Archive by Author | missmiserie

Tans, Sinks, and Eyebrows

Hello, to our 69th post on 4/20!! AYYYY (actually this was technically finished on the 21st because the universe decided I needed a migraine on the 20th instead FUCKING DICK sob)

To celebrate this holy kushy holiday, we have 69 photos for this chapter.  The post itself, however, is pot free I’m afraid.1Hope: “And that’s a good thing!  As much as the chemical gives you a good boost to your mood, abuse of the drug itself is dangerous and toxic to your health in certain ways, if you aren’t careful.”

Wicked: “That’s just pussy talk.  You just aren’t injecting the marijuanas right.”

Justice: “Oh kids, no drug talk at the table, it’s a drug free part of the house.”

Hope: “We LITERALLY had a chemical table in here for most of my life, mom.”2Justice: “And please face the other way at the table, Hetal.  It’s family time, and the birthday of your son, you should at least participate in the conversation.”

Hetal: “And you can participate in minding your own fucking business.”

Wicked: *sad eating noises*3Justice: “I see Rick made a run for it while he was still young and smart.”

Chanda: “I’m here to wash your windows.  Bathe your furniture.  Baste the turkey.  I promise I’ll do a better job than any predecessor you had before me.”

And then she did, it was nice.4However the game gave us TWO maids this time and this one is the most useless I have ever had, and leaves Chanda to do all the work on her own.

Jan: “I’ll let you suck my blood if you let me suck your di-”

Please die somewhere far away like in the center of the ocean, Jan.  I already hate you.5The house got another extension for Wicked’s new room, so now whenever Rage is let back into the house he can have the old nursery.6How’s living alone going for you, Happiness?

Happiness: “I’VE BEEN GETTING PELTED AT BY HAIL ALL MORNING, WHEN IS IT SUPPOSED TO STOP??”

I mean it’s only been going for several hours, I’m pretty sure that was your first clue at staying out of the pool in the first place.7Nice tan for a vampire though.  Not sure why your skin is melting off as if you’re made out of cotton candy.

Happiness: “I mean, I am a vampire with a tan.  It’s probably so contradicting that the game can’t fathom the idea and that’s why my body is literally sloughing off of me right now.  Please hand me a shirt and some bandaids.”
8The house is still FUCKING NASTY and even though the house across the street has two maids now, no one is touching this one, so its time to bring Betel back once again.

Betel: *Spawns outside of her closet so she doesn’t have to touch the eyesore physically*9Betel: “OH GOD, OH MAN, OH GOD, OH MAN, OH GOD, OH MAN

Yeah…… good luck, Betel, this is probably going to be your magnum opus.
10HOLY FUCK

TYRONE BRED11Tyrone: “Behold.  I didn’t steal this one this time.”

Phillip, Son of Tyrone: *Is 45% eyeball*

Miriam: “Is this the brownies kicking in?  Is this what my hallucinations look like on weed??”12There is something unique about baby Phillip, but I can’t put my finger on it.  I’m starting to think though, that the genetics of Arwing’s line are just too strong to be fully affected by whatever monster fucker they keep breeding with.

Phillip, Son of Tyrone: *THX start up noises*

Tyrone: “That’s my boy!”14Justice: “Don’t mind me.  I’m donating to charity.  Must help those less fortunate than us.  Yessir.  Nothing out of the ordinary about me doing this at 3 in the morning.  Nothing odd out here at all.”13Justice: “Except for that that just ran out of my bushes, who in the FLIP FLOP ARE YOU”

???: “Um.  I can explain…                         …..Ok, bye!”

Justice: “THAT EXPLAINED NOTHING”

Peace from the dirt: “MY LONG LOST CHILD probably, SOBBBBBAKRJOAIEGOFKJASLFAJK”
15Tenisha grew up on a porch somewhere and she’s still continuing to be very pretty despite all challenges!!  I’m proud of her.

Tenisha: “Who stole this BBQ’s paintjob”

16Ah yes.  A perfect job for a 13-15 year old girl.  I’m sure she can’t wait to bust cold-cases in between geometry tests.17Tenisha: “I spy with my private eye, dem tiddies”

Hysteria: “If you even try to report them stolen (which they are not, you have no proof) I’ll mess up your face too, mark my words.”18Then Hysteria did it anyway.

Hysteria: “Hey, I only messed up your makeup.  And to be fair, I think it’s vogue as fuck.  So you should thank me instead, ungrateful little shit.”

Tenisha: “Vogue??  I look like a clown-mime hybrid, and if I had my real eyebrows back I’d be expressing fury on my face right now.”19Here’s the full glory shot of her new look, since in-game won’t show her funky new eyelashes. Had it forever, and had to use those on someone one of these days, might as well be now.20Alex: “Hey, I’m a werewolf now.  They finally gave me my license from the Werewolf Committee.  God it feels good to have real skin again.”

Marlena: “MACHINES like THIS EXIST??  Even during MY TIME?!  There’s no way I can believe that, Jada!!”

Jada: “Yeah, I can believe you’re too stupid to believe it.”21Marlena: “Ah.  Modern technology, I knew it was too good to be true.”

Jada: “Really?  You already broke it.  My daughter is going to exorcise you one of these days, you know that right?”

Marlena: “What do you mean, I was getting exercise from this machine before it broke all on it’s own!”

Jada: “Nevermind.”22Hetal: “Good job, bitch!  You broke the one piece of equipment I didn’t know we had in the room I mostly ignore!  My wife is going to be furious at you!!”

Jada: “Good, tell her to kill her again!”

Marlena: “:)”24Hetal: “You seem like someone who would be impressed with my witchcraft skills!  I may not have ridden a broomstick in years, but I assure you I’m the best there is.”

Marlena: “Amazing!  I can see with that level of skill and expertise why Agony here chose you as her spouse.”23Hysteria: “Honestly give me one good reason I don’t take those two useless hens and clock them in the head with this wrench for doing nothing but being in my way.”

Alex: *El snore*25Happiness: “I am ignoring the sink in the kitchen screaming for the sweet release of death to play video games.  Nothing kills a tan faster than nerding out on video games for a while.  Let’s begin.”26Happiness: “Wha… that’s totally not fair!  Zenyatta’s at a disadvantage against Sombra’s ult ability as it is, there is no need to 2 v 1 me when I’m already left with no way to counter properly with the odds stacked against me as it is!!”

Hmmm, not pasty enough, he can get nerdier and go paler…27Happiness: “Absolute and utter bullfart!! Winston’s ult with Ana’s ult is a waste of both because Winston does less damage when raging and nano’ed than he would just using his default Tesla Canon!!  The track on the projectile, along with the boost on his already 60 dmg/second makes it more effective than getting slapped around in ult mode, plus, the only reason the Ana is not nanoing me and boosting my Reaper’s ult is because they queued together and I ASSURE you I will report them for poor teamwork!!”

THERE’S the pasty reflective sheen of vampiric skin that I… actually don’t remember being that white.

All regained after just seconds of video game playing.  That’s the power of Xbox, baby.28Meanwhile Betel has probably been doing this for a long time now.

Might help to, you know, fix the sink first?  Just suggesting.

Betel: “I GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL!! AAAAAA”

I’m sure you do.
29Hetal: “YOU DIDN’T DO IT!  You kept putting off teaching her to use the toilet and now you’re too late!!  She’ll never make it in time for her birthday and you know it!!”

Grace: “She’s right mama… I’m really tired of forcing the poopies I don’t even have right now…”

Justice: “Sigh.  I guess you’re right… but just one more time!! She just has to try poopsies one more time and we can do it, I just know it!!”30Justice: “Come, Grace!  We are going to use the bathroom one more time!  We have less than an hour before you grow up, and we are so close!  I believe in you!”

Grace: “Do you?  Because you’re walking in the opposite direction of the toilet.”31Justice: “Just meet me down the bottom of the stairs so I can pick you up and take you to the bathroom!  Quickly now, we are running out of time.”

Grace: “MOM, YOU’RE BUGGING OUT AGAIN, DO YOU REALLY THINK WE GOT TIME FOR THIS”32Grace: “Whatever, if it gets mama out of this dumb broken stair loop then so be it.”

THAT’S NOT SAFE, GRACE

Grace: “I don’t CARE, I’m tired of her bugging on the staircase!”33Grace: “Just so everyone knows, its about time to call someone for this asbestos.  Real dusty back here.”
34Grace: “A for effort, mama.  You’ll get them next time.”

Justice: “Well, that’s just gravy.”
35Grace: “So what do I do if I have to use the bathroom at school?  Will they yell at me if I poop at my desk or do you think I can still fit in a diaper?”

Justice: “I have no one to blame but myself!  UGH.  If I could arrest myself I would!!”

Grace: “Yeah. I’m just as disappointed as you are.  I think.”36Now that she has pants, Grace is now a vegetarian.  She only has one more chance at getting the Good trait or else she’s out of the heirship.

Now go eat a carrot, bitch.

Grace: “K”37Grace’s crib is replaced with a bed now, so you have no choice but to sleep in your own crib now, Rage.

Rage: “Joke’s on you, I’ve never been in a crib before in my life.”
38Rage: “Yes, please continue to impale yourself in the ladder!!  The more you attempt to remove me from under this bed the worse you get!”

Justice: “Why is my day so bad today :(“39Dee Dee: “Now that we have no more toddlers, you are on your own!  I’m retiring from the baby scene, and your kids have no reason to be in my kid’s room.  Take your kid and go on with your evil self, Hetal!”

Hetal: “Now is that any way to turn a child away when he needs someone to care and raise him?”

Dee Dee: “You LITERALLY put him out in the woods for like two days!  Who are you to talk!!”40Hetal: “Yeah you’re right.  Come Rage.  I’ll show you the inside of the washing machine.”

Rage: “YAYYY”

Dee Dee: “What”41Alex: “I feel the power of the moon!  It FLOWS THROUGH MY VEINS!!”

Cynthia: “OH MY LORD!! A WEREWOLF!! THE ABSOLUTE HORROR!!”42Alex: “THAT’S RIGHT, LOOK UPON MY FORM AND TREM… did you really just piss on my carpet.”

Cynthia: “So sorry about that… I have a weak bladder and it just happens sometimes.”

Alex: “This sucks, I don’t even have any paper towels in here, the smell will last for weeks!! Also wait a second…”43Alex: “Y-you’re a GHOST!”

Cynthia: “Uh yeah.  I had forgotten about that actually.  Glad to meet you I’m Cynthia.  You can call me Cy.  No one calls me Cy.”44Cynthia: “Now if you don’t mind I’m passing out from the sheer terror of A WEREWOLF, SO SCARY!”

Alex: “Yeah yeah.  Have fun with that, I’m going to go take a nap for 8 hours.”45Cynthia: “Ok, so I know you just fell asleep and all, but ghost pee is really rank so you really need to leave the room so I can shower.  I’d hate it if you happened to wake up and caught sight of my little ghost boobies.”46Alex: “Really.  Lady, do you not see this room?  I LIVE here.  I have no where to go.  You’re just going to have to bathe somewhere else or deal with your pissy stink self on your own.”47Cynthia: “WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS THIS MADHOUSE?!”

You contribute to it, Cynthia.48The end of summer is around the corner, and considering how eternal the last winter was, it didn’t feel like summer even lasted.  Enjoy the warmth while it lasts, kid.

Abandoned baby: “I’m dying”49Hysteria: “I’m beauty, I’m grace…”50Hysteria: “I’m thinking about smacking that baby in its fucking face.”

