Archive by Author | missmiserie

The New Locals

1To placid and cool Moonlight Falls!  Look at how crisp and clean it is.2Moonlight was chosen as our new town since I spent a while researching other towns, trying to research all the good and evil townies and deciding based on that.  But I decided that wasn’t as fun as moving to an unknown town and finding who is good/evil as a surprise.  So between Moonlight Falls and Isla Paradiso, or buy an entirely new town altogether (and risk tanking my computer), I chose Moonlight, as it best seemed to fit the family’s themes.3So, lets officially give our heiress’ the reins and introductory cards to go on the facts pages.  Hysteria’s full list of traits now reveal her to be brave and neat, along with everything else.

3And Justice for the record as well.4They were moved into a pre-made house solely because I just didnt want to deal with lag and crashes while dealing with build mode, even though the new town runs so smoothly right now.  I just didn’t want to jinx it.

Justice: “There is nothing wrong with this!  Such a lovely, modest house, and it’ll really perk up once I hang some nice sunny curtains around the living room.” 5Hysteria: “I don’t understand.  We have half a million simoleons and we pick a dumpy renter house?  As heiresses we should have the pick of the mill, shouldn’t we?”

Justice: “We don’t need wealth to be happy!  Simple and contemporary is where it’s at.  We start a simple life on a smaller lot, and our lives will run so much smoother and better, and we will be happy!  You’ll see!”

Hysteria: “Hm we’ll see how much happier and smoother you’ll be when I run your face over this splintery old floor.”
67Super fast tour of the house lay out.  It really is simple.  As time goes on I’m sure I’ll build onto it and I’m going to, for the most part, let their wishes dictate what type of furniture we get.8There’s plenty of space.  A very humble back yard that just needs the right Fallen touches to make it home.
9There we go.  All done and normal now.10Agony: “Hey.  A mailbox just materalized across the street.  Did we just get new neighbors?”

Nope.  I ended up having the family buy a second lot because even though I said I wasn’t going to build a house for these guys, I uh, ended up building a house for these guys.

I never said I was good at sticking to plans.

12Welcome to the “secondary” home for the Fallens!  Here is where the family members I don’t play with can hang out in (until they wander back over to the main house and refuse to leave for I’m sure many reasons).

I can’t find any rules saying they can’t have their own “retirement” homes.  It’ll probably end up being the main home anyway, but at the rate my game drags down, a lot of sims on one lot probably doesn’t help.  So they can “move out” without moving out.  It’s a win win!14Starting the tour, with Wrath!  Come on into your new abode, you earned it!

Wrath: “I earned shit?  What kind of unfinished dump is this, you forgot to fucking recolor the roof walls, what kind of craftmanship is this?!”

Well you can always live in a dumpster for all I care really.
15Wrath: “What a living room.  I can’t wait to drink cyanide in here and die surrounded by furniture like this.”16Wrath: “You’ll listen to my jokes for the rest of my days, won’t you?”

Statue: “I was told I was being ported into an Elder Scrolls game, not this mess.  I wish for death and corruption.”

Wrath: “That’s the spirit!”17Across the yard, Happiness and Peace were less picky about their set up.

Happiness: “Can’t wait to actually get some paint and match the wood grains of the windows up to the front door.”

Nevermind.  They’re picky.
18Happiness: “Love this view of the living room!  I can see behind the tv from here!”

Nice, simple, bright style.  A lively house that my lively boys will enjoy.
19Too bad I apparently can’t remember how to add fish in the fucking fish tank, they just BODY SLAM THEMSELVES THROUGH THE DAMN THING AND LAY THERE

Tuna: “I’m ded lol”20Ok, time to three speed through this tour, because the laziness kicked in.  I used blueprints, by the way, to get a layout and a decent symmetry of the two houses.  Just like with the other house, it’ll evolve into a proper Fallen house over time.21The good house got a gym and an art studio, along with their basics, and the evil house got a back foyer and a home entertainment room.  Bedrooms and spare bedrooms will get prettyfied as time goes on.22Evil backyard poolside and garden…23Good backyard side and garden.  May it stay clean and simple.24Hysteria: “You mean to tell me… my shitty mother and her bumfuck cousins get the penthouse treatment and I’m forced to shovel it in this dump asbestos packed town house?  If that isn’t the largest load of shit I’ve been dealt with since living my whole life in a boarding school…”

Be happy.  Why aren’t you happy?  I abided by your first wish.  You were given a potions table.  Go blow your kitchen up and be happy.

Hysteria: “At least I got poisons to play with and die to.”

Not what I meant I think.25Agony: “Well, there goes Serenity, taking off instantly to be free in this new world…  No need for her to stay in this family and take up space, so maybe… I should too.  I should also take this opportunity to restart my life.  Take up a new name, a new title, and start fresh.  This could be my chance of a lifetime…”26And with that, Serenity finally left the family roster, and Agony went her way.  Forging her own path in the opposite direction, letting the sidewalk take her to destinations anew.

Sike, I moved them out together into an even tinier house next to a graveyard somewhere.  27In doing so, I looked around this town again since I don’t remember much from the Supernatural playthrough at this point.  The weather stone usually lands in interesting locations, but this one decided to pick a very bland and uninteresting spot to bore me with.29I don’t recall there being well houses in the sims, but there are a few in this town, and I find them so cute!  They clearly aren’t built in build mode, so I wonder if they are hidden items in testing mode or something.28This one is a bit ominous to me.  A chain on a well house either means something is being kept out… or kept in.

Then again.  It could just be for security purposes.  After all I’m used to secret back sheds having dead bodies in them at this point.

Edgardo: *Ghostly distant frustration groans*30The decrepit abandoned house in the middle of town looks just as spooky as ever.  I should peek around here at night and see if any spookies hang around this place, like the mineshafts at Twinbrook. 31Speaking of, I’m feeling a lot of Twinbrook homey vibes now!  A budding trailer park!  Can’t wait to make friends with the locals in this town.32Anyway, got horribly distracted and tried to find well houses in buy mode and debug mode and town edit mode, etc, and I just can’t.  I actually can’t find half the stuff I could have sworn I used to have access to… and ended up decorating the town with random stuff.  Like the Island Paradise statues.  This one looks over the town on one side, protecting it from harm and evil.33The one placed on the other side of town… doesn’t give the same vibe to be fair.  He kinda looks less protecting and more menacing from this point of view.  I tried not to though.34Added another on the beach for good measure.  Got to protect the legacy family from crazy Death children trying to build maze dungeons for their evil reasons.35Added a couple more in the ocean to protect the town against Cthulu and pirates but effed up and one of them is magically floating and I can’t fix him so let’s just go back to the legacy house for the time being.36Justice: “All that neat stuff in Edit Town and all you give us is a stop light.  In the middle of our street.”

In hind sight, and to be fair, it will probably do more good than a yield sign at a cross road.  But then again I know as much about proper signs in proper places than sims do about actually driving.
37Happiness: “Alright then, with that I’m out to do a bit of work.  Time to dazzle this town and get me some new fans!  Watch the house while I’m gone, son!”

Peace: “I think that’s what I was already doing, since I haven’t moved from this morning…”38Time to get started on scouting the town.  Justice wants to start her wishes by meeting someone new, and what better way to look for good and evil sims.

Justice: “Howdy!  I just moved into town and cannot wait to get to know our new, wonderful neighbors!”

Janet: “Neat.”39Janet: “K, bye.”

Justice: “Well she nyoomed away so fast it about took my face off.  No matter.  I’m sure she has other things to do, and we’ll probably be fast friends soon, as she’s going to be one of my co-workers from the looks of things!”
40Wrath: “No wait.  Hold on.  I’m formulating a good dick joke if you give me five more minutes.”

Nah.  Just making sure y’all haven’t burned the place down yet.  Carry on.41Happiness: “LAME.  No good traited people here for my granddaughter, just stinky hippies recycling the local garbage for the good of the environment!”

Rainflower: “Babe, I don’t like this guy… he’s… he’s wearing a real leather coat!”

Happiness keeps getting song-a-grams and it helps to scout the town.  So far there’s nothing to find though.

42You guys still boring as ever I see.

Wrath: “At least I’m putting effort into it.  Fartass over there thinks he’s going to live on the sidewalk forever.”

Peace: “Nah, it’s just… Dad took the house keys with him when he went to work.  I got to wait til he comes back and lets me in.”43Hysteria: “YES.  Finally finished my first wish.  Now to pour it in Justice’s morning orange juice and head to town to meet some new people of my own!”44Hysteria: “Listen to my guitaring and appreciate my presence, you peons.  Else you will be burnt down with this shack.”

Argus: “Burnt down…?  To be honest that might be less painful than the guitar twanging.”

Pappy: “I don’t know, the high pitched string plucking sounds like a nice warm dog whistle and it really revs my engine.”
45Justice: “Coming in to watch a cooking channel real quick!  Got the urge to watch some Chopped!  Anyone want to join me?!”

Hysteria: “Can’t go an hour without her in my ass, can I.”46Happiness: “You look like you’re in the need for a song-a-gram, sir.  How about it?  Spend a meager $800, I’ll rip off a feel good song for 10 seconds to boost your mood.  It’s a good deal if I say so myself.”47While Happiness makes that mad pay money, I finally found a Good sim to keep in mind!48Happiness: *Doesn’t actually sing, just breaks down in the chicken dance for a couple seconds*

Deedee: “Wow, you were right!  It really was worth two of my paychecks!”49Deedee: “Wait… why do I have a sudden fear of a presence… one of a legacy kind…”

Justice: “Please!  I ran across town just to meet you!  And potentially share recipes I learned on Top Chef!”50Deedee: “Well I do love a good cooking show.  Apparently my bio says I like cooking.  My traits don’t but then again when’s the last time traits effected how people interact with anything, haha.”

Justice: “You’d be surprised.”52Justice: “Anyway.  I like you.  Have some hearts.  I hope you come around to Netflix and grill with me sometime.  Sincerely, and it will be fun, we can learn how to cook together.”

Deedee: “That’s actually very sweet of you.  I think I would like to take you up on that offer.”51Justice: “Also I think I should apologize for my brash and silly grandpa.  Sometimes he can be a bit energetic.”

Happiness: “Can’t wait to get my muscles back!  Gonna be thicc for like, a week!  Gotta feel the burn I mastered ages ago and never picked back up!”53Meanwhile, about a block from the house, someone gave me a notification that they started a career in photography… in this weather and in this lighting, I can’t say it’s going to be a successful career start…54Hetal: “Eh.  Photography isn’t real art anyway.  It’s just a nice profitable scam I can sell to the Louvre or whatever that shit is.  Just send them my foggy black nature shots and call it art.  Easy fifty grand per photo probably.”

Oh, an Evil jackpot I have landed on here.
55Hysteria: *Flies over at breakneck speeds for an introduction* “FUCK she’s like a full head shorter than I am.”

Hetal: “I sure hope I don’t fail the ninth grade again this year.”

No problem.  No rush.  We got plenty of time to build at least a solid friendship.
56Hetal: “Join me, stranger.  Let us have a nice lunch that I may or may not have poisoned myself.”

Hysteria: “A chance to eat a poisoned burger?!  I woman after my own heart!”
57Hysteria: “… I just sat down in a fucking water puddle didn’t I.”

Hetal: “Isn’t that cold, horrid feeling just the best?  Gloomy, miserable nights like this are the best to have a picnic in.”58Well, at least for Hysteria, picking her future mate wasn’t hard at all.  Hetal is a must have for the Fallens.

