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When it Rains, We get Rainbows

Last chapter there were several birthdays, including Agony’s passage into adulthood.  She got no important traits, and is kinda stale.  Peace also had his birthday and will soon no longer be heir either.1In other sims news, I decided to revamp my simself up a bit, since I really haven’t changed her look since the sims 2.  Since I have been rocking a black sweater and jeans for probably over 12 years now, I switched up a bit.

Ironically, I actually cut my hair for the first time since I was a little girl a few months back, so the hairstyle is out of date.  But I downloaded it specifically because it looked just like my hair at the time, and I’ll be damned if I only use it once for a holloween event.

I’m happy with this one.  Won’t upload it, since it’s just the same old thing with a new can of paint, but I like my new look a lot.  I may insert myself into town one day, but maybe not now since I might move the family before too long.2Enough gushing on about me. We here for the sims that matter!  Isn’t that right… Arwing… carrying an open umbrella in her mouth…
3Arwing: “TASTY NYLON TAFFETA”

I would say its not healthy for her, but what do I know about her dietary habits.
4Marlena: “Yes!  Angela left one out just for me!  Now I’m going to learn how to crack this egg, and make an omlette!”

I hope her stupid ass has fun with that.5Serenity: “I’m gradurmurating.”

Happiness: “Everyone has to hop into the trunk.  As long as the limo is, it can only fit three people I believe.  But trust me, the trunk has a plasma tv so it’s the better sitting choice!”

Peace: “Can’t we take something more beneficiary  to us, like the MM?  I was hoping we’d all ride in it like I tried to command us all to do, but as usual, I get ignored.”

Its a dream I have too.6Especially when drivers like this happen.

Peace: “I need the MM right about NOW anyway, I have massive WHIPLASH”7Happiness: “Lets DO THIS THING!  I really want to get back in time for my soaps.”

Peace: “Dad, please wait!  Some of us are old and can’t keep up!  And some of us are still having problems loading in.”

Serenity: *Decomposes*

Wrath: “I can’t wait to be dead :)”8Peace: “The proudest day of my life.  Watching the girls I raised and the girls I help raise graduate at the surprisingly average top of their class and succeed in life!  Me and your Auntie Cynthia are so proud of you, Agony!  You are going to go so far!”

Agony: “I am the one that wants death now.”9Peace was so overexcited that he short circuited and passed out.  See, this is why I wanted an MM instead of a limo, but DOES ANYONE LISTEN? NOOO

Cynthia: “We were given a fair warning yes.  But really, do you rather be seen rolling up in a stretch limo, or a bootleg Scooby Doo mystery machine?”

Justice: “To be fair… we didn’t roll up in the limo.  We crashed it.”10Agony: “Woot WOO!  So glad I managed to pass advanced calculus and can’t wait to use my gained knowledge to raise children and die of old age like my ancestors before me! Legacy living ROCKS!”

Way to make it sound so unintresting, Agony.  If you’re really good, I’ll look into getting you an electric car if it will shut you the hell up. 11I TRIED to get everyone to ride down the block in the MM, AGAIN, because everyone was whining about something.  They all RAN down to the other side of the consignment store and continued to whine instead of getting in the STUPID VAN, GWAIUOHFDSK

Peace: “I just wanted to not be tired!  I just wanted to chill for a second, not run a marathon two blocks down from the school!”

Wrath: “Hey, I got some herbs for you that will chill you the fuck down, but you need to stop crying first.”

Justice: “Suddenly I don’t feel like I should be here.”12So I MM commanded them to the nightclub, on the OTHER side of town, so their lazy asses would not be tempted to run, and would for once, get into the van they apparently hate so much.  The only person at the club is a pregnant playboy bunny in her comfy loafers.

Larissa: “Can’t wear 6 inch heels while in my 3rd trimester!  The rib-tight corset is enough as it is.”13Peace: “Its that time again!  Ladies and… well really just lady.  I’m about to turn this droll club into a, uh, roll…ing club.  Listen, I’ll buy everyone drinks and play some Usher, let’s just get some life in this place!”14Proprietor: “Why am I even serving you drinks, Larissa?  Aren’t you pregnant?  Don’t you care about the wellbeing of your unborn child?!”15Larissa: “This is what I think of your “concern”.” *Reached over and knocks over one drink, really Larissa where’s your manners*

Proprietor: “Why, this is my only clean white shirt”16Larissa: “Fine, let me pick it back up and unspill it from your shirt.  Jeez, everyone is a whiner.”

Proprietor: “And you um… brought your daughter to the club with you?”

Larissa: “Do you know how hard it is to find a babysitter?  Especially on a third shift?  Look, you didn’t even know she was hiding in the back of a supply closet until the dude bought all of us drinks so serve up.”17Proprietor: “No, you’re like 9!  Don’t take that, I’m not about to serve a minor!”

Ethel: “Hey.  I’ve been stuck in a locker since the beginning of her shift, and if she was your mother, you’d want to have a drink too.  Now serve up, I will not take no for an answer.”

Proprietor: “I want a new job.”
18By the way, the rest of the team, NATURALLY, did not follow Peace in the MM.  That would have required them to actually GET IN the MM.  Nothing I can do for them now.  Nothing I want to do for them actually.  Bunch of lazy piss asses.

Cynthia: “Anyone remember red hands from back in the day?  Now that was a fun game.  We definetely should bring that back in a future DLC.”

Justice: “Mom, we’re never getting red hands back.  They ended the Sims 3 DLC programs ages ago.  We’re hardly getting updates anymore.  The end is nigh.  Can I please change out of my prom dress now?”19Then across town Tyrone grew up and I just HAD TO.  HURRRNNGGG

Tyrone: “WHO HAS CHICKEN NUGGETS”

Grape: *Is extremely fed up with this bullshit*20He more or less has a flat bed trailer for a lip.

Tyrone: “E”
21Don’t worry about the family though, they found their way home eventually.

Happiness: “Don’t mind me.  Just throwing myself out with the garbage, like I should have done a long time ago… now that I think about it though, I should flush myself down the toilet, I now feel that’s more fitting for something like me.”

Maybe he’s hitting that midlife crisis after all.

22Since Peace is only going to be heir for a few more days, he was to spend the remainder of those days cranking out work for his wishes.  He wants some heavy stacked ones so he better start doing better than this.

Peace: “Darn 5 ton block of stone crumbled because of this half pound worth of bloodstone!  It’s so much work to trek back up the side of the mountains to get another block!”
23Cynthia: “WHOA that was a sudden camera pan over.  I think it gave me a headrush.”

Agony: “Who knew my tits would look this good in my sleepwear… huh, did you say something, Cynthia?”24Cynthia: “Oh no, the head rush is really me dying!  Help be Baal, do something!”

Ariel: “Yeah, you aren’t going to make it.  You’re hallucinating so much you think I’m the dog?  RIP, old lady.”25Happiness: “Yeah, that’s a pretty hardcore hallucinating.  Considering Baal just got here.”

Cynthia: “Hey, not the concern right now??”26Justice: “Do something grandpa!  I’m only 16 and she hasn’t even seen me graduate, or get married, baby sat her grandkids, etc-”

Happiness: “What would I do, Justice?  I never died before, I don’t know what to do in this situation.”27Justice: “Please, Mr. Death.  Don’t take my mother.  I’m still so young and innocent.”

Cynthia: “Yes, please listen to the pleas of my young child and consider them, Death.”
28Cynthia: “PLEASE DEATH, I’M BEGGING YOU!  LISTEN TO MY DAUGHTER FOR GOODNESS SAKES”

Agony: “Aw, don’t start begging.  You completely ruined the moment, Cynthia.”29Justice: “Yeah mom.  Don’t start begging.  Even I think it’s unslightly.”

Cynthia: “SOMEONE ANYONE PLEASE, I STILL WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE”30Serenity: “Mom quick!  Please grab my hand, just for one last moment!”

Cynthia: *Reaches out but gets sucked into the afterlife void before reaching her daughter*

Justice: “You know, maybe mom wasn’t too far off.  From some angles the cat does kinda look like Baal.”
31Death: “Huh.  She laughed at the death of an old woman.  Maybe she has some evil in her after all.”

Agony: “Haha, yeah.  Best entertainment I received since I looked down at my own boobs in this outfit.”32Serenity: “Now that mother has passed from this earth, I must hibernate since there’s a FIGMENT OF DEATH IN THE KITCHEN”

Justice: “Come on, sis.  It’s just a corpse.  Get over it.”

Happiness: “It was only your MOTHER”33Justice: “Here you go Baal.  I’m going to put you on her face and you lick her with that “minty fresh” breath of yours until she wakes up.”

Baal: *Chews fingers* “lemme go”34RIP Cynthia Fallen.  You died really young compared to some *cough* Marlena *cough* and was relatively more useful around the house, compared to uh *COUGH*MARLENA*COUGH* some.

Her loving husband could not be found at the time of her death as he was still having a crisis of his own.

Peace: “I’M TIRED OF THESE MOTHERFLUFFING ROCKS IN MY MOTHERFLUFFING STATUES”

Dude, go into the kitchen.

35Peace: “That was a great idea!  Mmm.  Strawberry Blizzard.  My fave.”

Peace, that’s not what I meant… back to the backyard, I moved Cynthia out there by now.36Peace: “Golly, I sure love yard work, nothing like making the backyard crisp and clean for my loving family.”

BITCH GRIEVE YOUR DEAD WIFE37Peace: “NO MY WIFE MY LOVE MY FLOWER MY LIFE BLUHHUGHUGHU”

About time.  I don’t think at any point did Peace directly notice, and I felt I had to force him to at least act in his character.
38Happiness: “Boo hoo, my poor daughter in law!  She once almost came inside this building to watch me do one of my shows!”

Old guy: “Not what I came and paid good money to drink to.”39Angela: “I look forward to the day my greatgrandchild-in law comes and challenges me to an Overwatch match.  I’ve been training for ages for a new gaming buddy.  Is greatgrandchild-in-law a real thing?”

Justice: “Oh no.  I just realized, mom will be turning on the radio and doing aerobics for the rest of eternity in that skimpy unitard.  Why oh why did we not get together and make her wear something more normal?!”
40Soon, it was the last day for Peace to be heir holder.  Since he never really got to finishing those large-ass wishes (50 statues, what in the world would make you want that, Peace), this is the last wish he completed under my control.

Baal: “RELEASE ME HUMAN TRASH”

Peace: “Wee friendship”41Kirsten: “Guess who got her cleaning license renewed and restraining orders revoked?  Its meeeeee ❤ who missed this hot piece of ass?”

Peace: “If you think you can come near me and compare to the love of my beloved Cynthia, you got another thing coming.”42I then felt like spending some of the money Happiness keeps flooding this family with (sometimes).

I don’t think I ever used this snowman?  Maybe a long time ago for the Secksies before seasons, but he’s SO CUTE.  I know it’s almost summer for the Fallens but I really needed this little mustached face around for a bit.

Snowy the Man: “So we’re just going to ignore this hole in the patio you accidentally deleted?  Yeah?  Ok.”43And then BAM random skating rink!

And a swing set with caterpillars on it why not.

