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The Television Thief

1Back to our modern play sessions that took place this month, the family just got off the heels of Alex’s death, whom after 8 months, they do not remember off the bat apparently.

Hetal: “Oh boo hoo, whatever corpse we have in our garage basement is stinking it up so bad!  I just can’t stand it!  Damn raccoons probably rotting in the walls or something.  Damn you death, damn it!”2Hope: “Mom, I just heard the news!  They said someone died here!  I hope it wasn’t anyone in this family…”

Justice: “Don’t worry darling, I’ll figure it out and make a report on it once I wedge myself out of this couch.”3Hetal:”Oh man, I know I like my meat thoroughly cooked but you didn’t have to burn yourself that badly.”

Hope: “You know, this joke you got going on that you’re going to eat me and Grace is getting old.  I’m in high school now, Aunt Hetal.”

Hetal: “Wait, this whole time you thought I was joking?  No wonder no one took me seriously…”4Dee Dee: “I really think you should leave the cooking to the professional.”

Hysteria: “Die already.  I AM the professional.  Only I can maintain this kind of connection with the Egg, this kind of sync, this ultimate form”

Dee Dee: “I don’t want food poisoning though”5Hetal: “This is why I don’t risk it, especially when we have months worth of cake in stock.  You people are fools for risking it.”

Hysteria: “Keep it up and you’ll be sleeping on the couch forever.  In the basement.  Where Alex died.”

Hope: “I really don’t think this stuff is any danger.  It’s so crisp, and the flavor just melts in my mouth.”6Hope: “Wait a minute, THAT’S who died recently?!  I wish someone told me!  I wouldn’t have spent so much time blindly grieving and would have liked to go to her funeral…”

Hetal: “Oh you didn’t miss much.  The funeral consisted of her body being dumped over the fence onto the neighboring property.  Whoever lives there that’s their problem now.”7Oof, well, I suppose the food wasn’t exactly safe after all.  Hetal tried to warn us.

Grace: “HRAUIGHDSAKJ”8Dee Dee: “And that’s when I said, ‘360!  Maize it’!”

Rage: “The hell are you doing, woman?”

Dee Dee: “I’m teaching Ramiel the dangers of pot and soon he will be an advocate for all drug prevention campaigns.”

Rage: “Dee Dee… The dragon can’t talk.”

Dee Dee: “He can when you eat those brownies your Aunt Agony keeps in the back of the fridge.  Hee hee…. he says all KINDS of wack shitake…”9Grace: “Ok mom, question 14.  The world anticipated the end of the world with Y2K.  Name three reasons why it SHOULD have ended and explain why.  So far I have bacon soap, Kim Kardashian’s wedding dress, and about 30 to 50 feral hogs. What do you think?”

Justice: “But I liked that lace… Oh, honestly, I couldn’t give you a good reason, this kind of thing was Baal’s expertise.  Although he’d make you write an essay on this stuff and you’re going to be spending the next 2 hours looking for your bed and we don’t got time for that.”10While that was going on, I heard some burglar music on the lot, and looked over at the road, where the mechanic was standing there finally where we called him hours earlier to fix the radio.

Greg: “Who’s truck is that”

Considering he didn’t do a damn thing for that radio, I assumed the game finally realized that these bastards are the real crooks and were calling them out on this BULLSHIT11Devon: “Nope homie G, it’s ME, your friendly neighborhood asshole!”

Well HELL ON YOUR LIVESTOCK12Betel: “Don’t worry Master Happiness!  I will protect you and stand valiant between you and the crook that threatens your life”

Devon: “I’m a thief, not a murderer, 😦 I’m only here to steal things I’m harmless as a baby lamb in spring”13I actually think Betel is just still concerned with that stupid fucking PLATE

Betel: “It mocks me so cruelly, please grant me mercy and end this suffering”14MEANWHILE, while Betel is petitioning an act from congress to remove the offending dish, this a-hole is making off with the flatscreens!

Devon: “Proper disassembly ensures it fits in my steal sack and is safe from damage when I run from the coppas'”15Devon: “Also I’m just gonna stop being super sneaky and all that, this guy has Kenny G blasting on his overhead speakers throughout this house and no one can probably even hear me considering they’re breaking physics, and my eardrums”


Justice: “Nonsense!  I saw what you did to that tv!  Stop what you’re doing there, thief!”17Justice: “Unfortunately… I can’t detain him, I’m out of uniform and I’m not authorized to make an arrest off clock…”


Devon: “Haha, yessss, well pardon me while I take this extra bit of time to swipe some more flat screens.  Later!”18Hysteria: “Justice, I SWEAR TO SATAN if you don’t SHOOT THIS BITCH before he touches my rightful inheritance, I will poison your wife and kids”19Justice: “I don’t have anything on me to stop him, but my associate should be on route near here, so-Janet?  JANET!!  JANET BRING THE BEAR MACE!!  JANET WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WENT ON VACATION THIS WEEK, THEY’RE STEALING MY SAMSUNGS”

Hysteria: “Let me use my FISTS, I will end this once and for ALL”

And then the game, despite Hysteria being Brave, would NOT let me let her loose on the bastard, which, what GIVES?  I thought brave sims could clock the burgarlers, LET HER BRAWL EA, GOD

Bonehilda: “Are ya winnin’ son”20Betel: “Oh he’s done.  Packed up and he’s out of here.  Should I at least snap a pic of the license plate?  All I got is a flip phone but it still takes clear enough images.”

Justice: “FFFFFFruit rollups.”21Betel: “Well, hopefully he will use his new financial gains to buy a car that doesn’t look like it smells like 30 year old cigarette burns and engine dust.”


Cop: *Rolls up 5 minutes late with Starbucks*22Hysteria: “You are THE worst cop I have ever seen in my life, what kind of work do you even do, if not serve and protect!”

Justice: “Come on, Agony, I do plenty of protecting… I mean, after all this community has a lot of rampant teenager crimes after 11pm, I got my work cut out for me at the precinct…”23Hysteria: “YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!!  YOU ARE DEAD TO ME, JUSTICE FALLEN!!”

Justice: “I’m not dead, Alex is dead don’t you remember”

Break it up ladies, everyone is tired and cranky and you both need to go home.24mEaNwHiLe, Happiness didn’t notice anything going down in his house.  Didn’t even stir in his sleep.

Happiness: “Mmffphnzzmm, Tobey McGuire what are you still doing loitering around here you were so last chapter ago…”25Grace: “Oh Swedish Meatball.  I will neglect my duties of the world to stay in your loving embrace…”

Like hell you guys are.  Y’all were behaved and kept IF play to a reasonable amount before, but now you’re neglecting your needs for this shit?  Yoink.26Rage: “No please wait, I’m not even playing with Tuberculosis, I’m playing with other toys and mixing it up!  Isn’t that right Crocolisa, tell her to not take Tuberculosis away from me…”

No sale, kid.  Grace is two seconds away from pissing and passing herself out because of these assholes.  Can’t risk it, so give.
27Tuberculosis and Swedish Meatball were sent to live on a farm according to the children.  And by farm I mean I threw them into the woods on a lot on the far side of town.


Meatball: “I’m actually very sad.”

Oh well.  RIP.28Because Frenchie and Angry Cat belong to teenagers, they are already walking around and being ignored by their significant others anyway, so they were spared the fate of death by wilderness.


Frenchie: “Excuse me”30Looking around the other house, this lovely mixed doberman strolled by going who knows where, probably to escape bathtime after dipping his entire leg in The Pinkest Pink by Stuart Semple.

Cairo: “I AM affiliated with Anish Kapoor.”

Gasp, BAD DOG31The girls came over to clean up these horrible leaves that I’m three steps away from modding out of this game (the aesthetics wear off after a few in game years of this stuff), because they both want to throw a Feast Party for fall.

The fact that Betel is helping does my heart good.

Hysteria: “About time she actually even fucking did anything…

Justice: “Aw, give her some credit…”32Justice: “Welcome to the party, Sabrina!  Please, feel free to go ahead and grab a plate, and don’t mind my smell, I spent all morning cleaning the yard for everyone and there’s just not enough hours in the day to find to take a bath.”

Sabrina: “Nah, pardon me if that just doesn’t give me an appetite.”33Serenity: “Carmen, what is this?”

Carmen: “Um.  Chili con carne, mother.”

Serenity: “And what is it made of??”

Carmen: “….CARNAGE.”

Serenity: “Sigh.  I’m with Sabrina too.  I’ve suddenly lost my appetite as well.”34I invited Justice’s work partner as well because building a relationship with her has proven to be more difficult than I even expected.  Of course she left instantly, but being a vampire I actually can’t blame her.

A hell cat crashed the party too.35Pepper: “But with these new eyes, I’m 40% more moé than ever before.  You can look into my one intact eye and totally trust me, dude.”

Janet: “This is actually the real reason I’m leaving this party.”36Agony: “HYSTERIA.  My lifelong nemesis.  Dare you even still show face in Happiness’ family kitchen.  Today is the day I tear your lips off and give you a good swirlie in a toilet!”

Hysteria: “Oh no.  Serenity, look a gremlin.  What horrible things does it say about me!  Why did anyone let that thing crash our lovely dinner party…”

Serenity: “Probably another one of the sorry creatures my sister felt bad for and let in the house.  Never fear!  I will knock out what’s left of her teeth for you!”37Happiness to the rescue, however.  He found a guitar that’s been in Peace’s studio since the beginning of the town’s existence and soothed the savage beasts that were about to brawl in the kitchen with his lulling vampire vocals.

