The Wall Goblin
Its the beginning of summer. And Justice is still catching the flu every other week still.
Justice: “It’s ok! I put my trust in my Healing Stones, and I’ll be healed one day soon!”
That explains it.There is some good news though! After ages of trying to satisfy the girls’ needs for science and (explosions), I believe they are finally sated, and the potions table is long gone! Replaced with one of now many clothes hampers for this clothes filled house.Hetal: “This one. I have hope for this one. THIS is the chosen one that I may imprint on to further my legacy.”
Wicked: “PLEASE, I AM DYING AND NEED SUSTENANCE”Hetal: “Oh my fucking Satan, here you go, you little shit. Only the finest of Chernobyl tower cooling water for you.”
Wicked: “I will treasure it forever!!”Hope is a good kid. Quiet, for a party animal.
Hope: “One day I will head this household, Frenchie. And when I do, oh, soooooo many parties. So many.”Hysteria: “A small baby like you doesn’t need this anyway. You can definitely choke on the stick alone and die and no one will know it until rigor mortis sets in, as often as you are checked every day. I am confiscating it because I’m such a good person.”
Grace: “NO, I paid for that with my personal income!!”Grace: “If anyone needs to be punished, take a lollipop away from Wicked! He’s the one failing over here!!”
Hysteria: “Yeah well if Hetal would actually do something about him and stop twerking her naked ass on the wall and being useless, this wouldn’t happen.”Last chapter, useless maid Alex retired and was sealed in the wall of the basement for Hysteria’s amusement. I added a window wall so she can be viewed now. Like a personal little zoo.Alex: “Oh don’t worry. I have a secret up my sleeve that will bust me out in no time.”
Yes, we already can tell you’re a werewolf. It’s not really a well kept secret.Alex: “YES!! SO BEHOLD! WITH THE POWER OF THE MOON FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS, I WILL BURST THROUGH MY RESTRAINTS TO FREEDOM!!”
Alex: “WITNESS MY ULTIMATE FORM OF POWER!”
OH FUCK ITS A GOBLINAlex: “COUGH cough, uegh, actually, on second thought, if I’m a prisoner in these walls, I don’t actually have to pay my mortgage ever again…”Alex: “Soooo, yeah… this is an ok living arrangement. I can accept this.”
Well she was easy to make content.Hysteria: “Either my wife is really stupid and doesn’t realize I’m in the house, and that we have been married for ages now, or she thinks its hot to put nudes of herself in the mailbox for just anyone to find, but if it’s the latter, that’s kinda hot and she’s getting this ass tonight.”Hope avoids the family by sleeping on the bench at the school alone.Hope: “That’s ok! Because my friend is here now! And we are going to practice playing chess together.”
I wouldn’t trust a friend like that.So for the entirety of 10 seconds I forgot that this was the name of Hope’s IF. I guessed someone somewhere was mobbing up for a riot.On the other hand, at least Wicked is having a good time with that cat.Back in the basement, Alex’s fridge (which she wasn’t using anyway) had to be deleted because the family was trying their damnedest to use it instead of the better one in the kitchen and the constant route failure was probably giving them brain damage. I just have to remember to throw her a steak bone down here every so often so she doesn’t starve.
Alex: *Begins to run out of black printer ink*Justice: “This is hockeysticks! I refuse to make dinner unless I have access to the newest appliance in the garage basement! Alex tells me that THAT fridge has better yogurt!!”
Dee Dee: “Didn’t you just hear the narrator? That fridge was gotten rid of and now all we have is this one.”
Justice: “It’s not the one I WANT! Add it back! I want that fracking yogurt!!”Dee Dee: “Sigh, I can clearly see you’re just bugging out now. There. I conjured a newer, better, more evenly colored fridge. For your sake. Will you please calm yourself now?”
Justice: *Sniff* “No…. I never got any of that good Yoplait…”
Dee Dee: “Fine, I’ll just have a fend-for-yourself dinner night.”Edgardo: “You know what I haven’t had in generations? Macaroni and cheese. Not since it was banned from the household in my lifetime.”
Justice: “Can you stop showing off the new fridge already?! I need to access the crappy cheap one that is locked away in the walls for the goblin Agony locked up, and I will not move from this spot until it is returned to us!”
Since Justice would not see reason (and from this point was more or less stuck in this spot) she was reset.
Look everyone! Toaster BREAD!! HAHAHAHAHAHGILAJGKDLAJGKDLJFAKLD5
Toaster: “If anyone puts that name on the birth certificate of my child I will hurl the entire hospital into the sun.”Here’s our yellow ray of sunshine and future radiation.
Felicity: “Not if my good looks and genetics have anything to say about that!!”