Snowy: *Continues to sweep around the hole humming conspicuously* 44Peace: “You FAILED school?!  The last day as a teenager and you have been bringing home F’s this WHOLE time!”

Justice: “Dad no, please not on my birthday!”

Baal: *Covers eyes in embarassment*45Peace: “This isn’t how I want to be remembered as heir… punishing my child on her greatest birthday of her life… oh, if Cynthia could only see me now, she’d be so disappointed…”

Go let her out.46Peace: “I was wrong in punishing you.  You can go early.  I love you.  Now please feed us cake.”

Justice: “You only letting me out of time out because you’re hungry ;-;”47Justice: “What should I wish for?”

Peace: “Bring back your mother and all the other innocents Frieza murdered in cold blood.”

Justice: “Dad, that’s not… oh, nevermind I’ll just wish for my LTW or something.”48Justice: “NO WAIT, I know what I wanted, I wanted to have a cooler outfit as an adult and not kill the game can I chanGE MY WISH”

Wrath: *Woke up just for this and is probably pissed*49And here she is ladies and gents.  Heir to the Good throne.  She has the Good trait, along with clumsy, couch potato, natural cook and animal lover.  I leaned towards her namesake while picking her LTW and she has International Super Spy.  Which with her traits might not be a good match?  But we’re here now.50Justice: “My first wish as heiress is to help my sister get the proper nutrients she needs to be healthy.  Here sis, eat some of our healthy organic cake.”

Serenity: “Yeah, but don’t insert it directly in my ribcage…”51Peace: “Wait… I’m not heir anymore.  How do I get back in my bed?  How do I get out of this kitchen?  How function?”

Serenity: “Oh goodness, he’s already falling apart now that he’s no longer under control.  Time to find a nice nursing home I suppose.”52While Peace struggles to remember how to find his way upstairs, sweet dreams Justice.  You have a big first day ahead of you for heirship.53While she slept, I looked for potential mates for both sides.  I think I’m definetely going to move the family to a new town very soon, but I wanted to see if there was potential here first.

Tristin: “I’m evil.  Look at my, uh, scarf of evil.”

I’m getting distant Edgardo descendant vibes from him.  Eh.  Next.
55WHOA TOASTER MY CHILD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU

Toaster: “Bitch my name is like Willard or something, can’t you read or at least remember.”

Officer: “Why do I live in the same house as the Annoying Orange?”
54Toaster: “This is YOUR fault!  I blame this horrid genetic mutation on YOU you contagious FREAK”

Tyrone: *licks fingers happily*
56There’s a lot more evil sims in the town than there are good ones, but they aren’t all that good looking either.  This one is distantly related to the Fallens too.  Not worth remembering the name for.
57The only one that impresses me is this Jodi dude.  He’s evil and sure as hell looks like it.

Jodi: “Time to feed the Overly Happy Lake Monster with one of my many many dogs!”

Fluffy: “Tired of your bs, Jodi.”

While I like him, he shares the name with one of my mother’s abusive ex-boyfriends and I can’t not see the bastard when I look at this sim.  So I can’t use him.58Its a shame because Jared is still around, and as a good sim, having two fairies in the house with conflicting traits would be neat.  Even though at this point he’s gone through like 12 wives.

Jared: “The last one ended in divorce and she took my wings in the settlement.  And half the lots too.”
59Justice’s official first wish as heiress was to get a job at the police department.  She also wished to be best friends with her father so it because a day out for the both of them.

Justice: “SHOOT!  I forgot today is graduation day!  My commands are all cancelled!  The court house, it calls me.”

Peace: “Please.  I’m begging you.  Get in the MM for goodness SAKES.”60Justice: “Its ok, Father!  I cancelled the trip to the court house, and now I get to graduate on the sidewalk!  Just like every other flunkie!”

Peace: “This is not what I wanted for my child.  I knew I should have gotten you some tutors.”61Justice: “And now, with this GED, I will get my job as a police officer and do my good for the people of this fair little town!”

And so she did.62Justice: “Well would you look at that, Father.  It’s raining.”63Peace: “Yes, but remember my child.  Even when it rains this much, we get rainbows as wonderful as this.  Remember that is the same in life.”

Justice: “That is so true, Father.”
64Hidden Springs: *MASS REFRACTION ACTIVATE*

I’ll still take this as a good omen for the family.65The remainder of the day was spent skilling together in the library.  And by that I mean they’re just reading books because I forgot how skill books actually work.

Peace: “Yeah but Raymundo has so many good ideas and adventures.”
66You may have noticed by now the “other heiress” isn’t really doing much.

Agony: “I haven’t moved from this spot since Cynthia died.  At least my tits still look good.”

That’s because she’s not under my control.  I’m not doing anything with her because…
67Hysteria: “I’m back you bitches.”

It returned and didn’t bother losing it’s evil trait.  That’s just great.
68Oh.  Well she’s mostly back I think.

69Hysteria: “Get the FUCK out of my face you fucking celery stick.  Literally.  Get out of me.”
70Hysteria: “Wow nothing has changed since the last time I was here.  Granted I was only here for a couple of days of my life, but still.  Nice to come back to the same hell hole.”71Hysteria: “And here she is.  The leech on my throne.  Swamping up MY house with her ogre stank.”

Agony: “What’s a deodorant stick”72Hysteria: “Greetings, Agony.”

Agony: “Hello 🙂 who the fuck is you?”73Hysteria: “Why it’s me, your long lost baby sister, Hysteria.  I was thrown out the second our moms got me walking, just like you.  Only unlike you, I was kept in pris-I mean military school while you got out as soon as your lower lip ballooned up thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.

But hey, no hard feelings.  As a matter of fact, even though I’m the one that should be celebrating my graduation from juvie, I mean Fort Starch, I would like to take you out on a surprise night out to celebrate your recent status change to heiress.”74Agony: “While I really shouldn’t trust a random balding stranger walking into my house at 11pm saying their my sister with little to no recollection of you ever being born, I would like that I suppose.  I’m only a few hours away from being stir crazy for being cooped up in the kitchen for several days.”75Hysteria: “That’s fantastic.  Just as expected.  We are going to have… a fantastic, night out…”

Agony: “Why are you talking all oddly… ew, no don’t smile please, that is unsettling and wrong somehow.”

I have little trust in this for Agony…

76Agony: “Where are we?  I thought we were going out for a nice dinner or something…”

Hysteria: “While a dinner sounds like a great idea, since I ate nothing but military rations for the past 18 years, we are making a pit stop here first…”
77Agony: “What is this?  This isn’t Fuddruckers.  This looks more like Sacred Spleen Memorial to me.”

Hysteria: “That’s because it is, you bimbo.”

Agony: “I don’t understand.  This isn’t a fun night out.  What’s the meaning of this?”78Hysteria: “Oh it’s simple really.  While the family is asleep and unaware that I returned at all, I will steal your face, resume your identity, and take over as heiress just as I should be.”

Agony: “What the hell?!  That’s… psychotic!”79Agony: “You need help!  Does this look like Face Off to you?!  You aren’t taking my face, you psycho!  There’s no way you are any sister of mine to be that crazy!”80Hysteria: “You know NOTHING.  Nothing about me, and obviously nothing about this family.  This family belongs to me, and I refuse to stand by or be chased off while it’s handed over to some car drooling, eco friendly weakling!”81Agony: “Get away from me!  I’m… I’m calling the police!  Justice will not put up with this!  She’ll have you put down!”

Hysteria: “Shut up and give me your face!!”82Agony: “STOP!  GET OFF OF ME!  SOMEONE STOP HER!”

Hysteria: “SHUT UP!  You don’t stand a chance against me, I spent my entire life in a military camp!  You cannot stop me!”83*Sounds of Agony getting knocked out and dragging noises across the pavement*84Hysteria: “And now, finally… doctor?  Me and my sister have a procedure we would like to have done as soon as possible…”

 

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Clown in the Backyard

*Makes a New Year Resolution to at least finish one of my legacies this year*

*Two days in probably changes it to maybe get through one generation*

*Maybe half*
1I’m not good at ensuring the Fallens check their mail, so its no surprise Peace is just now finding his wedding present still in the mailbox, from Happiness no less, even though he still lives in the house with him.

Peace: “Dad, did you REALLY have to come out here and shove a whole jet fighter in the mailbox?!  How did you even pull this off??”

Happiness: “You know I honestly don’t remember?  It’s been two years now since your wedding, I had long forgotten that thing was even in there still…”2Nothing says love and forever after like shipping an F-14 Tomcat to the happy couple.

Now we have a matching pair!  One married couple can now fight together in a future world war or something.  Now that’s true love right there.3*Vampire skill buffs to level 10 on two paintings at a skill level of a toddler*

Happiness: “Aw give me a break!  They’re worth so much because I’m famous as it is!”

Yes, I could tell from your 3 fans at the Applebee’s down the street.4Agony: “Wow, an actual zombie in the family graveyard.  Highlight of my life right here.  Yeah.  Please let this be my only appearance in this whole chapter and leave me alone for the remainder of the chapter.”

Baal: “Fuck, our vacation is over, time to pretend to be a functioning piece of data again.”

Zombie who’s name I long forgotten in void of time: “:^)”4Justice: “Finally.  I’ve only looked forward to this day for six months.”

To be fair some teens do.
5Justice: “After all this time, and I’m saddened to say my dear sister will not be joining us for this lovely high school dance.”

Agony: “Jeez, when are you turdasses going to get over the loss of that alien fetus, whatever her name was.  Isotrope?”

Justice: “No, the other green one, the one that actually lives with us still.  Even though I don’t know how, she has apparently route failed in the kitchen again…”6Serenity: “I didn’t route fail, I just couldn’t bear to leave poor little Ariel alone without any food!  I’d die knowing I was out having a good time and our cat could be starving at home!”

Ariel: “I… I was just asking for a treat for doing a pee in the litter box.”

Wrath: “And this is why you aren’t getting heirship, Booger Girl.”7Agony attempting to be evil?  She’s not good at it.89Teen sweethearts!  Maybe they will develop corresponding good/evil traits and we get to keep them!10Notable teens from town.  Justine is not too bad aging up though.  Nose still looking like it was sculpted from tin foil.  Prom dress from the Dollar Tree store.  Name might be Janelle, I don’t fucking remember most of the Florida Men offspring’s names anymore.  But she’s still doing ok.11Rodrigo still exists.  12Welp, Prom lasted past 11:00:04 pm, here’s the cops.

Cop: “I’m just here to reach my quota, boi”

Justice: “How immoral.”
13*Takes separate taxis just to be spiteful*

Please don’t leave that cop car to get stuck there forever.  I’m not doing that again.
14I just whipped by to see how Tyrone’s latest birthday came together.  Found out there’s a new Florida Man baby on the porch.  Another Rodrigo though.  Boring.  No idea what his name is.  Toaster probably.  I actually just tried to open the game to find out again but it’s not coming back on tonight.  His name is just Toaster I guess.

Toaster: “No… sudden… moves…. just t-pose with me… until it leaves…”

Huh?15OH

Tyrone: *Flicks tongue around like a snake out his ear trying to sense where his little brother is*

Toaster: *Attempts to escape by glitch sliding across the floor like some sims babies can do but fails*16For a second I thought his teeth were just that yellow, that’s how bad off this kid was.  Apparently its just the highlights in his hair on the back of his head though.

