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Bees and Bad Puns

Boop bop bee do, time to wrap up gen two!  We start our next chapter under new torch holders, and maybe this gen I’ll actually get the ISBI score up out of the negatives?  It’s been in the negative triple digits for a while now, and I’m getting a little sad about it.

1We’ll start our chapter with Mrs. Coon Lady.

Coon Lady: “Excuse you, I’m a panda.”

You have the worst Halloween outfit I’ve ever seen.  This is why you weren’t invited to the party.

2Marlena is the reason we can’t have nice things.  Like a positive score for once.

Jealousy: “Die bitch”

3Edgardo: “Why is she still here?  Why am I the dead one but she’s allowed to still be around to stand in the kitchen for hours on end?!”

Betel: “I agree.  At least I do stuff, even though it’s not stuff I was brought here to do.”

4Betel: “Are you sure you just want to eat sweets all the time, kid?  Wouldn’t you rather have some cold Campbell’s canned chicken noodle I’ve willingly dug out of the fridge for you?  It’s probably hardly better for you, but it’s still better than constant sugar.”

Peace: “I’m not taking nutrition tips from an alcoholic skeleton.”

Betel: “Look here, you little shit.  I got better!”

5Marlena: “It’s alright!  I’m up and safe!  I’m a little wet from the floor though!  The floor is wet guys, so don’t sleep on it, it was a bad idea!  Someone should fix that sink.  It can’t be me though, I’m too wet and tired to do so.  Such a shame though, I know how to of course.”

Peace: “Can’t we just bar her from the sink?  Or maybe the kitchen altogether?”

6Really Peace doesn’t have much room to talk, because I realized why he was stuck under that painting in the hallway from a while back.  The little dweeb tries to get into his bed from the left side, which is next to the wall, but for some reason it doesn’t stop him from trying.  So I guess he patiently waits for the wall to move or something before he goes to bed.

Peace: “I’m so, so exhausted.  But sooner or later, this has GOT to turn into a passageway, right?”

I just gave him a different bed because loft beds are so glitchy in my game.  Screw them.

7Happiness: “HELLO WISCONSIN!”

8Loser: “You mean this isn’t the bathroom!  Oh no!  And I thought I was so close this time too!”

Proprietor: *Bad timing werewolf change*

Happiness: “G-guys?  My show?”

9Loser: “I’m sorry, but the werewolf change was so sudden!  It happened so quick that I sharted myself.  I’m sorry!  But no, continue singing your Owl City ripoffs!  I love them!”

Proprietor: *Angry at the lack of fur that makes her a Death baby, seriously, why does this keep happening*

10And then Pissy Pants McPoop pissed himself three more times, and that killed the show for Happiness.

Happiness: “Do you really have to hurt meeeee/ do you really want to make me cry~”

11Jealousy: “I just wanted to come buy and learn a new recipe.  I didn’t think it was going to turn into stalker central.”

Drew: “Please take me back Jealousy.  I still love youuuu…”

12Jealousy: “Come any closer to me and I’ll shove my recipe collection up your ass.”

Drew: “Alright alright!  Later then!”

Jealousy: “Ah, that was easy.”

13Marlena: “Ah!  I do not think I’ve left this kitchen at all since last night.”

Edgardo: “No wonder everyone hates you so much Marlena.”

14Happiness: “Well, you have at least one good use left, Marlena.”

Marlena: “As your loving wife and fabulous mother to your children?”

Happiness: “Yeah, sure.  Hold your arm a little closer to my mouth please.”

15Happiness: “WHY DID YOU EVEN START WANTING TO KEEP BEES?!  THIS IS THE WORST IDEA EITHER OF US HAVE EVER HAD, JEALOUSY!”

Jealousy: “Oh stop being a sissy bitch.  The trick is, if a bee stings you, to punch it in the face and make it an example of what happens if they fuck with you.  Isn’t that right you little honey sacks of shit?”

16Happiness: “But why do I have to run to the grocery store?  You never had a problem just getting ice cream and soup out of the fridge before!”

Betel: “Shut up!  I’m making something special!  Now take this dollar and run on up to the Piggly Wiggly like a good little lad, ok?”

17Happiness: “What exactly are you even going to use this tomato in, Betel?”

Betel: “I don’t really know… some sort of zombie repellant spell maybe?  More than likely.  Now please, leave me back to my hopscotch work.”

18OH, I almost totally forgot about Brave!  Despite her icon still in the bar… well, welcome home, kid!

19Brave: “Totally forgot where I live, bruh!  Like, that school was a totally different lifetime bruh!  Like, think about it, what if it, like, was?”

It’s alright that you don’t remember where you live, and spawn in random yard in a neighborhood halfway across town, Brave!  Because you don’t even have to come home!  You’re getting kicked out anyway 😀

20Peace: “DAD!  STRANGER DANGER!  AND IT’S NOT THE PIZZA GUY THIS TIME, I JUST KNOW IT!”

Brave: “Whoa, like when did we get a little mini dude, bruh?  This is totes messing with my vibes here.”

Betel: “Just ignore the little brother you never knew you had and just contact that Roommate Wanted ad we saw on Craigslist earlier.”

21Happiness: “I’m glad you made it safe and sound, baby girl.  I knew you would do great in school, and I’m proud of you.”

Brave: “I dig it, papa!  Glad someone remembered I was still kicking.  Like, where’s mama, haven’t seen her in so long, ya dig?”

Happiness: “Eh, she’s stuck in the kitchen.  And she probably wouldn’t even recognize you, so I won’t bother really.”

22So Brave came home and then left.  She doesn’t have a house yet, but I like to think she’s out living on the land and surviving off herbs and stuff.

Brave: “Hehe, yeah, herbs bruh.”

23I think I found out what Betel used that tomato for.

Betel: “Hell yeah, gots to get my Bloody Mary on.”

She had a good run with sobriety.  Five days, but who’s really counting.

24This day is the last day I spend controlling you, Jealousy.  Looking forward to your “freedom” and “retirement” of sorts?

Jealousy: “Of course.  Just going to sit back, and count my hard earned insurance money, and sit around and wait for Edgardo to finally just give up the ghost, no pun intended so don’t go telling Wrath, and have him finally just fade off and leave me alone.  It’s gonna be great.”

25Wrath: “I look forward to the many many years I get to spend tormenting you and making your life a living hell.”

Peace: “But you seem so nice.  What could you possibly mean by that, really?”

Wrath: “What did the lonely penis say to the other penis?  I just want to belong.”

Peace: “Wow, that’s, um… yeah, that’s pretty bad.  I don’t think I want to be seen with you anymore.  Oh hellenistic period.”

26Angela: “My little grandson will one day make me proud, and survive my grand neice’s horrid jokes and lead this family to further success.  Also, in case you are wondering, I am NOT cheating at this new game I have never played before.  I’m just a natural talent.”

Mmhmm.  I bet.

27It’s a double birthday for both Wrath and Peace.

28

Brave: “WHOA.  Like, I was totes just here.  It felt like hardly three minutes ago.  I’m having some wicked killer deja vu right now, bruh.”

Jada: “Whatever Puffy the Kush Slayer, I personally don’t even know why I’m here.I’m about to get to the bottom of this.”

29Jada: “Yo, Justin Buttface.  If you called me here to have a good time, well I’m here, in your nice bedroom, baby.  We doing this or what?”

Happiness: “Wait what, huh?  No, this is a birthday party, you’re not here for me.”

Jada: “Well that’s just a fucking waste of my time then.”

30Jealousy: “If you don’t wish for the evil trait, I’m going to be dissappoint.”

Wrath: “What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?  My ass!”

Jealousy: “I’m doomed.”

31Gen three torch holder Wrath, ladies and gentlemen.

Marlena: “I like her already!  I helped raise her you know!  So she’ll surely be a better hang out buddy than her evil mother!”

32Oh and she got the mean spirited trait.  It’s not evil, but it’ll do.

Jealousy: “YAY!”

Brave: “ALL YOUR BAD VIBES ARE KILLIN’ MY JUJU, BRAH”

LTW is now alchemy artisan, master of the alchemy skill and user of 50 elixirs.  Actually pretty simple really.

33Peace: “I wish for well being, and our happiness to last a long time.”

Jealousy: “Trust me, at the rate this jackhole is going, he’ll probably last forever.”

Happiness: *Kisses birthday sparkles*

34Marlena: “HURGK, oh no he ugly”

Peace: “Wow mom, way to talk about your son like that.”

35Peace: “See?!  I filled out!  Come on now!”

Marlena: “Ok… urghk, no it’s not working…”

Peace: “You serious?”

New trait for Peace is nurturing, which is something his mama ain’t.

36As new torch holder, Wrath’s first wishes were to aquire an elixer, and meet someone new.  The latter I did easy, since I was just lucky enough that the person I wanted her to meet was still at the party.

Wrath: “Party’s downstairs, dweeb.  Not in my cousin’s pants.”

Jada: “Man, fuck a baby birthday party.”

Wrath: “You know what, you’re right, damn skippy.  And you’re hot.  Now that I think about it, there might be a party in my pants now, baby doll.”

And of course then Jada left.

37Peace: “So, with Wrath taking over for Aunt Jealousy, I was thinking.  I know I’m still a kid, but what if I went ahead and took over for you, dad?  I’ll do good, and make sure everything’s taken care of.”

Happiness: “Nice try.  Nope.”

Charity: “Wow!  Real food!  It’s cake but it’s still food!  Thanks for letting me back in the house, dad!  Yes!”

38Kindness: “This is a great party!  Thanks for inviting me too!”

Happiness: “Nope, keep it at the door, bro.  Charity’s my daughter so she can come in.  You have to eat cake outside, alright?”

Kindness: “Oh alright.  But can I just eat it right here?  On the carpet maybe?”

Happiness: “Nice try.  Nope.”

39Oh yeah Wrath.  That looks safe as hell.

Wrath: “Alright alright.  So why is the sun single?  Because it gives terrible blowjobs!  Eh?  No takers?  Wow, tough house tonight.”

40For the majority of the next hundred plays, Wrath crammed on the alchemy table while waiting for Peace to catch up and grow up for the next gen.

41Not much else happened, considering Peace has apparently inherited his mother’s loseritis and tend to just stand around and not do anything until he absolutely has to for his needs.

Evalin: “Well the little shit can’t blame his bed this time.  This one actually works, so being a lameass this time is solely on him.”

Peace: “Thanks Aunt Evalin.  I’m aware of that.”

AND THEN, like I said earlier about the hundred play throughs, THE GAME WENT THROUGH A SERIES OF CRASHES (ok it was more like 7 crashes, but still bothersome).  At first I thought it was a candelabra from buy mode killing the game, but then I found out that Wrath’s LTW wasn’t working, and doing anything with Wrath for long periods of time was what was killing the game.  Long story short, she got a hard reset in MasterController.  So far no probs anymore.

42They had to redo their birthdays twice though.  Peace got nurturing again, but Wrath got stuck with green thumb this go around, and every attempt to change it manually crashed the game.  So I’m not going to bother with it.  Be a green thumb, see if I care.  Someone’s got to care for Jealousy’s cadaver garden anyway.  In my heart she will always be mean spirited though.

Not like I didn’t think she couldn’t talk to plants before anyway.  Just broadens the demographic for an audience for her jokes anyway.

Wrath: “Alright so this baby seal walks into a club.  Haha, get it!  Yeah, you’re dying!  Quite literally.  Maybe I should get rid of that crabgrass.”

43Wrath: “ALRIGHT, FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, THE BEES HATE RACIST MONGOLIAN JOKES!  NO MORE OF THOSE!  OUCH!  OUCH!  MARLENA, GET THE HOSE!”

Marlena: “Wow, um, no.  Those are bees and I’m not getting near them.  Hecky, I’m doing good to even find my way out of the kitchen!  So yeah, there’s that going for me.  RIP Wrath.”

44Jealousy: “Oh I could just wrap my hands around your neck and close your windpipe!  My daughter almost died to bees, and you were to lazy and useless to help her!  You’ve outlived your usefullness Marlena!  I should have fucking killed you when I had the chance!”

Marlena: “How DARE you!”

Wrath: “Alright, I lived.  I’m going to try this bee hive.  The left house tends to have more passive bees in it anyway.”

45Marlena: *SLAP* “I’m so tired of your empty mean threats, Jealousy!  No more!”

Jealousy: “AH!  You dare hit your elder?!  You little harlot!”

Wrath: “THE BEES AREN’T PASSIVE!  PLEASE DEMOCRAT HOUSE, YOU ARE THE KIND BEES, WHAT’S GOTTEN INTO YOU?!”

46Wrath: “I’m afraid to break up the cat fight, ladies.  But it’s time for graduation!  Wee!”

Jealousy: “I will cut you later.”

Marlena: “Oh bring it.  But not in my nice dress.”

47Back to endless stairs and slow stupid lines.