Pop your spine back into place first.51The whiny baby in question carries the Good trait, so I got to make a note to keep an eye on him.  Though the man that’s carrying him is Face One and if he’s the father, I’m already disappointed.
52Hysteria: “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU”

Concession stand lady: “Um.  I work here?  Want a hot dog?”

Hysteria: “I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE A MYTH”

Lots of caps lock this chapter53Justice: “I’m so happy to help the less fortunate!  I love doing it in the middle of the night, this way Agony doesn’t yell at me for “wasting” money on charity!”

Easy way to make her happy at least.
54Happiness: “Are you another summon to help with the cleanliness?  If that’s the case, I’m gonna need you to start working on the dishes.  I’ve been out for two weeks and I’m tired of eating directly on the counter tops.”

Wicked: “You dumb bastard, I can’t be alone after curfew, but if I follow Hetal she swings a bat at me.  I figured the vampire and the skeleton across the street were safer.”

Happiness: “Well, I guess in that case, you aren’t wrong.”
55Happiness: “We only have 4 beds left in the house, so make yourself at home in one of them.”

Wicked: “Too late”

Happiness: “Well I tried…  Anyway, what’s on the late night channels?”56Wicked: “I’ll be brutality honest.  The sink is so ungodly loud, it’s keeping me up.  How do you live like this with a swamp in your kitchen??”

Happiness: “At this point in my life, the sloppiness has actually grown on me and I know nothing else.”

Betel: *Is already drinking herself into a stupor probably*61End of that.  It’s time for a surprise for you, Hope!  Head to the kitchen to see what it is!

Hope: “I already know it’s a birthday cake.  I can see it from the window!! You can’t get me to go in there no matter how hard you try.”58Angela: “Well I see you’re in here anyway.”

Hope: “I couldn’t eat the tree leaves.  I guess puberty won’t be too bad, it’s worth this sherbet.”59Hope: “Speaking of growing up, how in the fruit loop did you get to grow up before I did?”

Frenchie: “Hormones?  Better genes?  It’s not the steroids in your mother’s chemical concoctions from her potions days if that’s what you’re implying.”

Hope: “I didn’t imply…”60Peace: “Hi”

Frenchie: “YES, a ghost!!  Totally takes the heat off of me and the steroid use, which I’m not doing.”

Hope: “YES a gh-Oh I broke my wrist.”
62Justice: “So you’re not mad at me anymore?  For not teaching you to sit on the toilet right as a baby?”

Grace: “Mom, don’t worry about it.  How hard can pooping be?  You sit on the toilet, you do your thing.  Only thing to do really is to sit.  And I’m pretty sure sitting is the easiest thing in the world.”

Justice: “Um…… yeah, I guess so.”63ANYWAY birthday ppls.

Tenisha: “You remember the game plan?  I’ll get her good and distracted, you snatch your nose off of her face and make a mad run for it, ok?”

Agony: “And I already told you.  It ain’t happening.  I heard her wife is a witch and last thing I need is to be turned into a mushroom somewhere.  Just drop the waffles off, and meet me back at the house after the caking.”

Then Agony left immediately and hid under her porch I suppose.64Hope: “I guess being a teenager will be fun!  Kinda can’t wait to go on dates and prom and learn to drive.”

Leonard: “And I can’t wait to bang your mom, damn girl you fine”65Hope: “Now that Mama Dee Dee has smited that pervert to a crisp, what should I wish for?”

Tenisha: “If you love me can you wish for my eyebrows to grow back?”

Hope: “Considering how nice you are to stay for my birthday, I will!”66Hope: “Actually I have to redact that wish and wish for some body fat, I’m sorry Tenisha.”

Dee Dee: “What”

Alice: “God feed your children, Dee Dee”67THERE we go.  Fixed and LOOKING GREAT.  A wonderful mix of genes between the two mothers, SEE EVALIN’S BLOODLINE?!  THIS IS HOW IT’S DONE.

Dee Dee: “Yay”

Alice: *Inhales all the air in the room*68Justice: “I’m so glad you grew up to be such a lovely young lady, my daughter.  But here’s the thing.  I see your new Rebellious trait.  Know that any inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated and even though you are my own daughter, I will be disappointed if you did the wrong things in life.”

Hope: “Oh mom.  Don’t be silly.  I’m a good person, I will only rebel against our corrupt systems, political wrong doings, and donate to the needy through charities.”

Justice: “GASP I love you.” 69Tenisha: “Sigh.  To think my mother should have been over this dynasty.  I would have been the heiress to be caked around here, made out all cute and have nice clothes and cool traits.  Now I have no idea what my personality is at all and I look goofy beyond reason.  This world is so cruel.”

Hope: “Oh calm down Tenisha.  Have some cake.  Chill a bit.  Later I’m going to go egg some abusive senators and politicians, you can join me if you’d like!”

Tenisha: “I guess.  Kinda sounds fun, I suppose.”57Ending here, where Betel is stuck in an eternal struggle with the wall, this table, and a Forbidden Plate.

Betel: “If I go for the plate, the turret will shoot me.  I may be undead, but that shit still hurts.”

Learn to think with portals, Betel.

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The Wall Goblin

1Its the beginning of summer.  And Justice is still catching the flu every other week still.

Justice: “It’s ok!  I put my trust in my Healing Stones, and I’ll be healed one day soon!”

That explains it.2There is some good news though!  After ages of trying to satisfy the girls’ needs for science and (explosions), I believe they are finally sated, and the potions table is long gone!  Replaced with one of now many clothes hampers for this clothes filled house.3Hetal: “This one.  I have hope for this one.  THIS is the chosen one that I may imprint on to further my legacy.”

Wicked: “PLEASE, I AM DYING AND NEED SUSTENANCE”4Hetal: “Oh my fucking Satan, here you go, you little shit.  Only the finest of Chernobyl tower cooling water for you.”

Wicked: “I will treasure it forever!!”5Hope is a good kid.  Quiet, for a party animal.

Hope: “One day I will head this household, Frenchie.  And when I do, oh, soooooo many parties.  So many.”6Hysteria: “A small baby like you doesn’t need this anyway.  You can definitely choke on the stick alone and die and no one will know it until rigor mortis sets in, as often as you are checked every day.  I am confiscating it because I’m such a good person.”

Grace: “NO, I paid for that with my personal income!!”7Grace: “If anyone needs to be punished, take a lollipop away from Wicked!  He’s the one failing over here!!”

Hysteria: “Yeah well if Hetal would actually do something about him and stop twerking her naked ass on the wall and being useless, this wouldn’t happen.”8Last chapter, useless maid Alex retired and was sealed in the wall of the basement for Hysteria’s amusement.  I added a window wall so she can be viewed now.  Like a personal little zoo.9Alex: “Oh don’t worry.  I have a secret up my sleeve that will bust me out in no time.”

Yes, we already can tell you’re a werewolf.  It’s not really a well kept secret.10Alex: “YES!! SO BEHOLD!  WITH THE POWER OF THE MOON FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS, I WILL BURST THROUGH MY RESTRAINTS TO FREEDOM!!”
11Alex: “WITNESS MY ULTIMATE FORM OF POWER!”

OH FUCK ITS A GOBLIN12Alex: “COUGH cough, uegh, actually, on second thought, if I’m a prisoner in these walls, I don’t actually have to pay my mortgage ever again…”13Alex: “Soooo, yeah… this is an ok living arrangement.  I can accept this.”

Well she was easy to make content.14Hysteria: “Either my wife is really stupid and doesn’t realize I’m in the house, and that we have been married for ages now, or she thinks its hot to put nudes of herself in the mailbox for just anyone to find, but if it’s the latter, that’s kinda hot and she’s getting this ass tonight.”15Hope avoids the family by sleeping on the bench at the school alone.16Hope: “That’s ok!  Because my friend is here now!  And we are going to practice playing chess together.”

I wouldn’t trust a friend like that.18So for the entirety of 10 seconds I forgot that this was the name of Hope’s IF. I guessed someone somewhere was mobbing up for a riot.19On the other hand, at least Wicked is having a good time with that cat.20Back in the basement, Alex’s fridge (which she wasn’t using anyway) had to be deleted because the family was trying their damnedest to use it instead of the better one in the kitchen and the constant route failure was probably giving them brain damage.  I just have to remember to throw her a steak bone down here every so often so she doesn’t starve.

Alex: *Begins to run out of black printer ink*21Justice:  “This is hockeysticks!  I refuse to make dinner unless I have access to the newest appliance in the garage basement!  Alex tells me that THAT fridge has better yogurt!!”

Dee Dee: “Didn’t you just hear the narrator? That fridge was gotten rid of and now all we have is this one.”

Justice: “It’s not the one I WANT!  Add it back!  I want that fracking yogurt!!”22Dee Dee: “Sigh, I can clearly see you’re just bugging out now.  There.  I conjured a newer, better, more evenly colored fridge.  For your sake.  Will you please calm yourself now?”

Justice: *Sniff* “No…. I never got any of that good Yoplait…”

Dee Dee: “Fine, I’ll just have a fend-for-yourself dinner night.”23Edgardo: “You know what I haven’t had in generations?  Macaroni and cheese.  Not since it was banned from the household in my lifetime.”

Justice: “Can you stop showing off the new fridge already?!  I need to access the crappy cheap one that is locked away in the walls for the goblin Agony locked up, and I will not move from this spot until it is returned to us!”

Since Justice would not see reason (and from this point was more or less stuck in this spot) she was reset.
24Look everyone!  Toaster BREAD!! HAHAHAHAHAHGILAJGKDLAJGKDLJFAKLD5

Toaster: “If anyone puts that name on the birth certificate of my child I will hurl the entire hospital into the sun.”25Here’s our yellow ray of sunshine and future radiation.

Felicity: “Not if my good looks and genetics have anything to say about that!!”

Do I ever wish you the best of luck with that then.26Across town, Janelle (or Janine?  I can’t differentiate the sisters right now) has also given birth, and following the theme of J-names, this is Jenny.

Sabrina: “You let them in the house.  Why, in the fuck, would you let them in my house???”27Across town, Agony’s daughter aged up and I absolutely HAD to check her genetics to see if she inherited her mother’s face-job or not.

And she did, but she didn’t come out half bad!  Her lips were caved-in so I gave her some mercy and plumped them out a bit, because she shouldn’t have to suffer because her mother had a blotched plastic surgery job.  And we all know plastic surgery is inheritable.

Tenisha: “My only goal in life is to go back in time and model for the Mona Lisa.  I will be that bitch.”

You’re well on your way to that goal now.28Jarrett: “I don’t understand what everyone in town is saying about her… she’s beautiful to me.  The most beautiful woman I have ever personally laid eyes on.”

You would think that.

Agony: “Who let him in my house?  Tenisha, get in here!  Why, in the fuck, would you let him in my house???”29Returning to the house just in time for little Rage’s birthday.

Hysteria: “May the Dark Ones bless you with the gift of good looks, my child!  Because remember, you clone out and I will smash you and your brother in the face with a sledgehammer.”
30 The birthday party is in the basement because Hysteria hates crowds and doesn’t want to have a birthday party for the baby.  At least her “best friend” can be with them for little Rage’s big moment!

Alex: “Someone shut that screecher up!  I can hear him all the way down in my hole and that’s saying something!”31Hysteria: “You.  Stupid.  Get over here and cheer for my son’s birthday.”