Tyrone: “NO!  My teeth IS hair!  I filter my nutrients out of brine water just like a baleen whale!”

Ok, bye Tyrone.17Cruelty: “I’m so fucking tired, this bitch has not put on pants once since the day I got here, and even though I’ve been standing in this same spot since I got here, that still shouldn’t matter.”
18Kid: “Bitch that was not an invitation to come in and take yours off.”

Wrath: “Who is this little gnome and why is she trying to tell me what the fuck to do?”

Cruelty: “Omg hi mom”19I see something else has joined the monster party on the porch.

Tyrone: “Hell yeah, who influenced this get together?  Oh yeah it was meeee” *Licks eyeballs*

Toaster: “Please someone call child services for me”20Cynthia: “Ah yes.  A happy home once again.  Husband sound asleep, not a peep in the house… time to get up and cause some ruckus.”
21Cynthia: “Look, it doesn’t matter if you jogged 2 kilometers this morning.  If you aren’t bench pressing 230 lbs by next friday, I’m disowning you.”

Agony: “I know exercise is important, but go talk about it elsewhere since the Brown Locomotive is coming through a tunnel”

Serenity: “Right now I’d like to jog away from anywhere but here :)”22Agony: “SHIT, they didn’t dissipate quick enough, now I got to re-eat more food to refuel my organs!”

Yay.23Cynthia: “I don’t hear any deadlifts out here!!”

Serenity: “Gosh flabbit mom if I do one more 100 lb set again my back is going to break mom!”24Cynthia: “Fine.  We’ll start slower then.  I’ve rigged this treadmill to only go 35 mph.  Go full Usain Bolt or die, my child.  That’s my fitness goal to be honest.”

Serenity: “WHAT”25Cynthia: “Go faster!  I want to see those legs blur!  Look at me and see the body you can obtain through my training regimen, Serenity!!”

Serenity: “MOM PLEASE I DON’T CARE PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON”26Wrath: “I just realized, um, aren’t onions a bulb that’s grown in the ground and not on a bush?”27Wrath: “Fuck, I confused the stupid thing and it died in it’s confusion.  Now I have to stand in the yard and make that stinky oniony smell all on my own.”28Happiness: “Oh, wow Loyalty, has it been that long?  I thought you were a vampire and you weren’t supposed to age, like me.”

Charity: “Dad.  It’s me.  Charity.  Your other daughter that you clearly forgot about.  I have moved out of Anger’s house and live with Brave in the trees.  It’s not fun.”

Old people gathering in the yard means one thing.29Peace: *Attempts to eat the entire cake before anyone else sees it*30I invited the prom sweethearts to the party to meet them for myself.  Derrell showed up.  Kinda cute.  Can’t dress himself of course.  31Cynthia: “I got my aging hubby a birthday present that I totally didn’t nick off of those rusting robots on the other side of town when you weren’t looking.  I paid them cash and everything so don’t mention it to them ever again or tell them where I live.”

I NEVER knew Cynthia had The Beast!  I just happened to look over her inventory and here it is.  To think, Sinbad Rotter’s bike is still in existance, transversed legacies and survived two computers.  A true legend.
32Peace: “I guess old age isn’t going to be too bad… I get to grow old with my darling wife and get to look forward to grandchildren… though being older than my dad now is going to be weird…”

Serenity: *scratches armpit* “Yeah yeah, having a pop star vampire for a father wasn’t weird enough…”33Peace: “The aches and pains of old age are not feeling so good.  I changed my mind, I don’t want this.”

Serenity: “It must be done, father.”

Cynthia: “This is a very sad looking salad.”34Cynthia: “WHOA I think the salad heard me.”

Peace: “The fudge happened to my counters”35Peace’s first want as a senior is to take his dear wife on a date.  It was sweet enough, so they dumped the birthday party as quick as they could and went to the bar.

Peace: “Please wife, do not do what I think you’re going to do and join me in dance!  Or at least come over here and pop my back back into place.”36Peace: “Whoa nevermind, that workout outfit is HAWT.  The fact that her head is popping off isn’t so hot, but that outfit makes me very warm!”

Fun date.
37Wrath: “How in the flapping fuck did I end up out here??”

…Um, I guess the birthday party ended wonderfully.38Angela: “Well that’s the oddest thing… I put my pool stick right here on the end where I always keep it, where could it possibly be…”

I noticed something.  The ghosts don’t do things like they used to do, like haunt furniture.  Playing pool and sitting around in the sandbox is all these guys do, and honestly I can’t remember the last time a blender got haunted in any of my games.39Happiness: “Hellloooooo nurse!”

Kirsten: “I am not your nurse, but I play one on tv!”

Happiness you really got to stop eyeing every lady that comes within a twelve foot radius.
40Kirstin: “If you date me, I promise I won’t post skanky post-woohoo/sleeping photos of you on Instagram just for celebrity dating status bragging rights!!”

Happiness: “You had me at woohoo.”

She’s not going to do her job if you keep her distracted, Happiness.  Oh who am I kidding.  She probably won’t do her job anyway.
41Wrath: “Why did… no what does a prostitute and a blonde have… in common?  Gah, I got to write this joke down, work on it’s punchline for the family later.”

Todd: “Hello ma’am.  I have been hired by Mr. Peace Fallen to entertain your family for the evening.  Pretty much because the option has never really been tried and the narrator is testing it out. I know all kinds of tricks, and I’m a master of JOKES!”

Wrath: “Must write this down too…. murder Peace… jokes… my thing.”
42He’s actually just a magician but if he’s going to dress like a clown, I might as well make him go all the way.

Peace: “What in the fuzz is It doing in my backyard?  Is this why I keep finding old skeletons buried in the garden?”

He hung out in the backyard where no one bothers to go to, floated around a bit, and left.  Great use of money.
43Cynthia isn’t asking for a chaffing anywhere bad, nope, not at all.

Cynthia: “The nostalgic bliss from remembering my childhood makes the upcoming infection worth it.” 44Wrath: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS FOR?!  AS YOUR TRUE QUEEN I DEMAND YOU GET OUT OF MY UNDERWEAR”45Happiness: “Hey.  Wait a minute.  Where’s the hot maid from yesterday that was standing right here?”

Creig: “Oh don’t worry, I’m right here, and I got a long thick package for you… it’s your old newspaper from the yard.  I’m off to throw it away.  I’m going to work really hard for your family and have this place spotless in no time!”

Happiness: “I do not like this maid at all.”
46It’s that time again.  A multi sim birthday, this time we’re cranking out three of them: Wrath, Serenity, and Agony.  If I recall, Serenity’s birthday is a day or two early because its just easier to do them all in one go than have my game fight birthdays several days in a row.
47Ariel: “Good luck not struggling.  I can already tell you you aren’t going to have any sims reach that middle cake on this fat ass table.”

It didn’t hurt to try.  It’s a cute table.
48I tried rehiring the clown again, since you know, birthday party entertainment.  I figured he would go back to the backyard and do his thing there though, and that’s why the cake set up is in the backyard.  Todd is an ass though and decided the kitchen made more sense this go around…

Cynthia: “I’m calling the local Mickie Dee’s.  I believe their pet Ronald McDonald escaped into my kitchen.”
49Serenity: “Since I will probably not get heirship from this last chance at a personality trait, I shall wish for a good home, a happy family, and a safe environment away from spooky ghosts and skeletons!”

Wrath: “May we never see your lame unfun ass ever again then.”50Wrath: “Now, what should I wish for…”

Beth: “NO, NOT THE BEES,  oh wait you don’t have any bees with you at the moment. I may have overreacted.”51Serenity: “Oh, am I ever so peckish.  I might die before too long if I don’t get anything to eat.”

No way you could have prevented that.  No way at all.  Can’t be prevented with say, a cake, half a foot away from you that you keep cancelling on.  Nope. 52Glad you could actually join us at the party you were hired for, Todd.

Todd: “I came outside to watch this woman grow old and then instantly revert back into a young woman.  Now THAT’S some real magic right there!  Plus, there’s a troll in the kitchen.  I didn’t want to get eaten.”53Arwing: “WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE yeah”

I don’t believe you were invited but you’re presence is endearing to me, Arwing.54You, on the other hand, were invited and you’re late, Agony’s romantic interest from prom.

DeShawn: “Can’t help it… the zombie apocolypse… it caught me… but I still made it… for my darling…”55Agony: “You’re so sweet, DeShawn.  Drip that fake green face paint all over our living room hardwood and my mom will drown you in angry bees though.  Fair warning.”56DeShawn: “Anything for my buttercup, my light, my love, my Dark Souls 3”

Agony: “Well at least I have one person that cares for me on my birthday.  That does make me feel more special than my family makes me feel like.”57And with that, does Wrath’s heirship over the family end here….58Agony: “Eh.  I’m not feeling it, Mr. Krabs.”

I, um.  Agree.  Eh.59Here are all three girls post makeover.  Serenity offically stands as a great kisser, a coward, athletic, easily impressed and loves the heat.  Her LTW is canine companion.  However, since she is not good like her sister, Justice will be the shoe-in heiress I was expecting her to be.  Serenity is darling cute though.  Not looking forward to her moving out.

Wrath: “What did the gay guy say when the bee stung him on the butthole?  “Aaah, my BUZZY”!”

Thanks for the unnecessary addendum, Wrath.60Agony, on the other hand, is a vehicle enthusiast, childish, easily impressed, eco FRIENDLY, and FRIENDLY.  Could you possibly be more anti-evil, Agony?

Agony: “My LTW is Jack of All Trades, which I will utilize towards my true life’s dream: To craft a car that runs on pure sunlight and positive vibes!”

Wrath: “OH HELL NO”61

I really like Agony.  I do, I like her face… and uh.  I like her face.  But her traits are so borderline non-evil.  Almost tauntingly so.

Agony: “So.  Um.  When does this… heiress stuff kick in?  I don’t feel any different that before…”

So we’ll see…

(quietly posts in March, SO MUCH FOR NEW YEARS RESOLUTION FROM WHEN I STARTED WRITING THIS CHAPTER)

To Remember What I Forgot

A whole year.  Exactly one week short of a whole year to be precise.  Am I going for some sort of hiatus record or something?  Who knows.  The past year has been full of crazy shit like hospitals and broken hearts, but the number one reason for the hiatus is of course the computer.  Drivers and all that shit, if you recall.  Maybe future hiatuses won’t be so long.

I KNOW I SAY THAT EVERY HIATUS I SWEAR I’M SORRY

1We left off on Justice getting her birthday, I remember that much.  Honestly that’s all I remember?  And I remember that it was the reason I realized something was wrong with the drivers in the first place.2Cute as a BUTTON, but naturally, as I do, I wanted to make her look even cuter and match her themes a little better.  Game decided that wasn’t such a good idea.  Every time I attempted to change her look in CAS, the game would shit out on me.  No matter what.  Sometimes instantly, sometimes right before I finish up on a wicked cool style.3*Greyed out fog of Deadgameitis*

Justice: “Please, don’t leave me in here like this”
4One year and one massive computer fix later, the game still decided that most of what I tried on her was JUST TOO MUCH, so her style is so much more simple than I wanted.  But at this point I just want to get over this shitty obstacle.