Hysteria: “And with her black magic and all things gloomy, we will rule this town with an iron fist!”

Hetal: “And iron wrists!  I hope.  Since I just destroyed both of mine just now.  Hurts like a bitch.”

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Face Off

1WAIT

NO THAT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN

I DIDN’T REALLY PLAN FOR THAT2The hospital has a shit care plan so Agony wakes up post-surgery in the rain on a hard park bench.

???: “Yeah, but I woke up on my bench first.”3???: “Wake up you insect, and witness my perfection.”

Agony: “Mmmzzzz, wuah… wazzat?  Tommy Wiseau is that your voice?”4Hysteria: “(You dumb block of rank cheese, no), it’s me, your replacement and the new offical heiress to the Fallen dynasty!  The new Agony, and you… you’re now whatever that hobo in the scrubs made.”5HHHHHHHHH TOO CLOSE IN

WHAT DID THOSE PEOPLE DO TO YOU6Agony: “My… my nose!  My lips… what did you tell them to do to my face?!”

Hysteria: “Just a fairly easy transplant from you to myself.  The dude doing the surgery then found whatever he had lying around to stitch up your holes.  I’m pretty sure your nose used to be an old toe.”7Agony: “WHY of all things, steal parts of my face?!  The vast majority of our faces were the SAME!  I think the only things you really took were my ears, lips, and boobs!  What is the point of all that?!”

Hysteria: “I needed perfection!  I need to be able to walk into the house without those other clowns realizing that the real Agony is gone and I’m an imposter!  There is no room for flaw!”

Agony: “Oh good luck getting past them like that!  The doctors clearly couldn’t transfer my fashion sense so what are they gonna say when you walk in with missing textures?”

8Hysteria: “You think they’d even notice that?  They’re dumb video game characters that would rather stand in one spot for 7 hours then pass out rather than walk up a flight of stairs to their bedroom, you really think they can see a difference between blue and purple?  This is nothing.”

Agony: “You… you really are psychotic… to break the fourth wall like that… that’s just horrible.”9Agony: “It won’t last!  They aren’t THAT stupid!  They will see past it all eventually, you can’t get down all my traits and quirks, and look!  You can’t even control my face for more than four minutes!  You’ve already busted my lower lip!”

Hysteria: “AW, FHUR FHAWKS SAKE! ‘OW DO YOU TALK WIFH DISS AH’LLOON AH’ YOUR AH’CE!!”10Hysteria: “‘Ou wait right here, an’ whe’ I geh ‘ack h’rom ge’ing a new collegen s’ot, ‘ou ‘etter ‘e gone!”

Agony: “Bitch try me.”

11Hysteria: “Listen, if I so much as see you in my houh’e e’h again I will sh’trangle you in ‘ront of de ‘amily and clan’g you as an e’r crone created by dat stu’id Secksie ro’ot frong down de street.”

Agony: “English bitch can you speak it!”12Hysteria: “Now that that has been fixed.  Begone from me.  I never want to see you around me, my legacy or my property ever again.  As I said, I will murder you and make you look like a new busted bone maid if you wander into the same room with me ever again.”

Agony: “That’s so evil! You can’t get away with it, they’ll find out!  Justice will SURELY see through it!  She’s a cop now, she will punish you! Just how can you do this to your own sister! “13Hysteria: “Very easily when I was forced away and had nothing to do with any of you for my entire life.  Goodbye Agony.  It was shit knowing you.”14Agony: “How could she do this to me… she took everything!  My life… my family… even my most precious possessions, my boobs!”15Agony: “I have never been so disgraced in my life, and so furious and heartbroken and angry and sad… where do I go from here!”16Bonus.

Agony: “It was YOU.  YOU’RE THE ONE THAT WANDERED INTO THE HOSPITAL AND MUTILATED MY FACE”

Jarrett: “What in the FUCK ARE YOU”17So far the rest of the family is oblivous, WHAT A SURPRISE.  Happiness was invited to his daughter’s holloween party, which is scary on its own not loading like this.

Charity: “There’s nothing scary, its decorated!  The theme is grey.  It matches my holloween outfit:  Grey.”

Happiness: “I guess I’m just happy you found a house to live in.”18Happiness: “My holloween outfit is nothing too adventurous but it kinda matches my best bro, whom I can sense from here.”19Jaime: “I like hiding away from the rest of the party and feeling up on my own ass.  This is how I spend my time these days.”20Jaime: “Don’t tell me you came all the way in here with social intentions just to cancel and stare at me.  That’s so lame.”

Happiness: “My actions are severely limited.  I just really wanted to at least see you again dude.  It’s been a while.”

Jaime: “Are we even friends anymore.”

21Ariel: “There is something… wrong with this one.  I don’t recognize it.  It’s not Agony, and it possesses a great amount of evil within it.”

Hysteria: “If it weren’t just a cat no one even pays attention to I would be concerned.  So get lost.  There’s nothing wrong with me.  It’s just I, Agony.  Now move along and go lick your anus or whatever you do around here.”22Ariel: “Yeah, Agony.  Because that’s exactly how Agony sounds and acts and drinks out of her mug.”

Hysteria: “What do you mean.  I am doing nothing wrong.  Sip sip.  Mmm.  Kool-aid or whatever.  *lip falls off in the cup*  ‘Uckin ‘hit not dis ‘hit again”23Agony: “That bitch thinks she can ban me from my own house.  I lived here before mom ever decided to crank her unwanted ass out!  I’m still on this family roster and I would LOVE to see her try to force me out of this property!”

Baal: “Hi Agony”

Agony: “Not right now you little shit, where’s the bookcase and the wall art?!”24Agony: “Actually… where is anything?  Where is everyone?  Hello, is anyone in here?”

Justice: “Hello, how can I help you today?”25Agony: “Oh thank god, Justice!  Someone with some sense!  I have to explain everything to you!  There’s an imposter amongst us, she came from-”
26Justice: “I hate to interrupt you, strange person, but we are in the process of packing all our belongings.”

Agony: “Strange person?!  Oh please don’t tell me Hysteria was right and you can’t recognize me!  Please Justice!  You have to listen to me, it’s of upmost importan-“27Agony: “What… What the fuck… where did the house go?  Where did anything here go??”28Justice: “I told you.  We are packing our belongings.  We plan on moving and broadening our horizons in a new town.  You are free to come with us and save yourself from this town’s destruction if you want to.”

Agony: “WHAT IN THE TEN FUCKS”

Bottle from like three gens ago: “Please end my existance.”29So in finally leaving this gear grinding town, I packed the family and packed the townies that I wanted to save.  In that process though, apparently someone in the Arwing family is a fucking.  WEREWOLF.  And I can’t pack them up because lycanism is too FUCKING CONFUSING FOR THE GAME ALGEHWIAOGKDJSAL30PRAY TELL, GAME, WHO HERE LOOKS LIKE A WEREWOLF

Game, in tears: “I… I don’t… I don’t know what they are at all!”

31Is it you, Cruelty?  Are you the werewolf?

Cruelty: “I’VE BEEN IN THIS HALLWAY FOR YEARS WHEN IS GOD GOING TO END MY SUFFERING”

Arwing: “My diet is working!  I’m about ready for my summer beach vacation :)”

I’m proud of you I think.
32Cruelty: “Aw, FUCK.  It’s walking like a damn zombie now!  Please don’t pack me with these losers, let me die in this horrible town!!”

Tyrone: “FEED ME SPLEENS”33Cruelty: “YOU ARE SO FUCKING UGLY”

Tyrone: “FEAR ME I’M A REPUBLICAN VOTER”34So it turns out Tyrone IS the mystery werewolf, along with being a broken zombie apparently.  That only turns into a proper zomwolf right before bed?  I don’t even know anymore.

Tyrone: *eyes bleed out right before a good night sleep*35Anyway, for some reason I can’t just reset him out of that state in order to pack him up, not even if I restart the whole town, so I’m forced to wait until the morning to save them and put them in the library, so the family has to wait.

Wrath: “I’M DYING OUT HERE!  GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER TYRONE”

Peace: “While I find Wrath is overreacting for the most part, it is cold out here.  Can someone unpack some mittens if I’m to stand out here for the remainder of the night?”36Justice ended up taking them to the salon to stay until morning.  Listening to them gripe is just sad.

Peace: “Now this is what I call shelter.  I really like our temporary new house.”

Serenity: “I still exist!”37In the meantime I’ll give the heiresses their legacy tattoos.  Family tradition and all.

Justice: “I may not be scared of needles, but I am afraid of the dark!  Hold me Agony!  I don’t like being alone in here!”

Hysteria: “If you even so much as fucking touch me I will rip your fingernails out one by one and put them in your eyelids.”38Justice: “What in all that is good is wrong with you, Agony?!  That wasn’t something you would normally say…”

Hysteria: “Oh shit sorry, I meant, um, beep beep.  I think the dark is swaggy.  Tattoo me and what all meanwhile I’ll jack it to that car photo on the wall because I think vehicles are my friends.”
39Justice: “I don’t know… something is off with Agony… I think a brainworm may have gotten into her head or something?”

Hysteria: “Behold.  My cool tits.  The only thing I love more than cars.  They lactate and everything!”40Meanwhile, the real Agony is still moping around.

Agony: “Can’t I just get an optical illusion tattooed on my face to give me the appearance that I still have a nose?  Even if its just that, please, I hate this raspy whistle it makes whenever I breath in!”

41For all their whining and complaining, the Old Folks Club still slept out in the cold rain on benches.  I guess if it keeps them quiet.42Justice: “I incorporated all my artistic license into this.  I know you asked for the devil wings, but I think these will make you look more… friendly.  The heart I took special liberty in to express my love for you.”

Hysteria: “That’s it.  Give me your fingernails.”43Peace: “Well, morning is here, father.  And I think that hobgoblin family has gone back to normal and been packed in the boxes.  Shall we make our leave and find a new town to make our lives in?”

Happiness: “Yeah!  Let’s bounce before its too late.”44And with that, we leave our long beloved Hidden Springs, that cradled our legacy from the beginning.  As it creaks down to it’s now gloomy and creaky current state, the Fallens bid it farewell as they travel…

When it Rains, We get Rainbows

Last chapter there were several birthdays, including Agony’s passage into adulthood.  She got no important traits, and is kinda stale.  Peace also had his birthday and will soon no longer be heir either.1In other sims news, I decided to revamp my simself up a bit, since I really haven’t changed her look since the sims 2.  Since I have been rocking a black sweater and jeans for probably over 12 years now, I switched up a bit.

Ironically, I actually cut my hair for the first time since I was a little girl a few months back, so the hairstyle is out of date.  But I downloaded it specifically because it looked just like my hair at the time, and I’ll be damned if I only use it once for a holloween event.

I’m happy with this one.  Won’t upload it, since it’s just the same old thing with a new can of paint, but I like my new look a lot.  I may insert myself into town one day, but maybe not now since I might move the family before too long.2Enough gushing on about me. We here for the sims that matter!  Isn’t that right… Arwing… carrying an open umbrella in her mouth…
3Arwing: “TASTY NYLON TAFFETA”

I would say its not healthy for her, but what do I know about her dietary habits.
4Marlena: “Yes!  Angela left one out just for me!  Now I’m going to learn how to crack this egg, and make an omlette!”