Alex: “Er.  Sure.  But only if I get some cake from all this.”

Hysteria: “Yeah yeah.  But only because you don’t need to starve.  Consider yourself lucky you get hungry, whelp.”32Actually Hetal seemed to be the one that wanted to cake the baby this time, so Hysteria let her do the honors.

Alex: “Tbfh I’d rather have some chicken drums.  The wolven cravings that I feel require meat to fill me up, not confections.”

Hysteria: “Cry a fucking river and deal with it.”33Hetal: “There I did my duty, I’ll be in the kitchen, having full control over whatever I want to eat, unlike Alex over there.”

Dee Dee: “Happy birthday, little Rage!  Say, I haven’t been in this part of the house!  What’s, uh, going on behind the glass wall exactly??”

Hysteria: “Mind your damn business about it or you’ll end up on the other side of it finding out personally.”

Dee Dee: “Haha, what the funk”34Rage turned out to be a mix!  So he’s probably going to be heir.

Hysteria: “Wicked can still be in the running, but I assure you he’s going to be put in a literal blender first if he does.”

Rage: “Yaaay, no bwender for mee!”35Rage: “Oh Tuberculosis.  I’m so happy to have you in my life and time of need.  We will be best friends for all time!”

Tuberculosis: “Please allow me to be dead inside forever.”36Rick: “That was an excellent party you kinda threw, Mrs.  Fallen!  Say, mind if I had a piece of cake to celebrate as well?”

Hysteria: “Sure!  As long as you don’t mind stopping your work of cleaning my house and ending up locked in the basement with your predecessor, be my guest!”

Alex: “Snoozies”37Alex doesn’t like painting I think, but she does use the easel in her own entertaining manner.

Alex: “TAKE THIS AND WEEP MORTAL WOODEN FRAMEWORK” *Slaps bitchingly*

Cake: “What the hell did it ever do to you”38Alex: “Sigh.  I thought life as a prisoner was supposed to be more stress free and relaxing than it is.”

And I thought you were going to stop being a broken werewolf two days ago.

Alex: “Maybe I should focus on actually escaping after all.  Go out and live my life.  Actually order food at Church’s Chicken, ffs”39Justice and Dee Dee don’t do much during this time.  All they want to do lately is pork.

Justice: “With a wife as irresistible as mine, how can I help it!”

As long as it has nothing really to do with a mid-life crisis, this is better.  I guess.
40Alex hates art.  I caved and replaced it with some mind numbing television.

Alex: “Good.  I hate the Game of Thrones.  I can’t wait to watch the final season end.”41Alex: “Wait, does that mean the game has noticed me missing?  Have I finally been rescued!  Please Nraas Overwatch, I need saving down here!”

Well, you didn’t move while I was looking at you so the rescue mission has failed?

Alex: “UGH, Nraas Overwatch is useless!  Someone send the REAL Overwatch!!  Tracer, Hammond, SOMEONE, I NEED a rotisserie chicken over here!!”42Hetal: “Now, here’s the deal, little fella.  If you’re going to be the ruling Warlock of this family, you must learn how to depend on no one but yourself to survive.  This is your first test.  You must learn to live alone in the woods.  If you fail, then well, it won’t be anyone’s problem anymore now will it?”

Rage: “Mama?”

Hetal: “Ain’t no “mama” here for you, boy.  If you befriend a hive of feral animals to raise you, then alright, but remember if I see you so much as on our porch I’m flinging you into a crevasse.”

This is probably the most interacting she is ever going to have with either child.
43Hope: “Can someone help me?  I’m trying to take the long way around so I don’t have to go near Hetal’s naked butt, but I can’t force my physical form through a baby crib, now can I.”

Hetal: “Can we just get rid of the crib altogether?  We don’t need it!  Grace has the oven and I’ve released Rage into the woods!  Oh, and Wicked is in a dumpster I think.  So this crib is a waste of space.”

Dee Dee: “Angery”44Hetal: “I can’t believe you missed the school bus because you didn’t want to make eye contact with my ass!  I should place a curse on you for the rest of your days for this!!”

Hope: “Come on!  It doesn’t have to be like that!  This house is a maze of route failures between here and the stairs as it is!”45Hope: “That being said, you will let me off the hook, right?”

Hetal: “OFF THE HOOK?  I’M ABOUT TO TOSS YOU INTO THE HIGHEST TOWER THIS TOWN WILL PERMIT ME TO BUILD AND LOCK YOU THERE UNTIL SOME WHITE KNIGHT ASSHOLE STABS ME IN THE HEART WITH A HOLY SWORD AND RESCUES YOU wait no YOU WILL BE DOING CHORES FOR A WEEK that’s better”46Justice: “I returned to rescue you.  I won’t stab Hetal over this, but I will give her a stern talking to about disciplining my child.”

Hope: “No you won’t.  You’ll be too concerned about her starving and bake a souffle and forget about it.”

Hetal: “She’s right.  And I’m starving now.  Where’s Grace?”47Hope: “Anyway.  Off to school.  So can someone PLEASE someone shut the yard baby up?!”

Rage: “I CAN’T EAT ACORNS HELP ME SQUIRREL FRIENDS”

HAS NO ONE REALLY RESCUED RAGE YET48Hysteria: “Apparently not, but Alex has been.”

Shit, I knew it was only a matter of time before they got Alex.49*Force-poofs Alex back into her crate*

Alex: “Aw come on”

This time I used Nraas to make her a “roommate”.  I still have no control over her, but now she can actually use things easier, than she did as a “houseguest”.

Alex: “AW COME ON”

Shut up and enjoy your new gift of a radio.  That should make you happier, I suppose.
50Rage: “Can I tell you a secret, Tubie?”

Tuberculosis: “No.”

Rage: “I actually like my squirrel buddies.  They take care of me and fend off the stray dogs that’ll eat me if given the chance.”

I’m surprised he’s still ok out there.
51Alex: “Forget the baby!  It’s my birthday!  I even have half a cake left over to celebrate!  Hurray for me!!”

No one cares, even I cared so little I accidentally sized the photo down too much.  Oops.52Here’s your birthday present, Alex.  You get the easel back.

Alex: “What is this shit”53Hmm, yes Rick.  That totally looks like what you were hired for and nothing unnecessary at all.

Hysteria: “I’m planning the basement wall extensions as we speak :)”54Aww, he built us a dirt chair!  Aren’t we just the luckiest family in the world?55Here you go, Alex.  Another birthday present for you.

Alex: *Has finally learned how to use the bed covers*56Justice: “Come, Grace.  I really want to finish your skilling and your birthday is fast approaching.  I finally tore myself away from my wife long enough to ensure you know all you need to before turning into a child!”57Justice: “Oh wait.  It’s not your birthday but Wicked’s birthday first.  Oh well *Instantly stops skilling*”

Keep procrastinating and see where that gets you, Justice.58Hysteria: “I don’t care about the rest of your skills, but I do love you.  And I will love you forever.  Until you shit on the floor because you don’t know how to use the toilet, but right now, I love you forever.”

Hope: “The wall is in my way.”59Hysteria: “It’s a lovely day to have a cake, isn’t it?”

Justice: “THESE HAIL STONES ARE CRACKING MY SKULL OPEN”

Hysteria: “See?  Lovely.”60Once again, no party to make Hysteria’s life a little easier.

Justice: “Happy birthday little Wicked!”

Hysteria: “Yeah happy birthday, dude!”

Hetal: *Grumble grumble* “I’m getting dragged out of bed for this bullshittery”61Wicked is actually really cool looking, clone or not, but he got the virtuoso trait, which is eh.

Wicked: “I plan on writing and singing songs, and creating my own musical one day.  My first musical will be my autobiography and I will self title it after myself as well.”

I think someone already beat you to the punch with that title, kid.62Justice: “You finally have a playmate your age, Hope!  Aren’t you excited to hang out with him?”

Wicked: “Mama please look at me”

Hetal: “I’D RATHER DIE”

Hysteria: “This is going well.”63The end of the chapter, where the game tells me Nascar, of all people, got demoted to Top Gun, which honestly hardly sounds like a demotion.

Nascar: “They really shouldn’t fire me and then give me guns.  They gon’ n’ pissed off the wrong old robot!!”

Disaster waiting to happen.

Secret Secret Basement

Last chapter, Baal died.  Uhhh, birthdays.  Uuuhh, Hetal’s pregnant.  Thas all.1That doesn’t look like Grace to me, Justice.

Justice: “I’m working on it.”

No you’re not, you’re going to quit halfway through and forget what you’re doing.

Justice: “Nonsense, pick up Wicked first, then take care of my child.  Hopefully.”

I can’t make her do anything.2Justice: “I’m so happy my daughter sees me as her friend.  I’m so happy to be apart of her life, as much as I know I am to hers!”

Don’t you wish you shared that kind of love with your son, Hetal?

Hetal: “I have no son.”3Can you hear the absolute noise in this photo?

I’m fucking miserable.4In the garage, I built a basement to hold all the stupid things the girls want to spend money on.  A place to come, unwind, and not look at the nauseating wallpaper and paint for a little while, because I’m leaving it beige for that exact reason.5Hysteria: “I love him and would die for him.”

The only true love in her life I think.6In very unrelated news, she caught a new bug for the kitchen display.  It’s the silver melting turd next to the rock.

Red Butterfly: “Great.  Now we have to be extra beautiful to make up for our newfound friend’s grossness.”

Blue Butterfly: “I feel bad for him though.  He’s trying so hard to render and he’s stuck in a stupid broken container where his climbing stick isn’t even touching the wall.  He’s got a hard life.”
7Hysteria: “This is how the baby’s made, EE AY EE AY OH”

Hetal: “Do you not see I have a knife here”8Hysteria: “Oh you’re starving (what a surprise)?  Here, let me fix that with you with some good old remote control radiation.”

Hetal: “You devil bitch, I was looking forward to this stir fry all day and you got to ruin my appetite with that thing?  You’re disgusting.”

Hysteria: “IKR”9Hysteria: “You may disappoint Hetal, but I will never turn my back on you, unlike my mothers before me.  You never know what potential you carry within you.”

Hysteria is unnaturally caring so far in this chapter.

Hysteria: “Just so you know if you’re younger sibling is a clone as well I’m breaking both of your noses permanently with my fists.”

There’s the usual Hysteria.10Carmen: “Wow, someone has already busted the piñata here.”

Arwing: “NYAAA~~”

Carmen is Serenity’s son, by the way.  He’s evil.11Carmen: “Hey Aunt J.  Mom was right, your house is fucking ugly.  I’m going to torch it from the safety of the kitchen, alright?  Later.”

Justice: “What”12Grace’s birthday ended up taking second fiddle to Arwing getting a makeover.  I couldn’t stand that her elder outfit was so blah, so I worked on giving her a new look.

Arwing: “WITH MY MEGAMIND, I WILL FINALLY ANNIHILATE THE HUMAN RACE, AS I WAS BORN TO DO”13Ended up going the pretty, cutesy route instead.  And she is BEAUTIFUL!  Look!  She loves it!  She’s actually smiling!

Arwing: “:)”

For the record, the purple streaks going down her cheek spikes?  That’s eyeshadow.
14Oh and Grace.  She is actually REALLY adorable.

I love Hope, but I really want Grace to get the good trait if possible.15Anyway.  Cue the misery.

Hetal: “Haha, YES!  The boy is good for something after all.”16And of course.  What’s a good party without some end-game tragedy?

