Beef Cake Reynaldo
Betel 1: “Soooo, we just gonna ignore the puddle on the far side of the kitchen huh?”
Betel 2: “I didn’t cause it.”
Betel 3: “I didn’t cause it either!”
Betel 1: “Uh huh…”
Last chapter we saw Roderick and Anguish become engaged, and get married. Anguish turned Pandemic into a frog. Pandemic ate a baby chick in response. And Joy and Mercy had their toddler birthdays.After Anguish’s wedding, I realized Reynaldo wasn’t even home. Somehow he snuck off to the gym to play guitar. Why or how, I don’t know.Reynaldo: “Oh! I thought I recognized that familiar twanging. I didn’t think Happiness tagged along with me!”
Neither did I. Must have been a mutual “avoid-the-wedding” thing.Anguish: “Thanks for joining me out here, daddy! I figured with two of us, we could shock this thing into standing back up straight. I’m tired of it looking like an erection from the kitchen window every morning.”
Rage: “Yeah sure and all but couldn’t you have taken a bath before we came out here? You’ve been wearing that wedding dress for almost two days now haven’t you…”Weather Stone: “YOU HAVE APPEASED ME… FOR THIS, I GRANT YOU THE BOONE… MOUNTAIN DEW RAIN!!”
Anguish: “That’s neat! I guess. Green’s cool but Code Red version would have been much more cooler.”Rage: “Oh, you’re coming home with me, buddy?”
Horse: “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, dude. Figuratively.”
Anguish: “No dad, you got to speak his language to get on his good side. Ahem… NEIGGHHHHHFURGGFURGUFFUGFFF”
Horse: “What the fuck”Where on God’s green earth are you even going now, Anguish?!
Anguish: “Uh, home???? Can you not tell??”
No??????Exactly… how did you deduce that from her crawl space…
Anguish: “Her floor tiles taste expensive.”Love: “Alright. I know one of you is sneaking around this bar way too much. This isn’t what I hired you guys for, you know.”
Blue Betel: “You didn’t even hire us at all.”
Black Betel: “Honestly it’s not us, it’s the ghost haunting the kitchen I swear!”
Marlena: *Drinks nervously*Oh!! YES? I will take any boost any where I can get, please!PERFECT. I worried about her for a while there, but Hope pulled through in the end. Now I only have to worry about Rage. I know I said I had faith on him early on but I jinxed myself apparently because now he’s the one struggling to hit his LTW. Only time will tell now.Hope: “Hello everyone! I just got off work to tell you they finally promoted me to that creature cross bre-GOODNESS GLACIERS what in the HECK did you do to yourself”
Reynaldo: “Did you know there are treadmills at the gym?? I know, it shocked me too. Shocked the fat right out of my system.”REYNALDO. I only left you at the gym for ONE DAY.
Reynaldo: “I know right? I should look at treadmills more often.”Reynaldo: “Let’s celebrate with ten rounds of shots!!”
Of course you would.Love: “Yes! I hit the jackpot! I’m so excited to have such a beefcake for a husband!!”
Reynaldo: “Yes! Though I hope you still love me for who I am and not for what I look like now… my metabolism is extinct and I’ll probably regain weight after this two week bar binge I’m about to get started on…”Love: “Oh my darling. I always loved you for who you are. To me, you were always my beefcake, before, now, and in the future.”
Reynaldo: “That makes me happy.”Betel: “Oh girls. Heed my warning, and when you grow up, get you a GOOD paying job. Don’t do what I did in my youth. You’ll regret it if you get stuck like me, doing ungodly things in back alleys only to get murdered under a by pass and forced to clean toilets in the afterlife to legacy familes for the rest of eternity. Trust me, the money was good but it was just not worth it.”
Mercy: “Um, yeah we’llw wemember dat Ms. Betelw…”Anguish: “Hey uh… Hope please let your daughter know the pipes are busted again. Also let her know that I was never in here. Cool? Thanks.”
Hope: “I’ll be sure to give her the word.”Sabrina: “I’m pretty sure if we didn’t pack these umbrellas when we moved, there would be absolutely no color in this town, you know? Good thing I picked these up at the last Walmart before we ended up in this dead county.”
Rosalina: “You can say that again, mother.”
And then my simself went home and died, so much for even moving her in the first place if she was going to tank in under a week.Love: “I can’t sleep in here anymore!!”
Sigh. Why not.
Love: “Because that creepy bone maid put her hands all over my bed sheets and it’s weird and I don’t like it and I’d rather go pass out somewhere if this doesn’t get resolved soon!”
Ok… so now sometimes the Bonehildas are breaking my beds for the sims after making them up? Why can’t I just have normal bone maids…Moving on, Baby Roderish is on the way! Got worried for a second there.