Happiness: “WOW, all these crisp new stairs, all rarely used.  What a shame really.”

Peace: “Dad, mom wouldn’t let me bring my electronic devices, and now I’m going to be bored at this thing!  I’m scared!  Hold me!”

48Wrath: “Uh, this smells like feet.  Maybe I should just buy a potion or something.”

Probably, she failed several times in a row.

49Cashier: “WOW!  A customer?!  This is wonderful, because we NEVER get customers!  Finally, I can now afford that treadmill I so desperately want!”

Wrath: “That’s great!  Because I’m going to be a regular here, lady!  Also, why did Helen Keller break her arm?”

Cashier: “Whua… huh?”

Wrath: “She was trying to read a stop sign at 40mph!”

Cashier: “…”

50Wrath: “Mom!  How’s life going now that you’re on your own and no one is watching over you all the time?”

Jealousy: “You know, I could just take this cane, beat you to death, and I’ll probably get my old life back as torch holder…”

Wrath: “Haha, yeah, and I can call Marlena in here too and have her take care of you.”

Mephistopheles: “Oooh, bitch is learning quick.”

51Envy: “Alberto!  Why’s there a Jehovah’s witness on our lawn again?!  I told you to turn the electric fence on this morning!”

Peace: “Why Uncle Envy, I’m shocked!  WELL, not really, ignore that pun.  But I can’t believe you don’t recognize me, I’m Marlena’s and Happiness’s son, Peace!  I’ve come to visit and hang out with your son today!”

Envy: “Yeah… fuck Alberto!  We have a damn electric fence for a reason!”

52Alberto: “Come the fuck on, dad!  Everett no longer has to wear his damn pigtails, but why the hell do I have to?!”

Envy: “See what happens when visitors get through the fence?!  Now shut it, and deal with it.”

I feel sorry for this kid really.

53Envy: “I’m serious, Georgina!  I don’t think that boy is mine!  Are you blind!?  He looks nothing like me!  We aren’t black and I can put two and two together, woman!”

Georgina: “Excuse you, I am the daughter of a rainbow fairy so he’ll be any damn color he wants to be!  And I’m not sorry he looks nothing like you, if I had to choose between looking like an old frog like you and looking exactly like me, I’d pick my genes every time too!”

Alberto: “Parents are fighting again.  Gonna try to do homework and pretend my life is happy.  Sigh.”

54Envy: “Oh wow, your dad’s a magic purple butterfly man, big fucking whoop, Georgina!  I stills say you cheated on me, and you’ve always been a major stank slut anyway!  I come back from the war and this is the shit I get!”

Georgina: “You were never in a war you dumbass!  Oh yeah, the Great Battle of the Backyard Raccoon Clan was so hard with your shovel and powerhose, let me say!  Much fighting, very battle, wow!”

Alberto: “Say Peace, want to join me for some television and ignore my mother using memes while arguing with my dad?  Shark Tank is on.”

Peace: “I’ll probably pass.  After algebra, I’ll probably stand in the corner and wait until your parents go to bed then I’ll sneak out and go home.  Thanks though.”

55Georgina: “And in case you’re stupid, our daughter is green, so get your ass stick out your ass and get over it!”

Envy: “GREEN?!  What the hell!  Not my little girl too!  Why is my life such a jumblefuck and why do you keep CHEATING ON ME GEORGINA

Alberto: “I wonder if anyone will get mad if I shave my head.”

56Later on, Happiness took his son out to the diner and got another photo with him.  Also, I think the Fallens would be tacky with their own photobooth.

57And I was also avoiding people celebrating this on purpose.

Marlena: “The dog is here with me!  Yay!  Come on Ophaniel!  Cheer for my birthday!”

Ophaniel: “Darn, I really came up here at the wrong time.”

58Jealousy: “Yes!  Now we have an even playing field!  you can’t outrun me this time, Marlena, so you better watch your step from now on!”

Marlena: “What was that?  I think I need a new hearing aid.  Something about watching my step?  Thanks, I do have bad hips you know, so it’s nice to know you are getting around to caring for me, Jealousy.”

Jealousy: “Uuuuuh, what?”

59Happiness: “I wonder if I can cut a pizza with this thing.”

Last day of playing with him, and I’m going to miss it.  How are you feeling about that, Happiness?

Happiness: “I feel I can really cut a pizza with this.”

60Marlena: “Do you HAVE to discover this thing and mess with it at 4 in the morning?!  Have you lost your cotton picking mind?!”

Happiness: “I’d like to try to find three more gems and use them in this thing!”

Marlena: “GAH!”

Happiness: “But… I also want to watch the stars with my daring dumb wife.”

61Marlena: “You do know how to be a goofy romantic.  And that body is hard to argue with.”

Happiness: “I know, right?!”

62After that whole mess with the crashing, I felt like I played more than my fair share of the same week or so with the family as is, so I shortened Peace’s life stage by about five days.  I know his teen years were short, but he really didn’t do anything with them anyway.

Peace: “But what about memories I could be making in those five days?  Maybe a prom could happen!  All the friends I could make in school!  I could go out and hang with those friends, and get in trouble with curfew cops and get lost in the mountains and die of starvation, all the fun stuff other teens get to do!”

Mephistopheles: “You used to get lost on your way to your bed.  Trust me.  That’s as exciting as you get on your own, kid.”

63Anger: “I got to stop coming to these parties.  they won’t let me live here, so I might as well not even bother showing up.”

Charity: “Daddy should see me now that I’m grown up and a young lady, and free from you, Anger.  He’d be so pleased with how I turned out.  Where is daddy anyway, Peace?”

Peace: “Quick Sing-a-Gram across town.”

Charity: “Ah.  A little rude.”

Light fixture: “I wonder how long I’m really going to be stuck on the side of this crummy little house.”

64Brave: “Spoiler alert, I was really the light fixture the whole time.  Mystical magic, bruh.”

Charity: “YEAH!  My big sis I haven’t seen since I was three is home from boarding school!  I’m mad that no one told me but WOOOOOO, let’s go clubbing!”

65Happiness: “Alright, I’ve prepped him for this day for years now.  I feel like he’s matured enough to take care of us and watch over this family.  And I also trust that him growing up won’t break the house, but I digress.”

Wrath: “WHOA, was that some shot at me?  Way to be an asscheese, Uncle Kindness.”

66Peace: “So much green going on right here in our corner!  I love green!  I can’t wait to paint this whole house in green!”

Charity: “That would be so kickin’ like chicken!”

Envy: *Is ashamed to even be associated with these losers*

67Peace: *DEATH GLARE*

Envy: “Whoooa, I’m not messing with this fool”

68Peace: “Nope, don’t panic!  I look pretty good and nice!”

Marlena: “Hecky yeah!  I made and raised some good looking babies!”

Charity: “Hecky yeah!  You made and raised some good looking babies!”

Says the mother daughter clone team.

69Happiness: “Well, I wish you the best of luck son!  Take care of us!  Don’t let me die, please.”

Peace: “You can trust me dad!  I’m so honored you trust all this to me, I just… *sniff, cry*”

Peace’s new trait is over emotional, and for his lifetime wish he’s going to be the Descendant of Da Vinci (maxing invention, painting and sculpting skills).

70With that, the second generation has been wrapped up and we welcome our new Fallen overlords into my control.

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Mother and Child Bonding

Halloween is over, and we can now get back to our regular programming.  I kept spelling programmy as I typed.

gofuckyourslefhappenis

I waited forever to use this screenshot.  I just spelled screenshit.  Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this right now.

Anyway, Last actual chapter involved Marlena whooping on Jealousy’s ass, and then Betel started making weird noises again.  She’s better now.  Peace had a birthday, and that was about it really.

1Apparently some gifts for a wedding came in.  I guess it was for Jealousy’s and Edgardo’s re-marriage, but I know I checked the mailbox once before since then, so I don’t know.  Everyone was just really late I suppose.

Drew: “I’m still really really pissed you dumped me for a dead guy, Jealousy!  I hope you take this football, and hit yourself in the eye with it.  I would like nothing more than for it to go all Marcia Brady on your ass.  Did you know that the Brady Bunch has it’s on wiki site?  I didn’t until now.  Anyway, choke on the ball.  Love, Drew.”

2Anger: “DEAR MOM: I miss being home, and it sucks balls that you didn’t tell me that dad came back home finally after his pilgrimage to Mecca.  Thanks for keeping me out of the loop once again!  I’m so angry.  But I wish you would let me back in the house.  Raising your cousin’s daughters is horrible.  I am sending you pictures of me in hopes that you will miss me and remember that I exist and that you should still love me.  Never mind that they all look like portraits of dogs.  Because they are dogs.  I hate taking selfies.  Sincerely, your damn son, Anger.”

3Jealousy: “Betel?  There is a puddle on the floor that smells strongly of expensive liquor.  Did you do this?!”

Betel: “I’m sorry, miss.  I feel so lonely and everything’s so quiet since the noises left me.  I have turned to drink.  Please don’t set me up with any AA meetings.  I can’t deal with that mess again.”

So Betel’s taken up drinking now, like she did in my Supernatural test chapters..  She won’t do anything anymore, except drink and wet the floor.  Sometimes she mops it up, but not always.  At least on the hopscotch mat she wasn’t making a mess everywhere.

4Ophaniel: “All your base are belong to me!  Get it, because… oh wait, what was the joke?  Oh man, I got to pee.”

Happiness: “It seems that the dog has taken quite a liking to your legs, Jealousy.”

Jealousy: “This little shit better not be pissing on me, if he knows what’s good for him.  That piss lands on me, and I’ll snap his little lifted leg right off his hip joint.”

5Ophaniel: *Successfully diverts pecker stream*

Jealousy: “That’s a good boy.  I will let you live another day.”

Happiness: “And I just got these little slippers cleaned too…”

6Happiness: “Whoa!  Where’s the pina colada mix?  And my special wine?  Even the rubbing alcohol is gone!  Betel!  did you do this?!”

Betel: “I did everything except for that puddle over there.  That’s not my puddle.  That’s the dog’s puddle.  Nevermind that it smells like the good alcohol.”

7Happiness: “I love you, you love me / please stop drinking all our good sake~”

Betel: “What is this, Happiness?”

Happiness: “Please don’t be so sad that you have to drink all our alchohol, Betel!  Don’t be lonely, have a stuffie!  He’ll be your companion and make you happy!”

Betel: “Wow!  That’s so sweet of you, Happiness!  Thank you!”

8Betel: “Oops, sorry.  Relapse.”

This was actually her last one, she quit cold turkey on the drinking right after.  So keep in mind people!  If your Bonehilda is drinking, sing a diddy to get her giddy!

Wait.

9I skimmed over his panel for a second and I don’t think I’ve ever seen this wish before.  Considering he knows very little about his mother, it’s a very sad wish anyway.  I think I’m going to try to fix this problem.

10Marlena: “Hurry!  Your father wants to go out on a family outing and we don’t have time for you to be playing in a mud hole next to the sidewalk!”

Peace: “I’m in a hole?  That explains why I can’t see over the trashcan!”

Wrath: “Why does this keep happening every time I come home?!  My psychologist doesn’t believe me as it is!”

11Marlena: “Where are we going, my love?”

Happiness: “It’s an emergency family bonding trip!  We are going to spend time as a family, and grow closer together!  It will be fun, and besides, you two could use some time out of the house!”

12Happiness: “Whoops, look at that, I got a show to do on another lot across town!  Now you two be careful and have fun together today, and I’ll come by to check up on you two when I’m done!”

Marlena: “What?!  wait a diddly darn minute, Happiness!  You can’t just live Pierce here with me like this!”

Peace: “Um… it’s Peace, mama.”

Marlena: “No this is not peaceful!  I’m in serious distress here!  Happiness!  Get your booty back here!”

Well this is off to a good start.

13I went to check on Wrath to see what she’s up to.  She left the house to do her homework, at another kid’s house.

Wrath: “Mama told me to get out and make friends with people.  Actually I’m banned from this house.  Restraining orders and all.  So I came to visit!  Mama’s really happy with me.”

14Ricky: “Whoa whoa whoa!  Guys!  The bee-looking chick that drop kicked our dog is back again!”

Wrath: “What do you call a cheap castration?  A rip off!”

Ricky: “…I think I better leave for now.”

15Wrath: “Doing my homework at another person’s house is so relaxing.  Watching their neglected porch baby slowly starve to death also gives me more dead baby jokes for my stand up comedy line up!”

That might explain it.  Not too sure why all the teens seem to just revolve around this house though.

16Marlena: “Come on, Happiness.  A stupid little music show usually doesn’t take you this long.  UGH, I could be home working on collecting furniture in my Animal Crossing town right about now.”

Peace: “I feel the family bonding over here, for sure.”

17Marlena: “Oh you already know how fabulous of a mother I am already!  I mean, I am your mother, so of course you know!  My love for you can be expressed to you without the use of words, you know that!”