I hope her stupid ass has fun with that.5Serenity: “I’m gradurmurating.”

Happiness: “Everyone has to hop into the trunk.  As long as the limo is, it can only fit three people I believe.  But trust me, the trunk has a plasma tv so it’s the better sitting choice!”

Peace: “Can’t we take something more beneficiary  to us, like the MM?  I was hoping we’d all ride in it like I tried to command us all to do, but as usual, I get ignored.”

Its a dream I have too.6Especially when drivers like this happen.

Peace: “I need the MM right about NOW anyway, I have massive WHIPLASH”7Happiness: “Lets DO THIS THING!  I really want to get back in time for my soaps.”

Peace: “Dad, please wait!  Some of us are old and can’t keep up!  And some of us are still having problems loading in.”

Serenity: *Decomposes*

Wrath: “I can’t wait to be dead :)”8Peace: “The proudest day of my life.  Watching the girls I raised and the girls I help raise graduate at the surprisingly average top of their class and succeed in life!  Me and your Auntie Cynthia are so proud of you, Agony!  You are going to go so far!”

Agony: “I am the one that wants death now.”9Peace was so overexcited that he short circuited and passed out.  See, this is why I wanted an MM instead of a limo, but DOES ANYONE LISTEN? NOOO

Cynthia: “We were given a fair warning yes.  But really, do you rather be seen rolling up in a stretch limo, or a bootleg Scooby Doo mystery machine?”

Justice: “To be fair… we didn’t roll up in the limo.  We crashed it.”10Agony: “Woot WOO!  So glad I managed to pass advanced calculus and can’t wait to use my gained knowledge to raise children and die of old age like my ancestors before me! Legacy living ROCKS!”

Way to make it sound so unintresting, Agony.  If you’re really good, I’ll look into getting you an electric car if it will shut you the hell up. 11I TRIED to get everyone to ride down the block in the MM, AGAIN, because everyone was whining about something.  They all RAN down to the other side of the consignment store and continued to whine instead of getting in the STUPID VAN, GWAIUOHFDSK

Peace: “I just wanted to not be tired!  I just wanted to chill for a second, not run a marathon two blocks down from the school!”

Wrath: “Hey, I got some herbs for you that will chill you the fuck down, but you need to stop crying first.”

Justice: “Suddenly I don’t feel like I should be here.”12So I MM commanded them to the nightclub, on the OTHER side of town, so their lazy asses would not be tempted to run, and would for once, get into the van they apparently hate so much.  The only person at the club is a pregnant playboy bunny in her comfy loafers.

Larissa: “Can’t wear 6 inch heels while in my 3rd trimester!  The rib-tight corset is enough as it is.”13Peace: “Its that time again!  Ladies and… well really just lady.  I’m about to turn this droll club into a, uh, roll…ing club.  Listen, I’ll buy everyone drinks and play some Usher, let’s just get some life in this place!”14Proprietor: “Why am I even serving you drinks, Larissa?  Aren’t you pregnant?  Don’t you care about the wellbeing of your unborn child?!”15Larissa: “This is what I think of your “concern”.” *Reached over and knocks over one drink, really Larissa where’s your manners*

Proprietor: “Why, this is my only clean white shirt”16Larissa: “Fine, let me pick it back up and unspill it from your shirt.  Jeez, everyone is a whiner.”

Proprietor: “And you um… brought your daughter to the club with you?”

Larissa: “Do you know how hard it is to find a babysitter?  Especially on a third shift?  Look, you didn’t even know she was hiding in the back of a supply closet until the dude bought all of us drinks so serve up.”17Proprietor: “No, you’re like 9!  Don’t take that, I’m not about to serve a minor!”

Ethel: “Hey.  I’ve been stuck in a locker since the beginning of her shift, and if she was your mother, you’d want to have a drink too.  Now serve up, I will not take no for an answer.”

Proprietor: “I want a new job.”
18By the way, the rest of the team, NATURALLY, did not follow Peace in the MM.  That would have required them to actually GET IN the MM.  Nothing I can do for them now.  Nothing I want to do for them actually.  Bunch of lazy piss asses.

Cynthia: “Anyone remember red hands from back in the day?  Now that was a fun game.  We definetely should bring that back in a future DLC.”

Justice: “Mom, we’re never getting red hands back.  They ended the Sims 3 DLC programs ages ago.  We’re hardly getting updates anymore.  The end is nigh.  Can I please change out of my prom dress now?”19Then across town Tyrone grew up and I just HAD TO.  HURRRNNGGG

Tyrone: “WHO HAS CHICKEN NUGGETS”

Grape: *Is extremely fed up with this bullshit*20He more or less has a flat bed trailer for a lip.

Tyrone: “E”
21Don’t worry about the family though, they found their way home eventually.

Happiness: “Don’t mind me.  Just throwing myself out with the garbage, like I should have done a long time ago… now that I think about it though, I should flush myself down the toilet, I now feel that’s more fitting for something like me.”

Maybe he’s hitting that midlife crisis after all.

22Since Peace is only going to be heir for a few more days, he was to spend the remainder of those days cranking out work for his wishes.  He wants some heavy stacked ones so he better start doing better than this.

Peace: “Darn 5 ton block of stone crumbled because of this half pound worth of bloodstone!  It’s so much work to trek back up the side of the mountains to get another block!”
23Cynthia: “WHOA that was a sudden camera pan over.  I think it gave me a headrush.”

Agony: “Who knew my tits would look this good in my sleepwear… huh, did you say something, Cynthia?”24Cynthia: “Oh no, the head rush is really me dying!  Help be Baal, do something!”

Ariel: “Yeah, you aren’t going to make it.  You’re hallucinating so much you think I’m the dog?  RIP, old lady.”25Happiness: “Yeah, that’s a pretty hardcore hallucinating.  Considering Baal just got here.”

Cynthia: “Hey, not the concern right now??”26Justice: “Do something grandpa!  I’m only 16 and she hasn’t even seen me graduate, or get married, baby sat her grandkids, etc-”

Happiness: “What would I do, Justice?  I never died before, I don’t know what to do in this situation.”27Justice: “Please, Mr. Death.  Don’t take my mother.  I’m still so young and innocent.”

Cynthia: “Yes, please listen to the pleas of my young child and consider them, Death.”
28Cynthia: “PLEASE DEATH, I’M BEGGING YOU!  LISTEN TO MY DAUGHTER FOR GOODNESS SAKES”

Agony: “Aw, don’t start begging.  You completely ruined the moment, Cynthia.”29Justice: “Yeah mom.  Don’t start begging.  Even I think it’s unslightly.”

Cynthia: “SOMEONE ANYONE PLEASE, I STILL WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE”30Serenity: “Mom quick!  Please grab my hand, just for one last moment!”

Cynthia: *Reaches out but gets sucked into the afterlife void before reaching her daughter*

Justice: “You know, maybe mom wasn’t too far off.  From some angles the cat does kinda look like Baal.”
31Death: “Huh.  She laughed at the death of an old woman.  Maybe she has some evil in her after all.”

Agony: “Haha, yeah.  Best entertainment I received since I looked down at my own boobs in this outfit.”32Serenity: “Now that mother has passed from this earth, I must hibernate since there’s a FIGMENT OF DEATH IN THE KITCHEN”

Justice: “Come on, sis.  It’s just a corpse.  Get over it.”

Happiness: “It was only your MOTHER”33Justice: “Here you go Baal.  I’m going to put you on her face and you lick her with that “minty fresh” breath of yours until she wakes up.”

Baal: *Chews fingers* “lemme go”34RIP Cynthia Fallen.  You died really young compared to some *cough* Marlena *cough* and was relatively more useful around the house, compared to uh *COUGH*MARLENA*COUGH* some.

Her loving husband could not be found at the time of her death as he was still having a crisis of his own.

Peace: “I’M TIRED OF THESE MOTHERFLUFFING ROCKS IN MY MOTHERFLUFFING STATUES”

Dude, go into the kitchen.

35Peace: “That was a great idea!  Mmm.  Strawberry Blizzard.  My fave.”

Peace, that’s not what I meant… back to the backyard, I moved Cynthia out there by now.36Peace: “Golly, I sure love yard work, nothing like making the backyard crisp and clean for my loving family.”

BITCH GRIEVE YOUR DEAD WIFE37Peace: “NO MY WIFE MY LOVE MY FLOWER MY LIFE BLUHHUGHUGHU”

About time.  I don’t think at any point did Peace directly notice, and I felt I had to force him to at least act in his character.
38Happiness: “Boo hoo, my poor daughter in law!  She once almost came inside this building to watch me do one of my shows!”

Old guy: “Not what I came and paid good money to drink to.”39Angela: “I look forward to the day my greatgrandchild-in law comes and challenges me to an Overwatch match.  I’ve been training for ages for a new gaming buddy.  Is greatgrandchild-in-law a real thing?”

Justice: “Oh no.  I just realized, mom will be turning on the radio and doing aerobics for the rest of eternity in that skimpy unitard.  Why oh why did we not get together and make her wear something more normal?!”
40Soon, it was the last day for Peace to be heir holder.  Since he never really got to finishing those large-ass wishes (50 statues, what in the world would make you want that, Peace), this is the last wish he completed under my control.

Baal: “RELEASE ME HUMAN TRASH”

Peace: “Wee friendship”41Kirsten: “Guess who got her cleaning license renewed and restraining orders revoked?  Its meeeeee ❤ who missed this hot piece of ass?”

Peace: “If you think you can come near me and compare to the love of my beloved Cynthia, you got another thing coming.”42I then felt like spending some of the money Happiness keeps flooding this family with (sometimes).

I don’t think I ever used this snowman?  Maybe a long time ago for the Secksies before seasons, but he’s SO CUTE.  I know it’s almost summer for the Fallens but I really needed this little mustached face around for a bit.

Snowy the Man: “So we’re just going to ignore this hole in the patio you accidentally deleted?  Yeah?  Ok.”43And then BAM random skating rink!

And a swing set with caterpillars on it why not.

Snowy: *Continues to sweep around the hole humming conspicuously* 44Peace: “You FAILED school?!  The last day as a teenager and you have been bringing home F’s this WHOLE time!”

Justice: “Dad no, please not on my birthday!”

Baal: *Covers eyes in embarassment*45Peace: “This isn’t how I want to be remembered as heir… punishing my child on her greatest birthday of her life… oh, if Cynthia could only see me now, she’d be so disappointed…”

Go let her out.46Peace: “I was wrong in punishing you.  You can go early.  I love you.  Now please feed us cake.”

Justice: “You only letting me out of time out because you’re hungry ;-;”47Justice: “What should I wish for?”

Peace: “Bring back your mother and all the other innocents Frieza murdered in cold blood.”

Justice: “Dad, that’s not… oh, nevermind I’ll just wish for my LTW or something.”48Justice: “NO WAIT, I know what I wanted, I wanted to have a cooler outfit as an adult and not kill the game can I chanGE MY WISH”

Wrath: *Woke up just for this and is probably pissed*49And here she is ladies and gents.  Heir to the Good throne.  She has the Good trait, along with clumsy, couch potato, natural cook and animal lover.  I leaned towards her namesake while picking her LTW and she has International Super Spy.  Which with her traits might not be a good match?  But we’re here now.50Justice: “My first wish as heiress is to help my sister get the proper nutrients she needs to be healthy.  Here sis, eat some of our healthy organic cake.”