Game graphics, of course, don’t do her justice.

Peace: “You mean I waited a whole year for a tank top and shorts.  I could have been in bed all this time instead, it would be more beneficiary to me.”5Cynthia: “Talk shit about our daughter’s style and I’ll smear your face into the cake.”

Justice: “I feel the need to sit in a cozy corner in my room and blog for 48 hours straight.”

Her trait is God knows what.  It changed so many times and then has been a year since I even looked.  We’re going to say her new trait is flip-floppiness, because its probably been everything and more since now.6After the party FINALLY ENDED, I had to go find the rest of the family.  No idea what they would be up to, and finding them usually didn’t clear the answers for me.

Agony: “No idea where I’m at.  No idea what I’m doing.  Just know my hair is melting off my face from standing outside in the exposed radiation of this town for 358 days.”

Everyone looks a little funkier now I believe.  Or maybe they always did?  It’s been a year, I really remember nothing.7Serenity is really the only one that hasn’t seemed to suffer too much from toilet graphics.  She’s still adorable as all get out.

Serenity: “I try my best to separate myself from the rest.”8Justine across town has apparently improved on the other hand.

Justine: “Urghnksgngieneamdfkof fleas”

Maybe its her curse that is plaguing this land now that I think about it…9Happiness: *Smashes hand into the mic for four straight hours* “Probably should really retake some vocal lessons.  I cannot remember how to voice.”

At least his audience never changes so he never humiliates himself.  10After the birthday, Peace felt the need to teach Justice how to drive.  Just normal skill boosting.  But at least its in the new MM that Peace had in his inventory that I never knew he had!  Or I did and forgot about it.11Justice: “Finally!  I have perfected driving!” *Instantly crashes into fence*

So much for normality.
12*MM proceeds to abandon them in place as they crunch up together in a mini black hole*

Justice: “No daddy, I cannot drive stick.”

Peace: “Never ever ever ever ever make that joke again while you’re sitting in my lap, hun.”13Cynthia probably always had this outfit.  I don’t remember.  Either way, WHY CYNTHIA.

Cynthia: “Must reach, must work for that dild-I MEAN, that… fat skill bar… yeah… ayyy…”

Wrath: “The fuck is going on why is everyone else making bad sex jokes?!  That’s supposed to be MY shtick!  Heh heh… get it, “shtick”?  “Stick”?  …Wow that one was actually shit, even for me.”

Baal: “I thought it was ok enough.”14Pretty much off the bat no one has top tier need bars.  But at least Serenity isn’t passing out on the ground anymore?  At least she’s learning.

Serenity: “I have learned to just not pass out when you are looking, I MEAN zzz”
15Justice: “Love my sister.  But I really hope she gets enough energy to do her homework soon.  She’s failing so far behind now, it’s hopeless…”

Serenity: “Can’t care, bed hair, zzz”16*Even further down the walkway*

Agony: “Fuck what da teacher said”

Her grades are actually the best so far, she’s about to hit A+ at her rate.  Fingers crossed, I need that for once.17Ah.  In case I couldn’t forget that this little monster exists.18Hysteria: “You know you can’t forget me.  In the back of your mind, you know I’m the rightful heiress…  I’m the evil one, I’m the one the rules call for… I’m the one that should be holding the house spot, not that car humper, Agony…  Even after a year, you can’t forget that it should be me the spot goes to…”

Fuck it off, Hysteria and your smug ass grin and shit.  I’ve made up my mind I think.  No clones, no heirship!  I can break the rule at least once in the legacy, and I’m not sticking around with you!  Go back to the boarding school I banished you to!

Hysteria: “Fine… but know in the back of your little mind, you know rule breaking is against your morals… and I will be back… and you will doubt yourself again…”19Peace took his father out for a night on the town, mostly for MM boost needs for Happiness, but also because they need some father-son time.

Peace: “With all this rain out here, you don’t think you’re going to melt are you?”

Happiness: “Oh my goat, Peace, for the last time, I’m not a witch!”20Happiness: “I… do have something to admit though, son.  I have this burden I’ve hid from everyone for years.  I’m actually… *phone starts ringing very undramatically* … a vampire.”21Peace: “Dimmit, dad!  Are you SERIOUS?!  For the past 35 years of my LIFE, I just have been telling people you were an oversized pixie!”22Happiness: “Ok then?  I’m not a vampire?  Does that make it better?”

Peace: “Yes, that makes clearly more sense.”

Happiness: “What”

And then I suddenly remembered I couldn’t control Happiness anymore so I stopped making him tell his son all this stuff.
23Angela: “Dark Souls 3 is a pretty good game if you don’t put the disc in and play Mario Party 4 instead.”

Eunice: “Casuals like you do not have a place in the world, Angela!  Get out of my unlife!”24Eunice: “Seriously!  No sim since you has annoyed me so much as you have in all my years!”

*Cynthia walks by*

Eunice: “Nevermind, you’re SECOND most annoying now!”25Wrath: “Later everyone, I’m off to Narnia to do some lion poaching.”

I will never cease using Narnia jokes, even though the only movie I saw was Epic Movie and only book I ever read was the one where everyone dies in a car crash or a train or some shit.  Spoilers?  I don’t know.  I could be thinking of another series for all I know.26Peace: “I decided to take all of you to school in the MM today because of mood boosts.  Also I really don’t want to start yelling at my children for decomposing grade rates.  I cry when I have to do any form of discipline.”

Serenity: “But silly daddy, don’t you remember?  It’s a seasonal holiday!  We don’t have school today!”

Peace: “By George, you’re right!  I guess I’ll take all of you to the party Cynthia was invited to this morning, but can’t make it because she was too busy routefailing over toenail clippings.”27Agony: “Hey, you’re forgetting something… you’re forGETTING SOMEONE!!  YOU’RE FORGETTING ME!! PEACE!!!”

28Justice: “Never been to a party before.  Do you think they hurt?”

Serenity: “Don’t know.  All I know is I love dogs.  I will now love dogs forever.  By the way, has anyone seen my glasses?”29Justice: “Ah well, time to change into my ~~SUNDAY BEST~~”

Serenity: “Wow.  I don’t need glasses to see why we needed to change everything else besides your every day.”

Curse the crash rate.30Peace: “Glad to meet you Mr. Van, and must I say your house is lovely.  Your party is crap though.”

Van: *Smiles politely and plots a way to piss in this man’s shoes for the insult*31Peace: “Long time no see, sister!  In game life AND real life!  Its great to see you aren’t dead yet.”

Brave: “Thank you child of the earth. No idea who you are, but its nice to have someone grateful I haven’t croaked over yet.”32And that was the party.  Spring/Love day parties, whatever they are, suck.

Serenity: “But I just figured out how to get up on the porch without blindly tripping over the steps and busting my shins.”33Agony: “Fuck them and their MM.  I don’t need those losers to take me to a party that’s already over!  Look, my whip is here!  With my power to befriend vehicles, I can summon any vehicle to my whim!”34Agony: “Ay well fuck you too then.”35Justice: “As much fun as that party was, daddy, that party was not fun at all.”

Peace: “Then join me in the hot tub.  We got to get some use out of this thing, I didn’t drop about 10 grand on this thing for aesthetics, you know.”

Serenity: “Okie then.  But just so you guys know, I still love dogs.  That hasn’t changed.”

Justice: “Is that going to be your new useless quirk or something?”36Justice: “Daddy, please don’t be mad at me, but this is the only bathing suit they had left at the randomly generated CAS discount store.”

Peace: “I will never be mad at you, sweetie, just the universe we live in.”37Here’s a good picture of both girls just showing off how cute they are.  I adore both of them equally.  If Serenity ends up with the good trait, I’ll never be able to decide who would be heiress.38Agony: “I don’t understand!  Why am I being so isolated by those assholes?  All I wanted was to be included in their shitty little old person party and I got abandoned on the sidewalk.  I don’t do well with being excluded…”

Baal: “Because you’re trash I MEAN THEY ARE TRASH FUCK YEAH fuck them, do your own thing, you don’t need their approvals.”

Agony: “You’re right!  If I want to do things, I don’t need their permission!  I’ll do what the hell I want!”

Cynthia: “Please I just want sleep”39Peace: “Look girls!  The Sims 1 toes.”40Serenity: “EW DADDY NO KEEP THOSE AWAY FROM ME”

Justice: “Dad I’ve told you three times already you need to go to the doctor and get those checked out.”41Peace: “Er, hey Agony.  Would you like to joi-”

Agony: “Scoot over peons, I’m getting in the hot tub whether you want me to or not, and I will not take no for an answer!”

Peace: “We weren’t going to keep you out, but sure, come on in…”42Peace: “Agony, dear, this isn’t a snorkel tank, you can’t really swim around in this thing.”

Serenity: “What is she even doing.”43And then Agony’s leg got sucked into a drain at the bottom of the pool and she proceeded to drown.

Peace: “Why are my feet purple all of a sudden”
44Agony: “HELP YOU PSYCHOS I CANNOT ACTUALLY SWIM”

Peace: “I wish I had this thing insured.”
45Agony: *Crab-Dabs her way out of the hot tub*

Justice: “If I get out of this pool, it’s not going to break my arms too, is it?”46Agony: “I can’t believe you fuck bricks almost let me die in this thing!  Take your shitty hot tub I don’t want anything to do with the damn thing!  I’m leaving!”

Justice: “Finally.”47However, Agony snapping her leg off in the open drain pipe caused the hot tub to break.

Peace: “You got to be kidding me.”

Agony: “Finally, I did something right!  Evil ancestors please witness me.”
48And then Peace tried to fix it but it went bad so he wanted to sell it instead.  So much for the tub.49End of chapter townie updates:  This just in, Florida man caught holding his own hand and crying while walking down the street.50While going through the family tree to get grips of what’s going on, apparently at some point Anger died.  I did not know that (or, for the millionth time, I do not remember if I knew or not) RIP Anger, if I haven’t said RIP before.  You leave behind a grape for a granddaughter.51And lastly, and definetely least, Hysteria doesn’t like military school 🙂

Hysteria: “THIS IS NOT THE HEIRSHIP I DEMAND”

In Hysterics

1 Justice: “Death is sad.”

Hold on.  Something more important is going on across town.  I need to look at this Florida spawn instead.2 Wow.  Did you try to kiss a bee, kid?

Justine: “Help me, my upper lip doesn’t really look attached.”

You’ll grow into it, probably.3 Peace: “Yeah really, no one is sad about my mother dying, I’m going to kill this lie the game says that I’m “feeling” and go back to washing the dishes, ok?”

Last chapter involved a couple of birthdays, and the most awaited death since Bella Secksie.  Marlena finally passed away after Nascar ripped her liver out through her vagina.  He will have a parade in his honor downtown every year on this day from now on.5 Also Jada wasn’t in the last chapter at all, and that’s probably why she’s been beheaded by sleep in this one.

Maybe it was best if she just stayed out of the chapters if this is all she’s gonna do.6

Peace: “-And then the evil queen perished after being dragged down the street in a spiked barrel by all the kings’ horses, the princess finally lived happily ever after.”

