Archive | 4th generation RSS for this section

Desperation for Happiness

1Hetal: “ZOOMADAWAH”

I’m pretty sure last chapter Dee Dee and Hysteria got old.  All the adults went on vacation and the kids just did domestic needs activities, the full two days they were gone.  All the other local teens were disappointed in the teen party that never was.2On a side note, I know this is just gnomes doing their usual thing, but it looks like everyone is attending that guys funeral and his spirit has returned to everyone’s horror and surprise.

Except for the Easter gnome in the back, he’s just having a grand old time watching the drama.3In the house Hysteria came back to remember that there is still a potions table at the house and decided to wedge herself into it for a few hours.4Grace is meanwhile in the backyard, doing flips in the frozen snow and checking to make sure she still has all her coochie every fifteen seconds.

Peashooter: “The first time she tried that she kneed herself in the head so hard that now she forgets that she has done so every fifteen seconds, and therefore has to keep checking :\”

Nah dude I’m pretty sure she would have done that anyway.5Her older sister Hope has begun to slip into uselessness in her last few days of uncontrolled freedom.  She spends every fucking second beating the shit out of Frenchie in the hopes that Frenchie will get the hint and stop asking her to pillow fight with her every fifteen seconds as well.

Justice: “I’m running out of pillows because of that naughty child >;(“6Angry: “Speaking of pillow fights, GET YOUR ASS UP AND BRAWL WITH ME WICKED”

Wicked with sweat on his brow and tears in his eyes: “P-please I just got rid of my D, I just want mama to not get the whip out every time I come home from school…”

Rage: “And I just want to watch my third rate Peruvian novelas without this green filter-making plumbob that you’re not supposed to have over your head anyway but not all of us can have what we want.”7Wicked: “Oh thank God, Grace!  You saved me!  Please, talk to me about literally ANYTHING, Angry Cat was about to whip out the memory foam pillows!  Those things fuckin’ hit about as hard as bricks!”

Grace: “Do I even ask what this “angry cat” is?”

Rage: “I think it was one of those weird dolls that was government issued to us as kids, if I’m not wrong. If I’m remembering correctly you and I had one as well, Grace!  I think you had one named Snowball and wasn’t mine, like, Tub Thumper or something?”8Oh goodie Hope.  You’re still up here.  Where else would you be.

Hope: “Please Frenchie!  This is madness!  All my moodlets I worked so hard for shouldn’t be going down like this now that my family is back just because you want to marathon a pillow fight!”

Frenchie: “No bitch, this isn’t a fight anymore, this is a WAR.  You want the taste of a REAL revolution, well the FRENCH GONNA GIVE IT TO YA

Please, Hope’s got school in the morning.9Justice: “I am here to get you to stop and literally do anything else besides tear up our bedding, Hope.”

Hope: *Actually loses a tooth*10Justice: “I swear if you don’t actually go to bed for once like I told you to, I’m going to do something rash and punish you with actual chores and no tv for a week.”

Hope: “I don’t even watch tv, Rage has it programmed to just play Pobre Diabla and Amor de Madre on an eternal loop.”

Justice: “Well I’ll think of something!”11All the family is just doing just fine.  Then you have this dumb bitch doing what she does best.  Honestly I can’t even remember how I even found her this time.  12Hysteria: “I rescue her just in the nick of time and what does she do to thank me?  She pisses herself right in front of the toilet like she ain’t got no common sense.  This is not my wife.  Where’s a sledgehammer?”

You’re doing so great with my still very non-existent scoring, Hetal.  And I was working so hard to keep that from getting any worse.13Meanwhile in the two seconds I was gone to get Hetal unthawed, Justice has been fried.  Again.

Naughty cooked sims get put in the naughty ball for punishment.

Justice: “GRANDPA HELP”

Happiness: “Sleep”14Hetal: “Duh nuh… duh nuh… duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh DUH NUH”

Dee Dee: “You know I can see you.  I literally watched you “sneak” from the garage to me, it’s… not exactly your best attempt.”15Hetal: “BWAAAHAHA, IT’S me.”

Dee Dee: “Sigh, yes, Hetal.  You are very scary.  Very spooky indeed.  Your feeble attempt to scare me has prevailed I guess.”16Hetal: “You stupid cow I wasn’t trying to scare you, I using my diabolical magic to change that hideous outerwear you had going on to something less embarassing to be seen in public with you in.  You better consider it the nicest thing I have ever done for you and be grateful.  Heathen.”

Dee Dee: “You did WHAT?  YOU DID WHAT?!”17Dee Dee: “To think!  You had to undress me to dress me in this!  You… you saw me naked!  That is so unpure… so tainted… I only wished for my wife to see me in my most natural form… to think another has gazed upon my flesh, even for a task as well meaning as yours… I feel so unclean…”

Hetal: “……………..tramboleen tiem.”18Happiness: “So baby… people say I’m just a one hit wonder, but I swear it isn’t true, because I know how to hit it all night if you know what I’m sayin”

Oh God please, can you NOT HAPPINESS19Hetal: “UGH, disgusting little sparkle man, can you see I’m a married woman, with whom in quite literally only twenty yards away from us and could literally beat the shit out of both of us even if I already didn’t find you so utterly repulsive?!  Be GONE with you!”

Happiness: “What??  Please, I haven’t known the touch of a delicate woman in over 70 years!  I’m so desperate!”

Hetal: “Yes you are!  Clearly!”

Pardon the intrusion on your darling conversation, but who the hell is that20Excuse me??  Who in the FUCK are you and why do you unfamiliar ghosts keep wandering into my YARD21Leonard: “Hey baby, wanna get with a REAL man”

Hetal: “Is it Hit-on-married-women-and-get-shitslapped-by-them-and-their-wives Day or something because I didn’t get that memo…”

Happiness: “OH you’ll let an dead old guy get some smoochin’ but you don’t want it from my retired pop star self I SEE HOW IT IS”22Somehow Leonard and Hetal had a brilliant idea to play on the trampoline together for a few hours and Happiness went to cry in the basement about being so wimpy or whatever.23Hope: “Oh god, I just got home and I already sense it… I already sense the PRESENCE”

Frenchie: “Better get lubed up and prepare to bite the pillow because YOU’RE GONNA BE BITING IT”

Rage: “No really, what was that doll’s name… Teletubby?  Tom Brady?  Only thing I remember about a doll was using it to fend of a badger when I was living under the porch as a toddler.”24Grace: “Great, now I’M sensing a presence here… Jesus, is that you?  I didn’t try to feed the goldfish bacon again, I swear…”

Leonard?  Why are you STILL on this lot, you were not invited in the house!25Leonard: “But I came to tell you that my beloved Cruelty… she’s gone!  She finally left this world and left me all broken hearted (though when I think about it clearly, she’s really closer to me now that she’s on the Other Side, so why am I really all that sad)”

Grace: “Don’t know them so does it matter?  Can you knock or just not come in at all?  So rude.”26Leonard: “Oh my darling…  I have now informed your family of your death just as you wished, they don’t give a damn or even know you, but I hope you rest in peace from this…”

Hetal: *Just trying to beat the shit out of the air to make the little swish sound*27Hysteria: “Knowing I still have a hot rocking bod at this age has opened my eyes to a whole new wardrobe, and as soon as Hetal bites the bullet I’m following my grandmother’s legacy and becoming a gold digger instead.”

Happiness: “I mean, I HAVE money but I don’t know if I’m THAT desperate…”

Hope: “I have gone deaf long enough to ignore both of you.”28Really Rage.  I find you hiding away in the basement like this?  What got YOU cooked up all of a sudden?!

Rage: “Whatever it is, aren’t you at least grateful you don’t lose points from this happining?  Please say you are :(”

I’m really just concerned at this point for you teens.29At least I know how YOU got fried, Justice FOR THE EIGHTEENTH THOUSANDTH TIME

Justice: “I love the smell of fried chicken and chemicals at least :)”30Leonard: “My love… I think I have found you… and now, we shall never be apart…”

Yeah yeah, if you don’t actually part from here, someone will be joining a ghost hunter career very shortly and there’s gonna be a whole different Cruelty where you’ll end up…31Speaking of really stupid ghosts.  Hello Alex.  Been a while.

Alex: “I HAVE COME FORTH THROUGH THE CALL OF THE MOON!!!  AWWOOOOO!! AND THE SMELL OF chicken nuggets in your fridge please I’m so hungy”

Hetal: “I already ate them bitch, bye”

Dee Dee: “A g-g-ghost werewolf?!?!”32Hetal: “Oh wow you killed her.  Too bad you can’t kill me.  I couldn’t give less of a shit over some purple dead werewolf who wouldn’t been in this situation had you washed the fucking clothes right.”

Alex: “W….what?!”33Alex: “AAH, T-they… ATE THE LAST OF THE NUGGETS…”

My guess is she’s really passing out because she’s scared of ghosts, or maybe even witches, considering the only ghost currently here is herself (Leonard finally fucked off), but as soon as she “passed out” she vanished into thin air, so I have no idea what that was all about at all.  34Anyway,  I’m glad the game told me that Justice’s old work partner has become top gun now that Justice isn’t there to hold her back apparently.  Of course all that did was encourage Justice to want to return to work and we all know how well that’s going to go in the first place.35How does that feel, Justice?  Knowing your heirship is back up and you’re coming back into your LTW at just level 2.  Do you feel successful?  Do you feel like you’ve done a lot of good working in your community?

Justice: “Way to beat a woman down when she’s already fried to a crisp…”36Hey Hope, you still doing nothing but playing pillow fights with your fucking IF?  In the rain?  At 5am?  That’s expected.

Hope: “Why can’t anyone let me live my life, jeez”

Personally I’m more invested at figuring out what making all those stink lines across the street from here.  Do I even want to know?37Oh GOD.  The leaves from when the girls cleaned the yard are still here!  Betel, I thought you were cleaning all this up!  This yard is still a HELL PILE38GOD THERE’S SO MUCH STINK THERE ARE RODENTS EVERYWHERE39PLEASE BETEL I DEPENDED ON YOU, WHY HAVE YOU LET ME DOWN

Betel: *Isn’t even here, has apparently run off to the Bahamas or something*40Hysteria: “I can’t believe that dumbass Happiness let this place go to waste, and when that skeleton gets back here I’m throwing her in a tub of lye!  How dare they ruin my retirement home I’ve worked so hard my whole life to get to!  This place doesn’t deserve this mess!”41Hysteria: “Ah well.  It’s all the sidewalk’s problem now.”

Great.  Now it will never go away probably.42No really, there are rodents everywhere.  I know they are squirrels and chipmunks but really there’s no need for this high of a concentration of them…43Hysteria: “Please remind me when all this is said and done to kick my mother’s urn over as punishment for allowing this house to get into this condition.  I know she’s been dead for a while now but she still contributed to a lot of this mess.”

I forgot she was even here.  I tried to move her to the grave plot by the end of the day, but she pulled the same shit Peace did on me and her tombstone vanished and I had to reset, so I’ll get her set up right eventually.44Also I don’t think this is coincidence, but after Hysteria cleaned up all the massive moldy piles of leaves in the yard, a whole lot of cockroaches spawned in their place.  Kinda icky, but I am fasincated.

Hysteria: “And I am getting the Raid, not just for them, but for the fuckhead vampire that let this house go to this!”45I have a hinting suspicion that the vampire doesn’t care.

Happiness: “I got money”

Lorie: “You’re daddy material then”

CAN YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR CHRIST’S SAKE HAPPINESS46Would like to point out, all the kids are doing really well about doing their homework on their own (except Hope, no real shocker on why there) but both Wicked and Rage take the full time doing their homework.  All Grace does is sit down for literal two seconds and she finishes it beginning to end right there.

Wicked: “Uncle Happiness, can you tell Grace to not cheat on her homework again?  Thank you.”

Happiness: “No can do, there’s upskirt shots the new maid promised me and those aren’t going to take themselves”

Grace: “Alrighty, time to get this spread sheet done for math… G… R… A… C… E…”47Grace: “And done!  Alrighty, if anyone needs me I’m on the trampoline!”

Wicked: “This is why I actually don’t like you, Grace.”48Sabrina: “You know why I’m here you lazy and stupid loser.  And no, your birthday party was not important enough to me for me to actually put on real pants.”49Sabrina: “Also, the offer is still open to your grandpa to bend me over a table if he wants to.  You know.  Just throwing it out there.”

I’m begging me to not be so horny over this idiot for fucking once, please.50Hope: “I see Sabrina is right though.  It is my birthday!  My long awaited destiny is finally here.”51Hope: “Also I see Tenisha is here as well.  How’s our cousin Carmen.  I see you aren’t pregnant yet so I’m kinda shocked.”

I’m more concerned about that outfit. Rave up top and business meeting on the bottom.52I fixed it and finally fixed her cursed makeup and, to be honest, Tenisha really did turn to be pretty.  I know Agony is so happy to see her curse will not carry on.  She was also invited but she’s too busy sobbing her tears of happiness of her daughter’s success to show up tonight I suppose.53Hope: “And as it stands, the only person who actually even CARES about my birthday is my great grandfather, so without further ado, my birthday wish is a wish that I stood at the “front” side of this table, instead of preparing to be stabbed in the eyes by this decorative candle!”

Happiness: “Only reason I’m out here is to pout about the maid not wanting my “microphone” after all, if you know what I mean ;^; took our $125 and walked out without so much as a bye to me…”54Happiness: “Oh snap, it’s your birthday!!  HAH!  Good luck with that!”

Hope: “Thanks gramps, that’s reassuring.”

And here is my VERY CUTE, good, and very green heiress of gen 5, Hope Fallen.55In game pic doesn’t do her justice.  She is REALLY cute, and as much as I love Grace, I will never have qualms about her being heiress.

Her traits, starting with her newest, are vegetarian, good and rebellious, and she’s a perceptive party animal.  Her LTW came pre-locked before her adult stage, but honestly I do not remember choosing it, because if I did, I would not have chosen robot-creature crossbreeder as her LTW.  I find it so boring.57Gonna end here, on that note.  Have sweet dreams tonight, Hope.  Because tomorrow you start your life of grinding and forced interactions with literally anyone other than Frenchie.

Hope: “Zzz, no, you guys can’t control me, no one can hold me back and tell me what to do…”

Trust me when I say this, Hope:

f1df9e860b8ac503c3bd521e6912e3c2

Getting Away From The House

Well my job officially closed down for two weeks (thanks Coronavirus you slut, I WILL see you in hell) and since I can’t really work from home, I’m probably going to have a lot of time on my hands.  At least 14 days.  God I hope not more.

So I’m going to attempt to put a dent in some simming, get some chapters published, so I hope to at least give all my fellow quarantiners something to read or look at while we are all stuck in this situation.  I have to be productive somewhere.  I get depressed when I’m not productive in some way. 1It’s time for the family’s weekly stroll in town, just to ironically get out and leave that stuffy house and refresh all their stats in the MM.  Hope they enjoy bawking on that sidewalk the whole time because it doesn’t look like anyone gives a damn to move.2To be fair I took them to the local Moonlight Museum, which looks about as museum-y as a large bathroom.  So much variety, who knew this town had so much… air.

Alice: “I was going to make this place my wedding venue but looks like the wedding didn’t make it :(”

They may be quarantining too, Alice, you hoe.3Ok nevermind, the museum is toilet.  The family got sent to the farthest lot I could find on the map for funsies, though I didn’t think it was going to turn into a marathon race through a blizzard.4Wicked: “Not sure how I got first place since my mom had a fifteen minute head start by the looks of things but I tagged the building first.  I’m the winner, tag the building to get your reward for winning second, Alice!  The reward is a snowball down your shirt.”

Alice: “How I got roped up in your family’s nonsense is unreal!  I could be getting married in that bland oatmeal bowl of a museum by now if you guys hadn’t shown up!”5Last in the line of racers is unfortunately newly aged Justice, getting dragged behind by her cane and, horrifyingly, looking like she’s getting lost in the blizzard.  Please don’t freeze out there, Justice, I know the MM boosted you up, but you are crawling6Wicked: “Now that we are all here, we should go inside, make drinks, swap stories, all kinds of whatever cozy cabin shit people do in this kind of sweater weather.”

Grace: “Yeah, but I feel like we’re forgetting someone.  Someone old.  Someone that probably would prefer to retire in a rocker, and yelling at kids on their lawn.  Is it Hetal?”

Hetal: “I want to filay you.”7Justice, PLEASE.  You are legit concerning me.  Do you need me to send someone back?  Send out the rescue squad?  Are you even still on the same path anymore?!8Justice: “It’s ok!  I see the cottage.  And I see my whole family waited for me, they are so kind and precious to me.”9Well, not everyone, Justice.  Hysteria really didn’t bother to wait to lose her pants apparently.

