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Autumn Aesthetics

1Today, we join Hysteria in a nice afternoon (“nice”? looks like sims 4 smog up in this shit what the hell happened to this town all of a sudden) jog just to get out of the house.  Just away from the constant boohooing that was still going on over the death of Alex.  Only 12 hours to go and no one wanted to do anything but stand around and BAWL BOOHOO FURBIE WAH ALEX, so I spent the day just having Hysteria exercise.3It was hardly enjoyable though, since Hysteria spent the whole time just flexing her face violently.  I suppose it’s practice on how to use her features like a normal human being.

Hysteria: “Once I get my facial features in proper place, flexed, and toned, it’s all over for this hell town!”2Hysteria: “COME ON CHEEKS, FEEL THE BURN”4Hysteria: “LET’S GO EYEBROWS, I WANT SOME HUSTLE, ONE TWO ONE TWO, HURRRGGN”
5Hysteria: “Oh hello good sir good afternoon we are having isn’t it”

She’s becoming very skilled.6Now that the boohoo fest is over, Hysteria returns home to find the teens went to prom and I was never informed that prom was even coming up WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME, GAME?  IT’S MY FAVORITE TEEN EVENT

AND WORSE YET, I FIND OUT WITH THIS NOTIFICATION

Justice: “EW, WHAT?  IN MY OWN HOUSE?  SOMEONE STOP IT”

YOU STOP IT, IT’S YOUR DAUGHTER7I rushed over to the school only to find after that notification, Hope walked out of prom instantly.  GOOD GIRL.8Oh wait, she walked out of the school to do this.  That’s not good.9Dayvid: “Mmmm, ripe for the taking”

*readies fucking pepper spray* Back off bitch10Grace: “Oh ho!  I have noticed that it is a waning half moon tonight!  You know what that means… it’s BIRTHDAY TIME”

Seriously, does my game not give me notifications anymore?  Oh sure I get told every time some Joe Schmoe gets a job as a toilet cleaner at the hospital but nothing on this??
11Oh, oh NO

CUTE

MAJOR CUTE ALERT12GIRL

You have NO business being this PRECIOUS13Hetal: “Well this is major bull.  The last of them is also a teenager.  Too stringy.  Overripe.  Not tasty.”

Grace: “Wat”

Rage: “Can y’all not while I’m trying to sleep? I got a major school project I got to miss the bus for in the morning.”14Another photo, just for good measure, just for the cute. However now it’s time for the sad news.

Her latest trait is now animal lover, which means she is not viable for heiress!  NO!  How can my heart be this broken, Grace?!

Grace: “Sorry about that I guess?  I was just thinking about all the kitties and puppers that need smoochies in the middle of my growth spurt and couldn’t help myself.”15Back at prom… Wicked got Prom King, but… as a joke?  Don’t think I’ve ever seen someone give this notification.

Wicked: “My whole life is a joke, haha :)…. LAUGH AT ME IN MY FOOLS CROWN YOU ASSHOLES”16Schoolmate: “I LAUGHED ISN’T THAT WHAT YOU WANTED”17Wicked:”Prom was the shit.  I got through force the title of Prom King, and fell in love all in the same night.  Now where did my princess run off to?  Did her carriage turn back into a pumpkin?  Because I got a spell I’d like to lay down on her…”

No you AIN’T, you better not interact with her for the remainder of this stage.18Hysteria suddenly wanted to do magic as well, but in the form of potions-I MEAN ALCHEMY MIXES19Fuck I said potions and Justice must have heard me

Justice: “Just one little potion, that’s all I want right now… YES!!  Ok just one more…”20Hysteria: “What… what IS THIS?!  HETAL?? WHY DID YOU LEAVE MY LAUNDRY ON THE LINE OVERNIGHT IN THIS WEATHER”

Um, Hysteria, that’s not the priority…
21Hysteria: “Hetal, I’m ashamed of you.  Now these things are hard as a brick and I’m going to have to wash them all over again.  You are so undependable.”

Hetal: *Begs for rescuing, please no one deserves to die in a teddy and black crew socks*

Hysteria: “Well you should have thought about that before you left my sensitive sweaters on the line, now shouldn’t you!”22Hysteria: “Oh for fuck’s sake, FINE, but next time my delicates get frozen like this you’re on your own” *Aims directly at the ass with high heat* 23You are very lucky, Hetal.  Had Hysteria not come out here to do her laundry I may not have ever even looked for you.  Because you know.  Whatever.  Be grateful.

Hetal: “Sob, ughggungghuh sure…”24Hetal: “Oh would you look at that!  It’s SNOWING already!  I can’t believe winter is here!”

Hysteria: *So bewildered by her wife’s raving stupidity she imploded into new outerwear*25Hope: “Totally can’t wait to turn this thing up to 11 and test it out, thanks for coming down here and supervising, Aunt Agony, I always feel safe with you around!”

Hysteria: “No problem, I’m just here to find out what’s a good spell to use once I get the soul of a dead and pulverized virgin…”

Hope: “Ha ha… where would you even get that?”26Hope: *Becomes good and pulverized*

Hysteria: “BAH, no good.  All I can find in the index is a recipe for getting rid of the white cloud on glass.  I can do that with just plain vinegar so that’s just a waste of virgin…”27Hetal: “Did you know, I know it’s going to come as a surprise, but I’m actually a witch?”

Hope: “Oh Aunt Hetal, that frostbite did more damage than I thought it would…”

Hysteria: “Maybe if she put on pants this wouldn’t have happened.”28Frenchie: “You should totally tell her I’m her ghost of Christmas future and I’m gonna haunt her until she stops being so mean!  It’ll be fun!”

Hope: “As good of an idea you think that is, Frenchie, I’d rather not have her burn the house down trying to get rid of you.”29Hetal: “Hey.  Queueball.  I CAN see you.  What part of witch did you not understand, you little shit?”

Frenchie: “Oh crap oh no, please don’t hurt me ma’am, oh God, oh poo”30Frenchie: “Oh SNAP, I recognize that FIGHTIN’ STANCE.”

Frenchie: source

31Hope: “No, Frenchie is right!  If you don’t shape up and stop being such a horrible person, you won’t be part of the New World Revolution!”

Hetal: “Fuck your revolution.”32Hope: “Wow… that… that was just rude and hurtful…”

Hetal: “Good.”

Hysteria: “FOUND IT!  I knew there was a good one in here!  ‘Use one soul of virgin in this sulfuric mixture to create a tincture to turn your enemies into disfigured abominations of God for all eternity’!  Totally want to try that one.”32-5Meanwhile Dee Dee and Wicked are being the complete opposite of Hetal and Hope.  Why can’t you two be like these two, guys?

Dee Dee: “Did you know, I am also in fact, a witch?”

Wicked: “No way!  That’s so cool, Aunt Dee Dee!  You should totally teach me some cool spells sometime!”

Angry Cat: “PUT ON A FUCKING SHIRT.  YOUR NIPPLES HAVE ALREADY FROZEN OFF FOR FUCKS SAKE”33You know what we haven’t had in five minutes?  Cute pictures of Grace.  Got to fix that.

Grace: “Huh?  Oh I mean, sure.  Don’t mind me, I just have one thing on my mind.”34Grace: “Fall was where it was at!  So aesthetically pleasing!  I just love the beauty in the leaves during this time of year!”

I mean… you’re a season late but I won’t stop you…35Jan: “In this weather?  Something’s not right about that kid.”

Don’t remember asking a lazy HOE, JAN

Grace: “Eeee!  Comfy leaves!!~”36Grace: “The beauty of nature.  The feel of the leaves on my bare skin… the colors, the crunch… I just love autumn so much.”

Jan: “Don’t come to me when she gets pneumonia then.  I’ll just say I told you so.”

GO ON WITH YOURSELF, JAN37Although she did spend the remainder of the day playing in the snow covered leaves.  Hm.  Maybe taking Swedish Meatball away from her that late in her childhood was a bad idea after all.

Grace: “Oh Fall, you’re my best friend now”38Checking in on Rage.  Rage?  You still alive?  Yes?  Ok good, later then.

Rage: *In Moth Mode*39Wicked: “Cat?  Did you let in this stray zombie?  You know mom’s just going to impale it and leave it in the front yard on a pike as a warning to the whole town as to what happens to zombies wandering in our yard.”

Angry Cat: “HOUSE”
40Wicked: “Ok, this one is particularly ugly.  I hope it doesn’t think I’m one of them because we share skin tones, because I don’t want what it’s brochures.”41Wicked: “Ok, it’s getting awfully close!  TOO CLOSE!! MOM! MOMMY!  PLEASE COME SAVE ME!  BRING THE PIKES!”42Wicked: “CAT GO GET THE SHOTGUNS I AAAAAHHH AAARAHGHGGGAAA” *breaks leg*

Angry Cat: “He he.  Fear is funnie.”43So I bought a pea shooter to rescue him.  Why not.44In the end Wicked stopped caring after being rescued.  Go figure.45Dee Dee: “Grace?  It’s WAY past sleepy sleep time.  Are you seriously STILL out here playing in those old slimy leaves?  Please stop.”

Grace: *Eats a leaf* “Mmmm, munchie autumn, but it’s so good mom…”46Ghost began mass spawning again.  Enjoying winter guys?  What kind of snowman you building, Evalin?47Oh.  Of course.  How could I have guessed.48Oh and by the way, glitch pet ghosts are even creepier than normal glitch pets.  Yep.  I wanted to sleep tonight.49Make it worse with the new eye mods, NO THAT IS IN NO WAY NOT UNSETTLING IN THE LEAST, BAAL STOP DOING THAT

Baal: “I HEAR THE END TIMES COMING”
50OH GOD, THE MODDED EYES ARE STILL DOING BAD THINGS!! STOP!! NO MORE!!

Baal: “I have seen what cannot be unseen, and they are coming”

I WILL RESET YOU51Angela: “Ah, my family is all coming up today.  I love seeing all my beloved together again.”

Evalin: “Yes, Eunice, shield me from that bitch with your girth!  Protect me like you’re supposed to.”

Eunice: “Why”

Jada: “Bitch fight me like a real woman”52Marlena in her corner, minding to herself, of course.

Marlena: “But look!  I MADE something!  With my own two hands!  And time I spent!  This is probably the greatest thing I have EVER brought into this existence!”

Peace: “Mommy please love me I beg ;-;”53Hysteria: “Oh, to be a dumb bitch wanting to play with a see-saw at 4 in the morning in 3 feet of snow”

Pea Shooter: “I am out of season”54Hysteria: “But oh?  What is this?  The spirit of my distant mother I never knew wishes to join me in play?  Well of course I have only one thing to say to my dearest mother!  *AHEM* …Piss off.”

Jada: “Skank, let me on.”55Hysteria: “I will never forgive you for dying on me while I was young and vulnerable, when I needed you most, you left me in the hands of my insane mom and a one way ticket to a boarding school.  I hate you forever for that.  I will say though, I am grateful you and her sent me to a military school and not some pimsy-ass music school, and for that I will only be thankful for you for.” 56Jada: “Eh.  Whatever helps you sleep at night, kid.”57Hysteria: “I don’t need you good wishes of me sleeping well at night.  I got the best ass in the world to help get me to sleep, so you don’t got to worry about that.”

Jada: “Oh, surely that’s not true?”58Jada: “Oh DAYUM, that IS a fine booty. . You weren’t lying!  She can knock me out with those tight buns any time too!”