Serenity: “That was such a good ending to grandmother’s autobiography.”

Peace: “That was The Goose Girl, honey.  It’s a fairy tale.”

Serenity: “Close enough in all honesty.”

Since we are in the room of the deceased, where is Marlena’s loving widower.7 Happiness: “I refuse to go home because I can’t make any money there.”

You can’t make any money if you freeze to the ground either.8 Peace: “Dad, I called you home like three hours ago, where were you?”

Happiness: “Sorry but look who I brought home with me!  Jaime hasn’t been to visit in forever so he tagged along!”

Peace: “Dad he was here literally 4 hours ago.”9 Jaime: “Wow, they were right, you DID inherit that magnificent six pack from your father.”

Peace: “Please Mr. Vampire, get your fingers out of my navel.”10 That’s right, Jealousy.  You weren’t alive when we got seasons were you.  Are you, er, enjoying it so far?

Jealousy: “I just built a second igloo and am now working on my vicious snowman army.  What the hell do you think?”11 Evalin: “Haha, you are so unimportant Angela that they didn’t even bother taking a picture of you this chapter!”

Jada: “Yeah, tell her like it is, spooky ghost lady!”

Wrath: “Like grandmother like wife.  I married the right woman <3”

12 Jaime: “HURRY UP AND FINISH THIS SCULPTURE ALREADY.  STANDING HERE IS TIRING AND EXHAUSTING!”

Peace: “I have literally just started working on the sculpture.  It’s not my fault it took you all night to make your way back here to post for me.”13 God in the distance: “I hereby declare this gay bar to be extra extra gay.”

Peace: “Wassat”

14 A blizzard rainbow!  I feel like this is super rare.  Maybe not in the sims, but maybe.15 Jaime’s statue was finished and plopped down in the front yard to welcome guests for the remainder of the winter season.

Happiness: “Apparently I’ve been standing out here since last night.  Hm.”

Not my problem.
16 I realized I never gave Wrath her family tattoo, and it’s really late in her generation to do so, but I went ahead and put it on her.  I meant to put it on Peace if he hadn’t had one yet, (he may already have one.  On his thigh??) but I got distracted and forgot to check so I’ll have to check later.17 I didn’t want to disturb this sweet family moment.

Happiness: “Marlena never wanted to do things like this with me in all the years I have known her!  This is so exciting!”

Peace: “That’s because mom’s idea of adventure and thrill is moving three spaces left into the living room maybe once a week.”18 Peace: “Officially done being a single father.  Okay Cynthia!  I’m over my mid life crisis!  We can stop pretending we signed the real divorce papers!  Cynthia?”19Peace: “There’s my darling waifu!  I’m gonna completely ignore why you are dressed like that and present with you the Flowers of Apology, in the hopes that you will forgive me and come back to me in marriage!”

Cynthia: “Oh Peace!  They are beautiful!  They make me kinda regret throwing my wedding ring into the lake!”20 Peace: “Do not worry about that dear!  Because I dove down into the bottom of the lake and risked myself to return it to you!  Because that’s how much I love you!  Also this is a family heirloom from my grandmother, and dad’d kill me if we lost it.”

Cynthia: “Well in that case, drop another $4 grand on a vow renewal ceremony and I’m all yours, Peace!”

I love it when things work out.21 I see you’re still wandering around through the woods.  Need me to call someone?  Maybe an ambulance??

Arwing: *Sorrowful moose calls*22 Arwing: “I accidentally absorbed my Rick while we were making violent love right here in the snow 😦 😦 :(”

Jesus Christ, RIP Rick.23Peace: “To celebrate our future vow renewal, we are all going on a family trip to the mountains!”

Happiness: “In the middle of the night?  In a snowstorm??  With the kids stuffed in the trunk???”

Cynthia: “It was a good idea at the time…”
24 Well at least one of the children.  Serenity would rather stare at wall than go on a family outing.

Serenity: “What can I say, the ripples in this wall art is mesmerizing!”25 Actually she’s probably better off than her sister.

Justice: “Did they really just run on ahead of me and leave me alone on the side of a cold frozen mountain in the dark?  Is this some kind of training hidden as a game because I’m not sure…”26 Cynthia: “To be honest, my husband’s too spry for his ideas of a good time and I get pretty tired during his outings most of the time.”

Peace: “OH GOD GUYS THERE’S A WATERFALL STILL FALLING OVER HERE”27Besides the waterfall, there’s a unicorn somewhere not far from where the Fallens are.  Somewhere in that rock.
28 Unicorn: “Am I dead yet?”

Considering how deeply wedged you are in that boulder, yeah, probably.29 Mad skating skills you got there, Happiness.

Happiness: “What can I say, I’m a natural pro.”
30 Justice: “Mommy, why is grandpa a cheating blur?”

Cynthia: “Because his idiot wife rubbed off on him and he ended up inheriting her crazy.”31 Peace: “If we hold hands and stay in the middle of the pond, dad will create a wind tunnel that will gently push us along and we won’t have to skate!”

Justice: “GRANDPA STOP, I’M NOT ABLE TO SKATE IN THESE WIND CONDITIONS”32 Cynthia: “What was that about a gentle breeze, Peace?!”

Peace: “DAD I BLAME YOU.”

So much for a happy outing.33 Happiness, they left.

Happiness: “I can’t stop ;-; I’m not in control of my own free will.”
34 Happiness: “Correction.  I can’t control my own free will very well.”

Well you better learn to teleport home somehow on your own then.35 Wrath: “The only reason I invited you for my kid’s birthday party was because you saved us from Marlena stealing all of our oxygen and space.  Also because I wanted a party for my kid and I need friends.  You are the closest thing we have.”
36 Nascar: “I’m apparently the only closest thing you have to a friend.”

Wrath: “Just shut up and eat this cake when I’m done with it.”37 Heh.

Look at that.

Another

FUCKING

CLONE

Puck

HOW MANY WRATH/JEALOUSY CLONES DO I HAVE TO WADE THROUGH TO PLEASE YOU, JADA’S DNA??!?!?

38 Peace: “Congrats to me!  I finally finished my LTW!  Now that that’s out of the way, I can provide my services to be a better family man for my wife and daughters.”

NOT RIGHT NOW PEACE I’M FUCKING ANGRY AT GENETICS39 Wrath: “Wow doesn’t the time fly, feels just like yesterday it was Hysteria’s birthday and now it’s her birthday again!”

Nascar: “That’s illogical as it was just 3 minutes ago.”

I’m childifying her and dumping her off in boarding school!  I’m not wasting my time raising another Wrath.  JADA!  Get your ass in the photobooth and the back yard and TAKE THE PANTS OFF.  We’re starting over again!40 Jada: “NOPE.  You’ve had long enough time to scrape together your little heir out of me, and I’m not gonna stick around here to deal with anymore.  No more spaghetti children, no more boarding school, no nothing.”

REALLY41 Betsy: “Oh that’s gonna infuriate some people.”

Hysteria: “Mummy why”

JADA GET BACK HERE YOU BITCH

42NO HYSTERIA

HOW DARE YOU THINK YOU’RE GETTING THE HEIRSHIP WITH YOUR INSTA-EVILNESS

YOU GET THE CHEAPEST BOARDING SCHOOL THEY HAVE
43 Nascar: “Whoa, this isn’t my fault this time.”

Wrath: “CYNTHIA!  DO SOMETHING TO SAVE MY BABY MAMA”44 Wrath: “THAT DOES NOTHING FOR ME CYNTHIA”45 Hysteria: “Great party lol later”

Jada: “There goes my genetic legacy.  Sigh.”

THERE’S NOTHING IN THOSE GENETICS THAT’S YOUR LEGACY YOU EPISODE FILLER46 Serenity: “It’s ok Auntie Jada!  We will be here to mourn for you!”

Justice: “We love you!  And we will miss you taking care of us and looking out for us just like the loving mother you really were deep down inside.”

Jada: “No please, save me from them, Death.”47 Wrath: “NO Jada, please!  Stick your baby gravy in me one last time at least!”

FINE, LEAVE US JADA, LEAVE US LIKE ALL THE OTHER GOOD SIMS HAVE LEFT US BEFORE >;O48 Serenity: “Please take me with you, I’m too sad to carry on”

Justice: “Tired of you pulling this stunt, Serenity.”49 Wrath: “Haha yes, come pick up another one.  I don’t even care if you misplace this one either.”

So Hysteria’s going to boarding school too, at least until I figure out what I’m going to do.  Three “options” and all of them are clones.  By the rules, Hysteria’s instant heiress with her Evil trait, but I also barred clones from inheriting because fuck.

So now I’m thinking…50To end this chapter, here is last but not least for now:

Nascar: “HAHAHA!  Oh man!  That’s gross.”

Jaime: “No way man, get that nasty notification away from me!”

 

The Hero the Fallens Deserved

1 Behold the beautiful Flatwood Forest of Hidden Springs.  It’s a vacant island that doesn’t have any visitors allowed on it because if you touch the 2D trees, you get a very painful papercut.2 The town is a little boring today, so let’s go on a mountain hike up this giant rock next to the Fallen’s house.  I bet the view up there is fantastic.3 Now that we’re on the summit look at that foggy view.  Sad that such a lovely emerald land has so much smog pollution in the far distance.  At least Hidden Springs can keep its area clean.4 The back of the mountain is a little more ominous.  The highway leads nowhere.  Don’t plan any trips outside of town, it’s almost like the FHA said, “here’s the end of the road, go get lost in the wilderness, get eaten by a bear or something.  Fuck you and your highway taxes.”5 Last chapter, Peace divorced his wife to appease the aliens, and started looking through a telescope to find him.  One logic point later, he’d rather spend money on a lab table and make potions, though.

Wrath: “What does the nerd boy think he’s doing now?  Trying to chemical your way to getting your daughter back?  Hallucinations aren’t the same thing, loser.”6

Wrath: “Hey, don’t you ignore me when I’m making a good jab at you, Peace!  You aren’t allowed to get the better of me just by ignoring me!”7 Wrath: “Whatever.  I’ll just ignore you ignoring me.  See how you like it.”8 Wrath: “Don’t you ignore me ignoring you ignore me!  With you’re one missing texture bald spot in the back of your sad low resolution haircut.  You want to try to show me up in potion making, then so be it!”9 Wrath: “You want a potions competition, you HAVE one massive beatdown coming up!”

Then she forced Jada to carry her alchemy set down from upstairs because forcing a pregnant woman to carry a heavy table makes their children born as genetic clones of their parents.10 Wrath: “And what do you think of THAT?  Perfectly blended bee hive in an old Pepsi bottle.  You can take your science and shove it up your colon, Peace.”11 Peace: “I did it!  It took about 6 hours, I’m about to wee and pass out, but I think I have made a concoction of stinky.  It will only be good to further educate myself on how to make better potions.”

Wrath: “You little shit, not just how you DARE to continue to ignore how better I am at this than you, but spend 80 fucking years mixing sulfur into sewage water and calling it a potion!”12 Wrath: “Fifty bees for your absolute bullshit!”