Hysteria: “Not going to stand out in that freezing blizzard waiting for some old bitch who should have stayed at home instead of going on a hike in this shit.  Gonna get my tequila on, yo”

Whoever the fuck: *Boo hooing over poor dead stupid Jan*10Grace: “Well, since we are underaged and cannot legally get our tequila on, would you like to stand around and stare into the nothingness for the next five hours until one of us gets sleepy and goes home?”

Rage: “You’re lucky you’re so cute, Grace, because otherwise you would have been left in the wilderness as a baby to die.”

Grace: “That’s silly, you were left in the wild and you didn’t die!”

Rage: “I wish I did.”11Hysteria: “Alright, time for some pants.  This place clearly doesn’t have a heater anyway.  If I don’t keep my boobies at an adequate room temperature they will literally fall off.  The plastic surgery was really not that good.”

Hetal: “You mean this is NOT a lingerie party?!”12Hetal: “I’ve already been humiliated today, at LEAST let me take my frustration out on this little skank, won’t you?!”

Hope: “Oh thank GOD you got stuck on an imaginary hang up and can’t “reach me” because WHY”

Do you HAVE to try to beat up Hope in front of the whole family, Hetal?13Don’t think they are fond of the idea in the first place.

Dee Dee: “Touch her and I’ll tear your nose off, Hetal.  Just a reminder.”

Wicked: “Yeah mom, and I’ll help Dee Dee do it.  I swear you’re just ten kinds of disgusting.”14Dee Dee: “I knew you were a good kid, Wicked, but you’re just all kinds of sweet to help me threaten your mother.”

Wicked: “That’s so great to hear!  Hearing that from my future in-law, I’l honored to do everything in my power to help the mother of my love.”

Dee Dee: “Alright now that’s a bit much.”15Rage: “I want to find love one day too!  I think I’m going to craft a spell that’s going to bring all kinds of hot ass to me, just watch!”16And then I think he summoned his undead grandma.

Jin: “Why couldn’t I have died in a coat”17Justice: “You’ll have to work a lot harder to impress us into accepting you as an in-law, Wicked.  We are the household’s power couple, and there’s no way you are going to be able to top us as the best couple in the house.”

Dee Dee: “Ignore her, Wicked, she’s horny.  And she talks all kinds of weird romanticesque shuff when she’s this way.”18Justice: “Pinch pinch.  Yeah girl, you still got it!”

Wicked: “uh”19And then with that, surprise!  It’s also Dee Dee’s birthday, which even without a cake, she’s surrounded by family in a warm winter cabin, so I think she’s happy to grow up.20Dee Dee: “YAAAAAY where’s Agony”

Justice: “Hetal put some dang pants on, you got too much cootchie hanging out in front of the kids”

Hetal: “Eat ass. WOO”21Justice: “YEAH, lil mama!  Foxy fine at 79!”

Dee Dee: “Yes, Justice, we are a matching set again.  I’m so glad to have you’re heart and support even after all these years.”

Wicked: “Only I can aspire to have that kind of devotion to each other when I marry your daughter one day!”

Rage: “Dude give it a break, you know if you touch Hope again they really will turn you in to a mole.”22And after Dee Dee’s birthday, Hysteria also unveiled that it is ALSO her birthday!  She grew up with no cake, no family, and on a cold snowy sidewalk while on her cigarette break at work.  She’s not happy to grow up either way.

Hysteria: “Like fuck I am.”23Hysteria: “AUGH, WHO’S BRILLIANT IDEA WAS IT TO PROGRAM US INTO GETTING OLD”

Whoever it was, don’t let them distract you into going back to work before you lose your recent promotion already.24Hetal: “Now that that is all said and done, fucking head lock time little bitch.”

Rage: “Mom, that’s ENOUGH.  Dee Dee and Justice may not act like they are paying attention but I guarantee the second you mess with her they are going to straight up kill you.”255.3 seconds later they were fucking in the shower.

Rage: “Oh.  Never mind then.”

Hope: “I’M JUST GOING TO GO HOME NOW.”

Wicked: “My mother is just so damn toxic.”26Rage: “You’re a damn disgrace to all women, mom!  I’m fucking ashamed to even be associated with you!”

Wicked: “I disown you!  You aren’t even my mother anymore as far as I care!!”

Grace: “Now that’s something when both your children actually hate you that much…”

Hetal: “God, y’all think I give a flying shit”27While following Hope home, I ran into Dianna, who I see has aged up.  You’re looking so good, girl!

Dianna: “Thank you!  I try to take that to heart every day, granted what I have to go home to and look at in regards to my parents.”28UGH, Toaster how’s it going man?

Toaster: “You know exactly how the hell it is going.  I’m miserable.”

Well that means things are just normal I suppose.29Trying again for home, and Phillip notifies us that he is currently dating Jennie, a distant cousin mutant so it’s back into the family with those genes I suppose.

Jennie: “No one else at school wants to date someone who’s face can double as a wind turbine but he IS the football team’s best blocker so that’s pretty damn hot for me.” 30Happiness: “Oh!  Hello my son!”

Peace: “Dad.  There is something very urgent I must tell you, from beyond the grave.  I need you to follow me.  I need to show you something…”31Peace: “It’s your gnome, he’s stuck on a boulder.  I tried dislodging him by throwing rocks at him and asking him very politely but he keeps giving me the bird and telling me he’s slept with my mother :(”

Happiness: “Oh don’t worry about him and ignore what he says.  You know as well as I do that your mother couldn’t even sleep alone in her own bed, much less me, much less anyone else.”32Grace: “Now that we are back at the house, I feel we are missing someone important.  Someone old, someone that needs to sit in their retirement chair and yell at kids-”

Hetal: “Say me one more time and I’ll turn your eyeballs into salt and pepper shakers.”

Hysteria: “She was talking about me you dingbat, I’m back home now.”33And then BAM, free vacation.

Hysteria: “Well, later you little tater thots.  My plane trip will be listed as essential, as in, I’m essentially getting away from you little shits for a while.”

Hope: “Actually it’ll be a relief to be Hetal free for a couple days, bye then.”34Grace: “Mommy no!  We have a crisis going on, you guys can’t go on vacation right now!  The problem is… we currently have a dead sim in our basement!

Wicked: “Just let them go already, Grace.  It’s only for the weekend!  We will be fine!”35Currently: Not fine.

Hope: *Spills fucking oil all over the floor*

Rage: “Bed too far away!  Table too hard to navigate!  Sleep imminent!”36In the end, the kids actually spent most of the first day (and most of their second) just sleeping and catching up on needs, like good kids for once.  Rage found his bed after all and soon the other kids followed suit.37Welllll, most of them.

Grace: “~Mommy come back~~~ You can blame it all~on~me~”38Oh I do, I DO blame it all on you Grace.39At first I thought this was just Peace rummaging around in the backyard and largely ignored him.  While I was looking at some other stuff and noticed he had been playing this game all day and almost all night again, I realized it wasn’t even him.  Who are you and why are you on my property marathoning this stupid game?!40Wicked: “I’m practicing for a spell that will force Dee Dee and Justice to accept me as their daughter’s future husband, so when they come home from their vacation, I’ll lay it on them and they will have no choice but to give me their blessing.”

Angry Cat: “I’ll be honest, that’s about as evil as I think you’re ever going to get.  Your parents will probably be proud of you.”41Diddlying around, I thought this was Mephistopheles sleeping in the front yard, but then I realized he’s not…  this cat isn’t even pet-ghost colored, he’s white instead of red like he should be!

Mochi: “That’s because I’m not a ghost, I’m a pile of snow!  Don’t look at me, I’m perfectly camouflaged…”42Who ARE you weird ghosts?!???43Hope: “Please!  I just wanted to make some cheap ramen noodles!”

Grace: “Do you want me to order a pizza because I can get us not killed if you’d like.”44Grace: “Oh fish!  Did you just ACTUALLY successfully clean off that dirty grill?!”

Hope: “Uh, yeah?  Someone had to, it almost got me roasted and toasted, and it smelled like 3 year old sewage.”

Grace: “You have my upmost respect.  Now I see why the universe chose you as our future leader and heiress.”

Yeah, being just a little more cleaner than the rest of you is totally why I chose her.45Anyway, I looked in MC at the town’s current sims that have Good/Evil traits, for future spouse ideas (realized this a little while ago and it makes my life so much easier).  We currently have 21 good sims and 11 evil ones, and while most of the evil ones aren’t really all that appealing, the good ones have some real gems going on.

Like this HAMMERHEAD FUCKING SHARK46This is Tiffanie, Tyrone’s latest that I forgot he even had and OH GOD

OH GOD47Jesus Tiffanie you can pop a bottlecap off with your lip alone

Tiffanie: “Can’t everybody?”48I know I always felt like Tyrone was really close to his mother in looks and Phillip was also pretty similar but Tiffanie has proven that those genes can get twisted even harder than I thought they could by proving to be a whole ass Kaiju.49Tiffanie: “I yearn for death.”

This guy: “Get in line then I asked first”50MEANWHILE back in Normaltownville, this household has a good baby fairy that might be interesting in the future.  He’s still got some growing to do, but he might be able to catch up in time.

And his mother here is evil!  And so far, she’s the only evil sim that I seem interested in, as the others are related to us (Carmen) or the rest are face one townies, and honestly, her genes look liked they’d be fun.  She’s pushing old age though, so I don’t know if I’d make it with that one…51Oh hey Cruelty!  You’re still alive!

Cruelty: “I WISH I WASN’T!”

Well it looks like you haven’t left this yard since day one so maybe your wish will be coming true soon 🙂52Well, the parentless weekend came to an end, the kids for the most part were on their best behavior, focused on their needs, and gave me no qualms.  All good kids.

I am disappointed in you “evil” ones.

Rage: “You should be GRATEFUL I even put my pants on for the school bus this time.”53Hope: “Oh Wicked.  Soon, our parents will be home, and we can no longer have unsolicited eye contact with each other.  Oh how I will miss being able to look at your eyelids without mother swatting at me with a broom and screaming about incest.  I do still have feelings for you.”

Wicked: “Maybe one day my darling.  For now, we have to get back into the habit of staring straight ahead and pretending we can’t see each other.”

If you two don’t kill that romantic interest relationship status I’m going to put one of you in the basement swimming pool.54Justice: “Alright now you guys remember what we said before leaving the hotel right?  What stays in Vegas happens in Vegas, correct?”

Hysteria: “You dumb cow I already posted those photos on every social site that you got.  Your reputation is all but destroyed, so you might as well accept that.”

Justice: “Agony how could you”55And lastly, Carmen and Tenisha began the lovely age old tradition of cousin marrying in this family.

Ding-Dong-Ditch Dummies

The end of last chapter left Hysteria and Hetal on their anniversary date waiting for the river to freeze up enough to skate on it.  Spoiler alert, the river doesn’t freeze by the time their anniversary ends :\1Hysteria: “Well if I don’t get to play on it, I want to play IN it!  Get me a hammer, I’m going for a dip!”

Does that ice LOOK like you can just go paddling in the water, Hysteria?  Besides this is a river, you’re blocks away from the ocean anyway…2Hetal: “You know, if I keep making these apples, we can sell them, and the money we get could actually pay off one nice Red Lobster dinner, if you want to redeem this horrid idea you call a date.”

Hysteria: “Better idea.  You make apples, I take the money and buy more recipes to fuel my desire to learn.  Something good has to come out of this anniversary and it’s not going to be you.”

Compared to Justice’s and Dee Dee’s date, this one was a total failure.  I am not surprised.3Back at the house, I am trying to kill Jan off because she’s useless as a bag of wet ass.

Jan: “AAAAGHHHHH??! ARAGNWIOGN? ATJWIEOAHJDLASKAFFFFF!!”

I want her to drown, be done with it quick, but she’s proven stupid.  Overwatch keeps rescuing her so I added her as a “roommate” and locked her in, but she won’t move from that platform, which I can’t delete for bug reasons.  I even opened the room up, trying to “entice” her to make a run for it, but she won’t do it.  Wouldn’t be surprised if she starves first.4Dee Dee: “Ok stand still and just trust me on this.  Don’t want you to jump and I miss and hit the chair.  What good does a lucky chair do anyone?”

Justice: “Y-you think this will actually help me get the promotion?!”

Dee Dee: “Of course it will!  I practiced night and day for you for this, you’re going to be top rank before you know it!”5Dee Dee: “Oh shirt, that’s the “murdering rainbows” spell, not the luck spell.  Hm.  Should have read the book closer.”

Justice: *Sinuses sliced through by sharp greens and blues*6ARE YOU FUCKING DEAD IN HERE YET, JAN

Jan: “Glub glub.  Glub. :)”

Die die die die die die die die die die die die 7I actually was curious about the bat that lives under the trampoline and looked to see if it was still there.  It is.  He’s still there, enjoying his life eternal I suppose.

Dee Dee: *Busts up them fuckin kneecaps, good luck walking after that*8Hetal: “Ok I’m tired of dealing with this dumb lizard.  All it does is talk about the compositions of different minerals and its love of autotuned songs is obnoxious.  Having a dragon minion isn’t worth this.”

Ramiel: “I’m In LoVe WiD a StRiPpEr”9Hetal: “Take your nasty lizard back.  It’s pointlessly nice and I got better things to do than actually care for the needs of anything really.”

Hope: “Oh!  Wow, thanks Hetal!  You’re nice after all!”

Hetal: “You really trying me aren’t you…”10Hope: “Oh flip, I only went to get dressed for a couple of minutes, I didn’t know Sim Christmas was today…”

Frenchie: “WHAT DID EVERYONE TELL YOU LAST TIME, JIN?!  YOU AREN’T WELCOME HERE.”

Hope: “Don’t bother, Frenchie.  She can’t hear you.”

Jin: “I can hear you :(“11Carmen: “Since my psychiatrist put me on my medicine I stopped being so blood thirsty and this time I have concocted a tasty dinner for this family get-together!  It’s hay, flavored with parmesan.  Picked it fresh this morning.”

Justice: “Maybe this chair needed the luck spell more than I did after all.”12Considering the dragons in my game were all T-posing for the last year or so, I don’t think I ever knew Ramiel spits out mini plumbobs when idle on the ground.  It’s just cool and thought I’d point it out.13Happiness: “Merry Christmas to all and yadda yadda, time to see what I got this year!”

Tenisha: “No.”

Happiness: “What, WHY ARE YOU STOPPING ME, EXCUSE??”

Ramiel: *El Plumbob of floor idle*14Justice: “Oh wow!  I finally figured out how to use the chair.  Hello family.  Are we having a good party yet?”

Agony: “We would if Jin would FUCK OFF”

Jin: “You still like me right Justice”15Tenisha: “What part of hospitality don’t you understand.  It’s so rude to go before your guests!  Ugh, this guy.”

Agony: “HAH, get TOLD off by my daughter, you dingus!”

Malcolm: “Haha I like to join things!”

Happiness: “Why are you guys laughing at ME, Jin’s the one still in the room…” *pout*16Happiness: “OH, we’re getting a new maid today!  Mmmm!” *Instantly no longer pouting*

Don’t even think about it, for fuck’s SAKE Happiness I want a functioning maid for once.17Justice: “Well is anyone going to open presents or chit chat all day?”

Happiness: “How can we, the CHAIR IS IN THE WAY”

Jin: “WHO INVENTED CHAIRS ALL THEY DO IS RUIN MY LIFE”

Agony: “PLEASE, THE CHAIR OFFENDS ME”

Nadine: “What are you guys talking about?  How is this chair over here getting you all confused?”18Nadine: “Oh it is a comfy chair!  I don’t know what you guys are even having an issue with!”

So tired of these LAZY ASS HOES

Justice: “CHANGE OF TOPIC, OPEN PRESENTS NOW”19Justice: “I’m so happy all our family and friends and the lazy maid of the week can join us in our home.  We have so much to be thankful for, our health, heart and harmony-”

Rage: “Yeah yeah yeah THANKS for this Ikea box full of melted skittles, you shouldn’t have.”

Grace: “I had that SPECIAL ordered from Sweden itself, Rage!  Do you know how hard it is to get melted Skittles in that particular state?”20Hope: “Oh!  Wow.  Thanks, Grace.  I’ll um, treasure it forever.”

Grace: “His name is SIMON and you BETTER take care of him.”21Nadine: “My turn!  I know you guys only have known me for like a few minutes, so I’ll just take this one labeled “Dee Dee”, it’s closest to my name and I’m sure she won’t mind.”

Hope: “Huh?”