We didn’t pan over here just because you wasted a whole head of fucking lettuce on the floor, Wrath.

Wrath: “Did you hear about the guy that ran in front of a bus?  He got tired.”17Wrath: “Wait, no what’s happening??  I’M not tired!”18Death: “Whoever built this house is on that crystal.”

I deleted the room next to it soon after anyway, Death.  Shut up.
19Wrath: “MY BEE SISTERS!  As my final wish as your Queen, I demand to be avenged!  Vengeance upon those that caused my death!”

Death: “Wrath, the bees are dead.  They’ve been dead for years.  Those are flies.  And they do not care to avenge your death because you like, tripped on a head of lettuce you put on the floor.”

Happiness: “So does that mean no salad for dinner tonight?”20Happiness: “Why is this happening to me?  I was beginning to love her!  Granted, she never returned my feelings, but who will I pine for and wish to kiss now?”

No one?  You can mourn this death on your own, Happiness.

RIP Wrath.  Gen 3 heiress, she wasn’t officially evil but she did some mean ass shit.  Goodbye.21Justice: “I’m getting better!”

Soon, we will be done with this horrific table.  Just got to keep wishing for anything else, Justice.22Justice: “So then like I told Ramiel here, I said, “sir if it wasn’t for your terrible parallel parking, do you really think I would have found that dead hooker in your trunk?  You’re the only one to blame for your absolutely horrendous driving skills.””

Janet: “I could not care less.”

Justice: “But… you’re my work partner…”23Justice: “Whatever, don’t need your friendship to be successful at my job.  Later gator.”

It’s the dragon, he’s keeping her perfectly balanced on the broom so she doesn’t drag her face on the pavement if she falls off.  This I know from experience.24Hetal: “Oh no!  The fetus!  It’s moving!!”

I actually could care so less after the clone you gave us last time, Hetal.25Speaking of, he and his mommy are spending time downstairs.  It’s family time.

Hysteria: “Your choice of music is shit and if you don’t renounce Mozart and listen to my upcoming SoundCloud release I will disown you afterall.”

Wicked: *boogie dancing*26Hetal: “Whatever, I don’t need attention or a hospital,  I had this baby and hid the afterbirth in Dee Dee’s shoes.”

If I can help it, this is the last baby of the gen, Rage.  He is a virtuoso and he’s easily impressed.  His favorites involve spooky music, the color lilac, and whatever porcini risotto is.

Rage: “It’s-a Italiano, you-a Americano, learn-a some-a culture, aaaayyy Tony”

What do you know about culture, you’re 1.3 seconds old.27Hysteria: “Taught the baby to say methylprednisolone.  Now he knows all the pharmaceutical terms he can’t fail first grade.”

Or at least a pro at the potions table.28Speaking of.

Justice: “Um.  Did you get in our potions table again?”

Hetal: “Bitch, no.  I was trying to trick Hope into crawling into the oven, but she tricked me!  Sneaky little skank.  She crawled in a circle and tripped me up and I fell in the oven!  I’m impressed but pissed off.”29So she took it out on Grace.

Grace: “Sob!  I was saving that in my diaper for later!  Mom, do something about it!”30Justice: “Can’t deal with this added stress right now, sweetie.  Mommy’s having a mid-life crisis and needs help of her own.  Sob.  I’m flabby.”

Grace: “Wow ok you are NOT assisting in this situation at all, mom.”31I have not ridded the children of their IF’s this gen, and since they keep them calm and entertained, I decided to let them have them.  I also have clearly abandoned whatever naming theme I got going for them and just gave them random shit at the time, thinking they wouldn’t be around forever.  But I accepted them as they are now.

Hope has The French Revolution as her IF.32Grace is stuck with good old Swedish Meatball.34Wicked’s IF is A Very Angry Cat.

Wicked: *Begins astral-projecting himself into another existence*35Justice: “Alright!  So the few people I invited to come to this birthday couldn’t make it, so let’s go ahead and welcome Hope into her next stage of life, shall we!”36Oh ok.  So no one cares.  That’s cool too.37And that’s one out of the toddler stage.  Because her birthday party was CLEARLY a full success I guess, Hope is now a party animal.38Hope: “Happy birthday to me!  Time to party!”

Angela: “Ok!  I’ll be the C in the YMCA!  You got to do the other ones though.”39Hetal: “Sigh, there they go.  Being all motherly and fond of each other, or whatever that is.  I wish I could partake in that kind of joy.”

Justice: “You only have two kids you can hang out with, Hetal.”
40Hetal: “Also, the fuck y’all do to this innocent room.”

Hope got her nursery decked out in her flavor.  I actually hate that pattern of rug, but with those colors, I think it looks good.41Justice: “Come my sweet baby!  You must learn to walk, or else you will risk being evil, and even so, you can’t be evil while laying on the floor your whole life!”42Kinda got to give Hetal some credit.  She’s trying her damnedest to be these kids’ friend.

Hetal: “And that’s why you need an umbrella, so Hell doesn’t rain down upon you and smash your skull in.”

Hope: “I think you mean hail.”

Hetal: “No I didn’t.”44Hetal: “Here you go!  Have snack!  I hid this from Hysteria so you could have some healthy probiotics in your lunch!”

Grace: “Holy shnizbits you’re actually the greatest!!”43Justice: “I love being friends with my children!  It makes my life go by so smoothly and adds years to my life!”

Hetal: “I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR CHILDREN AND HAVE YEARS ADDED AND SHIT TOO”45Justice: “Alright, break time is over!  Let’s get back to training you to walk, sweetie!”

Hetal: “It’s not fair!  I want to train her to walk and talk and whatever!  I want to be a mother too!  IT’S NOT FAIR!”46MEANWHILE.  He’s dying.

Hetal: “I DON’T FUCKING CARE”47And then you have

This bitch 

Wrath: “She wasted all that time and energy she chould be using doing the dishes and what she does is send MY personal pink bunny baby into that box with baby vomit and boogers, so I ASSURE you she will meet a horrific end.”

Alex: “My paycheck is going to my child support :)”48Hetal: “Damn girl you are looking like a snack today”

Hope: “That’s it, I AM calling the police on that one.”
49Hetal: “No you dumb shit, you are literally looking like something I would consume.  Bake you up in some nacho cheese and harvest your youth as a queso dip.”

Hope: “Well so much for your friendship.”50Hetal: “That’s right!  The act of motherhood and friendship is a ploy!  Just to get close enough to bore you to sleep and smash you up like an avocado!  Quick!  Get me the meat tenderizer!”51Her mother rescued her and took her to school.

Hetal: “Sob… that’s… that’s just not fair… my queso…”52Hetal: “Uh, quick question.  Who’s the man and why is he in our all female haven?”

Hysteria: “Did you leave the bathroom window unlocked again?”

Rick: “Why, it’s just me, Rick Lee, your new maid and replacement for Alex, whom retired at the ripe age of 32 on the money you paid her.  Told me it was a very easy job.  I’m just taking over!”53Rick: “What-a was wrong-a with mah face-a”

Better.  However, Alex up and abandoning us?  That does not bode well with the family.  Especially with her shitty half ass job.
54Hysteria called her over for a “hang out” and she instantly appeared on the sidewalk.  Like she was anticipating it or something.

Alex: “I knew they were going to hate Rick.  I knew they were going to beg for me back.  So I hid in the truck of the maid car waiting for them to call me, and honestly, I didn’t think they would do so so quickly.”

Rick: “I’m over here actually doing the job, la dee da, this is actually fun!”55Alex: “Look I couldn’t do the job any longer!  Too much work, too much stress, and while the pay and free food was great, I can’t keep having to get my nails redone every time I scruff them against literally anything.”

Hetal: “Yeah well, good luck explaining that to my wife.  She’s pissed.”

Alex: “Oh don’t worry about her, I got exactly the thing that bitch needs from me to get over herself…”56Alex: “Pretty flowers for a pretty lady!!”

Hysteria: “Awww, Alex!  I didn’t know you felt that way!  You shouldn’t have!”57Hysteria: “Really.  You shouldn’t have.”

Alex: “Aw, just forgive me for abandoning the job and remember I’m literally your only friend in this town outside your wife and that booger you call a kid.”

Hysteria: “This is true.  And for that, I feel, in due of our friendship, I should show you a secret surprise reserved for only the most trusted people in my circle.”58Alex: “Oh wow!  A secret gaming basement?!  I didn’t know you ever had this!”

Hysteria: “You would know that if you actually bothered to do the fucking laundry like I hired you for, since the staircase is right next to the dryer, but alas, that’s in our past now.”59Hysteria: “And even more secret than a gaming basement, here’s the door to our Secret-SECRET basement room!  With even a cooler surprise inside!”

Alex: “Aw right!  Well what are we waiting for, the suspense is killing me!”60Alex: “Huh.  That’s all there is?  Some furniture and an art easel?  Can’t say I’m completely won over with this set up.”

Hysteria: “Oh, don’t worry, you really have no choice.”61Alex: “Wait, what do you mean by that? Agony?  Where did you go?  Where did the door go?  Hello?  Are you still there??”62Hysteria: “And just like that.  That’s what happens when you put MY personal pink rabbit plushie away in the stinky baby toybox, my “Dearest Friend”.”

And chapter ends for now.  What will happen to Alex?  How long will she stay in the basement?  Will she suffer her fate forever?  Or will Twallan’s Overwatch be an asshole and rescue her as a “stuck sim” like I’m anticipating (spoiler alert, it do.  But what will become of Alex afterwards anyway, HMMMMM?)

Find out whenever.

Spring Kisses

1Justice: “I did it!  Everyone come quick!  I’m successful!  I love making potions!  I want to make more!! MORE I SAY!!”2Justice: I DEMAND MORRRREEEE”

Dee Dee: “I’m off to tell Hope that her crazy mother is lost to the sauce.  Bye.”

Last chapter Wicked and Grace were born.  Hope keeps getting stuck on the staircase.  That’s more or less it.3Oh, and Hetal doesn’t like her child I think.

Hetal: “Little bastard won’t stop crying.  My spawn do not cry.  Crying is for babies.”

He IS a baby.4Hetal: “Suffer, and know the world is full of hate and evil!”

Wicked: “I’M HUNGY ;-;”
5Dee Dee: “I’m sick and tired of your bull, Hetal.  If you don’t take care of this kid I’m calling the law.”6Justice: “I am the law, what’s going on here?”

Hetal: “I am disgusted with your constant need to baby the child.  He needs to learn to grow up hard and uncaring.”

Dee Dee: “He’s 9 hours old!”
7Justice: “Always know that I will love you forever and unlike Hetal and Wicked I will never leave you to suffer.”

Good.  Don’t smash her crib while doing so, could you.8Peace: “Sounds like my daughter is having a hard time up there with all those crying babies.  Maybe I should stop watching the Young and the Restless for all of 3 seconds and go help her.”

You’ve raised enough children in your life, Peace.  Please stay downstairs and don’t get in the way with your ghostiness.
9Hetal: “This child I like.  This child I will care for and fatten for future endevour-I mean endeavors. ”

Meanwhile Wicked sobs himself to sleep.10Anyway.  On to spare making.  Hopefully the next one Hetal will actually give a shit about.11Fortuneteller: “Please do NOT do that with my crystal ball!!”12Hetal: “Ah yes, such a beautiful crisp and cool morning for public shagging and life ruining.”

