in my house?  Tenisha, get in here!  Why, in the fuck, would you let him in my house???”29Returning to the house just in time for little Rage’s birthday.

Hysteria: “May the Dark Ones bless you with the gift of good looks, my child!  Because remember, you clone out and I will smash you and your brother in the face with a sledgehammer.”
30 The birthday party is in the basement because Hysteria hates crowds and doesn’t want to have a birthday party for the baby.  At least her “best friend” can be with them for little Rage’s big moment!

Alex: “Someone shut that screecher up!  I can hear him all the way down in my hole and that’s saying something!”31Hysteria: “You.  Stupid.  Get over here and cheer for my son’s birthday.”

Alex: “Er.  Sure.  But only if I get some cake from all this.”

Hysteria: “Yeah yeah.  But only because you don’t need to starve.  Consider yourself lucky you get hungry, whelp.”32Actually Hetal seemed to be the one that wanted to cake the baby this time, so Hysteria let her do the honors.

Alex: “Tbfh I’d rather have some chicken drums.  The wolven cravings that I feel require meat to fill me up, not confections.”

Hysteria: “Cry a fucking river and deal with it.”33Hetal: “There I did my duty, I’ll be in the kitchen, having full control over whatever I want to eat, unlike Alex over there.”

Dee Dee: “Happy birthday, little Rage!  Say, I haven’t been in this part of the house!  What’s, uh, going on behind the glass wall exactly??”

Hysteria: “Mind your damn business about it or you’ll end up on the other side of it finding out personally.”

Dee Dee: “Haha, what the funk”34Rage turned out to be a mix!  So he’s probably going to be heir.

Hysteria: “Wicked can still be in the running, but I assure you he’s going to be put in a literal blender first if he does.”

Rage: “Yaaay, no bwender for mee!”35Rage: “Oh Tuberculosis.  I’m so happy to have you in my life and time of need.  We will be best friends for all time!”

Tuberculosis: “Please allow me to be dead inside forever.”36Rick: “That was an excellent party you kinda threw, Mrs.  Fallen!  Say, mind if I had a piece of cake to celebrate as well?”

Hysteria: “Sure!  As long as you don’t mind stopping your work of cleaning my house and ending up locked in the basement with your predecessor, be my guest!”

Alex: “Snoozies”37Alex doesn’t like painting I think, but she does use the easel in her own entertaining manner.

Alex: “TAKE THIS AND WEEP MORTAL WOODEN FRAMEWORK” *Slaps bitchingly*

Cake: “What the hell did it ever do to you”38Alex: “Sigh.  I thought life as a prisoner was supposed to be more stress free and relaxing than it is.”

And I thought you were going to stop being a broken werewolf two days ago.

Alex: “Maybe I should focus on actually escaping after all.  Go out and live my life.  Actually order food at Church’s Chicken, ffs”39Justice and Dee Dee don’t do much during this time.  All they want to do lately is pork.

Justice: “With a wife as irresistible as mine, how can I help it!”

As long as it has nothing really to do with a mid-life crisis, this is better.  I guess.
40Alex hates art.  I caved and replaced it with some mind numbing television.

Alex: “Good.  I hate the Game of Thrones.  I can’t wait to watch the final season end.”41Alex: “Wait, does that mean the game has noticed me missing?  Have I finally been rescued!  Please Nraas Overwatch, I need saving down here!”

Well, you didn’t move while I was looking at you so the rescue mission has failed?

Alex: “UGH, Nraas Overwatch is useless!  Someone send the REAL Overwatch!!  Tracer, Hammond, SOMEONE, I NEED a rotisserie chicken over here!!”42Hetal: “Now, here’s the deal, little fella.  If you’re going to be the ruling Warlock of this family, you must learn how to depend on no one but yourself to survive.  This is your first test.  You must learn to live alone in the woods.  If you fail, then well, it won’t be anyone’s problem anymore now will it?”

Rage: “Mama?”

Hetal: “Ain’t no “mama” here for you, boy.  If you befriend a hive of feral animals to raise you, then alright, but remember if I see you so much as on our porch I’m flinging you into a crevasse.”

This is probably the most interacting she is ever going to have with either child.
43Hope: “Can someone help me?  I’m trying to take the long way around so I don’t have to go near Hetal’s naked butt, but I can’t force my physical form through a baby crib, now can I.”