Serenity: “Yeah, but don’t insert it directly in my ribcage…”51Peace: “Wait… I’m not heir anymore.  How do I get back in my bed?  How do I get out of this kitchen?  How function?”

Serenity: “Oh goodness, he’s already falling apart now that he’s no longer under control.  Time to find a nice nursing home I suppose.”52While Peace struggles to remember how to find his way upstairs, sweet dreams Justice.  You have a big first day ahead of you for heirship.53While she slept, I looked for potential mates for both sides.  I think I’m definetely going to move the family to a new town very soon, but I wanted to see if there was potential here first.

Tristin: “I’m evil.  Look at my, uh, scarf of evil.”

I’m getting distant Edgardo descendant vibes from him.  Eh.  Next.
55WHOA TOASTER MY CHILD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU

Toaster: “Bitch my name is like Willard or something, can’t you read or at least remember.”

Officer: “Why do I live in the same house as the Annoying Orange?”
54Toaster: “This is YOUR fault!  I blame this horrid genetic mutation on YOU you contagious FREAK”

Tyrone: *licks fingers happily*
56There’s a lot more evil sims in the town than there are good ones, but they aren’t all that good looking either.  This one is distantly related to the Fallens too.  Not worth remembering the name for.
57The only one that impresses me is this Jodi dude.  He’s evil and sure as hell looks like it.

Jodi: “Time to feed the Overly Happy Lake Monster with one of my many many dogs!”

Fluffy: “Tired of your bs, Jodi.”

While I like him, he shares the name with one of my mother’s abusive ex-boyfriends and I can’t not see the bastard when I look at this sim.  So I can’t use him.58Its a shame because Jared is still around, and as a good sim, having two fairies in the house with conflicting traits would be neat.  Even though at this point he’s gone through like 12 wives.

Jared: “The last one ended in divorce and she took my wings in the settlement.  And half the lots too.”
59Justice’s official first wish as heiress was to get a job at the police department.  She also wished to be best friends with her father so it because a day out for the both of them.

Justice: “SHOOT!  I forgot today is graduation day!  My commands are all cancelled!  The court house, it calls me.”

Peace: “Please.  I’m begging you.  Get in the MM for goodness SAKES.”60Justice: “Its ok, Father!  I cancelled the trip to the court house, and now I get to graduate on the sidewalk!  Just like every other flunkie!”

Peace: “This is not what I wanted for my child.  I knew I should have gotten you some tutors.”61Justice: “And now, with this GED, I will get my job as a police officer and do my good for the people of this fair little town!”

And so she did.62Justice: “Well would you look at that, Father.  It’s raining.”63Peace: “Yes, but remember my child.  Even when it rains this much, we get rainbows as wonderful as this.  Remember that is the same in life.”

Justice: “That is so true, Father.”
64Hidden Springs: *MASS REFRACTION ACTIVATE*

I’ll still take this as a good omen for the family.65The remainder of the day was spent skilling together in the library.  And by that I mean they’re just reading books because I forgot how skill books actually work.

Peace: “Yeah but Raymundo has so many good ideas and adventures.”
66You may have noticed by now the “other heiress” isn’t really doing much.

Agony: “I haven’t moved from this spot since Cynthia died.  At least my tits still look good.”

That’s because she’s not under my control.  I’m not doing anything with her because…
67Hysteria: “I’m back you bitches.”

It returned and didn’t bother losing it’s evil trait.  That’s just great.
68Oh.  Well she’s mostly back I think.

69Hysteria: “Get the FUCK out of my face you fucking celery stick.  Literally.  Get out of me.”
70Hysteria: “Wow nothing has changed since the last time I was here.  Granted I was only here for a couple of days of my life, but still.  Nice to come back to the same hell hole.”71Hysteria: “And here she is.  The leech on my throne.  Swamping up MY house with her ogre stank.”

Agony: “What’s a deodorant stick”72Hysteria: “Greetings, Agony.”

Agony: “Hello 🙂 who the fuck is you?”73Hysteria: “Why it’s me, your long lost baby sister, Hysteria.  I was thrown out the second our moms got me walking, just like you.  Only unlike you, I was kept in pris-I mean military school while you got out as soon as your lower lip ballooned up thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.

But hey, no hard feelings.  As a matter of fact, even though I’m the one that should be celebrating my graduation from juvie, I mean Fort Starch, I would like to take you out on a surprise night out to celebrate your recent status change to heiress.”74Agony: “While I really shouldn’t trust a random balding stranger walking into my house at 11pm saying their my sister with little to no recollection of you ever being born, I would like that I suppose.  I’m only a few hours away from being stir crazy for being cooped up in the kitchen for several days.”75Hysteria: “That’s fantastic.  Just as expected.  We are going to have… a fantastic, night out…”

Agony: “Why are you talking all oddly… ew, no don’t smile please, that is unsettling and wrong somehow.”

I have little trust in this for Agony…

76Agony: “Where are we?  I thought we were going out for a nice dinner or something…”

Hysteria: “While a dinner sounds like a great idea, since I ate nothing but military rations for the past 18 years, we are making a pit stop here first…”
77Agony: “What is this?  This isn’t Fuddruckers.  This looks more like Sacred Spleen Memorial to me.”

Hysteria: “That’s because it is, you bimbo.”

Agony: “I don’t understand.  This isn’t a fun night out.  What’s the meaning of this?”78Hysteria: “Oh it’s simple really.  While the family is asleep and unaware that I returned at all, I will steal your face, resume your identity, and take over as heiress just as I should be.”

Agony: “What the hell?!  That’s… psychotic!”79Agony: “You need help!  Does this look like Face Off to you?!  You aren’t taking my face, you psycho!  There’s no way you are any sister of mine to be that crazy!”80Hysteria: “You know NOTHING.  Nothing about me, and obviously nothing about this family.  This family belongs to me, and I refuse to stand by or be chased off while it’s handed over to some car drooling, eco friendly weakling!”81Agony: “Get away from me!  I’m… I’m calling the police!  Justice will not put up with this!  She’ll have you put down!”

Hysteria: “Shut up and give me your face!!”82Agony: “STOP!  GET OFF OF ME!  SOMEONE STOP HER!”

Hysteria: “SHUT UP!  You don’t stand a chance against me, I spent my entire life in a military camp!  You cannot stop me!”83*Sounds of Agony getting knocked out and dragging noises across the pavement*84Hysteria: “And now, finally… doctor?  Me and my sister have a procedure we would like to have done as soon as possible…”

 

Clown in the Backyard

*Makes a New Year Resolution to at least finish one of my legacies this year*

*Two days in probably changes it to maybe get through one generation*

*Maybe half*
1I’m not good at ensuring the Fallens check their mail, so its no surprise Peace is just now finding his wedding present still in the mailbox, from Happiness no less, even though he still lives in the house with him.

Peace: “Dad, did you REALLY have to come out here and shove a whole jet fighter in the mailbox?!  How did you even pull this off??”

Happiness: “You know I honestly don’t remember?  It’s been two years now since your wedding, I had long forgotten that thing was even in there still…”2Nothing says love and forever after like shipping an F-14 Tomcat to the happy couple.

Now we have a matching pair!  One married couple can now fight together in a future world war or something.  Now that’s true love right there.3*Vampire skill buffs to level 10 on two paintings at a skill level of a toddler*

Happiness: “Aw give me a break!  They’re worth so much because I’m famous as it is!”

Yes, I could tell from your 3 fans at the Applebee’s down the street.4Agony: “Wow, an actual zombie in the family graveyard.  Highlight of my life right here.  Yeah.  Please let this be my only appearance in this whole chapter and leave me alone for the remainder of the chapter.”

Baal: “Fuck, our vacation is over, time to pretend to be a functioning piece of data again.”

Zombie who’s name I long forgotten in void of time: “:^)”4Justice: “Finally.  I’ve only looked forward to this day for six months.”

To be fair some teens do.
5Justice: “After all this time, and I’m saddened to say my dear sister will not be joining us for this lovely high school dance.”

Agony: “Jeez, when are you turdasses going to get over the loss of that alien fetus, whatever her name was.  Isotrope?”

Justice: “No, the other green one, the one that actually lives with us still.  Even though I don’t know how, she has apparently route failed in the kitchen again…”6Serenity: “I didn’t route fail, I just couldn’t bear to leave poor little Ariel alone without any food!  I’d die knowing I was out having a good time and our cat could be starving at home!”

Ariel: “I… I was just asking for a treat for doing a pee in the litter box.”

Wrath: “And this is why you aren’t getting heirship, Booger Girl.”7Agony attempting to be evil?  She’s not good at it.89Teen sweethearts!  Maybe they will develop corresponding good/evil traits and we get to keep them!10Notable teens from town.  Justine is not too bad aging up though.  Nose still looking like it was sculpted from tin foil.  Prom dress from the Dollar Tree store.  Name might be Janelle, I don’t fucking remember most of the Florida Men offspring’s names anymore.  But she’s still doing ok.11Rodrigo still exists.  12Welp, Prom lasted past 11:00:04 pm, here’s the cops.

Cop: “I’m just here to reach my quota, boi”

Justice: “How immoral.”
13*Takes separate taxis just to be spiteful*

Please don’t leave that cop car to get stuck there forever.  I’m not doing that again.
14I just whipped by to see how Tyrone’s latest birthday came together.  Found out there’s a new Florida Man baby on the porch.  Another Rodrigo though.  Boring.  No idea what his name is.  Toaster probably.  I actually just tried to open the game to find out again but it’s not coming back on tonight.  His name is just Toaster I guess.

Toaster: “No… sudden… moves…. just t-pose with me… until it leaves…”

Huh?15OH

Tyrone: *Flicks tongue around like a snake out his ear trying to sense where his little brother is*

Toaster: *Attempts to escape by glitch sliding across the floor like some sims babies can do but fails*16For a second I thought his teeth were just that yellow, that’s how bad off this kid was.  Apparently its just the highlights in his hair on the back of his head though.

Tyrone: “NO!  My teeth IS hair!  I filter my nutrients out of brine water just like a baleen whale!”

Ok, bye Tyrone.17Cruelty: “I’m so fucking tired, this bitch has not put on pants once since the day I got here, and even though I’ve been standing in this same spot since I got here, that still shouldn’t matter.”
18Kid: “Bitch that was not an invitation to come in and take yours off.”

Wrath: “Who is this little gnome and why is she trying to tell me what the fuck to do?”

Cruelty: “Omg hi mom”19I see something else has joined the monster party on the porch.

Tyrone: “Hell yeah, who influenced this get together?  Oh yeah it was meeee” *Licks eyeballs*

Toaster: “Please someone call child services for me”20Cynthia: “Ah yes.  A happy home once again.  Husband sound asleep, not a peep in the house… time to get up and cause some ruckus.”
21Cynthia: “Look, it doesn’t matter if you jogged 2 kilometers this morning.  If you aren’t bench pressing 230 lbs by next friday, I’m disowning you.”

Agony: “I know exercise is important, but go talk about it elsewhere since the Brown Locomotive is coming through a tunnel”

Serenity: “Right now I’d like to jog away from anywhere but here :)”22Agony: “SHIT, they didn’t dissipate quick enough, now I got to re-eat more food to refuel my organs!”

Yay.23Cynthia: “I don’t hear any deadlifts out here!!”

Serenity: “Gosh flabbit mom if I do one more 100 lb set again my back is going to break mom!”24Cynthia: “Fine.  We’ll start slower then.  I’ve rigged this treadmill to only go 35 mph.  Go full Usain Bolt or die, my child.  That’s my fitness goal to be honest.”