Dee Dee: “That’s ok, I planned on being frozen to the floor the whole time anyway…”22Hope: “Hey, when you guys plan on killing this one, give her a nice fun creative death for me for this, why don’t you?”

Justice: “Gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.”

Hetal: “So glad I see that I’ve beaten some sense into you.”23Rage: “Oh.  That look on grandma’s face… I see she’s already been disappointed.  I know no one likes her but she doesn’t deserve to get stuck with the coal this year…”24Rage: “Oh Grandma.  I’m sorry you are treated this way.  When I grow up and take the reigns of this house, I’ll make sure you’re treated better by all of us, and you won’t be bullied anymore at our parties…”25Jin: “THAT WAS A FAN FUCKING TASTIC PARTY YALL, HAD A BLAST, YEET”

Rage: “What”

Jin didn’t get the coal, she got a gnome so really she has nothing to be pouty and pissy about. 26.126.226.3AnYwAy, compared to last year, if you recall, Hysteria was gifted like half a dozen guitars, this year she only got one because the party took proper turns giving presents this time and everyone only got one, but not only that, both her son’s got guitars too.

Hysteria: “Of which I will confiscate and continue using them to bash people in the heads with.”26Justice: “Now that that is over with, it is time, for my birthday.”

Sabrina: “God I’m getting old.”

Happiness: “Shut up Sabrina this is about my granddaughter not you, go home already.”27A nice family shot of the whole family in one place at the same time.  It’s a great way to see our heiress off into her new elderly state.

Ramiel: “PLUMBOB”28Cute old woman.  Looking good, Justice!

Justice: “Can you dial back the optimism for a second, I’m 73 years old in here”29Justice: “Anyway the cake is gluten free so Hetal you’re going to have to just eat Rage’s soggy skittles…. wait, who is at the door at this time of night?”30Tenisha: “Hey guys, just checking to see if I left my will to live here.  Didn’t think I did.  Alright, laters.”

Then she left before anyone could get to the door, so that was weird.31Justice: “Anyway, like I was saying, you know what gluten does to you Hetal, we already did a round of fixing all the toilets in the house once this morning…. awh, who is at the door this time?!”32Can I HELP you, Carmen?!

Carmen: “Can anyone really help me lol”33Justice: “Carmen, it’s almost 2 am.”

Carmen: “That’s right!  Ok, see ya!”

Justice: “What is wrong with the youth of this generation…”34Rebekah: “Aight laddies and lassies, now it’s MY turn to ding dong ditch, let me show you how it’s done”

Come ON, Carmen isn’t even across the street yet!35Rebekah: “You cannot catch me, I am very fast”

Justice: “Please, I just want a piece of my own birthday cake”36Rebekah: “SIKE, I’m coming back for round two!  You’ll never catch me, I’m the prank MASTER”

Justice: “Jesus?  Are you up there?  Am I in the pits of hell because I’d like to know what I did to deserve this”

Justice caught her on the second go around and invited her in (Because that’s what I’d do to a ding dong ditcher at 3 am /s) and Rebekah left and the wave of ditchers finally left the house alone.37Jealousy: “Mother why, why did you die, I never got your cannoli recipe”

Ok, that’s weird.38Back in the house, Justice decided it was time to retire.  Which of course means she won’t make her LTW, but to be honest she’s only on level 4 and she’s not improving.  Her relationship with her partner is horrendous and it seems to be holding her down the most.  Can’t get the bitch to talk to her in person or on the phone so enjoy whatever shitty pension they give you, Justice.39Hope: “Did you know if you use these stupid yeti signs to cut your cake, you save a knife that we don’t even have in this universe from having to be washed?  The more you know!”

Justice: “At least you’re not a D- student anymore.”40Bitch are you dead yet??  I see you figured out how to get out of whatever shit you were in earlier, so how about taking another dip in the water, hmm?

Look I’ll even reward you.  You’re tired?  Wouldn’t you like a nice sleeping bag to rest in?  Maybe even a snack before bed.  Here’s some birthday cake.  Go ahead.  It’s gluten free.41HAH, SUCKER

Now wait a few minutes while I put up the walls, can’t have you snaking your way out again, now can I?42Jan: “Oh fuck off, here, take my death and go.”

OH, so it was just that easy, huh?  Well thank you Jan.  I will miss you even less than Alex.43Death: “BITCH YOU KNEW YOU COULDN’T SWIM FROM THE BEGINNING”

Happiness: “I’m actually down here for my own reasons, I have no idea what’s going on”44Justice: “Oh goodness I’m so sad and distraught for no reason?  Must be the indigestion.  Gotta zap it out before I break a toilet or something.”

Jan: “Nuuuu please remember meeeeee”45Justice: “Now that’s over, time to show you how to volcano-ize an onion, Hope.  Ancient family secret that I picked up from a magazine last week!”

Hope: “Should you really be doing that right in the center of that caustic pile of sludge?”46Rage: “Too late, it instantly combusted.”

Justice: “NOOO!  I’M EASILY FLAMMABLE”47Justice: “Hope, soon you will be having your birthday, and you will be taking my spot as the leader of this household.  They will look to you.  It will be up to you to lead them righteously and justly.”

Hope: “Yes mother.”

Rage: “And when I get heirship, I will lead the family to the strip club every night!  It’s the real American dream.”48Rage: “TOO BAD MS. JAN DOESN’T WORK THERE ANYMORE SOB”

Hysteria: “Shut the FUCK up about her, she cost us $150 a day to do nothing but come in and twerk on Justice’s grandfather!”49Happiness: “Curse you claw machine!  You’ve made a powerful enemy today by denying me my bounty!  I know where you live!  And I know what outlet you’re plugged into!”

Speaking of the grandfather.50He did get a new gnome out of the claw machine though.  I’ll set him up right between Alex and Jan just to mock them.51Ending the chapter with our lovely Phillip, who has had his birthday!  Handsome man.  Generates his own solar power with the width of his earcheeks.52After having his birthday he got a normal teenage job as a private investigator!  With that face I don’t know how private he’s going to be getting.  But sims are pretty blind, after all someone married his father.  I think he’ll do fine.

If You Like Piña Coladas

Last chapter, Dee Dee and Justice had their anniversary.  Hetal went full feral and beat the shit out of Hope.  They dislike each other but I’m pretty sure Hetal just has nothing to lose anymore if she’s beating up on children :\1Hetal: “That’s for damn sure.  Now get ready for round two.”

Hope: “Come ON.  Can’t I just have a moment of peace?  This kind of series of bad events would kill a sim in, like, 4 or something.”2Grace: “Might I intersect?  Can I just call a time out between the two of you and have an intermission?”

Hope: “Grace don’t.  Don’t get in the line of fire, you don’t deserve to have any of this abuse.”

Grace: “Don’t worry, I am a pro at handling situations that can hurt me.”3Hetal: “DO YOU WANT SOME OF THIS TOO, YOU HEATHEN ASS TART?  YOU DON’T THINK I CAN’T PUT MY HANDS ON YOU TOO”

Grace: *Logs out mentally and initializes dial up tones til the danger passes*

Hope: “Oh you know you can’t do that anyway, Hetal!  Both my moms AND Sabrina herself would probably destroy you if you hurt the baby of the family, and you know it.”4Hetal: “BOTH OF YOU, YOU BOTH ARE DISGRACEFUL BRATS, UNGRATEFUL AND IF IT WERE UP TO ME I’D NAIL YOU BOTH IN A ROOM WITH A GRILL AND A RUG”

Hope: “How can you just take all that right in your ear, Grace…”

Grace: *If you like piña coladas~~~~ gettin’ caught in da rain~*5Hope: “Please Hetal… stop yelling in my sisters face.  She has nothing between her ears other than air and love.  This is between you and me and we need to keep my baby sister out of this.”

Hetal: “Sigh.  Fine.  I’m not getting anything out of hollering at this sack of cotton candy for brains.  I’ll pick this up at a later date when my anger has replenished properly.”

Grace: “Alright, now that we have passed this can you two hug and make up.”

Hope: “Oof don’t push this.”6Hetal’s not done yet though.

Hetal: “YOU’RE LUCKY YOU’RE MY WIFE’S FAVORITE AND I KNOW BETTER THAN TO PUT MY HANDS ON YOU OR ELSE, BECAUSE YOUR GRADES IN ADVANCED CALCULUS AND LINEAR ALGEBRA IS INFURIATING ME”

Rage: “Mom please I’m in 3rd grade”7Justice: “Oh NO!  My daughter!  How long has she been out here?!  Should I call 911?!”

I don’t know if I should get rid of the all-in-one bathroom or keep it because if it wasn’t for it I wouldn’t know sims are getting frozen out here.  Then again they may be out here BECAUSE of the bathroom but I don’t know.8Hope: *Defeats the hold of ice in her muscles through the sheer rage she probably feels for her whole shitty day*

Justice: “Thank goodness, because I don’t think Dee Dee would accept me getting pregnant again and have a Hope 2.”9Wicked: “Don’t mind me, I was just coming out here to do my homework over my not-girlfriend’s frozen not-corpse.”

Hope: “Mom I don’t understand why does everyone hate me…”

Justice: “Oh Hope, don’t be silly!  We love you!  We all love you!  Wicked is weird about showing it and Auntie Agony is weird about everything and Grace told me Hetal yelled at you earlier and if I catch her doing it again I will splay her decapitated head on a spit on the roof of the house, don’t think I effing won’t, but she also still loves you in her own way.  She’s just “special“.”

Speaking of Grace, she’s out there playing that damn stick game, this whole time, watching her sister become frozen and slowly die, Grace are you really that oblivious?!10Grace: “Huh?!  Hope got Frozen?!  My favorite character is Olaf.”

*Throwing stick coming down for the landing*11Grace: “Now where oh where did my throwing stick go…”12*The sound of wood hitting hollow wood*

Grace: “Ouch!  Hello, is someone there?”

I still love her.13Wicked: “Ah, my lovely little blueberry.  I have already finished with our project assignment, and if you want, I’ll give the answers for you for a sweet kiss from your lovely lips.”

Hope: “Not this time Wicked.  Last time I got the answers off of you I had to explain to the teacher why we both thought pizza was a vegetable, and if I want to get rid of these D- on my cards I got to do this on my own.”14Wicked: “Oh would you look at that!  I figured out how to make apples!  Does this mean I’m really an apple tree, Aunt Dee Dee?”

Dee Dee: “Um…. you’re, um, you’re getting there.”

Hope: *Figured out that putting on warm clothing makes the blood circulate a little better, see, both children learned something tonight*15Justice: “Well, now that that has been taken care of and you are safe and warm, you must go to bed.  It’s four in the morning and you got school in a couple hours.  I know you aren’t going to make it but at least try.”

Hope: “Sleep, yes.  I understand.”16Hope: “But what if… I DIDN’T go to sleep…”

See this is why I don’t even bother having anyone ask you guys to do anything, you’re just wasting the time it takes to ask you to do the things y’all just ignore.17Hope: “Aww, PLEASE?  Just one chicken patty, I just want to make breakfast at least before school.”

Hetal: “Fuck you can’t you see I’m busy pressing this nasty mess that’s been marinating on this grill probably since 2017 so that it’s good and hard into the grill?  Can’t let it get loose and actually coming apart from the surface, now can we?  Can’t have you losers not getting your daily healthy dose of salmonella.”18And then of course.  Gee, Hope, I wonder what you could have done to prevent this tragedy.19AH YES, a nice and hard and cold bench instead of your warm bed, it’s like you enjoyed getting frozen solid last night.20TIME FOR ANOTHER ANGRY RUN WITH HYSTERIA AAGGGUHHHH

Hysteria: “I’m actually starting to enjoy these one on one sessions you have with me uwu”21Afterwards I may have returned home too soon for my frustration levels.  It seemed like almost just for Hope’s sake alone, the family finally got a snow day so she didn’t even have to go to school!  Where did I find her when Hysteria got back to the house?

On a NICE AND HARD AND COLD BENCH STILL.  IN THE PLAYGROUND BEHIND THE SCHOOL.

Why even GO to the school still on a day you didn’t even have to GO?!

Hope: “Maybe if someone took pity on me and thought I was homeless they will treat me nicely and say kind things to me :(“22Hysteria: “Hey, the town bikes are in the front yard, are we having another stupid present party again or something?!”

Sabrina: “Rude, you just said you enjoyed spending time with me on your jogs…”23Rage: “Nope mother!  It is time for my balls to drop and our weekly supply of birthday cake to be delivered to the front yard!”24Hysteria: “HOOKER”

Hope: “PLEASE YOU’RE THE LAST NICE AUNT I CAN RELY ON”25Rage: “So happy my mother can take the time to join me on my bat mitzvah celebration.”

Do you mean bar mitzvah??

Rage: “What, no, there’s no bats!  I want bats!  Why would I want bars?”26And just as Rage blows out his candles, the opposing country’s forces drop a nuke somewhere and WWIII finally starts.

Hetal: “FUCK.  YES.

Hysteria: “Now THAT I will celebrate to!”

Hope: *Sob sob sob cry still*27While Wicked may be good looking, Rage still looks pretty swanky.

So far no evil trait though.  However, nurturing?  Why, Rage.

Rage: “Watching my moms abuse my sad cousin kinda makes me wish I could pat her on the back and tell her ‘good job champ keep up the good work’ and then take her out for ice cream and football.”age992ehtfsyRage’s idea of being supportive and nurturing is just this one panel on the chart.28Rage: “Speaking of children, oh fuck, the nuclear radiation is setting in”

Phillip: “YOU ARE NOT BEING NURTURING AND SUPPORTIVE”29PHILLIP, HI.  How’s life?  You enjoying standing on the far side of that field watching my family solemnly and not moving for three hours in the snow?

Phillip: “Human interaction fascinates me and horrifies me at the same time.  I cannot look away.”

Depends on what your eyes are allowing you to look at, define looking away.30Rage got Hysteria’s (lol Agony’s) mouth, but being a male he cannot fully obtain those Thicc Chonkers that his mother hoists around all day?  This is an outrage.  I demand equality!  Men deserve Angelina Jolie bubble lips too!!

Rage: “Hey mom?”

Hysteria: “Hm?  What is it, you mouth breather.”31Rage: “Ththththththth”

Hysteria: “Make any more snake noises at me and I’ll knock out the rest of those teeth you pleb.”32One of Hysteria’s few opportunities for furthering her career instantly cancelled itself out because apparently you can’t argue with a sim when they’re dead.33Despite the same time it cancelled itself out the sim in question was porking it up with her boyfriend and making more goblin/ghost babies.

Frida: “The reason it says I am “no longer available” is because I’m pants down, ass up, and if she comes in here thinking she can outshout me she has another thing coming.”34Happiness: “My very eventful and stressful day is always put at ease whenever I sneak into my great-granddaughter’s room at night to meditate under the essential oil diffuser.”

Hope: *Dreaming of exactly what she thinks of her Grampy Happiness*35Dee Dee: “Oh Malibu Ken.  My life has become so grand after my anniversary with my wife.  She pays more attention to me and awakened the long lost connection I have with magic.  Everything is so much better.”

Grace: “I made this and he is my best friend since Swedish Meatball ran away and got hit by that Mercedes Benz.  I want everyone to be nice to him and not hurl him in front of anymore Mercedes Benz.  His name is Simon and his favorite food is not apples.”

Dee Dee: “Ok I still have ONE concern”36Dee Dee: “I’m still putting in an effort to practice my magic.  I am currently practicing to make sparkle hearts for my wife when she comes home, but so far all I can make are sick and limp lima beans.”37Dee Dee: “Instead I shall summon some wands for my family!  All the witches and warlocks in my household now get wands!  I know they already came with wands from birth (I will not insert a pun here at the respect of my family) but I think giving them new wands will actually awaken their inner nature of wanting to use their natural abilities!”38Hetal: “You really think you can just pull this goody two-shoes act on me and win me over with my favorite color of wand that I’ve always wanted as a little girl and wished for Santa and Satan to make my lifelong dream come true?  Hell no!  I’ll have you know that nothing you or your horrible offspring will do that will make my life here in this hellhole you have created any better and furthermore”39Dee Dee: *Had stopped listening to Hetal since “you really” and is contemplating if life really is worth living if she doesn’t have any piña colatas and getting caught in the rain just constantly gives her wife the flu* “I should as Malibu Ken, he would know…”

Well at least I see where Grace gets her airiness from.40After giving them out, the first sim other than Dee Dee to play with their wand is Grace, kinda unsurprisingly enough.

Grace: “I tried to get the gnomes to clean up the dishes for me but so far all I have gotten him to do is twerk but I say I’ve made progress.”41SPEAKING of DISHES.