Hetal: “Can we just get rid of the crib altogether?  We don’t need it!  Grace has the oven and I’ve released Rage into the woods!  Oh, and Wicked is in a dumpster I think.  So this crib is a waste of space.”

Dee Dee: “Angery”44Hetal: “I can’t believe you missed the school bus because you didn’t want to make eye contact with my ass!  I should place a curse on you for the rest of your days for this!!”

Hope: “Come on!  It doesn’t have to be like that!  This house is a maze of route failures between here and the stairs as it is!”45Hope: “That being said, you will let me off the hook, right?”

Hetal: “OFF THE HOOK?  I’M ABOUT TO TOSS YOU INTO THE HIGHEST TOWER THIS TOWN WILL PERMIT ME TO BUILD AND LOCK YOU THERE UNTIL SOME WHITE KNIGHT ASSHOLE STABS ME IN THE HEART WITH A HOLY SWORD AND RESCUES YOU wait no YOU WILL BE DOING CHORES FOR A WEEK that’s better”46Justice: “I returned to rescue you.  I won’t stab Hetal over this, but I will give her a stern talking to about disciplining my child.”

Hope: “No you won’t.  You’ll be too concerned about her starving and bake a souffle and forget about it.”

Hetal: “She’s right.  And I’m starving now.  Where’s Grace?”47Hope: “Anyway.  Off to school.  So can someone PLEASE someone shut the yard baby up?!”

Rage: “I CAN’T EAT ACORNS HELP ME SQUIRREL FRIENDS”

HAS NO ONE REALLY RESCUED RAGE YET48Hysteria: “Apparently not, but Alex has been.”

Shit, I knew it was only a matter of time before they got Alex.49*Force-poofs Alex back into her crate*

Alex: “Aw come on”

This time I used Nraas to make her a “roommate”.  I still have no control over her, but now she can actually use things easier, than she did as a “houseguest”.

Alex: “AW COME ON”

Shut up and enjoy your new gift of a radio.  That should make you happier, I suppose.
50Rage: “Can I tell you a secret, Tubie?”

Tuberculosis: “No.”

Rage: “I actually like my squirrel buddies.  They take care of me and fend off the stray dogs that’ll eat me if given the chance.”

I’m surprised he’s still ok out there.
51Alex: “Forget the baby!  It’s my birthday!  I even have half a cake left over to celebrate!  Hurray for me!!”

No one cares, even I cared so little I accidentally sized the photo down too much.  Oops.52Here’s your birthday present, Alex.  You get the easel back.

Alex: “What is this shit”53Hmm, yes Rick.  That totally looks like what you were hired for and nothing unnecessary at all.

Hysteria: “I’m planning the basement wall extensions as we speak :)”54Aww, he built us a dirt chair!  Aren’t we just the luckiest family in the world?55Here you go, Alex.  Another birthday present for you.

Alex: *Has finally learned how to use the bed covers*56Justice: “Come, Grace.  I really want to finish your skilling and your birthday is fast approaching.  I finally tore myself away from my wife long enough to ensure you know all you need to before turning into a child!”57Justice: “Oh wait.  It’s not your birthday but Wicked’s birthday first.  Oh well *Instantly stops skilling*”

Keep procrastinating and see where that gets you, Justice.58Hysteria: “I don’t care about the rest of your skills, but I do love you.  And I will love you forever.  Until you shit on the floor because you don’t know how to use the toilet, but right now, I love you forever.”

Hope: “The wall is in my way.”59Hysteria: “It’s a lovely day to have a cake, isn’t it?”

Justice: “THESE HAIL STONES ARE CRACKING MY SKULL OPEN”

Hysteria: “See?  Lovely.”60Once again, no party to make Hysteria’s life a little easier.

Justice: “Happy birthday little Wicked!”

Hysteria: “Yeah happy birthday, dude!”

Hetal: *Grumble grumble* “I’m getting dragged out of bed for this bullshittery”61Wicked is actually really cool looking, clone or not, but he got the virtuoso trait, which is eh.

Wicked: “I plan on writing and singing songs, and creating my own musical one day.  My first musical will be my autobiography and I will self title it after myself as well.”

I think someone already beat you to the punch with that title, kid.62Justice: “You finally have a playmate your age, Hope!  Aren’t you excited to hang out with him?”

Wicked: “Mama please look at me”

Hetal: “I’D RATHER DIE”

Hysteria: “This is going well.”63The end of the chapter, where the game tells me Nascar, of all people, got demoted to Top Gun, which honestly hardly sounds like a demotion.