Peace: “NO PLEASE!  DAD!  GET YOUR MUSIC COLLECTION OUT AND TRY TO SERENADE THESE BEES INTO CALMING DOWN AND BEING NICE!  I DON’T HAVE THE COMPLEXION FOR WELTS!”13 Wrath: “Nerd.  Now that he’s finally gone, I can stand out here and calmly enjoy nature, with that, horrid, wannabe alchemy, lab, table, thing…”14 Wrath: “This thing looks stupid anyway, might as well get a closer look at it’s stupid stupidness.”

You can’t hide your wishes from me, Wrath.15 Wrath: “Ooooh wow-oh!  I created a mood-enhancer!  And I created it so much faster than Peace’s shitty potion!  I’m pretty good at this!”16 Wrath: “Yeah but this science stuff is still wack.  Whatever.”

Whatever you say.17 Cynthia: “Maybe if I dig long enough, I can find a large enough diamond that will pay a way for me to take all my children and go far far away, away from all men, for the rest of my life.”

If only it were so, dear.
18 Cynthia: “Sitting on my leg in the sand box has caused it to fall asleep, but there is some good news!  It’s my birthday!”19 Baal: “I have come to show that I care.”

Cynthia: “That’s better than being alone.”20 Holy shit they are civil to each other.

Wrath: “I forgot she was even alive.”

Marlena: “I forgot I was even alive.”
21 Wrath: “For being alive, two bees.”

Marlena: “DIDN’T YOU PASS BASIC MATH IN SCHOOL, THIS IS MORE THAN TWO BEES”

Wrath: “They brought their own friends over.”22 Wrath: “All the bees musta’ fucked you up real bad this time Marlena.  You turned into an old version of what’s her face.  Peace’s wife.  Uuuuh, Cynthia.”

Cynthia: “That’s because it is ME, Cynthia, you dill pickle.”23Marlena: “I was on my way to get rid of all Wrath’s bees. but I only made it halfway before I decided to stand here in this one spot for 3 hours.”

Serenity: “Come on grandma.  Let’s go inside before frostbite finishes off what’s left of your legs.”
24 They were actually both just standing there being dumbasses, so I made them help Wrath build an igloo so she’d get it over with before she ends up pissing herself with her pregnancy bladder.

Marlena: “Actually I think I’m just gonna stand here and supervise Serenity on her block making skills.  I supervise better than anything else.”

Wrath: “Of course you do.”
25 Wrath: “Yay!  I get to use 3.14 more bees today!”

Marlena: “I DO BELIEVE THIS IS ILLEGAL IN THIS STATE”

26 Wrath: “Ah yes.  The bees were good this year.  A wonderful harvest of honey and violence towards you.  What do you think about that, Marlena?”

Marlena: “I used to pray you’d learn to love one day and find forgiveness but now I’d really wish you’d fall off a fjord.”27

I haven’t watched one of Happiness’ shows in forever.  Luckily the game still makes him go to those things, but I don’t think he goes through with shows anymore unless I watch him at least start it.  I watched him set up this time because of the five people here that bothered to show up.  What a massive turnout!

Happiness: *Fake moonwalks*
28 Lisa: “Oh wow hot stuff!  Yes, I’d let you autograph my tits any day!”

Happiness: “Awww yeah, come give me a hug, baby!”

Your wife isn’t dead yet, Happiness.29 Holy shit, wait a tid bit.

That’s a 5-figure paycheck right there!  I’m gonna have to watch you do your shows more often.30 Good to see you’re still chugging down bloody pipes, Nascar.

Nascar:  “I have access to a lot of them now that I’m in politics.”31 Nascar: “Now I have to watch it and see if it goes all the way down…”

I think I’ve stayed way too long at the show tonight.32 Wrath: “What does a woman and a screen door have in common?  The more you bang them, the looser they get.”

That joke was so bad, the textures left.33 Wrath: “I just wanted to watch the cooking channel :)”

It didn’t want you watching it.34 Wrath: “There.  I fixed it.”

You made it WORSE.35 Wrath: “Fixing the television made me want to fix other things now!  Me and the toilet are gonna smash!”

Please don’t, we finally got it fixed since Cruelty left.36 Wrath: “Too much smashing!  The hammering sensation has scared my fetus and it’s trying to run away.”

Took it long enough.
37Btw you still have a lumpy boob, Wrath.  Really, you should get that checked out.  Or at least buy a better bra.
38 Wrath: “I hold this child up with such high regard because it’s probably the last hope I have for this line.”

Hysteria is her name.  Three girls in a row and no sons, I’m starting to think this will end up as a matriarch line.  She likes roots music, chili con carne, and hot pink.  She’s a loner virtuoso, not winning traits, but I’m really just caring to see her toddler stage already.39 Her bed room is Betel’s old storage room because I can’t care enough right now to give her a full nursery.

Betel’s forgotten ghost: “Well why don’t you just dump her damn crib in Cruelty’s and Agony’s old room!  You aren’t even using that anymore!”

Meeehhh, that’s across the hall, I don’t feel like scrolling over to it.40 Hey look at what I found prancing through the forest at 3 in the morning.

Arwing: “Call the AARP, I’m lost.”41 Rick: “Please.  Don’t let this happen to me.  I’m just standing here.”

Arwing: *Extends tongue for maximum frenching*

Run, Rick.
42 Peace: “I uh, I’m giving up on my fool plan to save my baby.  It’s not working.  So I hope Cynthia can accept my invite to go watch some stars tonight to repair our relationship.”

You’re a master of marriage, Peace.43 Much like your father, what the shit, Happiness.

Happiness: “I think I’m finally tired of the horrid way she’s raised my family, gosh darn it!  Had I known she’d be such a cruddy wife, I wouldn’t have spent so many chapters stealing her away from Envy!  Also, I’d like to tap it with the Lisa woman, so yeah44 Well damn.  45Alien Chick’s Whose Name I Don’t Remember So Honestly Tt Would Be Easier On Me If Aliens Were Given Some Sort Of Anglicized Names For My Weak Little Earthling Speaking Brain To Remember Because I Can’t: “We did get your repeal letter in the mail asking to open your custody case back up, Peace.  It was denied for the 800th time, stop trying to contact us.”

Peace: “You come in here, on the day of my daughter’s birthday, while I hold a hammer and chisel in my hands”46 Brave: “Why would you keep inviting her in here then?”

Peace: “I don’t know a lot of people, I needed guests for my party.  Hey Briana, haven’t seen you in months and months!  How have you been doing.”

Betsy: “I’m Betsy… Briana’s my sister, remember.”

Peace: “Didn’t you just hear me, it’s been months and months.”47 Charity: “Congradulations on the birthday of my neice!  To commemorate, I brought a loaf of, um, something, time to dig in!”

Nascar: “And I brought the crushed up remains of whatever I found in the grinder at work.  Mostly meat.  Not sure of what, but it’s edible probably.”48 Loaf: “No mommy don’t put me down on the nasty table!  You can’t put me down, I refuse to let go!”

Jamie: “What”
49 It took two decades for Peace to get Justice for her birthday, so by the time he located her, the guests had mostly started their way back home.

I’ll give them the slip this time.  There’s a blizzard going on outside, no one wants to stand in that for a baby’s birthday.50 Briana: “I didn’t want to stand inside of Orange!Shrek either.  I have a hundred other things I’d rather do.”

Florida Man: “I’m enjoying myself, honestly.”51Peace: “It’s ok baby, I still love you and care.”

Jamie: “I’m enjoying the party from the living room, woo.”
52 Marlena: “What… what are you doing!  You’ve ripped out my liver!  I needed that to live!”

NASCAR

NASCAR THANK YOU SO MUCH53 Marlena: “WHOA, you’re… traveling a little far down don’t you think?!”54 Marlena: “WhoooOOAAAAaaah, only my husband and gyno should be touching on that!!”

NASCAR, no wait don’t do that ew55 Wrath: “Excuse me, Pastey.  I was promised front row center to this event for years now.  Move.”

Nascar: “Why did I have to be frozen to this exact spot at this exact time.”56 Cynthia: “Happy birthday baby!  The universe has given you the greatest birthday present ever!  The death of your crappy grandmother!”

Peace: “I couldn’t think of a better present.”57 Wrath: “This isn’t fair, I wanted to be the one that killed her.”

Nascar: “I’m the hero the Fallens deserved, but not the one they needed.”

Jaime: “No, trust me when I say we needed you sooner.”58 Wrath: “Really I don’t care.  I’d rather watch the spaghetti child grow up now.”

Fair enough.  Don’t RIP Marlena.  Don’t come back to visit.  I don’t need a ghost standing all night in the hallway for the rest of eternity.59 Peace: “Ah finally.  Now we can all sit and eat at the dinner table like a family without mom wheezing in the background near the bathroom.”

Cynthia: “It is really nice, even though we are missing a member of our family sitting here right now.  I wonder where she is.”

Peace: “;-; she’s in spac-”

Cynthia: “NOT THE ALIEN CHILD, PEACE.”60Serenity: “I don’t know why I’m out where I am at the moment, but I better hurry home before the road completely severs itself from the world and falls into the void.”

Slowly Learning to do Things

1Julian: “It is time!  I finally become a man and leave the safety of my bathroom room forever!”

Cynthia: *Tries to escape getting roped into a distracting and annoying cheery animation loop and fails*

2Julian: “I thought I was supposed to grow a coat to help me survive the upcoming harsh winters.”

Cynthia: “JOHN!  Is that you?  I thought you died in a pile of garbage and IFs over at the junkyard years ago!”

3Julian finally left and instantly became a professional scuba diver, despite there not being any diving spots in Hidden Springs.  Sinking under the ground via glitches doesn’t count, but I don’t care, he’s not my problem anymore.

4Wrath: “Yes it is, since it can’t see the difference of living on the street where it belongs and living on our couch.”

Well, after I reset him, it won’t make a difference.  Goodbye Julian.  Don’t come back.

5Baal: “My fleas are holding a Marde Gras in my fur!”

6Baal: “Woo, what a party.  The festival has aged me horribly, but it was well worth it.  I’m going to go lay down and rest my weary old bones, and hope my eyeballs heal correctly.”

7Peace: “It’s so nice to no longer be carrying that mysterious baby weight I had.  As much as I miss my child, I missed holding you in my arms just as much.”

Cynthia: “And I missed this too.  Too bad we can’t go any further than this right now because of my deep seeded anger I still have towards you for accusing me of cheating.”

Forgiveness means going back to a FULL GREEN RELATIONSHIP BAR CYNTHIA, don’t make this difficult!

8Baal: “Marlena’s hungry.  She’s been bitching about it for a few hours.”

Jada: “Hopefully it will kill her, please let it happen.”

9Wrath: *Attempts to inform Jada on why her daughter was sent away to a shitty school, preferably while telling her a shitty joke, but eats her out instead*

Jada: “But this isn’t the way I wanted this to go down”

10Jada: “Your reasons of sending our stupid kid away are stupid and pointless.  Get ready for a titty down-town ground-pound.”

Wrath: “I thought I would be rewarded for sending the little hell spawn away!  This isn’t the a-tit-ention I wanted.”

11Wrath: “My wife may have given me breast cancer downstairs.  I will now take my anger out on this old bag.”