Happiness: “~A B C D E F G ~ I love you and you love me~”

Serenity: “I still think it’s odd that that thing keeps showing up at family get togethers…”38Hysteria: “Dammit Happiness, with all of us drawn into your magic music, now no one will get to try my new recipe of almond cookies…”

Tenisha: “Aunt Justice already threw away those cyanide death traps, so your “recipe” never even stood a chance.”

Hysteria: “Awwww…”39Boring party over, Phillip had his birthday and he’s still very much his dad.

Phillip: “But I am hairy like monkey man”40You might need those dentures, Phillip.  Just saying.

Phillip: “Why need teeth, we’ve evolved to slurp the ants out of their mounds with our sticky and barbed tongues.  Just take them and sell them on eBay, it’s fine!”41Wicked: “EXCUSE ME?  Can’t you see I’m very busy back here clearly NOT pissing myself and giving myself stinky butt?  How did you even find me, I picked under the basement stairs specifically for the reason of not getting found clearly not peeing all over the floor!”

Dee Dee: “Um.  If you say so.”42Dee Dee: “I followed you to wish you a happy birthday, Wicked!  TOOT TOOT!  ALSO your birthday present is going to be soap and Charmin.”

Wicked: “Oh WOW!  It’s my birthday already?!  And NO ONE NOTICED?  Golly gee, I’m so loved to be told this NOT in advance…”

Actually had no idea, but I wasn’t paying attention either.  I’m bad about this lately.43Despite being a clone of his Hetal mother, Wicked does look pretty bitchin’.

He grew up a diva, so he knows he is pretty bitchin’.

Wicked: “Damn straight.”44The end of the chapter brings updates about the townsfolk of the neighboring houses.  Jenny is growing up… I think…

She is currently a grown woman’s face on a toddler’s body.  45Dianna is an interesting mix, with all of her mother’s facial features with all of her dad’s fun-ness.  Toaster is so thrilled with this fact that she is currently living with neither of her parents for SOME REASON.  Like her mom is gone from this household now.

Dianna: “I was adopted out as an exotic pet.  Mom and dad sold me for about $40,000 and currently are living it up in Bora Bora.  It’s ok.  They’ll be back when the money runs out.  Living with my owners isn’t all that bad.  They always remember to fill the food bowl before midnight.”46Rodrigo’s child is also shaping up to be potentially HANDSOME.  Thank you Frida.

Frida: “You’re welcome.  Giving birth to a half dead baby ogre gives you the advantages of genetics.”

That’s… not scientifically founded…47Another child, not of the Florida men or Arwing mini legacies, is this little middle aged man, cursed forever to live as a seven year old child, with a 47 year old hair cut.48Are you OK, JUSTON?  Who do you need me to call, the AARP or DSS?49Juston: “Oh you’re talking about this? Yeah… mom says that ghosts keep stealing my hair while I sleep.  I try to stay up at night to catch them but they catch me off guard every time… look, LOOK!  THERE THEY GO AGAIN!  I’m not even safe from the ghosts in my own thoughts!!”

Thought-Bubble Ghost: *Whisks away with the last tufts of Juston’s poor hair*50Back to the corner with Tyrone, he’s knocked up another girl, like I know this town has supernatural beings but the amount of monster fuckers in this town is phenomenal.

Tyrone: *T-rex roar from Jurassic Park*

Linda: “UNF, daddy material”51And lastly, due to all this fuckery with the town breeding with fallout mutants, Rodrigo took the opportunity to become a gene therapist, of all things.

Rodrigo: “Trust me, in the next few years, this line of work is going to make me FILTHY rich.  At this rate, we may NEVER leave Bora Bora!”

Dianna: *Cries in her hamster wheel*

All Hallows Flames

1Wrath: “UGH!  Dainty flowers?!  In MY house?! Did that statue decorate while I was in stasis, because I’m unnerved!”

No dumbass, you’re in the wrong house.  Stop mooching in Peace’s apartment for once.

Last chapter, Justice had to rescue her grandfather from his cross country marathon on a treadmill at the gym, and then she and Hysteria went on dates with their chosen significant others.  Hysteria went the cheap route and Justice got the flu.  2Justice: “And now I know why I’m constantly stuck with the plague!  Baal!  Get out of my bed!  You’re infested!”3Baal: “Have you ever noticed that the Ultra Fast Forward option for speeding up time in this game has NEVER worked?  Like isn’t it supposed to zip us through whatever thing we are doing?  It doesn’t go any faster than the three speed option!  And no one ever updated or patched that as far as I can tell.  Why even add or keep the option if it’s never going to be useable or fixed?”

Justice: “Look Baal, I love you, and adore you, but I’ll put up with your monologuing just as much as Agony does.  Please leave my room and don’t come back until you Febreze yourself at least.”
4Justice: “Oh who am I kidding.  If I don’t do it no one will.  No better way to bathe a dirty doggie than in my future wedding dress in a recently painted bathroom.”

This color scheme is like a Barbie nightmare.  The color scheme sounded fun on paper but the farther I went with it the more I regret this.5Happiness: “Annnnnd the final touch, grey cabinet doors to really make these patterns pop.”6Happiness: “And bam, the kitchen is finished.”

I hate these colors, but for some reason I like the kitchen the best.  This house is hell.  I regret sticking to their favorite colors as a decorating scheme when I decorate on a 3rd grade level.7Hysteria: “WHOEVER DICKED WITH MY KITCHEN LIKE THIS DESERVES A STEAK THROUGH THEIR HEART”

Happiness: “:C”

8And so she did as she wanted.

Hysteria: “I couldn’t walk on them while they were blazing hot so I guess I’m not as mad as I thought.”9Happiness: “I’m glad you cooled down a bit and decided to make dinner.  What we having tonight?  Baked beans please?”

Hysteria: “Back the fuck off because I really am about to steak you with this mixing spoon.”10Hysteria: “I’m off to town for some stupid unrelated wants and I stole Justice’s new bike but did she really have to paint it like a pastel fairy’s pile of vomit?”

Justice: “You didn’t steal it, its our share bike C:”

Hysteria: “I want to buy my own when I’m done collecting bugs.”


Hysteria: “Aww, this cute bird actually has melted my steely cold dead heart, I actually feel a little love in the world and I swear to fuck Agony if you actually punt this fucking bird I really will tear the remains of your head off and stick it on a pike.”

Agony: *Last second diversion and runs on by*12Hysteria: “Awww, it trusts me :)” *Crushes butterfly with palms*

Flying Butterfly: “BRADRICK!! NOOOO!”

Neck Kissing Butterfly: “Fuck this shit I’m out” *Nyooms off*13Hetal’s mother Jin is also here!  And she’s insane.  Because it seems this game likes to keep insane people together with the evil ones.  Seems morbid to me because I think of Evalin and her sister, but then I also have Wrath so coincidence probably.

Jin: “The fuck is that over your head.  How do you not get not completely soaked under that thing?  Getting pneumonia is the best part of this weather!”14Hysteria: “I’m giving you a heads up.  Your daughter may only be this high right now, but once she reaches the birthing age I’m locking her in a cellar to raise my spawn creations for me, understood?”

Jin: “Oh thank god.  You’re doing me a service.  I was afraid Hetal was going to be stuck a crazy cat woman but you’re doing me good :)”15I tried to make her be friends with yours truly since my house was nearby?  But I wasn’t home.  I’m never home.

I also had added my irl friends in the game in a house nearby and I already see they’re going rogue and dicked up their appearances without my PERMISSION.  No wonder I’m never home.

James: “I’ll be your friend if you want to.”

Hysteria: “On second thought I don’t want to be any of you guys’ friends.”16Checking in on Peace and Wrath.  They’re still placid.

Peace: “I just had a genius idea.  More lightbulbs.  I want my countertops to be seen glistening from SPACE”17Ariel: “HEY, Justice!  You’re girl is here.  You best go primp up a bit or at the very least get a burn kit”


Dee Dee: “Hmmm.”

18Dee Dee: “Nope bye”

Justice: “NO WAIT, please come back!  I’ll hop in the shower and bandage myself up just give me some time please!”

I don’t think Justice is ever going to complete those potion table wishes any time soon.
19Justice: “I’m so sorry about that earlier, but now I’m squeaky clean, bought you roses and followed you all the way home at 3 in the morning!  I promise I’m doing my best to better my skills and knowledge and not a weirdo at all.”

Dee Dee: “GASP!  That really is devotion!  I was having some slight doubts about this, but I’m so sorry I didn’t think that through at all!”21Justice: “Soooo, with that, do you think there’s any chance you would like to be… you know…”

Dee Dee: “Your girlfriend?  You needn’t ask.  You know I will.”22I have a feeling these are going to make a lovely couple.23Ding dong, daily check in with these guys.

Raccoon: “I ate the house.  Before Wrath died she asked me to break her ankles at a certain angle so the coroner could see just how vogue her shoes are.”24Hysteria: “I just love waking up to actual wants to DO FUCKING LAUNDRY.  When am I going to get to want to KILL SOMEBODY?!”

Justice: “Honestly I wish I knew exactly how you got this table to work.  I didn’t realize how long I’ve been cruising on these potion wishes and all my sweet date wishes for Dee Dee keep getting missed on for this.”25Gotta keep missing out on some more of those wishes, from the looks of it.