Nascar: “They really shouldn’t fire me and then give me guns.  They gon’ n’ pissed off the wrong old robot!!”

Disaster waiting to happen.

Secret Secret Basement

Last chapter, Baal died.  Uhhh, birthdays.  Uuuhh, Hetal’s pregnant.  Thas all.1That doesn’t look like Grace to me, Justice.

Justice: “I’m working on it.”

No you’re not, you’re going to quit halfway through and forget what you’re doing.

Justice: “Nonsense, pick up Wicked first, then take care of my child.  Hopefully.”

I can’t make her do anything.2Justice: “I’m so happy my daughter sees me as her friend.  I’m so happy to be apart of her life, as much as I know I am to hers!”

Don’t you wish you shared that kind of love with your son, Hetal?

Hetal: “I have no son.”3Can you hear the absolute noise in this photo?

I’m fucking miserable.4In the garage, I built a basement to hold all the stupid things the girls want to spend money on.  A place to come, unwind, and not look at the nauseating wallpaper and paint for a little while, because I’m leaving it beige for that exact reason.5Hysteria: “I love him and would die for him.”

The only true love in her life I think.6In very unrelated news, she caught a new bug for the kitchen display.  It’s the silver melting turd next to the rock.

Red Butterfly: “Great.  Now we have to be extra beautiful to make up for our newfound friend’s grossness.”

Blue Butterfly: “I feel bad for him though.  He’s trying so hard to render and he’s stuck in a stupid broken container where his climbing stick isn’t even touching the wall.  He’s got a hard life.”
7Hysteria: “This is how the baby’s made, EE AY EE AY OH”

Hetal: “Do you not see I have a knife here”8Hysteria: “Oh you’re starving (what a surprise)?  Here, let me fix that with you with some good old remote control radiation.”

Hetal: “You devil bitch, I was looking forward to this stir fry all day and you got to ruin my appetite with that thing?  You’re disgusting.”

Hysteria: “IKR”9Hysteria: “You may disappoint Hetal, but I will never turn my back on you, unlike my mothers before me.  You never know what potential you carry within you.”

Hysteria is unnaturally caring so far in this chapter.

Hysteria: “Just so you know if you’re younger sibling is a clone as well I’m breaking both of your noses permanently with my fists.”

There’s the usual Hysteria.10Carmen: “Wow, someone has already busted the piñata here.”

Arwing: “NYAAA~~”

Carmen is Serenity’s son, by the way.  He’s evil.11Carmen: “Hey Aunt J.  Mom was right, your house is fucking ugly.  I’m going to torch it from the safety of the kitchen, alright?  Later.”

Justice: “What”12Grace’s birthday ended up taking second fiddle to Arwing getting a makeover.  I couldn’t stand that her elder outfit was so blah, so I worked on giving her a new look.

Arwing: “WITH MY MEGAMIND, I WILL FINALLY ANNIHILATE THE HUMAN RACE, AS I WAS BORN TO DO”13Ended up going the pretty, cutesy route instead.  And she is BEAUTIFUL!  Look!  She loves it!  She’s actually smiling!

Arwing: “:)”

For the record, the purple streaks going down her cheek spikes?  That’s eyeshadow.
14Oh and Grace.  She is actually REALLY adorable.

I love Hope, but I really want Grace to get the good trait if possible.15Anyway.  Cue the misery.

Hetal: “Haha, YES!  The boy is good for something after all.”16And of course.  What’s a good party without some end-game tragedy?

We didn’t pan over here just because you wasted a whole head of fucking lettuce on the floor, Wrath.

Wrath: “Did you hear about the guy that ran in front of a bus?  He got tired.”17Wrath: “Wait, no what’s happening??  I’M not tired!”18Death: “Whoever built this house is on that crystal.”

I deleted the room next to it soon after anyway, Death.  Shut up.
19Wrath: “MY BEE SISTERS!  As my final wish as your Queen, I demand to be avenged!  Vengeance upon those that caused my death!”

Death: “Wrath, the bees are dead.  They’ve been dead for years.  Those are flies.  And they do not care to avenge your death because you like, tripped on a head of lettuce you put on the floor.”

Happiness: “So does that mean no salad for dinner tonight?”20Happiness: “Why is this happening to me?  I was beginning to love her!  Granted, she never returned my feelings, but who will I pine for and wish to kiss now?”