Happiness: “I made this table just for the sole purpose of having those poor lobsters end up here after death and waste away.  This is true performance art.”42I sold it and INSTANTLY Happiness was like NO and rushed down here so fast he faceplanted his ass right into the newest block of dirt and went to work.

Happiness: “I was waiting for you to do my dirty work, about time!  Now I can get to work on my next masterpiece!”

Don’t suffocate please.43Happiness: “This is the incorrect way to stake a vampire!  See, I’m perfectly safe as long as the stake is not inserted at a 79 to 105 degree angle.”

Keep trying, Happiness, I’ve watched sims die for lesser and dumber shit.44Hetal: “Do you remember what today is for us?  It’s now our anniversary, Agony!  Now, for our day I need you to take me to Olive Garden because if I don’t get my bread sticks soon I’m going to combust.”

Hysteria: “You consider yourself lucky I don’t make you combust any day of the week.  That’s all I’m doing for that stupid “anniversary” bull.”45But Hysteria couldn’t completely hide her heart from me, as she wished to skate on a pond with Hetal, just like they did on their first date.46Hysteria: “Bad news bears, bitch.  In the time it took you to waddle down to the river, the ice went from skatable to too thin to get on.  This is your fault.  You better have a way to make up for this.”

Hetal: “Well then.  Here.  I packed a lunch picnic because I knew you couldn’t come through.  It’s not poisoned at all I swear.”

Hysteria: “Oh yum bitch, give”47Jan: “Really not feeling cleaning this nasty house.  Just pay me and lets get this over with so I can go home and get my Netflix on.”

Oh FUCK YOU ROYALLY, Jan.48DO YOU LIKE SWIMMING POOLS JAN

BECAUSE YOU GOT NO CHOICE NOW49I don’t even care about using moveobjects on her, she’d just warp out of it anyway.  Prepare for your death, you useless woman.50Ending the chapter with another townie update.  Jarrett’s spawn, Keri, is proving that his strain of Florida Man is diluting nicely into the local community.  Another gen or two and his descendants may be flawlessly integrated into society.  I think that’s what Jarrett would have wanted.  Although he just had another baby named Ramon so there’s still some chance he’ll dick it up.

A Magical Anniversary

1So lately I have been getting a lot of these kinds of notifications in my games, where it says “it’s been a year since so and so!”, and I thought it was just the game mocking me because I haven’t played with my families except on nights only when the planets align perfectly, but this one is the first I got that didn’t mention a work anniversary.  It’s for Justice and Dee Dee’s wedding anniversary.2This HAS to be part of a patch or something in the time I didn’t play, because today on the day we return to this family, these two even get a moodlet for the event.  So you know what that means!  Time to celebrate!3Justice: “I got some good news my love!”

Dee Dee: “You are planning on getting more clothes to keep from catching the flu and bringing it into the house?”

Justice: “I should but that’s not what so important about today!  It’s our one year anniversary!”

Dee Dee: “OH.”4Dee Dee: “I uh… I didn’t even know!  I didn’t even think in our sim culture we even kept track of things like that!  Uhh…. I didn’t get you a gift in advance, but HERE!  I made you an apple.”

Justice: “GASP.  You MADE me this.  Automatically too, I never see you ever present me gifts with magic… I will treasure it forever.  My love for you grows every day.”5Justice wanted to make Dee Dee’s favorite dish for the anniversary day, but since her queue is filled up with hell and I wasn’t even sure if Justice even knew how to make a cheesesteak, they did the next best thing and went on a romantic date at the town’s bistro.  In their wedding dresses.  Instead of outerwear, like they did at their wedding.  Just to taunt me.6Also I don’t really know if there’s a nice bistro in town.  The nicest restaurant I think this place has that wasn’t also the grocery store, is this place that looks like it set up shop in a bought out pharmacy from 1949.

Dee Dee: “And an absolute JEWEL of a restaurant this place is too!  Only one in town with a five star rating, especially after they replaced the 100 year old asbestos insulation.  Now that it’s no longer dry rotting into the food, this place is perfect for our date!”7Hysteria: “Alright little shits, I have brought you all to the beach because my cousin and her derpy wife are on a date, and while they’re out having fun, I felt we all should have some fun too.  We’re here at the beach now.  Go run, let loose and have some fun.”

Hope: “Wow, Agony, that was the friendliest thing I have ever seen you do!  I commemorate you.”

Hysteria: “You will be the first one I drown in the undercurrent, Hetal.”

Hetal: “WHAT DID I DO”8Wicked: “This is such a lovely venue.  Even though it’s the beach, this snow is so pure, and beautiful, just like my love for Hope.”

Grace: “No please!  I… I have feelings for you Wicked!  I like you so much!  Reconsider your love for my sister for mine!”

Maybe this was a bad idea, please NO ONE interact with each other.9I see the date is going so well.  Dinner got cancelled just so the women can play in the snow.

Dee Dee: “Deep down we are still children at heart.”10Justice: “This child at heart wishes I picked out a wedding dress with sleeves.”

To be fair you could have put on your outerwear, Justice, but I guess that’s also a wedding dress still too…
11Dee Dee: “No, really, why DOES the town look like it’s developing an unsettling amount of fog?  Did we actually make the transfer to sims 4?”

Looking back on it, I think I lowered the graphics settings on the town a few months back to make the game play smoother?  I’m no longer even bothered by the fog.  It kinda looks nice.12Hey, when I said don’t be gross and don’t interact with the girls, I didn’t mean to not do anything at ALL.

Wicked: “Can I not sit here for three hours in my sad depression?  What’s a upset, cock-blocked teenage boy to do?”

Not be straight out boring, that’s what.13Hysteria: “I have gathered you all around this fire so the other beach goers don’t think I don’t love you all.  Well no, they’re right, I don’t love any of you.  But fist fighting the social workers are not on my agenda today.”

Hetal: “I don’t know who this woman is, I didn’t marry someone so kind and thoughtful, but I’m liking it!”14Hysteria: “And I’M hating it.  So enough of that, mooshy gooshy feel good shit, I’ve reached my quota of good doings for a month” *whips fire to death violently*

Hetal: “Hey uh, Hope, where in the clammy center of hell is your sister going?”

Hope: “I’unno.  I’m not her keeper.”15Grace??  Where you going, girl???

Grace: “Off to do my homework :)”

GRACE???  THAT’S NOT WHERE YOU PROBABLY NEED TO GO16Oh hey Juston.  What brings you out swimming at the beach in this -4 degree hell weather?

Juston: “I saw somewhere on tv, I think, that cold water is good for your hair follicles and promotes hair growth?  I thought what better way to REALLY promote some growth than dipping in the coldest water I know of!”

Well.  Good luck with that.

Grace: *Diverts at the late minute after realizing the oceans don’t contain her homework*17Hetal: “I’ve had it with that goody-two-shoes act of yours.  I didn’t raise you to be some touchy feely, whale saving little shit!”

Hope: “For the eight hundredth time, you didn’t even raise us…”

Rage: “I hear alarms going off between those two.”18Dee Dee: “Hey.  Look what I found in my pocket.”

It’s a magic wand, something I gave to you day one when you moved in!  I long figured you’d ignore it forever.

Justice: “Comfortably sleeping.”19Dee Dee: “Hey, did you know?  That I can do magic?”

Justice: “Well to be fair, I knew from day one you could, but I never figured you ever would.”20Dee Dee: “The real magic is the family we have built and the love we have shared over the years.”

Justice: “Well that’s nice too, but I was hoping you’d use your real magic to make us some coats, or at least finish this snowman instantly, my fingers are falling off.”21Hetal: “I was so busy plotting your demise, I didn’t even notice your idiot sister has finally drowned in the ocean.  Good job with that one.”

Hope: “My sister is not dead!  My sister… isn’t even here.  Huh.  Where did she wander off to?”22Grace: “Tell them to not worry about me!  I decided to swing over by the local pool.  To pet this silly half frozen puppy and do my homework.”

REALLY23I only looked at your parents for a couple of seconds, and in that time you manage to ABSCOND all the way to the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN?24Grace: “I don’t know what you’re hollering at me for but it’s not necessary, I’m just trying to find a good place for my social studies homework.  Now only if this dumb project will do itself.”25Grace: “Well what do you know?!  It DID do itself!  Harvard scholarship here I come.”

Yeah good luck with that and don’t get lost on your way home.  I’m sure you can figure that out on your own too.26Hope: “Agony forced us to return home with her just in time for us to witness mom putting a spell on other mom.  If this is their way of saying they’re getting a divorce I want to go live with Granddad Happiness.”

Dee Dee: “Why, Hope!  Don’t be silly!  I’m just giving your mother a “proper” anniversary gift to end our night together!”27Justice: “No, PLEASE!  Don’t turn me into a frog, Dee Dee!  I’m sorry our dinner plans gave me gas, I promise I’ll learn how to make cheesesteak as soon as possible!”

Dee Dee:  “What?  …No, just hold still and give me a second to remember the spell!”

Rage: “Do what you guys want but if you two don’t shop shouting over the volume of my favorite tv show I’m going to ruin the lives of both of you.”28Wicked: “Um, I hate to say it, Rage.  But this isn’t your favorite show.  The tv is just busted.”

Rage:  “ShhhhHHHHHH!  Shut the FUCK up.  Is everyone that determined to over-talk the tv?!  I’m missing my favorite part!”29Justice: “NO!  I REFUSE TO BE A TOAD!!”

Dee Dee: “NO!  YOU SPOOKED ME JUSTICE!  The spell!  It’s BACKFIRING!”30Justice: “NO, I DON’T WANT YOU TO BE A TOAD EITHER… wait, rainbows?!  What’s this?!”31Dee Dee: “Yeah… I was casting a good luck charm on you, Justice.  To end our anniversary day on a good note.  But when you spooked me it backfired, now I’m stuck with the spell.  Why… why would you think I would just turn you into a toad?”

Justice: “Oh! Well it’s the only spell I ever heard about happening to sims, I just thought you were trying to be funny or something, but I’m sorry, I should have thought that one out…”32Dee Dee: “You are so silly, my love.  But that’s why I love you.  May we have many more anniversaries together as magical as this one.”

Justice: “Til death do us part my love.”33Justice: “AH YOUR GUCCI STILETTO CAUGHT MY TOE”

Dee Dee: “Shoot, I’m sorry!  Maybe the spell completely backfired into bad luck, I should probably lock myself in a padded room for a day or two til it wears off…”

Hetal: “Goodnight, I’m off to set your bed on fire.”34And so my first sim’s wedding anniversary event came to an end, and these two had such a wonderful time.  And Dee Dee learned how to do magic all on her own.  Whether she will cast more spells in the future or this was just a one time trick she just happened to try on her wife, we will see.35Only after all that was said and done, though, did I realize that this was NOT Ramiel, and I have no idea where the dragon has gone…

Crocolisa: “Oh um *dragon noises* oh fuck it idk where he’s gone either, I’m just trying to listen to my Kids Bop in peace, leave me be.”36The following morning, Hope has ONCE AGAIN mysteriously COOKED HERSELF AGAIN.

Hope: “I only take my showers DANGEROUSLY hot.”

Grace: “I’ll invest in some aloe vera lotion and gauze.  For now, how do you like your eggs.”

Hope: “DANGEROUS.”

Grace: “I’ll just ask the others.”37Grace: “Hey Aunt Hetal do you like your eggs scrambled or fried”

Hetal: “I’D LIKE THIS LITTLE SHIT DISEMBOWELED AND STREWN ACROSS THE LAWN”

Hope: “I JUST WANTED TO GO PEE”

Grace: “Sunny side up it is!”38REALLY, Hetal?  Do you feel better beating up a teenage child?!

Hetal: “This is what you GET for even THINKING about crossing me, you ungrateful heathen!”39Hetal: “This is just a TASTE of what’s to come if you keep thinking you stand a chance against me and my ultimate magic,  Hope Fallen!  You better think on it if I ever catch you thinking about looking at my son romantically ever again!”

School bus: “Lol child abuse isn’t my business, beep beep :)”40Hope: “Sweet baby bouncing lord and savior I wasn’t even going to, that’s gross”

Hetal: “MY SON IS NOT GROSS YOU HARlOT”

Grace: “Hey Hope, don’t worry about missing the chance to pee pee, I did it for you!  I’m the best little sister ever :)”41Hope: “Sigh, if only my sister knew that doesn’t work.”

Hope is having the worst day of her life today.  Poor Kid.42Wicked: “I don’t understand.  She gets on the bus smelling like soot and urine, and won’t even make eye contact with me?  Have I done something wrong?  Have I ruined our relationship already?  She hasn’t even talked to me since prom, Grace, what am I doing wrong?”

Grace: “Oh Wicked.  It just isn’t meant to be, I’m sure you understand.  However as a future family reject, our love may stand a chance, please.  Consider me and my feelings I hold deeply for you.”

Driver: “The fuck is wrong with this nasty family”

Hope: *Silent sad cry*43Rage: “I didn’t even get no fuckin eggs, gdi Grace”

Not an excuse to miss the bus, Rage.  If Hope can get her ass beat, get put in time out, break out of time out to piss herself and STILL get on the bus, you have no excuse.44Rage: “AAHHH, Aunt Dee Dee!  I’m sorry I missed the bus please don’t beat me up…”

Dee Dee: “Why would I ever beat you up, I don’t condone violence and I don’t condone child abuse now go shovel snow for seven hours until I determine you’ve been punished enough for missing the school bus.”45Ah.  So that’s where Ramiel went.

Hetal: “That’s right.  And you cannot just “take” him out of my inventory without commanding me to do so, so therefore, this is MY dragon now.  Hope will never see her inheritance so long as I hold it in my grasp!”

Dee Dee: “Mmmm, tasty sandwiches, cannot hear anything, no care”46Hetal: “And with this dragon, I will corrupt and raise him to be my evil henchmen and when he grows to his full size we will ravage the country side together as a duo!”

Ramiel: “I can summon rocks :)”

Hetal: “And evil rocks they shall be.”

Well that’s just swell.  So much for Hope having a good dragon in the future.47Ending the chapter with Happiness thinking he can just sneak back into the house and thinking he can just hide from me like I can’t see him.

Happiness: “Well you can’t!  I MEAN… chair noises.”

Crocolisa: “It doesn’t work dude, she can see through our lies.  Trust me I’ve tried.”

Autumn Aesthetics

1Today, we join Hysteria in a nice afternoon (“nice”? looks like sims 4 smog up in this shit what the hell happened to this town all of a sudden) jog just to get out of the house.  Just away from the constant boohooing that was still going on over the death of Alex.  Only 12 hours to go and no one wanted to do anything but stand around and BAWL BOOHOO FURBIE WAH ALEX, so I spent the day just having Hysteria exercise.3It was hardly enjoyable though, since Hysteria spent the whole time just flexing her face violently.  I suppose it’s practice on how to use her features like a normal human being.

Hysteria: “Once I get my facial features in proper place, flexed, and toned, it’s all over for this hell town!”2Hysteria: “COME ON CHEEKS, FEEL THE BURN”4Hysteria: “LET’S GO EYEBROWS, I WANT SOME HUSTLE, ONE TWO ONE TWO, HURRRGGN”
5Hysteria: “Oh hello good sir good afternoon we are having isn’t it”

She’s becoming very skilled.6Now that the boohoo fest is over, Hysteria returns home to find the teens went to prom and I was never informed that prom was even coming up WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME, GAME?  IT’S MY FAVORITE TEEN EVENT

AND WORSE YET, I FIND OUT WITH THIS NOTIFICATION

Justice: “EW, WHAT?  IN MY OWN HOUSE?  SOMEONE STOP IT”

YOU STOP IT, IT’S YOUR DAUGHTER7I rushed over to the school only to find after that notification, Hope walked out of prom instantly.  GOOD GIRL.8Oh wait, she walked out of the school to do this.  That’s not good.9Dayvid: “Mmmm, ripe for the taking”

*readies fucking pepper spray* Back off bitch10Grace: “Oh ho!  I have noticed that it is a waning half moon tonight!  You know what that means… it’s BIRTHDAY TIME”

Seriously, does my game not give me notifications anymore?  Oh sure I get told every time some Joe Schmoe gets a job as a toilet cleaner at the hospital but nothing on this??
11Oh, oh NO

CUTE

MAJOR CUTE ALERT12GIRL

You have NO business being this PRECIOUS13Hetal: “Well this is major bull.  The last of them is also a teenager.  Too stringy.  Overripe.  Not tasty.”

Grace: “Wat”

Rage: “Can y’all not while I’m trying to sleep? I got a major school project I got to miss the bus for in the morning.”14Another photo, just for good measure, just for the cute. However now it’s time for the sad news.