Justice: *Obtains black lung*26Justice: “I love having you around, Grandfather.  But don’t you think you should go home now and check on the rest of the family at least?”

Happiness: “I’m lost in this new town, my dear.  I have no idea where I live.  Also what are you doing with your hair, it looks absolutely lovely today.”

Justice: “Granfather?  That’s a houseplant.”

No wonder he’s lost.27Justice: “Agony’s fists may be able to cause death to butterflies, but in my hands I have the power to create life.”28Justice: “Behold!  Goldie fish!!”

*Plants instantly crystallize for some reason*29Justice: “GASP!  It’s that time of the year already!  Spooky day is upon us!”

It’s February.

Justice: “Nonsense!  I want to hold a lovely block party for all my friends!  Granted I have no friends outside Dee Dee and my family, luckily though, Grandfather let me borrow his directory!  For some reason he knows everyone in this town, just like he did in Hidden Springs.  We still don’t know why.”
30Happiness: “I gotta recycle my old outfits because I only get to use them once a year and otherwise they’re taking up space in my closet.”

Nice costume, Mizzcutto or whatever your real name was.

Mizz: “Thanks.  I’m a motorcycle.”31Serenity: “Justice!  Can I use spooky day costume while on prenegent, or is it dangertops”

Dee Dee: “Wow, Justice.  Classy sister of yours to come crawling out of the trailer park.  Hardly a week in and she’s already getting knocked up by randoms.”32Serenity: “Nonsense!  I did it the traditional way!  My man may be trashy but he didn’t skimp on the ring just for me!”

Agony: “She’s right.  It was truly romantic.  They met, got married AND made that baby in the back seat of the same Uber on the same night!”33Something told me that Jin would show up if I invited her, and something else just told me she’d show up as a hot dog.

Jin: “My face is the avacado! :)”34Dee Dee showed up as an undead pirate rockstar?  It’s different but I really have no idea what she’s going for.35Justice: “No matter what she is dressed up to be, she is still beautiful to me.”

Dee Dee: “Well I see you just wore your work clothes for Spooky day.  At least I gave it some creative effort.”

36Justice: “As much as I would love to get the party started and we spend time with our friends, I love you very much and I have something that I really, really want to ask you… Dee Dee, do you… hear a fire alarm going off?”

Dee Dee: “I do, as a matter of fact, and it sounds awfully close…”

Please not right now…37Happiness: “Nope, not in here.  And the potions table isn’t on fire.  There’s no fire on this lot.  The sound bugging out again probably.”

Yeah but it’s SO LOUD and sounds like it has a source somewhere…38Peace: “That is the loudest fire alarm I have ever heard in my life, and I’m not even wearing my hearing aids!  Wrath!  Are you smoking pot in my bathroom again?!”


Peace: “What did you say I can’t hear anything”39Dee Dee: “Huh.  Must be an important emergency.”

Justice: “I’m so sorry, I’ll be back!  My duty as a cop, and as a REAL cop, is to protect the citizens!  That and my dad is about to die brb”40Hetal: “Bitch you aren’t going anywhere.  I demand candy.”

Justice: “Look sweaty my dad is a moth when it comes to an open flame so I kindly recommend you get your hand out of my shoulder socket and let me do my job.  You aren’t even wearing a costume, and party poopers don’t get treats.”41Justice: “Dad!  I’m on my way to save y-”


Justice: “Well, I mean… I guess it’s great that Grandfather is a caring loving man.”
42No rush, Peace doesn’t think it’s an emergency.

Peace: “Oh my dearest Cynthia!  How I miss you so.  If only you could see how dedicated our Justice is and how Serenity is going to make us first time grandparents.  And my dearest Izzypop, from whichever star you are living at, I still love you, sob SNIFF”

Good thing you were never a real firefighter.43Happiness: “PEACE!  What have I TOLD you about playing with the stove!!?!”

Peace: “Dad?  Hey dad.  I am baking a salad for dinner  :)”

Happiness: “What you’re DOING is burning the house down!  You’re grounded for a week.”

Happiness: “Oh my poor sweet, stupid, stupid son.  This is my fault you came out this way.  You inherited your mother’s blatant stupidity, and I could have prevented that if I only knew what a condom was.”45Wrath: “What’s red and bad for your teeth?  A brick!”

Justice: “Cousin Wrath, please do not come in here!  This kitchen is tiny enough as it is and with all of us packed in here we will never find a fire extinguisher.”

Happiness: “Come on, son.  This way to the exit.  Please follow me and stop screaming.”

Peace: “THIS IS INTERFERING WITH NAPTIME!!!”46Hysteria: “I REALLY have to do everything around here, don’t I?  You guys are fucking broke!”

Wrath: “Hey Agony, did you hear my joke earlier!  A brick!  Haha I’m good.  I found my joke book you hid in the toilet tank by the way.”47Justice: “Cousin Wrath, PLEASE!  Don’t keep walking INTO the fire!  You’re going to catch fire with that cheap Wal-Mart costume!”

Wrath: “Heh.  Brick.”
48Hysteria: “Too late, I caught fire first.  Look at my ass.”

Justice: “NOOOOOO!  NOT YOU!!”

Peace: “Never fear!  A real firefighter is here!”

Maggie: “Your choice in tv is shit.”
49Maggie: “Hm.  You seem to have it under control.  Do you just need pointers or something?”

Justice: “To be honest, she really does need help.  Can you, if nothing else, at least put her pants out?”50Maggie: *Goes for a reverse choke slam*

Hysteria: “Bitch does this LOOK like the time for the WWE in here?!”51Wrath: “How many DEAD BABIES does it take to FIRE”


Justice: “I’m working on it!  I can only see with so much fire in my literal eyeballs!”

Maggie: “Can yall stop passing that around like its the damn flu or something.  Jeez.”
54Peace: “I just can’t believe she would just put herself in harm’s way like that.  That’s so dangerous and stupid and I raised her better than that.”

Justice: “DAD THIS WOULDN’T HAPPEN IF YOU COULD STOP TRYING TO COOK HEADS OF LETTUCE IN THE OVEN”55Peace: “Yall nasty and leaving soot prints all over my clean pristine floor”

Wrath: “That’s it.  I’m putting rat poison in your denture water tonight.”55Justice: “The fire is over Maggie but whatever.  You weren’t really all that helpful.”

Then the party ended and everyone across the street said it sucked.  Sob.56Justice: “But I’m glad you’re still here!  Yay, my love!”

Dee Dee: “Yeah, just chillin.  Tried to leave, but you called me back and like a dummy I returned.  Glad to see you’ve cooked yourself in a deep fryer again.  Sigh, your level of self care…”57Justice: “But you came back, and your devotion to me is ever so special and wonderful, and as I was saying earlier before my dad tried to burn the retirement home down… I have something important to ask you.”

Dee Dee: “Oh?  What’s that?”58Justice: “This isn’t how I imagined it to go, Dee Dee.  I wanted all our friends and family to be here to watch this moment, and I didn’t think I would once again, be covered in soot and burns, but now is probably one of the better moments I’ll ever get to ask you this.

Dee Dee Wynn, will you marry me?”
59Dee Dee: “Oh wow!  This is lovely!  Of course I will marry you!  This is a definite yes from me!”

Justice: “You have made me the world’s happiest cooked porkchop!”60AND THEN the cat died.

Dee Dee: *prods ceiling with umbrella*  “Nope, it wasn’t asbestos.  I guess the cat was just old.”
61Death: “It’s time to go to that cat house in the sky, Ariel.  Say goodbye to your owner, OH by the way, congradulations on your engagement, Justice!”

Justice: “Sniff, sob, thank you?”62Ariel: “I don’t trust any of this.  You’re going to steal my face aren’t you.”

Death: “Nonsense!  What business do I have stealing the faces of any creature I move to the other side??”63Then he stole her eyes.

RIP Ariel.  I tried to give you a good life from living on the street for the short time you were with us.  Though with these people maybe I made it worse.64Dee Dee: “I’m sorry your cat died.  Um, sympathy flowers?”

You can’t fool anyone like that Dee.

Justice: “SOB.  REALLY.”

Hysteria: “Look hoe if you’re hitting on me, I’m going to hit you back.”65Hysteria: “Justice get your bitch.”

Justice: “We just got engaged, Dee Dee.  If you do this to me I might get so upset I will like, cry and stuff.”66Dee Dee: “Awwww man.  But… them boobies…”

Justice: “Trust me hun.  They aren’t even real.”66Dee Dee: “Wow, engagement and all and that cat’s death went and ruined our entire date, just like that.”

Hysteria: “Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s because you’re a thot.”67Hysteria: “FUCK my lip busted”

Dee Dee: “Ew you’re like, leaking and stuff.  Yeah, nevermind, I’ll stick to Justice.”

Chill Out

1Agony: “Huh, the Marlena woman died while I was gone.  Does this mean that uh, she just stands in the living room for all eternity now or what?  I knew I shouldn’t have left the Love and Shit School.”

Angela: “Goodness no.  Now that I can finally properly introduce my daughter-in-law to this side of the void, I’m gonna teach her how to properly live!”
2Marlena: “Oh wow!  I had no idea you could do this kind of stuff with objects!”

Who could guess just how active Marlena’s corpse is compared to when she was alive.3Peace: “Wait a minute, this isn’t my Granny Angela!  No way in 1000 years would my mother ever have the brains to come the second floor of the house much less play pool.”