At least put your clothes back on.13I built the last broomstick riding lot thing because I didn’t think the town actually had a lot specifically for that (despite it coming with the town and EP, of course) so you know, go figure I figure out that there was one pre-built just two blocks away from the house.

Hysteria: “How?  It’s LITERALLY where I met Hetal, you dumb blind hoe.”

Oops.14Alex: “Please, I’m so scared of being murdered, I have bills to pay and a mouth to feed!  It’s my own mouth, but you wouldn’t kill me and/or let me starve, would you?”

Honestly the only reason she’s not fired or killed is because Hysteria wants to be friends with her.  And sometimes she does her job.  Not often, but sometimes.14I’m just going to stop checking up on these two.

Happiness: “How could she decide that she doesn’t want to kiss me?  Look at me!  I’m a young hot stud that just so happens to be the same age as her old deceased mother but still!  I’m so disappointed.”

Wrath: “Get used to it.”15Baal: “Pennie died?  Pennie was old?!”

Honestly I didn’t even know she was an elder, the way she carried on she seemed so young.  But RIP Pennie.  You were cute in the 5 minutes we saw you around.16Baal: “I loved her like my own daughter.  I cannot live anymore knowing that I outlived my own child.  Fine, Death come pick me up.  I can’t do this any longer.”17Death: “Ok!”

Justice: “WHHHYYYY”

And just like that, 10 seconds after Pennie passed away, Baal finally also decided to call it quits.  18Baal: “WHOA!  Watch the boney fingers, death boy.  Those are fucking cold!”

Death: “Sorry.  I was eating ice cream before I came here.  They don’t give you utensils in the afterlife so everything’s got to be treated like finger food.  Can you believe that shit?  Just try eating soup, it’s not possible, and I love soup!”
19Baal: “AAAAHH”

Justice: “SOB”

Hetal: “Why this camera angle”20RIP Baal.  You survived death once but couldn’t escape Death forever.  You will be joining other beloved pets from the past, and many legacy sims that I’m sure will enjoy your future random thoughts.21Hysteria: “NO NOT THE DOG, I JUST WASTED MONEY ON FEEDING HIM”22Hysteria: “Ok, moving on.”

I may let Justice grieve because she and Baal loved each other but Hysteria honestly probably interacted with Baal only a handful of times to bathe him I think.
23Hetal: “Are any parts of a baby poisonous?”

Dee Dee: “If you don’t FUNK off with the idea that you’re going to eat my children I will ensure your life is met with hellfire and brimstone.”

Hetal: “Sounds like a good time to me actually.”24At least they can agree on one thing.

Hetal and Dee Dee: “SOB THE DOG WE DIDN’T REALLY INTERACT WITH” *Clonks heads together*25Justice had a birthday on the sidewalk were no one could see her.

Justice: “I’m still a beautiful and YOUNG bride, I’ll hold on to my youth FOREVER” *Mid life crisis*26Justice: “And Agony was right!  Broom riding is so much fun!  I love spending all night honing my skills to make $3 in tips for this!”

Curse this weird invisible broomstick bullcrap.27Justice: *Cannonballs through the air with the greatest of ease*

At least she’s getting a break from the potion table.28Hysteria: “Speaking of potion tables, I’m still 1000% better than her at it.”

AAYY, and you’ll be making a dozen of those just in case.29Justice: “And then I said, ‘No you silly billy, hee hee!  You’re going to jail for the dismemberment and manslaughter, not the bad parking!’  And then I tasered him and arrested him.”

Ramiel: “Amazing.  Doesn’t explain how he broke out of prison 2 hours later, but nice to know that was how he got there in the first place.”30The spring festival is in town, and the girls abandoned the wives at the house to take care of the babies (or in Hetal’s case, no).31Wilma: “Want a kiss, hun?  It’s affair-free and only costs enough to keep me from getting medical insurance through the company!”

Justice: “Sounds like a deal!”32Justice: “What happens in Sim Vegas stays in Sim Vegas.”

Wilma: “Smoochies~”33Wilma: “Congratulations!  You win the prize for Best Lips I’ve ever Kissed!”

Justice: “What an honor!”34Hysteria: “You think that’s good, wait til you get a load of me!  I promise my lipgloss is only as toxic as Poison Ivy wishes she was.”

Wilma: “Urhm…”35Hysteria: “Then again, it’s best if I just got a cheek kiss.  Any hard pressure on these lips is usually enough to bust them and I’m not against punching you in the face for popping these suckers open again.”

Wilma: “I’m quitting my job after this day.”36Hysteria: “Honestly I just want to see just exactly how compatible we are with each other.  We’re clearly cousins so hopefully the machine will point that out and we can stop thinking each other is hot whenever we’re in the room together.”

Justice: “That and the only love I have in my life is for my darling caring wife, Dee Dee.  She’s so hot that I could just woohoo with her the second I get home, like always!”

Hysteria: “Just grab the golden metal penis and lets get this over with.”

Justice: “What’s a penis?”37Hysteria: “This machine is clearly broken and will be taken to with a sledgehammer in a little bit.”

Justice: “Clearly.  I will now proceed to pretend this moment never happened and will go egg hunting.”
38Justice: *Egg hunts*

I’m more intrigued by the play set in the background.39Not sure I’ve seen it in the shop mode before!  (If it’s there I really am blind.)

Wrath would have LOVED this as a child.

Wrath: “WHAT KIND OF BEE MAKES MILK INSTEAD OF HONEY??? BOOBIES!!”40Out of anything I wish they fixed in this dumb fixture that never gets anyone working at them.  The proprietors basically live at the park and the kissing booth is always full but the ticket booths never have anyone running them.

My girls want to spend tickets, and it can never happen because some assholes just don’t want to come to work.41Justice: “I come back and you’re about to pass out!  Can’t have that!  We have a bed you know!”

Dee Dee: “How about you stay home next time and take care of three babies while I go out and kiss on girls in the park!”

Justice: “Hey, it was for charity and her health insurance!  Which she will need for kissing Agony anyway.”

Which Dee Dee is now going to need because she’s going to PASS OUT ANYWAY42Justice: “Big dang it :(”

Sigh.
43Hysteria: “Hey baby?  You gonna take care of this baby you got coming up or you just going to keep being bad at mothering until I get tired of you mistreating my spawn and kick you out?”

Hetal: “Wait, how did you even know I was pregnant?”

Hysteria: “Why else would you go around wearing a coat you got from the clearance section at Walmart?”

Justice: “Everyone!!  I got good news!”44Justice: “I’m getting better at my potion making!!  It’s not the potion I WANT to make, but I’m getting there!”

That really is some good news.

Justice: “Now I’m going to try again and hopefully the next one will be the one I want!”45Justice: “GAAAHJIALFJIDK;LAF”

This isn’t what Jesus died for, Justice.46Justice: “I may struggle with potions, but I’m kickbutt at cooking.  Call the family.  I’m making coleslaw.”

At least put on an apron first.47Wicked: “ITS MY BARFDAY”

Dee Dee: “You’re a baby, every day is barf day for you.”

A repeat of Hope, I forgot his birthday as well.48Wicked: *El Hetal CLONE*

I’m fucking serious, I’m seriously considering from now on any and all clones will be fixed in CAS by me because over half of Evalin’s legacy has consisted of clones at this point.  It’s not making this any fun and it’s wasting my time and house space.

Wicked: “Yeah but my random white eyebrows are cool right?  They’re caused by all the stress my mother gave me when I was a baby.”
49Dee Dee: “I just remembered!  It’s my birthday as well!  Happy birthday to me as well?”

Wicked: “DON’T TAKE MY SPOTLIGHT AWAY FROM ME, YOU WITCH!  I WAS ENJOYING MY ATTENTION FOR ONCE”50Hysteria: *Steals the spotlight away from them once more*  “Oh, it’s my birthday too?  The fuck?”

Justice: “Enjoy old age with me, Agony!  Mid life crisises are fun!”

Hysteria: “No my life is great.” *Opts to not have a MLC for once thank god*51Justice: “Every time I come close to death I feel the need to tell my children just how much I love them and care of them, just in case one day I cannot.”

Dee Dee: “That’s a bonus for me, because for once I don’t have to cater to her needs 24/7!”

I’d say that’s kind of mean, but at this point Dee Dee is the sole baby carer.52Hope: “I NEED SLEEPIES!!”

Dee Dee: “YOU ALWAYS NEED SOMETHING, STOP BOO HOOING FOR ONCE”

Justice: “I love you because you’re so cute and quiet and not upset all the time, Grace :)”53Hetal: “I’d rather not be here.  I can’t stand the sight of you, you little hell bringer.”

Wicked: “The feeling is mutual, you old bat.”54And we end this chapter with Tyrone getting it in with his wife and now, a future gen 3 mutant baby is in the works over there!

Something Wicked This Way Comes

I apologize in advance if the darker images are too dark this chapter.  I’ve been too down this week to put up with spending 20 minutes opening Photoshop to spend 2.6 seconds bleaching dark pics.1Justice and Dee Dee spend 90% this week doing this.  Idyllic. 2Hope: “I REQUIRE NEEDS”

Not right now, your mamas are dreaming about chicken and dying.3Hope’s great-grandfather, who has been staying with his granddaughter while coping with the death of his son, has been camping out in the garage on a temp vampire bed that has never been used but has been owned since Edgardo thought he was murdering Happiness.

This is how all famous pop stars sleep actually.4Back at his house, its FUCKING NASTY STILL5WRATH FUCKING DO SOMETHING IN YOUR KITCHEN

Wrath: “What did the tampon say to the other tampon?  Nothing, because they are both stuck up bitches.”6Justice: “I love you~ 🙂 Time to feed you goo~ :)”

Hetal: *Sobs because she can’t have snackies*

Dee Dee: “Oh shut up already and come with me to the dollar store to return this horrid maternity shirt before it snaps in half and falls off me.”7Hetal: “Well if I can’t have the baby, I guess I have no choice but to get the next best thing.  Waffles.  Because at this point, I really do have NO choice.”

If you starve and die I will be severely upset and disappointed and will move your grave into a trashcan.8Hetal: “Wait a minute.  I don’t know how to cook!  I’m DOOMED!”

Justice: “What the fuselage”

Dee Dee: “Just eat my wife’s cooking for once!  JEEZ.  She isn’t going to kill you, probably.”9Matter of fact, she’s working on trying to not kill herself!

Justice: “And I got a good feeling about this this time!”

Yeah I’m sure you do.10Hysteria: “I can’t stand reading the newspaper and seeing my ugly sister with her man and her almost normal looking baby and so I’m going back in time to kill mother before she even conceives Agony!”

You… do know Agony is your older sister right?11Hysteria: “Oh wow.  Jada caught me trying to sneak into the house and suplexed me out a window.  While I’m embarrassed about how weak I am compared to a woman in a hot dog costume I must admire her effort to protect her family.”12Hysteria: “Mom, I came to spend time with you and let you know you married a MILF.  Ok wait, not a MILF.  But Jada was a kickass woman.”

Wrath: “Can you please share that umbrella with me??  The rain is so cold and I’m soaked.”

Hysteria: “This is your own fault for standing in the yard the whole day for no reason.  So go away.  I need this whole umbrella for myself.”13I realized that the fish that I tried to put in the fish tank on day one is still lying dead under the fish tank.

Hysteria: “No time to stop!  This house is so NASTY!  I MUST CLEAN!!”14Happiness: “Who’s ready for Disneyland?”