No one?  You can mourn this death on your own, Happiness.

RIP Wrath.  Gen 3 heiress, she wasn’t officially evil but she did some mean ass shit.  Goodbye.21Justice: “I’m getting better!”

Soon, we will be done with this horrific table.  Just got to keep wishing for anything else, Justice.22Justice: “So then like I told Ramiel here, I said, “sir if it wasn’t for your terrible parallel parking, do you really think I would have found that dead hooker in your trunk?  You’re the only one to blame for your absolutely horrendous driving skills.””

Janet: “I could not care less.”

Justice: “But… you’re my work partner…”23Justice: “Whatever, don’t need your friendship to be successful at my job.  Later gator.”

It’s the dragon, he’s keeping her perfectly balanced on the broom so she doesn’t drag her face on the pavement if she falls off.  This I know from experience.24Hetal: “Oh no!  The fetus!  It’s moving!!”

I actually could care so less after the clone you gave us last time, Hetal.25Speaking of, he and his mommy are spending time downstairs.  It’s family time.

Hysteria: “Your choice of music is shit and if you don’t renounce Mozart and listen to my upcoming SoundCloud release I will disown you afterall.”

Wicked: *boogie dancing*26Hetal: “Whatever, I don’t need attention or a hospital,  I had this baby and hid the afterbirth in Dee Dee’s shoes.”

If I can help it, this is the last baby of the gen, Rage.  He is a virtuoso and he’s easily impressed.  His favorites involve spooky music, the color lilac, and whatever porcini risotto is.

Rage: “It’s-a Italiano, you-a Americano, learn-a some-a culture, aaaayyy Tony”

What do you know about culture, you’re 1.3 seconds old.27Hysteria: “Taught the baby to say methylprednisolone.  Now he knows all the pharmaceutical terms he can’t fail first grade.”

Or at least a pro at the potions table.28Speaking of.

Justice: “Um.  Did you get in our potions table again?”

Hetal: “Bitch, no.  I was trying to trick Hope into crawling into the oven, but she tricked me!  Sneaky little skank.  She crawled in a circle and tripped me up and I fell in the oven!  I’m impressed but pissed off.”29So she took it out on Grace.

Grace: “Sob!  I was saving that in my diaper for later!  Mom, do something about it!”30Justice: “Can’t deal with this added stress right now, sweetie.  Mommy’s having a mid-life crisis and needs help of her own.  Sob.  I’m flabby.”

Grace: “Wow ok you are NOT assisting in this situation at all, mom.”31I have not ridded the children of their IF’s this gen, and since they keep them calm and entertained, I decided to let them have them.  I also have clearly abandoned whatever naming theme I got going for them and just gave them random shit at the time, thinking they wouldn’t be around forever.  But I accepted them as they are now.

Hope has The French Revolution as her IF.32Grace is stuck with good old Swedish Meatball.34Wicked’s IF is A Very Angry Cat.

Wicked: *Begins astral-projecting himself into another existence*35Justice: “Alright!  So the few people I invited to come to this birthday couldn’t make it, so let’s go ahead and welcome Hope into her next stage of life, shall we!”36Oh ok.  So no one cares.  That’s cool too.37And that’s one out of the toddler stage.  Because her birthday party was CLEARLY a full success I guess, Hope is now a party animal.38Hope: “Happy birthday to me!  Time to party!”

Angela: “Ok!  I’ll be the C in the YMCA!  You got to do the other ones though.”39Hetal: “Sigh, there they go.  Being all motherly and fond of each other, or whatever that is.  I wish I could partake in that kind of joy.”

Justice: “You only have two kids you can hang out with, Hetal.”
40Hetal: “Also, the fuck y’all do to this innocent room.”

Hope got her nursery decked out in her flavor.  I actually hate that pattern of rug, but with those colors, I think it looks good.41Justice: “Come my sweet baby!  You must learn to walk, or else you will risk being evil, and even so, you can’t be evil while laying on the floor your whole life!”42Kinda got to give Hetal some credit.  She’s trying her damnedest to be these kids’ friend.

Hetal: “And that’s why you need an umbrella, so Hell doesn’t rain down upon you and smash your skull in.”

Hope: “I think you mean hail.”

Hetal: “No I didn’t.”44Hetal: “Here you go!  Have snack!  I hid this from Hysteria so you could have some healthy probiotics in your lunch!”