Hysteria: *Sigh* “Actually, I got to go, gotta go knock her out and force pants back on her I TOLD’T her to stop coming out in this blizzard in that stupid lingerie!!”59Angela: “I’m making a sister to Evalin’s snowman, because I so do love my sister, and her snowman needs a little sibling as well, so it is also not alone in the world!”

I can’t wait to see which cute snowman Angela comes up to be the sister snowman!60Oh. I see.

Angela: “:)”

Eunice: “Screw y’alls snowmen building crap.  It’s Real Igloo Hours over here.”61Ending the chapter with Hysteria killing Marlena’s snowman.

Hysteria: “Because fuck that hoe that’s why”

Angela: “Well at least the little snow grims have a little snow soul to harvest!  Everyone wins today!  Well, except Marlena’s snowman.  But yay, happy endings!”

The Television Thief

1Back to our modern play sessions that took place this month, the family just got off the heels of Alex’s death, whom after 8 months, they do not remember off the bat apparently.

Hetal: “Oh boo hoo, whatever corpse we have in our garage basement is stinking it up so bad!  I just can’t stand it!  Damn raccoons probably rotting in the walls or something.  Damn you death, damn it!”2Hope: “Mom, I just heard the news!  They said someone died here!  I hope it wasn’t anyone in this family…”

Justice: “Don’t worry darling, I’ll figure it out and make a report on it once I wedge myself out of this couch.”3Hetal:”Oh man, I know I like my meat thoroughly cooked but you didn’t have to burn yourself that badly.”

Hope: “You know, this joke you got going on that you’re going to eat me and Grace is getting old.  I’m in high school now, Aunt Hetal.”

Hetal: “Wait, this whole time you thought I was joking?  No wonder no one took me seriously…”4Dee Dee: “I really think you should leave the cooking to the professional.”

Hysteria: “Die already.  I AM the professional.  Only I can maintain this kind of connection with the Egg, this kind of sync, this ultimate form”

Dee Dee: “I don’t want food poisoning though”5Hetal: “This is why I don’t risk it, especially when we have months worth of cake in stock.  You people are fools for risking it.”

Hysteria: “Keep it up and you’ll be sleeping on the couch forever.  In the basement.  Where Alex died.”

Hope: “I really don’t think this stuff is any danger.  It’s so crisp, and the flavor just melts in my mouth.”6Hope: “Wait a minute, THAT’S who died recently?!  I wish someone told me!  I wouldn’t have spent so much time blindly grieving and would have liked to go to her funeral…”

Hetal: “Oh you didn’t miss much.  The funeral consisted of her body being dumped over the fence onto the neighboring property.  Whoever lives there that’s their problem now.”7Oof, well, I suppose the food wasn’t exactly safe after all.  Hetal tried to warn us.

Grace: “HRAUIGHDSAKJ”8Dee Dee: “And that’s when I said, ‘360!  Maize it’!”

Rage: “The hell are you doing, woman?”

Dee Dee: “I’m teaching Ramiel the dangers of pot and soon he will be an advocate for all drug prevention campaigns.”

Rage: “Dee Dee… The dragon can’t talk.”

Dee Dee: “He can when you eat those brownies your Aunt Agony keeps in the back of the fridge.  Hee hee…. he says all KINDS of wack shitake…”9Grace: “Ok mom, question 14.  The world anticipated the end of the world with Y2K.  Name three reasons why it SHOULD have ended and explain why.  So far I have bacon soap, Kim Kardashian’s wedding dress, and about 30 to 50 feral hogs. What do you think?”

Justice: “But I liked that lace… Oh, honestly, I couldn’t give you a good reason, this kind of thing was Baal’s expertise.  Although he’d make you write an essay on this stuff and you’re going to be spending the next 2 hours looking for your bed and we don’t got time for that.”10While that was going on, I heard some burglar music on the lot, and looked over at the road, where the mechanic was standing there finally where we called him hours earlier to fix the radio.

Greg: “Who’s truck is that”

Considering he didn’t do a damn thing for that radio, I assumed the game finally realized that these bastards are the real crooks and were calling them out on this BULLSHIT11Devon: “Nope homie G, it’s ME, your friendly neighborhood asshole!”

Well HELL ON YOUR LIVESTOCK12Betel: “Don’t worry Master Happiness!  I will protect you and stand valiant between you and the crook that threatens your life”

Devon: “I’m a thief, not a murderer, 😦 I’m only here to steal things I’m harmless as a baby lamb in spring”13I actually think Betel is just still concerned with that stupid fucking PLATE

Betel: “It mocks me so cruelly, please grant me mercy and end this suffering”14MEANWHILE, while Betel is petitioning an act from congress to remove the offending dish, this a-hole is making off with the flatscreens!

Devon: “Proper disassembly ensures it fits in my steal sack and is safe from damage when I run from the coppas'”15Devon: “Also I’m just gonna stop being super sneaky and all that, this guy has Kenny G blasting on his overhead speakers throughout this house and no one can probably even hear me considering they’re breaking physics, and my eardrums”

Good.16Devon: “OH SHIT, THE COPPA’!! I’M JUST THE GARDENER I SWEAR!  I’M CHECKING ON THESE FLOWERS OR whatever they are”

Justice: “Nonsense!  I saw what you did to that tv!  Stop what you’re doing there, thief!”17Justice: “Unfortunately… I can’t detain him, I’m out of uniform and I’m not authorized to make an arrest off clock…”

JUSTICE, PLEASE I BEG YOU

Devon: “Haha, yessss, well pardon me while I take this extra bit of time to swipe some more flat screens.  Later!”18Hysteria: “Justice, I SWEAR TO SATAN if you don’t SHOOT THIS BITCH before he touches my rightful inheritance, I will poison your wife and kids”19Justice: “I don’t have anything on me to stop him, but my associate should be on route near here, so-Janet?  JANET!!  JANET BRING THE BEAR MACE!!  JANET WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WENT ON VACATION THIS WEEK, THEY’RE STEALING MY SAMSUNGS”

Hysteria: “Let me use my FISTS, I will end this once and for ALL”

And then the game, despite Hysteria being Brave, would NOT let me let her loose on the bastard, which, what GIVES?  I thought brave sims could clock the burgarlers, LET HER BRAWL EA, GOD

Bonehilda: “Are ya winnin’ son”20Betel: “Oh he’s done.  Packed up and he’s out of here.  Should I at least snap a pic of the license plate?  All I got is a flip phone but it still takes clear enough images.”

Justice: “FFFFFFruit rollups.”21Betel: “Well, hopefully he will use his new financial gains to buy a car that doesn’t look like it smells like 30 year old cigarette burns and engine dust.”

Hysteria: “DAMMIT JUSTICE, IF ALEX WAS ALIVE SHE’D NOT LET THAT THIEF ESCAPE LIKE YOU DID, AND SHE WAS USELESS

Cop: *Rolls up 5 minutes late with Starbucks*22Hysteria: “You are THE worst cop I have ever seen in my life, what kind of work do you even do, if not serve and protect!”

Justice: “Come on, Agony, I do plenty of protecting… I mean, after all this community has a lot of rampant teenager crimes after 11pm, I got my work cut out for me at the precinct…”23Hysteria: “YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!!  YOU ARE DEAD TO ME, JUSTICE FALLEN!!”

Justice: “I’m not dead, Alex is dead don’t you remember”

Break it up ladies, everyone is tired and cranky and you both need to go home.24mEaNwHiLe, Happiness didn’t notice anything going down in his house.  Didn’t even stir in his sleep.

Happiness: “Mmffphnzzmm, Tobey McGuire what are you still doing loitering around here you were so last chapter ago…”25Grace: “Oh Swedish Meatball.  I will neglect my duties of the world to stay in your loving embrace…”

Like hell you guys are.  Y’all were behaved and kept IF play to a reasonable amount before, but now you’re neglecting your needs for this shit?  Yoink.26Rage: “No please wait, I’m not even playing with Tuberculosis, I’m playing with other toys and mixing it up!  Isn’t that right Crocolisa, tell her to not take Tuberculosis away from me…”

No sale, kid.  Grace is two seconds away from pissing and passing herself out because of these assholes.  Can’t risk it, so give.
27Tuberculosis and Swedish Meatball were sent to live on a farm according to the children.  And by farm I mean I threw them into the woods on a lot on the far side of town.

Wild Horse: “WHAT EVIL WRATH HAVE THOUST BESTOWED UPON MY LAND”

Meatball: “I’m actually very sad.”

Oh well.  RIP.28Because Frenchie and Angry Cat belong to teenagers, they are already walking around and being ignored by their significant others anyway, so they were spared the fate of death by wilderness.

Hope: “WELL THAT’S JUST NOT FAIR AT ALLLLL”

Frenchie: “Excuse me”30Looking around the other house, this lovely mixed doberman strolled by going who knows where, probably to escape bathtime after dipping his entire leg in The Pinkest Pink by Stuart Semple.

Cairo: “I AM affiliated with Anish Kapoor.”

Gasp, BAD DOG31The girls came over to clean up these horrible leaves that I’m three steps away from modding out of this game (the aesthetics wear off after a few in game years of this stuff), because they both want to throw a Feast Party for fall.

The fact that Betel is helping does my heart good.

Hysteria: “About time she actually even fucking did anything…

Justice: “Aw, give her some credit…”32Justice: “Welcome to the party, Sabrina!  Please, feel free to go ahead and grab a plate, and don’t mind my smell, I spent all morning cleaning the yard for everyone and there’s just not enough hours in the day to find to take a bath.”

Sabrina: “Nah, pardon me if that just doesn’t give me an appetite.”33Serenity: “Carmen, what is this?”

Carmen: “Um.  Chili con carne, mother.”

Serenity: “And what is it made of??”

Carmen: “….CARNAGE.”

Serenity: “Sigh.  I’m with Sabrina too.  I’ve suddenly lost my appetite as well.”34I invited Justice’s work partner as well because building a relationship with her has proven to be more difficult than I even expected.  Of course she left instantly, but being a vampire I actually can’t blame her.

A hell cat crashed the party too.35Pepper: “But with these new eyes, I’m 40% more moé than ever before.  You can look into my one intact eye and totally trust me, dude.”

Janet: “This is actually the real reason I’m leaving this party.”36Agony: “HYSTERIA.  My lifelong nemesis.  Dare you even still show face in Happiness’ family kitchen.  Today is the day I tear your lips off and give you a good swirlie in a toilet!”

Hysteria: “Oh no.  Serenity, look a gremlin.  What horrible things does it say about me!  Why did anyone let that thing crash our lovely dinner party…”

Serenity: “Probably another one of the sorry creatures my sister felt bad for and let in the house.  Never fear!  I will knock out what’s left of her teeth for you!”37Happiness to the rescue, however.  He found a guitar that’s been in Peace’s studio since the beginning of the town’s existence and soothed the savage beasts that were about to brawl in the kitchen with his lulling vampire vocals.

Happiness: “~A B C D E F G ~ I love you and you love me~”

Serenity: “I still think it’s odd that that thing keeps showing up at family get togethers…”38Hysteria: “Dammit Happiness, with all of us drawn into your magic music, now no one will get to try my new recipe of almond cookies…”

Tenisha: “Aunt Justice already threw away those cyanide death traps, so your “recipe” never even stood a chance.”

Hysteria: “Awwww…”39Boring party over, Phillip had his birthday and he’s still very much his dad.

Phillip: “But I am hairy like monkey man”40You might need those dentures, Phillip.  Just saying.

Phillip: “Why need teeth, we’ve evolved to slurp the ants out of their mounds with our sticky and barbed tongues.  Just take them and sell them on eBay, it’s fine!”41Wicked: “EXCUSE ME?  Can’t you see I’m very busy back here clearly NOT pissing myself and giving myself stinky butt?  How did you even find me, I picked under the basement stairs specifically for the reason of not getting found clearly not peeing all over the floor!”