18

Peace: *tears up* I get more love from Jealousy, you know that?”

Proprietor: “Eavesdropping on some juicy ass drama, aren’t I?”
19Marlena: “It’s alright, Percy!  Well, it’s getting late, I’m going to go on home then.  Prep the house, fix your breakfast in the morning, find out where they hid the rocking chair…  Later, sweetie.”

Peace: “I’ll count that as attention from mom.  Just so I don’t have to do that again.  That was painful.”

Why is Marlena supposed to be the ‘good’ one again?!

21Ophaniel: “OH, you’re back already.  Didn’t think you’d be back in time to see me sinking through my bed… in one of the many holes we seem to have around here.  Starting to think this ground the house is on is cursed or something…”

Marlena: “This isn’t what I wanted to come home to.”

22Happiness: “Huff huff… I came the second I saw your mother drive away!  Actually I showed up the same time she stepped off the sidewalk.  What happened?!  Did the outing go good?”

Peace: “We stared at each other on the sidewalk for about 2 hours, then she got grumpy because you didn’t let her bring her 3DS with her, and so she went home.  Why does mama not like me, dad?”

23Happiness: “Oh son, she does love you.  She’s just plagued with the disease of an extremely low IQ, and she can’t help it.  But I’m here, and I promise, as long as your dad’s here, you’ll never have to worry about people who love you ever!”

Peace: “Thanks dad.  You are the best father a kid could ask for.”

24.1They went to have a good night out the rest of the night, and Peace even got a memento to remind him about how great at least one of his parents are.

24Meanwhile the other house couple apparently spent their early morning doing their own little thing.

Jealousy: “The sky is so nice this time.  So purple.  I could just throw you up into the sky and lose you in the clouds forever.”

Edgardo: “Heh, you can!  Heh heh… please don’t do that.”

Jealousy: “I’m seriously considering doing that.”

25Marlena: “Oh good, my son did manage to come home safe and sound!  Which is fantastic!  Because I was just about to go out and bust him on being out past curfew.”

Mephistopheles: “You really are a sack of shit, woman.”

Marlena: “Well someone’s got to teach him the rules of the night around here!  What better than a friendly neighborhood cop?”

Mephistopheles: “An actual mother?”

26Loyalty: “Please mama!  I miss your cooking!  I miss food in general, really.  Who’s bright idea was it to ship us away to Cousin Anger’s house for the rest of our lives?!  Can I just have a couple of sandwiches to make it the rest of the week?  Please!”

Haha no.  I guess it’s not so Nice! after all.

27Jealousy: “What the hell is that husband of mine doing in the backyard at this time of day?  Dammit, I could see so much better through this telescope if I actually used the eyepiece.”

28Uh oh, it’s cake time!  And I bet you can tell who’s cake this is going to be.

Peace: “Spoiler alert.  Not me.  I still have cake in the fridge, from where Betel shoved it in there amongst the other stuff Jealousy cooked and the hidden bottles of empty rum Betel thinks she’s hiding from us.”

29Loyalty: “Gimme five!  Ha ha, I joke.  Actually, I was supposed to bring food, but I don’t have food.  I’m so hungry.  Has mama made me the sandwiches yet?  Please tell me she’s actually working on that…”

Peace: “I hate to break it to you, sis… so I’m not going to say anything.”

30Jealousy: “This is shit.”

Edgardo: “I know, we can’t grow old together since I stopped growing.  But know that I will always love you no matter your age, Jealousy.”

Jealousy: “Know that you’ll be living in one of the bee huts if you keep pulling that corny crap on me.”

32Jealousy: “Is this real or is this fantasy”

Considering how uncouth Jealousy is in the first place, she’s aged rather gracefully in my opinion.

33Charity: “Gimme fi-”

Wrath: “JOKE’S ALREADY BEEN MADE, BETTER NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT ENCROACHING ON MY TERRITORY.”

Charity: “I do apologize.  But in all seriousness, please… can I have some food?”

Peace: “This is getting so awkward… I’m just going to pretend I can’t hear anything and act like I’m texting my bestie or something.”

Stacey: “But I’m right here.”

Peace: “Take out your phone and stop making me look like a loser, Stacey…”

34Wrath: “Wow, what ugly tree did you pick a fight with this morning, mother?”

Jealousy: “Just because I’m 70 something years old, doesn’t mean I won’t beat the crap out of you, kid.”

35Edgardo: “Nevermind the poop our daughter gave you dear!  I still think you are gorgeous, and every day I’m alive, er well, I’m happy to be here with you.”

Jealousy: “Well at least there’s still someone who thinks I’m pretty.”

36And then they did the ugly.

37They aren’t the only ones that wanted to get it on either.

Happiness: “I was going to spank you for making our son feel bad about having a crap mother, but it’s such a terrible turn on for me…”

Ophaniel: “Hey, can someone fill my food bowl downstairs real qui… oh, is this a bad time?”

38Happiness: “Ugh!  Ophaniel!  Stop doing that, we’ve already had to replace two of those this week!”

Mephisitopheles: “Well he’s got to do something to burn the sight of your butts out of his eyes.  Poor traumatized dog.  I’ve done bad things to him in the past, but damn, people.”

39Ophaniel: “I think I made a new friend.  He smells like manure and chewed up hay, but I like him!”

Wild Horse: “The fact that I haven’t neighed negatively at you and run away shows how well behaved I am!  That and how gracious you should be that I haven’t magically spawned myself into your house.”

40Happiness: “What a gentle and sweet horse!  I’d love to befriend him and bring him home maybe, if only my want panel wasn’t so full…”

Wild horse: “Shouldn’t you be more concerned about your fridge eating a hole through the wall of your house?”

41Wrath: “Why do I have to do this?!  I don’t want to spend time with you on my day off!  I’d rather light a firecracker off near the cat’s butt than do this with you!”

Jealousy: “Look at me not caring.  I want to spend the day playing hopscotch with someone, and since your idiot ghost father cheats and I don’t even want to look at the other people in this house, much less socialize with them, you’re just going to have to suck it up.”

42Wrath: “Haha!  Wow, did you see that horse run through here just now?!  That was cool!   Alright, so a businessman goes to Japan on a business trip…”

Jealousy: “FUCK YOU HORSE!  YOU MESSED ME ALL UP, NOW I HAVE TO START ALL OVER!”

43Wrath: “Stop screaming!  Can’t you let me finish my damn joke?!”

Jealousy: “Can’t you shut up and let me do my DAMN JUMPS RIGHT?!”

At least they are having fun together.

44Wrath ended it a little early to get ready to go to prom, and she actually went in the right outfit as well!

Jealousy: “Mom wouldn’t let me leave the house in just a Snuggie.  I don’t understand why though.”

46This is the only thing that really happened to Wrath at the prom.  Kinda sad though, but kinda expected this too.

47This also happened during prom though.

How about

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

You stupid married bastard!

48This chapter is almost up, and by the end of next chapter, a certain birthday is coming up, marking the end of the reign of someone in the family…

Wrath: “Oh no!  Please don’t strangle me!  I still have so many shitty jokes to tell so many stupid people!”

49Wrath: “Wow, this strangling stuff is kinda hot.”

Skull Trumpet

Fresh off the heels of fixing our latest glitch fest, we now join Jealousy and Edgardo as we find out if getting remarried will fix our LTW fluke once and for all…
1YES!  Jealousy’s LTW was fixed the second she married Edgardo again, and all is right in the world.  Now we have useless ghost husband floating around the house and doing nothing, but I really don’t want to just send him back right now.  So I’m going to hold onto him like the ghost hoarding loser I am.

2Jealousy: “All that crap to go about saving my hard-earned fortune is exhausting, I felt like I hadn’t slept in days.  I’m going to finally curl up in my bed and take a nice long… OH HELL NO.”

3Jealousy: “MARLENA!  THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED!  GET OUT!  YOU’RE GETTING YOUR NASTY RANK STINK ALL OVER MY SHEETS!”

Marlena: “Zzzz, wazzat?”

4Jealousy: “DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I AM ABOUT TO MURDER YOU?!  NOW I HAVE TO THROW OUT MY PERFECTLY GOOD SHEETS, ALONG WITH YOUR MANGLED CORPSE, WHEN I’M DONE WITH YOU-”

5Marlena: “NEVER!  Justice shall prevail over evil, Jealousy!”

Jealousy: “What the shit?!  A PREEMPTIVE STRIKE?!  THAT’S JUST FUCKING DIRTY, MARLENA!”

6Marlena: “So long as I have the laws of goodness on my side, you can never defeat me, Jealousy!”

Jealousy: “BUT IT’S MY BED!  UUGHAAAAGH!  YOU’RE GONNA REGRET IT!  I’LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THIS!”

7The husbands don’t care.

Happiness: “Raising baby!  Someone’s got to do it!  My son needs a friend and parent in his life!  Love this little kid!  I’m dedicating my newest album all to songs about him!”

Edgardo: *Is really useless since coming back into the house*

8Great, now where are you going, Marlena.

Marlena: “Well, no where really, since the taxi driver kinda just bailed on me.”

9Well apparently she’s GOING ON A DATE

WITH DREW

BECAUSE I JUST HAVE A TENDENCY TO CLICK ACCEPT BY ACCIDENT

This is actually the third or fourth time Drew has asked Marlena for a date.  Persistence pays off I suppose.

10Drew: “Marlena, such a lovely woman!  If I’m going to lose the love of my life to her dead ghost husband, then I will take the next best thing!  Marlena!”

Marlena: “Aaw, stop, you tease!”

YOU’RE THE DAMN TEASE, MARLENA

11Drew: “So I have this new bed at home.  It’s a Serta!  I was thinking you and I could go back to my place and test it out…”

Marlena: “Ooh, I do recommend Sertas!  I actually have one at home!  It’s the best sleep you’ll ever have!”

Yeah, now if only you will actually SLEEP in your OWN BED.

12Happiness: “Marlena?  What are you doing here?”

Marlena: “Oh sweetheart!  I had no idea you were performing tonight!  What a treat this is!  Me and a friend got together and we are hanging out tonight!  To hang out with such a sweet friend and watch my husband perform this really is a nice turn of events!”

13Drew: “I picked a really good place to go on a date with you, didn’t I!  A date to the club to watch your husband perform while I make off with his wife, I’m having the time of my life!”

Happiness: *sings Quit Playing Games With My Heart and cries into the microphone*

Marlena: “Oh stop being such a baby, Happiness, you act like we’re on a really for real date or something!”

Drew: “…I’m on a really for real date…”

14Jealousy: “I sense an ex of mine and an enemy of mine doing things together, and I’m feeling some serious rage in me right now.  Also, can you STOP with the broken music sounds, Betel!?  You are getting on my damn nerves as well!”

Betel’s back to playing music randomly again, but instead of a full song, it’s just a split second instrumental sound that repeats every couple of seconds, like a broken track.   And I thought the last sound track was annoying.

Betel: “BLEET… BLEET… BLEET… BLEET…”

This is literally the best way I can describe it

15Like father like son, I see.

Happiness: “I’m just depressed.  Marlena worries me, but I trust my wife with the fullest of my ability… my naive, ignorant wife.  I don’t trust my wife.”

Peace: “And that bone maid is getting on my nerves.  I haven’t slept for several hours with her tooting around the house.  I don’t trust her.”

16Jealousy: “And I don’t remember when we started keeping kibble in the milk carton.”

17Happiness: “Ignore the cat pretending to be in a pat down search by cops, and focus on the fact that you are about to finish maxing out all your skills, my son!  This is a good day after all.  Despite the fact that the ghosts seem to still be out this late in the day.”

18Wrath: “DAD?  OH GOD, WHEN DID YOU GET BACK FROM THE ARMY?  YOUR SUDDEN PRESENCE HAS SNAPPED MY ARM RIGHT OFF!  WHY DID SARAH FALL OFF THE SWING?!  SHE HAS NO ARMS!”

Edgardo: “Was the house always this purple before?  Or is it because I’m looking at it through this thin purple filter?”

19Wrath: “Knock knock!  Who’s there?  Not Sarah.”

Peace: “Enough jokes, I don’t need a nap, Wrath!  I need food!  You can’t starve me like this you know, it’s not healthy!”

20Peace: “Oh COME ON!  I DON’T want to nap just because YOU want to nap!  I want food!  Someone help me here!  I need my snackie!”

21Daddy would feed his baby, if he wasn’t out working, or rather, helping his brother celebrate losing his virginity.

NO ONE WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT, KINDNESS.

22Egret: “Not sure how he lost his virginity.  I’m here.”

Happiness: “He probably thinks virginity is lost when he got married.  Don’t question his idiotic thinking.  It’s not safe.  Also, please move.  You’re blocking the stage.”