Grace: “Holy shnizbits you’re actually the greatest!!”43Justice: “I love being friends with my children!  It makes my life go by so smoothly and adds years to my life!”

Hetal: “I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR CHILDREN AND HAVE YEARS ADDED AND SHIT TOO”45Justice: “Alright, break time is over!  Let’s get back to training you to walk, sweetie!”

Hetal: “It’s not fair!  I want to train her to walk and talk and whatever!  I want to be a mother too!  IT’S NOT FAIR!”46MEANWHILE.  He’s dying.

Hetal: “I DON’T FUCKING CARE”47And then you have

This bitch 

Wrath: “She wasted all that time and energy she chould be using doing the dishes and what she does is send MY personal pink bunny baby into that box with baby vomit and boogers, so I ASSURE you she will meet a horrific end.”

Alex: “My paycheck is going to my child support :)”48Hetal: “Damn girl you are looking like a snack today”

Hope: “That’s it, I AM calling the police on that one.”
49Hetal: “No you dumb shit, you are literally looking like something I would consume.  Bake you up in some nacho cheese and harvest your youth as a queso dip.”

Hope: “Well so much for your friendship.”50Hetal: “That’s right!  The act of motherhood and friendship is a ploy!  Just to get close enough to bore you to sleep and smash you up like an avocado!  Quick!  Get me the meat tenderizer!”51Her mother rescued her and took her to school.

Hetal: “Sob… that’s… that’s just not fair… my queso…”52Hetal: “Uh, quick question.  Who’s the man and why is he in our all female haven?”

Hysteria: “Did you leave the bathroom window unlocked again?”

Rick: “Why, it’s just me, Rick Lee, your new maid and replacement for Alex, whom retired at the ripe age of 32 on the money you paid her.  Told me it was a very easy job.  I’m just taking over!”53Rick: “What-a was wrong-a with mah face-a”

Better.  However, Alex up and abandoning us?  That does not bode well with the family.  Especially with her shitty half ass job.
54Hysteria called her over for a “hang out” and she instantly appeared on the sidewalk.  Like she was anticipating it or something.

Alex: “I knew they were going to hate Rick.  I knew they were going to beg for me back.  So I hid in the truck of the maid car waiting for them to call me, and honestly, I didn’t think they would do so so quickly.”

Rick: “I’m over here actually doing the job, la dee da, this is actually fun!”55Alex: “Look I couldn’t do the job any longer!  Too much work, too much stress, and while the pay and free food was great, I can’t keep having to get my nails redone every time I scruff them against literally anything.”

Hetal: “Yeah well, good luck explaining that to my wife.  She’s pissed.”

Alex: “Oh don’t worry about her, I got exactly the thing that bitch needs from me to get over herself…”56Alex: “Pretty flowers for a pretty lady!!”

Hysteria: “Awww, Alex!  I didn’t know you felt that way!  You shouldn’t have!”57Hysteria: “Really.  You shouldn’t have.”

Alex: “Aw, just forgive me for abandoning the job and remember I’m literally your only friend in this town outside your wife and that booger you call a kid.”

Hysteria: “This is true.  And for that, I feel, in due of our friendship, I should show you a secret surprise reserved for only the most trusted people in my circle.”58Alex: “Oh wow!  A secret gaming basement?!  I didn’t know you ever had this!”

Hysteria: “You would know that if you actually bothered to do the fucking laundry like I hired you for, since the staircase is right next to the dryer, but alas, that’s in our past now.”59Hysteria: “And even more secret than a gaming basement, here’s the door to our Secret-SECRET basement room!  With even a cooler surprise inside!”

Alex: “Aw right!  Well what are we waiting for, the suspense is killing me!”60Alex: “Huh.  That’s all there is?  Some furniture and an art easel?  Can’t say I’m completely won over with this set up.”

Hysteria: “Oh, don’t worry, you really have no choice.”61Alex: “Wait, what do you mean by that? Agony?  Where did you go?  Where did the door go?  Hello?  Are you still there??”62Hysteria: “And just like that.  That’s what happens when you put MY personal pink rabbit plushie away in the stinky baby toybox, my “Dearest Friend”.”

And chapter ends for now.  What will happen to Alex?  How long will she stay in the basement?  Will she suffer her fate forever?  Or will Twallan’s Overwatch be an asshole and rescue her as a “stuck sim” like I’m anticipating (spoiler alert, it do.  But what will become of Alex afterwards anyway, HMMMMM?)

Find out whenever.