Who’s ready to start this chapter with an ever so beloved trip to graduation!?Fear: “OH, so Malice gets to go to graduation, and even my brother Loathing was invited but I, the one that got ACTUAL HONORS on their grades, was forgotten and forsaken. I’ll remember this. The superintendent will rue the day he forgot about me.”
He’s either going to sacrifice a principal in some ungodly ritual or write a strongly worded letter to the board, I don’t know which right now.Fear: “Even KAY?! THAT DUMB BITCH DIDN’T EVEN GO HERE”
Kay: “And for that, this is as far as I go. I will accept my GED right here from this park bench with pride and fervor!”
And she did, as she should.Terror: “Nah, ain’t feeling this lame ass event that in no way benefits me. If anyone minds, I’m taking a nap right here in a high trafficked area. If you see where I threw my pants, please pick them up and take them home for me, thanks.”
To be fair, don’t blame him. Proud of him actually. Glad he decided to whip out the bag instead of just passing out on a sidewalk somewhere. What a very good boy.Quiana: “I’m so glad you all graduated, all had such a good senior year, and are all ready for some legal dating and a Shot at Love with Quiana Piranha”She has matured into such a beautiful flower 🙂Happiness: “I’m so happy Fear is taking me out on an outing now! We are going to have so much fun and get to meet so many new people!”
Fear: “Flirt with even a single woman and I will disembowel you on an altar.”At the local pawn shop we see Rita is shaping up…
Yeah that’s all. Just shaping up.
Fear: “Wow I love the absolute lack of light bills in this place.”Fear: “Have you ever considered giving your heart, body, but mostly soul, to the all knowing, all seeing Unseen One?”
Rita: “Probably not. I sold my soul the other day to my sister for some toilet paper after being stranded in the bathroom for 2 hours after school.”
Happiness: “Oh get off of your recruitment stunt Fear and help me ring up a candy bar for $2.95 on clearance, I’m jonesing for a Snickers!”Ok, that’s not getting a Snickers.
Fear: “WHERE’S THE KEY TO THE REGISTER, ASSHOLE!”
Joaquin: “PLEASE NO I JUST STARTED WORKING HERE”
Rita: “Really. You come all the way down to the Bootleg Goodwill (Bootwill? Goodleg? Goodleg.) to rob it? That’s so low. I’d consider calling the cops if they wouldn’t just come in and question if I’m breaking some kind of daytime curfew.”
Happiness: “Look I don’t know anyone named Fear right now, I’m just trying to get a Snickers.”Fear: “UNSEEN DAMMIT, HAPPINESS!! I HOLD HIM DOWN AND BEAT HIM INTO SUBMISSION AND YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CRACK THE SAFE!! STOP DRAGGING ASS AND GET THE CASH!!”
Happiness: “Haha I have no idea who he’s talking about! Pfft, “Happiness”. My name is Emily. Anyway do you think you can call an ambulance for Joaquin over there? I would but they took my cell phone away because I learned what nudes were.”Fear: “-Anyway that’s when I abandoned Happiness at the store to deal with the cops himself after I realized the silent alarm was triggered and came down here. So what about it. You want to learn more about the Unseen One or do you want to meet Joaquin in ICU…”
Jena: “Maybe if I hurry, I can get out of here before he turns his sights on me…”
Too late Jena. He’s already making wishes to play games with you for some reason.Fear: “I also require to congratulate Quiana but uh… I see she didn’t fare too well between now and this morning at the court house.”Josh: “WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A WONDERUL FAMILY TIME AND EVERYONE HERE WILL LIKE IT, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER”
Louise: “Whatever, I’m more concerned about the zombie Ubering people here right out of high school.”
Starting to wonder what happened at that graduation now.Panic: “Awh come ON. I’m out here trying to have a good time with my husband and HE has to be here to remind me that I’m related to my fucking family.”
No one gets it easy all the time, Panic.Anyway totally missed Loathing’s first full moon transformation. Doesn’t matter, he’s going to spend the whole time taking a nap in his bag I suppose.
Loathing: “Nothing out of the ordinary, just another day for me, snore”Fear: “Everyone at that last lot didn’t want anything to do with me. So I’m off to collect on what is rightfully mine…”Malice: “Ughnm. What do you want Fear. Can’t you see I’m out here doing Hot Girl Shit?”
Fear: “Yeah, if you call sleeping on the sidewalk all night and all day in your bra and panties that, then yeah that’s definitely shit.”Fear: “But I’m here because it’s TIME, Malice Fallen! I claimed you as my first sacrifice to the Unseen One and I mean technically you’ll be my second one now but you’re servitude is highly demanded of your new God!!”Malice: “Bro just stop with the theatrics, we both know your glasses just got those built-in LEDs since you can’t do jack with hypnotism right now. Just bite me and get it over with. I ain’t going to pay shit attention in regards to your Unsith Whatever It Is, But I am down to be hot forever.”