QT: “I don’t think I’m blocking it enough!” *expands some more*

23Ralph: “UGH!  Not THIS guy again!  This damn place shows him every damn day it feels like!”

Happiness: *So determined to get around Egret and her dog that he starts forcing his way through the bar*

24Wrath: “How do you make a baby drink?  You put it in a blender.  Who wants me to put it in a blender?”

Jealousy: “You better not, Wrath.  We got a really nice blender for Christmas last year.”

Betel: “So no one is going tBLEET take care of this little screamBLEETing kid?  I mean, I would, but I reallyBLEET don’t want to…”

25Marlena: “I took care of the baby!”

ACTUALLY she picked him up and put him in front of the door like they’ve been prone to doing lately and let him pass out waiting for daddy to come home, CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW STUPID THIS WOMAN IS

Happiness: “Why”

26I BLAME MARLENA

27Jealousy: “I should have just tried to put out this fire by pushing Marlena into it, but nooooo, Happiness didn’t want that, ugh *grumble*”

Edgardo: “Hurry, Jealousy!  I don’t want the fire to spread and get to me, despite the fact that out of all people in this family, a fire is the LEAST of my concerns!”

Happiness: “Ahhh, fire!  Ahh?  AHHH!  EDGARDO!  EDGARDO’S GHOST, AHHHH!”

Jealousy: “Don’t act like you didn’t even notice him there the whole time, Happiness!”

Happiness: “I DIDN’T!”

28Jealousy: “Well dang, the fireman that arrived late is actually really hot.  I’ll let him live.”

Edgardo: “You know what else is hot?  The stove.  It’s still smoking.”

29Jealousy: “Oh, and my brother is here.  Hello Envy.”

Envy: “WHY DO YOU KEEP INVITING ME TO BIRTHDAY PARTIES?!  I DON’T GIVE A SHIT!”

Happiness: “Because you are family, and family is very important!  Now shut it and enjoy some darn cake, bro.”

30Charity: “Yay!  Daddy let us back in the house!  Everything is just as I left it!  What a wonderful birthday party for Peace this is going to be!”

Kindness: “YES!  I’ve been let back in the house!  AND GLORIOUS DAY, the books are back in the house as well!”

Jaime: “On that note, I think I’ll go home.”

Anger: “I want to go too.”

31Happiness: “I’m so happy for you, baby!  Tomorrow, you will start big boy school and we can finally say we are done with little babies for a long, long time.”

People I didn’t even invite: “ANGER SUCKS”

Jealousy: “Haha.  Yeah, I’ll agree with that.”

32Charity: “Even I agree Anger isn’t really up to snuff around here.  He makes a terrible substitute father, did you know that?”

Anger: “All you assholes are just mad because of my new hip haircut.  Don’t hate the player, jackasses.”

33Peace’s new trait is computer whiz, so he probably programs church websites for elderly pastors. Or the Epsilon program website or something.

Anger: “The little shit does look like a cult leader already.   Could also explain why my copy of Grand Theft Auto 5 didn’t come with me in the move.”

34After the party there was a notification that Charity also chose today to grow up, even though I don’t think she was due for a birthday for a while.  I may have been wrong.  I her new trait wasn’t of any importance.

Charity: “There’s nothing like your parents throwing a birthday party for your little brother, and then completely forgetting about you and yours.  But that’s ok.  I love them and I forgive them and I know they have other things to worry about at the moment.  Like mother’s sanity.”

Loyalty: “It’s ok sis.  Just stare at the soothing green room and know that at least we moved into a house that’s our favorite color.”

Charity: “True.  It is very nice.”

35Back home, the pets have become such buddies, that they now sleep in the very same position together.”

Ophaniel: “Zzzz… mmph, the ghost is back in the house, don’t like the ghost…. zzz, ghost scares me…”

Mephistopheles: “Snore, could have sworn he was literally swimming with the fishes, but apparently not, zzz…”

36Evalin: “I think you’ve been swimming with the fishes lately, Eunice, because yo ass is stanky.”

Eunice: “Look, I am trying to delete everyone’s achievements on their profiles, but I can’t do it if your ass is standing in front of me, Evalin!  Well I kinda can because I can kinda look through you, but it would be SO MUCH EASIER, if you’d fuck off!”

Marlena: *Did nothing but stand there in the room since Peace’s party ended*

37Around here was when the game effed up and when I fixed it, this is where I found Peace.

Peace: *Muffled sounds of a mouth full of dry wall*

Happiness: “That’s still not an excuse to skip out on school today, mister!”

38Jealousy: “It’s a good thing to look out our doors and still see our same town and not a burning rampage of the apocalypse anymore, but did we adopt another dog or something?  Why is Anger’s mutt passed out on our front walk?”

Captain: “I’m a cute little bugger though, aren’t I?”

Jealousy: “Yeah yeah, don’t make yourself comfortable, dog.”

39Wrath: “Drive, mutant.  I have a show and tell event and I’m showing off my pet today.  Remember your line for the class, Peace?”

Peace: “Kifflom.”

Wrath: “Heh heh… I forced him to watch me play online Los Santos for 13 hours straight.  Best weekend ever.”

40Jealousy isn’t the only one who completed their LTW this chapter!

Happiness: “The biggest pop star in the history of music!  The biggest celebrity in Hidden Springs!  I have made it to the top!”

Andria: “Cool beans.  I’m gonna go take a bath.  I need you to give me a celebratory sing-a-gram afterwards.  Sit right here and don’t move.”

Happiness: “Oh, ok.”

41Meanwhile Marlena is even getting up there in her LTW, which is apparently to master law enforcement as I found out recently.  At least she hasn’t been fudging that up.  Nice to know she’s at least doing something right.

42Nevermind.  She’s screwing up again.

Marlena: “What did I do wrong now?  All I want to do is go home in my baby’s stroller.  I just can’t get anyone to push me.  Sigh.”

43Ophaniel: “So uh, you still lost kid?  Do you need me to walk you home or something?”

Captain: “I think I’ve been forgotten about…”

Ophaniel: “Aw, noo, we’ve just had a hard couple of days, that’s all, It’s ok.  I’ll watch over you until you find your way back home.”

44Peace: “Dad, mom’s home.”

Happiness: “I’m not shocked, son.”

45Wrath: “I don’t know where I was, but I’m home now.  Did I miss something important or something?”

Happiness: “Not much, just testing this sink hole in the sidewalk.  Get the jackhammer, Betel.”

Betel: “At least I stopped bleeping.”

Captain: “I’m still here, lol”

Ophaniel: “It’s alright, I promise.”

46Jealousy: “JUST CHECKING YOUR POCKETS FOR CONTRABAND AND DRUGS, LOSER”

Wrath: “That’s not a pocket, mom *takes deep whiff of Jealousy’s hair*”

Mephistopheles: “I’m going to go sit in the windowsill and pretend that I don’t know any of you freaks.”

47Captain: “I’m starting to think this is my new home now.”

Deer: “Is this my new home too, OH COME ON, OPEN THE DOOR”

48Edgardo: “YOU ARE THE REASON I’M DEAD, HAPPINESS, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE QUESTIONABLY SCARY AND VAMPIREY”

Happiness: “AHHHH, I’M SORRY I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I DID ANYTHING WRONG OH NOOO”

49Wrapping the chapter up for now.  The only notification worth taking note of was Anger actually got together with his aunt after all.  Well, his ex-aunt anyway.  Once an aunt always an aunt if I do say so myself though.

50And Captain did find his way home eventually with the help of Overwatch.  Happy endings everywhere today.

Oops

So I posted a lot of chapters in a short period of time then took a month break.  Yep, that sounds about right.  I just hadn’t really felt up to sims and then a couple of days ago I woke up and just thought, “I hadn’t even checked for any sims news lately”, so I get online and THIS

0NEW TOWN

IS EVERYTHING I COULD HAVE DREAMED FOR

1LOOK

2AT THIS

3AND THIS CUTIE

Midnight Hollow looks absolutely fantastic!  It makes Moonlight Falls look like Central Park.  I’m going to try to get this town by the end of this month!  Maybe even for a Halloween event special or something!  But for 2450 points or whatever?  That’s almost $30.  You’re losing your fucking mind, EA.  Tempting me like this…

UGH

Shall we see what the Fallens have done since I left off a month ago?

4Nathaniel: “Well, we grew in numbers, but we still lack the love.”

Amon: “You’re telling me, I can’t stand any of you fucks that I’m forced to spend the rest of my eternity with!”

Wait, wrong lot, the one we want is down the street from here…

5Anger: “YOU HAVE COME AT A WRONG TIME, STOP LOOKING AT ME!”

Way to welcome us back, Anger.

6Happiness: “It’s been a fantastic morning so far!  My son is everything we could have dreamed for, everything is running smoothly outside of Anger wetting his pants, and the cat  is just hilarious to watch!  I would say that today is a good day.”

7Happiness: “Welcome to the show tonight, everyone!  Today is an absolutely fantastic day, is it not!  So for you guys, I think I will do some of the classics: 90’s Brittany Spears and Techno-Classical hits of the year, unlike the usual list of J-pop songs I usually do for my fans!  Who’s up for some music?!”

8Loyalty: “I came with my father to cheer him on.  Someone’s got to support him when he builds his crowds up, then embarasses himself on stage and goes back to singing and crying to his one-man audience Kindness.”

Envy: “I plan on flashing my wiener on stage and getting Happiness kicked out of the club.  That’ll surely work, right?”

9Edgardo: “Holy hell!  I never thought I would make my way out of the afterlife!  And that basement!  I’m starving to death!  Oh wait.”

Evalin: “Heeey, I know you.  You’re that… guy… What’s his face, uh…”

10Evalin: “Oh THAT’S right!  You’re the Edgardo fellow!  Hah, I see my daughter has had her use of you and finally tossed you out like last week’s garbage!  Took her longer than I expected, but well done, child of mine!”

Edgardo: “Not listening.”

Jealousy: “Mom, get out of the way.  Edgardo?  Is that you, dear?”

11Edgardo: “Mmf, cake… don’t you “dear” me, Jealousy.  Death told me everything.  From the get go you were going to kill me?!  Like this?!  I don’t want to talk to you, you harlot.”

Jealousy: “(Well I don’t want to talk to him either, but… for some reason, this isn’t, well, fulfilling to me… something is missing, but what?  What is wrong?!”

GUESS WHO ISN’T GETTING HER LTW FULFILLED

12Jealousy: “Sooooooo…. wait.  Aren’t you all dead and stuff?  You’re all ghosty now.  A ghosty ghost. Death reaped your soul and all that hokey.  Obviously, you are gone from this plane of existence, so don’t you count as my deceased husband and all that?”

Edgardo: “Hah!  Hardly, you idiot!  I’m DEAD now!  Which means, I’m no longer your husband!  I am your FIANCE.  Look at our relationship panel.  It speaks for itself!  So much for your corrupt plan, “my love”!”

Isn’t that just flip frick fracking tastic!  I had to look up why her LTW wasn’t accounting itself, and it turns out she had to actually watch her husband die for it to count!  Or some mess like that.  I’M MAD.

I guess this is my fault though.  I should had done some better research on this LTW before boldly jumping in and assuming that it was going to be simple.  But really.  How complicated is “kill rich husband, look at ghost”?!  There REALLY as to be a SPECIFIC GUIDELINE FOR THIS MESS?!

13Jealousy: “(ARE YOU KIDDING ME.  I fucked up.  I fucked up big time.  And I may be young and beautiful still, but I can’t do this ALL OVER again!  There’s not enough time for this mess.  Shit.  Big fucking shit!  Think, Jealousy.  There may be a way to save this thing yet…)”

Edgardo: “Yep.  Squirm and mumble your frustrations out.  You didn’t win.  You didn’t win anything.  And tomorrow morning, I’m going to the office and canceling that insurance claim.  All the money will go into college bonds for my three children.  What do you have to say about that, “loving wife”?”

14Jealousy: “That is the most RIDICULOUS thing I have ever heard!”

Edgardo: “Huh?”

Jealousy: “You’re actually going to believe some bag of bones when he tells you your devoted wife is the cause of your death?  That’s the most asinine thing I’ve ever heard, Edgardo!  I love you!  And I would have never left you in that pit to die like that!”

Edgardo: “But… you did.”

Jealousy: “No no, things just didn’t go to plan, that’s all!  Spent a lot of time working on luring Happiness in.  A lot of time.  But you know, well, in the end, he’s really just a good guy and all.  Won’t hurt us.  Overreacted and all.  But by the time I returned to you… you know.  And it was all my fault.  I regretted it so much!  Don’t believe what that specter told you!  I still love you, Edgardo!”

15Edgardo: “My little bulldog… h-how could I have been so rash?!  How could I think you were the reason I died!  I was too hasty to trust the words of Death!  After all, he was just after my soul!  He must have lied to get me to leave with him quicker!  The bastard!  I distrusted you for so long!  I am in need of your forgiveness, Jealousy!  Forgive me!”