Marlena: “Wow this actual living thing is awesome.  I wasted 80+ years of my life I now see.”
4Considering how well my game was running at the time, I felt brave enough to finally let Betel back out of her coffin.

Betel:  “And here I was enjoying the empty silent void in which I did nothing.”

Not like she’ll end up doing nothing anyway.5Peace: “Oh ships, I forgot we already had a maid in the house.  I hope they can get along alright…”


Betel: “You get insurance?  Lucky dick.  All they pay me is in the form of subpar internet connection.”6.5Peace: “But… we weren’t planning to kill you… maybe Wrath but not us…”

Raul: *Jogs quickly away while chanting STAYING ALIVE at the top of his voice*
7And then just like that, the snows began to melt, and winter was over.  I usually never get to see the snow melt, since it poofs away in chunks unceremoniously, but the distant mountains are almost gorgeous, even with my ass graphics and Peace’s hoarding station in its foreground.8And with Spring, comes life.  In the form of stray animals that wonder into the yard.

Wrath: “Yaaay, a new horseshoe target to throw shit at!”

Stray: “Please do not, I just came to beg for a food…”
9Aw, she cute.  And she’s pretty old, I would hate for her to not find a forever home to finally rest in…

Stray: “Oh no.  Please do not adopt me into this hell…”

I think I will adopt her into this hell.
10Although.  ONCE AGAIN.  Instead of looking at what I was doing, instead of adopting the stray into the family, I “adopted” Betel for the second time.

Betel: “Damn.  And I was thinking about doing something like cleaning up this dump.  This has thrown my whole morning off.”

I looked into her commands to see if I could keep making her clean up while she was at it, but I think she only had like three commands or some shit like that – Go there, Talk, and a “Chill Out” command?  So I tested that one out to see what she’d do.
11Apparently Chill Out sends her to the bar.  I shouldn’t have been surprised.

Betel: “Oh rum and coke, how I missed thee.”12Brave: “I was letting my head flowers get some rain, and I fell asleep in the yard.  Totes forgot what I was even doing here.”

Your old age is unimpressive, Brave, but other than that.  In case you can’t tell from the generic side of the street, we are at the wedding reception place.  Which means one thing…13Nascar: “It means that that Bonehilda is a hot piece of ass, is what”

Nascar, where the fuck is your wife, you have a wife.14Peace: “It means that my wedding is about to start!  Which is fantastic, even though it had to start raining as soon as I call for the guests, but either way, I’m excited to renew my vows.”

Nascar: “And you do it without bringing along the sexy sugar mama?!  WAT’N DA HELL’S WRONG WID YOU BOY”15Julian: “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind if I got boned from that if you know what I’m sayinhuehuehuehuehuehue”

Charity: “You have never been right in the head.”

Nascar: “Touch my One True Love™ and I will run over your bald ass with a tank, do you hear me from over here, Julian?!”16His rage overpowering his motherboard mixed with the rain shorted him out, and he finally stopped ranting about Bonehilda for all of two hours.

Nascar: “No, these are actually tears I’m cry because you won’t let me sleep with the bone maid.”

I guess it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing he’s wanted to sleep with.
17Ole’ Rodrigo graced ourself with his party crashing presence.  At first I thought it was Florida Man, which is a shame. He’s so cloney.
18Cynthia: “Our wedding vows are supposed to be an unbreakable chain of love and steel.  Break them one more time though, Peace, and I will break your jaw.”

Peace: “To be honest, I do not fear you, for I love you and will never fail your trust and loyalty again, and also I’m not really worried about you hurting me because your old people bones are as fragile as a wet milk carton.”19Cynthia: “I will take that promise to have and to hold, if you explain to me what Betel is here repairing Nascar in the front of the lot.  I thought we agreed we weren’t hooking them up.”

Peace: “I’m not, but I hate to see Nascar sad, so I’m just having her do this one thing before we reset her out of our family’s roster.”
20Betel: “Trust me though, this screwdriver is the only thing that’s gonna be screwing you today, you tin can.  So when I get you fixed, don’t even think about it.”

Nascar: “A bot can still dream…”21The wedding still went on without a hitch.  There should be no more mid life crisises, so hopefully this duo continues to go down the line ’til death do they part.

Nascar: “If they last as long as I have with my dear wife, then you know it’s a match made in heaven.”

Nascar, at the rate you are going, it will be a miracle if Veronica even lets you in the house anymore.22And of course, end-wedding shot ruined because the groom’s sister fake-dies into a zombie.

Cynthia: “Now there’s someone who’s jaw I know I can break.”

Peace: “While I do not usually condone violence against family, I’m pretty sure we can all say that we approve of it if you go through with it, Cynthia.”
23Back at the house, the stray is finally successfully added to the family.  Following the theme, and adding her as a pet for Peace’s family, her name is Ariel, and hopefully she will leave a good impression on her family.

Ariel: “Nah I’ll just hide under the couch until old age finally claims me any second now.”

Betel: “Great, I guess I’m going out in the trash now, aren’t I.”

Yep. *resets and deletes*24Another addition to the family, a gnome I found in Wrath’s inventory.  Bald Elvis now has a new friend.

BE: “Thank you.  Thank you very much.”25Baal: “And this is the living room, where you will have your own little personal litter box that cats use for their toiletries.”

Ariel: “Isn’t that a little… small for me to squat down into.”

Baal: “Nah, just flip the lid, lean it over and go to town.”

Marlena: *Sobs*26Marlena’s gonna trip someone and break their neck one of these days, so she was finally moved out into the backyard.  I think Wrath planted a watermelon on it.

If it’s anything like its fertilizer, it actually might not do anything at all.27Ah, I’m taking a lot of scenic photos today.  Granted my video card seems to be tanking, this town does still  look decent.  Despite the evil trying to claim the banks of the river, this town gets a lot of nice little rainbows.28Happiness: “Remember me?  I still do these shows when I get attention placed upon myself ! Please.  Make my daughter stop show-stealing so I can make some money.  Please.”

Why are all your daughters so bad this week, Happiness.29In usual fashion, I let Peace take his family out for an outing (as usual as well, one of them didn’t bother to come along because they’re fuddy duddies.  This time being Justice)

Peace: “I just want my little girl to get out and experience life outside of school every now and then you know.”

Serenity: “You know I can’t see anything without my glasses.”
30Happiness: “GASP!  My… my dear son came to see me perform for once!  This makes me the happiest father in the world!”  *proceeds to cry hormonally into the microphone for 6 minutes*31Peace: “So this is how dad’s usually go?  Truth be told, I’m not that impressed.  5/10, very low replay value.”

Honey, this is the largest audience he’s had in a long ass time.32Happiness : “ALL THE SINGLE LADIES~”

Jodi: “I’m a single lady :D”

Don’t you have a mutated orange you need to be watching after, Jodi.33The audience would be a bit broader if Peace’s family actually came in off the street and actually participated in the show.

Cynthia: “Hey I’m spending quality alone time with my daughter.  Teaching her how to be a woman and all that.”

Yes.  Standing in the open in the middle of the night is quality time.

Serenity: “I can’t see anything right now.  Anyone got a contact lens?”34Thank you game.  Thank you for looking out for me and returning my trash back to me.

I like to think the Fallen’s garbage man looked in their garbage can and upon seeing a skeleton in a maid outfit in the bottom of the bin, calmly returned it to the front porch.

Ah.  Well.  *Perma-death’s Betel and starts over*35Peace: “Well.  I thought I had to pee.  I guess not anymore.  Or ever.”

Wrath: “But how’s a baby like a slice of bread?!  PEACE ANSWER MY RIDDLE”36And then he wanted this.  Was it really that traumatizing?


I guess it was…37Wrath: “Wow, you can’t fucking wait until I get out of the bathroom before trying to blow the roof off, you dumb shit?”

Peace: “There’s no time when there’s memories to repress, Wrath!”38At least he’s smart and used the shed as a makeshift bomb shelter.

Peace: “Well when there’s a chance the whole house might go up in flames, I can’t take no chances.”

Happiness: “And here I thought I raised my son to be smarter than this.”39Peace: “So much for the vows I took with my beloved wife.  Sigh.  There goes the entire side of the house.  I’m pretty sure I’m the only survivor now.  Time to move to a new town, change my name, marry a ghoul and travel the wasteland countryside together…”

Surprisingly, the tub was the only thing that blew up, so the project was a success.  Tub’s dead though.40Happiness: *Gently fists a coffee cup, as it’s the only action he’s gotten in years*

I think everyone’s getting addicted to coffee.  Horrible alternative to sleep.  Might delete.
41Justice: “As soon as I grow up into a well respected teenager and member of civil society, I too, will enjoy the smooth rich flavor of fresh ground coffee.”

That is, if she survives her caking.  Spoiler alert in advance, it goes bad42Cynthia: “The beautiful greenness of this newly modded birthday cake can’t take away the pain of the sudden lag spike we are experiencing right now.  I can only imagine this is an omen of ill times before us.”

Peace: “It’s alright wife, I’m not going to blow up any more furniture!  The tub was just one instance!!”  *takes cover away from the cake behind the counter, you know, just in case*43Happiness: “HAH, my granddaughter is getting old.  Soon I will be the youngest in the house again, because as we all know, I’ll never get to the point of having a midlife crisis, not ever!  Not in-”

Peace: “Five million years, we get it dad, stop.  I’m trying to watch my little girl’s birthday from the safely of the kitchen counter can you stop with it already?”44And then, CLIFFHANGER!

