Tans, Sinks, and Eyebrows
Hello, to our 69th post on 4/20!! AYYYY (actually this was technically finished on the 21st because the universe decided I needed a migraine on the 20th instead FUCKING DICK sob)
To celebrate this holy kushy holiday, we have 69 photos for this chapter. The post itself, however, is pot free I’m afraid.Hope: “And that’s a good thing! As much as the chemical gives you a good boost to your mood, abuse of the drug itself is dangerous and toxic to your health in certain ways, if you aren’t careful.”
Wicked: “That’s just pussy talk. You just aren’t injecting the marijuanas right.”
Justice: “Oh kids, no drug talk at the table, it’s a drug free part of the house.”
Hope: “We LITERALLY had a chemical table in here for most of my life, mom.”Justice: “And please face the other way at the table, Hetal. It’s family time, and the birthday of your son, you should at least participate in the conversation.”
Hetal: “And you can participate in minding your own fucking business.”
Wicked: *sad eating noises*Justice: “I see Rick made a run for it while he was still young and smart.”
Chanda: “I’m here to wash your windows. Bathe your furniture. Baste the turkey. I promise I’ll do a better job than any predecessor you had before me.”
And then she did, it was nice.However the game gave us TWO maids this time and this one is the most useless I have ever had, and leaves Chanda to do all the work on her own.
Jan: “I’ll let you suck my blood if you let me suck your di-”
Please die somewhere far away like in the center of the ocean, Jan. I already hate you.The house got another extension for Wicked’s new room, so now whenever Rage is let back into the house he can have the old nursery.How’s living alone going for you, Happiness?
Happiness: “I’VE BEEN GETTING PELTED AT BY HAIL ALL MORNING, WHEN IS IT SUPPOSED TO STOP??”
I mean it’s only been going for several hours, I’m pretty sure that was your first clue at staying out of the pool in the first place.Nice tan for a vampire though. Not sure why your skin is melting off as if you’re made out of cotton candy.
Happiness: “I mean, I am a vampire with a tan. It’s probably so contradicting that the game can’t fathom the idea and that’s why my body is literally sloughing off of me right now. Please hand me a shirt and some bandaids.”
The house is still FUCKING NASTY and even though the house across the street has two maids now, no one is touching this one, so its time to bring Betel back once again.
Betel: *Spawns outside of her closet so she doesn’t have to touch the eyesore physically*Betel: “OH GOD, OH MAN, OH GOD, OH MAN, OH GOD, OH MAN”
Yeah…… good luck, Betel, this is probably going to be your magnum opus.
TYRONE BREDTyrone: “Behold. I didn’t steal this one this time.”
Phillip, Son of Tyrone: *Is 45% eyeball*
Miriam: “Is this the brownies kicking in? Is this what my hallucinations look like on weed??”There is something unique about baby Phillip, but I can’t put my finger on it. I’m starting to think though, that the genetics of Arwing’s line are just too strong to be fully affected by whatever monster fucker they keep breeding with.
Phillip, Son of Tyrone: *THX start up noises*
Tyrone: “That’s my boy!”Justice: “Don’t mind me. I’m donating to charity. Must help those less fortunate than us. Yessir. Nothing out of the ordinary about me doing this at 3 in the morning. Nothing odd out here at all.”Justice: “Except for that that just ran out of my bushes, who in the FLIP FLOP ARE YOU”
???: “Um. I can explain… …..Ok, bye!”
Justice: “THAT EXPLAINED NOTHING”
Peace from the dirt: “MY LONG LOST CHILD probably, SOBBBBBAKRJOAIEGOFKJASLFAJK”
Tenisha grew up on a porch somewhere and she’s still continuing to be very pretty despite all challenges!! I’m proud of her.
Tenisha: “Who stole this BBQ’s paintjob”
Ah yes. A perfect job for a 13-15 year old girl. I’m sure she can’t wait to bust cold-cases in between geometry tests.Tenisha: “I spy with my private eye, dem tiddies”
Hysteria: “If you even try to report them stolen (which they are not, you have no proof) I’ll mess up your face too, mark my words.”Then Hysteria did it anyway.