Hope: “I’M UP LETS GO”

I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t realize it’s birthday time.15Cute, and I don’t believe she’s a clone.  So life’s good so far.16Baal: “There is no way the children that got the toys from the Island of Misfit Toys were happy that Christmas and Santa was wrong to give them out.  Think about it.  There’s a reason those toys were separated from the rest.  You wouldn’t sell a damaged or incorrect product in a store so why is Santa just going to agree to hand-out half built toys to all the children for Christmas?  Do you think those children were happy to wake up on Christmas morning and find out all Santa left for them was some Dollar General squirt gun filled with old jelly?  What child is going to be happy with that?”

Hope: “Can’t hear you, too busy thinking up a name for a doll I’m probably going to have taken away from me in 3 seconds, lalalala”17Baal: “Just these thoughts… they just keep me up at night…”

Hope: “I think not having functional eyelids will also keep you up at night too.”18Oh yeah this is perfectly safe.

Hope: “No idea what you’re talking about! I’m following my mama!  And this bumpy slide looks like a lot of fun!”19Justice: “Ignore the fact that I’m roasted again, I may have fumbled a vial of flammable toxins, but my daughter playing conspicuously on the edge of the stairwell is the greater danger here!”

Hope: “You can’t catch me when I’m in Full Turtle Mode!”20Justice: “Hm.  I guess you’re right.  I just over worried.  See you later, Hope!”

Hope: “Wait, no I changed my mind, I want like some mashed carrot or something.”

What.21Turns out Hope was bugging out on the stair well and Justice would constantly climb up the stairs and then walk back down them and cancel any attempt to pick Hope up, so I had reset.

Hope: “Haha, falling down the stairs was so much fun and I didn’t break but two toes!”

Dee Dee: “Yeah, you keep playing on those stairs and see if you don’t end up like me, broken in more places than just toes.”22Hysteria spent most of the night in an engaging water balloon fight with her mother out in the rain.

*Stares at each other without throwing a balloon for 25 minutes*

Wrath: “What do you call a masturbating cow?  Beef stroganoff.”

Hysteria: “…”

*Stares at each other without throwing a balloon for 20 more minutes*
23Hetal: “Now what, uncaring, unloving parent would leave their little morsel of a child down here, unguarded and unprotected?”

Hope: “Suddenly I’m no longer having any fun, guys.”

Hetal: “Hey at least someone here is able to pick you up, you little shit.”24Alex is finally murdered by Hysteria with her ultra-firm My Pillow.

Hysteria: “Good fucking riddance.  That’s what you get for never folding any of my laundry with the seams running parallel!”25.5Around this time I finally got to moving Peace’s grave to the rest of the graves, however, when I went to place him in the yard, his headstone just POOFED

and I couldn’t find it

And I wanted my ghostly Peace, but ended up having to redo almost two hours of gameplay because FUCK

Peace: “I was finally able to poof over to be with my alien child, why deny me that!?”25Justice: “I hope she doesn’t mind having no post-birthday makeover because the CAS is choking the game up right now and I’m not fighting it.”

Hope: “Glab blaug bla bla goog goo” *Suddenly can’t talk again lol needs reskilling YAY*

Hysteria: “Who the FUCK left the SCREEN DOORS OPEN and let all those FUCKING HOUSE FLIES in my CLEAN KITCHEN, you will FUCKING DIE”26On a side note, Happiness is no longer sad about his son’s passing now.  You can go back across the street.

Happiness: “I get to see my hot Wrath again!!  I mean, cousin.”

I’m begging you, no.
27Justice: “Um no.  Move.”

Edgardo: “Anyone realize lately that us ghosts are having some serious hair issues and our faces just melt into the back of our hairdos?  My face used to not do this?  What gives?”

Hope: “My hair better not melt into my head if it knows what’s good for it.”28Evalin: “He just uses the cheap shitty shampoo.  That mess would clear up if he’d wash his greasy head with some Pantene for once.”

Dee Dee: “I think it’s best for myself if I don’t ask what the biscuits you are talking about.”29Amazing Hetal.  You managed to find an outfit that is oddly less sexual than the last teddy you were wearing.

Hetal: “Don’t be fucking stupid.  I had to cover up because grease splatter burns are no joke.”30Hetal: “Dammit baby!  Can’t any of you children let me actually EAT for once?!”

She had plenty of time to change out of her playboy outfit and clean the stove but not enough time for a snack.  Because you know, logic.31Hetal: “Bitch you knew full well I was cooking fried rice for dinner and you brought home a pizza?  I’m cursing your livestock.”

Justice: “Look I just didn’t want to risk getting poisoned tonight and all.  I got a promotion coming up and don’t want to miss that.”32Justice: “Wait, SHISH KABOBS HETAL!!  YOU’RE IN LABOR!!”

Hetal: “Oh is that what it was?!  I just thought that was gas.  I guess that explains the water on the floor and sudden urge to curse out the one that did this to me!”

Also great job, Justice, you really had to go and ruin the pizza.33Justice: “Oh darn it… I’m such a klutz.  Oh… maybe the family doesn’t mind a bit of foot smell?  I feel like Agony might have a feet fetish anyway.”

Can you not be nasty?
34Justice: “Oh yay, speaking of!  It’s my darling cousin Agony!!  Hey Agony, you like feet?”

Hysteria: “THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, MY WIFE IS HAVING A BABY AND YOU’RE OVER THERE CURB STOMPING A PIZZA, ARE YOU ON METH”35Both Hysteria and Hetal nyoomed to the hospital and borught home their first baby!  This is baby Wicked, named as he is of witchy lineage on the evil side.  His favorites include classical music, french toast, and the color pink.

His traits however, were rolled randomly and at the time I played this I didn’t really notice how odd they were until I noticed they were bugged on the HUD.55509653_315351662511465_1628230416970285056_nHe’s going to make an excellent Wii Sports player.36At the time I was too lazy to build him a nursery unlike Hope, so I just plopped the crib in his mothers’ room and went to bed myself.

Hysteria: “Like shit he’s going to be crying in here all the time.  He will sleep in Hope’s room.  Hope can sleep on the staircase.”37Dee Dee: “Uh oh!  Someone call 911, we have an emergency!”38Justice: “I’M 911 WHAT’S THE EMERGENCY MA’AM”

Dee Dee: “I’M HAVING YOUR BABY, THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENING HURGH”

Justice: “AT LEAST PULL YOUR PANTS UP FIRST, DEE DEE!! CRACK KILLS!”39Justice: “I love her, and I love her forever!”

Dee Dee: “This whole time I could have worn this dress rather than that broken mesh of CC?  This is poor management.”

Blame the CAS bugs.

This is baby Grace, following the naming style of her sister with a realistic name.  She is spare and won’t get a chance at heirship unless she gets a Good trait, but you never know.  Right now she’s just an easily impressed heavy sleeper.  Her favorites are Epic music, vegetarian chili, and the color spiceberry. 40For her I DID build a nursery next to her sisters room, and it deeply gives me Brave throwbacks, though I like this one better.41Then I felt bad for Wicked not getting anything and built him a nursery after all.

Though this looks more like a sacrificial altar than anything else.

Hetal: “Are you kidding?  I LOVE it!  Because that’s what it’s probably going to be!”42Baal: “Look, all I’m saying is if I spent the whole year being a well behaved child and all I wanted for Christmas was a train set and Christmas morning came around and I went to open my present from Santa and he brought me a choo-choo train with square ass wheels on its caboose, defeating the purpose of making the train move correctly at all, I’d be a devastated little kid and would probably loose all faith in Santa, from that alone.”

Justice: “Please shut up about your theories, I don’t want to get so distracted I accidentally dump this on you on purpose.”

Baal: “Sigh, fine, I’ll go elsewhere.”43Baal: “-So yeah, I know the movie was about accepting someone for their differences and embrace them as strengths, but this is Christmas we are talking about.  This is presents that you’ve been asking for all year and you get the boot leg knock offs because a deer with a red nose asked Santa to distribute them instead of his usual stock that was built in the workshop?!  And Santa doesn’t even think on it it, he was just like “yeah I’ll throw them down some chimneys to some unlucky little shithead kid, I don’t care”, just, if you wanted an iPhone for Christmas and Santa gave you a Blackberry, you’d be miffed, so why do you think some kid is going to want a Jack-in-the-box and settle for a Charlie?”

Dee Dee: “He’s got me cornered, please make him go away.”44Hysteria: “I love killing!!  Killing GERMS that is!!  La dee da!! Oh magic eraser, you’re my bestie in the whole world.”

We need more butterflies.
45Hysteria: “BEHOLD!  It is the heart of my worst nemesis.”

Alex: “Hoe, that is an onion.”

Don’t push her.46Hysteria: “And like that!  A flame of the strongest degree!  Enough to melt the mouth off of any who dare tell me my cooking is bad!”

Alex: “If you think I’m going to clean up your mess on that stove, you really got another thing coming.”

Hysteria: “Bitch if I didn’t actually want to be your friend for some reason this go around, I would have slapped your face down on this hot plate and turned you into a roast. You should consider yourself lucky.”47Oh Hysteria.  It was a ploy, to get you distracted so she could abandon those dirty clothes there and run off with her paycheck.  And you let her get away with it.

Hysteria: “Hold up, let me hone my knife skills to use on her later.”48Hetal: “Mmm, she look tastyyyy”

Dee Dee: “I asked my wife to get a lock for this nursery door and what does she do?  She just copy/pasted the last nursery door to this one to save a dollar.  I’m investing in a laser security system for in here.”49Hetal: “However, that one right there?  Disgusting!  Unwanted!  It poops!  That is no child of mine!  Trade it in for one that will properly carry on the family name, or least fit better in the slow cooker!”

Jealousy: “Only if he’s a clone.  Otherwise, fuck off Hetal and let the boy sleep.”

Will Wicked be a clone?  Will his mother’s find his nursery and get him out of Justice’s and Dee Dee’s way?50Baal: “Look I know this is hard to accept but Santa doesn’t care about the quality of his toys.  He wasn’t happy with the elves or their songs or the deers and their games, he just wants to get his job done and go back to doing what he does the rest of the year when he’s not working: Fortnite griefing on PC.”

Hope: “I JUST WANT SOME MASHED CARROTS PEOPLE, WAAH”

The Green Dragon of Hope

Last time we welcomed baby Hope into the family, and she’s insta-heiress unless a future spare has what it takes to be Good before Hope is an adult.  Hetal and Hysteria had a wedding at the bar downtown, and Baal died during the family’s gift giving party, but the Gods of Thunder and Lightning said NO and blew out a transformer or something near my house and Baal got a second chance.  At the second gift giving party he didn’t die, and he’s stuck around since then.1Justice: *Checks Pulse* “Yeah, he’s still breathing.”

When I’m not doing anything specific with the girls, I keep an eye on Baal.  I guess his close death encounter has made me extra attentive to him.2Hetal: “The oath must be fulfilled, as you owe me your first born child.”

Dee Dee: “Piss off, Hetal, I owe you nothing and will burn you alive if I catch you so much as looking at my child wrong.”
3Hetal: “Whoa that was mean.  I thought you good bitches aren’t supposed to be all violent and stuff.”

Dee Dee: “Maybe my wife can’t but when it comes to my baby I don’t care.  You want a baby so damn badly, why don’t you go make one?  You got a partner now.”