Jealousy: “Oh Edgardo.  I do.  I forgive you for thinking so stupidly.”

16Betel: “Ding dong, chilidog!  The time is now 8 in the morning!  All spirits and specters leave the place before I call the ghost busters!  I got cleaning to do.”

Jealousy: “Dammit Betel!  I was JUST reeling him back in!  I need to get this ring back on his finger and get this mess straightened out before it’s too late!  But I got to get him back in the house first… how would I go about doing that the easiest?”

17Peace: “I don’t know anything about all that, but COME ON!  I REALLY need to have nap time over here!  Not daddy!”

Must be hard being a single parent.  You know.  Because Marlena doesn’t do a damn thing around here.

18Jealousy: “Yo, asshole.  get your lazy self up and help me.  I got a request for you.”

Ophaniel: “Shall I lick his face and nuzzle him awake for you?”

Jealousy: “No need, if he doesn’t wake up by the time I walk across this room, I’ll just throttle him myself.”

19Happiness: “What do you need, cousin?  I kinda need my rest and all, raising my kids like this…”

Jealousy: “I need my husband back in the family roster again.  And being legit dead and all that shit, I need you to go to the science building, get the thing done, bla bla bla… don’t look at me with that dead gaze, Happiness.  I know you know what I’m talking about.”

20Happiness: “That Opportunity?  Well, yeah, I have it.  I’ve had it since mom passed away all those years ago.  I’ve been saving it in case of an emergency, such as the kids getting hit by a truck, or you doing something to them.”

21Jealousy: “Bah, forget your kids.  I need it to bring my husband back into the family.  If I don’t prove to him that I still care for him or whatever, he’ll negate the life insurance policy, even as a ghost!  I don’t need to be bullshitted over like that.  So get down there and bring him back into the family, Happiness.”

Happiness: “No way, José!  This is for emergencies only!  I’m sorry you failed so hard at your lifetime dream of screwing someone over for money, but this is a life or death opportunity, and we cannot squander the gift that we were given!”

22Jealousy: “Please, Happiness… I don’t ask a lot from you, you know.  But as your cousin, your family… I need this.  I need him back in our lives.”

Happiness: “The answer is still no, Jealousy!  This is a major opportunity for us and-oh shitake is that a tear?  You’re CRYING??  Oh lord, let me get the car keys.”

23Jealousy: “Alright, where’s my damn ghost fiance?”

Happiness: “Yeah.  About that.  Jealousy, we can’t fill the house up any more than what we got.  The scientists say we are currently loaded.  I mean, it hasn’t stopped us before, but…”

Jealousy: “That’s bullshit!  Get a mod!  Do something!”

Happiness: “I thought we had a mod!  I guess we don’t anymore.  Oh well, guess we’ll just have to wait.”

Jealousy: “Fuck you, you aren’t any help.”

Fine, we can do this the hard way.

24Egret, NOOOO.  You can do so much better, dear!

Egret: “Aftur many cold years married to many old guys, it’s nice to have some young blood ’round the hawse!”

That doesn’t mean it has to be KINDNESS.

25Anger: *Teenage  anger, literally and emotionally*

Happiness: *Patiently waiting to be the next to scold*

OH COME ON

26Happiness: “Don’t just walk by me after you’re time out and ignore what I have to say young man!  You are skipping school today!  Do you know how much trouble you should be in right now?!”

Anger: “Well do you know how bad I have to take a shit, dumbass?  You REALLY want to do this while I’m pooping squirts?!  Because I don’t have any problems makeing this as uncomfortable for you as you are making it for me!”

27I’ve kinda left Peace to his own devices.  He’s happy to be left alone for the most part, and I do not have any problems with that.

Peace: “I have the xylophone keys jacked so far up my bum, now let’s test my theory.  If I stick the hammer as far down my throat as it can possibly go, will I hit the keys?”

Maybe someone should be up here watching him.

28Happiness: “Maybe in a bit.  LOOK AT HOW CUTE MEPHISTOPHELES IS RIGHT NOW :D”

29Mephistopheles: “This bird?  I cannot kill it!  It’s in destructible!  I WILL ANNIHILATE EVERYTHING YOU LOVE UNTIL I DISCOVER YOUR SECRETS, BIRD” *Eyes start melting out of Mephie’s skull*

Happiness: “You know, we really need to get you some perscription cat googles for your eye problems, little guy.”

Ophaniel: “Are you people all stupid?  The cat is possessed by the devil, what does he have to do for you to see that already?!”

30Marlena: “Waaaaaiiit… I’m a cop?  Since when?  Since when did I have a JOB?”

Apparently you’ve always had one, I suppose.  You’ve been popping out babies since you got here, so it’s not really surprising that I had no clue about this until now.  Try not to screw this up, Marlena.

31Jealousy: “Look Drew.  I’m sorry to have to do this to you.  But we’re going to have to stop our relationship that we’ve been working on.  See, you’re broke, and that just makes you a scrub.  A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me.  Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend’s right trying to holla at me.”

32Drew: “What?  Please, Jealousy, don’t do this to me!  I really have feelings for you!  Ever since I saw you, ever since I came to this town!  We can make this work!  We don’t need money to love each other!”

Jealousy: “I do.”

Drew: “I’ll get a job then!  Please! Give me another chance!”

33Jealousy: “Alright kids, bad news.  No step father any time soon.  I’m determined to get your father back from the Siberian exile camp he’s been stuck at for the past four weeks.”

Anger: “That’s actually really good news to hear, mother.  I’ve been starting to think that he was dea-”

Drew: “PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE, Jealousy!  I LOOOOOOVE you!  I NEEEEEED you!  Don’t do this to meeeee, I’ll do ANNNNNNNNYTHING!”

Anger: “Shall I jam the pressure washer up this guy’s butt for you, mother?”

Wrath: “What’s the fastest vehicle on land?  Stevie Wonder’s speedboat.”

Anger: “This isn’t the time for your random stupid jokes, Wrath!”

34Ophaniel: “Why am I suddenly here?  How did I even get all the way out here to the park in the middle of the night?”

I have no idea, dog.  You tell me.

35Kid who probably lives at the park: “Yay, a doggie is having a birthday party!  This is the closest I’ll ever come to going to a birthday party!  This is the closest I’ll ever come to having friends.”

36Jealousy: “After a couple of days of scheming, I have come up with a plan to get Edgardo in the house.  Screw Happiness and his opportunity.  I have a perfectly good son that’s going to help me… by being thrown away.  I’ve called a birthday party over, and we’re gonna have a little shindig and he’s getting kicked out on his ass, opening a spot for his father!  He’ll never even be none the wiser!”

37.9Jealousy: “Really?  Really.  I knew Meghan was stupid but for it to rub off on her dumb kid.”

37.6

Marlena: “Don’t flatter yourself, Jealousy.  He also thinks I’m cute as well.  Considering he has a girlfriend.  Poor girl.”

Jealousy: “For him to like you, he really is stupider than I thought.”

37Marlena: “I hope you enjoy your birthday party today, Anger!”

Anger: “Choke on your pancakes.”

Marlena: “I’ve been meaning to tell you, that after you grow up and venture out on your own, that we would like for you to take our daughters with you, if you please.”

38Anger: “What.

Marlena: “Yeah, me and Happiness thinks it would be best for them to go out and see the world a bit.  They don’t do anything around here and it’s sad.  We’d like for them to get the most out of life by seeing more of the world.  Even if it’s just the other side of town.”

Anger: “This is some grade A handpicked, organic bullshit right here.”

39Marlena: “Well I tried decorating for Anger’s party.  All the party shop had was this one giant Prius balloon for sale.  Strange, but I guess we might as well use it.  Gotta do something with it since we have it anyway, you know?”

Wrath: “What’s funnier than a dead baby?  A dead baby in a clown costume.”

Marlena: “… My uncle’s wife is a psychiatric therapist.  Maybe I should set you up an appointment next week with her.”

40Drew: “Jealousy?!  Jealousy, my love, are you in here?!  Please, Jealousy, take me back!”

Marlena: “Nope, you just missed her.  We were all in here, but she just left.  Anger was trying to take a poo poo, but the bathroom is just so cool whenever someone wants to use it, we have to all come in here and check it out!  Were you even invited?”

41Anger: “Now that I’m finally free from that circus you’ve set up in front of the toilet, I wonder what I should wish for for my birthday…”

Marlena: “How about a clean running and efficient 2012 Prius for graduation!  It’s the car of the future, the car of America.  Now for only $250 down payment and $199 a month for the following month of October!”

42Anger: “I know!  I wish for you to piss off, Marlena!”

Marlena: “Oh nooooo!” *Pisses self*

Anger: “I meant piss off, not piss self, but that’s ok, I can accept this from the Birthday Fairies nonetheless.”

43Anger is now a man, and his new trait is inappropriate, so now he’ll probably laugh at his sister’s horrible jokes.

Wrath: “This balloon reminds me of a good one!  What’s red and goes around and around and around?”

Ophaniel: “Not that horrible baby in the dryer joke again!”

Anger: “Wooooow, I just now got that joke.  Heh.  Heh heh.”

44Anger: “Hey, it’s my estranged uncle, Envy!  Would you like to play a game of sim gnubb with me?”

Envy: “GREAT PARTY, LEAVING, SCREW YOU.”

45Anger: “There goes the greatest male role model I wish I had.”

Yeah, I’m sure.

46Before Anger was moved out though, I wanted to have them all do something together, since they never really did anything together.  Everyone went with Happiness on his work routine with the club, except Marlena because she got stuck in the bathroom and screw her.  Peace even got to come, but that’s just because Happiness didn’t want to put him down.

47Charity: “OOPS, sorry, I didn’t mean to push anyone out of the way on the way to the back of the club!  Because we can’t enter the front like civil people!  First one back to the back is the winner!”

Anger: “Your daughter is a horrible little shit of a child.  Look!  My arm’s been smashed into this concrete wall!”

Loyalty: *Is probably dead*

48Happiness: “Oh, so Charity didn’t win the race, you were already back here!  Say, where IS Charity anyway?”

Jealousy: “CHUNKED IN THE DUMPSTER, uuuuUGH, I DIDN’T WANT TO PISS MYSELF AGAIN, WHY”

49Happiness: “Who’s up for some Brazilian pop classics?! I think I know one song, so let’s get this show on the road!”

Anger: “He’s not a bad musician!  I don’t regret hating him though.”

Jealousy: “Well if you think that’s good, you two really do have shitty tastes in music.  I blame myself for letting him sing your lullabies when you were younger.  Better than me having to read to you guys, that’s for sure.”

51Jealousy: “This concert is going on too long!  Hey Happiness!  You’re a sack of crap!”

50Anger: “WHOA mom!  Right in the junk!  Daaaayum.  Good shot, he’s going to be a soprano for the rest of his life, that’s for sure.”

Wrath: “Wait, did he become a woman when you hit him with that ball?”

Jealousy: “Haha, NOW it’s a fun concert, kids.”

52Back at the house, the cat had his own birthday as well.

Mephistopheles: “GIVE ME 50 YARDS OF SPACE, OR THE CONSEQUENCES WILL BE CATASTROPHICAL”

Ophaniel: “Ok.  Heehee… Cat-astrophical.”

53Soon after coming back, Anger left, and took with him Loyalty and Charity.

Charity: “Are we going for a car ride!  I love car rides!  I always go with my parents and we always see fun things together.”

Loyalty: “Same here!  Sunday morning drives are the best!”

Anger: “Yeah.  You guys can say that we are going on a car ride…”

54They picked a house right across the street from the school, and I have no regrets kicking the kids out early.  They weren’t going to do anything, and they weren’t doing anything productive anyway.  Well, any more than the rest of them.

Loyalty: “So wait, I’m never going to go home again?  Would explain why my luggage was in the trunk.  But does this mean that I have to call the guy wearing gaucho glasses ‘daddy’ now?”

Anger: “You know just for that statement, you can sleep in the garage from now on.”

55Kicking them out freed just enough space for my game to not be a bitch about adding ghosts, so with some points, Jealousy bought a philosopher stone.  Screw Happiness’s opportunity, when I got this.

Move, Bald Elvis.

56Jealousy: “I call upon the power of the darkest magic to bring back my love from the dead!”

Mephistopheles: “Huh?  Why would you want me to bring back that nasty old thing?  He never did anything around here.”

Jealousy: “Not you, you stupid cat!”

57Edgardo: *FART* “Eh?  I’m back?  W-wow!  I knew Jealousy would come through for me!  What a wonderful wife!”

58Edgardo: “Thank you, my love!  Being a ghost is all weird, but I’m so happy you brought me back!  The kids are going to be ecstatic!  Where’s my little girl and where’s that handsome son of mine?”

Jealousy: “The boy is gone, his presence here was sacrificed for you, but that’s not important.”