Hysteria: “Hey, I only messed up your makeup. And to be fair, I think it’s vogue as fuck. So you should thank me instead, ungrateful little shit.”
Tenisha: “Vogue?? I look like a clown-mime hybrid, and if I had my real eyebrows back I’d be expressing fury on my face right now.”Here’s the full glory shot of her new look, since in-game won’t show her funky new eyelashes. Had it forever, and had to use those on someone one of these days, might as well be now.Alex: “Hey, I’m a werewolf now. They finally gave me my license from the Werewolf Committee. God it feels good to have real skin again.”
Marlena: “MACHINES like THIS EXIST?? Even during MY TIME?! There’s no way I can believe that, Jada!!”
Jada: “Yeah, I can believe you’re too stupid to believe it.”Marlena: “Ah. Modern technology, I knew it was too good to be true.”
Jada: “Really? You already broke it. My daughter is going to exorcise you one of these days, you know that right?”
Marlena: “What do you mean, I was getting exercise from this machine before it broke all on it’s own!”
Jada: “Nevermind.”Hetal: “Good job, bitch! You broke the one piece of equipment I didn’t know we had in the room I mostly ignore! My wife is going to be furious at you!!”
Jada: “Good, tell her to kill her again!”
Marlena: “:)”Hetal: “You seem like someone who would be impressed with my witchcraft skills! I may not have ridden a broomstick in years, but I assure you I’m the best there is.”
Marlena: “Amazing! I can see with that level of skill and expertise why Agony here chose you as her spouse.”Hysteria: “Honestly give me one good reason I don’t take those two useless hens and clock them in the head with this wrench for doing nothing but being in my way.”
Alex: *El snore*Happiness: “I am ignoring the sink in the kitchen screaming for the sweet release of death to play video games. Nothing kills a tan faster than nerding out on video games for a while. Let’s begin.”Happiness: “Wha… that’s totally not fair! Zenyatta’s at a disadvantage against Sombra’s ult ability as it is, there is no need to 2 v 1 me when I’m already left with no way to counter properly with the odds stacked against me as it is!!”
Hmmm, not pasty enough, he can get nerdier and go paler…Happiness: “Absolute and utter bullfart!! Winston’s ult with Ana’s ult is a waste of both because Winston does less damage when raging and nano’ed than he would just using his default Tesla Canon!! The track on the projectile, along with the boost on his already 60 dmg/second makes it more effective than getting slapped around in ult mode, plus, the only reason the Ana is not nanoing me and boosting my Reaper’s ult is because they queued together and I ASSURE you I will report them for poor teamwork!!”
THERE’S the pasty reflective sheen of vampiric skin that I… actually don’t remember being that white.
All regained after just seconds of video game playing. That’s the power of Xbox, baby.Meanwhile Betel has probably been doing this for a long time now.
Might help to, you know, fix the sink first? Just suggesting.
Betel: “I GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL!! AAAAAA”
I’m sure you do.
Hetal: “YOU DIDN’T DO IT! You kept putting off teaching her to use the toilet and now you’re too late!! She’ll never make it in time for her birthday and you know it!!”
Grace: “She’s right mama… I’m really tired of forcing the poopies I don’t even have right now…”
Justice: “Sigh. I guess you’re right… but just one more time!! She just has to try poopsies one more time and we can do it, I just know it!!”Justice: “Come, Grace! We are going to use the bathroom one more time! We have less than an hour before you grow up, and we are so close! I believe in you!”
Grace: “Do you? Because you’re walking in the opposite direction of the toilet.”Justice: “Just meet me down the bottom of the stairs so I can pick you up and take you to the bathroom! Quickly now, we are running out of time.”
Grace: “MOM, YOU’RE BUGGING OUT AGAIN, DO YOU REALLY THINK WE GOT TIME FOR THIS”Grace: “Whatever, if it gets mama out of this dumb broken stair loop then so be it.”
THAT’S NOT SAFE, GRACE
Grace: “I don’t CARE, I’m tired of her bugging on the staircase!”Grace: “Just so everyone knows, its about time to call someone for this asbestos. Real dusty back here.”