Dee Dee: “Um.  If you say so.”42Dee Dee: “I followed you to wish you a happy birthday, Wicked!  TOOT TOOT!  ALSO your birthday present is going to be soap and Charmin.”

Wicked: “Oh WOW!  It’s my birthday already?!  And NO ONE NOTICED?  Golly gee, I’m so loved to be told this NOT in advance…”

Actually had no idea, but I wasn’t paying attention either.  I’m bad about this lately.43Despite being a clone of his Hetal mother, Wicked does look pretty bitchin’.

He grew up a diva, so he knows he is pretty bitchin’.

Wicked: “Damn straight.”44The end of the chapter brings updates about the townsfolk of the neighboring houses.  Jenny is growing up… I think…

She is currently a grown woman’s face on a toddler’s body.  45Dianna is an interesting mix, with all of her mother’s facial features with all of her dad’s fun-ness.  Toaster is so thrilled with this fact that she is currently living with neither of her parents for SOME REASON.  Like her mom is gone from this household now.

Dianna: “I was adopted out as an exotic pet.  Mom and dad sold me for about $40,000 and currently are living it up in Bora Bora.  It’s ok.  They’ll be back when the money runs out.  Living with my owners isn’t all that bad.  They always remember to fill the food bowl before midnight.”46Rodrigo’s child is also shaping up to be potentially HANDSOME.  Thank you Frida.

Frida: “You’re welcome.  Giving birth to a half dead baby ogre gives you the advantages of genetics.”

That’s… not scientifically founded…47Another child, not of the Florida men or Arwing mini legacies, is this little middle aged man, cursed forever to live as a seven year old child, with a 47 year old hair cut.48Are you OK, JUSTON?  Who do you need me to call, the AARP or DSS?49Juston: “Oh you’re talking about this? Yeah… mom says that ghosts keep stealing my hair while I sleep.  I try to stay up at night to catch them but they catch me off guard every time… look, LOOK!  THERE THEY GO AGAIN!  I’m not even safe from the ghosts in my own thoughts!!”

Thought-Bubble Ghost: *Whisks away with the last tufts of Juston’s poor hair*50Back to the corner with Tyrone, he’s knocked up another girl, like I know this town has supernatural beings but the amount of monster fuckers in this town is phenomenal.

Tyrone: *T-rex roar from Jurassic Park*

Linda: “UNF, daddy material”51And lastly, due to all this fuckery with the town breeding with fallout mutants, Rodrigo took the opportunity to become a gene therapist, of all things.

Rodrigo: “Trust me, in the next few years, this line of work is going to make me FILTHY rich.  At this rate, we may NEVER leave Bora Bora!”

Dianna: *Cries in her hamster wheel*

Spark Notes

1Sabrina: “Please, Happiness… I’m begging you… I haven’t dated in years and I’m so lonely and sad and puny”

Happiness: “:) never”

I haven’t updated since April, and the following chapter happened right before the end of spring, so some of the things I’m behind on.  I usually post most, if not all, my stuff before my disappearance, but I didn’t do this whole chapter, so we shall pick up from what I remember.

(Also wordpress is doing this shit where I can’t upload pictures en masse or else the space bar stops working when I write????? HELLO???? I have to add a picture one at a time and then type and this kind of slow method shit kills me so I’m dragging so much ass typing anymore ;n;)2This is Dianna, our child of Toaster and LOOK, Felicity’s genes look like they’re coming through!

Toaster: “With this child, the curse will end!  I’m sobbing, I can’t believe it”

She still has a couple of birthdays yet to see if something pops out of place, but I think she’s on the road to normalcy.2Rodrigo out there making nooboos as well.  He has a better chance with genes than Toaster did (though not by much), although his baby mama is a ghost…3Frida!  How’s it like being dead and giving birth to the living?

Frida: “The guys down at the paranormal police department thought I was carrying an actual grapefruit in my adomen for the past few months.  Jokes on them when I dropped this kid out while filing out warrents like a bag of rocks.”

Right.  Moving on to the Fallens.4Grace: “Mother, I would like to inform you that I can only eat my chili vegan now.  It’s got to be the organic tofu, no older than six months to the expiration date.  Trust me, my stomach knows the cheap stuff.  You don’t want me blowing up this outhouse I recommend getting the imported brand from Whole Foods.”5Dee Dee: “Young lady, in this house we eat the meats that I harvest from hunting that the blessed earth gave us, or Food Lion, and you will eat what we put on the table.”

Grace: “Ok, but when all the toilets in the house become No Man Zones, do not come looking for me.”6Alex: “Shit, my escape has been compromised!  If I try to step over her, she’ll hear me and turn me into stone!  Or at the least trip me up.  Is this even worth it…”

It’s not, turn around and get back in your hole.  Don’t even know how you got out of it in the first place…7Alex: “PEEK A BOO I SEE YOU”

Alice: “I like visiting my friend to visit their bathroom only, yes siree”8Alice: “Bitch this isn’t even your house, don’t just walk up into a occupied bathroom like you own the place!  Can’t you see I’m thinking about pissing in here?!”

Alex: “Well you don’t have to back me all the way up on a corner, literally.  I can’t leave with you cramming me up in the wall now can I?”9Alex: “But in all seriousness, Alice, PLEASE take me with you.  Help me escape this hell hole!  I’ve been trapped in their basement for who knows how long!  Do you know how close I came to ACTUALLY using the easel they locked up down there with me?!  I don’t even have paint!!  What do they expect me to USE?!”

Alice: “I stopped listening to you before you even came into the bathroom, girl.  Bye.”

Alex was then locked back up in the basement I think.10You guys enjoying the backyard so much you guys won’t move again?

Jealousy: “No because Liam is being FUCKING NASTY OVER THERE”

Liam: “N-no I’m not I’m just…. readjusting my colon…”11Hysteria: “Only one person left in this house and you think that shithead bone maid can do something about him and his mess?  What the hell do I pay that bitch for?”

Betel: *Still sobbing over that one plate probably* “I have a queue for it all I swear!”12Grace: “Welp, I can just blame my broken alarm clock that I don’t even have and call it a sick day!  No one will mind, surely!”

Great job, kid.13Grace: “Seeing as I need sleep anyway, mother, I am going back to bed.  Wake me up at dinner time, but ONLY if it’s tofu!”

Dee Dee: “Sure thing dear!”14Dee Dee: “Oh Malibu Ken.  If only you whisked me away in a fairytale romance, I could afford a nice house with nicer beds for my children to not blame for routefailing on school days, but alas.  I won’t be making stinky tofu dinner today anyway.”15Hysteria: “Gasp!  I love him!  A perfect replacement for my pink rabbit that you sullied, Alex.  I will reprogram him to kill so if you ever escape AGAIN, as if I wouldn’t find out you did last time, he’ll reduce you to cinders and ash.”

Alex: “Zzz snore why Tobey Maguire these roses are lovely, zzzz”16Hope: “This world is going to heck in a handbasket, soon we will be living in environments that will be too hostile or hazardous for decent living.  Do you or do you not agree?”17Hope: “Ah, good, I’m glad we are on the same page.  That being said, I have installed lead paneling in the walls to protect from imminent government influenced fallout.  Safety first!”18Hope: “And yes, you can stay in the Armageddon bunker with us.  When the nuclear winter destroys our way of life, we will have enough supplies to feed a family of twenty!!  For six months.  That’s like, two winters!”

Hope, did the lead panelings get to you?19Hope: “And as for you, we will lead this family together (probably) and arise in a new world, and bring about a new age of carbon free emissions and plant based diets!”

Rage: *Begins eating his own shirt*

Hope: “You’re already getting the hang of it!”20While Hope was socializing with the wall paper and Rage, I noticed her hair is HELLA low res.  I know my computer is running on potato power but holy shit.

Rage: “If I touch it it might cut me and give me gangrene :)”21Hope: “Mom, allow me to demonstrate to you why science will save us all and the world.”

Justice: “Zzzmph not right now, Hope, it’s 4am, let me sleep under my ultra uber thick weighted blanket in peace”22Hope: “Well it’s going to start with renewable and sustainable energy sources, which begin with dismantling the aristocracy and OOFIAHGKW”

Justice: “Zzzz, snort, sniff, whua, Tobey Maguire, what are you doing in my dream I thought you were Alex’s dream man now, zzzz”23Hope: “Begone foul ghost!  I will defend my mother and family from your evil ways!  You will not defeat me by keeping me silent with your gasoline loving presence!”

Justice: “Zz, Tobey I’m married, it’s not meant to be, please stop sobbing, zzz”24Hope: “Mother I fended off the gas loving ghost.  I did it for us.  I did it for the FAMILY.  Can we PLEASE get a solar panel now?!”

Justice: “Zzz, oh Tobey, I love my wife, so this break up doesn’t effect me.  Matter of fact I’m happy with it so get out my house before I get the rake, zzzz”

Hope: “Dang it, Frenchie, she didn’t buy it.  We gotta go back to square one…25Justice: “Morning to everyone except the person that blocked my way to the fridge!”

Dee Dee: “Fridges are hard.”

I know the fridge bugged out last time because Alex had one that caused widespread panic and kitchen chaos, but this time the fridge just stopped working for god knows.26Justice: “And so I bought a new one.  Even more gaudy than before.  And so retro.  Now that I’m back cooking for the family, Hope, can you clean off the grill for me?”

Hope: “Mmm cold soup, can’t hear you over the sound of Campbells, mom”27Justice: “Ah well.  I can just work around it.  It’s only eight months old or something like that I’m sure it’s baked to a crisp by now and is sanitary enough to cook next to.”

Or just CLEAN IT OFF like a NORMAL PERSON28Hope: “Hello mom 🙂 is this your favorite place to pee pee now?  Because we have like three toilets you know.”

Dee Dee: “DON’T YOU HAVE HOMEWORK TO DO”29And then birthday time, for baby Rage.  In the graveyard.  No party as usual.30Hetal: “This time I will do the honors so be grateful I bothered carrying you out here.”

Rage: “YOU ONLY WANT CAKE, DON’T TOUCH ME”31Then Hetal stood there and didn’t cake him until the bottom fell out of the sky and soaked everything.

Hetal: “As it should be.”

Dee Dee: “DON’T give the boy pneumonia, Hetal!”32Hetal: “Yes my plan is coming to fruition!  Next I will rid you once again to a pack of wolverines and that free cake is MINE”

Dee Dee: “I’m going to have to adopt those children myself, aren’t I…”33Rage is looking good.  New trait is just Hates the Outdoors.  Probably from being abandoned in the yard as a baby.34Though I can’t tell.

Rage: “Howdy yall.  It’s time t’ put on our outerwear an’ harvest fall crops befur’ the frost eats’em up.”

Hetal: “I WISH I COULD EAT”

NO ONE TOLD YOU TO WALK AWAY WITHOUT ANY CAKE35Alex: “I wish I had cake.  But I don’t even have a shower, thanks to that damn ghost, probably.  Is this how you guys treat your prisoners?”

Hysteria: “Lol yeah.”36Justice: “Do you SEE what I’m talking about, Rage?  Absolutely ridiculous.  How does anyone expect me to feed this family if I can’t even get to the fridge??”