Her latest trait is now animal lover, which means she is not viable for heiress!  NO!  How can my heart be this broken, Grace?!

Grace: “Sorry about that I guess?  I was just thinking about all the kitties and puppers that need smoochies in the middle of my growth spurt and couldn’t help myself.”15Back at prom… Wicked got Prom King, but… as a joke?  Don’t think I’ve ever seen someone give this notification.

Wicked: “My whole life is a joke, haha :)…. LAUGH AT ME IN MY FOOLS CROWN YOU ASSHOLES”16Schoolmate: “I LAUGHED ISN’T THAT WHAT YOU WANTED”17Wicked:”Prom was the shit.  I got through force the title of Prom King, and fell in love all in the same night.  Now where did my princess run off to?  Did her carriage turn back into a pumpkin?  Because I got a spell I’d like to lay down on her…”

No you AIN’T, you better not interact with her for the remainder of this stage.18Hysteria suddenly wanted to do magic as well, but in the form of potions-I MEAN ALCHEMY MIXES19Fuck I said potions and Justice must have heard me

Justice: “Just one little potion, that’s all I want right now… YES!!  Ok just one more…”20Hysteria: “What… what IS THIS?!  HETAL?? WHY DID YOU LEAVE MY LAUNDRY ON THE LINE OVERNIGHT IN THIS WEATHER”

Um, Hysteria, that’s not the priority…
21Hysteria: “Hetal, I’m ashamed of you.  Now these things are hard as a brick and I’m going to have to wash them all over again.  You are so undependable.”

Hetal: *Begs for rescuing, please no one deserves to die in a teddy and black crew socks*

Hysteria: “Well you should have thought about that before you left my sensitive sweaters on the line, now shouldn’t you!”22Hysteria: “Oh for fuck’s sake, FINE, but next time my delicates get frozen like this you’re on your own” *Aims directly at the ass with high heat* 23You are very lucky, Hetal.  Had Hysteria not come out here to do her laundry I may not have ever even looked for you.  Because you know.  Whatever.  Be grateful.

Hetal: “Sob, ughggungghuh sure…”24Hetal: “Oh would you look at that!  It’s SNOWING already!  I can’t believe winter is here!”

Hysteria: *So bewildered by her wife’s raving stupidity she imploded into new outerwear*25Hope: “Totally can’t wait to turn this thing up to 11 and test it out, thanks for coming down here and supervising, Aunt Agony, I always feel safe with you around!”

Hysteria: “No problem, I’m just here to find out what’s a good spell to use once I get the soul of a dead and pulverized virgin…”

Hope: “Ha ha… where would you even get that?”26Hope: *Becomes good and pulverized*

Hysteria: “BAH, no good.  All I can find in the index is a recipe for getting rid of the white cloud on glass.  I can do that with just plain vinegar so that’s just a waste of virgin…”27Hetal: “Did you know, I know it’s going to come as a surprise, but I’m actually a witch?”

Hope: “Oh Aunt Hetal, that frostbite did more damage than I thought it would…”

Hysteria: “Maybe if she put on pants this wouldn’t have happened.”28Frenchie: “You should totally tell her I’m her ghost of Christmas future and I’m gonna haunt her until she stops being so mean!  It’ll be fun!”

Hope: “As good of an idea you think that is, Frenchie, I’d rather not have her burn the house down trying to get rid of you.”29Hetal: “Hey.  Queueball.  I CAN see you.  What part of witch did you not understand, you little shit?”

Frenchie: “Oh crap oh no, please don’t hurt me ma’am, oh God, oh poo”30Frenchie: “Oh SNAP, I recognize that FIGHTIN’ STANCE.”

Frenchie: source

31Hope: “No, Frenchie is right!  If you don’t shape up and stop being such a horrible person, you won’t be part of the New World Revolution!”

Hetal: “Fuck your revolution.”32Hope: “Wow… that… that was just rude and hurtful…”

Hetal: “Good.”

Hysteria: “FOUND IT!  I knew there was a good one in here!  ‘Use one soul of virgin in this sulfuric mixture to create a tincture to turn your enemies into disfigured abominations of God for all eternity’!  Totally want to try that one.”32-5Meanwhile Dee Dee and Wicked are being the complete opposite of Hetal and Hope.  Why can’t you two be like these two, guys?

Dee Dee: “Did you know, I am also in fact, a witch?”

Wicked: “No way!  That’s so cool, Aunt Dee Dee!  You should totally teach me some cool spells sometime!”

Angry Cat: “PUT ON A FUCKING SHIRT.  YOUR NIPPLES HAVE ALREADY FROZEN OFF FOR FUCKS SAKE”33You know what we haven’t had in five minutes?  Cute pictures of Grace.  Got to fix that.

Grace: “Huh?  Oh I mean, sure.  Don’t mind me, I just have one thing on my mind.”34Grace: “Fall was where it was at!  So aesthetically pleasing!  I just love the beauty in the leaves during this time of year!”

I mean… you’re a season late but I won’t stop you…35Jan: “In this weather?  Something’s not right about that kid.”

Don’t remember asking a lazy HOE, JAN

Grace: “Eeee!  Comfy leaves!!~”36Grace: “The beauty of nature.  The feel of the leaves on my bare skin… the colors, the crunch… I just love autumn so much.”

Jan: “Don’t come to me when she gets pneumonia then.  I’ll just say I told you so.”

GO ON WITH YOURSELF, JAN37Although she did spend the remainder of the day playing in the snow covered leaves.  Hm.  Maybe taking Swedish Meatball away from her that late in her childhood was a bad idea after all.

Grace: “Oh Fall, you’re my best friend now”38Checking in on Rage.  Rage?  You still alive?  Yes?  Ok good, later then.

Rage: *In Moth Mode*39Wicked: “Cat?  Did you let in this stray zombie?  You know mom’s just going to impale it and leave it in the front yard on a pike as a warning to the whole town as to what happens to zombies wandering in our yard.”

Angry Cat: “HOUSE”
40Wicked: “Ok, this one is particularly ugly.  I hope it doesn’t think I’m one of them because we share skin tones, because I don’t want what it’s brochures.”41Wicked: “Ok, it’s getting awfully close!  TOO CLOSE!! MOM! MOMMY!  PLEASE COME SAVE ME!  BRING THE PIKES!”42Wicked: “CAT GO GET THE SHOTGUNS I AAAAAHHH AAARAHGHGGGAAA” *breaks leg*

Angry Cat: “He he.  Fear is funnie.”43So I bought a pea shooter to rescue him.  Why not.44In the end Wicked stopped caring after being rescued.  Go figure.45Dee Dee: “Grace?  It’s WAY past sleepy sleep time.  Are you seriously STILL out here playing in those old slimy leaves?  Please stop.”

Grace: *Eats a leaf* “Mmmm, munchie autumn, but it’s so good mom…”46Ghost began mass spawning again.  Enjoying winter guys?  What kind of snowman you building, Evalin?47Oh.  Of course.  How could I have guessed.48Oh and by the way, glitch pet ghosts are even creepier than normal glitch pets.  Yep.  I wanted to sleep tonight.49Make it worse with the new eye mods, NO THAT IS IN NO WAY NOT UNSETTLING IN THE LEAST, BAAL STOP DOING THAT

Baal: “I HEAR THE END TIMES COMING”
50OH GOD, THE MODDED EYES ARE STILL DOING BAD THINGS!! STOP!! NO MORE!!

Baal: “I have seen what cannot be unseen, and they are coming”

I WILL RESET YOU51Angela: “Ah, my family is all coming up today.  I love seeing all my beloved together again.”

Evalin: “Yes, Eunice, shield me from that bitch with your girth!  Protect me like you’re supposed to.”

Eunice: “Why”

Jada: “Bitch fight me like a real woman”52Marlena in her corner, minding to herself, of course.

Marlena: “But look!  I MADE something!  With my own two hands!  And time I spent!  This is probably the greatest thing I have EVER brought into this existence!”

Peace: “Mommy please love me I beg ;-;”53Hysteria: “Oh, to be a dumb bitch wanting to play with a see-saw at 4 in the morning in 3 feet of snow”

Pea Shooter: “I am out of season”54Hysteria: “But oh?  What is this?  The spirit of my distant mother I never knew wishes to join me in play?  Well of course I have only one thing to say to my dearest mother!  *AHEM* …Piss off.”

Jada: “Skank, let me on.”55Hysteria: “I will never forgive you for dying on me while I was young and vulnerable, when I needed you most, you left me in the hands of my insane mom and a one way ticket to a boarding school.  I hate you forever for that.  I will say though, I am grateful you and her sent me to a military school and not some pimsy-ass music school, and for that I will only be thankful for you for.” 56Jada: “Eh.  Whatever helps you sleep at night, kid.”57Hysteria: “I don’t need you good wishes of me sleeping well at night.  I got the best ass in the world to help get me to sleep, so you don’t got to worry about that.”

Jada: “Oh, surely that’s not true?”58Jada: “Oh DAYUM, that IS a fine booty. . You weren’t lying!  She can knock me out with those tight buns any time too!”

Hysteria: *Sigh* “Actually, I got to go, gotta go knock her out and force pants back on her I TOLD’T her to stop coming out in this blizzard in that stupid lingerie!!”59Angela: “I’m making a sister to Evalin’s snowman, because I so do love my sister, and her snowman needs a little sibling as well, so it is also not alone in the world!”

I can’t wait to see which cute snowman Angela comes up to be the sister snowman!60Oh. I see.

Angela: “:)”

Eunice: “Screw y’alls snowmen building crap.  It’s Real Igloo Hours over here.”61Ending the chapter with Hysteria killing Marlena’s snowman.

Hysteria: “Because fuck that hoe that’s why”

Angela: “Well at least the little snow grims have a little snow soul to harvest!  Everyone wins today!  Well, except Marlena’s snowman.  But yay, happy endings!”

The Television Thief

1Back to our modern play sessions that took place this month, the family just got off the heels of Alex’s death, whom after 8 months, they do not remember off the bat apparently.

Hetal: “Oh boo hoo, whatever corpse we have in our garage basement is stinking it up so bad!  I just can’t stand it!  Damn raccoons probably rotting in the walls or something.  Damn you death, damn it!”2Hope: “Mom, I just heard the news!  They said someone died here!  I hope it wasn’t anyone in this family…”

Justice: “Don’t worry darling, I’ll figure it out and make a report on it once I wedge myself out of this couch.”3Hetal:”Oh man, I know I like my meat thoroughly cooked but you didn’t have to burn yourself that badly.”

Hope: “You know, this joke you got going on that you’re going to eat me and Grace is getting old.  I’m in high school now, Aunt Hetal.”

Hetal: “Wait, this whole time you thought I was joking?  No wonder no one took me seriously…”4Dee Dee: “I really think you should leave the cooking to the professional.”

Hysteria: “Die already.  I AM the professional.  Only I can maintain this kind of connection with the Egg, this kind of sync, this ultimate form”

Dee Dee: “I don’t want food poisoning though”5Hetal: “This is why I don’t risk it, especially when we have months worth of cake in stock.  You people are fools for risking it.”

Hysteria: “Keep it up and you’ll be sleeping on the couch forever.  In the basement.  Where Alex died.”

Hope: “I really don’t think this stuff is any danger.  It’s so crisp, and the flavor just melts in my mouth.”6Hope: “Wait a minute, THAT’S who died recently?!  I wish someone told me!  I wouldn’t have spent so much time blindly grieving and would have liked to go to her funeral…”

Hetal: “Oh you didn’t miss much.  The funeral consisted of her body being dumped over the fence onto the neighboring property.  Whoever lives there that’s their problem now.”7Oof, well, I suppose the food wasn’t exactly safe after all.  Hetal tried to warn us.

Grace: “HRAUIGHDSAKJ”8Dee Dee: “And that’s when I said, ‘360!  Maize it’!”

Rage: “The hell are you doing, woman?”

Dee Dee: “I’m teaching Ramiel the dangers of pot and soon he will be an advocate for all drug prevention campaigns.”

Rage: “Dee Dee… The dragon can’t talk.”

Dee Dee: “He can when you eat those brownies your Aunt Agony keeps in the back of the fridge.  Hee hee…. he says all KINDS of wack shitake…”9Grace: “Ok mom, question 14.  The world anticipated the end of the world with Y2K.  Name three reasons why it SHOULD have ended and explain why.  So far I have bacon soap, Kim Kardashian’s wedding dress, and about 30 to 50 feral hogs. What do you think?”

Justice: “But I liked that lace… Oh, honestly, I couldn’t give you a good reason, this kind of thing was Baal’s expertise.  Although he’d make you write an essay on this stuff and you’re going to be spending the next 2 hours looking for your bed and we don’t got time for that.”10While that was going on, I heard some burglar music on the lot, and looked over at the road, where the mechanic was standing there finally where we called him hours earlier to fix the radio.

Greg: “Who’s truck is that”

Considering he didn’t do a damn thing for that radio, I assumed the game finally realized that these bastards are the real crooks and were calling them out on this BULLSHIT11Devon: “Nope homie G, it’s ME, your friendly neighborhood asshole!”

Well HELL ON YOUR LIVESTOCK12Betel: “Don’t worry Master Happiness!  I will protect you and stand valiant between you and the crook that threatens your life”

Devon: “I’m a thief, not a murderer, 😦 I’m only here to steal things I’m harmless as a baby lamb in spring”13I actually think Betel is just still concerned with that stupid fucking PLATE

Betel: “It mocks me so cruelly, please grant me mercy and end this suffering”14MEANWHILE, while Betel is petitioning an act from congress to remove the offending dish, this a-hole is making off with the flatscreens!

Devon: “Proper disassembly ensures it fits in my steal sack and is safe from damage when I run from the coppas'”15Devon: “Also I’m just gonna stop being super sneaky and all that, this guy has Kenny G blasting on his overhead speakers throughout this house and no one can probably even hear me considering they’re breaking physics, and my eardrums”

Good.16Devon: “OH SHIT, THE COPPA’!! I’M JUST THE GARDENER I SWEAR!  I’M CHECKING ON THESE FLOWERS OR whatever they are”

Justice: “Nonsense!  I saw what you did to that tv!  Stop what you’re doing there, thief!”17Justice: “Unfortunately… I can’t detain him, I’m out of uniform and I’m not authorized to make an arrest off clock…”

JUSTICE, PLEASE I BEG YOU

Devon: “Haha, yessss, well pardon me while I take this extra bit of time to swipe some more flat screens.  Later!”18Hysteria: “Justice, I SWEAR TO SATAN if you don’t SHOOT THIS BITCH before he touches my rightful inheritance, I will poison your wife and kids”19Justice: “I don’t have anything on me to stop him, but my associate should be on route near here, so-Janet?  JANET!!  JANET BRING THE BEAR MACE!!  JANET WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WENT ON VACATION THIS WEEK, THEY’RE STEALING MY SAMSUNGS”

Hysteria: “Let me use my FISTS, I will end this once and for ALL”

And then the game, despite Hysteria being Brave, would NOT let me let her loose on the bastard, which, what GIVES?  I thought brave sims could clock the burgarlers, LET HER BRAWL EA, GOD

Bonehilda: “Are ya winnin’ son”20Betel: “Oh he’s done.  Packed up and he’s out of here.  Should I at least snap a pic of the license plate?  All I got is a flip phone but it still takes clear enough images.”

Justice: “FFFFFFruit rollups.”21Betel: “Well, hopefully he will use his new financial gains to buy a car that doesn’t look like it smells like 30 year old cigarette burns and engine dust.”

Hysteria: “DAMMIT JUSTICE, IF ALEX WAS ALIVE SHE’D NOT LET THAT THIEF ESCAPE LIKE YOU DID, AND SHE WAS USELESS

Cop: *Rolls up 5 minutes late with Starbucks*22Hysteria: “You are THE worst cop I have ever seen in my life, what kind of work do you even do, if not serve and protect!”

Justice: “Come on, Agony, I do plenty of protecting… I mean, after all this community has a lot of rampant teenager crimes after 11pm, I got my work cut out for me at the precinct…”23Hysteria: “YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!!  YOU ARE DEAD TO ME, JUSTICE FALLEN!!”

Justice: “I’m not dead, Alex is dead don’t you remember”

Break it up ladies, everyone is tired and cranky and you both need to go home.24mEaNwHiLe, Happiness didn’t notice anything going down in his house.  Didn’t even stir in his sleep.