Grace: “A for effort, mama. You’ll get them next time.”
Justice: “Well, that’s just gravy.”
Grace: “So what do I do if I have to use the bathroom at school? Will they yell at me if I poop at my desk or do you think I can still fit in a diaper?”
Justice: “I have no one to blame but myself! UGH. If I could arrest myself I would!!”
Grace: “Yeah. I’m just as disappointed as you are. I think.”Now that she has pants, Grace is now a vegetarian. She only has one more chance at getting the Good trait or else she’s out of the heirship.
Now go eat a carrot, bitch.
Grace: “K”Grace’s crib is replaced with a bed now, so you have no choice but to sleep in your own crib now, Rage.
Rage: “Joke’s on you, I’ve never been in a crib before in my life.”
Rage: “Yes, please continue to impale yourself in the ladder!! The more you attempt to remove me from under this bed the worse you get!”
Justice: “Why is my day so bad today :(“Dee Dee: “Now that we have no more toddlers, you are on your own! I’m retiring from the baby scene, and your kids have no reason to be in my kid’s room. Take your kid and go on with your evil self, Hetal!”
Hetal: “Now is that any way to turn a child away when he needs someone to care and raise him?”
Dee Dee: “You LITERALLY put him out in the woods for like two days! Who are you to talk!!”Hetal: “Yeah you’re right. Come Rage. I’ll show you the inside of the washing machine.”
Dee Dee: “What”Alex: “I feel the power of the moon! It FLOWS THROUGH MY VEINS!!”
Cynthia: “OH MY LORD!! A WEREWOLF!! THE ABSOLUTE HORROR!!”Alex: “THAT’S RIGHT, LOOK UPON MY FORM AND TREM… did you really just piss on my carpet.”
Cynthia: “So sorry about that… I have a weak bladder and it just happens sometimes.”
Alex: “This sucks, I don’t even have any paper towels in here, the smell will last for weeks!! Also wait a second…”Alex: “Y-you’re a GHOST!”
Cynthia: “Uh yeah. I had forgotten about that actually. Glad to meet you I’m Cynthia. You can call me Cy. No one calls me Cy.”Cynthia: “Now if you don’t mind I’m passing out from the sheer terror of A WEREWOLF, SO SCARY!”
Alex: “Yeah yeah. Have fun with that, I’m going to go take a nap for 8 hours.”Cynthia: “Ok, so I know you just fell asleep and all, but ghost pee is really rank so you really need to leave the room so I can shower. I’d hate it if you happened to wake up and caught sight of my little ghost boobies.”Alex: “Really. Lady, do you not see this room? I LIVE here. I have no where to go. You’re just going to have to bathe somewhere else or deal with your pissy stink self on your own.”Cynthia: “WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS THIS MADHOUSE?!”
You contribute to it, Cynthia.The end of summer is around the corner, and considering how eternal the last winter was, it didn’t feel like summer even lasted. Enjoy the warmth while it lasts, kid.
Abandoned baby: “I’m dying”Hysteria: “I’m beauty, I’m grace…”Hysteria: “I’m thinking about smacking that baby in its fucking face.”
Pop your spine back into place first.The whiny baby in question carries the Good trait, so I got to make a note to keep an eye on him. Though the man that’s carrying him is Face One and if he’s the father, I’m already disappointed.
Hysteria: “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU”
Concession stand lady: “Um. I work here? Want a hot dog?”
Hysteria: “I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE A MYTH”
Lots of caps lock this chapterJustice: “I’m so happy to help the less fortunate! I love doing it in the middle of the night, this way Agony doesn’t yell at me for “wasting” money on charity!”
Easy way to make her happy at least.
Happiness: “Are you another summon to help with the cleanliness? If that’s the case, I’m gonna need you to start working on the dishes. I’ve been out for two weeks and I’m tired of eating directly on the counter tops.”
Wicked: “You dumb bastard, I can’t be alone after curfew, but if I follow Hetal she swings a bat at me. I figured the vampire and the skeleton across the street were safer.”