59Edgardo: “I’ve waited all this time for you.  I knew you were the love of my life when I picked you over Meghan.  My loving wife, my little Jealousy…”

Jealousy: “Yeah yeah yeah, I gotta get that fiance tag off of you and start this again, so hold still.”

60Edgardo: “Do you think my ghostly hand will hold this ring up anymore?  I’d hate for it to fall through my hand and get lost in the grass.”

Jealousy: “No big deal, I just need it on your hand long enough to acknowledge you as my ghost husband, and then, we will see, once my life long dream will come true…”

Will her LTW be completed?  Will the game no longer even see Edgardo as a wealthy sim, because after all these loopholes, I wouldn’t be surprised if it would screw me over any more than it already has.  Will Charity and Loyalty come back?  Probably not.

61But speaking of ghost spouses, way to ruin your life Egret.  That is probably the worst decision I have ever seen in the history of this game.

Peace in my Heart

1Wrath: “What do you tell a cow holding up a line?!”

Cowplant: “Uh… I guess you tell it to moooove?”

Wrath: “No, you tell it it’s in a slaughter house!  Why else would a cow stand in line?!  Woo!”

Last chapter: THINGS.  I can’t really remember everything that happened other than Anger’s date with his own Aunt.  Which is strange, considering consecutively, I just wrote the last chapter hardly an hour ago.  Even though it wasn’t posted an hour after the last chapter.  Some sort of space time continuum stuff going down on my end I guess.

2Anger: “OH NO I’M STILL ON THE DATE WITH MY AUNT, AAAAAAAH”

Felisha: “Calm your shit, kid.  It’s not that big of a deal.”

3Anger: “I’m the type of brony that puts pony comments on youtube videos that have nothing to do with ponies, for no other reason other than to start shit.”

Felisha: “Wow, you really are your mother’s child after all.  You are the evilest one in that house as far as I’m concerned, for reals.”

4Apparently eldest Edgardo child, Everett, is currently dating Jada, whom I already have an eye on for next generation.  It’s not looking like a solid relationship either.

That’s alright.  It’s not like it’s going to last very long anyway.

5Jealousy: “Why the hell am I suddenly here.”

That’s a good question I would like you to answer for me, Jealousy. I was busy watching Happiness go through his 233343927837832nd sing-a-gram when I saw her icon moving really fast over the top of my screen.  When I went to check up on her and she was here.

Jealousy: “Do I want to sell all of Edgardo’s old broken bullshit or something?”

6Jealousy: “No, I’m apparently on a date, what is this shit, and why the hell do all the scientists in this town wear psychedelic lab coats for some reason?  First Gary and now you, Scott?”

Scott: “Please ignore my work clothes, Jealousy, I wanted to see you.  Heard you lost your husband, and wanted to say, that for a long time, I have loved you from afar.  I love you, Jealousy.”

Jealousy: “And I love blue.  Which I think that gem over there in the field is.  That’s more important right now.  Gotta go check and see if that shit is a sapphire or something.  Later, loser.”

7Happiness: “Must think of waterfalls, rushing down the mountains, flowing waters, purple majesty, amber waves of grain…”

I return to Happiness pissing.  Marlena could learn a thing or two probably.

8Happiness: “This isn’t fair!  I wanted to take a sponge bath in the girls bathroom but they won’t let me in the girls bathroom!  This is discrimination!”

No, that’s trauma prevention.  If you really have to sponge bathe, go do it in the boys bathroom, like you’re supposed to.

Or rather, don’t sponge bathe in public.  You’re not an unprivileged hobo, Happiness.

9Happiness: “This is so awkward.  At least in the girl’s bathroom, if a woman were to come in, it would just scare her off, or awkwardly turn into a stereotypically weird rom-com situation.  Here in the man’s bathroom, if a man walked in, it would just be awkward.”

What if it turned into a weird rom-com too?

Happiness: “It would still be extremely awkward.”

10Bear: “I AM HERE, HAPPINESS’ BIGGEST FAN AND I AM OOZING WITH JOY TO SEE HIS SHOW TONIGHT”

11Happiness: “Ah, slowing building the audience back up, ok good, maybe if I do good tonight, they’ll finally let me perform in the night club.  Or let me in the night club altogether.  Sponge bathing in the bathroom wasn’t the best idea after all.”

Letitia: *Is murdered by sudden spear of ice through the skull*

12Happiness: “Look!  I’m trying to do a show here!  Get off the stage and stop putting me back!  Gosh!”

Who are you yelling at?

13Mephistopheles?!  What the crap are you doing all the way here?!

Happiness: “Better yet, why are you on my stage!  I got a show to do!  Move cat!  Go home for pete’s sake!”

14YOU CAME ALL THE WAY HERE

ALL THE WAY TO THE KARAOKE BAR

JUST TO INVESTIGATE HAPPINESS LIKE HE’S A STRANGE SIM

YOU STUPID CAT

15Happiness: “I’m sorry folks, the show has to be postponed for a few moments, because our family cat has apparently followed me all the way from home.  I hate to do this, but I can’t focus with him here right now, so I’ll have to move him before I start singing.”

Mephistopheles: “I’m pretty sure this guy is a vampire, guys.”

16Happiness: “MEPHISTOPHELES.  FOR THE SECOND TIME, GO HOME!”

Mephistopheles: “I’m getting sleepy, Happiness.  Can you read me a bedtime story?”

Happiness: “CATS DON’T NEED BEDTIME STORIES!”

17Happiness: “Please excuse my fustration everyone.  The cat is stubborn, and I do not promote yelling at your pets.  Never ever.  I’m against animal abuse of all kinds.  I’m the Sarah McLachlan of vampires, I swear.”

Mephistopheles: *Scrunches up to take a dump on stage*

18Happiness: “WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME, I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS”

Mephistopheles: “Sorry, I had a big lunch.”

Whatever they are doing on stage, they are doing it right.  The audience seems to be eating it up.

19Mephistopheles: “Fine, I’m out of the way.  Do your thing already and let’s go home.  Hmm.  I wonder if that sim is some sort of mutant butterfly.  I bet I could kill that one just as easily as I can kill the regular ones.”

20Happiness: “CAT, WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY BACK THERE”

Turns out, that show actually got a really good review.  I suppose the audience enjoyed human-on-cat slapstick humor or something.”

21Happiness: “I guess I have you to thank for the good reviews Mephistopheles.  I guess it’s true, everyone loves cats.  Let’s go home, buddy.   See you later, Bear.  Hope you can come to my next show, and thanks for solidifying into an actual dog for the show.”

Bear: “No problemo.” *Spins ears really fast and takes off for home like a helicopter*

22Jealousy: “I would like for you to have these flowers.  You look good enough for me to spend $40 on overpriced flowers.  Appreciate them.”

Drew: “I do think these flowers are fantastic, Jealousy.  But don’t you need to be concerned about your cousin’s wife in labor over there?  She’s kinda screaming in pain and breaking water all over your kitchen floor.”

Jealousy: “Don’t worry about her, I’ll kill her later for ruining the floor.  Just for now, appreciate my flowers.  Do it.”

23Happiness came home in time to take Marlena to the hospital for the birth of their last child as far as I’m concerned, and this is baby Peace, their first son (in a sea of estrogen, I’m sure it’s a sight for sore eyes of Happiness).  Peace is a loner and he is a genius.  He might like meditation or yoga or something.  His favorites include songwriter music like daddy, dim sum, and green like his sister Charity, which is perfect, because he’s gonna be stuck sharing a room with her anyway.

And it seems that I like to type out his name as Pease at first.  This is going to be a long portion of the legacy, I can already see this.

24Loyalty: “I declare this royal court open, as we welcome the newest prince of peace into our little family.  He is quite literally, the Prince of Peace.  the Peace Prince.  Prince.  I love that guy’s music.  Daddy should sing his songs in his shows more often.”

25Happiness: “No one else in the family may like you because you are your mother’s little look-a-like, but you are my special little princess, and daddy does love you, Loyalty!”

Loyalty: “Aw, daddy!  You’re embarrassing me in front of the court!”

26Happiness: “But aren’t I your court?  You could never embarrass me sweetheart, you’re my baby girl!”

Loyalty: “Yay, daddy made the narrator cry!”

HE DID NOT, I JUST HAVE A FACE FULL OF SALTY WATER

WHO SPIT ON ME

27Anger: “We are about to stuff ourselves on four cakes, Wrath.  Do you think that eating macaroni and cheese is a good idea right now?”

Wrath: “Hey Anger.  What does this bowl and your pants have in common?  They both have tiny noodles.  Now get out of my face.  I want to eat, then I’m going to eat.  Go cry or something.”

28A four way birthday, and first up is Wrath.

Betel: “Gonna watch the mass caking?  I’m not.  I never do.  I’m not paid to care.”

Happiness: “Neither am I, small world.”

29Anger: “I’ll care, even though that joke about my noodle hurt my feelings.  I’m actually really torn up about that.”

Wrath: “Good, as long as your self esteem is destroyed, I can die happy.”

30Wrath: “Check it out!  I didn’t die!  I shed my old skin flawlessly and didn’t choke on it or get stuck in my old exoskeleton!  Whew, that was a close call too!”

Wrath grew up in her bathing suit, and is now unlucky.  Which might actually be a pretty lucky trait.  Since she’s going to be instant heiress anyway, now I don’t have to worry about accidental deaths screwing anything up with her.

31Loyalty: “I should have confided with the royal court on what I should wish for growing up.”

Wrath: “Hey what do vampire babies and goldfish have in common?  They both die when I leave them to flop around on the sidewalk in the sun.  It might happen, Loyalty.  Because no one cares about your wishes.”

32Charity: “INTERRUPTION TIME!  I STINKY POO POOP!  WAAAAAAAAAAH”

Betel: “Yep.  This kid is screaming.  Not sure why.  Not going to do anything about it.  Such is the life of a bone maid.”

At least get out of the way and let Happiness take her, Betel, you are so useless today.

33Marlena: “Yay, my daughter is actually pretty cool!  And she doesn’t suck like her mother as much!  And she can’t stand art to boot!  Which is fine, we don’t have a lot of art to get angry at anyway!”

34Happiness: “Next is you, little Charity.  I’m sorry I wasn’t really there for you in your toddlerhood, but I think you’ll be fine anyway.”

Jealousy: “Hey Happiness.  Everyone stopped caring, in case you haven’t noticed.”

Loyalty: “She does have a point, daddy.”

Happiness: “Look at the look on my face.   Do you think I care either, really?  Really.”

35Face clone of Loyalty, without the vampirism.  Heavy sleeper.  Moving on.

36Marlena: “They have birthdays, they get to stay out of school for the day!  But not you!  Why are you still here?!  Classes started an hour ago, and you are late!  Go to time out, and don’t come out until you are sorry for playing hooky like this, Anger!”

Jealousy: “I sense someone trying to raise my children without my consent.  About to beat a bitch down over here.”

37Anger: “You aren’t my mother!”

Marlena: “Yeah well I’m the authority, and you are about to be grounded on top of that so go to the corner, chop chop!”

38Jealousy: “You listen and you listen good, bitch!  You do NOT raise your voice at my children, and you do NOT tell them how to behave, you hear me?!  Anger is my kid, and I will punish him for cutting class when I’m good and damn ready to!  Don’t you DARE even THINK about talking to my son that way, or I’ll make sure you take a nice long dirt nap!  Don’t test me, Marlena.  I killed a man before.”

39Marlena: “Yeah yeah.  Whatever, Jealousy, when you’re done playing Family Matriarch Slave Driver, I’ll be the one raising the children.  Ok, good, have a good day, ma’am.”

Jealousy: “Oh, you REALLY want to test me?!  You REALLY WANT TO DO THAT, MARLENA?!  YOU, raise the children?  That’s a fucking laugh, because the last time I checked I took care of my toddlers, instead of pissing all over their nursery rooms the majority of their lives!  You are about to get your shit broke, and that’s not a joke.  Try me again, Marlena.  Go on.  I will kill you.”

Anger: *sniff, cry* I miss my daddy and grandmommy…”

40Marlena: “Yeah, you go eat some cake.  Calm yourself down.  Humph.  Empty threats will get you nothing but sent to the nut house, that’s for sure.”

Jealousy: “Bitch better be grateful I’m such a cakeaholic.  I wanna cut someone.  And not just this cake.”

Anger: “Why does my life suck so much?”

41Happiness: “Time for the last birthday!  It’s the birthday boy, Peace!  Everyone, time for our littlest one to grow!”

Everyone: *Suddenly cares about birthdays again*

Charity: “Oh what is this shitake”

Peace’s birthday is technically a day early, but I can’t deal.  I’m too anxious, and must know if he’s a clone or not.  If he is, whatever, he’s the last child, like I said.  We’ll just pick from what we’ve got and move on.  I’m fine.  But I must.  KNOW.