Fear: “Uhm. Sure.”Malice: “Oh yes daddy it hurt so good”
Fear: “Haha gross but alas, you are now one of us, those that roam the night and prey on the undeserving, you’ll be of a higher standing than that of the impending foot soldiers for our growing army, so of course, have some dignity and put on some pants.”
Malice: “How about you go eat some pants, Fear.”Back home, Helen called her husband up for a date. I figured it was fair to let him go (or weird, but that depends on how it’s looked at).
Helen: “Judd I haven’t seen you in so many years! You still haven’t called… sent money… and you look like saggy shit, what happened to you my darling?”
Judd: “That retirement pension kicked in from a job I only went to like twice is what happened, ayyy”Judd: “But now I got a question. You could have picked anywhere else in this town to go on this date with and you pick the creepy ass hospital.”
Helen: “To be fair, you look like you’re about to drop dead at any minute. I’m just being premeditative.”Anyway, I guess because the lot was lame, so was their date, and that was the last time they interacted.
Judd: “Why isn’t this car going anywhere”
Helen: “No really why hasn’t he dropped dead yet, I know I’m still on his will so he needs to hurry up and kick it before he realizes.”Fear: “So anyway, whatever your name was? I heard you have a thing for vampires, so I was wondering, any time you’re down for it, I’ve got a pretty undead dong in need of a vampire bite if you get what I’m sayin’…”
Oh don’t tempt her that old simself hoe will too if you let her.Kay: “I’ve been standing in this kitchen since… well for like three days now, and I considered going to find some pants to put on since it’s getting drafty, but the table stopped me from making such a poor decision. Thanks, table!”
Pestilence: “You hold her down and I’ll jam some Levi’s over her and you secure them on with a lock and a belt.”
Happiness: “Great idea!”Fear: “This house is getting tired of your pantslessness, Kay!! Apply pants to your legs, Kay!! The Unseen One demands it!! We all do actually!!”
Kay: “But… I just applied moisturizer…”Kay: “Oh no he’s hypnotized me!! What will he make me do in the name of his dastardly deeds!?!”
Fear: “… Didn’t you hear me it’s so you’d put on some fucking clothes…”
Kay: “What if he makes me commit actions of uncontrollable lust?! Oh I couldn’t bare! Or can I, I mean, he is insanely attractive and handsome and the sexiest of all my brothers…”
Fear: “Ok that’s it, you need to leave the house now.”
And so, Kay actually did get moved out. I’m going to opt to move them out one at a time to give them a chance to start a relationship with anyone else outside of this household, because I don’t want another Mayhem/Patience set up right now.Truth: “I vote we kick Loathing out next. He’s getting hair all in my fried rice and he’s slobbering all over the table.”
Terror: “I’ll just grab some waffles, go eat outside and pretend I didn’t hear you talking at all.”Truth: “No one else is going to think this is weird that Loathing is suddenly acting like a feral wild man? Just me huh.”
Loathing: “I DEMAND MORE HAIRY FRIED RICE”Loathing: “Oh there you are Horror. Sorry, there’s no snow out here yet for you to fall asleep in and catch hypothermia. Gotta wait a few more seasons I think. Hope you’re out here having fun with mom and Pain while they have their 7 hour balloon fight.”
Horror: “Where is this even am I are”Crystal: “There you are my, WIFE, my darling of many years! And might I say, do I ever have the most diabolical plans in store for you!!”
Pain: “(Psst, you’re not supposed to tell her you have plans for her, dumbass, you got to let that be a surprise), sorry Euphie. She’s been hanging out with me all day so my evilness is rubbing off on her somehow, don’t know how but it’s fucking cool isn’t it?!”
Euphoria: “No.”Crystal: “Ok so I may have flubbed in letting you know about the plan. But alas, you don’t know what it is, and you will be my guinea pig, my ever unexpecting rat of doom and evilness!!”
Pain: “(God you’re so lame.)”
Euphoria: “…”Crystal: “Uh. Euphie? Euphoria? Are you th… where are you going? Euphie???”Crystal: “Oh. She’s going to divorce me now isn’t she…”
Pain: “Oh damn she might. Hm. Might not have thought that one through very well at all.”
Malice: “YOU GOT THAT GOOD POT RIGHT”Moving along, Fear has now hosted a party. A funeral to be exact, even though no one is really dead right now. A funeral for their own innocence? I don’t know.
Jena: “Really grandma, don’t you even fucking think about hitting on or trying to sleep with the creepy vampire freak, tonight! We already got enough embarrassing the family name as it is!!”
Sabrina: “Heehee I make no promises…”Fear: “So glad you could make it, Sabrina!! I invited you all here to bestow how wonderful being children of the Unseen will make you safer in the inevitable future that is our cataclysm!! Only will being a Child of the Royal Darkness will protect us from some, just not all, of the incoming suffering and pain we all experience for an eternity after next September!”