Happiness: “Mmffphnzzmm, Tobey McGuire what are you still doing loitering around here you were so last chapter ago…”25Grace: “Oh Swedish Meatball.  I will neglect my duties of the world to stay in your loving embrace…”

Like hell you guys are.  Y’all were behaved and kept IF play to a reasonable amount before, but now you’re neglecting your needs for this shit?  Yoink.26Rage: “No please wait, I’m not even playing with Tuberculosis, I’m playing with other toys and mixing it up!  Isn’t that right Crocolisa, tell her to not take Tuberculosis away from me…”

No sale, kid.  Grace is two seconds away from pissing and passing herself out because of these assholes.  Can’t risk it, so give.
27Tuberculosis and Swedish Meatball were sent to live on a farm according to the children.  And by farm I mean I threw them into the woods on a lot on the far side of town.

Wild Horse: “WHAT EVIL WRATH HAVE THOUST BESTOWED UPON MY LAND”

Meatball: “I’m actually very sad.”

Oh well.  RIP.28Because Frenchie and Angry Cat belong to teenagers, they are already walking around and being ignored by their significant others anyway, so they were spared the fate of death by wilderness.

Hope: “WELL THAT’S JUST NOT FAIR AT ALLLLL”

Frenchie: “Excuse me”30Looking around the other house, this lovely mixed doberman strolled by going who knows where, probably to escape bathtime after dipping his entire leg in The Pinkest Pink by Stuart Semple.

Cairo: “I AM affiliated with Anish Kapoor.”

Gasp, BAD DOG31The girls came over to clean up these horrible leaves that I’m three steps away from modding out of this game (the aesthetics wear off after a few in game years of this stuff), because they both want to throw a Feast Party for fall.

The fact that Betel is helping does my heart good.

Hysteria: “About time she actually even fucking did anything…

Justice: “Aw, give her some credit…”32Justice: “Welcome to the party, Sabrina!  Please, feel free to go ahead and grab a plate, and don’t mind my smell, I spent all morning cleaning the yard for everyone and there’s just not enough hours in the day to find to take a bath.”

Sabrina: “Nah, pardon me if that just doesn’t give me an appetite.”33Serenity: “Carmen, what is this?”

Carmen: “Um.  Chili con carne, mother.”

Serenity: “And what is it made of??”

Carmen: “….CARNAGE.”

Serenity: “Sigh.  I’m with Sabrina too.  I’ve suddenly lost my appetite as well.”34I invited Justice’s work partner as well because building a relationship with her has proven to be more difficult than I even expected.  Of course she left instantly, but being a vampire I actually can’t blame her.

A hell cat crashed the party too.35Pepper: “But with these new eyes, I’m 40% more moé than ever before.  You can look into my one intact eye and totally trust me, dude.”

Janet: “This is actually the real reason I’m leaving this party.”36Agony: “HYSTERIA.  My lifelong nemesis.  Dare you even still show face in Happiness’ family kitchen.  Today is the day I tear your lips off and give you a good swirlie in a toilet!”

Hysteria: “Oh no.  Serenity, look a gremlin.  What horrible things does it say about me!  Why did anyone let that thing crash our lovely dinner party…”

Serenity: “Probably another one of the sorry creatures my sister felt bad for and let in the house.  Never fear!  I will knock out what’s left of her teeth for you!”37Happiness to the rescue, however.  He found a guitar that’s been in Peace’s studio since the beginning of the town’s existence and soothed the savage beasts that were about to brawl in the kitchen with his lulling vampire vocals.

Happiness: “~A B C D E F G ~ I love you and you love me~”

Serenity: “I still think it’s odd that that thing keeps showing up at family get togethers…”38Hysteria: “Dammit Happiness, with all of us drawn into your magic music, now no one will get to try my new recipe of almond cookies…”

Tenisha: “Aunt Justice already threw away those cyanide death traps, so your “recipe” never even stood a chance.”

Hysteria: “Awwww…”39Boring party over, Phillip had his birthday and he’s still very much his dad.

Phillip: “But I am hairy like monkey man”40You might need those dentures, Phillip.  Just saying.

Phillip: “Why need teeth, we’ve evolved to slurp the ants out of their mounds with our sticky and barbed tongues.  Just take them and sell them on eBay, it’s fine!”41Wicked: “EXCUSE ME?  Can’t you see I’m very busy back here clearly NOT pissing myself and giving myself stinky butt?  How did you even find me, I picked under the basement stairs specifically for the reason of not getting found clearly not peeing all over the floor!”

Dee Dee: “Um.  If you say so.”42Dee Dee: “I followed you to wish you a happy birthday, Wicked!  TOOT TOOT!  ALSO your birthday present is going to be soap and Charmin.”

Wicked: “Oh WOW!  It’s my birthday already?!  And NO ONE NOTICED?  Golly gee, I’m so loved to be told this NOT in advance…”

Actually had no idea, but I wasn’t paying attention either.  I’m bad about this lately.43Despite being a clone of his Hetal mother, Wicked does look pretty bitchin’.

He grew up a diva, so he knows he is pretty bitchin’.

Wicked: “Damn straight.”44The end of the chapter brings updates about the townsfolk of the neighboring houses.  Jenny is growing up… I think…

She is currently a grown woman’s face on a toddler’s body.  45Dianna is an interesting mix, with all of her mother’s facial features with all of her dad’s fun-ness.  Toaster is so thrilled with this fact that she is currently living with neither of her parents for SOME REASON.  Like her mom is gone from this household now.

Dianna: “I was adopted out as an exotic pet.  Mom and dad sold me for about $40,000 and currently are living it up in Bora Bora.  It’s ok.  They’ll be back when the money runs out.  Living with my owners isn’t all that bad.  They always remember to fill the food bowl before midnight.”46Rodrigo’s child is also shaping up to be potentially HANDSOME.  Thank you Frida.

Frida: “You’re welcome.  Giving birth to a half dead baby ogre gives you the advantages of genetics.”

That’s… not scientifically founded…47Another child, not of the Florida men or Arwing mini legacies, is this little middle aged man, cursed forever to live as a seven year old child, with a 47 year old hair cut.48Are you OK, JUSTON?  Who do you need me to call, the AARP or DSS?49Juston: “Oh you’re talking about this? Yeah… mom says that ghosts keep stealing my hair while I sleep.  I try to stay up at night to catch them but they catch me off guard every time… look, LOOK!  THERE THEY GO AGAIN!  I’m not even safe from the ghosts in my own thoughts!!”

Thought-Bubble Ghost: *Whisks away with the last tufts of Juston’s poor hair*50Back to the corner with Tyrone, he’s knocked up another girl, like I know this town has supernatural beings but the amount of monster fuckers in this town is phenomenal.

Tyrone: *T-rex roar from Jurassic Park*

Linda: “UNF, daddy material”51And lastly, due to all this fuckery with the town breeding with fallout mutants, Rodrigo took the opportunity to become a gene therapist, of all things.

Rodrigo: “Trust me, in the next few years, this line of work is going to make me FILTHY rich.  At this rate, we may NEVER leave Bora Bora!”

Dianna: *Cries in her hamster wheel*

Spark Notes

1Sabrina: “Please, Happiness… I’m begging you… I haven’t dated in years and I’m so lonely and sad and puny”

Happiness: “:) never”

I haven’t updated since April, and the following chapter happened right before the end of spring, so some of the things I’m behind on.  I usually post most, if not all, my stuff before my disappearance, but I didn’t do this whole chapter, so we shall pick up from what I remember.

(Also wordpress is doing this shit where I can’t upload pictures en masse or else the space bar stops working when I write????? HELLO???? I have to add a picture one at a time and then type and this kind of slow method shit kills me so I’m dragging so much ass typing anymore ;n;)2This is Dianna, our child of Toaster and LOOK, Felicity’s genes look like they’re coming through!

Toaster: “With this child, the curse will end!  I’m sobbing, I can’t believe it”

She still has a couple of birthdays yet to see if something pops out of place, but I think she’s on the road to normalcy.2Rodrigo out there making nooboos as well.  He has a better chance with genes than Toaster did (though not by much), although his baby mama is a ghost…3Frida!  How’s it like being dead and giving birth to the living?

Frida: “The guys down at the paranormal police department thought I was carrying an actual grapefruit in my adomen for the past few months.  Jokes on them when I dropped this kid out while filing out warrents like a bag of rocks.”

Right.  Moving on to the Fallens.4Grace: “Mother, I would like to inform you that I can only eat my chili vegan now.  It’s got to be the organic tofu, no older than six months to the expiration date.  Trust me, my stomach knows the cheap stuff.  You don’t want me blowing up this outhouse I recommend getting the imported brand from Whole Foods.”5Dee Dee: “Young lady, in this house we eat the meats that I harvest from hunting that the blessed earth gave us, or Food Lion, and you will eat what we put on the table.”

Grace: “Ok, but when all the toilets in the house become No Man Zones, do not come looking for me.”6Alex: “Shit, my escape has been compromised!  If I try to step over her, she’ll hear me and turn me into stone!  Or at the least trip me up.  Is this even worth it…”

It’s not, turn around and get back in your hole.  Don’t even know how you got out of it in the first place…7Alex: “PEEK A BOO I SEE YOU”

Alice: “I like visiting my friend to visit their bathroom only, yes siree”8Alice: “Bitch this isn’t even your house, don’t just walk up into a occupied bathroom like you own the place!  Can’t you see I’m thinking about pissing in here?!”

Alex: “Well you don’t have to back me all the way up on a corner, literally.  I can’t leave with you cramming me up in the wall now can I?”9Alex: “But in all seriousness, Alice, PLEASE take me with you.  Help me escape this hell hole!  I’ve been trapped in their basement for who knows how long!  Do you know how close I came to ACTUALLY using the easel they locked up down there with me?!  I don’t even have paint!!  What do they expect me to USE?!”

Alice: “I stopped listening to you before you even came into the bathroom, girl.  Bye.”

Alex was then locked back up in the basement I think.10You guys enjoying the backyard so much you guys won’t move again?

Jealousy: “No because Liam is being FUCKING NASTY OVER THERE”

Liam: “N-no I’m not I’m just…. readjusting my colon…”11Hysteria: “Only one person left in this house and you think that shithead bone maid can do something about him and his mess?  What the hell do I pay that bitch for?”

Betel: *Still sobbing over that one plate probably* “I have a queue for it all I swear!”12Grace: “Welp, I can just blame my broken alarm clock that I don’t even have and call it a sick day!  No one will mind, surely!”

Great job, kid.13Grace: “Seeing as I need sleep anyway, mother, I am going back to bed.  Wake me up at dinner time, but ONLY if it’s tofu!”

Dee Dee: “Sure thing dear!”14Dee Dee: “Oh Malibu Ken.  If only you whisked me away in a fairytale romance, I could afford a nice house with nicer beds for my children to not blame for routefailing on school days, but alas.  I won’t be making stinky tofu dinner today anyway.”15Hysteria: “Gasp!  I love him!  A perfect replacement for my pink rabbit that you sullied, Alex.  I will reprogram him to kill so if you ever escape AGAIN, as if I wouldn’t find out you did last time, he’ll reduce you to cinders and ash.”

Alex: “Zzz snore why Tobey Maguire these roses are lovely, zzzz”16Hope: “This world is going to heck in a handbasket, soon we will be living in environments that will be too hostile or hazardous for decent living.  Do you or do you not agree?”17Hope: “Ah, good, I’m glad we are on the same page.  That being said, I have installed lead paneling in the walls to protect from imminent government influenced fallout.  Safety first!”18Hope: “And yes, you can stay in the Armageddon bunker with us.  When the nuclear winter destroys our way of life, we will have enough supplies to feed a family of twenty!!  For six months.  That’s like, two winters!”

Hope, did the lead panelings get to you?19Hope: “And as for you, we will lead this family together (probably) and arise in a new world, and bring about a new age of carbon free emissions and plant based diets!”

Rage: *Begins eating his own shirt*

Hope: “You’re already getting the hang of it!”20While Hope was socializing with the wall paper and Rage, I noticed her hair is HELLA low res.  I know my computer is running on potato power but holy shit.

Rage: “If I touch it it might cut me and give me gangrene :)”21Hope: “Mom, allow me to demonstrate to you why science will save us all and the world.”

Justice: “Zzzmph not right now, Hope, it’s 4am, let me sleep under my ultra uber thick weighted blanket in peace”22Hope: “Well it’s going to start with renewable and sustainable energy sources, which begin with dismantling the aristocracy and OOFIAHGKW”

Justice: “Zzzz, snort, sniff, whua, Tobey Maguire, what are you doing in my dream I thought you were Alex’s dream man now, zzzz”23Hope: “Begone foul ghost!  I will defend my mother and family from your evil ways!  You will not defeat me by keeping me silent with your gasoline loving presence!”

Justice: “Zz, Tobey I’m married, it’s not meant to be, please stop sobbing, zzz”24Hope: “Mother I fended off the gas loving ghost.  I did it for us.  I did it for the FAMILY.  Can we PLEASE get a solar panel now?!”

Justice: “Zzz, oh Tobey, I love my wife, so this break up doesn’t effect me.  Matter of fact I’m happy with it so get out my house before I get the rake, zzzz”

Hope: “Dang it, Frenchie, she didn’t buy it.  We gotta go back to square one…25Justice: “Morning to everyone except the person that blocked my way to the fridge!”

Dee Dee: “Fridges are hard.”

I know the fridge bugged out last time because Alex had one that caused widespread panic and kitchen chaos, but this time the fridge just stopped working for god knows.26Justice: “And so I bought a new one.  Even more gaudy than before.  And so retro.  Now that I’m back cooking for the family, Hope, can you clean off the grill for me?”

Hope: “Mmm cold soup, can’t hear you over the sound of Campbells, mom”27Justice: “Ah well.  I can just work around it.  It’s only eight months old or something like that I’m sure it’s baked to a crisp by now and is sanitary enough to cook next to.”

Or just CLEAN IT OFF like a NORMAL PERSON28Hope: “Hello mom 🙂 is this your favorite place to pee pee now?  Because we have like three toilets you know.”

Dee Dee: “DON’T YOU HAVE HOMEWORK TO DO”29And then birthday time, for baby Rage.  In the graveyard.  No party as usual.30Hetal: “This time I will do the honors so be grateful I bothered carrying you out here.”

Rage: “YOU ONLY WANT CAKE, DON’T TOUCH ME”31Then Hetal stood there and didn’t cake him until the bottom fell out of the sky and soaked everything.

Hetal: “As it should be.”

Dee Dee: “DON’T give the boy pneumonia, Hetal!”32Hetal: “Yes my plan is coming to fruition!  Next I will rid you once again to a pack of wolverines and that free cake is MINE”

Dee Dee: “I’m going to have to adopt those children myself, aren’t I…”33Rage is looking good.  New trait is just Hates the Outdoors.  Probably from being abandoned in the yard as a baby.34Though I can’t tell.

Rage: “Howdy yall.  It’s time t’ put on our outerwear an’ harvest fall crops befur’ the frost eats’em up.”

Hetal: “I WISH I COULD EAT”

NO ONE TOLD YOU TO WALK AWAY WITHOUT ANY CAKE35Alex: “I wish I had cake.  But I don’t even have a shower, thanks to that damn ghost, probably.  Is this how you guys treat your prisoners?”

Hysteria: “Lol yeah.”36Justice: “Do you SEE what I’m talking about, Rage?  Absolutely ridiculous.  How does anyone expect me to feed this family if I can’t even get to the fridge??”

Rage: “I mean, you could use your legs, and WALK to it, but I heard you didn’t pass high school so”

Fridge is DELETED AGAIN, this time placed on the wall on the other side of that door.37Hetal: “Oh man, I love looking wistfully out windows.  Reminds me that I’m so alone in the world and fuels my anger at everyone and I LOVE IT”38Hetal: “Piss, all my bobbypins failed all at the same time.  Oh well” *Doesn’t have a mid life crisis over it*39Hetal: “Redoing all this hair really works up an appetite, fuck I’m going to DIE”

Dee Dee: “A whole kitchen AND my wife makes everything around here and she still thinks she can complain like this”

Justice: “Don’t give her the attention, it’s what she does this for”40Wicked: “She’s whiny about starving to death, now that I have a brother, where am I supposed to sleep?  I’m not sharing the bed with him!”41Hysteria: “Well you aren’t sleeping on my couch that I never use anymore.  You better get that thought out of your head right the fuck now.”

Wicked: “I hate you mother always know that”42Hysteria: “Kids stressing me out so much my eyeballs are coming detached.  Do they ever think about me and how much this costs me in reconstruction surgery every time something breaks?  No, they don’t. Ungrateful little shits.”43Not much changed in their room other than a bunk bed was added.  The house is getting a little snug.44Mephistopheles: “Snug or not, this house will know the TERROR I will induce upon it!”45Mephistopheles: “Oh snap you’re right it really is snug.  But it’s cozy.  Therefore it’s mine now.”