Do I ever wish you the best of luck with that then.Across town, Janelle (or Janine? I can’t differentiate the sisters right now) has also given birth, and following the theme of J-names, this is Jenny.
Sabrina: “You let them in the house. Why, in the fuck, would you let them in my house???”Across town, Agony’s daughter aged up and I absolutely HAD to check her genetics to see if she inherited her mother’s face-job or not.
And she did, but she didn’t come out half bad! Her lips were caved-in so I gave her some mercy and plumped them out a bit, because she shouldn’t have to suffer because her mother had a blotched plastic surgery job. And we all know plastic surgery is inheritable.
Tenisha: “My only goal in life is to go back in time and model for the Mona Lisa. I will be that bitch.”
You’re well on your way to that goal now.Jarrett: “I don’t understand what everyone in town is saying about her… she’s beautiful to me. The most beautiful woman I have ever personally laid eyes on.”
You would think that.
Agony: “Who let him in my house? Tenisha, get in here! Why, in the fuck, would you let him in my house???”Returning to the house just in time for little Rage’s birthday.
Hysteria: “May the Dark Ones bless you with the gift of good looks, my child! Because remember, you clone out and I will smash you and your brother in the face with a sledgehammer.”
The birthday party is in the basement because Hysteria hates crowds and doesn’t want to have a birthday party for the baby. At least her “best friend” can be with them for little Rage’s big moment!
Alex: “Someone shut that screecher up! I can hear him all the way down in my hole and that’s saying something!”Hysteria: “You. Stupid. Get over here and cheer for my son’s birthday.”
Alex: “Er. Sure. But only if I get some cake from all this.”
Hysteria: “Yeah yeah. But only because you don’t need to starve. Consider yourself lucky you get hungry, whelp.”Actually Hetal seemed to be the one that wanted to cake the baby this time, so Hysteria let her do the honors.
Alex: “Tbfh I’d rather have some chicken drums. The wolven cravings that I feel require meat to fill me up, not confections.”
Hysteria: “Cry a fucking river and deal with it.”Hetal: “There I did my duty, I’ll be in the kitchen, having full control over whatever I want to eat, unlike Alex over there.”
Dee Dee: “Happy birthday, little Rage! Say, I haven’t been in this part of the house! What’s, uh, going on behind the glass wall exactly??”
Hysteria: “Mind your damn business about it or you’ll end up on the other side of it finding out personally.”
Dee Dee: “Haha, what the funk”Rage turned out to be a mix! So he’s probably going to be heir.
Hysteria: “Wicked can still be in the running, but I assure you he’s going to be put in a literal blender first if he does.”
Rage: “Yaaay, no bwender for mee!”Rage: “Oh Tuberculosis. I’m so happy to have you in my life and time of need. We will be best friends for all time!”
Tuberculosis: “Please allow me to be dead inside forever.”Rick: “That was an excellent party you kinda threw, Mrs. Fallen! Say, mind if I had a piece of cake to celebrate as well?”
Hysteria: “Sure! As long as you don’t mind stopping your work of cleaning my house and ending up locked in the basement with your predecessor, be my guest!”
Alex: “Snoozies”Alex doesn’t like painting I think, but she does use the easel in her own entertaining manner.
Alex: “TAKE THIS AND WEEP MORTAL WOODEN FRAMEWORK” *Slaps bitchingly*
Cake: “What the hell did it ever do to you”Alex: “Sigh. I thought life as a prisoner was supposed to be more stress free and relaxing than it is.”
And I thought you were going to stop being a broken werewolf two days ago.
Alex: “Maybe I should focus on actually escaping after all. Go out and live my life. Actually order food at Church’s Chicken, ffs”Justice and Dee Dee don’t do much during this time. All they want to do lately is pork.
Justice: “With a wife as irresistible as mine, how can I help it!”
As long as it has nothing really to do with a mid-life crisis, this is better. I guess.
Alex hates art. I caved and replaced it with some mind numbing television.
Alex: “Good. I hate the Game of Thrones. I can’t wait to watch the final season end.”Alex: “Wait, does that mean the game has noticed me missing? Have I finally been rescued! Please Nraas Overwatch, I need saving down here!”
Well, you didn’t move while I was looking at you so the rescue mission has failed?
Alex: “UGH, Nraas Overwatch is useless! Someone send the REAL Overwatch!! Tracer, Hammond, SOMEONE, I NEED a rotisserie chicken over here!!”Hetal: “Now, here’s the deal, little fella. If you’re going to be the ruling Warlock of this family, you must learn how to depend on no one but yourself to survive. This is your first test. You must learn to live alone in the woods. If you fail, then well, it won’t be anyone’s problem anymore now will it?”
Hetal: “Ain’t no “mama” here for you, boy. If you befriend a hive of feral animals to raise you, then alright, but remember if I see you so much as on our porch I’m flinging you into a crevasse.”