But not because I want there to be.  Justice started giving me the same shit Serenity gave me when she aged up, but this time I can’t get past the birthday itself.  So she’s stuck in child form for now…

And it doesn’t help that my drivers are officially all screwed up and boned to death.

See, long story short, I tried to update my display driver not that long ago.  But afterwards, it messed up my computer so badly, that I uninstalled it, and rolled back to an old one.  Little did I know, I probably shouldn’t have uninstalled it.  I reinstalled, before I remembered why I deleted it in the first place.  So I uninstalled it again, because not only did it not fix anything, but it made it worse.  AGAIN.  Also computer updates aren’t working anymore.  Nor can I open anything in photo viewer.  NOR CAN I PLAY ANY GAMES.  Literally the only things working are my internet browser, flash player, and trusty dependable photoshop.  PHOTOSHOP IS OFFICALLY GONE NOW AS WELL, EVERYTHING IS TANKING, SEND JESUS

So if anyone knows what I should do at this point, because I’m at a loss, please send some info my way.  For the record, I’m still rolling a windows 7, because as I said before, updates are not happening.


LOOK, A BABY NAMED FERBY WAS BORN.  It’s always nice to see my old sims reincarnated.  Dang did I ever miss Ferby.

Genetic Explosions

1Of course she is.2Does this look like the military school I sent you too, you little shit?! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY YARD AND OUT OF MY LIFE, JEEZ3Wrath: *Mourns over all the sexist jokes that could have been*

To recap, last time we had little Hysteria grow up into a colossal disappointment, as I am growing accustomed to, coming from the evil side of the family and all.  But she was so much of a genetic fuck up that Jada up and died of shock, ending any future children Wrath was going to have, because the game’s just too fucking slow for her to start over.

Then after some series of shitty events, the game shut down, I shut down, and I only bothered to try again when my internet died last week.
4Peace: “Dad I’m so proud of you.  Napping on the sofa instead of passing out on the floor like a common pleb.  For that I reward you with a little beta wave pick-me-up.”

In the future I might invest in a Motive Mobile, but I know no one in the house would even use it.  They won’t even use the cars in their inventory, they keep calling taxis.  But it would be nice for future mass motive failures.5Peace: “I got invited to a party of some sorts.  I invited my cousin along for the ride.”

Wrath: “Keep telling yourself that, fucko.  I invited myself because I need someone to try my new dildo joke on.”
6Oh.  I see it’s this house.

Jaime: “I am now aware that I should have read the invite a little closer.”7Jaime: “Welp.  No way in hell I’m doing this.  Bye.”

Way to leave us to suffer all on our own the second you get here, Jaime.8Peace: “AAAAAAAHHHHHG!  Oh sorry I didn’t mean to scream like a little girl.  I just didn’t think Jaime was telling the truth about the weirdness that was in here.”

Don’t think he has place to judge, seeing as the man gave birth to a green space baby.9Upstairs I see Betsy and Nascar are trapped also invited guests of the Florida Men party.

Nascar: “I wish I took the same door Jaime did when he ran out of the house.  I thought the stairs going to the second floor was a back exit, and Lord have I never been so wrong in my entire life.”10Peace: “If I just close my eyes, and pretend I’m at a family reunion, I can almost block out the sound of constant teeth grinding they are making.”

Wrath: “What’s the difference between a dild-oooh, you know what, I don’t think I want to tell my jokes to these people…”12Arwing: “I found a friend upstairs everyone!  I have absorbed her into my body now, and we are going to be forever one from here on out…”

Betsy: “Please Nascar… Kill me…”

Nascar: “Who’d’ve thunk upstairs would be even worse than down here.  I take what I said earlier back.  This whole house needs to be burned and salted.”13Nascar: “But I’m finally freeee!  I’m getting out of here as fastly as possible!!” *turns on feet jets and ends up going backwards*

It’s good to see that the Beast is still in the game.  I don’t even recall Nascar having it.

Arwing: “No, come back, and join us!”14Arwing: “I SAID COME BACK SEXY METAL HUSBAND”

*tongue flapping in the wind*

Now isn’t that a sight.15I’ll talk shit all I want about Arwing, but the fact that she can keep her pants up over her asscrack (albeit barely) while bent over that far is admirable to say the least.  I wish I knew her secrets.16Thankfully I was taken away from the party when Cruelty returned from whatever boarding school I shipped her off to, and dumped off on the street corner the game keeps dumping them off at.  Welcome back, Cruelty.  You will not be returning home from here.

Cruelty: “Then… where the hell am I going to live.”

I have chosen a perfect home for a dirty little clone such as yourself.17Arwing: “The door brings sacrifices.”

Cruelty: “There is NOTHING I did in life that merits this kind of punishment!!”

Aww, look, Arwing bred.  I look forward to this child exploding on me.18Oh no, that’s not who she was initially set up with…

Florida Man: “Can I help I found my grandson’s baby mama so damn irresistible?  The bear noises she made in the bedroom got me rock hard.”

19Wrath: “Days like this make me miss Jada so much.  She would make merciless fun of that child for being such a failure.”

Glad to see the house hasn’t changed.
21Happiness: “I can’t believe that I made this chair all on my own.  Amazing.  Who knew we all had some free will inside of us all along.”

The house does seem to have a bit more motivation that it used to do.  Especially after Marlena died.  They’re still a little lame, but for some bit, they are more active.

22Don’t you even fucking think about it.23*Enters a cryogenic state*

I’m so glad you’re not heiress, Serenity.24Also it’s nice to see I’m not the only one suffering with like genetics in this town.  All these Fancy Secksie three gen clones make me feel a little better about myself.

Justine: “How am I supposed to differentiate any of these people in this vanilla white ass crowd”

Clone 1: “Sigh, fine, I’ll invest in some glasses and a mustache.”25Vanessa: “I’m the only teacher in the school at the moment because the children would suck the life out of the rest of the fleshies.”

Justine: “Glasses and a mustache?!  What makes you think that’s gonna make a difference?  You still gonna be the same basic first born carbon copy of the last remnants of a forgotten family dynasty, glasses isn’t going to help that.”

Copy: “…Oh.”

Serenity: *Hits snooze*26Brave: “Oh snap crackle and pop!  Who died in the hallway now?!”

Peace: “I’m pretty sure that that is Jada’s corpse in that box, but granted it’s probably mother, since I don’t recall her ever being moved since Justice’s birthday party.”27Serenity: “Which is all well and done, because it is now my birthday!”

Try not to fall asleep on the cake.28Happiness: “Please don’t be sad over the death of the Jada lady, my precious grandchild.  She was a regret that I’m sure Wrath realizes at this point.  And besides, look at me going out of my way to actually socialize with you,  much less console you.  That’s got to mean something to you right?”

Justice: “Why are you touching me with your creepy broken wrists”29Wrath: *Evil maniac giggling*

Oh no, I already know where this is going.30Peace: “WHHHHHHYYYYYY?!!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE!”

Foreground Alien Snowman: *Pats the crotch*

31Peace: “No please, not the memories, oh sob, I still miss my sweet child so much”

Alien: “Oh man really, is he actually crying?  Wow ok fine, I won’t pat the crotch.” *Pats the ass*
32Justice: “So, uh, why are you still a child if we had a birthday for you like last night or something?”

Serenity: “Oh that’s easy.  I keep crashing the game while blowing out the candles, so I will be eternally young forever I suppose.”

Justice: “Oh ok.  Cool I guess.”

Yayyyyy, one of those game sessions THAT’S WHAT I NEEDED33Happiness: “I set up a new stage for my new show to entice new watchers.  The theme is Any Where But Here.  Because that’s where I’d rather be right now.”34Pregnant Townie: “I don’t mean to whore the attention away from this ghoul and his show, but I REQUIRE ATTENTION PLS”

Happiness: “Will I NEVER get anybody to watch my shows?!”35*Manages to hold on to a couple of viewers by screaming and crying his eyes out into the microphone*

Lady Onlooker: “Eh, well you’ve seen one pregnant lady in public you’ve seen them all.”

Proprietor: “Yeah lady, you’re scaring off our money with your damn baby, go squat him out elsewhere.”

Prego: “HMPH, fine, I’ll find another lot that will give me the attention I so desperately need!  Bye losers!”36Oh shit I almost forgot this little monster was even still in the house.  Thank you.  Get the hell out of here.

Cynthia: “Ugh finally, now I can finally relax and sleep in peace.  I’m so stressed out and wound up from her being in this house that I’m pretty sure I’m suffering a pulled tendon.”

Pretty sure you’ve pulled more than a tendon.37And it was here, post Serenity’s birthday, that my game completely shut this town down, and I vanished for 8 months to do anything else.  Each time her little teenage ass even so much as came in contact with air, the game died.  I even tried to pack the family up and force them to move into a new town for a whole new start, but the game was like NO

So now we’re back from outer space and back in business I think maybe.  I have finally been allowed back in this town on parole, and even though the computer deleted HALF OF THE FUN LITTLE PHOTOS I TOOK BETWEEN NOW AND THE END OF THIS CHAPTER, it’s good to be back.38We start off with a non-game generated makeover for our little failure here.

Serenity: “I’m cute, so all is forgiven. I even stopped passing out so much!  I mean, you know.  After being in that bed for 8 months, I probably should.”