Rage: “I mean, you could use your legs, and WALK to it, but I heard you didn’t pass high school so”

Fridge is DELETED AGAIN, this time placed on the wall on the other side of that door.37Hetal: “Oh man, I love looking wistfully out windows.  Reminds me that I’m so alone in the world and fuels my anger at everyone and I LOVE IT”38Hetal: “Piss, all my bobbypins failed all at the same time.  Oh well” *Doesn’t have a mid life crisis over it*39Hetal: “Redoing all this hair really works up an appetite, fuck I’m going to DIE”

Dee Dee: “A whole kitchen AND my wife makes everything around here and she still thinks she can complain like this”

Justice: “Don’t give her the attention, it’s what she does this for”40Wicked: “She’s whiny about starving to death, now that I have a brother, where am I supposed to sleep?  I’m not sharing the bed with him!”41Hysteria: “Well you aren’t sleeping on my couch that I never use anymore.  You better get that thought out of your head right the fuck now.”

Wicked: “I hate you mother always know that”42Hysteria: “Kids stressing me out so much my eyeballs are coming detached.  Do they ever think about me and how much this costs me in reconstruction surgery every time something breaks?  No, they don’t. Ungrateful little shits.”43Not much changed in their room other than a bunk bed was added.  The house is getting a little snug.44Mephistopheles: “Snug or not, this house will know the TERROR I will induce upon it!”45Mephistopheles: “Oh snap you’re right it really is snug.  But it’s cozy.  Therefore it’s mine now.”

Just a cat being a cat.46Hope: “Alrighty then Mr. Homework, we gotta get done and make my parents proud of me.  Come here, boy!  Pspspspspsps”

Hetal: “You’re blocking the FRIDGE”47And then WHAT THE FUCK, HOPE

Hope: “Man, that homework kicked my butt.  I’m so dead when mom finds out how bad I failed that essay.  Might as well go ahead and buy my own tomb”

Fridge: *Farts*48Hope: “I’d take a bath but man if this song isn’t JAMMING”

Ramiel: *T-poses for dominence of the living room*

The French Revolution: “HURK”49Hope: “And that’s when I told mom that the friction of the eraser on my notebook caused a spark that lit me on fire and that’s why my homework didn’t get done and that’s why I’m not allowed to listen to the radio for a week.”

Grace: “You know when they say to use SparkNotes, they don’t mean LITERALY”50Grace: “Consider yourself lucky, Rage.  Her BO just busted my sense of smell.”

Rage: “She scares me”51Wicked: “Oh shit, Hope is right, this song really does slap”

Ramiel: “LEAVE MY FUCKING PRESENCE”52Hysteria: “You skipped the bus?  You fucking embarrass me.  For this I’m reabsorbing you into my uterus and pretending you never existed”

Wicked: *Muffed* “But you didn’t birth me*53Hysteria: “Sigh.  Fine, since I can’t absorb nor can I beat you to death, I will let you go.  With a warning.  This time.”

Wicked: “Um.  Thanks.”54Then this was the time I went to save the game to turn it off and not touch it again for the remainder of the year, and upon saving I get THIS message, which… made no sense for a second because everyone in the house was safe, Hetal was in bed, NOT STARVED, so I thought it was a bug.55It wasn’t, it was Alex, who I DID forget to give a piece of cake to after all…

Alex: “My life, my hopes and dreams!  How… how could you just forget about me?  I was a part of this family, I was Hysteria’s best friend, I was IMPORTANT”

Hysteria: *Sleeps on like the bitch she is*56Alex: “Oh what the fuck ever.  Bye.”

Oops, sorry, Alex.57Alex: “Thank you for rescuing me.  The worst of this all was that shower spraying me all night and making this whole room musty.  I will not miss this smell.”

RIP Alex.  I’d say this was sad but you were a shit maid.  Later.

Tans, Sinks, and Eyebrows

Hello, to our 69th post on 4/20!! AYYYY (actually this was technically finished on the 21st because the universe decided I needed a migraine on the 20th instead FUCKING DICK sob)

To celebrate this holy kushy holiday, we have 69 photos for this chapter.  The post itself, however, is pot free I’m afraid.1Hope: “And that’s a good thing!  As much as the chemical gives you a good boost to your mood, abuse of the drug itself is dangerous and toxic to your health in certain ways, if you aren’t careful.”

Wicked: “That’s just pussy talk.  You just aren’t injecting the marijuanas right.”

Justice: “Oh kids, no drug talk at the table, it’s a drug free part of the house.”

Hope: “We LITERALLY had a chemical table in here for most of my life, mom.”2Justice: “And please face the other way at the table, Hetal.  It’s family time, and the birthday of your son, you should at least participate in the conversation.”

Hetal: “And you can participate in minding your own fucking business.”

Wicked: *sad eating noises*3Justice: “I see Rick made a run for it while he was still young and smart.”

Chanda: “I’m here to wash your windows.  Bathe your furniture.  Baste the turkey.  I promise I’ll do a better job than any predecessor you had before me.”

And then she did, it was nice.4However the game gave us TWO maids this time and this one is the most useless I have ever had, and leaves Chanda to do all the work on her own.

Jan: “I’ll let you suck my blood if you let me suck your di-”

Please die somewhere far away like in the center of the ocean, Jan.  I already hate you.5The house got another extension for Wicked’s new room, so now whenever Rage is let back into the house he can have the old nursery.6How’s living alone going for you, Happiness?

Happiness: “I’VE BEEN GETTING PELTED AT BY HAIL ALL MORNING, WHEN IS IT SUPPOSED TO STOP??”

I mean it’s only been going for several hours, I’m pretty sure that was your first clue at staying out of the pool in the first place.7Nice tan for a vampire though.  Not sure why your skin is melting off as if you’re made out of cotton candy.

Happiness: “I mean, I am a vampire with a tan.  It’s probably so contradicting that the game can’t fathom the idea and that’s why my body is literally sloughing off of me right now.  Please hand me a shirt and some bandaids.”
8The house is still FUCKING NASTY and even though the house across the street has two maids now, no one is touching this one, so its time to bring Betel back once again.

Betel: *Spawns outside of her closet so she doesn’t have to touch the eyesore physically*9Betel: “OH GOD, OH MAN, OH GOD, OH MAN, OH GOD, OH MAN

Yeah…… good luck, Betel, this is probably going to be your magnum opus.
10HOLY FUCK

TYRONE BRED11Tyrone: “Behold.  I didn’t steal this one this time.”

Phillip, Son of Tyrone: *Is 45% eyeball*

Miriam: “Is this the brownies kicking in?  Is this what my hallucinations look like on weed??”12There is something unique about baby Phillip, but I can’t put my finger on it.  I’m starting to think though, that the genetics of Arwing’s line are just too strong to be fully affected by whatever monster fucker they keep breeding with.

Phillip, Son of Tyrone: *THX start up noises*

Tyrone: “That’s my boy!”14Justice: “Don’t mind me.  I’m donating to charity.  Must help those less fortunate than us.  Yessir.  Nothing out of the ordinary about me doing this at 3 in the morning.  Nothing odd out here at all.”13Justice: “Except for that that just ran out of my bushes, who in the FLIP FLOP ARE YOU”

???: “Um.  I can explain…                         …..Ok, bye!”

Justice: “THAT EXPLAINED NOTHING”

Peace from the dirt: “MY LONG LOST CHILD probably, SOBBBBBAKRJOAIEGOFKJASLFAJK”
15Tenisha grew up on a porch somewhere and she’s still continuing to be very pretty despite all challenges!!  I’m proud of her.

Tenisha: “Who stole this BBQ’s paintjob”

16Ah yes.  A perfect job for a 13-15 year old girl.  I’m sure she can’t wait to bust cold-cases in between geometry tests.17Tenisha: “I spy with my private eye, dem tiddies”

Hysteria: “If you even try to report them stolen (which they are not, you have no proof) I’ll mess up your face too, mark my words.”18Then Hysteria did it anyway.

Hysteria: “Hey, I only messed up your makeup.  And to be fair, I think it’s vogue as fuck.  So you should thank me instead, ungrateful little shit.”

Tenisha: “Vogue??  I look like a clown-mime hybrid, and if I had my real eyebrows back I’d be expressing fury on my face right now.”19Here’s the full glory shot of her new look, since in-game won’t show her funky new eyelashes. Had it forever, and had to use those on someone one of these days, might as well be now.20Alex: “Hey, I’m a werewolf now.  They finally gave me my license from the Werewolf Committee.  God it feels good to have real skin again.”

Marlena: “MACHINES like THIS EXIST??  Even during MY TIME?!  There’s no way I can believe that, Jada!!”

Jada: “Yeah, I can believe you’re too stupid to believe it.”21Marlena: “Ah.  Modern technology, I knew it was too good to be true.”

Jada: “Really?  You already broke it.  My daughter is going to exorcise you one of these days, you know that right?”

Marlena: “What do you mean, I was getting exercise from this machine before it broke all on it’s own!”

Jada: “Nevermind.”22Hetal: “Good job, bitch!  You broke the one piece of equipment I didn’t know we had in the room I mostly ignore!  My wife is going to be furious at you!!”

Jada: “Good, tell her to kill her again!”

Marlena: “:)”24Hetal: “You seem like someone who would be impressed with my witchcraft skills!  I may not have ridden a broomstick in years, but I assure you I’m the best there is.”

Marlena: “Amazing!  I can see with that level of skill and expertise why Agony here chose you as her spouse.”23Hysteria: “Honestly give me one good reason I don’t take those two useless hens and clock them in the head with this wrench for doing nothing but being in my way.”

Alex: *El snore*25Happiness: “I am ignoring the sink in the kitchen screaming for the sweet release of death to play video games.  Nothing kills a tan faster than nerding out on video games for a while.  Let’s begin.”26Happiness: “Wha… that’s totally not fair!  Zenyatta’s at a disadvantage against Sombra’s ult ability as it is, there is no need to 2 v 1 me when I’m already left with no way to counter properly with the odds stacked against me as it is!!”

Hmmm, not pasty enough, he can get nerdier and go paler…27Happiness: “Absolute and utter bullfart!! Winston’s ult with Ana’s ult is a waste of both because Winston does less damage when raging and nano’ed than he would just using his default Tesla Canon!!  The track on the projectile, along with the boost on his already 60 dmg/second makes it more effective than getting slapped around in ult mode, plus, the only reason the Ana is not nanoing me and boosting my Reaper’s ult is because they queued together and I ASSURE you I will report them for poor teamwork!!”

THERE’S the pasty reflective sheen of vampiric skin that I… actually don’t remember being that white.

All regained after just seconds of video game playing.  That’s the power of Xbox, baby.28Meanwhile Betel has probably been doing this for a long time now.

Might help to, you know, fix the sink first?  Just suggesting.

Betel: “I GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL!! AAAAAA”

I’m sure you do.
29Hetal: “YOU DIDN’T DO IT!  You kept putting off teaching her to use the toilet and now you’re too late!!  She’ll never make it in time for her birthday and you know it!!”

Grace: “She’s right mama… I’m really tired of forcing the poopies I don’t even have right now…”

Justice: “Sigh.  I guess you’re right… but just one more time!! She just has to try poopsies one more time and we can do it, I just know it!!”30Justice: “Come, Grace!  We are going to use the bathroom one more time!  We have less than an hour before you grow up, and we are so close!  I believe in you!”

Grace: “Do you?  Because you’re walking in the opposite direction of the toilet.”31Justice: “Just meet me down the bottom of the stairs so I can pick you up and take you to the bathroom!  Quickly now, we are running out of time.”

Grace: “MOM, YOU’RE BUGGING OUT AGAIN, DO YOU REALLY THINK WE GOT TIME FOR THIS”32Grace: “Whatever, if it gets mama out of this dumb broken stair loop then so be it.”