Just a cat being a cat.46Hope: “Alrighty then Mr. Homework, we gotta get done and make my parents proud of me.  Come here, boy!  Pspspspspsps”

Hetal: “You’re blocking the FRIDGE”47And then WHAT THE FUCK, HOPE

Hope: “Man, that homework kicked my butt.  I’m so dead when mom finds out how bad I failed that essay.  Might as well go ahead and buy my own tomb”

Fridge: *Farts*48Hope: “I’d take a bath but man if this song isn’t JAMMING”

Ramiel: *T-poses for dominence of the living room*

The French Revolution: “HURK”49Hope: “And that’s when I told mom that the friction of the eraser on my notebook caused a spark that lit me on fire and that’s why my homework didn’t get done and that’s why I’m not allowed to listen to the radio for a week.”

Grace: “You know when they say to use SparkNotes, they don’t mean LITERALY”50Grace: “Consider yourself lucky, Rage.  Her BO just busted my sense of smell.”

Rage: “She scares me”51Wicked: “Oh shit, Hope is right, this song really does slap”

Ramiel: “LEAVE MY FUCKING PRESENCE”52Hysteria: “You skipped the bus?  You fucking embarrass me.  For this I’m reabsorbing you into my uterus and pretending you never existed”

Wicked: *Muffed* “But you didn’t birth me*53Hysteria: “Sigh.  Fine, since I can’t absorb nor can I beat you to death, I will let you go.  With a warning.  This time.”

Wicked: “Um.  Thanks.”54Then this was the time I went to save the game to turn it off and not touch it again for the remainder of the year, and upon saving I get THIS message, which… made no sense for a second because everyone in the house was safe, Hetal was in bed, NOT STARVED, so I thought it was a bug.55It wasn’t, it was Alex, who I DID forget to give a piece of cake to after all…

Alex: “My life, my hopes and dreams!  How… how could you just forget about me?  I was a part of this family, I was Hysteria’s best friend, I was IMPORTANT”

Hysteria: *Sleeps on like the bitch she is*56Alex: “Oh what the fuck ever.  Bye.”

Oops, sorry, Alex.57Alex: “Thank you for rescuing me.  The worst of this all was that shower spraying me all night and making this whole room musty.  I will not miss this smell.”

RIP Alex.  I’d say this was sad but you were a shit maid.  Later.

Tans, Sinks, and Eyebrows

Hello, to our 69th post on 4/20!! AYYYY (actually this was technically finished on the 21st because the universe decided I needed a migraine on the 20th instead FUCKING DICK sob)

To celebrate this holy kushy holiday, we have 69 photos for this chapter.  The post itself, however, is pot free I’m afraid.1Hope: “And that’s a good thing!  As much as the chemical gives you a good boost to your mood, abuse of the drug itself is dangerous and toxic to your health in certain ways, if you aren’t careful.”

Wicked: “That’s just pussy talk.  You just aren’t injecting the marijuanas right.”

Justice: “Oh kids, no drug talk at the table, it’s a drug free part of the house.”

Hope: “We LITERALLY had a chemical table in here for most of my life, mom.”2Justice: “And please face the other way at the table, Hetal.  It’s family time, and the birthday of your son, you should at least participate in the conversation.”

Hetal: “And you can participate in minding your own fucking business.”

Wicked: *sad eating noises*3Justice: “I see Rick made a run for it while he was still young and smart.”

Chanda: “I’m here to wash your windows.  Bathe your furniture.  Baste the turkey.  I promise I’ll do a better job than any predecessor you had before me.”

And then she did, it was nice.4However the game gave us TWO maids this time and this one is the most useless I have ever had, and leaves Chanda to do all the work on her own.

Jan: “I’ll let you suck my blood if you let me suck your di-”

Please die somewhere far away like in the center of the ocean, Jan.  I already hate you.5The house got another extension for Wicked’s new room, so now whenever Rage is let back into the house he can have the old nursery.6How’s living alone going for you, Happiness?

Happiness: “I’VE BEEN GETTING PELTED AT BY HAIL ALL MORNING, WHEN IS IT SUPPOSED TO STOP??”

I mean it’s only been going for several hours, I’m pretty sure that was your first clue at staying out of the pool in the first place.7Nice tan for a vampire though.  Not sure why your skin is melting off as if you’re made out of cotton candy.

Happiness: “I mean, I am a vampire with a tan.  It’s probably so contradicting that the game can’t fathom the idea and that’s why my body is literally sloughing off of me right now.  Please hand me a shirt and some bandaids.”
8The house is still FUCKING NASTY and even though the house across the street has two maids now, no one is touching this one, so its time to bring Betel back once again.

Betel: *Spawns outside of her closet so she doesn’t have to touch the eyesore physically*9Betel: “OH GOD, OH MAN, OH GOD, OH MAN, OH GOD, OH MAN

Yeah…… good luck, Betel, this is probably going to be your magnum opus.
10HOLY FUCK

TYRONE BRED11Tyrone: “Behold.  I didn’t steal this one this time.”

Phillip, Son of Tyrone: *Is 45% eyeball*

Miriam: “Is this the brownies kicking in?  Is this what my hallucinations look like on weed??”12There is something unique about baby Phillip, but I can’t put my finger on it.  I’m starting to think though, that the genetics of Arwing’s line are just too strong to be fully affected by whatever monster fucker they keep breeding with.

Phillip, Son of Tyrone: *THX start up noises*

Tyrone: “That’s my boy!”14Justice: “Don’t mind me.  I’m donating to charity.  Must help those less fortunate than us.  Yessir.  Nothing out of the ordinary about me doing this at 3 in the morning.  Nothing odd out here at all.”13Justice: “Except for that that just ran out of my bushes, who in the FLIP FLOP ARE YOU”

???: “Um.  I can explain…                         …..Ok, bye!”

Justice: “THAT EXPLAINED NOTHING”

Peace from the dirt: “MY LONG LOST CHILD probably, SOBBBBBAKRJOAIEGOFKJASLFAJK”
15Tenisha grew up on a porch somewhere and she’s still continuing to be very pretty despite all challenges!!  I’m proud of her.

Tenisha: “Who stole this BBQ’s paintjob”

16Ah yes.  A perfect job for a 13-15 year old girl.  I’m sure she can’t wait to bust cold-cases in between geometry tests.17Tenisha: “I spy with my private eye, dem tiddies”

Hysteria: “If you even try to report them stolen (which they are not, you have no proof) I’ll mess up your face too, mark my words.”18Then Hysteria did it anyway.

Hysteria: “Hey, I only messed up your makeup.  And to be fair, I think it’s vogue as fuck.  So you should thank me instead, ungrateful little shit.”

Tenisha: “Vogue??  I look like a clown-mime hybrid, and if I had my real eyebrows back I’d be expressing fury on my face right now.”19Here’s the full glory shot of her new look, since in-game won’t show her funky new eyelashes. Had it forever, and had to use those on someone one of these days, might as well be now.20Alex: “Hey, I’m a werewolf now.  They finally gave me my license from the Werewolf Committee.  God it feels good to have real skin again.”

Marlena: “MACHINES like THIS EXIST??  Even during MY TIME?!  There’s no way I can believe that, Jada!!”

Jada: “Yeah, I can believe you’re too stupid to believe it.”21Marlena: “Ah.  Modern technology, I knew it was too good to be true.”

Jada: “Really?  You already broke it.  My daughter is going to exorcise you one of these days, you know that right?”

Marlena: “What do you mean, I was getting exercise from this machine before it broke all on it’s own!”

Jada: “Nevermind.”22Hetal: “Good job, bitch!  You broke the one piece of equipment I didn’t know we had in the room I mostly ignore!  My wife is going to be furious at you!!”

Jada: “Good, tell her to kill her again!”

Marlena: “:)”24Hetal: “You seem like someone who would be impressed with my witchcraft skills!  I may not have ridden a broomstick in years, but I assure you I’m the best there is.”

Marlena: “Amazing!  I can see with that level of skill and expertise why Agony here chose you as her spouse.”23Hysteria: “Honestly give me one good reason I don’t take those two useless hens and clock them in the head with this wrench for doing nothing but being in my way.”

Alex: *El snore*25Happiness: “I am ignoring the sink in the kitchen screaming for the sweet release of death to play video games.  Nothing kills a tan faster than nerding out on video games for a while.  Let’s begin.”26Happiness: “Wha… that’s totally not fair!  Zenyatta’s at a disadvantage against Sombra’s ult ability as it is, there is no need to 2 v 1 me when I’m already left with no way to counter properly with the odds stacked against me as it is!!”

Hmmm, not pasty enough, he can get nerdier and go paler…27Happiness: “Absolute and utter bullfart!! Winston’s ult with Ana’s ult is a waste of both because Winston does less damage when raging and nano’ed than he would just using his default Tesla Canon!!  The track on the projectile, along with the boost on his already 60 dmg/second makes it more effective than getting slapped around in ult mode, plus, the only reason the Ana is not nanoing me and boosting my Reaper’s ult is because they queued together and I ASSURE you I will report them for poor teamwork!!”

THERE’S the pasty reflective sheen of vampiric skin that I… actually don’t remember being that white.

All regained after just seconds of video game playing.  That’s the power of Xbox, baby.28Meanwhile Betel has probably been doing this for a long time now.

Might help to, you know, fix the sink first?  Just suggesting.

Betel: “I GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL!! AAAAAA”

I’m sure you do.
29Hetal: “YOU DIDN’T DO IT!  You kept putting off teaching her to use the toilet and now you’re too late!!  She’ll never make it in time for her birthday and you know it!!”

Grace: “She’s right mama… I’m really tired of forcing the poopies I don’t even have right now…”

Justice: “Sigh.  I guess you’re right… but just one more time!! She just has to try poopsies one more time and we can do it, I just know it!!”30Justice: “Come, Grace!  We are going to use the bathroom one more time!  We have less than an hour before you grow up, and we are so close!  I believe in you!”

Grace: “Do you?  Because you’re walking in the opposite direction of the toilet.”31Justice: “Just meet me down the bottom of the stairs so I can pick you up and take you to the bathroom!  Quickly now, we are running out of time.”

Grace: “MOM, YOU’RE BUGGING OUT AGAIN, DO YOU REALLY THINK WE GOT TIME FOR THIS”32Grace: “Whatever, if it gets mama out of this dumb broken stair loop then so be it.”

THAT’S NOT SAFE, GRACE

Grace: “I don’t CARE, I’m tired of her bugging on the staircase!”33Grace: “Just so everyone knows, its about time to call someone for this asbestos.  Real dusty back here.”
34Grace: “A for effort, mama.  You’ll get them next time.”

Justice: “Well, that’s just gravy.”
35Grace: “So what do I do if I have to use the bathroom at school?  Will they yell at me if I poop at my desk or do you think I can still fit in a diaper?”

Justice: “I have no one to blame but myself!  UGH.  If I could arrest myself I would!!”

Grace: “Yeah. I’m just as disappointed as you are.  I think.”36Now that she has pants, Grace is now a vegetarian.  She only has one more chance at getting the Good trait or else she’s out of the heirship.

Now go eat a carrot, bitch.

Grace: “K”37Grace’s crib is replaced with a bed now, so you have no choice but to sleep in your own crib now, Rage.

Rage: “Joke’s on you, I’ve never been in a crib before in my life.”
38Rage: “Yes, please continue to impale yourself in the ladder!!  The more you attempt to remove me from under this bed the worse you get!”

Justice: “Why is my day so bad today :(“39Dee Dee: “Now that we have no more toddlers, you are on your own!  I’m retiring from the baby scene, and your kids have no reason to be in my kid’s room.  Take your kid and go on with your evil self, Hetal!”

Hetal: “Now is that any way to turn a child away when he needs someone to care and raise him?”

Dee Dee: “You LITERALLY put him out in the woods for like two days!  Who are you to talk!!”40Hetal: “Yeah you’re right.  Come Rage.  I’ll show you the inside of the washing machine.”

Rage: “YAYYY”

Dee Dee: “What”41Alex: “I feel the power of the moon!  It FLOWS THROUGH MY VEINS!!”

Cynthia: “OH MY LORD!! A WEREWOLF!! THE ABSOLUTE HORROR!!”42Alex: “THAT’S RIGHT, LOOK UPON MY FORM AND TREM… did you really just piss on my carpet.”

Cynthia: “So sorry about that… I have a weak bladder and it just happens sometimes.”

Alex: “This sucks, I don’t even have any paper towels in here, the smell will last for weeks!! Also wait a second…”43Alex: “Y-you’re a GHOST!”

Cynthia: “Uh yeah.  I had forgotten about that actually.  Glad to meet you I’m Cynthia.  You can call me Cy.  No one calls me Cy.”44Cynthia: “Now if you don’t mind I’m passing out from the sheer terror of A WEREWOLF, SO SCARY!”

Alex: “Yeah yeah.  Have fun with that, I’m going to go take a nap for 8 hours.”45Cynthia: “Ok, so I know you just fell asleep and all, but ghost pee is really rank so you really need to leave the room so I can shower.  I’d hate it if you happened to wake up and caught sight of my little ghost boobies.”46Alex: “Really.  Lady, do you not see this room?  I LIVE here.  I have no where to go.  You’re just going to have to bathe somewhere else or deal with your pissy stink self on your own.”47Cynthia: “WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS THIS MADHOUSE?!”

You contribute to it, Cynthia.48The end of summer is around the corner, and considering how eternal the last winter was, it didn’t feel like summer even lasted.  Enjoy the warmth while it lasts, kid.

Abandoned baby: “I’m dying”49Hysteria: “I’m beauty, I’m grace…”50Hysteria: “I’m thinking about smacking that baby in its fucking face.”

Pop your spine back into place first.51The whiny baby in question carries the Good trait, so I got to make a note to keep an eye on him.  Though the man that’s carrying him is Face One and if he’s the father, I’m already disappointed.
52Hysteria: “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU”

Concession stand lady: “Um.  I work here?  Want a hot dog?”

Hysteria: “I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE A MYTH”

Lots of caps lock this chapter53Justice: “I’m so happy to help the less fortunate!  I love doing it in the middle of the night, this way Agony doesn’t yell at me for “wasting” money on charity!”

Easy way to make her happy at least.
54Happiness: “Are you another summon to help with the cleanliness?  If that’s the case, I’m gonna need you to start working on the dishes.  I’ve been out for two weeks and I’m tired of eating directly on the counter tops.”

Wicked: “You dumb bastard, I can’t be alone after curfew, but if I follow Hetal she swings a bat at me.  I figured the vampire and the skeleton across the street were safer.”

Happiness: “Well, I guess in that case, you aren’t wrong.”
55Happiness: “We only have 4 beds left in the house, so make yourself at home in one of them.”

Wicked: “Too late”

Happiness: “Well I tried…  Anyway, what’s on the late night channels?”56Wicked: “I’ll be brutality honest.  The sink is so ungodly loud, it’s keeping me up.  How do you live like this with a swamp in your kitchen??”

Happiness: “At this point in my life, the sloppiness has actually grown on me and I know nothing else.”

Betel: *Is already drinking herself into a stupor probably*61End of that.  It’s time for a surprise for you, Hope!  Head to the kitchen to see what it is!

Hope: “I already know it’s a birthday cake.  I can see it from the window!! You can’t get me to go in there no matter how hard you try.”58Angela: “Well I see you’re in here anyway.”

Hope: “I couldn’t eat the tree leaves.  I guess puberty won’t be too bad, it’s worth this sherbet.”59Hope: “Speaking of growing up, how in the fruit loop did you get to grow up before I did?”

Frenchie: “Hormones?  Better genes?  It’s not the steroids in your mother’s chemical concoctions from her potions days if that’s what you’re implying.”

Hope: “I didn’t imply…”60Peace: “Hi”

Frenchie: “YES, a ghost!!  Totally takes the heat off of me and the steroid use, which I’m not doing.”

Hope: “YES a gh-Oh I broke my wrist.”
62Justice: “So you’re not mad at me anymore?  For not teaching you to sit on the toilet right as a baby?”

Grace: “Mom, don’t worry about it.  How hard can pooping be?  You sit on the toilet, you do your thing.  Only thing to do really is to sit.  And I’m pretty sure sitting is the easiest thing in the world.”

Justice: “Um…… yeah, I guess so.”63ANYWAY birthday ppls.

Tenisha: “You remember the game plan?  I’ll get her good and distracted, you snatch your nose off of her face and make a mad run for it, ok?”