True.39Justice is still heiress though, well behaved and off on her own, trying to help her father locate the aliens that stole her sister.

Justice: “This monitoring device should pick up the alpha brain waves of any nearby extraterrestrial, so we should soon have a lead on who kidnapped Isabella or Iguanodon or whoever her name was.  I will aid my father on his quest to make our family whole again, but first, I got to get this device to stop picking up on all the horses in the area.”

Good kid.40On a side note, I never realized that Baal had babies with another dog!  And down the line, he became a great-grandpa!


He must be so proud!41Happiness: “And there you go, little werewolf man!  Your song-a-gram for the day, now if you don’t mind, I rather look at the Freddie Fallen nerd next to you, because apparently he’s my grandchild, and he looks like a dweeb.”42Freddie, Child of Charity no less, is actually a cutie patootie.

Happiness: “Yes, well, my genes are quite powerful, I am aware.”

Charity was mostly Marlena, but whatever floats his boat.
43Happiness: “This grandchild I don’t really want to claim, don’t make me do it.”

Loyalty I had more faith in than Charity, but apparently she’s not faired well on her breeding path, but maybe I’m just being harsh, compared to Freddie.43Speaking of genes, this kid might be a future parent to a generation, so let’s see what kind of child Jodi’s bringing into the household for a visit!44Ice Jaime: “Alright you guys, we have some ground rules in this house you must abide if you are to come into this house.  First rule, wipe your feet at the door.  Second of all, wipe your feet before entering the kitchen.  Third, wipe feet before jumping on trampoline, fourth, wipe ass after sitting on toilet, fifth-”

Jodi: “Why is an inanimate block of ice talking to me”

Oh no, is that yellow on orange I see there…45Rodrigo: “Mommy says I’m her little ray of sunshine.”

Jodi: “More like my little ray of radiation, but he hears what he wants to hear.”45It’s been a while since I plopped the Florida Man in town, but I do not recall him going on the prowl and hitting it up with an older woman and spreading the sauce amongst the general population.  GRANTED that’s what he was put here for, but I didn’t think he was actually successful.46.1He IS currently dating the Arwing Monster though, as recently stated.  I don’t even know if their pregnancy is still a thing, since there were so many crashes in the past, I don’t think it even survived to our current state.  But her current child isn’t his.46.2Tyrone, apparently belongs to Jarrett, like I originally planned for.

Jarrett: *looks miserable for good reason*46.3And then we have Florida Man, his father and brother, apparently has absorbed their mother, the bucket head Florida Man, and is now the father, brother, and mother.  I don’t know what’s going on anymore.

Florida Man: “We are one, we are many”

Jarrett: “I want death.”46Rodrigo: “I thought they had a wack house, but wow.  There’s not even a full set of walls, and it has nothing but a lot of crappy 8-bit art.  I want to go home.”

Jodi: “I wish I could go home without you, but it’s snowing so badly, I’d rather not have the social workers coming to my house asking why I dumped you off in an unwalled house in the middle of the night…”

And there they stood until they got too cold and Jodi was forced to actually take her son home.47And then Tyrone exploded, and I had to go look at this mess.

Tyrone: *Tries to fly away from his icon box with his large Dumbo ears*48AGGHHHH, I mean he beautiful49Sandi: “Why the hell am I here and where the fuck are my pants”

Tyrone: *Takes the cross eyed toddler look to a whole new level*50Happiness: “Please no, don’t put me down next to this thing, I’m getting very uncomfortable”

Tyrone: *Loud vacuum noises*51Wrath: “I suppose I’ll just chunk all these rocks in here at once.  They’re all glitchy and bugging out anyhow.”52Cynthia: “That’s nice.  Do this at 4 in the morning.  We want to put up with it.”

Wrath: “Why is a woman like a busted phone jack?”

Serenity: “You know you keep this up I’m going to start passing out on the floor again.  Fair warning.”53Wrath: “What did the gay sailors say when pulling up to dock at a gay bar?  All hands on dick.”

Why would you even want to bother trying.  54Wrath: “Well first off, Jada is up and about, and I am filled with such love and adoration for my baby maker, that I wanted to rekindle the relationship and start over anew by BREAKING UP WITH YOU, BITCH.  You REALLY just died right here on the floor after finding out our children were all failures, you really left me with a pack of shit on my plate here”

Jada: “What the fuck did you want from me I was like 100 years old”

Wrath was ACTUALLY attempting to break up with Jada to become “reengaged” with her, because you know how it is.  Spouse dies, they can’t get married because some bug or some shit, they have to break up and give them the ring back, yadda yadda yadda, I’ve done this horse and buggy before.55But Jada had none of it, the second Wrath broke up with her, she poofed.  And not the stinky green cloud of ghosty vanishness, she just popped out of existence so hard that I bet you anything she won’t be back.  Hell, I bet you she’s not even in the game any more.  Gooooooo figure.

Cynthia: “Dang.  That was worth getting woken up at 4 in the morning.”

Wrath: “Hold up, hold up.  I’mma write a new epitaph on her grave…”56Wrath: “That’s better.”57But Agony tried to come back to the house, she popped up at the side of the road across town and asked for $800 to go back to school, which I clicked yes to, I wasn’t even willing to put up with her shit.

But before she poofed back into Love and Hippie Academy, I looked at her.  And I realized something.58Wrath: “Hey, you aren’t as cloney as I remember.”

Agony: “I don’t think I ever was?  I was told I was a clone of grandmother but not of you.”

Wrath: “But like, I don’t even think you’re a clone of your grandmother, you seem to have a good bit of Jada splattered all over you.”59Wrath: “If all goes well, I think you will be my heir to the throne.”

Agony: “Dammit, I knew I should have picked up the Good trait while in that stupid school.”60So I guess this is where the chapter ends.  With me realizing that Agony was probably the genetic mix I craved all along, even though I swore up and down she was just a pre-war throwback to Jealousy.  Here I have pasted a picture of her for comparison reference.

Wrath: “Don’t look her in the eyes, Agony.  She can sense your fear and failure.”

Jealousy: “No you little bitches you look me in the face, and you explain to me why my legacy is the shitpile you let it degrade to be!  EXPLAIN!!”61Uh actually lastly, here have this notification of Baal becoming a great-great grandfather!  Congradulations Baal!


Gremlins Don’t go to Boarding School

1Baal: “Behold, everyone.  It is I, Baal, and my magic ball friend, Ball, who has been magically levitating here for six months straight!  Isn’t nature amazing.”

Look at what’s back after a 6 month hiatus!  I didn’t really have a solid reason as to why I took such a long break with the FISBI this go around.  I initially thought that I could go ahead and focus all my attention on the other legacy, finish the Rainbowcy up real quick and then get on with this one without having to juggle them, but after all the real life shit that stopped me from wanting to play altogether for a while, that didn’t get done either.  So so much for that.  I could say I hope there are no more future hiatuses, but really, at this point, there’s probably no way this is going to be the last one.  I’m sorry that this is taking so long and I just as to just bear with me as we crank this thing towards our 10 gen goal.

We shall start with a small treat to get this chapter underway.  Around December I finally had someone show me how to jack around with the CAS settings in Master Controller.  You know, I’m FINALLY getting around to learning what all MC can do and all.  After 3 or so years, you know.  So I thought what better way to get some fucked up genetics in this town by fucking up some genetics.  So one late night CAS trip and I added a beautiful new resident to live in Hidden Springs.2She’s the newest green skinned resident to live in Hidden Springs, after previously spending all her life living under a busted cooling tower.  Halfway through her construction, I thought her head looked a bit like an Arwing from Star Fox, and it kinda stuck, so since I never really gave her a name, I’ve just been calling her the Arwing monster.

The Arwing monster: *High pitched shrill screaming* 8U3 She was plopped right down into the house of the Florida Men, where she will marry Jarrett when he comes of age, and birth their vastly detailed and extraordinary future children.

Jarrett: “I’m uncomfortable with this forced and bullshit marriage”

The Arwing Monster: “Shuddup ‘n get in my bed bb”4Random Werewolf named Angela I think: “What the holy hell am I looking at”

TAM: *gasp* “U R bootyful.” :0

5 TAM: “Gimme a kissu :y”

Back the camera up, please.6 Angela: *Gets her licky on some titty*

TAM: “Yeah this is the type of attention I signed up for”

I don’t feel safe leaving her unsupervised.7Angela: “Yeah who’s a bad girl it’s meeeee”

TAM: “Plbbbbbbt”

Florida Man: “What the fuck did I walk in on happening on my newly shampooed carpet”
8 Florida Man: “Actually, you are kinda cute!  I always wanted a pet frog!  I think I’ll name you Cassidy, and keep you in the terrarium upstairs.”


Ok, I’m wishing her the best of luck, and leaving the house now.

With that, the creation and installation of the Arwing monster was the last thing I did back in January, so we’re really getting back to some relatively new Fallen activity in the household.9 We start off with the actual house still sleeping and not getting the memo that the game is back on.

Textures:  *Is hibernating*

Wrath: “They’ve been snoozing for 6 months, do you really think they are going to wake up on a dime?!”

Apparently everything in the house looks sleepy, not just the sims.10 Wrath: “Ok before I start with the great joke about stuffing old people through a pencil sharpener, I’m calling to send my shitty teenage clone child to your boarding school.  I don’t actually wish it, but I’m sick of her loitering around my house breaking all my bathroom appliances, and we just got back from a 6th month vacation.  I am not dealing with this first thing off the bat.”