Serenity: “WHAT”25Cynthia: “Go faster!  I want to see those legs blur!  Look at me and see the body you can obtain through my training regimen, Serenity!!”

Serenity: “MOM PLEASE I DON’T CARE PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON”26Wrath: “I just realized, um, aren’t onions a bulb that’s grown in the ground and not on a bush?”27Wrath: “Fuck, I confused the stupid thing and it died in it’s confusion.  Now I have to stand in the yard and make that stinky oniony smell all on my own.”28Happiness: “Oh, wow Loyalty, has it been that long?  I thought you were a vampire and you weren’t supposed to age, like me.”

Charity: “Dad.  It’s me.  Charity.  Your other daughter that you clearly forgot about.  I have moved out of Anger’s house and live with Brave in the trees.  It’s not fun.”

Old people gathering in the yard means one thing.29Peace: *Attempts to eat the entire cake before anyone else sees it*30I invited the prom sweethearts to the party to meet them for myself.  Derrell showed up.  Kinda cute.  Can’t dress himself of course.  31Cynthia: “I got my aging hubby a birthday present that I totally didn’t nick off of those rusting robots on the other side of town when you weren’t looking.  I paid them cash and everything so don’t mention it to them ever again or tell them where I live.”

I NEVER knew Cynthia had The Beast!  I just happened to look over her inventory and here it is.  To think, Sinbad Rotter’s bike is still in existance, transversed legacies and survived two computers.  A true legend.
32Peace: “I guess old age isn’t going to be too bad… I get to grow old with my darling wife and get to look forward to grandchildren… though being older than my dad now is going to be weird…”

Serenity: *scratches armpit* “Yeah yeah, having a pop star vampire for a father wasn’t weird enough…”33Peace: “The aches and pains of old age are not feeling so good.  I changed my mind, I don’t want this.”

Serenity: “It must be done, father.”

Cynthia: “This is a very sad looking salad.”34Cynthia: “WHOA I think the salad heard me.”

Peace: “The fudge happened to my counters”35Peace’s first want as a senior is to take his dear wife on a date.  It was sweet enough, so they dumped the birthday party as quick as they could and went to the bar.

Peace: “Please wife, do not do what I think you’re going to do and join me in dance!  Or at least come over here and pop my back back into place.”36Peace: “Whoa nevermind, that workout outfit is HAWT.  The fact that her head is popping off isn’t so hot, but that outfit makes me very warm!”

Fun date.
37Wrath: “How in the flapping fuck did I end up out here??”

…Um, I guess the birthday party ended wonderfully.38Angela: “Well that’s the oddest thing… I put my pool stick right here on the end where I always keep it, where could it possibly be…”

I noticed something.  The ghosts don’t do things like they used to do, like haunt furniture.  Playing pool and sitting around in the sandbox is all these guys do, and honestly I can’t remember the last time a blender got haunted in any of my games.39Happiness: “Hellloooooo nurse!”

Kirsten: “I am not your nurse, but I play one on tv!”

Happiness you really got to stop eyeing every lady that comes within a twelve foot radius.
40Kirstin: “If you date me, I promise I won’t post skanky post-woohoo/sleeping photos of you on Instagram just for celebrity dating status bragging rights!!”

Happiness: “You had me at woohoo.”

She’s not going to do her job if you keep her distracted, Happiness.  Oh who am I kidding.  She probably won’t do her job anyway.
41Wrath: “Why did… no what does a prostitute and a blonde have… in common?  Gah, I got to write this joke down, work on it’s punchline for the family later.”

Todd: “Hello ma’am.  I have been hired by Mr. Peace Fallen to entertain your family for the evening.  Pretty much because the option has never really been tried and the narrator is testing it out. I know all kinds of tricks, and I’m a master of JOKES!”

Wrath: “Must write this down too…. murder Peace… jokes… my thing.”
42He’s actually just a magician but if he’s going to dress like a clown, I might as well make him go all the way.

Peace: “What in the fuzz is It doing in my backyard?  Is this why I keep finding old skeletons buried in the garden?”

He hung out in the backyard where no one bothers to go to, floated around a bit, and left.  Great use of money.
43Cynthia isn’t asking for a chaffing anywhere bad, nope, not at all.

Cynthia: “The nostalgic bliss from remembering my childhood makes the upcoming infection worth it.” 44Wrath: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS FOR?!  AS YOUR TRUE QUEEN I DEMAND YOU GET OUT OF MY UNDERWEAR”45Happiness: “Hey.  Wait a minute.  Where’s the hot maid from yesterday that was standing right here?”

Creig: “Oh don’t worry, I’m right here, and I got a long thick package for you… it’s your old newspaper from the yard.  I’m off to throw it away.  I’m going to work really hard for your family and have this place spotless in no time!”

Happiness: “I do not like this maid at all.”
46It’s that time again.  A multi sim birthday, this time we’re cranking out three of them: Wrath, Serenity, and Agony.  If I recall, Serenity’s birthday is a day or two early because its just easier to do them all in one go than have my game fight birthdays several days in a row.
47Ariel: “Good luck not struggling.  I can already tell you you aren’t going to have any sims reach that middle cake on this fat ass table.”

It didn’t hurt to try.  It’s a cute table.
48I tried rehiring the clown again, since you know, birthday party entertainment.  I figured he would go back to the backyard and do his thing there though, and that’s why the cake set up is in the backyard.  Todd is an ass though and decided the kitchen made more sense this go around…

Cynthia: “I’m calling the local Mickie Dee’s.  I believe their pet Ronald McDonald escaped into my kitchen.”
49Serenity: “Since I will probably not get heirship from this last chance at a personality trait, I shall wish for a good home, a happy family, and a safe environment away from spooky ghosts and skeletons!”

Wrath: “May we never see your lame unfun ass ever again then.”50Wrath: “Now, what should I wish for…”

Beth: “NO, NOT THE BEES,  oh wait you don’t have any bees with you at the moment. I may have overreacted.”51Serenity: “Oh, am I ever so peckish.  I might die before too long if I don’t get anything to eat.”

No way you could have prevented that.  No way at all.  Can’t be prevented with say, a cake, half a foot away from you that you keep cancelling on.  Nope. 52Glad you could actually join us at the party you were hired for, Todd.

Todd: “I came outside to watch this woman grow old and then instantly revert back into a young woman.  Now THAT’S some real magic right there!  Plus, there’s a troll in the kitchen.  I didn’t want to get eaten.”53Arwing: “WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE yeah”

I don’t believe you were invited but you’re presence is endearing to me, Arwing.54You, on the other hand, were invited and you’re late, Agony’s romantic interest from prom.

DeShawn: “Can’t help it… the zombie apocolypse… it caught me… but I still made it… for my darling…”55Agony: “You’re so sweet, DeShawn.  Drip that fake green face paint all over our living room hardwood and my mom will drown you in angry bees though.  Fair warning.”56DeShawn: “Anything for my buttercup, my light, my love, my Dark Souls 3”

Agony: “Well at least I have one person that cares for me on my birthday.  That does make me feel more special than my family makes me feel like.”57And with that, does Wrath’s heirship over the family end here….58Agony: “Eh.  I’m not feeling it, Mr. Krabs.”

I, um.  Agree.  Eh.59Here are all three girls post makeover.  Serenity offically stands as a great kisser, a coward, athletic, easily impressed and loves the heat.  Her LTW is canine companion.  However, since she is not good like her sister, Justice will be the shoe-in heiress I was expecting her to be.  Serenity is darling cute though.  Not looking forward to her moving out.

Wrath: “What did the gay guy say when the bee stung him on the butthole?  “Aaah, my BUZZY”!”

Thanks for the unnecessary addendum, Wrath.60Agony, on the other hand, is a vehicle enthusiast, childish, easily impressed, eco FRIENDLY, and FRIENDLY.  Could you possibly be more anti-evil, Agony?

Agony: “My LTW is Jack of All Trades, which I will utilize towards my true life’s dream: To craft a car that runs on pure sunlight and positive vibes!”

Wrath: “OH HELL NO”61

I really like Agony.  I do, I like her face… and uh.  I like her face.  But her traits are so borderline non-evil.  Almost tauntingly so.

Agony: “So.  Um.  When does this… heiress stuff kick in?  I don’t feel any different that before…”

So we’ll see…

(quietly posts in March, SO MUCH FOR NEW YEARS RESOLUTION FROM WHEN I STARTED WRITING THIS CHAPTER)

To Remember What I Forgot

A whole year.  Exactly one week short of a whole year to be precise.  Am I going for some sort of hiatus record or something?  Who knows.  The past year has been full of crazy shit like hospitals and broken hearts, but the number one reason for the hiatus is of course the computer.  Drivers and all that shit, if you recall.  Maybe future hiatuses won’t be so long.

I KNOW I SAY THAT EVERY HIATUS I SWEAR I’M SORRY

1We left off on Justice getting her birthday, I remember that much.  Honestly that’s all I remember?  And I remember that it was the reason I realized something was wrong with the drivers in the first place.2Cute as a BUTTON, but naturally, as I do, I wanted to make her look even cuter and match her themes a little better.  Game decided that wasn’t such a good idea.  Every time I attempted to change her look in CAS, the game would shit out on me.  No matter what.  Sometimes instantly, sometimes right before I finish up on a wicked cool style.3*Greyed out fog of Deadgameitis*

Justice: “Please, don’t leave me in here like this”
4One year and one massive computer fix later, the game still decided that most of what I tried on her was JUST TOO MUCH, so her style is so much more simple than I wanted.  But at this point I just want to get over this shitty obstacle.

Game graphics, of course, don’t do her justice.

Peace: “You mean I waited a whole year for a tank top and shorts.  I could have been in bed all this time instead, it would be more beneficiary to me.”5Cynthia: “Talk shit about our daughter’s style and I’ll smear your face into the cake.”

Justice: “I feel the need to sit in a cozy corner in my room and blog for 48 hours straight.”

Her trait is God knows what.  It changed so many times and then has been a year since I even looked.  We’re going to say her new trait is flip-floppiness, because its probably been everything and more since now.6After the party FINALLY ENDED, I had to go find the rest of the family.  No idea what they would be up to, and finding them usually didn’t clear the answers for me.

Agony: “No idea where I’m at.  No idea what I’m doing.  Just know my hair is melting off my face from standing outside in the exposed radiation of this town for 358 days.”

Everyone looks a little funkier now I believe.  Or maybe they always did?  It’s been a year, I really remember nothing.7Serenity is really the only one that hasn’t seemed to suffer too much from toilet graphics.  She’s still adorable as all get out.

Serenity: “I try my best to separate myself from the rest.”8Justine across town has apparently improved on the other hand.

Justine: “Urghnksgngieneamdfkof fleas”

Maybe its her curse that is plaguing this land now that I think about it…9Happiness: *Smashes hand into the mic for four straight hours* “Probably should really retake some vocal lessons.  I cannot remember how to voice.”

At least his audience never changes so he never humiliates himself.  10After the birthday, Peace felt the need to teach Justice how to drive.  Just normal skill boosting.  But at least its in the new MM that Peace had in his inventory that I never knew he had!  Or I did and forgot about it.11Justice: “Finally!  I have perfected driving!” *Instantly crashes into fence*

So much for normality.
12*MM proceeds to abandon them in place as they crunch up together in a mini black hole*

Justice: “No daddy, I cannot drive stick.”