Agony: “And I already told you.  It ain’t happening.  I heard her wife is a witch and last thing I need is to be turned into a mushroom somewhere.  Just drop the waffles off, and meet me back at the house after the caking.”

Then Agony left immediately and hid under her porch I suppose.64Hope: “I guess being a teenager will be fun!  Kinda can’t wait to go on dates and prom and learn to drive.”

Leonard: “And I can’t wait to bang your mom, damn girl you fine”65Hope: “Now that Mama Dee Dee has smited that pervert to a crisp, what should I wish for?”

Tenisha: “If you love me can you wish for my eyebrows to grow back?”

Hope: “Considering how nice you are to stay for my birthday, I will!”66Hope: “Actually I have to redact that wish and wish for some body fat, I’m sorry Tenisha.”

Dee Dee: “What”

Alice: “God feed your children, Dee Dee”67THERE we go.  Fixed and LOOKING GREAT.  A wonderful mix of genes between the two mothers, SEE EVALIN’S BLOODLINE?!  THIS IS HOW IT’S DONE.

Dee Dee: “Yay”

Alice: *Inhales all the air in the room*68Justice: “I’m so glad you grew up to be such a lovely young lady, my daughter.  But here’s the thing.  I see your new Rebellious trait.  Know that any inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated and even though you are my own daughter, I will be disappointed if you did the wrong things in life.”

Hope: “Oh mom.  Don’t be silly.  I’m a good person, I will only rebel against our corrupt systems, political wrong doings, and donate to the needy through charities.”

Justice: “GASP I love you.” 69Tenisha: “Sigh.  To think my mother should have been over this dynasty.  I would have been the heiress to be caked around here, made out all cute and have nice clothes and cool traits.  Now I have no idea what my personality is at all and I look goofy beyond reason.  This world is so cruel.”

Hope: “Oh calm down Tenisha.  Have some cake.  Chill a bit.  Later I’m going to go egg some abusive senators and politicians, you can join me if you’d like!”

Tenisha: “I guess.  Kinda sounds fun, I suppose.”57Ending here, where Betel is stuck in an eternal struggle with the wall, this table, and a Forbidden Plate.

Betel: “If I go for the plate, the turret will shoot me.  I may be undead, but that shit still hurts.”

Learn to think with portals, Betel.

The Wall Goblin

1Its the beginning of summer.  And Justice is still catching the flu every other week still.

Justice: “It’s ok!  I put my trust in my Healing Stones, and I’ll be healed one day soon!”

That explains it.2There is some good news though!  After ages of trying to satisfy the girls’ needs for science and (explosions), I believe they are finally sated, and the potions table is long gone!  Replaced with one of now many clothes hampers for this clothes filled house.3Hetal: “This one.  I have hope for this one.  THIS is the chosen one that I may imprint on to further my legacy.”

Wicked: “PLEASE, I AM DYING AND NEED SUSTENANCE”4Hetal: “Oh my fucking Satan, here you go, you little shit.  Only the finest of Chernobyl tower cooling water for you.”

Wicked: “I will treasure it forever!!”5Hope is a good kid.  Quiet, for a party animal.

Hope: “One day I will head this household, Frenchie.  And when I do, oh, soooooo many parties.  So many.”6Hysteria: “A small baby like you doesn’t need this anyway.  You can definitely choke on the stick alone and die and no one will know it until rigor mortis sets in, as often as you are checked every day.  I am confiscating it because I’m such a good person.”

Grace: “NO, I paid for that with my personal income!!”7Grace: “If anyone needs to be punished, take a lollipop away from Wicked!  He’s the one failing over here!!”

Hysteria: “Yeah well if Hetal would actually do something about him and stop twerking her naked ass on the wall and being useless, this wouldn’t happen.”8Last chapter, useless maid Alex retired and was sealed in the wall of the basement for Hysteria’s amusement.  I added a window wall so she can be viewed now.  Like a personal little zoo.9Alex: “Oh don’t worry.  I have a secret up my sleeve that will bust me out in no time.”

Yes, we already can tell you’re a werewolf.  It’s not really a well kept secret.10Alex: “YES!! SO BEHOLD!  WITH THE POWER OF THE MOON FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS, I WILL BURST THROUGH MY RESTRAINTS TO FREEDOM!!”
11Alex: “WITNESS MY ULTIMATE FORM OF POWER!”

OH FUCK ITS A GOBLIN12Alex: “COUGH cough, uegh, actually, on second thought, if I’m a prisoner in these walls, I don’t actually have to pay my mortgage ever again…”13Alex: “Soooo, yeah… this is an ok living arrangement.  I can accept this.”

Well she was easy to make content.14Hysteria: “Either my wife is really stupid and doesn’t realize I’m in the house, and that we have been married for ages now, or she thinks its hot to put nudes of herself in the mailbox for just anyone to find, but if it’s the latter, that’s kinda hot and she’s getting this ass tonight.”15Hope avoids the family by sleeping on the bench at the school alone.16Hope: “That’s ok!  Because my friend is here now!  And we are going to practice playing chess together.”

I wouldn’t trust a friend like that.18So for the entirety of 10 seconds I forgot that this was the name of Hope’s IF. I guessed someone somewhere was mobbing up for a riot.19On the other hand, at least Wicked is having a good time with that cat.20Back in the basement, Alex’s fridge (which she wasn’t using anyway) had to be deleted because the family was trying their damnedest to use it instead of the better one in the kitchen and the constant route failure was probably giving them brain damage.  I just have to remember to throw her a steak bone down here every so often so she doesn’t starve.

Alex: *Begins to run out of black printer ink*21Justice:  “This is hockeysticks!  I refuse to make dinner unless I have access to the newest appliance in the garage basement!  Alex tells me that THAT fridge has better yogurt!!”

Dee Dee: “Didn’t you just hear the narrator? That fridge was gotten rid of and now all we have is this one.”

Justice: “It’s not the one I WANT!  Add it back!  I want that fracking yogurt!!”22Dee Dee: “Sigh, I can clearly see you’re just bugging out now.  There.  I conjured a newer, better, more evenly colored fridge.  For your sake.  Will you please calm yourself now?”

Justice: *Sniff* “No…. I never got any of that good Yoplait…”

Dee Dee: “Fine, I’ll just have a fend-for-yourself dinner night.”23Edgardo: “You know what I haven’t had in generations?  Macaroni and cheese.  Not since it was banned from the household in my lifetime.”

Justice: “Can you stop showing off the new fridge already?!  I need to access the crappy cheap one that is locked away in the walls for the goblin Agony locked up, and I will not move from this spot until it is returned to us!”

Since Justice would not see reason (and from this point was more or less stuck in this spot) she was reset.
24Look everyone!  Toaster BREAD!! HAHAHAHAHAHGILAJGKDLAJGKDLJFAKLD5

Toaster: “If anyone puts that name on the birth certificate of my child I will hurl the entire hospital into the sun.”25Here’s our yellow ray of sunshine and future radiation.

Felicity: “Not if my good looks and genetics have anything to say about that!!”

Do I ever wish you the best of luck with that then.26Across town, Janelle (or Janine?  I can’t differentiate the sisters right now) has also given birth, and following the theme of J-names, this is Jenny.

Sabrina: “You let them in the house.  Why, in the fuck, would you let them in my house???”27Across town, Agony’s daughter aged up and I absolutely HAD to check her genetics to see if she inherited her mother’s face-job or not.

And she did, but she didn’t come out half bad!  Her lips were caved-in so I gave her some mercy and plumped them out a bit, because she shouldn’t have to suffer because her mother had a blotched plastic surgery job.  And we all know plastic surgery is inheritable.

Tenisha: “My only goal in life is to go back in time and model for the Mona Lisa.  I will be that bitch.”

You’re well on your way to that goal now.28Jarrett: “I don’t understand what everyone in town is saying about her… she’s beautiful to me.  The most beautiful woman I have ever personally laid eyes on.”

You would think that.

Agony: “Who let him in my house?  Tenisha, get in here!  Why, in the fuck, would you let him in my house???”29Returning to the house just in time for little Rage’s birthday.

Hysteria: “May the Dark Ones bless you with the gift of good looks, my child!  Because remember, you clone out and I will smash you and your brother in the face with a sledgehammer.”
30 The birthday party is in the basement because Hysteria hates crowds and doesn’t want to have a birthday party for the baby.  At least her “best friend” can be with them for little Rage’s big moment!

Alex: “Someone shut that screecher up!  I can hear him all the way down in my hole and that’s saying something!”31Hysteria: “You.  Stupid.  Get over here and cheer for my son’s birthday.”

Alex: “Er.  Sure.  But only if I get some cake from all this.”

Hysteria: “Yeah yeah.  But only because you don’t need to starve.  Consider yourself lucky you get hungry, whelp.”32Actually Hetal seemed to be the one that wanted to cake the baby this time, so Hysteria let her do the honors.

Alex: “Tbfh I’d rather have some chicken drums.  The wolven cravings that I feel require meat to fill me up, not confections.”

Hysteria: “Cry a fucking river and deal with it.”33Hetal: “There I did my duty, I’ll be in the kitchen, having full control over whatever I want to eat, unlike Alex over there.”

Dee Dee: “Happy birthday, little Rage!  Say, I haven’t been in this part of the house!  What’s, uh, going on behind the glass wall exactly??”

Hysteria: “Mind your damn business about it or you’ll end up on the other side of it finding out personally.”

Dee Dee: “Haha, what the funk”34Rage turned out to be a mix!  So he’s probably going to be heir.

Hysteria: “Wicked can still be in the running, but I assure you he’s going to be put in a literal blender first if he does.”

Rage: “Yaaay, no bwender for mee!”35Rage: “Oh Tuberculosis.  I’m so happy to have you in my life and time of need.  We will be best friends for all time!”

Tuberculosis: “Please allow me to be dead inside forever.”36Rick: “That was an excellent party you kinda threw, Mrs.  Fallen!  Say, mind if I had a piece of cake to celebrate as well?”

Hysteria: “Sure!  As long as you don’t mind stopping your work of cleaning my house and ending up locked in the basement with your predecessor, be my guest!”

Alex: “Snoozies”37Alex doesn’t like painting I think, but she does use the easel in her own entertaining manner.

Alex: “TAKE THIS AND WEEP MORTAL WOODEN FRAMEWORK” *Slaps bitchingly*

Cake: “What the hell did it ever do to you”38Alex: “Sigh.  I thought life as a prisoner was supposed to be more stress free and relaxing than it is.”

And I thought you were going to stop being a broken werewolf two days ago.

Alex: “Maybe I should focus on actually escaping after all.  Go out and live my life.  Actually order food at Church’s Chicken, ffs”39Justice and Dee Dee don’t do much during this time.  All they want to do lately is pork.

Justice: “With a wife as irresistible as mine, how can I help it!”

As long as it has nothing really to do with a mid-life crisis, this is better.  I guess.
40Alex hates art.  I caved and replaced it with some mind numbing television.

Alex: “Good.  I hate the Game of Thrones.  I can’t wait to watch the final season end.”41Alex: “Wait, does that mean the game has noticed me missing?  Have I finally been rescued!  Please Nraas Overwatch, I need saving down here!”

Well, you didn’t move while I was looking at you so the rescue mission has failed?

Alex: “UGH, Nraas Overwatch is useless!  Someone send the REAL Overwatch!!  Tracer, Hammond, SOMEONE, I NEED a rotisserie chicken over here!!”42Hetal: “Now, here’s the deal, little fella.  If you’re going to be the ruling Warlock of this family, you must learn how to depend on no one but yourself to survive.  This is your first test.  You must learn to live alone in the woods.  If you fail, then well, it won’t be anyone’s problem anymore now will it?”

Rage: “Mama?”

Hetal: “Ain’t no “mama” here for you, boy.  If you befriend a hive of feral animals to raise you, then alright, but remember if I see you so much as on our porch I’m flinging you into a crevasse.”

This is probably the most interacting she is ever going to have with either child.
43Hope: “Can someone help me?  I’m trying to take the long way around so I don’t have to go near Hetal’s naked butt, but I can’t force my physical form through a baby crib, now can I.”

Hetal: “Can we just get rid of the crib altogether?  We don’t need it!  Grace has the oven and I’ve released Rage into the woods!  Oh, and Wicked is in a dumpster I think.  So this crib is a waste of space.”

Dee Dee: “Angery”44Hetal: “I can’t believe you missed the school bus because you didn’t want to make eye contact with my ass!  I should place a curse on you for the rest of your days for this!!”

Hope: “Come on!  It doesn’t have to be like that!  This house is a maze of route failures between here and the stairs as it is!”45Hope: “That being said, you will let me off the hook, right?”

Hetal: “OFF THE HOOK?  I’M ABOUT TO TOSS YOU INTO THE HIGHEST TOWER THIS TOWN WILL PERMIT ME TO BUILD AND LOCK YOU THERE UNTIL SOME WHITE KNIGHT ASSHOLE STABS ME IN THE HEART WITH A HOLY SWORD AND RESCUES YOU wait no YOU WILL BE DOING CHORES FOR A WEEK that’s better”46Justice: “I returned to rescue you.  I won’t stab Hetal over this, but I will give her a stern talking to about disciplining my child.”

Hope: “No you won’t.  You’ll be too concerned about her starving and bake a souffle and forget about it.”

Hetal: “She’s right.  And I’m starving now.  Where’s Grace?”47Hope: “Anyway.  Off to school.  So can someone PLEASE someone shut the yard baby up?!”

Rage: “I CAN’T EAT ACORNS HELP ME SQUIRREL FRIENDS”

HAS NO ONE REALLY RESCUED RAGE YET48Hysteria: “Apparently not, but Alex has been.”

Shit, I knew it was only a matter of time before they got Alex.49*Force-poofs Alex back into her crate*

Alex: “Aw come on”

This time I used Nraas to make her a “roommate”.  I still have no control over her, but now she can actually use things easier, than she did as a “houseguest”.

Alex: “AW COME ON”

Shut up and enjoy your new gift of a radio.  That should make you happier, I suppose.
50Rage: “Can I tell you a secret, Tubie?”

Tuberculosis: “No.”

Rage: “I actually like my squirrel buddies.  They take care of me and fend off the stray dogs that’ll eat me if given the chance.”

I’m surprised he’s still ok out there.
51Alex: “Forget the baby!  It’s my birthday!  I even have half a cake left over to celebrate!  Hurray for me!!”

No one cares, even I cared so little I accidentally sized the photo down too much.  Oops.52Here’s your birthday present, Alex.  You get the easel back.

Alex: “What is this shit”53Hmm, yes Rick.  That totally looks like what you were hired for and nothing unnecessary at all.

Hysteria: “I’m planning the basement wall extensions as we speak :)”54Aww, he built us a dirt chair!  Aren’t we just the luckiest family in the world?55Here you go, Alex.  Another birthday present for you.

Alex: *Has finally learned how to use the bed covers*56Justice: “Come, Grace.  I really want to finish your skilling and your birthday is fast approaching.  I finally tore myself away from my wife long enough to ensure you know all you need to before turning into a child!”57Justice: “Oh wait.  It’s not your birthday but Wicked’s birthday first.  Oh well *Instantly stops skilling*”

Keep procrastinating and see where that gets you, Justice.58Hysteria: “I don’t care about the rest of your skills, but I do love you.  And I will love you forever.  Until you shit on the floor because you don’t know how to use the toilet, but right now, I love you forever.”

Hope: “The wall is in my way.”59Hysteria: “It’s a lovely day to have a cake, isn’t it?”

Justice: “THESE HAIL STONES ARE CRACKING MY SKULL OPEN”

Hysteria: “See?  Lovely.”60Once again, no party to make Hysteria’s life a little easier.

Justice: “Happy birthday little Wicked!”

Hysteria: “Yeah happy birthday, dude!”

Hetal: *Grumble grumble* “I’m getting dragged out of bed for this bullshittery”61Wicked is actually really cool looking, clone or not, but he got the virtuoso trait, which is eh.

Wicked: “I plan on writing and singing songs, and creating my own musical one day.  My first musical will be my autobiography and I will self title it after myself as well.”

I think someone already beat you to the punch with that title, kid.62Justice: “You finally have a playmate your age, Hope!  Aren’t you excited to hang out with him?”

Wicked: “Mama please look at me”

Hetal: “I’D RATHER DIE”

Hysteria: “This is going well.”63The end of the chapter, where the game tells me Nascar, of all people, got demoted to Top Gun, which honestly hardly sounds like a demotion.

Nascar: “They really shouldn’t fire me and then give me guns.  They gon’ n’ pissed off the wrong old robot!!”

Disaster waiting to happen.