Anguish: “Can’t wait to get FAT for youuuuuu~”And like two hours later, Love also popped and baby number three for her is on the way! I know Mercy’s already heiress and Joy makes a swell back up, but I felt that was too easy. The good side has been… too good to me in my opinion and I feel I just want another baby, another opportunity for a good rival to the throne. Give me a challenge, game!Anguish: “I’m going to join you in celebration, Reynaldo! I think it’s time for a round of my special concotion of Mystery Smirnoffs, don’t you think?!”
Reynaldo: “Howddfu… mmmHOW’D I get back’th’… florida…”You’re still doing magic, I see, Hope. That’s good.
Hope: “Gives me something to do.”
Could be more productive but I’m not going to be choosy.Reynaldo: “Alright, ready to take it up from the top… Ahem. It’s FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY~”
Angela: “Everybody’s working on the weekend~ weekend~”
Reynaldo: “Nooooo, no one is working on the weekend, Angela! That’s the point of getting down on friday!”Happiness: “Hey Mercy, your dad is screaming in my room and I can’t sleep, do you mind if I sucked all the living life out of that drunkard so I can take a nap? Surely you won’t mind. Cool, thanks.”
Black Betel: “I think you can surely see that she’s busy being possessed by some floor demon to answer you, right?”
Mercy: “Da fwoor demon is gwandma, but you might not be totawwy wrong…”
Ok I may have spoke too soon about not being productive, but not like this.Reynaldo: “Ah, my baby chick friends. Seeing your smiling beaks every morning gives me the strength that I will one day use to kick my drinking habit. All for you, my baby chicky friends.”
Don’t ask me what the hell Ifrit is doing. Usual possessed cat things I guessed.AHA. Busted. I KNEW at least one of you was hocking the hooch in here.
Blue Betel: “Look I need something to take the pain off this bum leg. You try living the unlife on one femur after the kitchen counters obliterate it.”
Black Betel: “Yeah but can’t you take it outside? You’re ruining the linoleum in here!”
Sigh.You know what. Since half of them seem to be drawn to the bar, I think it might help to balance out the workload with, oh, just one or three more Betels. Why not.Red Betel: “Oh great. Now we ALL take turns bugging out the bed sheets, huh?”
Black Betel: “The trick is to tuck the sheets in so tightly that the family can never use them ever again! They will exhaust themselves to death and can join us in the growing army of bone maids!”
That does explain things actually.Anguish: “This art piece speaks to me. It’s so soft, and so reminiscent of young innocence. I can totally vibe to this piece.”
Cecelia: “WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY COMPLEXTION”Black Betel: “OH! I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there! I was totally not fawning over the handsome orange man of the house. Totally not me. Why would I ever do that? That’s so silly!”
Roderick: “Eh don’t worry about it. To be honest, now that he’s totally ripped, honestly? I’d bear his children too if I could.”
Surely I don’t have to be here to listen to this stuff.And then I looked away and came right back to this absolute, and may I say, utter, BULLSHIT
YOUR WIVES, I’m sorry, YOUR VERY PREGNANT WIVES, ARE LITERALLY RIGHT THERE BEHIND YOU TWO
Anguish: “Why is your pet clementine monster kissing on my naked husband”
Love: “Um….. I’unno lol”Anguish: “You know what…. this is totally that fucking cat’s fault. I’m going to go yell at it.”
…Really…Love: “Yeah. You’re totally right. Who does that stray cat think he’s fooling. How dare he do this in my house. I’ll join you on that, Anguish.”
WHAT DOES THE CAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHINGOh. Apparently they’re lining up to yell at this stray cat that’s having door trouble.Stray: “I am but a simple kitty cat. I cannot open doors for I have no thumbs.”
I suppose that’s true…Stray: “Also I tried to take a big pee pee on your tree and they won’t let me.”
Reynaldo: “And that’s why you’re a bad cat. Very bad cat. Go to your room.”Happiness: “Yeah! Completely bad! Horrible, even! The worst cat! We should adopt you into this household! That’ll really teach you a lesson.”
Roderick: “I actually have a better idea. ANGUISH! Fetch me the baseball bat!”
Stray: “OH GOD PLEASE JUST SOMEONE OPEN THE DOOR AND I’LL LEAVE!”Black Betel: “I actually think the cat is starting to have a mental break down about leaving now guys…”
Metatron: “Something’s really fishy about that cat, but. You know. Whatever. ZZzZ”
The game found the cat and reset it back out of the house shortly afterwards.Happiness: “Thank goodness that’s been taken care of. Now we can go back to our regular and normal lives.”