THAT’S NOT SAFE, GRACE

Grace: “I don’t CARE, I’m tired of her bugging on the staircase!”33Grace: “Just so everyone knows, its about time to call someone for this asbestos.  Real dusty back here.”
34Grace: “A for effort, mama.  You’ll get them next time.”

Justice: “Well, that’s just gravy.”
35Grace: “So what do I do if I have to use the bathroom at school?  Will they yell at me if I poop at my desk or do you think I can still fit in a diaper?”

Justice: “I have no one to blame but myself!  UGH.  If I could arrest myself I would!!”

Grace: “Yeah. I’m just as disappointed as you are.  I think.”36Now that she has pants, Grace is now a vegetarian.  She only has one more chance at getting the Good trait or else she’s out of the heirship.

Now go eat a carrot, bitch.

Grace: “K”37Grace’s crib is replaced with a bed now, so you have no choice but to sleep in your own crib now, Rage.

Rage: “Joke’s on you, I’ve never been in a crib before in my life.”
38Rage: “Yes, please continue to impale yourself in the ladder!!  The more you attempt to remove me from under this bed the worse you get!”

Justice: “Why is my day so bad today :(“39Dee Dee: “Now that we have no more toddlers, you are on your own!  I’m retiring from the baby scene, and your kids have no reason to be in my kid’s room.  Take your kid and go on with your evil self, Hetal!”

Hetal: “Now is that any way to turn a child away when he needs someone to care and raise him?”

Dee Dee: “You LITERALLY put him out in the woods for like two days!  Who are you to talk!!”40Hetal: “Yeah you’re right.  Come Rage.  I’ll show you the inside of the washing machine.”

Rage: “YAYYY”

Dee Dee: “What”41Alex: “I feel the power of the moon!  It FLOWS THROUGH MY VEINS!!”

Cynthia: “OH MY LORD!! A WEREWOLF!! THE ABSOLUTE HORROR!!”42Alex: “THAT’S RIGHT, LOOK UPON MY FORM AND TREM… did you really just piss on my carpet.”

Cynthia: “So sorry about that… I have a weak bladder and it just happens sometimes.”

Alex: “This sucks, I don’t even have any paper towels in here, the smell will last for weeks!! Also wait a second…”43Alex: “Y-you’re a GHOST!”

Cynthia: “Uh yeah.  I had forgotten about that actually.  Glad to meet you I’m Cynthia.  You can call me Cy.  No one calls me Cy.”44Cynthia: “Now if you don’t mind I’m passing out from the sheer terror of A WEREWOLF, SO SCARY!”

Alex: “Yeah yeah.  Have fun with that, I’m going to go take a nap for 8 hours.”45Cynthia: “Ok, so I know you just fell asleep and all, but ghost pee is really rank so you really need to leave the room so I can shower.  I’d hate it if you happened to wake up and caught sight of my little ghost boobies.”46Alex: “Really.  Lady, do you not see this room?  I LIVE here.  I have no where to go.  You’re just going to have to bathe somewhere else or deal with your pissy stink self on your own.”47Cynthia: “WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS THIS MADHOUSE?!”

You contribute to it, Cynthia.48The end of summer is around the corner, and considering how eternal the last winter was, it didn’t feel like summer even lasted.  Enjoy the warmth while it lasts, kid.

Abandoned baby: “I’m dying”49Hysteria: “I’m beauty, I’m grace…”50Hysteria: “I’m thinking about smacking that baby in its fucking face.”

Pop your spine back into place first.51The whiny baby in question carries the Good trait, so I got to make a note to keep an eye on him.  Though the man that’s carrying him is Face One and if he’s the father, I’m already disappointed.
52Hysteria: “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU”

Concession stand lady: “Um.  I work here?  Want a hot dog?”

Hysteria: “I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE A MYTH”

Lots of caps lock this chapter53Justice: “I’m so happy to help the less fortunate!  I love doing it in the middle of the night, this way Agony doesn’t yell at me for “wasting” money on charity!”

Easy way to make her happy at least.
54Happiness: “Are you another summon to help with the cleanliness?  If that’s the case, I’m gonna need you to start working on the dishes.  I’ve been out for two weeks and I’m tired of eating directly on the counter tops.”

Wicked: “You dumb bastard, I can’t be alone after curfew, but if I follow Hetal she swings a bat at me.  I figured the vampire and the skeleton across the street were safer.”

Happiness: “Well, I guess in that case, you aren’t wrong.”
55Happiness: “We only have 4 beds left in the house, so make yourself at home in one of them.”

Wicked: “Too late”

Happiness: “Well I tried…  Anyway, what’s on the late night channels?”56Wicked: “I’ll be brutality honest.  The sink is so ungodly loud, it’s keeping me up.  How do you live like this with a swamp in your kitchen??”

Happiness: “At this point in my life, the sloppiness has actually grown on me and I know nothing else.”

Betel: *Is already drinking herself into a stupor probably*61End of that.  It’s time for a surprise for you, Hope!  Head to the kitchen to see what it is!

Hope: “I already know it’s a birthday cake.  I can see it from the window!! You can’t get me to go in there no matter how hard you try.”58Angela: “Well I see you’re in here anyway.”

Hope: “I couldn’t eat the tree leaves.  I guess puberty won’t be too bad, it’s worth this sherbet.”59Hope: “Speaking of growing up, how in the fruit loop did you get to grow up before I did?”

Frenchie: “Hormones?  Better genes?  It’s not the steroids in your mother’s chemical concoctions from her potions days if that’s what you’re implying.”

Hope: “I didn’t imply…”60Peace: “Hi”

Frenchie: “YES, a ghost!!  Totally takes the heat off of me and the steroid use, which I’m not doing.”

Hope: “YES a gh-Oh I broke my wrist.”
62Justice: “So you’re not mad at me anymore?  For not teaching you to sit on the toilet right as a baby?”

Grace: “Mom, don’t worry about it.  How hard can pooping be?  You sit on the toilet, you do your thing.  Only thing to do really is to sit.  And I’m pretty sure sitting is the easiest thing in the world.”

Justice: “Um…… yeah, I guess so.”63ANYWAY birthday ppls.

Tenisha: “You remember the game plan?  I’ll get her good and distracted, you snatch your nose off of her face and make a mad run for it, ok?”

Agony: “And I already told you.  It ain’t happening.  I heard her wife is a witch and last thing I need is to be turned into a mushroom somewhere.  Just drop the waffles off, and meet me back at the house after the caking.”

Then Agony left immediately and hid under her porch I suppose.64Hope: “I guess being a teenager will be fun!  Kinda can’t wait to go on dates and prom and learn to drive.”

Leonard: “And I can’t wait to bang your mom, damn girl you fine”65Hope: “Now that Mama Dee Dee has smited that pervert to a crisp, what should I wish for?”

Tenisha: “If you love me can you wish for my eyebrows to grow back?”

Hope: “Considering how nice you are to stay for my birthday, I will!”66Hope: “Actually I have to redact that wish and wish for some body fat, I’m sorry Tenisha.”

Dee Dee: “What”

Alice: “God feed your children, Dee Dee”67THERE we go.  Fixed and LOOKING GREAT.  A wonderful mix of genes between the two mothers, SEE EVALIN’S BLOODLINE?!  THIS IS HOW IT’S DONE.

Dee Dee: “Yay”

Alice: *Inhales all the air in the room*68Justice: “I’m so glad you grew up to be such a lovely young lady, my daughter.  But here’s the thing.  I see your new Rebellious trait.  Know that any inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated and even though you are my own daughter, I will be disappointed if you did the wrong things in life.”

Hope: “Oh mom.  Don’t be silly.  I’m a good person, I will only rebel against our corrupt systems, political wrong doings, and donate to the needy through charities.”

Justice: “GASP I love you.” 69Tenisha: “Sigh.  To think my mother should have been over this dynasty.  I would have been the heiress to be caked around here, made out all cute and have nice clothes and cool traits.  Now I have no idea what my personality is at all and I look goofy beyond reason.  This world is so cruel.”

Hope: “Oh calm down Tenisha.  Have some cake.  Chill a bit.  Later I’m going to go egg some abusive senators and politicians, you can join me if you’d like!”

Tenisha: “I guess.  Kinda sounds fun, I suppose.”57Ending here, where Betel is stuck in an eternal struggle with the wall, this table, and a Forbidden Plate.

Betel: “If I go for the plate, the turret will shoot me.  I may be undead, but that shit still hurts.”

Learn to think with portals, Betel.

The Wall Goblin

1Its the beginning of summer.  And Justice is still catching the flu every other week still.

Justice: “It’s ok!  I put my trust in my Healing Stones, and I’ll be healed one day soon!”

That explains it.2There is some good news though!  After ages of trying to satisfy the girls’ needs for science and (explosions), I believe they are finally sated, and the potions table is long gone!  Replaced with one of now many clothes hampers for this clothes filled house.3Hetal: “This one.  I have hope for this one.  THIS is the chosen one that I may imprint on to further my legacy.”

Wicked: “PLEASE, I AM DYING AND NEED SUSTENANCE”4Hetal: “Oh my fucking Satan, here you go, you little shit.  Only the finest of Chernobyl tower cooling water for you.”

Wicked: “I will treasure it forever!!”5Hope is a good kid.  Quiet, for a party animal.

Hope: “One day I will head this household, Frenchie.  And when I do, oh, soooooo many parties.  So many.”6Hysteria: “A small baby like you doesn’t need this anyway.  You can definitely choke on the stick alone and die and no one will know it until rigor mortis sets in, as often as you are checked every day.  I am confiscating it because I’m such a good person.”

Grace: “NO, I paid for that with my personal income!!”7Grace: “If anyone needs to be punished, take a lollipop away from Wicked!  He’s the one failing over here!!”

Hysteria: “Yeah well if Hetal would actually do something about him and stop twerking her naked ass on the wall and being useless, this wouldn’t happen.”8Last chapter, useless maid Alex retired and was sealed in the wall of the basement for Hysteria’s amusement.  I added a window wall so she can be viewed now.  Like a personal little zoo.9Alex: “Oh don’t worry.  I have a secret up my sleeve that will bust me out in no time.”

Yes, we already can tell you’re a werewolf.  It’s not really a well kept secret.10Alex: “YES!! SO BEHOLD!  WITH THE POWER OF THE MOON FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS, I WILL BURST THROUGH MY RESTRAINTS TO FREEDOM!!”
11Alex: “WITNESS MY ULTIMATE FORM OF POWER!”

OH FUCK ITS A GOBLIN12Alex: “COUGH cough, uegh, actually, on second thought, if I’m a prisoner in these walls, I don’t actually have to pay my mortgage ever again…”13Alex: “Soooo, yeah… this is an ok living arrangement.  I can accept this.”

Well she was easy to make content.14Hysteria: “Either my wife is really stupid and doesn’t realize I’m in the house, and that we have been married for ages now, or she thinks its hot to put nudes of herself in the mailbox for just anyone to find, but if it’s the latter, that’s kinda hot and she’s getting this ass tonight.”15Hope avoids the family by sleeping on the bench at the school alone.16Hope: “That’s ok!  Because my friend is here now!  And we are going to practice playing chess together.”

I wouldn’t trust a friend like that.18So for the entirety of 10 seconds I forgot that this was the name of Hope’s IF. I guessed someone somewhere was mobbing up for a riot.19On the other hand, at least Wicked is having a good time with that cat.20Back in the basement, Alex’s fridge (which she wasn’t using anyway) had to be deleted because the family was trying their damnedest to use it instead of the better one in the kitchen and the constant route failure was probably giving them brain damage.  I just have to remember to throw her a steak bone down here every so often so she doesn’t starve.