Hetal: *Sob* “You know what, I think I will.”4And so Hysteria and Hetal hokey pokeyed and turned it all around in the igloo again.5Agony across town cannot make her mind up with what she wants.

Agony: “Oof, hot UILF make me wanna slap my baby daddy”

Denied, bye.6Hysteria: “Knocking out potions left and right!  Justice will never catch up to me now!”

Great.  One more want down towards my ultimate goal of getting rid of that fucker.

Hysteria: “…I want to make another one.”

Fuck off.7Justice: “I’d love to have a turn on the potions station, but I am afraid if I put Baal down or have him leave my site for a second, the grim reaper will swoop in and I’ll never see my boy again.”

Baal: “That’s sweet of you and all, but your carpool is here for work, you know.”8Justice: “NEVER!  I will never let you go!  They will have to pry you off my cold dead body, for I have superglued you to my side, forever and ever.”

Baal: “Ok, now you’re getting a bit obsessed with keeping me alive…”

Justice: “YOU CANNOT LEAF ME I mean leave”9Hetal: “I demand the blood of the first born…”

Justice: “And I demand a BMW but we all can’t have what we want now can we”10Hetal: “Please, I want a snack”

Justice: “This witch for real”11Hetal: “Screw what my wife said, I’m sealing the ring in this wall painting for safe keeping forever and ever.”

Dee Dee: “Should I summon a yeti to steal Hetal away so she’d leave my nursery alone?  Awfully considering it…”
12Justice: “Our child will be safe long enough for us to make a spare.  You know, just in case something DOES happen to our little Hope.”

Dee Dee: “Don’t worry about that, I cursed the crib for a while to turn anyone who goes near it into a gnat.  She will definitely be safe.”13Hysteria: “Just going to bang on this broken sink for a while so I can’t hear my nasty cousin in there hitting it with her wife.”

Smart thinking.14Hysteria: *Grumble* “All that stupid military training and what do I get out of it?  The need to be tidy and neat all the damn time.  I want to build a rocket to blow up the capital, but what do I have to do first?  Mop up piss in my own bathroom!  This sucks.”15You got more to mop up in a minute, Hysteria.

Edgardo: “I DIDN’T DO IT, THE SINK IS NOT MY FAULT”

Yeah, I’m sure you think so.16Justice: “DANG IT!  Dee Dee!  The witch got our baby!”

Hetal: “Your puny curses do not work on me.  None the less.  You’re lucky, peon.  The baby pooped and I’m not eating a stinky diaper.”

Would be nice if you actually changed it then.17Across town, Arwing got married to one of my best friend’s in IRL sims.

Honestly, I’m not sure who got the worst end of the deal here.18Tyrone found love too, in the form of a sim that was married previously to another friend’s sim who apparently left him the day after their wedding to be with Tyrone.

Got to have something her husband did not to make her change her mind THAT fast.19Justice: “Hi I’m here to…. congradulate you……. please don’t eat me….”

Arwing: “I don’t eat, I FUSE”20Justice: “Please Mrs. Arwing, let me go!  I got a family to take care of!!”

Arwing: “The air is tasty today”21Toaster: “Why the fuck are you running THIS way?!  Get out while you can.  The other way is the exit.”

Justice: “OH”

Tyrone: “I WANT A MCGRIDDLE”  22Oh god, who’s child did they kidnap this time.

Arwing: “Color it with some paint, people will think it’s ours and we’ll have enough people to start a traveling circus.”

Tyrone: “I name him Beef Burrito.”23Back at the house.

Hetal: “I’m not allowed to eat the baby, I don’t know what to do!  I’m starving here!”

Hysteria: “Order a pizza and stop bitching already.  You’re not the one missing strips of skin now are you…”24Most wedding gifts that were in the mailbox were boring paintings and such.  Malcolm however felt the need to send a whole dragon egg.

Malcolm: “SUPERNATURAL!!!! HNNG”

Granted he’s Dee Dee ex-roomate and friend, I’m giving the egg to Justice as it was probably for their wedding.
25Justice: “Oh!  Who left this thick cucumber in my floor?!  Its so cute!”26The camera panned over.  You know what time it is.

Peace: “Yeah I know what time it is… definetely don’t like it though.”27Happiness: “I sense… my SON!  MY SON IS D-were you watching me sleep again, Peace?”

Peace: “Uh, I might have been?  Doesn’t matter now though, I can see through my own body.”28Happiness: “WAAAH MY SON MY BABY MY BUNDLE OF JOY LAST LIVING CHILD OF MY LIFE”

Death: “Hurry up I have a date at Red Lobster in 25 minutes.”

And so ended the life of Gen 3 Peace Fallen.  Good sim.  Never found his alien daughter, and I will always regret that.  29Justice: “I came as fast as I could!”

Happiness: “IT’S TOO LATE!  MY BABY BOY GONE FOREVER”

Wrath: “How do you make a hormone?  You don’t pay her.”30Happiness: “SOB!  HE WAS THE BEST THING I EVER PUT IN THIS WORLD”

Wrath: “SOB!  DEATH WOULDN’T TAKE ME WITH HIM TO RED LOBSTER”

Only the important things with these guys.31Justice: “Oh I miss him already!  He never got to meet his grandchild or anything.”

Happiness: “I guarentee he’s watching over here now as we speak.  I’m sure he would be thrilled with his granddaughter.”32Happiness: “Uh I take it back.  She’s not really all that thrilling.”

Justice: “Jeez, THANKS, grandfather.”

Peace came to be with Justice and all while he’s grieving the loss of his child.35Happiness: “This hallway has helped me find my inner harmony.”

Dee Dee: “Who is this fool in my house”

Not sure Dee Dee has ever really properly met Justice’s family other than seeing them at the wedding.
36Dee Dee: “WAAAAH, MY FATHER-IN-LAW IS GONE AND I MISS HIM”

You never MET him

Baal: “Yep, he ghost now.  Can’t wait to see THAT one haunting the refrigerator now.”
37OOPS the egg fell over38Ramiel: “SIKE I just hatched, hello.”

This is Ramiel, which I specifically named after the Angel of Hope, so when Hope is old enough, this is her dragon.
39Ramiel: *Dies*

Justice: “Well that’s a shame.”

Gnome in the corner: “Lol don’t care”
40Hetal: “I feel my sexy corset is getting tight.  I must be with child!”

Hysteria: “K”

And so begin’s the fifth generation of evil.41Justice: “We all know what the purple dragons are able to summon, so let’s see what kind of power the green ones can do!”42Justice: *Is murdered by lightning*

Just kidding, Ramiel actually summoned a ruby gemstone.43Hetal: “Someone locked us in the nursery and won’t let us out!  Please!  I will force myself to pee all over the floor if you don’t open the door!”

Happiness: “I just want to go to the back yard and play in hot coals and I can’t do that :(“44Hetal: “Dee Dee I’m warning you I WILL eat this baby if you don’t open the door!”

Happiness: “We’re all going to die in here.  Is this how it all ends?”

The door was “jammed” because of a gnome, but I had long moved him out of the way and he’s still “blocking” the door.45Happiness: “Well if I’m dying at least I guess to die with a cute babe like you.”

Hetal: “SOMEONE OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR BEFORE I BEAT THIS MAN INTO A PILE OF VAMPIRIC SLUDGE”

I ended up moving the door.46Dee Dee popped and a spare baby is on the way!

Baal: “Sad 4 Peace, cry”47Hysteria: “She popped AGES ago!  Now all she’s doing is hogging the bathroom.”

Dee Dee: “What me?  Aw, now why would I do a little thing like that? :)”

That smirk on your face, Dee Dee you’re doing that on purpose!!48Hysteria: “This can’t be, this CAN’T be!  I’m the matriarch, I can’t have my first fail be like this!!  I can’t have this mark on my record!  I could just die!!”

Dee Dee: “Then perish”

Dee Dee, DON’T be so smug about this, jeez…49Hysteria: “So I came to the conclusion while I was considering pummeling your wife, that the reason I won’t take a photo with you for the wall is because I don’t fucking know you.”

Justice: “That’s true I think… I don’t recall a time you have actually ever talked to me.”

Hysteria: “Yeah. So, hi, my name is Hy-I mean Agony and I live here.”

Justice: “Yay budding friendship!”50Oh NO, don’t you two do this to me like this.

Justice: “Sexy, but oh no my poor father”51Hysteria: “Oh fucking hell, she’s hot”

Never talk to her ever again, that is your distant COUSIN.52In the end there were no “what’s your sign” wants or whatever, and the photo was taken.

Hysteria: “Nice.  I look good in here.  I look good in every photo, either way.  Now that that was done, never talk to me ever again, Justice.”

Justice: “Sad beans.”53It was hung up next to the potion station to commemorate the one time our heiress’ talked to each other for the first and probably only time in the house.

Good Hope

1Hetal: “Oh the evil things I’m going to do to this shitty wallpaper…”

Baal: “Hello new house resident.  I’m glad to meet your acquaintance.  While I have your attention, may I ask you something that has been on my mind lately?  …Do you think gasoline is vegan?”

Last chapter Hysteria forced Hetal to grow up since it could be another week or two before she finally became an adult.  Knowing my luck she was probably due for a birthday in a day or two but it’s behind us now.  She’s an adult, and Hysteria already got her to move in so have fun with Baal’s stupid questions, Hetal.

Dee Dee got pregnant, and now Hetal and Hysteria are engaged, so now the ball is really rolling at the Fallens now.2Hetal: “Hey fat girl.  You want to see me bounce this head of lettuce on my butt?”

Dee Dee: “Can’t hear you, too busy getting a migraine from these kitchen colors.  Maybe some other time.”3Hetal: “Ugh whatever.  I don’t have to eat this lowly ass salad.  I can conjure my own food, from thin air.  That’s more than you non-witch losers can do, isn’t it?!”

Dee Dee: “Actually can relate, just don’t care.”

Justice: “Don’t worry, I’m making a salad with no booty tossing involved in making it!”
4Justice: “Do baby like salad?”

Dee Dee: “I actually may have died a bit on the inside, I haven’t moved from this spot for a few hours now.”5Justice: “Now that my wife has been fed, time to achieve my dream of mixing chemicals and not burning alive.”

Dee Dee: “Please don’t die over there, love.”

Hetal: “Nah actually, please do die.  This salad tastes even worse than my ass salad.”6Justice: “I DID IT!  I finally DID IT!  I have never seen anything so beautiful in my whole life!  I still have to do my other wish of creating a specific horror potion but this is great!  Now I can wish for anything else!”7And she wishes for the ancient curse that is a new trampoline.

Nothing like bouncing around in the frozen yard at night in your wedding dress!8Justice: “And then I wished to play chess, and here we are now, love!”

Dee Dee: “I see, but what in the world is wrong with this board?  Is this a manufacturing error?”9Justice: “Oh don’t be silly, this is Chess 2!  It’s chess, but with a new rule book, new pieces like Rook 2, Pawn 2, Queen with a Gun, and a whole new board for all around family fun!”

Dee Dee: “Can’t say I’m having fun.”10The next morning, the family awoke to discover something.

Justice: “zzzmmmph, is it that I never wake with morning breath?  Mmmm, my shiny teeth ‘n me, zzzzz, (shiny teeth shiny teeth)”11Dee Dee: “NO, THE BABY IS ON ITS WAY, HURRRRN”

Justice: “WHOOP, up and out we go.”12Hysteria: “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?? WHAT IS MY MOTHER DOING TO MY RIGHTFUL HOUSE!?!”