This is probably the most interacting she is ever going to have with either child.
Hope: “Can someone help me? I’m trying to take the long way around so I don’t have to go near Hetal’s naked butt, but I can’t force my physical form through a baby crib, now can I.”
Hetal: “Can we just get rid of the crib altogether? We don’t need it! Grace has the oven and I’ve released Rage into the woods! Oh, and Wicked is in a dumpster I think. So this crib is a waste of space.”
Dee Dee: “Angery”Hetal: “I can’t believe you missed the school bus because you didn’t want to make eye contact with my ass! I should place a curse on you for the rest of your days for this!!”
Hope: “Come on! It doesn’t have to be like that! This house is a maze of route failures between here and the stairs as it is!”Hope: “That being said, you will let me off the hook, right?”
Hetal: “OFF THE HOOK? I’M ABOUT TO TOSS YOU INTO THE HIGHEST TOWER THIS TOWN WILL PERMIT ME TO BUILD AND LOCK YOU THERE UNTIL SOME WHITE KNIGHT ASSHOLE STABS ME IN THE HEART WITH A HOLY SWORD AND RESCUES YOU wait no YOU WILL BE DOING CHORES FOR A WEEK that’s better”Justice: “I returned to rescue you. I won’t stab Hetal over this, but I will give her a stern talking to about disciplining my child.”
Hope: “No you won’t. You’ll be too concerned about her starving and bake a souffle and forget about it.”
Hetal: “She’s right. And I’m starving now. Where’s Grace?”Hope: “Anyway. Off to school. So can someone PLEASE someone shut the yard baby up?!”
Rage: “I CAN’T EAT ACORNS HELP ME SQUIRREL FRIENDS”
HAS NO ONE REALLY RESCUED RAGE YETHysteria: “Apparently not, but Alex has been.”
Shit, I knew it was only a matter of time before they got Alex.*Force-poofs Alex back into her crate*
Alex: “Aw come on”
This time I used Nraas to make her a “roommate”. I still have no control over her, but now she can actually use things easier, than she did as a “houseguest”.
Alex: “AW COME ON”
Shut up and enjoy your new gift of a radio. That should make you happier, I suppose.
Rage: “Can I tell you a secret, Tubie?”
Rage: “I actually like my squirrel buddies. They take care of me and fend off the stray dogs that’ll eat me if given the chance.”
I’m surprised he’s still ok out there.
Alex: “Forget the baby! It’s my birthday! I even have half a cake left over to celebrate! Hurray for me!!”
No one cares, even I cared so little I accidentally sized the photo down too much. Oops.Here’s your birthday present, Alex. You get the easel back.
Alex: “What is this shit”Hmm, yes Rick. That totally looks like what you were hired for and nothing unnecessary at all.
Hysteria: “I’m planning the basement wall extensions as we speak :)”Aww, he built us a dirt chair! Aren’t we just the luckiest family in the world?Here you go, Alex. Another birthday present for you.
Alex: *Has finally learned how to use the bed covers*Justice: “Come, Grace. I really want to finish your skilling and your birthday is fast approaching. I finally tore myself away from my wife long enough to ensure you know all you need to before turning into a child!”Justice: “Oh wait. It’s not your birthday but Wicked’s birthday first. Oh well *Instantly stops skilling*”
Keep procrastinating and see where that gets you, Justice.Hysteria: “I don’t care about the rest of your skills, but I do love you. And I will love you forever. Until you shit on the floor because you don’t know how to use the toilet, but right now, I love you forever.”
Hope: “The wall is in my way.”Hysteria: “It’s a lovely day to have a cake, isn’t it?”
Justice: “THESE HAIL STONES ARE CRACKING MY SKULL OPEN”
Hysteria: “See? Lovely.”Once again, no party to make Hysteria’s life a little easier.
Justice: “Happy birthday little Wicked!”
Hysteria: “Yeah happy birthday, dude!”
Hetal: *Grumble grumble* “I’m getting dragged out of bed for this bullshittery”Wicked is actually really cool looking, clone or not, but he got the virtuoso trait, which is eh.
Wicked: “I plan on writing and singing songs, and creating my own musical one day. My first musical will be my autobiography and I will self title it after myself as well.”
I think someone already beat you to the punch with that title, kid.Justice: “You finally have a playmate your age, Hope! Aren’t you excited to hang out with him?”
Wicked: “Mama please look at me”
Hetal: “I’D RATHER DIE”
Hysteria: “This is going well.”The end of the chapter, where the game tells me Nascar, of all people, got demoted to Top Gun, which honestly hardly sounds like a demotion.
Nascar: “They really shouldn’t fire me and then give me guns. They gon’ n’ pissed off the wrong old robot!!”
Disaster waiting to happen.