And with that there goes Cruelty.  Get the hell out of here.11 I SAID GO

Cruelty: “Haha, my mother’s a world class embarrassment.”

Granted it’s almost August and she’s still wearing her Halloween costume, but that’s really my fault I suppose.12 And I don’t know when or why I deleted the bottom rooms of the house (or even if it was I that did so), but WHY DID I DO THAT13 I didn’t really feel like rebuilding a room, so I made it an outside nook for Betel, if I ever allow her to come back.14 Wrath: “How do you stop a baby from drowning?  You take your foot off the back of it’s head!”

Jada: “I’m going to ignore your desperate attempts to get me to impregnate you right now to point out how lumpy your right booby is.  Get that checked out and then come talk to me again.”15 Wrath: “Aw yeah, come in here and put that wienie in my hole”

Jada: “I’m about to take this wienie off and just beat you to death with it.”16 Come on, mama needs a new genetically mixed child!17 Wrath: “I shall now write a song and serenade to my favorite bush in the whole wide world.  Not yours Jada move the fuck out of the way.  This is for you jelly belly shrub.”

Jada: “Dammit, I didn’t get to the guitar in time.  I was going to smash it before she started being an embarrassment :(“18 Cynthia: *Discusses important political matters with the dog out in the middle of a storm*

Baal: “I just wanted to play with my toy, is that too much to ask?”19 Cynthia: “Why in heaven’s name is there a soggy hot dog taking care of my baby?”

Jada: “Because the mother’s too busy being doped up acting, trying to hold a discussion with an animal out in the rain.  Don’t shit talk me while I’M taking care of your kid, k?”20 Peace: “I still think about you all the time my sweet unnamed child…”

Cynthia: “If you want to have woohoo with me, get in here already and stop dinking around out there.”21 More hunky dooby.  The easy access to pictures is a great cover for the REAL reason we got a photobooth on the lot.22 Wrath: “What does the lesbian vampire say to the other?  “Same time next month.””

Yes, lovely, Wrath.  Let’s let the baby play bouncy horse near the row of bee houses.

Wrath: “No one in this family cares.  Look at the father.  He doesn’t give a shit.”

Peace: “Once I’m done with this painting, I’ll go over there and save my child.  I need to mix my greens better first though…”
25 Wrath: “Yesss, you little shart.  Lead the bees to victory.”

Justice: “I shall be the leader this bee villa needs to succeed!”

Wrath: “When I have kids, I’m going to be a great mother.”

Cynthia: “What the…”26 Good parenting skills, Wrath.

Justice: “I think I swallowed one.”27 Jesus, WHY are you still here in the house?!  We sent you away to boarding school two nights ago!

Cruelty: “As the new bathroom goblin, I require to remain present in the bathroom at all times.”


Serenity: “Really dad?  That’s immature.”29 Serenity: “MOOOOM!  Dad’s being inappropriate!”

Peace: “Don’t run off and tell on me!  It was an accidental twisting of the nipple!  This bathroom wasn’t made for two people to fit and I didn’t know you were in here!!”30 Cynthia: “This is just swell.  I’m lost in the woods again, and this time, I don’t think I can escape this desolate and dreary land.”31 Cynthia: “Oh wait, it’s just the backdrop from the Halloween party, since someone hasn’t spent the last half year cleaning this up like they were supposed to.”

Cruelty: “I don’t do fuckin’ chores around here, piss off.”32Serenity: “He followed me in here momma… help… me…”

Cynthia: “Stop scaring our child with threats of nipple twisting.  That’s illegal in most states I think.”

Peace: “It was an ACCIDENT, I swear!”33 And then Peace lost his fucking mind.

Peace: “Does this look like the face of a man that gives a rootin’ tootin’.”34 Peace: “But no wait listen, it’s gonna be a temporary break up I promise!  See, if I appear as a single father to the aliens, they will take pity on me and return Ivalice or Iguana or Iggy Azalea to us, whatever her name was.  And we can get remarried and be a whole big happy family again, Cynthia!”

Serenity: “Nope, gonna go press my face against this dimension warping radio and block out the sad stupid stuff I am hearing.”35 Cynthia: “Why my husband being so stupid.”

Cruelty: “Yesssss, domestic disturbances.  I get off on this kinda stuff.”

Why don’t you GO TO BOARDING SCHOOL ALREADY36 Cruelty: “Haha, you’re getting dumped harder than you were by your first husband!”

Peace: “Stop cruelly mocking her, Cruelty!  But yeah, Cynthia, please sign the divorce papers, ASAP so I can turn them into the Alien Childcare and Foreign Relations Department in the morning.”37 Cynthia: “Why can’t he understand that that baby doesn’t even exist anymore…”

Cruelty: “Now I’m so glad I skipped out of going to an expensive boarding school for this!”38 Peace: “I must at least try to get my daughter back!  I can’t go on my whole life knowing there is a child out there without her parents, me and you!  So I must dump you to maybe try to get her back!  It’s a flawless plan!”

Cynthia: “Can’t you just be happy with the daughters you got??”39 Serenity: *Silently sobs now that she has to pick a parent and will opt to move out with Happiness instead because both of these guys are clods*40Peace: “Why can’t she understand.  I can’t have a whole family when one of us is missing.  I must appease to the alien overlords in hopes that they see I can stand on my own, and raise my other two, in hopes they will see me fit to have my third back!  This plan must work!  It must!”

Still it’s a shitty excuse to dump your wife out of the blue like this.
41 Peace: “Nah man, I’m gonna make… peace.  We’ll fix this, and it’ll be easy to go back to the way it was before once I get my child.”

Cynthia: “I will slap you if you touch me.”42 Angela: “I chose to ignore the bullhockey downstairs with my grandchild and decided to spend the whole time making noise up here with my friend the billard table.”

She really does have a hard on for pool.43 Angela: *Attempts to use her ghosty psychic powers to cheat*

Gnome: “Nah, really I popped her in the nose with that ball.”

I don’t understand the trick trying to be done here.
44 Serenity was so sad from her parents divorce that she slept outside.  She also had no choice to do so, as there was a ghost out there, and she was scared.

Liam: “There’s no reason to be scared of me!  I can’t help it if in my ghost life stage that I grew a hunchback, I’m still the fantastic vibrate personality I always was.”

45 The exact thing you would do with your newly divorced ex upon finding out that they were leaving you to find an alien baby.

Cynthia: “Haha, you may have gone for my blind side, but you left yourself wide open!”

Peace: “Good thing we are using Cruelty’s pillows and not our own!”46 Cynthia: “WAIT, NO, I’m still made at you for divorcing me!”

Peace: “Can’t blame a man for trying…”47 Jada: “-and also while I was at work, there was a man that came in with his testicles hanging all the way out to here, and he asks for a ham sandwich, but he was being a fuckin’ obvious perv so I smacked him with our largest iron cast… are you even paying attention to my story, Wrath?!”48Wrath: “Ew gross!  What is this floating blue square of that gremlin’s face telling us that it thinks it’s still our kid?!”

Jada: “About fucking time, I swear.  We were going to launch her into the sun if she didn’t leave soon.”
49 Wrath: “Thank fuck it’s gone.  Now we can prepare room for it’s newer, better replacement!”

Jada: “It’s still part of our household, Wrath.”

Wrath: “What’s the difference between a vagina and a ziploc bag?”50Peace: “Soon I will find the home planet, and send them a strongly written encouragement letter about the safe return of my child.  I mean how many stars can I shuffle through before I find one with a life supporting planet with aliens on it?”

Surely this will end well.

The Vengeance of Betel

1The newest baby means that Cruelty’s nursery is expanded to accommodate Agony as well.  That means the second story deck is all but gone now, but it’s not like any of these idiots even knew it was there.

2In an attempt to maintain separation between the nurseries anyway, I tried out this little feature!  It didn’t work shit last generation when I first found it, but so far it’s good.  Keeping Marlena out of Cruelty’s nursery, and that’s how I want it.

3Too bad it can’t keep her from doing stuff I don’t want her doing anyway.

There’s NOTHING wrong with Cruelty, but Serenity’s lonely, stinky, and hungry, so why don’t you actually FOCUS ON THAT BABY, MARLENA

Marlena: “I love my grandbaby here.  That green kid needs to hush up now, it’s getting rediculous.”


4Wrath: “For touching my spawn and hogging her up, that’s 15 bees, Marlena!”


Happiness: “I’d do something, but bringing Cruelty in here when you should know better?  For shame, Marlena.”

5I get this a lot.  Dog dig piles and gems pop up in the backyard, but this is the first dig pile on the patio.

Baal: “I dug it up, and it was a snake skin.  Btw, that’s probably a $85 repair job for the patio.  Have fun with that.”

6Marlena: *Throws up after Briana*

Briana: “I knew I should have taken the stairs today.”

7Jada: “You aren’t mine.  No way in hell I’m ever going to claim you as my offspring.”

Cruelty: “I didn’t fucking ask.  I asked for a platter of mashed carrots, does that sound like an invitation of acceptance?  The hell it didn’t so make the food happen, loser.”

8Wrath: “How many morgue workers does it take to screw a lightbulb?  Who screws lightbulbs when you got all these bodies up in here?”

Cynthia: “I just wanted to go to the kitchen, why is there a waiting list at the pole?”