Alex: *Begins to run out of black printer ink*21Justice:  “This is hockeysticks!  I refuse to make dinner unless I have access to the newest appliance in the garage basement!  Alex tells me that THAT fridge has better yogurt!!”

Dee Dee: “Didn’t you just hear the narrator? That fridge was gotten rid of and now all we have is this one.”

Justice: “It’s not the one I WANT!  Add it back!  I want that fracking yogurt!!”22Dee Dee: “Sigh, I can clearly see you’re just bugging out now.  There.  I conjured a newer, better, more evenly colored fridge.  For your sake.  Will you please calm yourself now?”

Justice: *Sniff* “No…. I never got any of that good Yoplait…”

Dee Dee: “Fine, I’ll just have a fend-for-yourself dinner night.”23Edgardo: “You know what I haven’t had in generations?  Macaroni and cheese.  Not since it was banned from the household in my lifetime.”

Justice: “Can you stop showing off the new fridge already?!  I need to access the crappy cheap one that is locked away in the walls for the goblin Agony locked up, and I will not move from this spot until it is returned to us!”

Since Justice would not see reason (and from this point was more or less stuck in this spot) she was reset.
24Look everyone!  Toaster BREAD!! HAHAHAHAHAHGILAJGKDLAJGKDLJFAKLD5

Toaster: “If anyone puts that name on the birth certificate of my child I will hurl the entire hospital into the sun.”25Here’s our yellow ray of sunshine and future radiation.

Felicity: “Not if my good looks and genetics have anything to say about that!!”

Do I ever wish you the best of luck with that then.26Across town, Janelle (or Janine?  I can’t differentiate the sisters right now) has also given birth, and following the theme of J-names, this is Jenny.

Sabrina: “You let them in the house.  Why, in the fuck, would you let them in my house???”27Across town, Agony’s daughter aged up and I absolutely HAD to check her genetics to see if she inherited her mother’s face-job or not.

And she did, but she didn’t come out half bad!  Her lips were caved-in so I gave her some mercy and plumped them out a bit, because she shouldn’t have to suffer because her mother had a blotched plastic surgery job.  And we all know plastic surgery is inheritable.

Tenisha: “My only goal in life is to go back in time and model for the Mona Lisa.  I will be that bitch.”

You’re well on your way to that goal now.28Jarrett: “I don’t understand what everyone in town is saying about her… she’s beautiful to me.  The most beautiful woman I have ever personally laid eyes on.”

You would think that.

Agony: “Who let him in my house?  Tenisha, get in here!  Why, in the fuck, would you let him in my house???”29Returning to the house just in time for little Rage’s birthday.

Hysteria: “May the Dark Ones bless you with the gift of good looks, my child!  Because remember, you clone out and I will smash you and your brother in the face with a sledgehammer.”
30 The birthday party is in the basement because Hysteria hates crowds and doesn’t want to have a birthday party for the baby.  At least her “best friend” can be with them for little Rage’s big moment!

Alex: “Someone shut that screecher up!  I can hear him all the way down in my hole and that’s saying something!”31Hysteria: “You.  Stupid.  Get over here and cheer for my son’s birthday.”

Alex: “Er.  Sure.  But only if I get some cake from all this.”

Hysteria: “Yeah yeah.  But only because you don’t need to starve.  Consider yourself lucky you get hungry, whelp.”32Actually Hetal seemed to be the one that wanted to cake the baby this time, so Hysteria let her do the honors.

Alex: “Tbfh I’d rather have some chicken drums.  The wolven cravings that I feel require meat to fill me up, not confections.”

Hysteria: “Cry a fucking river and deal with it.”33Hetal: “There I did my duty, I’ll be in the kitchen, having full control over whatever I want to eat, unlike Alex over there.”

Dee Dee: “Happy birthday, little Rage!  Say, I haven’t been in this part of the house!  What’s, uh, going on behind the glass wall exactly??”

Hysteria: “Mind your damn business about it or you’ll end up on the other side of it finding out personally.”

Dee Dee: “Haha, what the funk”34Rage turned out to be a mix!  So he’s probably going to be heir.

Hysteria: “Wicked can still be in the running, but I assure you he’s going to be put in a literal blender first if he does.”

Rage: “Yaaay, no bwender for mee!”35Rage: “Oh Tuberculosis.  I’m so happy to have you in my life and time of need.  We will be best friends for all time!”

Tuberculosis: “Please allow me to be dead inside forever.”36Rick: “That was an excellent party you kinda threw, Mrs.  Fallen!  Say, mind if I had a piece of cake to celebrate as well?”

Hysteria: “Sure!  As long as you don’t mind stopping your work of cleaning my house and ending up locked in the basement with your predecessor, be my guest!”

Alex: “Snoozies”37Alex doesn’t like painting I think, but she does use the easel in her own entertaining manner.

Alex: “TAKE THIS AND WEEP MORTAL WOODEN FRAMEWORK” *Slaps bitchingly*

Cake: “What the hell did it ever do to you”38Alex: “Sigh.  I thought life as a prisoner was supposed to be more stress free and relaxing than it is.”

And I thought you were going to stop being a broken werewolf two days ago.

Alex: “Maybe I should focus on actually escaping after all.  Go out and live my life.  Actually order food at Church’s Chicken, ffs”39Justice and Dee Dee don’t do much during this time.  All they want to do lately is pork.

Justice: “With a wife as irresistible as mine, how can I help it!”

As long as it has nothing really to do with a mid-life crisis, this is better.  I guess.
40Alex hates art.  I caved and replaced it with some mind numbing television.

Alex: “Good.  I hate the Game of Thrones.  I can’t wait to watch the final season end.”41Alex: “Wait, does that mean the game has noticed me missing?  Have I finally been rescued!  Please Nraas Overwatch, I need saving down here!”

Well, you didn’t move while I was looking at you so the rescue mission has failed?

Alex: “UGH, Nraas Overwatch is useless!  Someone send the REAL Overwatch!!  Tracer, Hammond, SOMEONE, I NEED a rotisserie chicken over here!!”42Hetal: “Now, here’s the deal, little fella.  If you’re going to be the ruling Warlock of this family, you must learn how to depend on no one but yourself to survive.  This is your first test.  You must learn to live alone in the woods.  If you fail, then well, it won’t be anyone’s problem anymore now will it?”

Rage: “Mama?”

Hetal: “Ain’t no “mama” here for you, boy.  If you befriend a hive of feral animals to raise you, then alright, but remember if I see you so much as on our porch I’m flinging you into a crevasse.”

This is probably the most interacting she is ever going to have with either child.
43Hope: “Can someone help me?  I’m trying to take the long way around so I don’t have to go near Hetal’s naked butt, but I can’t force my physical form through a baby crib, now can I.”

Hetal: “Can we just get rid of the crib altogether?  We don’t need it!  Grace has the oven and I’ve released Rage into the woods!  Oh, and Wicked is in a dumpster I think.  So this crib is a waste of space.”

Dee Dee: “Angery”44Hetal: “I can’t believe you missed the school bus because you didn’t want to make eye contact with my ass!  I should place a curse on you for the rest of your days for this!!”

Hope: “Come on!  It doesn’t have to be like that!  This house is a maze of route failures between here and the stairs as it is!”45Hope: “That being said, you will let me off the hook, right?”

Hetal: “OFF THE HOOK?  I’M ABOUT TO TOSS YOU INTO THE HIGHEST TOWER THIS TOWN WILL PERMIT ME TO BUILD AND LOCK YOU THERE UNTIL SOME WHITE KNIGHT ASSHOLE STABS ME IN THE HEART WITH A HOLY SWORD AND RESCUES YOU wait no YOU WILL BE DOING CHORES FOR A WEEK that’s better”46Justice: “I returned to rescue you.  I won’t stab Hetal over this, but I will give her a stern talking to about disciplining my child.”

Hope: “No you won’t.  You’ll be too concerned about her starving and bake a souffle and forget about it.”

Hetal: “She’s right.  And I’m starving now.  Where’s Grace?”47Hope: “Anyway.  Off to school.  So can someone PLEASE someone shut the yard baby up?!”

Rage: “I CAN’T EAT ACORNS HELP ME SQUIRREL FRIENDS”

HAS NO ONE REALLY RESCUED RAGE YET48Hysteria: “Apparently not, but Alex has been.”

Shit, I knew it was only a matter of time before they got Alex.49*Force-poofs Alex back into her crate*

Alex: “Aw come on”

This time I used Nraas to make her a “roommate”.  I still have no control over her, but now she can actually use things easier, than she did as a “houseguest”.

Alex: “AW COME ON”

Shut up and enjoy your new gift of a radio.  That should make you happier, I suppose.
50Rage: “Can I tell you a secret, Tubie?”

Tuberculosis: “No.”

Rage: “I actually like my squirrel buddies.  They take care of me and fend off the stray dogs that’ll eat me if given the chance.”

I’m surprised he’s still ok out there.
51Alex: “Forget the baby!  It’s my birthday!  I even have half a cake left over to celebrate!  Hurray for me!!”

No one cares, even I cared so little I accidentally sized the photo down too much.  Oops.52Here’s your birthday present, Alex.  You get the easel back.

Alex: “What is this shit”53Hmm, yes Rick.  That totally looks like what you were hired for and nothing unnecessary at all.

Hysteria: “I’m planning the basement wall extensions as we speak :)”54Aww, he built us a dirt chair!  Aren’t we just the luckiest family in the world?55Here you go, Alex.  Another birthday present for you.

Alex: *Has finally learned how to use the bed covers*56Justice: “Come, Grace.  I really want to finish your skilling and your birthday is fast approaching.  I finally tore myself away from my wife long enough to ensure you know all you need to before turning into a child!”57Justice: “Oh wait.  It’s not your birthday but Wicked’s birthday first.  Oh well *Instantly stops skilling*”

Keep procrastinating and see where that gets you, Justice.58Hysteria: “I don’t care about the rest of your skills, but I do love you.  And I will love you forever.  Until you shit on the floor because you don’t know how to use the toilet, but right now, I love you forever.”

Hope: “The wall is in my way.”59Hysteria: “It’s a lovely day to have a cake, isn’t it?”

Justice: “THESE HAIL STONES ARE CRACKING MY SKULL OPEN”

Hysteria: “See?  Lovely.”60Once again, no party to make Hysteria’s life a little easier.

Justice: “Happy birthday little Wicked!”

Hysteria: “Yeah happy birthday, dude!”

Hetal: *Grumble grumble* “I’m getting dragged out of bed for this bullshittery”61Wicked is actually really cool looking, clone or not, but he got the virtuoso trait, which is eh.

Wicked: “I plan on writing and singing songs, and creating my own musical one day.  My first musical will be my autobiography and I will self title it after myself as well.”

I think someone already beat you to the punch with that title, kid.62Justice: “You finally have a playmate your age, Hope!  Aren’t you excited to hang out with him?”

Wicked: “Mama please look at me”

Hetal: “I’D RATHER DIE”

Hysteria: “This is going well.”63The end of the chapter, where the game tells me Nascar, of all people, got demoted to Top Gun, which honestly hardly sounds like a demotion.

Nascar: “They really shouldn’t fire me and then give me guns.  They gon’ n’ pissed off the wrong old robot!!”

Disaster waiting to happen.

Secret Secret Basement

Last chapter, Baal died.  Uhhh, birthdays.  Uuuhh, Hetal’s pregnant.  Thas all.1That doesn’t look like Grace to me, Justice.