Reynaldo: “Yeah. Raising babies, working, making cocktails by the pool with the baby chicks-”
Love: “Wait a minute I’M MAD AT YOU FOR KISSING RODERICK AFTER ALL”Love: “But luckily I have thought and reasoning on my side. We can surely talk through this error and fix our marriage and live on with our lives!”
Reynaldo: “Dear Shiva, if you can hear me, please smite my wife for me. For I do still love her, I reaallllyyyyy don’t want to have this cheesy conversation with her. Thank you. Amen.”Love: “Now Reynaldo. I know you sometimes have one of those weird brain moments that make you react oddly, and surely that moment with Roderick didn’t mean anything to you, you were just having a spell, right?”
Reynaldo: “I guess so.”
Love: “Good! Then it will never happen again and we can go on with our lives like normal! I love it when things work out.”Love: “Did you hear that grandpa! Everything is fine between me and my husband! We’re going to be fine again now!”
Reynaldo: “I actually think the baby chicks would probably prefer margaritas today”
Happiness: “Hahaha, I’m in the nut house aren’t I”Hope: “Fairies? In my colon? It’s more likely than you think?”
Ouch. It’s that time for someone 😦Happiness: “Nooo. My descendent. This sucks I guess.”
Rage: “A shame. A damn shame this is.”
Roderick: “…Why do you even have a bird tree in here, you don’t even have a bird.”Rage: “Ah well. No skin off my nose.”
Happiness: “Really dude. Aren’t you like. Her boyfriend now or something?”
Rage: “Yeah but. You know. It’s cool I guess.”
Hope: “Oh thanks for nothing then.”
Rest in peace, Hope. Your REAL love is waiting for you on the other side at least.Anyway. BABY TIME. BUST THAT PLACENTA WIDE OPEN FOR US GURL
Anguish: “HURRG ME TRYING”Love: “Oh. I do believe I also have busted water all over the floor.”
Reynaldo: “Oh shoot. Want me to fetch one of the non-drunk bonehildas for that?”
Roderick: “If you allow me to fetch one of my “special” forceps I can pop that sucker out for you myself in no time…”
Don’t you have a wife to meet at the hospital yourself, Roderick??Oh shit. TWINS? Again??? The fuckin’ odds of that happening.
Anguish: “Please, I just wanted one to ignore…”
The baby Anguish has is baby Pain, and Roderick has baby Panic. Technically both are a set I thought was cute too, after the little imp assholes from the Disney Hercules movie.
These two little shits have been living rent free in my head since 1997.
Pain is already locked in as HEIRESS, with her evil trait, and INSANE. Because UGHN. It’s fine though whatever. Songwriter music, veggie burgers and of course, HOT PINK. GOD I LOVE HOT PINK.
Panic is perceptive and hates the outdoors. She likes island life music, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and the color turquoise I JUST REALIZED THEIR FAVORITE COLORS MATCH THEIR NAMESAKES. WHAT ARE THE FUCKING ODDS.Anguish: “Oh hey. Fancy meeting you here! I got the birthing table all warmed up for you and everything!”
Love: “Oh. Thanks I… guess.”Roderick: “And if you know what’s good for you, you won’t go and have another set of twins. I’m serious. I’m dead fucking serious.”
Love: “Oh? Now surely, what would be the odds on that, Roderick?”Love: “Oops.”
OOPS???? THE FUCK, LOVE, ANOTHER SET OF TWINS?!? I JUST WANTED ONE MORE
I WAS NOT PLANNING FOR SIX TODDLERS RUNNING AROUND THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW
UGUGGGHHHH Love has baby Valor. He hates the outdoors like Panic, and he is clumsy. His favorites are latin music, yellow, and pancakes.
Reynaldo has Honor. Unlike her brother and cousin she loves the outdoors, and she’s a heavy sleeper. Favorites are blue, veggie burgers, and country music.
Please send aid.While I did give them color coordinating nurseries on the appropriate sides of the house, I don’t give a shit where the sims put the babies. They won’t do it right anyway. I’ll do good to keep this house in order even with the good computer. This is the “Pain and Panic nursery”. There are hints of science technology in here to influence them as they grow because I feel that’s what their father would want.Valor and Honor get more actual baby skill toys because I feel like their parents would actually give a shit about those kinds of things.
I think I’ll about end this chapter here on that note.But first, the fuck did you even get into Betel… how did you even do that to yourself…
Really Black Betel: “It may sting like a bitch but at least I have a nice buggy liver to actually store alcohol in now.”Love: “Well I HATE it because she touched on my bed again! I can’t sleep knowing she got her soot prints on my bed this time!”
Can you NOT, Love, I can’t replace that shit anymore with that same bed every time the bone maids touch your damn sheets!!