Marlena, what the hell are you doing now…

9Baal: “Just call the exorcist already.  Or the garbage men.  Someone needs to come take care of Marlena, at this point I don’t care who.”

10Marlena: “But I’m determined!  I’m going to climb up this pole if it’s the last thing I do!  And then, when I get up here, I’m going to complain about not being able to get into Cruelty’s and Agony’s nursery to COMPLAIN ABOUT THE NOISE THEY ARE MAKING”


11Cynthia: “Marlena, we really could use the inheritance money you will leave behind when you die a lot more than we could use you.  I know that sounds kinda harsh, but really, truely, it’s just a fact.”

12Wrath: “Hogging up the pole for idiotic reasons, that’s 35 bees.”

Marlena: “It’s a good thing I’m indestructible.”

13Peace: “There’s just something about building your own time machine that’s just so diddly darn neat.”

That I can’t agree more.

14I’m pretty sure that I probably had this notification before, but I’m just now getting it.  I just recently started playing the Mass Effect games, so this really tickled my pickle.

15Peace: “I’m SORRY, EDI!  I didn’t know playing red hands with Joker was going to break his arms!”

Try the past next time, Peace.  Probably a little bit safer.

16Peace: “Saaaaay, I think a little Snuggle-Muffin is taking a shower in my emergency fire port.  Heh heh… I hope it’s Snuggle-Muffin.  That thing has gotten so nasty that I can’t tell if it’s Cynthia or someone else…”

17Peace: “Heeeeey… I think someone might want a little cuddle time with their honey boo!  Unless that’s you, Briana.  Uh, I can’t tell the difference between you two between all this grime.”

Cynthia: *Facepalm*

18Cynthia: “Oooh, someone wants some sexy time?  I think we should switch it up for fun, what do you think, Peace…”

Peace: “HUH, WHAT, WAIT”


Cynthia: “Sometimes it’s really nice to just switch up the spice in our love lives, don’t you agree, love?! <3”


20Jada, you didn’t even try.

Jada: “STFU, no care”

21Alright, I’m also getting really tired of this nastiness that’s been going on around the house lately.  There are too many sims and not enough help going around, so…

22We’re gonna bring Betel back.

Peace: “Look at this lollipop!  Yummy!  The wrapping paper said to not put it in my mouth because of some 900 year curse, but I can’t resist a sugary treat!”

Just summon the skeleton, Peace.

23Wrath: “What?!  Betel?!  I thought we fired you ages ago!”

Betel: “Yes, but this time I am back…”


Good, use that vengence to take care of the nasty mess down in the kitchen.  We’ve had it coming for quite some time now.

25Cynthia: “Look, I know it’s Serenity’s birthday, but I could be in bed right now, Peace!  I’m exhausted!  You are asking for a pass out over here!”

Wrath: “QUICK!  While the ugly little green one has left it vacant!  Take over the crib!  Chaos will ensue!  Why are dead babies so bad at driving?”

Could have sworn I locked this room too…

26Peace: “Two blondes make a black haired baby!  Genetic facts!”

I feel like I’m getting a lot of abnormalities this generation.

27*Sob-fest shit-storm*

Wrath: “You know what would make this room of clusterfuck even better?!  MY BIRTHDAY!  HAPPY VAGINA RELEASE DAY TO MEEEEE”

Peace: “Cynthia, you are right, we should have waited to do this until morning.”

28Betsy: “And it is my birthday too!”

Briana: “Sleep time now.”

29Peace: “Oh NO!  A rare double event!  And we were trying so hard too!”

Julian: “Go to the light, Briana!  Embrace the embrace of the Embrace of the almighty Cthulhu!”

Marlena: “WHOA.  That could have been me.  Darn.  It still could be me if I try really really hard though.”

Betsy: “Please don’t make this birthday worse than it already is, Marlena.”

31Peace: “Aw come on!  We’re already having a hard enough night tonight without YOU showing up dead, sister!”

Brave: *Apparently died at a nightclub or something*

32Liam: “Even I know that that zombie is about to meet a foul death at the hands of Wrath for eating up her garden.”

Jealousy: “At the hands of WRATH?!  Hell no, this was MY garden first, how DARE this fat zombie fuck even THINK ABOUT MUNCHING ON MY PLANTS!?”

So the zombie was killed and may his corpse never show up in this game ever again.

33Brave: “Yeah see, that’s why I’m not leaving this room.  I’m not that stupid.”

That’s good.  Because I’m not against killing you over a patch of wolfbane.


35Peace: “Caveman find tranquility in the calming colors of chartreuse and lavender.”

He seems to be readapting to modern society well.

36Wrath: “40 bees for being a smartass about the punchline of my jokes.  Also, blocking the door.  And being Marlena.  50 more bees.”

Marlena: *Ascends in the hopes that she will never return*

37Agony: “Hello!  I am here to annoy the ever loving piss out of every one of you!”

Cruelty: “It’s already working.  Thanks for being another fucking clone, Agony.  That’s what we want.”

Actually, upon investigation, she has Jada’s mouth.  Of course, that really doesn’t change much of anything, considering it’s really a step back.  She’s more or less a clone of Jealousy now.

38Jada: “You are here to take Cruelty and Agony away, correct?”

Cynthia: “Actually, he’s here for the cat.  Which really is a shame.  Marlena really needs to free some space up in here…”

Wrath: “That I couldn’t agree more with.”

39Mephistopheles: “But there is nothing wrong with me!  Unhand me, cretin, lest I inform my father of this mistreatment!”

Death: “Dude, it’s your time to go.  Also, feel this.  This is a crushed intestinal tract.  You were hit by a dump truck last week, and you really thought you could hide that from me for long?  Let’s go, there is a kitty paradise waiting on the other side for you.”

Mephistopheles: “You mean I still have to go back in THIS CAT FORM?!  Oh, it really is gonna be hell, isn’t it…”

40RIP Mephistopheles.  You were pretty cool, you loved to bully children, and you are the only reason I now know how to spell Mephistopheles.

41Baal: “Oh no.  Now I’m here all by myself.  I can’t deal with this kind of pressure.” *develops a bad habit of ear chewing*

42Wrath: “You’re the reason the cat is dead.  You’re 117, Marlena.  Call it quits or I call the bees.”

Marlena: “But you already called the bees…”

Maybe she’s able to hold out for as long as she is because her husband is an immortal vampire, even though he is never home, and she really has kinda led a miserable life.

43Peace: “So even though we brought Betel back, this place is still a pig sty.  It literally has not changed since the other day.  Where is that dress-wearing bag of bones?”

Standing on the top of the stairs for the past five hours.  Sigh.  She won’t be taking up space if that’s all she’s going to do, Betel was promptly sent away and redeleted.

So much for vengeance.

44Wrath: *Mind melds with toddler*

Jada: “What?  You mean you haven’t thrown out those pieces of crap already?!  Stop wasting my time here, Wrath!”

You really need to get over yourself a little, Jada.

45On the other end, I never have to worry about Serenity.  She always seems to have someone to care for her.

Betsy: “Maybe if Serenity is kept safe and happy, mother will love me again.”

Serenity: “I wuv you, muches and muches!”

Betsy: “It’s just not the same…”

46Jada: “Hey, Little Bathroom Troll!  We don’t keep you here to piss on the floor and make the bathroom a grimy mess, we keep you for the complete opposite!  Why is this place a pig pen?!”

Julian: “Because I’m not a bathroom troll?  I actually live in other places of the house?”

I can’t tell.

47Briana: “Hmmmm, I smell teen opportunity and happiness!  I better rise to the occasion for once in my miserable life!”

And so, Cinderella’s step-sisters got a chance to go to the ball, granted Cinderella is still in diapers right now and can’t go.  Maybe in a few more years though.

48Briana: *Lifts dress* “Hey Betsy, can you check and see if I remembered to put on panties before I got in here?  I’m feeling breezy.”

Betsy: “Not on your life.”

49Peace: “I am now in the mood for some Super Mario Bros.”

I agree, I’m in the mood now as well.


Wrath: “And I demand you answer me on what do you get when you cross a hooker and a combine?  But obviously I’m not getting that either, am I!”

51Cruelty grew up inappropriate, which is good for us.  Also it’s not evil, which is also good for us, seeing as I don’t want her as heiress.

Wrath: “And that’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”

Cruelty: “I am unloved.”

52Happiness: “I will make sure that these children do feel love in their lives, even if it’s just a quick hold before I chunk them back in their cribs for no good reason.”

Cynthia: “You are gone for days on end, and then you can’t even find your actual grandchild?  Wow, you are just as bad as your wife, actually.”

I gave up on locking the doors anyway.  They really just stand outside of it and complain about being locked out.  They only come in to stand around and complain some more, but at least it’s not at the door.

53At the end of the chapter, there is more news about these guys.  Florida man has a baby with his mother.  The town awaits with anticipated breath for it to be revealed to have 11 fingers and toes.

The Triple Legacy Spooktacular!

It’s that time of the year again, folks!  Pumpkins and candy and scary things and ACORNS BANGING ON THE ROOF OF MY HOUSE SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF ME, SERIOUSLY, FUCK THAT TREE IN THE YARD

This year, there will be a Halloween special, like the one I had the year before last (if you want to count last years EP special as a Halloween special you can if you want).  There are a pair of special appearances from this legacy in it, so if you want to go check it out, Part one is chilling over at the Secksie blog, and soon, Part Two will be on this blog!

So have a spooky Halloween everyone :3