Just don’t look at it and it will be fine.

For the record, I don’t even really check on that side of the street anymore, because as smooth as my game is right now, every time I go over there it chokes up.  I scroll through their icons to check on them every so often to see if they aren’t holding in pee or not sleeping, but so far, as long as they are good, I leave the lot alone.13Hysteria: “Welcome back.  The fuck is that.”

Dee Dee: “This would be our new baby.  I would introduce but it’s cold outside and I must go in and keep her warm.”14Hysteria: “Humph.  This is what I think of you and your newborn baby.”

Dee Dee: “I do not like you.”15New baby time!  This is baby Hope Fallen, baby 1 of Gen 5 of the legacy!

She is a loner and a heavy sleeper so far, and her favorites are R&B, pancakes, and the color grey.  So far not much, but she is a witch.16Baal: “And for her I will protect her with my LIFE!”

Baal is a really good dog.17Alex: “Bah humbug.  The Christmas season.  Can’t stand this mess.  If they think I’m going to put in extra effort this holiday season, they can forget it.”

Define effort.

Frida: “Hey.  Ghost of Christmas Present here.  I don’t really have to show you a damn thing, but considering how much of a crappy person you are I’m just going to smack you in the head with this ugly bench.”18Alex: *Has been smacked*

Serenity: “Ugh.  You know, this is your fault Sabrina.  You let a trashy skank of a maid into this house after all.”

Alice: “That’s Sabrina’s fault?  Wow, what a dumbass.”

Sabrina: “How is the dead hooker maid MY fault?!”19The party is a gift giving party!  Which Justice wanted and now that they work I’m fine with having.20Justice: “As much as I really wanted this party, everyone come open presents!  I’m tired and gonna go on and go to bed as soon as possible, but you guys get started!”

Jin: “Where are my grandchildren?!  The ones the ugly mean pink one promised?!”

Justice: “Uh…”21Jin: “I am here to teach them the ways of the ho.”

Justice: “What”

Malcolm: “Alice, I’m scared”22Justice: “Well, I’m just going to go first after all, and see what you got me for the holidays, so you can go home, Serenity.”

Agony: “Is she still doing that passing out thing at the sign of ghosts?  Lame.”23Justice: “Wow!  A whole Playstation 4!  Thanks Serenity!  You’re the best big sister ever!”

Serenity: *Is out*

And then, BAAL DIED

But instantly 2.4 seconds later MY POWER WENT OUT

so we return back to before Hope was born, and Baal gets a second chance!24It was only a couple days so I’m not completely burned about it.  Though I was planning Hysteria’s and Hetal’s wedding on the same day Justice wanted a gift giving party, so I went ahead and had the wedding the day before Hope is due.

Not wanting the same thing as Justice and Dee Dee, Hysteria held hers at the bar when she and Hetal had their first “date”.

Hysteria: “This layout is acceptable.”25Hetal: “Mother.  I’m glad you could make it to my big day.  I am dressed in a stolen dress, drenched in the blood of my enemies.”

Dee Dee: “Actually I donated it to her since I didn’t use it and she colored it with a sharpie but I’m not in this shot so whatever.”

I’m really liking Jin’s stockings.26Jin: “Bye.  I’ll watch the video when you guys put it on YouTube.”

Hetal: “Mom… why, you’re my only friend…”

She was also the only one invited.27Hysteria: “Forget her.  We can destroy her life later.  Today it’s just about you and me.”

Hetal: “Oh my beloved.  I have been awaiting this day since I grew up, like two nights ago.”28Justice: “Oh… so sleepy.  I still haven’t had a chance to take a nap and I’m about to pass out…”

Hysteria: “You RUIN my wedding, and I will RUIN your life, Justice!  You better whip out that moodlet manager RIGHT NOW!”29Justice: *Whips it*

Hysteria: “That’s what I THOUGHT”30Justice doesn’t need to ruin the wedding.  Hetal can do that for us.

Hetal: “Halfway to the altar I decided that snack time is more important, be right back”

Hysteria: “NO!  I will not tolerate distractions!  My wedding will be just as successful as Justice’s and there will be NO hang-ups!”31Hysteria: “Uh, Hetal?  The fuck?”

Hetal: “Yeah, it’s lame.  More or less when my mom left the party was over.  Isn’t that something shitty?”

Hysteria: “UM.  NO??”32Hysteria: “Here’s the deal.  We are still having our wedding, party with your shitty mother or not.  And if you keep ignoring my asks to come to the altar, they’ll be picking little Hetal bits out of the back dumpster for weeks.”

Justice: “So violent…”

Belinda: “WHO’S CATERING”33Hetal: “Grumble grumble.  Fine I’m here.”

Hysteria: “Of course.”

Justice: “Tell me when you guys are starting.  I’m learning how to make buttered toast!”

Dee Dee: “Hun, just come sit down.”34Hysteria: “And til death due us part-”

Hetal: “There will be no death.  After our souls leave this mortal coil, you are forever bound to me by the will of the Dark Coven Lord himself.”

Hysteria: “Even hotter!”

Dog: “Pardon me for intruding but I NEED SNACK”

Justice: “Aw, you poor puppy… if only I knew a potion that could help you in this circumstance… speaking of potions, I never finished the first want and must go back to doing that want ALL OVER AGAIN”35And with that, perfect wedding fini-

Ashley: “SPliiiiiiiiiit peAAAAA souuuUUUUuuuppp”

This wedding was a trainwreck, moving on.36Hetal, now an offical Fallen, is evil, great kisser, clumsy and has no sense of humor.  When she grew up she became a computer whiz (so fitting), and her LTW is The Tinkerer.  That’ll be up to her whether she gets it or not (she won’t)

I kept her look as close to a witchy motif as I could, and let her keep her Wicked Witch of the East stockings but replaced her ruby slippers with some ruby shit stompers.

Hetal: “More comfy than some outdated slippers anyway.”

Now that that has been established, back to wish granting, as Justice has to get back to getting that potion wish out of her want panel.36Justice: *Already standing in the corner where she belongs*

Hopeless, absolutely hopeless.37Baal is still alive so far, kicking back and enjoying life 🙂

Baal: “FUCK THIS COUCH”

Dee Dee: “If the couch wasn’t as ugly as this whole room is, I would be completely miffed.”38Someone pray tell what I’m fucking looking at.

Hetal: “Sexiness thank you very much.”

Eunice: “Bye, I’m shoving myself in the stove now.”
39Eunice: “Oh wow, I found waffles in there!  I guess the afterlife isn’t so bad after all.”

They were actually left in there when Dee Dee ran out to birth the baby. I didn’t realize she forgot them in the stove, so in retrospect, you may have saved lives today, Eunice.  Thank you!

Eunice: “Fuck.”40Dee Dee: “I’m back with the baby, and it’s good to see the house didn’t burn down (I guess).  Baal, meet Hope, again!  This time she likes soul music, vegetarian fish and chips (nasty), and her favorite color is green.  Boring.  However, this time she is perceptive and good, and because she’s good, she’s heiress unless a good sibling is born!”

Baal: “Just sit her on the floor over there and I’ll still watch over her with my life and all, but this couch has got to GO”41Hysteria: *Surplexs an innocent snowman*42Justice: “So glad to have you in my life, Hope.  You’re the greatest thing I have ever made, even above that potion I made in another life!”

Justice is going to be great at parenthood.
43She wanted a party again, so back to where we were to start with *Saves game*

Jin: *Really determined to hoe it up* “Ok, where are those grandbabies?”

Hetal: “Look mom.  After what you did at my wedding, I assure you.  You will never see your future grandbabies as long as I live.”44Dee Dee: “Oooh, I sure hope I get an actual winter coat for my gift!”

*No one caring*45Dee Dee: “Ugh, why me?!  This dress is cursed!!”

DON’T YOU EVEN

GO TO THE BATHROOM46Dee Dee: *Crumples on the floor instead*

Pip: “I may not be invited, but who’s the party crashing cat?”

Jax: “I’m just here for gifts like the rest of y’all.  Meow.”

It’s my simself’s roommate’s cat, of whom I think followed my simself.  47Dee Dee: “Look!  Two pets came to our party!  Hello sweet babies!  You are welcome to our party!”

Pennie: *Barreling in from left field*

Jax: “What?  Fuck off.”48Dee Dee: “Oops, I stood up too fast, because it all rushed out at once… Maybe no one can tell from how thick the wedding dress is…”49Agony: “What the hell.  You smell like piss.”

Malcolm: “Dee Dee?  Did you really have to eat asparagus and ruin Christmas?”

Dee Dee: “We just going to ignore the pets pummeling the lives out of each other on the carpet?  Yea?”50Agony: “Look at what has happened.  My dog has died for your holiday party in exchange for Baal not dying this go around.  Are you bastards happy now?!”

Dee Dee: “Now that I think about it, I may not have washed this dress from the first time I wet myself in it.  Mmm, musty.”51Hysteria: “Uh excuse you all but who’s cat is this?”

Jax: “I know the bitch isn’t thinking about me.”

Well maybe stop being broken.

Serenity: “Mm, thanks for the fruity pebbles, guys”52Now that I’m looking at the pets, Pennie looks like Baal almost, in several ways.

Agony: “I didn’t get to have much when I moved out of the family.  Hysteria took everything from me, even Baal, so I have to settle for this Chinese bootleg.”

She is still cute though.52Justice: “I feel pukey now, and it’s not from the strong smell of piss in the room.”

Sabrina: “Of course you do.  Stay away from me, I got work in the morning.”53Jax: “GREAT PARTY!  HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE!”

Haley: “Glad you are, cat.  Because I sure as hell ain’t.”54Baal: “Um, hello?”

Pennie: “Hello new friend!  I love what you’ve done to your home!  It’s so cozy, and the half eaten couch is such a nice touch in your living room!”

Baal: “Oh, thanks!  I worked hard on it.”56.jpgJustice: “They’re appearance really is uncanny.  Are you sure they aren’t related?”

Agony: “Kinda.  After all all of Baal’s children and grandchildren and so on died in the fire pit that was Hidden Springs eons ago.”

Dee Dee: “That’s depressing.  Maybe one of his offspring actually survived after all, and it’s Pennie!”

I love to think about it that way.55Baal: “Never use sprinkler water to drink from because they put chemicals in there so whenever they want you to forget about political conspiracies, they activate the chemicals to make you forget!  This is how the Oligarchy stays in power!”

Pennie: “And never trust birds of prey!  They’re really government drones designed to keep an eye on you in case you become woke to those conspiracies, and that’s how the FBI find you!  Eye in the sky, they fly up high!”

Baal: “Wow you really are my daughter!!  My child! ;-;”

Justice: “Aw, they like each other :)”57Baal: “And there she goes, out in the world, I’ll probably never see her again, but I hope life is good to her.”

Jax: “Come on, before I wreck your ass again.”

Pennie: “Yes sir.”58Justice didn’t get the game console this go around, but Hysteria got one gnome and five guitars from this.

Hysteria: “Originally I was pissed but now I have many replacements to bash over people’s heads every time I break one.”

Silver lining.
59And finally caught up from the black out.  This time Baal lived, so he can at least sleep one more day by his master’s side where he’s fond of sleeping these days.60Baal: “Actually I can’t sleep.  Something’s keeping me up…”

Uh, forgetting to die maybe?

Baal: “I forgot to warn Pennie about the chemicals they put in our chicken too…”

Just go to sleep.