Peace: “Never ever ever ever ever make that joke again while you’re sitting in my lap, hun.”13Cynthia probably always had this outfit.  I don’t remember.  Either way, WHY CYNTHIA.

Cynthia: “Must reach, must work for that dild-I MEAN, that… fat skill bar… yeah… ayyy…”

Wrath: “The fuck is going on why is everyone else making bad sex jokes?!  That’s supposed to be MY shtick!  Heh heh… get it, “shtick”?  “Stick”?  …Wow that one was actually shit, even for me.”

Baal: “I thought it was ok enough.”14Pretty much off the bat no one has top tier need bars.  But at least Serenity isn’t passing out on the ground anymore?  At least she’s learning.

Serenity: “I have learned to just not pass out when you are looking, I MEAN zzz”
15Justice: “Love my sister.  But I really hope she gets enough energy to do her homework soon.  She’s failing so far behind now, it’s hopeless…”

Serenity: “Can’t care, bed hair, zzz”16*Even further down the walkway*

Agony: “Fuck what da teacher said”

Her grades are actually the best so far, she’s about to hit A+ at her rate.  Fingers crossed, I need that for once.17Ah.  In case I couldn’t forget that this little monster exists.18Hysteria: “You know you can’t forget me.  In the back of your mind, you know I’m the rightful heiress…  I’m the evil one, I’m the one the rules call for… I’m the one that should be holding the house spot, not that car humper, Agony…  Even after a year, you can’t forget that it should be me the spot goes to…”

Fuck it off, Hysteria and your smug ass grin and shit.  I’ve made up my mind I think.  No clones, no heirship!  I can break the rule at least once in the legacy, and I’m not sticking around with you!  Go back to the boarding school I banished you to!

Hysteria: “Fine… but know in the back of your little mind, you know rule breaking is against your morals… and I will be back… and you will doubt yourself again…”19Peace took his father out for a night on the town, mostly for MM boost needs for Happiness, but also because they need some father-son time.

Peace: “With all this rain out here, you don’t think you’re going to melt are you?”

Happiness: “Oh my goat, Peace, for the last time, I’m not a witch!”20Happiness: “I… do have something to admit though, son.  I have this burden I’ve hid from everyone for years.  I’m actually… *phone starts ringing very undramatically* … a vampire.”21Peace: “Dimmit, dad!  Are you SERIOUS?!  For the past 35 years of my LIFE, I just have been telling people you were an oversized pixie!”22Happiness: “Ok then?  I’m not a vampire?  Does that make it better?”

Peace: “Yes, that makes clearly more sense.”

Happiness: “What”

And then I suddenly remembered I couldn’t control Happiness anymore so I stopped making him tell his son all this stuff.
23Angela: “Dark Souls 3 is a pretty good game if you don’t put the disc in and play Mario Party 4 instead.”

Eunice: “Casuals like you do not have a place in the world, Angela!  Get out of my unlife!”24Eunice: “Seriously!  No sim since you has annoyed me so much as you have in all my years!”

*Cynthia walks by*

Eunice: “Nevermind, you’re SECOND most annoying now!”25Wrath: “Later everyone, I’m off to Narnia to do some lion poaching.”

I will never cease using Narnia jokes, even though the only movie I saw was Epic Movie and only book I ever read was the one where everyone dies in a car crash or a train or some shit.  Spoilers?  I don’t know.  I could be thinking of another series for all I know.26Peace: “I decided to take all of you to school in the MM today because of mood boosts.  Also I really don’t want to start yelling at my children for decomposing grade rates.  I cry when I have to do any form of discipline.”

Serenity: “But silly daddy, don’t you remember?  It’s a seasonal holiday!  We don’t have school today!”

Peace: “By George, you’re right!  I guess I’ll take all of you to the party Cynthia was invited to this morning, but can’t make it because she was too busy routefailing over toenail clippings.”27Agony: “Hey, you’re forgetting something… you’re forGETTING SOMEONE!!  YOU’RE FORGETTING ME!! PEACE!!!”

28Justice: “Never been to a party before.  Do you think they hurt?”

Serenity: “Don’t know.  All I know is I love dogs.  I will now love dogs forever.  By the way, has anyone seen my glasses?”29Justice: “Ah well, time to change into my ~~SUNDAY BEST~~”

Serenity: “Wow.  I don’t need glasses to see why we needed to change everything else besides your every day.”

Curse the crash rate.30Peace: “Glad to meet you Mr. Van, and must I say your house is lovely.  Your party is crap though.”

Van: *Smiles politely and plots a way to piss in this man’s shoes for the insult*31Peace: “Long time no see, sister!  In game life AND real life!  Its great to see you aren’t dead yet.”

Brave: “Thank you child of the earth. No idea who you are, but its nice to have someone grateful I haven’t croaked over yet.”32And that was the party.  Spring/Love day parties, whatever they are, suck.

Serenity: “But I just figured out how to get up on the porch without blindly tripping over the steps and busting my shins.”33Agony: “Fuck them and their MM.  I don’t need those losers to take me to a party that’s already over!  Look, my whip is here!  With my power to befriend vehicles, I can summon any vehicle to my whim!”34Agony: “Ay well fuck you too then.”35Justice: “As much fun as that party was, daddy, that party was not fun at all.”

Peace: “Then join me in the hot tub.  We got to get some use out of this thing, I didn’t drop about 10 grand on this thing for aesthetics, you know.”

Serenity: “Okie then.  But just so you guys know, I still love dogs.  That hasn’t changed.”

Justice: “Is that going to be your new useless quirk or something?”36Justice: “Daddy, please don’t be mad at me, but this is the only bathing suit they had left at the randomly generated CAS discount store.”

Peace: “I will never be mad at you, sweetie, just the universe we live in.”37Here’s a good picture of both girls just showing off how cute they are.  I adore both of them equally.  If Serenity ends up with the good trait, I’ll never be able to decide who would be heiress.38Agony: “I don’t understand!  Why am I being so isolated by those assholes?  All I wanted was to be included in their shitty little old person party and I got abandoned on the sidewalk.  I don’t do well with being excluded…”

Baal: “Because you’re trash I MEAN THEY ARE TRASH FUCK YEAH fuck them, do your own thing, you don’t need their approvals.”

Agony: “You’re right!  If I want to do things, I don’t need their permission!  I’ll do what the hell I want!”

Cynthia: “Please I just want sleep”39Peace: “Look girls!  The Sims 1 toes.”40Serenity: “EW DADDY NO KEEP THOSE AWAY FROM ME”

Justice: “Dad I’ve told you three times already you need to go to the doctor and get those checked out.”41Peace: “Er, hey Agony.  Would you like to joi-”

Agony: “Scoot over peons, I’m getting in the hot tub whether you want me to or not, and I will not take no for an answer!”

Peace: “We weren’t going to keep you out, but sure, come on in…”42Peace: “Agony, dear, this isn’t a snorkel tank, you can’t really swim around in this thing.”

Serenity: “What is she even doing.”43And then Agony’s leg got sucked into a drain at the bottom of the pool and she proceeded to drown.

Peace: “Why are my feet purple all of a sudden”
44Agony: “HELP YOU PSYCHOS I CANNOT ACTUALLY SWIM”

Peace: “I wish I had this thing insured.”
45Agony: *Crab-Dabs her way out of the hot tub*

Justice: “If I get out of this pool, it’s not going to break my arms too, is it?”46Agony: “I can’t believe you fuck bricks almost let me die in this thing!  Take your shitty hot tub I don’t want anything to do with the damn thing!  I’m leaving!”

Justice: “Finally.”47However, Agony snapping her leg off in the open drain pipe caused the hot tub to break.

Peace: “You got to be kidding me.”

Agony: “Finally, I did something right!  Evil ancestors please witness me.”
48And then Peace tried to fix it but it went bad so he wanted to sell it instead.  So much for the tub.49End of chapter townie updates:  This just in, Florida man caught holding his own hand and crying while walking down the street.50While going through the family tree to get grips of what’s going on, apparently at some point Anger died.  I did not know that (or, for the millionth time, I do not remember if I knew or not) RIP Anger, if I haven’t said RIP before.  You leave behind a grape for a granddaughter.51And lastly, and definetely least, Hysteria doesn’t like military school 🙂

Hysteria: “THIS IS NOT THE HEIRSHIP I DEMAND”

Chill Out

1Agony: “Huh, the Marlena woman died while I was gone.  Does this mean that uh, she just stands in the living room for all eternity now or what?  I knew I shouldn’t have left the Love and Shit School.”

Angela: “Goodness no.  Now that I can finally properly introduce my daughter-in-law to this side of the void, I’m gonna teach her how to properly live!”
2Marlena: “Oh wow!  I had no idea you could do this kind of stuff with objects!”

Who could guess just how active Marlena’s corpse is compared to when she was alive.3Peace: “Wait a minute, this isn’t my Granny Angela!  No way in 1000 years would my mother ever have the brains to come the second floor of the house much less play pool.”

Marlena: “Wow this actual living thing is awesome.  I wasted 80+ years of my life I now see.”
4Considering how well my game was running at the time, I felt brave enough to finally let Betel back out of her coffin.

Betel:  “And here I was enjoying the empty silent void in which I did nothing.”

Not like she’ll end up doing nothing anyway.5Peace: “Oh ships, I forgot we already had a maid in the house.  I hope they can get along alright…”

Raul: “OH MY GOD NO, MY WORK INSURANCE DOESN’T COVER INCIDENTS LIKE THIS”

Betel: “You get insurance?  Lucky dick.  All they pay me is in the form of subpar internet connection.”6.5Peace: “But… we weren’t planning to kill you… maybe Wrath but not us…”

Raul: *Jogs quickly away while chanting STAYING ALIVE at the top of his voice*
7And then just like that, the snows began to melt, and winter was over.  I usually never get to see the snow melt, since it poofs away in chunks unceremoniously, but the distant mountains are almost gorgeous, even with my ass graphics and Peace’s hoarding station in its foreground.8And with Spring, comes life.  In the form of stray animals that wonder into the yard.

Wrath: “Yaaay, a new horseshoe target to throw shit at!”

Stray: “Please do not, I just came to beg for a food…”
9Aw, she cute.  And she’s pretty old, I would hate for her to not find a forever home to finally rest in…

Stray: “Oh no.  Please do not adopt me into this hell…”

I think I will adopt her into this hell.
10Although.  ONCE AGAIN.  Instead of looking at what I was doing, instead of adopting the stray into the family, I “adopted” Betel for the second time.

Betel: “Damn.  And I was thinking about doing something like cleaning up this dump.  This has thrown my whole morning off.”

I looked into her commands to see if I could keep making her clean up while she was at it, but I think she only had like three commands or some shit like that – Go there, Talk, and a “Chill Out” command?  So I tested that one out to see what she’d do.
11Apparently Chill Out sends her to the bar.  I shouldn’t have been surprised.

Betel: “Oh rum and coke, how I missed thee.”12Brave: “I was letting my head flowers get some rain, and I fell asleep in the yard.  Totes forgot what I was even doing here.”

Your old age is unimpressive, Brave, but other than that.  In case you can’t tell from the generic side of the street, we are at the wedding reception place.  Which means one thing…13Nascar: “It means that that Bonehilda is a hot piece of ass, is what”

Nascar, where the fuck is your wife, you have a wife.14Peace: “It means that my wedding is about to start!  Which is fantastic, even though it had to start raining as soon as I call for the guests, but either way, I’m excited to renew my vows.”