42Happiness: “Alright Peace, all the attention is on you.  All our hopes and dreams.  We’re counting on you kid.  If you screw up it’s ok.  We’ll still love you and care for you.  I think.”

All the women: *Nervous horn blowing*

Peace: *Sweats frantically*

Me: *Sweats frantically*

Anger: *Claps nervously*

Betel: *No shits*

Ophaniel: *What*

43Did not expect the blonde baby.  In a family full of black haired children in every nook and cranny, this is actually a sight for sore eyes.

But when I first saw Peace, I got angry.  I had to get up and get away from my computer, because I was very sure that he was another fucking Marlena clone.

But to make 100% sure, I compared him to his father’s baby photo.

44AND LO AND BEHOLD: IT’S DIVERSITY!

Peace has a lot of his mother’s looks but he has his father’s nose!  IT’S A MIX

I CAN’T

IT WAS ALMOST TWO IN THE MORNING WHEN THIS HAPPENED

DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITED I WAS ABOUT A PIXELATED CHARACTER’S NOSE?

I HAVE A PROBLEM

The Pity Date

1Anger: “Daddy why, I’m not ready to move on without a father figure in my life, I just got over grandmother 😦 and now this, why did you have to become a volunteer astronaut and get launched on a no-return mission to Mars?!”

Wrath: “A great man he was.  Before he was sacrificed to the volcano gods of a tribe in the jungle where he was doing missionary work for, I remember he had sent me a letter, telling me how proud he was of me, and if he never returned, that I should take over as the man of the house for him, and murder my enemies in the name of my father.”

LAST CHAPTER

Edgardo finally died in his chamber under the house.  Everyone is suddenly sad.  Also, Brave had a birthday, and Charity had a birthday.  Also, Charity revealed to the world that she is another clone of her mother.  I have become extremely angry at my sims.  For shit’s sake.  Last generation all the kids had a mix of genes.  This generation has seen only one genetic mix out of a herd of five kids.  That’s FOUR clones.

That being said, I have thought about it, and I think I’m going to bar clones from heirship from now on except under extreme emergencies.  How would everyone feel about that?  Anyone got anything to say about that?  Because I am furious.

2Betel: “And I am ecstatic!  A death in the family!  Everyone is going to be so upset that they won’t notice that I stopped doing work around the house!”

Toilet: *Suffers*

Jealousy: “I will forever remember your loving embrace, Edgardo.  My love.  My first wonderful husband.  Ok, enough grieving.” *Moodlet Manages her mourning to death*

3Marlena: “Oh Edgardo!  I miss you so much that my body has stopped working.”

Loyalty: “I think that that’s probably you just not wanting to go in the bathroom.  Maybe that’s just me thinking out loud or something.”

No Marlena, that’s NOT THE PROPER WAY TO GRIEVE

I’M STARTING TO REALLY REGRET YOU

4Drew: “I already here”

Ophaniel: “Who be you”

See, look.  Jealousy’s already moving on.

5Jealousy: “Welcome to my humble abode!  We’re still adjusting to our loss, but I feel so much better now that you are here, Drew.  I also feel better now that I evaporated all my bad moodlets out of my panel, but I’ll give you credit for making my day so much better.”

Drew: “I tend to bring that level of serenity where ever I go.  I am an amazing man.”

Jealousy: “That you are.”

6WHOA JEALOUSY, SLOW YOUR ASS DOWN

You’re still just FRIENDS with this man right now!

Jealousy: “I don’t have time to beat around the bush.  If this man has a dollar on him, I got to weed it off of him before it’s too late.”

Drew: “God I’m so broke, honestly.”

7Anger: “You aren’t my father.”

Drew: “I don’t want to be your father.  If I have to be your friend, sure.  But yeah, don’t ever even think about me as a dad.  Call me Drew.”

8Jealousy: “Say a damn thing that will ruin this for me, and say goodbye to living with us forever.  You can go live in the dump yard across the street.”

Anger: “This is bull.”

9Happiness: “Being my favorite, don’t tell the other girls, haha, I only want the best for my Brave.”

Yeah I’ll second this.  She doesn’t do anything around the house anyway, so it’ll be nice to have one less kid in the house to have to care for at the moment.

10Happiness: “Yes, I would love to enroll my daughter in your wonderful school, all while ignoring my youngest toddler passed out on the floor.  She is literally growing up in that one spot on the floor, and I find that funny.”

11But first, prom, as that was the whole reason I let her grow up early.

Brave: “I’m so gracious to get to go to the prom with my favorite cousin, Anger!  Oh this is going to be such a treat!”

Anger: “I knew I should have gotten lost on my way out of the bathroom and stayed to cry about my father tonight.”

11Brave: “Well I gave it a shot.  Can’t say I didn’t try.  Not sure why everything thinks that’s funny though.  Sticks and stones, people.”

12Anger: “NOT DANCING WITH YOU”

Brave: “Oh just stop being a baby, this will be fun!  Ignore the people laughing, I don’t know what their problem is.”

13Anger: “Bitch.  Humph, whatever. …I miss my daddy.”

14

15

16These two notifications came up next to each other, and they make me think that their names were probably switched at birth.

Anger: “I’M NOT CRYING BECAUSE THAT BITCH IS A BITCH.  I JUST MISS MY FATHER.”

17

18And that was prom.

19Happiness: “WOW.  Charity that was amazing.  You moved two whole spaces to the left of the hallway.”

Betel: “I’m a proud independent dead woman who don’t need no chores!” *Stomps all over last weeks garbage*

20ALRIGHT GUYS, ONE MORE TIME

ONE MORE BABY AND I SWEAR EVEN IF IT’S A CLONE, I’M DONE

WE’LL JUST HAVE A CLONE RUN GEN THREE AND I CAN GET OVER IT

21Bed: “NO MORE TESTS, I CAN’T STAND THIS ANYMORE GLADOS, I’M BUSTING OUT”

22Evalin: “Sike, it’s me, and for the record, that Marlena woman is pregnant for a reason, and that reason ain’t Happiness.  Mama knows how to really rock a bed, if you know what I be saying here.”

Jealousy: “Mom, please leave.”

23Happiness: “It’s so nice to finally have someone in this house who knows how to play second player.  I tried with Marlena, I really did, but if she launches my robot into another pit, I was going to scream.”

Drew: “Yeah, I’m good at this game!  Friendship!”

Happiness: “By the way, where are your pants?”

Drew: “It’s best you don’t know.  I wouldn’t even ask if I were you.”

24Marlena: “Happiness!  How can you play games at a time like this?!  Our good friend Edgardo is dead somewhere probably and you don’t seem to care!”

Happiness: “Because it’s not our deal, Marlena, now GET AWAY from the tv!  I can’t see what I’m doing and I swear to Gordon Freeman if I’m standing in front of a turret…”

Drew: “Really where are my pants?  I think that Anger boy might have stolen them from the bedroom floor and thrown them away, that little brat…”

25Marlena: “Indecent!  Do you really go up in other people’s houses and go around half nude around their families!  That’s disgraceful and I won’t take that kind of behavior around my children!”

Drew: “Yeah well you’re just a selfish old bitch now aren’t yo-”

Loyalty: “GWAAAAAAAAH EDGARDO IS DEAD NEW GUY, DID YOU KNOW EDGARDO IS DEAD, DID YOU KNOW, KNOW IT

Happiness: “No, this is fine, GLadOS was saying my robot was doing the better job anyway.”

26Marlena: “YOU DISGUST ME AND I HOPE YOU LEAVE SOON and at the same time I’m developing a crush on you, curse your handsomeness.”

Drew: “Whoa lady, what the shit?”

Loyalty: “Ew just get married and get it over with already you two.”

Ophaniel probably: “But isn’t your dad still in the room?  Ok maybe he’s not paying attention, nevermind.”

27Brave was gone off to boarding school fresh and early in the morning, and with that, I wish her luck.  Make us proud, kid.

28Jealousy: “I’m so sorry my cousin’s bitch gave you such a hard time about your clothing, love.  Sometimes she gets lost on her way to the bathroom and takes it out on innocent people like you.”

Loyalty: “EDGARDO WAS INNOCENT, HE WAS INNOCENT SOUL, AND NOW WE CAN’T FIND HIM”

Jealousy: “I’m also sorry her brat has been screaming in your ear about a trauma that doesn’t really involve her.  Embarassing, I know, I do apologize.”

29Ah!  Well that came out of no where.

30Anger: “What is this?  Some sort of joke?!  What woman wants to go out with me?!  Some bastard from school has to be playing a prank on me!  And I’m going to set them on fire when I find out who.”

Aw come on, Anger.  It might be fun.  Might make you stop sucking so much.  Go on the date, might be something interesting.

Anger: “And be humiliated when the school’s quarterback is just setting me up for a trap, no thanks, I’m not even going to bother.”

It’s a date or a night taking care of Charity and her crap.

31Anger: *Super duper quick clothing change* “Alright, going out on a date for the next 5 hours.  You’re on your own kid.”

Charity: “Diaper poopy!  BOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!”

Anger: “Whew, dodged a bullet there.”

32Anger: “Wow, it really is a chick!  And she’s filled out as hell!  DAMN!  I’m gonna get all up in that tonight!”

I think someone’s trying to cougar her way into a teenager’s pants.  Of course I don’t have that modded in my system, so it looks like this date’s going to be stuck as a regular old “hang out”.

33Felisha: “Wow.  No really, wow.  Did he really wear groucho glasses on this date or what?  Who does that?!”

34Felisha: “No wait, oh my God.  That’s his actual face.  This poor poor child.”

OH, I never noticed it until she thought of it in front of him, but holy shit.  Poor Anger really does look like he’s wearing groucho glasses.  I didn’t even intend for that to happen.

35Felisha: “(No I got to stop staring at them, it’ll make him self conscious, I’m sure of it!  Ask him about his day, ask him about his life or something, Felisha!) It’s a nose night out tonight, right (SHIT)”

Anger: “Uh, yeah I guess?”

36Felisha ran away the second he started bawling for his father.

Anger: “MY DAD IS GONE, AND MY MOM IS CRAZY, AND DREW IS A DICK, AND IT’S NOT A NICE NIGHT, AND MY LIFE IS A WRECK, AND I STILL MISS GRANDMOTHER SOOOOOOOOB”

37Anger: “Must bounce back from this date!  I’m gonna do better, I promise!  Bitches like it when you point out how fat they are right?!  It means I’m paying attention!  I’m gonna do that right now!”

Yeah, that’ll make this date much better.

38Anger: “Getting a little fluffy there, ain’t you?!  If you really want to go on a date with me, you should work that tub off, Felisha!”

Felisha: “Wow, I didn’t know you were even paying attention!  You are so right, and I should get back into shape right away!  Thanks for caring, Anger!”

Gary: “Are you kidding me, did that really work?”

39During the confrontation, I found out that Anger is on a date with his AUNT.  Oh yeah.  That’ll make this date even better, I’m sure.

41I nosied around, and that’s how I found out that Edgardo had three other siblings.  Also Felisha is just married into the family as an aunt.  So it’s not AS BAD of a deal.  Barely.

42Gary: “What the hell is wrong with you?  Taking your nephew out on a date?! Are you mad?”

Felisha: “Look Gary, I’m just taking him out because I heard he’s having a bad time about accepting that his missing father isn’t coming back.  I’m just trying to show him a good time and help him out in his time of need, I’m not trying to “start some relationship” with my husband’s brother’s kid.  It’s just a pity date, that’s all.”

Anger: “YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE THAT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, THAT STILL HURTS”

43Happiness was somewhere nearby so that Anger could have his date without the psychic curfew police coming around screwing shit up, and after the date fell through, Happiness jumped in to help console the emotionally destroyed Anger.

Happiness: “We are family/ I take care of everyone like they’re my own babies~”

Anger: “We are family/ Marlena’s probably sitting in her own pee~”

44The night ended with Happiness eating Felisha’s arm off by accident and Anger was bored enough to read a book on logic.

Anger: “I’m more at peace now about the absence of my father.  I suppose I’m about ready to accept it and move on.  Maybe life isn’t that bad, even though I had I hang out with my dorky uncle who bit my date, who turned out to be my aunt.  But yeah.  I think life’s gonna be ok.”

The Cask of Amarillo: Part Two

1Edgardo: “So, uh, it’s been a while.  Haven’t heard anything up there in a few hours.  Maybe a few days, I don’t know, I’ve lost all track of time down here.  Starting to worry a little too.  What if my wife failed to lead that vampire down here?  What if he was on to us?!  What if he killed my wife, or worse, what if he’s already gone and killed everyone?!  Including my children?  I don’t like not knowing!  What could that bastard be doing to everyone up there?!”

2Jealousy: “Hah!  Paper beats rock, Happiness!  That was the best two out of three, and I had all three!  You have to change your own kid’s diaper today, loser!”