Justice: “I’m working on it.”

No you’re not, you’re going to quit halfway through and forget what you’re doing.

Justice: “Nonsense, pick up Wicked first, then take care of my child.  Hopefully.”

I can’t make her do anything.2Justice: “I’m so happy my daughter sees me as her friend.  I’m so happy to be apart of her life, as much as I know I am to hers!”

Don’t you wish you shared that kind of love with your son, Hetal?

Hetal: “I have no son.”3Can you hear the absolute noise in this photo?

I’m fucking miserable.4In the garage, I built a basement to hold all the stupid things the girls want to spend money on.  A place to come, unwind, and not look at the nauseating wallpaper and paint for a little while, because I’m leaving it beige for that exact reason.5Hysteria: “I love him and would die for him.”

The only true love in her life I think.6In very unrelated news, she caught a new bug for the kitchen display.  It’s the silver melting turd next to the rock.

Red Butterfly: “Great.  Now we have to be extra beautiful to make up for our newfound friend’s grossness.”

Blue Butterfly: “I feel bad for him though.  He’s trying so hard to render and he’s stuck in a stupid broken container where his climbing stick isn’t even touching the wall.  He’s got a hard life.”
7Hysteria: “This is how the baby’s made, EE AY EE AY OH”

Hetal: “Do you not see I have a knife here”8Hysteria: “Oh you’re starving (what a surprise)?  Here, let me fix that with you with some good old remote control radiation.”

Hetal: “You devil bitch, I was looking forward to this stir fry all day and you got to ruin my appetite with that thing?  You’re disgusting.”

Hysteria: “IKR”9Hysteria: “You may disappoint Hetal, but I will never turn my back on you, unlike my mothers before me.  You never know what potential you carry within you.”

Hysteria is unnaturally caring so far in this chapter.

Hysteria: “Just so you know if you’re younger sibling is a clone as well I’m breaking both of your noses permanently with my fists.”

There’s the usual Hysteria.10Carmen: “Wow, someone has already busted the piñata here.”

Arwing: “NYAAA~~”

Carmen is Serenity’s son, by the way.  He’s evil.11Carmen: “Hey Aunt J.  Mom was right, your house is fucking ugly.  I’m going to torch it from the safety of the kitchen, alright?  Later.”

Justice: “What”12Grace’s birthday ended up taking second fiddle to Arwing getting a makeover.  I couldn’t stand that her elder outfit was so blah, so I worked on giving her a new look.

Arwing: “WITH MY MEGAMIND, I WILL FINALLY ANNIHILATE THE HUMAN RACE, AS I WAS BORN TO DO”13Ended up going the pretty, cutesy route instead.  And she is BEAUTIFUL!  Look!  She loves it!  She’s actually smiling!

Arwing: “:)”

For the record, the purple streaks going down her cheek spikes?  That’s eyeshadow.
14Oh and Grace.  She is actually REALLY adorable.

I love Hope, but I really want Grace to get the good trait if possible.15Anyway.  Cue the misery.

Hetal: “Haha, YES!  The boy is good for something after all.”16And of course.  What’s a good party without some end-game tragedy?

We didn’t pan over here just because you wasted a whole head of fucking lettuce on the floor, Wrath.

Wrath: “Did you hear about the guy that ran in front of a bus?  He got tired.”17Wrath: “Wait, no what’s happening??  I’M not tired!”18Death: “Whoever built this house is on that crystal.”

I deleted the room next to it soon after anyway, Death.  Shut up.
19Wrath: “MY BEE SISTERS!  As my final wish as your Queen, I demand to be avenged!  Vengeance upon those that caused my death!”

Death: “Wrath, the bees are dead.  They’ve been dead for years.  Those are flies.  And they do not care to avenge your death because you like, tripped on a head of lettuce you put on the floor.”

Happiness: “So does that mean no salad for dinner tonight?”20Happiness: “Why is this happening to me?  I was beginning to love her!  Granted, she never returned my feelings, but who will I pine for and wish to kiss now?”

No one?  You can mourn this death on your own, Happiness.

RIP Wrath.  Gen 3 heiress, she wasn’t officially evil but she did some mean ass shit.  Goodbye.21Justice: “I’m getting better!”

Soon, we will be done with this horrific table.  Just got to keep wishing for anything else, Justice.22Justice: “So then like I told Ramiel here, I said, “sir if it wasn’t for your terrible parallel parking, do you really think I would have found that dead hooker in your trunk?  You’re the only one to blame for your absolutely horrendous driving skills.””

Janet: “I could not care less.”

Justice: “But… you’re my work partner…”23Justice: “Whatever, don’t need your friendship to be successful at my job.  Later gator.”

It’s the dragon, he’s keeping her perfectly balanced on the broom so she doesn’t drag her face on the pavement if she falls off.  This I know from experience.24Hetal: “Oh no!  The fetus!  It’s moving!!”

I actually could care so less after the clone you gave us last time, Hetal.25Speaking of, he and his mommy are spending time downstairs.  It’s family time.

Hysteria: “Your choice of music is shit and if you don’t renounce Mozart and listen to my upcoming SoundCloud release I will disown you afterall.”

Wicked: *boogie dancing*26Hetal: “Whatever, I don’t need attention or a hospital,  I had this baby and hid the afterbirth in Dee Dee’s shoes.”

If I can help it, this is the last baby of the gen, Rage.  He is a virtuoso and he’s easily impressed.  His favorites involve spooky music, the color lilac, and whatever porcini risotto is.

Rage: “It’s-a Italiano, you-a Americano, learn-a some-a culture, aaaayyy Tony”

What do you know about culture, you’re 1.3 seconds old.27Hysteria: “Taught the baby to say methylprednisolone.  Now he knows all the pharmaceutical terms he can’t fail first grade.”

Or at least a pro at the potions table.28Speaking of.

Justice: “Um.  Did you get in our potions table again?”

Hetal: “Bitch, no.  I was trying to trick Hope into crawling into the oven, but she tricked me!  Sneaky little skank.  She crawled in a circle and tripped me up and I fell in the oven!  I’m impressed but pissed off.”29So she took it out on Grace.

Grace: “Sob!  I was saving that in my diaper for later!  Mom, do something about it!”30Justice: “Can’t deal with this added stress right now, sweetie.  Mommy’s having a mid-life crisis and needs help of her own.  Sob.  I’m flabby.”

Grace: “Wow ok you are NOT assisting in this situation at all, mom.”31I have not ridded the children of their IF’s this gen, and since they keep them calm and entertained, I decided to let them have them.  I also have clearly abandoned whatever naming theme I got going for them and just gave them random shit at the time, thinking they wouldn’t be around forever.  But I accepted them as they are now.

Hope has The French Revolution as her IF.32Grace is stuck with good old Swedish Meatball.34Wicked’s IF is A Very Angry Cat.

Wicked: *Begins astral-projecting himself into another existence*35Justice: “Alright!  So the few people I invited to come to this birthday couldn’t make it, so let’s go ahead and welcome Hope into her next stage of life, shall we!”36Oh ok.  So no one cares.  That’s cool too.37And that’s one out of the toddler stage.  Because her birthday party was CLEARLY a full success I guess, Hope is now a party animal.38Hope: “Happy birthday to me!  Time to party!”

Angela: “Ok!  I’ll be the C in the YMCA!  You got to do the other ones though.”39Hetal: “Sigh, there they go.  Being all motherly and fond of each other, or whatever that is.  I wish I could partake in that kind of joy.”

Justice: “You only have two kids you can hang out with, Hetal.”
40Hetal: “Also, the fuck y’all do to this innocent room.”

Hope got her nursery decked out in her flavor.  I actually hate that pattern of rug, but with those colors, I think it looks good.41Justice: “Come my sweet baby!  You must learn to walk, or else you will risk being evil, and even so, you can’t be evil while laying on the floor your whole life!”42Kinda got to give Hetal some credit.  She’s trying her damnedest to be these kids’ friend.

Hetal: “And that’s why you need an umbrella, so Hell doesn’t rain down upon you and smash your skull in.”

Hope: “I think you mean hail.”

Hetal: “No I didn’t.”44Hetal: “Here you go!  Have snack!  I hid this from Hysteria so you could have some healthy probiotics in your lunch!”

Grace: “Holy shnizbits you’re actually the greatest!!”43Justice: “I love being friends with my children!  It makes my life go by so smoothly and adds years to my life!”

Hetal: “I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR CHILDREN AND HAVE YEARS ADDED AND SHIT TOO”45Justice: “Alright, break time is over!  Let’s get back to training you to walk, sweetie!”

Hetal: “It’s not fair!  I want to train her to walk and talk and whatever!  I want to be a mother too!  IT’S NOT FAIR!”46MEANWHILE.  He’s dying.

Hetal: “I DON’T FUCKING CARE”47And then you have

This bitch 

Wrath: “She wasted all that time and energy she chould be using doing the dishes and what she does is send MY personal pink bunny baby into that box with baby vomit and boogers, so I ASSURE you she will meet a horrific end.”

Alex: “My paycheck is going to my child support :)”48Hetal: “Damn girl you are looking like a snack today”

Hope: “That’s it, I AM calling the police on that one.”
49Hetal: “No you dumb shit, you are literally looking like something I would consume.  Bake you up in some nacho cheese and harvest your youth as a queso dip.”

Hope: “Well so much for your friendship.”50Hetal: “That’s right!  The act of motherhood and friendship is a ploy!  Just to get close enough to bore you to sleep and smash you up like an avocado!  Quick!  Get me the meat tenderizer!”51Her mother rescued her and took her to school.

Hetal: “Sob… that’s… that’s just not fair… my queso…”52Hetal: “Uh, quick question.  Who’s the man and why is he in our all female haven?”

Hysteria: “Did you leave the bathroom window unlocked again?”

Rick: “Why, it’s just me, Rick Lee, your new maid and replacement for Alex, whom retired at the ripe age of 32 on the money you paid her.  Told me it was a very easy job.  I’m just taking over!”53Rick: “What-a was wrong-a with mah face-a”

Better.  However, Alex up and abandoning us?  That does not bode well with the family.  Especially with her shitty half ass job.
54Hysteria called her over for a “hang out” and she instantly appeared on the sidewalk.  Like she was anticipating it or something.

Alex: “I knew they were going to hate Rick.  I knew they were going to beg for me back.  So I hid in the truck of the maid car waiting for them to call me, and honestly, I didn’t think they would do so so quickly.”

Rick: “I’m over here actually doing the job, la dee da, this is actually fun!”55Alex: “Look I couldn’t do the job any longer!  Too much work, too much stress, and while the pay and free food was great, I can’t keep having to get my nails redone every time I scruff them against literally anything.”

Hetal: “Yeah well, good luck explaining that to my wife.  She’s pissed.”

Alex: “Oh don’t worry about her, I got exactly the thing that bitch needs from me to get over herself…”56Alex: “Pretty flowers for a pretty lady!!”

Hysteria: “Awww, Alex!  I didn’t know you felt that way!  You shouldn’t have!”57Hysteria: “Really.  You shouldn’t have.”

Alex: “Aw, just forgive me for abandoning the job and remember I’m literally your only friend in this town outside your wife and that booger you call a kid.”

Hysteria: “This is true.  And for that, I feel, in due of our friendship, I should show you a secret surprise reserved for only the most trusted people in my circle.”58Alex: “Oh wow!  A secret gaming basement?!  I didn’t know you ever had this!”

Hysteria: “You would know that if you actually bothered to do the fucking laundry like I hired you for, since the staircase is right next to the dryer, but alas, that’s in our past now.”59Hysteria: “And even more secret than a gaming basement, here’s the door to our Secret-SECRET basement room!  With even a cooler surprise inside!”