Nascar: “And you do it without bringing along the sexy sugar mama?!  WAT’N DA HELL’S WRONG WID YOU BOY”15Julian: “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind if I got boned from that if you know what I’m sayinhuehuehuehuehuehue”

Charity: “You have never been right in the head.”

Nascar: “Touch my One True Love™ and I will run over your bald ass with a tank, do you hear me from over here, Julian?!”16His rage overpowering his motherboard mixed with the rain shorted him out, and he finally stopped ranting about Bonehilda for all of two hours.

Nascar: “No, these are actually tears I’m cry because you won’t let me sleep with the bone maid.”

I guess it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing he’s wanted to sleep with.
17Ole’ Rodrigo graced ourself with his party crashing presence.  At first I thought it was Florida Man, which is a shame. He’s so cloney.
18Cynthia: “Our wedding vows are supposed to be an unbreakable chain of love and steel.  Break them one more time though, Peace, and I will break your jaw.”

Peace: “To be honest, I do not fear you, for I love you and will never fail your trust and loyalty again, and also I’m not really worried about you hurting me because your old people bones are as fragile as a wet milk carton.”19Cynthia: “I will take that promise to have and to hold, if you explain to me what Betel is here repairing Nascar in the front of the lot.  I thought we agreed we weren’t hooking them up.”

Peace: “I’m not, but I hate to see Nascar sad, so I’m just having her do this one thing before we reset her out of our family’s roster.”
20Betel: “Trust me though, this screwdriver is the only thing that’s gonna be screwing you today, you tin can.  So when I get you fixed, don’t even think about it.”

Nascar: “A bot can still dream…”21The wedding still went on without a hitch.  There should be no more mid life crisises, so hopefully this duo continues to go down the line ’til death do they part.

Nascar: “If they last as long as I have with my dear wife, then you know it’s a match made in heaven.”

Nascar, at the rate you are going, it will be a miracle if Veronica even lets you in the house anymore.22And of course, end-wedding shot ruined because the groom’s sister fake-dies into a zombie.

Cynthia: “Now there’s someone who’s jaw I know I can break.”

Peace: “While I do not usually condone violence against family, I’m pretty sure we can all say that we approve of it if you go through with it, Cynthia.”
23Back at the house, the stray is finally successfully added to the family.  Following the theme, and adding her as a pet for Peace’s family, her name is Ariel, and hopefully she will leave a good impression on her family.

Ariel: “Nah I’ll just hide under the couch until old age finally claims me any second now.”

Betel: “Great, I guess I’m going out in the trash now, aren’t I.”

Yep. *resets and deletes*24Another addition to the family, a gnome I found in Wrath’s inventory.  Bald Elvis now has a new friend.

BE: “Thank you.  Thank you very much.”25Baal: “And this is the living room, where you will have your own little personal litter box that cats use for their toiletries.”

Ariel: “Isn’t that a little… small for me to squat down into.”

Baal: “Nah, just flip the lid, lean it over and go to town.”

Marlena: *Sobs*26Marlena’s gonna trip someone and break their neck one of these days, so she was finally moved out into the backyard.  I think Wrath planted a watermelon on it.

If it’s anything like its fertilizer, it actually might not do anything at all.27Ah, I’m taking a lot of scenic photos today.  Granted my video card seems to be tanking, this town does still  look decent.  Despite the evil trying to claim the banks of the river, this town gets a lot of nice little rainbows.28Happiness: “Remember me?  I still do these shows when I get attention placed upon myself ! Please.  Make my daughter stop show-stealing so I can make some money.  Please.”

Why are all your daughters so bad this week, Happiness.29In usual fashion, I let Peace take his family out for an outing (as usual as well, one of them didn’t bother to come along because they’re fuddy duddies.  This time being Justice)

Peace: “I just want my little girl to get out and experience life outside of school every now and then you know.”

Serenity: “You know I can’t see anything without my glasses.”
30Happiness: “GASP!  My… my dear son came to see me perform for once!  This makes me the happiest father in the world!”  *proceeds to cry hormonally into the microphone for 6 minutes*31Peace: “So this is how dad’s usually go?  Truth be told, I’m not that impressed.  5/10, very low replay value.”

Honey, this is the largest audience he’s had in a long ass time.32Happiness : “ALL THE SINGLE LADIES~”

Jodi: “I’m a single lady :D”

Don’t you have a mutated orange you need to be watching after, Jodi.33The audience would be a bit broader if Peace’s family actually came in off the street and actually participated in the show.

Cynthia: “Hey I’m spending quality alone time with my daughter.  Teaching her how to be a woman and all that.”

Yes.  Standing in the open in the middle of the night is quality time.

Serenity: “I can’t see anything right now.  Anyone got a contact lens?”34Thank you game.  Thank you for looking out for me and returning my trash back to me.

I like to think the Fallen’s garbage man looked in their garbage can and upon seeing a skeleton in a maid outfit in the bottom of the bin, calmly returned it to the front porch.

Ah.  Well.  *Perma-death’s Betel and starts over*35Peace: “Well.  I thought I had to pee.  I guess not anymore.  Or ever.”

Wrath: “But how’s a baby like a slice of bread?!  PEACE ANSWER MY RIDDLE”36And then he wanted this.  Was it really that traumatizing?

Peace: “I WANT THIS TUB PURGED AND SMELTED DOWN”

I guess it was…37Wrath: “Wow, you can’t fucking wait until I get out of the bathroom before trying to blow the roof off, you dumb shit?”

Peace: “There’s no time when there’s memories to repress, Wrath!”38At least he’s smart and used the shed as a makeshift bomb shelter.

Peace: “Well when there’s a chance the whole house might go up in flames, I can’t take no chances.”

Happiness: “And here I thought I raised my son to be smarter than this.”39Peace: “So much for the vows I took with my beloved wife.  Sigh.  There goes the entire side of the house.  I’m pretty sure I’m the only survivor now.  Time to move to a new town, change my name, marry a ghoul and travel the wasteland countryside together…”

Surprisingly, the tub was the only thing that blew up, so the project was a success.  Tub’s dead though.40Happiness: *Gently fists a coffee cup, as it’s the only action he’s gotten in years*

I think everyone’s getting addicted to coffee.  Horrible alternative to sleep.  Might delete.
41Justice: “As soon as I grow up into a well respected teenager and member of civil society, I too, will enjoy the smooth rich flavor of fresh ground coffee.”

That is, if she survives her caking.  Spoiler alert in advance, it goes bad42Cynthia: “The beautiful greenness of this newly modded birthday cake can’t take away the pain of the sudden lag spike we are experiencing right now.  I can only imagine this is an omen of ill times before us.”

Peace: “It’s alright wife, I’m not going to blow up any more furniture!  The tub was just one instance!!”  *takes cover away from the cake behind the counter, you know, just in case*43Happiness: “HAH, my granddaughter is getting old.  Soon I will be the youngest in the house again, because as we all know, I’ll never get to the point of having a midlife crisis, not ever!  Not in-”

Peace: “Five million years, we get it dad, stop.  I’m trying to watch my little girl’s birthday from the safely of the kitchen counter can you stop with it already?”44And then, CLIFFHANGER!

But not because I want there to be.  Justice started giving me the same shit Serenity gave me when she aged up, but this time I can’t get past the birthday itself.  So she’s stuck in child form for now…

And it doesn’t help that my drivers are officially all screwed up and boned to death.

See, long story short, I tried to update my display driver not that long ago.  But afterwards, it messed up my computer so badly, that I uninstalled it, and rolled back to an old one.  Little did I know, I probably shouldn’t have uninstalled it.  I reinstalled, before I remembered why I deleted it in the first place.  So I uninstalled it again, because not only did it not fix anything, but it made it worse.  AGAIN.  Also computer updates aren’t working anymore.  Nor can I open anything in photo viewer.  NOR CAN I PLAY ANY GAMES.  Literally the only things working are my internet browser, flash player, and trusty dependable photoshop.  PHOTOSHOP IS OFFICALLY GONE NOW AS WELL, EVERYTHING IS TANKING, SEND JESUS

So if anyone knows what I should do at this point, because I’m at a loss, please send some info my way.  For the record, I’m still rolling a windows 7, because as I said before, updates are not happening.

*cough*

LOOK, A BABY NAMED FERBY WAS BORN.  It’s always nice to see my old sims reincarnated.  Dang did I ever miss Ferby.

Genetic Explosions

1Of course she is.2Does this look like the military school I sent you too, you little shit?! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY YARD AND OUT OF MY LIFE, JEEZ3Wrath: *Mourns over all the sexist jokes that could have been*

To recap, last time we had little Hysteria grow up into a colossal disappointment, as I am growing accustomed to, coming from the evil side of the family and all.  But she was so much of a genetic fuck up that Jada up and died of shock, ending any future children Wrath was going to have, because the game’s just too fucking slow for her to start over.

Then after some series of shitty events, the game shut down, I shut down, and I only bothered to try again when my internet died last week.
4Peace: “Dad I’m so proud of you.  Napping on the sofa instead of passing out on the floor like a common pleb.  For that I reward you with a little beta wave pick-me-up.”

In the future I might invest in a Motive Mobile, but I know no one in the house would even use it.  They won’t even use the cars in their inventory, they keep calling taxis.  But it would be nice for future mass motive failures.5Peace: “I got invited to a party of some sorts.  I invited my cousin along for the ride.”

Wrath: “Keep telling yourself that, fucko.  I invited myself because I need someone to try my new dildo joke on.”
6Oh.  I see it’s this house.

Jaime: “I am now aware that I should have read the invite a little closer.”7Jaime: “Welp.  No way in hell I’m doing this.  Bye.”

Way to leave us to suffer all on our own the second you get here, Jaime.8Peace: “AAAAAAAHHHHHG!  Oh sorry I didn’t mean to scream like a little girl.  I just didn’t think Jaime was telling the truth about the weirdness that was in here.”

Don’t think he has place to judge, seeing as the man gave birth to a green space baby.9Upstairs I see Betsy and Nascar are trapped also invited guests of the Florida Men party.

Nascar: “I wish I took the same door Jaime did when he ran out of the house.  I thought the stairs going to the second floor was a back exit, and Lord have I never been so wrong in my entire life.”10Peace: “If I just close my eyes, and pretend I’m at a family reunion, I can almost block out the sound of constant teeth grinding they are making.”

Wrath: “What’s the difference between a dild-oooh, you know what, I don’t think I want to tell my jokes to these people…”12Arwing: “I found a friend upstairs everyone!  I have absorbed her into my body now, and we are going to be forever one from here on out…”

Betsy: “Please Nascar… Kill me…”

Nascar: “Who’d’ve thunk upstairs would be even worse than down here.  I take what I said earlier back.  This whole house needs to be burned and salted.”13Nascar: “But I’m finally freeee!  I’m getting out of here as fastly as possible!!” *turns on feet jets and ends up going backwards*

It’s good to see that the Beast is still in the game.  I don’t even recall Nascar having it.

Arwing: “No, come back, and join us!”14Arwing: “I SAID COME BACK SEXY METAL HUSBAND”

*tongue flapping in the wind*

Now isn’t that a sight.15I’ll talk shit all I want about Arwing, but the fact that she can keep her pants up over her asscrack (albeit barely) while bent over that far is admirable to say the least.  I wish I knew her secrets.16Thankfully I was taken away from the party when Cruelty returned from whatever boarding school I shipped her off to, and dumped off on the street corner the game keeps dumping them off at.  Welcome back, Cruelty.  You will not be returning home from here.