Happiness: “What?!  That’s not fair!  Well, it’s totally fair, but I thought with my mind reading powers, I would have at least had an advantage!”

Mephistopheles: “Happiness, you can’t even burn in the sunlight correctly as a vampire, much less be any kind of useful with your other vampire powers.”

3Ok so last chapter Jealousy tricked her husband Edgardo into being locked up in a vault in the backyard by telling him about a plot to murder Happiness.  Edgardo happily fell for it, and is currently still in the backyard with the gravestones and garden, a very well placed area for the vault, quiet and undisturbed.

I like to think that Jealousy told the family that Edgardo finally hit it big with the band and went on a road trip, and the building in the backyard was just a pump house and a garden shed.  Nothing important, nothing to worry about.

4Jealousy: “YOU WENT FROM AN A TO A D IN ONE DAY, ANGER?!  YOU LITTLE SHIT, I DIDN’T RAISE AN INCOMPETENT MORON IN THIS HOUSE YOU KNOW! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU FAIL SO HARD?!”

Anger: “It’s not me!  I swear it’s the school system!  Actually I know that, for a fact, it is literally the school system.”

And I hate that system.  It takes 444 weeks to get on the honor roll, but one day of hooky to turn into a failing delinquent of society?  Yeah, that completely sounds about right.

Jealousy: “YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER COMES HOME FROM WHATEVER OIL RIG HE’S WORKING ON RIGHT NOW”

Anger: “I thought it was with the band in Illin-”

Jealousy: “AND YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR A FORTNIGHT”

5Anger: “If grandmother was here, this wouldn’t be happening.”

If your grandmother was here, she’d be pissing herself in her bedroom as usual.  So get over it, dude.

6Betel: “Welp, I was going to mop that, but seeing as Ophaniel won’t get out of the way, I guess I’ll just leave it here.  We could use a swimming pool anyway around here.”

Marlena: “We aren’t going to blame this puddle on me, are we?!  We don’t even know if it’s me or not.”

It is you, Marlena.  It’s always you.

7You know what?

Why the hell not.

8Drew: “Hello, I’m Drew!  I’m glad to meet you, Mrs. Fallen!  I saw your ad in the paper advertising your deceased ex husband stuff for sale, but then I saw your picture next to it, and of all things you were selling, I had to see what you were about!  Wait, no, that sounded better in my head.  See, ha ha, I’m not “buying” you, if that’s what you think!  No, hahaha!  I don’t pay for that kind of stuff!  Wait, I’m not saying I get it for free either.  Oh, just… do you want to go to a restaurant or something now?”

9Jealousy: “I’ll ignore your idiotic blundering if you are paying.  I mean, you do have money, right?  A lot of money?  Only a rich kid like you would wear such a preppy little shirt, after all.”

Drew: “Yes, well, maybe”

10Marlena had to inturrupt by aging up into the unchanging adult stage in the bathroom, right up next to the door where I have to take the walls down to see her, in the dark shade of the full moon, with a broken leg.  Would you like to join Edgardo where he is, Marlena?

11Happiness: “WOOOOOOOW!  A full house tonight!  This is wonderful!  I know only one person is really watching me right now, and I think it’s out of pity, but I can do this!  I can woo this whole audience, and finally get a good performance review!  It’s been so long since I’ve had one!”

12Happiness: “I wonder if anyone in the audience knows the lyrics to the Harlem Shake.”

And that’s probably why he managed to get such a terrible review after all.  Woe is me.

13Edgardo: “Whoa whoa whoa!  what the hell just happened?  Where’d the staircase go?!  Why did that suddenly pull out and evaporate into thin air?!”

Because you were being a big baby about it, clogging up your way to the door, yelling constantly about it, trying to go to work or whatever.  Honey.  I hate to break it to you.  But you aren’t going to work for a long, long time.

14Drew: “I had a fabulous time with you tonight, Jealousy.  I hope we get to do this again.”

Jealousy: “Hey, after you paid for the whole evening, I hope we get to do this again soon as well.”

15Happiness, still in denial about his midlife crisis, wanted to workout until he was fatigued, so I sent him back to the gym, where in hardly half an hour, he went from no skill points, stuck in a rut, to a nice instant level four.

Happiness: “Well I would suspect so, being that I should be compensated from the time when I didn’t skill up at all!  Finally being a vampire is paying off!  Mephistopheles can sit on it!”

16Edgardo: “No ladder, no return from Jealousy, and now suddenly someone threw a tub down here with no warning?!  That could have crushed me!  Why hasn’t anyone sent for me yet?!”

Edgardo got a tub addition because he was smelling bad and wetting himself, and I know he’s being killed as we speak, but I would hate for him to have to die with stink lines around him.  Give him SOME sort of decency at least.

17Selena: “Fresh baked vampire child for sale!  A delicious new addition to your Thanksgiving table!”

Karrie: “Yo, Hannibal.  You ain’t funny.”

And neither is Loyalty.

18Jealousy: “YOU HAVEN’T MANAGED TO PULL THAT D UP IN ONE DAY?!  YOU GET THE D AND NOW YOU CAN’T GET RID OF THE D!  STOP BRINGING HOME THE D!”

It’s actually a real shame to see how low Anger brought down his good grades.

19It’s also a real shame to see this happen to you, Jealousy.

Jealousy: “NO!  This can’t be!  I had everything under control as always, I’m always on top of my game when it came to my own self control!  Bah, now I’m no better than these other imbeciles running around the house.”

20Happiness: “Wow, I can just go all day and night on this thing, huh.  Level 7 and not a single ounce of exhaustion.”

Well, I see this wish isn’t getting done any time soon.  I guess because he’s a vampire, he can’t ever get fatigued.  Unless I’m glitching.  Either way, Happiness wasn’t getting tired.

21Jealousy: “If you grow up a clone of your parents, say goodbye to any kind of love in this household, you little brat!”

As rude as that kinda is, I agree with Jealousy.  I get one more clone in this house, I am going to eat a cactus.

22Charity: *Sparkle fart*

Jealousy: “Aaaannnnnnnd, it’s a Marlena clone.  I bet this one is never going to be seen in photos ever again.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME

THREE CLONES

TWO MARLENA CLONES

*ANGRILY FLIES OFF INTO SPACE, CRASH LANDS IN DEATH VALLEY TURNING ALL THE SAND INTO GLASS AND CRIES GROSSLY*

But in all seriousness, I did have to stop the game for a while and eat a snack out of anger.

Anger: “DON’T BE EATING THINGS OUT OF ME”

23Happiness: “I guess the reviews from last time have gone around town again…”

If you think this is bad, wait until you go home and see that your youngest child is another clone.

Happiness: “Sigh, when this day couldn’t get any worse.”

24Wrath: “What did the stormtrooper clone say to his stormtrooper clone sibling?  He said ‘you are a fucking disgrace to the family.  Way to be boring, you ass.'”

Loyalty: “Hah!  That’s pretty good!  You know some really funny jokes, Wrath!”

Wrath: “That wasn’t really a joke.  You really are a lame ass.  That vampirism isn’t going to save you.”

25Happiness: “I feel so buff, but I still feel a little crow’s foot in the corner of my left eye!  What a terrible evening this is!  But I’m not having a crisis, if that’s what you think!  No!”

In the end, I had to delete that busted moodlet out of his panel, because it was giving him a bad mood, and his crisis wish to “be fatigued” definitely wasn’t going anywhere anyway.

Happiness: “But I wasn’t having a crisis!  Never!  Not for a long long time will I ever have one!”

Either way, your busted Not-Crisis is gone.  Now how about you stop blubbering, and move on with your life already.

26Edgardo: “I’d like to move on with my life.  But I’m starting to think that I’m the only one left here.  Maybe everyone in town is dead at this point.  It’s like that episode of the Twilight Zone with the guy stuck in his bomb shelter while the town was trapped under a quarantine bubble.  I am the last of my kind.  Once I break out of here, I’m going to be like Will Smith in I Am Legend, aren’t I?”

No.  It will be nothing like that.

27Jealousy: “Bad news bears, son.  I’m afraid your father is never coming home.  I think the crabbing boat he was on in Alaska has sunk in a storm/Kajiu attack.  He’s probably dead now, so I think we all need to carry on around here, and move towards the future.  And the future starts with the insurance company.”

28Jealousy: “Hello Debra.  I’m calling today to finally cash in on my dead husband’s policy.  Yep, pretty sure this isn’t a drill today, hon.”

Anger: “Wait, dad’s not here?”

29Let’s have a quick birthday for Brave today.  Prom’s tonight, and it would be nice if she got to go before 8 PM happens.

Happiness: *Has better things to do, like breaking the front door down*

Charity: *Apparently hasn’t moved since last night*

30Liam: “What a beautiful grandchild.  At least I think she’s our grandchild.  Looks nothing like us.”

Brave: “While I know Charity exists in the corner grandpa, please.  Go back to your grave.  Stop checking up on us.  We love you.  Now go away already.”

31Edgardo: “I just thought of something!  What about my band?  What about my life as a famous future hit composer?!  Didn’t that matter to anyone?!  Please!  Someone tell me that was important to someone other than just me!”

Any second now…

32Brave is now a pretty young Happiness clone lady, with proper as her new trait, which may have effected her look, since she also picked out her own hair and clothing.  Which I think is very cute on her, so I let her keep it.  It’s rare when a sim picks their own decent hair and outfit.

Ophaniel: “Am I the only one who smells death around here?  Yeah, it’s probably just my butt smelling, but seriously, something’s smells like it’s dying…”

33Edgardo: “Organs… shutting down… My hopes!  My dreams!  My wife and children!”

34Edgardo: “IS THIS THE END OF EDGARDO VANDERBURG FALLEN?!  DO I NOT GET MY VENGEANCE!”

35*Pathetic pissy whiny noise*

RIP you poor baby.

36Death: “Oh my.  Well, it’s a lot cleaner than the toaster in the bathtub scenario I was expecting.”

If it was possible, I’m pretty sure Jealousy would have already done THAT ages ago.

37Edgardo: “Please no!  Death, I can’t die yet!  I demand vengeance!  I demand revenge on the one that has done this to me!  I still must find that vampire, and kill him, for killing my family, and inevitably, killing me!  Happiness must die!”

Edgardo: “Uh, no?  Happiness had nothing to do with your death.  This was Jealousy’s doing, you know.”

38Edgardo: “Death, what do you mean?  Jealousy was my wife, she didn’t mean for me to die, surely!”

Death: “Nooo, I’m pretty sure she’s plotted this from the beginning.  Dude, she’s been wanting you dead for ages now, in case you haven’t noticed.”

Edgardo: “What?  I don’t understand, Death.  How can this be?”

Death: “Dude, you’re valuable.  That life insurance policy is valuable.  I mean, it took longer for Jealousy to kill you off than I thought, but I expected for her to make it look like an accident.  Never in a hundred years did I expect for her to make you completely dissappear.  And right under her own house too.  How crafty.”

39Edgardo: “My… own wife.  How can this be…”

Death: “You have plenty of time to mull over the obvious signs you missed while in your grave.  Now come on, I haven’t got all day.”

40Happiness: “No!  Why do I suddenly have this heavy feeling in my heart all of a sudden?  I know Edgardo has been in prison for so long, but suddenly I miss him, and for some reason know I will never see him again!”

Wrath: “No daddy!  Please come back from your expedition in Antarctica!  I feel a sudden departure of your soul, and honestly I think that you were kicked into an icy crevasse by Emperor Leonidas, played by a penguin Gerard Butler, and really, that’s just funny as shit.”

Anger: “I’m confused as hell.”

41Jealousy: “I do miss Edgardo.  I do.  Sleeping alone is so sad.  Cry, tear, sob.”

Loyalty: “I’m sorry?  Yeah well can I bathe now?  Please?  This is awkward.”

42Death: “Oh cut the llamashit!  You know as well as I do that you aren’t sorry that he’s dead!”

I’m sorry?  You talking to me?

43Death: “Yes, I’m talking to you!  You think I’m here because he’s dead, that’s true, but I’m not the true death here!  You are!”

44Death: “With your whole boohoo routine about, “waaah, I didn’t want Edgardo to die, I liked Edgardo, I wish Jealousy didn’t have to kill him for her LTW”, well guess what!”

45Death: “You’re the reason Jealousy’s LTW IS what it IS!  You picked it, so it’s your fault he’s dead, lady!  You’re the real killer here! Not Jealousy, not me, you!”

I think it’s time you went back into your little void of nothingness, Death.  I don’t like it when you guys try to break the fourth wall anyway.

46Anyway, Jealousy ordered a little tombstone for her husband who was “MIA”, and set it outside the “garden shed” in his honor, so that when the family wanted to miss him, there was something still around to represent Edgardo’s presence in the family.

Also, we suddenly have our first gnome, balding Elvis.  Hello.