Alex: “Aw right!  Well what are we waiting for, the suspense is killing me!”60Alex: “Huh.  That’s all there is?  Some furniture and an art easel?  Can’t say I’m completely won over with this set up.”

Hysteria: “Oh, don’t worry, you really have no choice.”61Alex: “Wait, what do you mean by that? Agony?  Where did you go?  Where did the door go?  Hello?  Are you still there??”62Hysteria: “And just like that.  That’s what happens when you put MY personal pink rabbit plushie away in the stinky baby toybox, my “Dearest Friend”.”

And chapter ends for now.  What will happen to Alex?  How long will she stay in the basement?  Will she suffer her fate forever?  Or will Twallan’s Overwatch be an asshole and rescue her as a “stuck sim” like I’m anticipating (spoiler alert, it do.  But what will become of Alex afterwards anyway, HMMMMM?)

Find out whenever.

Spring Kisses

1Justice: “I did it!  Everyone come quick!  I’m successful!  I love making potions!  I want to make more!! MORE I SAY!!”2Justice: I DEMAND MORRRREEEE”

Dee Dee: “I’m off to tell Hope that her crazy mother is lost to the sauce.  Bye.”

Last chapter Wicked and Grace were born.  Hope keeps getting stuck on the staircase.  That’s more or less it.3Oh, and Hetal doesn’t like her child I think.

Hetal: “Little bastard won’t stop crying.  My spawn do not cry.  Crying is for babies.”

He IS a baby.4Hetal: “Suffer, and know the world is full of hate and evil!”

Wicked: “I’M HUNGY ;-;”
5Dee Dee: “I’m sick and tired of your bull, Hetal.  If you don’t take care of this kid I’m calling the law.”6Justice: “I am the law, what’s going on here?”

Hetal: “I am disgusted with your constant need to baby the child.  He needs to learn to grow up hard and uncaring.”

Dee Dee: “He’s 9 hours old!”
7Justice: “Always know that I will love you forever and unlike Hetal and Wicked I will never leave you to suffer.”

Good.  Don’t smash her crib while doing so, could you.8Peace: “Sounds like my daughter is having a hard time up there with all those crying babies.  Maybe I should stop watching the Young and the Restless for all of 3 seconds and go help her.”

You’ve raised enough children in your life, Peace.  Please stay downstairs and don’t get in the way with your ghostiness.
9Hetal: “This child I like.  This child I will care for and fatten for future endevour-I mean endeavors. ”

Meanwhile Wicked sobs himself to sleep.10Anyway.  On to spare making.  Hopefully the next one Hetal will actually give a shit about.11Fortuneteller: “Please do NOT do that with my crystal ball!!”12Hetal: “Ah yes, such a beautiful crisp and cool morning for public shagging and life ruining.”

At least put your clothes back on.13I built the last broomstick riding lot thing because I didn’t think the town actually had a lot specifically for that (despite it coming with the town and EP, of course) so you know, go figure I figure out that there was one pre-built just two blocks away from the house.

Hysteria: “How?  It’s LITERALLY where I met Hetal, you dumb blind hoe.”

Oops.14Alex: “Please, I’m so scared of being murdered, I have bills to pay and a mouth to feed!  It’s my own mouth, but you wouldn’t kill me and/or let me starve, would you?”

Honestly the only reason she’s not fired or killed is because Hysteria wants to be friends with her.  And sometimes she does her job.  Not often, but sometimes.14I’m just going to stop checking up on these two.

Happiness: “How could she decide that she doesn’t want to kiss me?  Look at me!  I’m a young hot stud that just so happens to be the same age as her old deceased mother but still!  I’m so disappointed.”

Wrath: “Get used to it.”15Baal: “Pennie died?  Pennie was old?!”

Honestly I didn’t even know she was an elder, the way she carried on she seemed so young.  But RIP Pennie.  You were cute in the 5 minutes we saw you around.16Baal: “I loved her like my own daughter.  I cannot live anymore knowing that I outlived my own child.  Fine, Death come pick me up.  I can’t do this any longer.”17Death: “Ok!”

Justice: “WHHHYYYY”

And just like that, 10 seconds after Pennie passed away, Baal finally also decided to call it quits.  18Baal: “WHOA!  Watch the boney fingers, death boy.  Those are fucking cold!”

Death: “Sorry.  I was eating ice cream before I came here.  They don’t give you utensils in the afterlife so everything’s got to be treated like finger food.  Can you believe that shit?  Just try eating soup, it’s not possible, and I love soup!”
19Baal: “AAAAHH”

Justice: “SOB”

Hetal: “Why this camera angle”20RIP Baal.  You survived death once but couldn’t escape Death forever.  You will be joining other beloved pets from the past, and many legacy sims that I’m sure will enjoy your future random thoughts.21Hysteria: “NO NOT THE DOG, I JUST WASTED MONEY ON FEEDING HIM”22Hysteria: “Ok, moving on.”

I may let Justice grieve because she and Baal loved each other but Hysteria honestly probably interacted with Baal only a handful of times to bathe him I think.
23Hetal: “Are any parts of a baby poisonous?”

Dee Dee: “If you don’t FUNK off with the idea that you’re going to eat my children I will ensure your life is met with hellfire and brimstone.”

Hetal: “Sounds like a good time to me actually.”24At least they can agree on one thing.

Hetal and Dee Dee: “SOB THE DOG WE DIDN’T REALLY INTERACT WITH” *Clonks heads together*25Justice had a birthday on the sidewalk were no one could see her.

Justice: “I’m still a beautiful and YOUNG bride, I’ll hold on to my youth FOREVER” *Mid life crisis*26Justice: “And Agony was right!  Broom riding is so much fun!  I love spending all night honing my skills to make $3 in tips for this!”

Curse this weird invisible broomstick bullcrap.27Justice: *Cannonballs through the air with the greatest of ease*

At least she’s getting a break from the potion table.28Hysteria: “Speaking of potion tables, I’m still 1000% better than her at it.”

AAYY, and you’ll be making a dozen of those just in case.29Justice: “And then I said, ‘No you silly billy, hee hee!  You’re going to jail for the dismemberment and manslaughter, not the bad parking!’  And then I tasered him and arrested him.”

Ramiel: “Amazing.  Doesn’t explain how he broke out of prison 2 hours later, but nice to know that was how he got there in the first place.”30The spring festival is in town, and the girls abandoned the wives at the house to take care of the babies (or in Hetal’s case, no).31Wilma: “Want a kiss, hun?  It’s affair-free and only costs enough to keep me from getting medical insurance through the company!”

Justice: “Sounds like a deal!”32Justice: “What happens in Sim Vegas stays in Sim Vegas.”

Wilma: “Smoochies~”33Wilma: “Congratulations!  You win the prize for Best Lips I’ve ever Kissed!”

Justice: “What an honor!”34Hysteria: “You think that’s good, wait til you get a load of me!  I promise my lipgloss is only as toxic as Poison Ivy wishes she was.”

Wilma: “Urhm…”35Hysteria: “Then again, it’s best if I just got a cheek kiss.  Any hard pressure on these lips is usually enough to bust them and I’m not against punching you in the face for popping these suckers open again.”

Wilma: “I’m quitting my job after this day.”36Hysteria: “Honestly I just want to see just exactly how compatible we are with each other.  We’re clearly cousins so hopefully the machine will point that out and we can stop thinking each other is hot whenever we’re in the room together.”

Justice: “That and the only love I have in my life is for my darling caring wife, Dee Dee.  She’s so hot that I could just woohoo with her the second I get home, like always!”

Hysteria: “Just grab the golden metal penis and lets get this over with.”

Justice: “What’s a penis?”37Hysteria: “This machine is clearly broken and will be taken to with a sledgehammer in a little bit.”

Justice: “Clearly.  I will now proceed to pretend this moment never happened and will go egg hunting.”
38Justice: *Egg hunts*

I’m more intrigued by the play set in the background.39Not sure I’ve seen it in the shop mode before!  (If it’s there I really am blind.)

Wrath would have LOVED this as a child.

Wrath: “WHAT KIND OF BEE MAKES MILK INSTEAD OF HONEY??? BOOBIES!!”40Out of anything I wish they fixed in this dumb fixture that never gets anyone working at them.  The proprietors basically live at the park and the kissing booth is always full but the ticket booths never have anyone running them.

My girls want to spend tickets, and it can never happen because some assholes just don’t want to come to work.41Justice: “I come back and you’re about to pass out!  Can’t have that!  We have a bed you know!”

Dee Dee: “How about you stay home next time and take care of three babies while I go out and kiss on girls in the park!”

Justice: “Hey, it was for charity and her health insurance!  Which she will need for kissing Agony anyway.”

Which Dee Dee is now going to need because she’s going to PASS OUT ANYWAY42Justice: “Big dang it :(”

Sigh.
43Hysteria: “Hey baby?  You gonna take care of this baby you got coming up or you just going to keep being bad at mothering until I get tired of you mistreating my spawn and kick you out?”

Hetal: “Wait, how did you even know I was pregnant?”

Hysteria: “Why else would you go around wearing a coat you got from the clearance section at Walmart?”

Justice: “Everyone!!  I got good news!”44Justice: “I’m getting better at my potion making!!  It’s not the potion I WANT to make, but I’m getting there!”

That really is some good news.

Justice: “Now I’m going to try again and hopefully the next one will be the one I want!”45Justice: “GAAAHJIALFJIDK;LAF”

This isn’t what Jesus died for, Justice.46Justice: “I may struggle with potions, but I’m kickbutt at cooking.  Call the family.  I’m making coleslaw.”

At least put on an apron first.47Wicked: “ITS MY BARFDAY”

Dee Dee: “You’re a baby, every day is barf day for you.”

A repeat of Hope, I forgot his birthday as well.48Wicked: *El Hetal CLONE*

I’m fucking serious, I’m seriously considering from now on any and all clones will be fixed in CAS by me because over half of Evalin’s legacy has consisted of clones at this point.  It’s not making this any fun and it’s wasting my time and house space.

Wicked: “Yeah but my random white eyebrows are cool right?  They’re caused by all the stress my mother gave me when I was a baby.”
49Dee Dee: “I just remembered!  It’s my birthday as well!  Happy birthday to me as well?”

Wicked: “DON’T TAKE MY SPOTLIGHT AWAY FROM ME, YOU WITCH!  I WAS ENJOYING MY ATTENTION FOR ONCE”50Hysteria: *Steals the spotlight away from them once more*  “Oh, it’s my birthday too?  The fuck?”

Justice: “Enjoy old age with me, Agony!  Mid life crisises are fun!”

Hysteria: “No my life is great.” *Opts to not have a MLC for once thank god*51Justice: “Every time I come close to death I feel the need to tell my children just how much I love them and care of them, just in case one day I cannot.”

Dee Dee: “That’s a bonus for me, because for once I don’t have to cater to her needs 24/7!”

I’d say that’s kind of mean, but at this point Dee Dee is the sole baby carer.52Hope: “I NEED SLEEPIES!!”

Dee Dee: “YOU ALWAYS NEED SOMETHING, STOP BOO HOOING FOR ONCE”

Justice: “I love you because you’re so cute and quiet and not upset all the time, Grace :)”53Hetal: “I’d rather not be here.  I can’t stand the sight of you, you little hell bringer.”

Wicked: “The feeling is mutual, you old bat.”54And we end this chapter with Tyrone getting it in with his wife and now, a future gen 3 mutant baby is in the works over there!