Happiness: “PLEASE NO, I STILL HAVE TO ACCOUNT HER AS MY WIFE ON MY TAXES, WRATH”

12Wrath: “No worries!  I’m out of bees, but I bought a new weather gun with my LTW points as a replacement!  Who’s ready to build a snowman?!”

Marlena: “NO, PLEASE DON’T, FROZEN REFERENCES WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LEFT BACK IN 2014!!”

13Hm.  The only thing the weather gun does is add a temporary cloud of weather.  I was kinda hoping it was automatically freeze them solid or over heat them or give them a sunburn or frost bite.  Not the torture device I thought it was.

Marlena: “EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, YOU AREN’T TRYING TO AVOID A CHILL BY RUNNING AWAY ON YOUR 120~ YEAR OLD HIPS!”

I don’t even remember how old she is anymore.  Too old.  Please leave the plane of existence already, Marlena.

14Jada: “EW.  The new baby in this house is fucking disgusting.”

That’s not a baby.  That’s a dead cat.

Jada: “I can’t tell the difference.”

15Peace: “Haha I see the local bakery has dropped by its weekly delivery!  Who’s the cakes for this time?”

Cruelty: “Who do you think they are for, you old coot?!”

16Cake: *Candles light up in Peace’s presence*

Peace: “Well darn.”

Jada: “I don’t want to hear it, he’s just becoming an adult.  Boo hoo, mid life crisis already and come rub ointment on my old joints for fuck’s sake.”

17Cynthia: “Okie dokie!  Now that my husband has run off crying about his wasted youth, along with whatever other string of events he’s always tearing up over, it’s time for our precious little princess’s big moment!”

Wrath: *Contemplates just stabbing Cynthia in the eye with the fork but then how would she eat with a nasty bloody fork, they only give sims one fork to materialize out of thin air for the rest of their lives, it would be unsanitary*

18Aaand Justice’s absolutely precious as hell.  And a great mix of genetic material too!  I almost NEVER see that in this legacy.  Although I still would like to know how two blonde parents keep pumping out black haired children.

19Do my eyes deceive me?? Wrath and Marlena… CIVIL with each other?!  Within arm’s reach of each other!

Marlena: “The lack of bees have made her safe to be around for the time being.  And I’ve also gone partially deaf in my old age, so I no longer hear her cruddy bad jokes anymore.”

20Wrath: “What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?  ‘We better get some support before someone thinks we’re nuts!'”

I am starting to think you’ve lost your mind altogether.

21Same to you!  Although you’re no longer the heir, Happiness.  I’m afraid I can’t help you.  You waited too late for me to do anything about that.

Happiness: “This ‘forever’ thing is taking forever though.”

22Peace: “Oh, the bed here is still warm where me and Cynthia were just cuddling… Oh sweet Cynthia… please actually forgive me for accusing you of slander and let me take my pants off with you again…”

Someone really just needs to focus on his kids and career right now and stop being a whiny little leg-losing baby.

23Peace: “And just spending time with my youngest… SNIFF… I should be weening two precious sweethearts right now.  I can’t, I just can’t…”

Justice: “Does he have to hopelessly sob during snack time?  Like, every single time?”

I’m afraid so.

24Baal: “I’m so desperate for food that I’ve resorted to these corpse berries in the graveyard.  Mmm, just a face full of HARAGBWLJEKGJAD *insta pukes*”

I knew to be weary of horses eating the garden, but I didn’t figure the dogs would be up in them either.

25Wrath: “And if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like that bitch hadn’t fainted at all?”

Cruelty: “We can’t just ignore it, mom.  She’s a public disgrace of our name.”

26Wrath: “How the fuck did I get out here?  I don’t work out.”

The fact that she’s doing something other than loafing around in the spot I left her in when I went to check on Peace is shocking.  Like, WOW, they are DOING stuff!

And Serenity, where are you going??

27Serenity: “RETURN TO THE TREES AND PROSPER, BELOVED WOODLAND SPIRITS” *inhales the leaf gunk*

Holy shit, WHY are you people doing things?!  You people NEVER do things on your own!

28Cynthia: “Haha, didn’t you hear, Serenity?  We really love to do things, we do all kinds of things when the computer lady isn’t watching.  We just love screwing with her head.”

Ugh, that sounds about right.

29Marlena: “Hee hee, see?  Even I do things frequently!  Instead of standing in the hallway for hours on end, I’ve decided to… stand out in the playground for hours on end!  Hah, I’m so witty!”

I hate you.

30Wrath: *Continues to absorb Jada’s face*

Jada: “And here I thought I would get no action in my old age.”

Baal: “I’m not even going to look.”

31Ahh, yes.  There’s nothing like painting the midnight sky.  Especially when said sky is fused with the lake and destroys the balance of life on earth, along with any perspective points Peace was painting.  May we all suffer little in the upcoming falling sky apocolypse.

32Peace: “She was right here… She wasn’t away from me for two minutes, and then she was gone forever… They could have at least took me to court for a custody hearing, I mean, aliens have equal rights laws, right?  Sniff sniff sob…”

Justice: “As much as I love you, dad, I want mom to come take care of me from now on.  Alright?”

33Justice: “Speaking of mom, Holy Shia Labeouf!  She’s still doing things!  It’s about time someone noticed that putt putt mat.”

Cynthia: “You know, you talk a lot for a baby that hasn’t even started learning to talk yet.  It’s really killing my focus.”

Justice: “Yeah I can tell.  You aren’t even using any of the balls.”

Peace: “Why are rocks constantly spawning on our patio?  Are we using migratory rock bait to lure them onto our property or something?”

34Marlena: “I’m still doing stuff too!  I’ve moved from the playground to the workshop shower!  I’ve been here all night!  Never tell me I’m not a busybody!”

Wrath: “I’m actually running out of serious patience and witty jokes in these situations.”

35Wrath: “Hey look.  I found more bees.”

Marlena: “WHY DO WE EVEN KEEP BEE HOUSES SINCE THIS IS ALL THEY ARE USED FOR”

36I feel like this is one of those “I hate kids”-“But you were a kid once” kind of arguments.

Marlena: “I heard he’s going through a mid life crisis and is taking it out on himself pretty hard.  That or he got into a fight with a flat screen tv.  Either way it’s a shame they called me to do something about it.  I really would hate to have to leave my spot in the hallway and let it get cold while I deal with other people’s life issues.”

37Wrath: “How do you get a baby in a mailbox?  With a stamp!”

Cruelty: “Oh fuck.  She found where we hid her shitty joke books.”

Along with a phonebook because it’s time to throw a party!

38It’s a Halloween party, so you can tell how late this chapter was supposed to be posted.

Alien Chief Gordon Ramsey: “Wow, that is the most accurate Shrek costume I’ve ever seen!”

Florida Man: “I’m… not even in costume…”

39Cruelty: “Well someone is going to have to change.”

Cynthia: “And as the elder, I don’t have to!  Haha, yaay, it’s so much fun to be an adult, finally!”

Cruelty: “Bullshit.”

40Wrath: “Hey, twiddlefuck.  Wearing your work uniform to a costume party is NOT a costume.  Lazy ass gets 14 bees.”

Cruelty: “And if you change into another damn cheerleader outfit, I’m going to throw more than bees at you.”

41Betsy: “Hey Peace!  It’s been a long time since I’ve last been here!  I have good news for you!  You and mama are going to be grandparents!”

Peace: “Actually it’s only been a couple of days…”

Betsy: “Grandbabies, Peace!  Grandbabies!

42Happiness: “You do know the dance floor is on the other side of the wall, right?”

Alien Idontknowhername: “Wrath invited me to her holloween party because she thought it would be nice for me to finally meet the man that carried one of our recent experiments for 9 months.  He sobbed the second I came in the door.  Wrath thought it was hilarious, but I have to stand back here because every time Peace sees me he bursts out in tears and it’s annoying.”

Wrath: “I like my women like I like my cereal 😉 in small boxes stored in the pantry.”

44Wrath: “Woohooo!  Time to hike up to the bedroom, I’m about to make dick jokes.”

Jada: “Who gave me this costume?  This was a terrible life decision.”

45Florida: “Lamest party ever.”

Loyalty: “I won’t say anything about my family’s party.  But yawns are contagious.  And more fun.  Yawn with us Cruelty.”

Cruelty: “I should have gone to the school with my sister and avoided this hell.”

46

Brave: *Shows up 4 hours late with no Starbucks*

Peace: “She wasn’t even invited.  Definitely still not invited if she’s going to wear the same thing I did.”

Baal: *breaks neck in feeble attempt to leave*

47Cynthia: “MY FLOOR!  HOW ON EARTH CAN ONE SMELLY HIPPIE ZOMBIE MAKE THIS MUCH MOISTURE IN ONE MINUTE”

Happiness: “I may have contributed to the puddle.  You don’t know.  There is no proof of it.”

48Brave: “Party was shit.  Bye mom.”

Happiness: “Thanks for at least stopping by and leaking all over the floor, dear.  Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”

Cynthia: “And since it was your child, you people get to mop up tonight.  Ugh.  My clean floors.  It hadn’t even been clean for one whole day…”

49Happiness: “Now this is what I’m talking about!  Winter is finally in the air, and everything is covered in a beautiful layer of icy crystal.  Everything is so beautiful when it glitters.  Just like me!”

50Cynthia: “Look, Peace!  I still know how to do stuff!  Learning how to do things is fun!”

Peace: “If only my child could learn to go to the bathroom instead of playing games in the backyard though.  I’m going to close my eyes and pretend she didn’t just pee all over the patio.

Maybe they’ll still be moving around and doing things the next time I get back to these guys.  Who knows.  I’m so used to broken games I wouldn’t be surprised if they all stand collectively in one spot and do nothing for the rest of their lives the next time I open this game.

I Demand Justice

Welcome back to the Fallens.  Last chapter we came back from an unintentional hiatus, and between the baby skilling and LTW grinding, Peace got impregnated by aliens.  So far it seems like everyone’s excited for a little baby alien…….

*Nervous laughter that devolves into sobbing*

1Agony: “Ooooh, look what I get to play with, and you don’t…”

Serenity: “That’s NOT fair!  I want an IF to play with toooo!” *Screams and smashes her thumbs off*

2There we go, now no one has an IF and everyone is equal again!  Are you two babies happy now?!

I actually think the junkyard has the entire collection of IFs now though, now that I think about it.  They remind me of little cheap McDonald’s trinkets you get in happy meals.  I’d collect them.

3Happiness: “Thank the good Maker!  Someone finally remembered I’ve been living on the street this whole time!”

That’s not my fault.  Well it could be.  Happiness has a bunch of shows he does around town, and since he’s still making us a lot of money, I can’t help that he gets confused and ends up bumming it around town because he can’t remember his own route home until like, two hours, before his next show.

Briana: “Actually I do not think we’ve ever even met.  Anyway, it’s nice to find a fellow hobo as styish as me.  What’s yo numbah?”

While we are standing outside of the school though, let’s skulk around looking at more potential heirs shall we?

4Happiness: “Ok wow, let’s not skulk for heirs anymore, I’m scared.”

Jarrett: “Wow, rude.  It’s just a poorly unrendered plant.”