Cruelty: “Then… where the hell am I going to live.”

I have chosen a perfect home for a dirty little clone such as yourself.17Arwing: “The door brings sacrifices.”

Cruelty: “There is NOTHING I did in life that merits this kind of punishment!!”

Aww, look, Arwing bred.  I look forward to this child exploding on me.18Oh no, that’s not who she was initially set up with…

Florida Man: “Can I help I found my grandson’s baby mama so damn irresistible?  The bear noises she made in the bedroom got me rock hard.”

No.
19Wrath: “Days like this make me miss Jada so much.  She would make merciless fun of that child for being such a failure.”

Glad to see the house hasn’t changed.
21Happiness: “I can’t believe that I made this chair all on my own.  Amazing.  Who knew we all had some free will inside of us all along.”

The house does seem to have a bit more motivation that it used to do.  Especially after Marlena died.  They’re still a little lame, but for some bit, they are more active.

22Don’t you even fucking think about it.23*Enters a cryogenic state*

I’m so glad you’re not heiress, Serenity.24Also it’s nice to see I’m not the only one suffering with like genetics in this town.  All these Fancy Secksie three gen clones make me feel a little better about myself.

Justine: “How am I supposed to differentiate any of these people in this vanilla white ass crowd”

Clone 1: “Sigh, fine, I’ll invest in some glasses and a mustache.”25Vanessa: “I’m the only teacher in the school at the moment because the children would suck the life out of the rest of the fleshies.”

Justine: “Glasses and a mustache?!  What makes you think that’s gonna make a difference?  You still gonna be the same basic first born carbon copy of the last remnants of a forgotten family dynasty, glasses isn’t going to help that.”

Copy: “…Oh.”

Serenity: *Hits snooze*26Brave: “Oh snap crackle and pop!  Who died in the hallway now?!”

Peace: “I’m pretty sure that that is Jada’s corpse in that box, but granted it’s probably mother, since I don’t recall her ever being moved since Justice’s birthday party.”27Serenity: “Which is all well and done, because it is now my birthday!”

Try not to fall asleep on the cake.28Happiness: “Please don’t be sad over the death of the Jada lady, my precious grandchild.  She was a regret that I’m sure Wrath realizes at this point.  And besides, look at me going out of my way to actually socialize with you,  much less console you.  That’s got to mean something to you right?”

Justice: “Why are you touching me with your creepy broken wrists”29Wrath: *Evil maniac giggling*

Oh no, I already know where this is going.30Peace: “WHHHHHHYYYYYY?!!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE!”

Foreground Alien Snowman: *Pats the crotch*

Peace: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
31Peace: “No please, not the memories, oh sob, I still miss my sweet child so much”

Alien: “Oh man really, is he actually crying?  Wow ok fine, I won’t pat the crotch.” *Pats the ass*
32Justice: “So, uh, why are you still a child if we had a birthday for you like last night or something?”

Serenity: “Oh that’s easy.  I keep crashing the game while blowing out the candles, so I will be eternally young forever I suppose.”

Justice: “Oh ok.  Cool I guess.”

Yayyyyy, one of those game sessions THAT’S WHAT I NEEDED33Happiness: “I set up a new stage for my new show to entice new watchers.  The theme is Any Where But Here.  Because that’s where I’d rather be right now.”34Pregnant Townie: “I don’t mean to whore the attention away from this ghoul and his show, but I REQUIRE ATTENTION PLS”

Happiness: “Will I NEVER get anybody to watch my shows?!”35*Manages to hold on to a couple of viewers by screaming and crying his eyes out into the microphone*

Lady Onlooker: “Eh, well you’ve seen one pregnant lady in public you’ve seen them all.”

Proprietor: “Yeah lady, you’re scaring off our money with your damn baby, go squat him out elsewhere.”

Prego: “HMPH, fine, I’ll find another lot that will give me the attention I so desperately need!  Bye losers!”36Oh shit I almost forgot this little monster was even still in the house.  Thank you.  Get the hell out of here.

Cynthia: “Ugh finally, now I can finally relax and sleep in peace.  I’m so stressed out and wound up from her being in this house that I’m pretty sure I’m suffering a pulled tendon.”

Pretty sure you’ve pulled more than a tendon.37And it was here, post Serenity’s birthday, that my game completely shut this town down, and I vanished for 8 months to do anything else.  Each time her little teenage ass even so much as came in contact with air, the game died.  I even tried to pack the family up and force them to move into a new town for a whole new start, but the game was like NO

So now we’re back from outer space and back in business I think maybe.  I have finally been allowed back in this town on parole, and even though the computer deleted HALF OF THE FUN LITTLE PHOTOS I TOOK BETWEEN NOW AND THE END OF THIS CHAPTER, it’s good to be back.38We start off with a non-game generated makeover for our little failure here.

Serenity: “I’m cute, so all is forgiven. I even stopped passing out so much!  I mean, you know.  After being in that bed for 8 months, I probably should.”

True.39Justice is still heiress though, well behaved and off on her own, trying to help her father locate the aliens that stole her sister.

Justice: “This monitoring device should pick up the alpha brain waves of any nearby extraterrestrial, so we should soon have a lead on who kidnapped Isabella or Iguanodon or whoever her name was.  I will aid my father on his quest to make our family whole again, but first, I got to get this device to stop picking up on all the horses in the area.”

Good kid.40On a side note, I never realized that Baal had babies with another dog!  And down the line, he became a great-grandpa!

Baal: “YOU CAN’T PROVE THEY’RE MINE”

He must be so proud!41Happiness: “And there you go, little werewolf man!  Your song-a-gram for the day, now if you don’t mind, I rather look at the Freddie Fallen nerd next to you, because apparently he’s my grandchild, and he looks like a dweeb.”42Freddie, Child of Charity no less, is actually a cutie patootie.

Happiness: “Yes, well, my genes are quite powerful, I am aware.”

Charity was mostly Marlena, but whatever floats his boat.
43Happiness: “This grandchild I don’t really want to claim, don’t make me do it.”

Loyalty I had more faith in than Charity, but apparently she’s not faired well on her breeding path, but maybe I’m just being harsh, compared to Freddie.43Speaking of genes, this kid might be a future parent to a generation, so let’s see what kind of child Jodi’s bringing into the household for a visit!44Ice Jaime: “Alright you guys, we have some ground rules in this house you must abide if you are to come into this house.  First rule, wipe your feet at the door.  Second of all, wipe your feet before entering the kitchen.  Third, wipe feet before jumping on trampoline, fourth, wipe ass after sitting on toilet, fifth-”

Jodi: “Why is an inanimate block of ice talking to me”

Oh no, is that yellow on orange I see there…45Rodrigo: “Mommy says I’m her little ray of sunshine.”

Jodi: “More like my little ray of radiation, but he hears what he wants to hear.”45It’s been a while since I plopped the Florida Man in town, but I do not recall him going on the prowl and hitting it up with an older woman and spreading the sauce amongst the general population.  GRANTED that’s what he was put here for, but I didn’t think he was actually successful.46.1He IS currently dating the Arwing Monster though, as recently stated.  I don’t even know if their pregnancy is still a thing, since there were so many crashes in the past, I don’t think it even survived to our current state.  But her current child isn’t his.46.2Tyrone, apparently belongs to Jarrett, like I originally planned for.

Jarrett: *looks miserable for good reason*46.3And then we have Florida Man, his father and brother, apparently has absorbed their mother, the bucket head Florida Man, and is now the father, brother, and mother.  I don’t know what’s going on anymore.

Florida Man: “We are one, we are many”

Jarrett: “I want death.”46Rodrigo: “I thought they had a wack house, but wow.  There’s not even a full set of walls, and it has nothing but a lot of crappy 8-bit art.  I want to go home.”

Jodi: “I wish I could go home without you, but it’s snowing so badly, I’d rather not have the social workers coming to my house asking why I dumped you off in an unwalled house in the middle of the night…”

And there they stood until they got too cold and Jodi was forced to actually take her son home.47And then Tyrone exploded, and I had to go look at this mess.

Tyrone: *Tries to fly away from his icon box with his large Dumbo ears*48AGGHHHH, I mean he beautiful49Sandi: “Why the hell am I here and where the fuck are my pants”

Tyrone: *Takes the cross eyed toddler look to a whole new level*50Happiness: “Please no, don’t put me down next to this thing, I’m getting very uncomfortable”

Tyrone: *Loud vacuum noises*51Wrath: “I suppose I’ll just chunk all these rocks in here at once.  They’re all glitchy and bugging out anyhow.”52Cynthia: “That’s nice.  Do this at 4 in the morning.  We want to put up with it.”

Wrath: “Why is a woman like a busted phone jack?”

Serenity: “You know you keep this up I’m going to start passing out on the floor again.  Fair warning.”53Wrath: “What did the gay sailors say when pulling up to dock at a gay bar?  All hands on dick.”

Why would you even want to bother trying.  54Wrath: “Well first off, Jada is up and about, and I am filled with such love and adoration for my baby maker, that I wanted to rekindle the relationship and start over anew by BREAKING UP WITH YOU, BITCH.  You REALLY just died right here on the floor after finding out our children were all failures, you really left me with a pack of shit on my plate here”

Jada: “What the fuck did you want from me I was like 100 years old”

Wrath was ACTUALLY attempting to break up with Jada to become “reengaged” with her, because you know how it is.  Spouse dies, they can’t get married because some bug or some shit, they have to break up and give them the ring back, yadda yadda yadda, I’ve done this horse and buggy before.55But Jada had none of it, the second Wrath broke up with her, she poofed.  And not the stinky green cloud of ghosty vanishness, she just popped out of existence so hard that I bet you anything she won’t be back.  Hell, I bet you she’s not even in the game any more.  Gooooooo figure.

Cynthia: “Dang.  That was worth getting woken up at 4 in the morning.”

Wrath: “Hold up, hold up.  I’mma write a new epitaph on her grave…”56Wrath: “That’s better.”57But Agony tried to come back to the house, she popped up at the side of the road across town and asked for $800 to go back to school, which I clicked yes to, I wasn’t even willing to put up with her shit.

But before she poofed back into Love and Hippie Academy, I looked at her.  And I realized something.58Wrath: “Hey, you aren’t as cloney as I remember.”

Agony: “I don’t think I ever was?  I was told I was a clone of grandmother but not of you.”

Wrath: “But like, I don’t even think you’re a clone of your grandmother, you seem to have a good bit of Jada splattered all over you.”59Wrath: “If all goes well, I think you will be my heir to the throne.”

Agony: “Dammit, I knew I should have picked up the Good trait while in that stupid school.”60So I guess this is where the chapter ends.  With me realizing that Agony was probably the genetic mix I craved all along, even though I swore up and down she was just a pre-war throwback to Jealousy.  Here I have pasted a picture of her for comparison reference.

Wrath: “Don’t look her in the eyes, Agony.  She can sense your fear and failure.”

Jealousy: “No you little bitches you look me in the face, and you explain to me why my legacy is the shitpile you let it degrade to be!  EXPLAIN!!”61Uh actually lastly, here have this notification of Baal becoming a great-great grandfather!  Congradulations Baal!

Baal: “I WANT A DNA TEST”