Sabrina: “Oh fuck this is one of those host parties that I’m going to have to buy some expensive shit from a catalog aren’t I. God I’m no longer interested in his dick.”Fear: “And you. So glad you came to my party as well. The Army can always use an orc vampire as a war commander.”
Juana: “Mama I want to go home.”
Panic: “Sweetie I’m just here because Fear paid me $34 to make an appearance to his death party so we just got to deal with it for a little while.”Sabrina: “My interest in vampires is over, my romantic endeavors with werewolves has begun!! I bet you can totally wreck a bed frame or two with your unnatural abilities!!”
Loathing: “Damn girl I think I see what Happiness was talking about!”
Jena: “Grandma REALLY, stop being so damn gross! I’m so glad I can’t actually see a connection with you on my family tree, I don’t want one!!”Eboni: “Oh. If only I could say the same, Jena.”
Jena: “Oh damn. Is that a stake in your pocket or are you just happy to see me…”Fear: “So here’s my proposal, Jena. You. Me. Future leaders in the name of the Unseen…”
Jena: “Uh. Sure. I mean, I guess I wouldn’t mind eternal youth and superpowers. It’s not because I suddenly think you’re hot or anything like that at all…”
War: “I’m just here to make sure everyone knows I’m still in this family this chapter.”
Truth: “I see.”And then the following day turns out to be the last day that Euphoria may hold the torch. Courage grows up and returns on this night, and if he comes back with the good trait, there will be a poll, and if he wins, that will be the end of Euphie’s reign.
Judd: “How’s it feel that this may be the last day with a non-AI conscious ruining any chance you will ever have at being an astronaut, Euphie?”
Euphoria: “Actually, I think I got a real good chance. All my needed skills are maxed and you probably won’t die anytime real soon so my “bosses” relationship is spot on… so unless I just decided to never go to work again like you, I’ll be great.”
Fingers crossed.Fear: “Another day, another prowl in the shadows of buildings, and it’s so nice to see Kay out here and actually wearing clothes.”
Kay: “Hello Fear. No time to talk, I’m here with my parole officer going over paperwork.”Fear: “And you must be Percy!! The legendary werewolf that everyone had a thing for and got passed around like a VD riddled torch! So glad to meet you!! Loathing looks up to your legend for some reason!”
Percy: “That’s great. So good to hear people are still out there being furries and the like.”Fear: “But alas. I must ask, because I think your strength and power will help Us in the long run better… have you ever thought about giving your life up for the good of the Unseen One?”
Percy: “Nah, I’m too Buddhist for that shit.”
Kay: “Lol books.”Fear: “Well TOO BAD!! I may not be able to bite you because you’re a werewolf and they are immune to supernatural things for some STUPID and DUMB reason, but no one is immune to VAMPIRE IN A JAR that expired in 1695!!”
Percy: “BOY STOP THESE ARE VINTAGE VANS”
Kay: “Man do I ever love just being in all the photos”Percy: “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! WHAT HAVE YOU… hold on…”
Fear: “Oh damn, your hair was a wig?! Has it always been a wig?! How long have you lied to everyone, Percy?”Percy: “I… I can breathe without those thick werewolf nose hairs clogging my nose! The moonlight no longer feels like 1000 ants crawling all over my skin!! My teeth ain’t chaffing away my upper lip into dust!! You… you CURED me!”
Fear: “Shit, that wasn’t what I had in mind. That’s not what I wanted to happen at all!”
Percy: “I’m normal!! I’m FREE!! I’m-“Percy: “Shit”
And with that, Percy is no longer one of the Lycans, and joins Fear as a creature of blood. Unfortunately, it doesn’t count towards Fear’s LTW count, so ok. Lesson learned. Whatever though.And then the timer has counted down and our boy Courage has returned home from war! And that last trait… IS….
Well I mean you can see it it’s there in the photo
BUT HE’S GOOD!!Courage: “Mom and mom?! I’m finally HOME!!”
Pain: “Hey, does anyone know who this bih is?”And behold. Our boy is GAH DAMN SEXY.
Courage: “I didn’t fight in four secret wars to come home and just be gawked at…”
For the vote, let’s remind ourselves that Courage is artistic, neurotic but brave, he’s got a good sense of humor, and of course, good.
While he spent the majority of his life growing up away from us in military school, I’d like to remind the jury that as baby he was so secretly miserable to the point that rebooting the town until he wasn’t probably killed the usage of all beds. He’s brave, just as his name suggests, but he’s terrified of Bonehildas, so I’m getting particular vibes from another possible namesake instead…In the other corner we have Truth, our good, cold loving, nude avoiding, equestrian. She’s is the only child I know to run from the cops and get away with it. She’s been very mellow so far. Such a good, quiet, well behaved kid, you know, outside from running from the law.
I’m going to attempt another poll from this stupid layout, and hopefully you’ll all pick your favorite and we won’t have any further issue, otherwise, I’ll post up another boolprop poll for other votes HERE just in case!
And so, let the polls begin!