Happiness: “Well, I guess in that case, you aren’t wrong.”
Happiness: “We only have 4 beds left in the house, so make yourself at home in one of them.”
Wicked: “Too late”
Happiness: “Well I tried… Anyway, what’s on the late night channels?”Wicked: “I’ll be brutality honest. The sink is so ungodly loud, it’s keeping me up. How do you live like this with a swamp in your kitchen??”
Happiness: “At this point in my life, the sloppiness has actually grown on me and I know nothing else.”
Betel: *Is already drinking herself into a stupor probably*End of that. It’s time for a surprise for you, Hope! Head to the kitchen to see what it is!
Hope: “I already know it’s a birthday cake. I can see it from the window!! You can’t get me to go in there no matter how hard you try.”Angela: “Well I see you’re in here anyway.”
Hope: “I couldn’t eat the tree leaves. I guess puberty won’t be too bad, it’s worth this sherbet.”Hope: “Speaking of growing up, how in the fruit loop did you get to grow up before I did?”
Frenchie: “Hormones? Better genes? It’s not the steroids in your mother’s chemical concoctions from her potions days if that’s what you’re implying.”
Hope: “I didn’t imply…”Peace: “Hi”
Frenchie: “YES, a ghost!! Totally takes the heat off of me and the steroid use, which I’m not doing.”
Hope: “YES a gh-Oh I broke my wrist.”
Justice: “So you’re not mad at me anymore? For not teaching you to sit on the toilet right as a baby?”
Grace: “Mom, don’t worry about it. How hard can pooping be? You sit on the toilet, you do your thing. Only thing to do really is to sit. And I’m pretty sure sitting is the easiest thing in the world.”
Justice: “Um…… yeah, I guess so.”ANYWAY birthday ppls.
Tenisha: “You remember the game plan? I’ll get her good and distracted, you snatch your nose off of her face and make a mad run for it, ok?”
Agony: “And I already told you. It ain’t happening. I heard her wife is a witch and last thing I need is to be turned into a mushroom somewhere. Just drop the waffles off, and meet me back at the house after the caking.”
Then Agony left immediately and hid under her porch I suppose.Hope: “I guess being a teenager will be fun! Kinda can’t wait to go on dates and prom and learn to drive.”
Leonard: “And I can’t wait to bang your mom, damn girl you fine”Hope: “Now that Mama Dee Dee has smited that pervert to a crisp, what should I wish for?”
Tenisha: “If you love me can you wish for my eyebrows to grow back?”
Hope: “Considering how nice you are to stay for my birthday, I will!”Hope: “Actually I have to redact that wish and wish for some body fat, I’m sorry Tenisha.”
Dee Dee: “What”
Alice: “God feed your children, Dee Dee”THERE we go. Fixed and LOOKING GREAT. A wonderful mix of genes between the two mothers, SEE EVALIN’S BLOODLINE?! THIS IS HOW IT’S DONE.
Dee Dee: “Yay”
Alice: *Inhales all the air in the room*Justice: “I’m so glad you grew up to be such a lovely young lady, my daughter. But here’s the thing. I see your new Rebellious trait. Know that any inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated and even though you are my own daughter, I will be disappointed if you did the wrong things in life.”
Hope: “Oh mom. Don’t be silly. I’m a good person, I will only rebel against our corrupt systems, political wrong doings, and donate to the needy through charities.”
Justice: “GASP I love you.” Tenisha: “Sigh. To think my mother should have been over this dynasty. I would have been the heiress to be caked around here, made out all cute and have nice clothes and cool traits. Now I have no idea what my personality is at all and I look goofy beyond reason. This world is so cruel.”
Hope: “Oh calm down Tenisha. Have some cake. Chill a bit. Later I’m going to go egg some abusive senators and politicians, you can join me if you’d like!”
Tenisha: “I guess. Kinda sounds fun, I suppose.”Ending here, where Betel is stuck in an eternal struggle with the wall, this table, and a Forbidden Plate.
Betel: “If I go for the plate, the turret will shoot me. I may be undead, but that shit still hurts.”
Learn to think with portals, Betel.