He’s growing up way too fast.  I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

5Since Peace’s little alien incident, he’s been wanting to go the future and the past in the time machine.  Unfortunately, he only stays in the time machine for a couple of seconds before it spits him back out, fulfilling neither of his wishes.

Peace: “The stupid machine is giving me this “one person capacity” silliness.  It’s not funny!  Just because I’m gaining a little weight doesn’t call for jokes like that.”

6Cynthia: “Woohooed and then put back into the corner.  Is this what my life has resorted to in the end?”

You’re the idiots who’d rather stand around until you piss yourselves, so I don’t want to hear it.  Just stay there and stare out the window for another eight hours, see if I give a shit.

7Peace is rounding out the last of his skills for his LTW, and he’s taken up painting virtually everything in mosaic and grids.  I guess because he’s a genius and/or computer whiz.  I like them.  When this is all said and done, I’m keeping the majority of them.

8Yeah, taking a break from work and school, like my sims haven’t been doing that the whole time anyway.

9Fantastic choice, Wrath.  We don’t even have a swimming pool.

Wrath: “The hot tub should count.”

Yes, yes it should.

Wrath: “A hot tub full of BEES”

Let’s leave the actual planning part to Peace or someone else.

10Brave: “Oh man, bruh.  I need your help, Briana.  I’m seeing the weirdest Shrek OC I never thought I’d dream up.  Dear Heaven please pull me through this and I’ll cut back on my natural herb garden.”

Briana: “I was concerned for the giant man orange too but while you’re wearing a bikini bottom that skimpy, I’m not doing a damn thing for you, lady.”

Charity: *Agrees with Briana because she’s completely too much of a prude to even wear a bathing suit to the party*

11Briana: “Now I think I’m getting a contact high from just standing next to you.  There’s a vampire with a very tiny, and naked, butt standing here with a duck floatie.”

Brave: “Oh snap, bruh.  I think I’m seein it too.”

I don’t even have to invite Jaime to anything anymore.  He just shows up anyway.  Kind of endearing to know Happiness does still have a friend out there that still doesn’t own a decent pair of pants.

12By the way, there’s your pool for the party, guys.  Go nuts.

Briana: “I’m pretty sure that’s a trap for a drowning death.  I’m going home.”

Brave: “Same here.”

So everyone went home almost instantly and the party was “decent”.

13Cynthia: “I have good news for you, Serenity!  You’re going to be a big sister!  Isn’t that just swell!”

Serenity: “That’s good and all, but did we have to go ALL THE WAY into someone else’s yard for you to feed me, I mean”

14Jada: “Congradulation on your shitty party almost tanking Wrath.  It was so bad that I had to beat up that Brave girl and steal her bikini bottom to make up for the shitty time I was having.”

Wrath: “What does spaghetti meat balls and dead babies have in common?  They both spend a delicate amount of time in a meat grinder.”

Jada: “No one wants to eat your dead baby spaghetti, Wrath.”

15Jada: “Whoa, what the fuck was that?  That had to be the worst bathing suit I’ve ever seen anyone have the audacity to call a bathing suit.”

Wrath: “Don’t worry, I’m about to take care of that.”

16Wrath: “For thinking you can even pull that off, 9 bees.”

Marlena: “BUT I’M STILL BEAUTIFUL AT 110 YEARS OLD, CAN’T I NOT SHOW IT OFF?!”

Peace: *Background gagging noises*

17I really hoped everyone would stay for the massive birthday set up we’re hurling at half the household, but since the pool party lasted 10 seconds, that’s not the case I suppose.  Best we go on and get this over with.

18Betsy: “I’m so excited!  I actually get a cake for my birthday!  Wow, I’m just so thrilled that I’m gonna go ahead and grow up right here!”

Well I guess when I look at it this way, I save $30.  Thanks for that then, Betsy.

19Betsy was always my favorite since she rarely ever did anything wrong and was politely out of my way for the most part.  She actually grew up quite cute, so I hope she moves out into a nice little home and not where ever her sister and father ended up at.

20Cruelty: “Dear Guardian Demon of Wishes, hear my command and make it true.  I wish that I do not grow up to wear skanky hooker outfits that I’m currently forced to look at.”

21Too bad, so sad.

Cruelty: “Fuck a duck.”

She’s now a virtuoso, which is whatever bleh.  Moving on.

22Jada: “I see it’s time for my beautiful ELDER birthday, isn’t it?”

Isn’t it fantastic to be married into a legacy late in life?

Jada: “Hahaha.  Hell no.”

23Jada: “Aw, they took my sexy bikini bottom away, that’s not cool.”

Cruelty: *Becomes so disgusted with her mother that she turns into Betsy*

24Happiness: “Oh no.  I think my son ate a whole cake.”

Peace: “All this extra padding that poofed on me has upset me so much!  I feel like the only thing that’s going to make me feel better is if I go yell at my wife for being unfaithful to me.”

25WHAT

WHY

26WHO IS THIS GUY

WHERE DID HE EVEN COME FROM

Cynthia: “I don’t even know, I never have an opportunity to get out of the house!  I swear I didn’t do anything wrong and this is stressing me out!”

I BELIEVE YOU BUT WHAT THE HELL

27Peace: “WHOSE BABY ARE YOU CARRYING, CYNTHIA?!”

Cynthia: “WHOSE BABY ARE YOU CARRYING, THAT’S THE REAL QUESTION HERE”

28Peace: “Oh good gravy, I’m so sorry!  I just have been so emotional since I gained this weight.  I’m also really sad since my nose fell off, have you seen it anywhere??”

29Cynthia: “Sigh, you really have been mushy since that alien touched your butt.  Fine, you’re forgiven.”

Peace: “Fantastic!  We should really get that boom boom boom on, later, you know, whenever I lose some of this water weight.”

Cynthia: “Ah yes.  “Water weight”.  Sure.”

30Peace: “Now that me and your mother have worked out that that Van guy is a liar and a scam, let’s finally get your birthday underway, ok sweetie?”

31Serenity grew up fine, she’s now a coward though.  So I guess I’m wrong, she didn’t grow up fine.  Who forgot to potty train her?!

Me, I guess that was me.

32Peace: “Something’s wrong!  The extra weight is trying to push itself out of me and it hurts!  Call an ambulance, Wrath!”

Wrath: *Would rather tell her shitty jokes to the shower than give a damn*

33Peace: “I am now peeing my favorite color!  I’m so conflicted right now!  What is even happening to my genitals?!”

34Peace: “My… my very own baby!  Well diddly dang darn!  Not sure which organ you came out of, but I feel the love of a parent, just as I did when I found out Cynthia had Serenity.”

35Hmm… what?  No.  Noo.  NO WHAT IS THIS. WHY IS THIS EVEN A THING IN THE GAME, HOW IS THIS FAIR

I ONLY JUST HAVE 12 SIMS IN THE HOUSEHOLD THAT’S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL

NO, GO AWAY ALIENS THIS IS MINE

36Peace: “Rommach and the other aliens can go probe and harvest some other sim’s alien baby, because this one is mine.  This is my baby girl, and they cannot have her.”

37Peace: “Do you hear that, you crazy alien fuchsias?!  This is MY baby!  Touch my child, and I will swear a wrath unlike you have ever seen!!”

Wrath: “Nah, they’ve already seen me, I stand outside naked all the time.”

38Peace: “Oh, they… took my child anyway.  Ooh.”

I thought a child service agent was going to come pick her up and I was just going to kill them but, ok teleportation makes more sense…

And I can’t even find the baby in MC.  I can’t even force it to come back.  This isn’t how I wanted my first alien baby to go down.

RIP Itszumi, Itazutil, Yzma, whatever your name was.  I do hope to see you again one day, but I apparently don’t know what I’m doing.

39Brave: *Has overdosed on nature*

Wrath: “I think it’s time to set her straight on the “great outdoors”, huehuehuehuehuehue”

40Wrath: “W…wow.  She used her great natural magic to turn into a plant when I threw the bees at her.  Now I feel like I’M the one on drugs…”

41Serenity: “So you’re the big brother I heard stories about.  Granted they aren’t really good stories.  They always start like, “once upon a time, there lived a Bathroom Troll”…”

Julian: “No, that sounds about right.  Welcome to my humble abode, I would recommend you not touch anything in here.”

Obviously, Julian doesn’t touch anything in here either.

42Wrath: *Hilariously mocks Marlena*

Marlena: “WHY MUCH YOU THINK MY TORTURE IS SO FUNNY”

43Wrath: “Ah yes, I feel full and happy watching you swell with welts.  Behold, all my happy LTW sparkles are so tickley.”

Marlena: “I’M FAR FROM BEING TICKLED OVER HERE, WRATH”

44*Feels the warm tickley sensation of childbirth*

Cynthia: “WHAT’S YOUR DEFINITION OF TICKLING”

Unfortunately, Peace is busy with his LTW, and I don’t like breaking him between canvases, so just go on and birth it out here in the bathroom, Cynthia.  You’ll be FINE.

45

Cynthia: “Stinks that you have to be pink, seeing as your father really wanted another green child in his life so much that he popped one out himself.  Too bad he failed.  Ah well.  You’ll just have to try extra hard to make it up for him.”

This child is named Justice, especially since what I think those aliens did to Peace wasn’t ethical at all.  I WANT MY RETRIBUTION.

Her favorites include latin, firecracker shrimp, and the color blue, AGAIN.  Getting a little tired of all the blue, but I guess at least it’s not green.  She’s a little couch potato, and she came with good locked in, so she will be the heiress unless Serenity gets the trait as well before her YA birthday.

46Cynthia: “You will bunk with your big sister for now, Justice.  And when your father stops boohooing all over the house, I hope you two will become good acquaintances.”

Peace: “Poor little Ibbajibba won’t ever get to meet her baby sister… she never even got to meet her older sister.  This room feels so empty to me, even with the loss of just one :(”

Cynthia: “You don’t even remember her name!”

47Agony: “Well I have a surprise for you guys!  It’s my birthday!  TADA!  It snuck up on everyone!  Either give me a cake or please place your neck in between my hands here.”

Sorry about that Agony.  Not only did I forget, but I don’t think I would have cared if I hadn’t anyway.

48Agony: “Well you know who would care?  Our family car sitting in my mother’s inventory.  He’ll be my friend, I bet.”

She’s rolled vehicle enthusiast.  What a fantastic trait to waste a trait slot on.

49Wrath: “I am out of the bees.  So as her punishment, I want her to go to the Peace and Love school.”

Agony: “NO, THEY WILL TEACH ME TO LOVE NATURE AND HATE HEAVY MACHINERY!  DON’T TAKE ME FROM MY FRIEND LIKE THAT”

50Wrath: “The real reason I’m sending you away is because I’m too fucking lazy to buy you your own bed in buy mode, just as I’m too lazy to move Cruelty’s bed into your bedroom.  But here’s the deal.  Answer one of my riddles, and you may stay here with us.”

Agony: “You know what, nevermind, fuck that, I’ll just go pack my bags.”

51Wrapping this chapter up with the third child of the Florida Men.  All three of their children’s names start with a J, and I’m actually really excited to see if they will have a fourth and continue the line.  Especially since they seem all about getting knocked up two seconds after popping out the last one.