Building Contracts

Oh dang, I haven’t updated in ages!  I think I better get back on this horse and post anot-Oh yeah.  THAT’S WHY I hate doing this anymore.  Every time I get on here there’s fucking something At least I can play ONE game on EA’s portal.  Of all things to pop up on the screen, and it’s Him.

Dinosaur: “Also the portal is lying, there IS internet.  I just wanted to make an appearance.”ANYWWAY, I think it ought to be said, a while ago (at this point, like, a YEAR? ago) I was scrolling through the chapters of this legacy to fine tune the overall score and make sure I didn’t forget or miss anything, and I saw someone.  Someone from the second generation… a familiar face from this current gen…*Fuckin X Files theme*

Oh HEY Sophie Sophia, the FUCK are you doing SEVEN GENERATIONS ago??

Sophia: “Time traveling through the back yard!  Like I own it!  Remember?”

Is this why they all say it?  Is this why everyone thinks you’re fucking weird?Demise: “Welcome… to our LAIR!! *Thunder crashes* Oh shit mommy I’m scared nooo COUGH I mean, our family is spooky, scary, kooky and only the bravest souls dare cross our threshold on the fear of DEATH!!”

Demise go inside you’re gonna catch a cold.

Demise: “I’M THE MASTER OF THE NIGHT!  AND I don’t wanna”Courage: “I’m glad we could all be here today.  I have called this counsel because uhhhhh.  We got to talk about how weird the dog is.”

Shannon: “I’m just glad we were able to get the robe back on you before the neighbors complained about the nudity.”

Happiness: “I know right, it’s great!  Now it’s my turn.”

Fear: “I hate all three of you.”

Sophia: “Please Cat PLEASE tell me when you move out, you’re taking me with you, for God’s sake”Courage: “Now that all that is over with, I shall tell you the story… the story of a family long ago… that was living its life, waiting for its matriarchs to get advancements on their careers… when out of the blue, the narrator vanished for 6~ months, and left us, marinating in our own marinade, never to know when we’d return…”

This recap of last chapter sucks.Catastrophe: “Actually this is actually really scary.  I’m a little uncomfortable right now…”

Happiness: “There’s no need to be scared, baby, I’m here for you!  Just lean back into my lap and I’ll keep you safe in my embrace!”

Fear: “Oh NO, in the FUCK YOU DO NOT“Luck: *Can’t tell what she’s talking about so it just sounds like a exhale of air*

Malevolent: “Is it the bad lighting? Is it because we had to turn the filters on really high because everyone wants to do scary stories in every room of the house at the exact same time constantly or something?”

Jubilee: “If Courage thinks he’s going to out-spook my scary stories you all have another thing coming!”

Fear: “At least this will look great on the light bill.”Nothing new in Sanguine’s corner of the world.  Still skilling and crafting.  Making the potions that are required by LTW law.

Sanguine: “After searching for these rare mushrooms for so long, I think I’m finally making progress.”Sanguine: “Oopsie.  I may have made a funky wunky.”

PLEASE.  I just want to complete your GOALSSanguine: “Hurk hurk plurg”

At least she was lady enough to hurl outside.Sanguine: “Excuse you.  I was only gone five minutes.  You KNEW I was using that.  And you NEVER use that.”

Leon: “Bitch, go on with yourself already, I’m entitled to do what I want on my 15”Vanished for [Redacted] months, back to this?

Meredith: “I will now name you: Dog Shit in Woods.”

Who?: “Face it mom, or auntie, or whoever.  You just forgot out names after the months long break.”

Dog Shit in Woods: “Damn, I was hoping I could get something cool, like Redacted.”Omen: “EVERYONE!  Sabrina’s back in the house!!  Bark bark bark!!  AWWOOOO”

Maybe I shouldn’t have come back.Checking on the Sanguine’s grind, and I don’t remember this salamander on the table next to the potion stand.  But I thought he was so pretty, and he glittered with little purple lights, that I don’t think I have ever noticed before.Sanguine: “Awwww, and his little name is Dominique!  What a little friend.  This is my buddy now.  My little potion crafting bud-why am I able to EAT him”

Jesus let’s pass on eating a salamander, please, thank you.

Sanguine: “Yeahhhh, definetely going to pass on that.  Dominique is my new bestie, I could never in a thousand years eat my new friend!”Malevolent: “Yeah well.  I will.”

NO.  LEAVE DOMINIQUE ALONE!  RUN DOMINIQUE!!NOOOOOOO I CAN’T WATCH

Malevolent: “Mmmm tastes like poison and future intestinal distress”Omen: “Good news so you don’t have to watch our idiot sister eat wet lizards then.  Demise finally realizes he’s 27 and is ready to have his birthday party!”

Fear: “Oh.  Well.  Tell me when he’s done with all that so I can make dinner”Omen: “And now that that’s going on, I am ~*taking advantage*~”

Demise: “DAAAAAAD, Omen is using my birthday as an excuse to get out of chores and throw shit on the floorrrrrr”

Fear: “Shut the fuck up I’m prepping enchiladas, I don’t got time for your drama right now”Omen: *The loudest fucking toot he could make right in Demise’s ear*

Fear: “What the hell, Demise, pick that shit up off the floor, we’re not pigs around here”

Demise: “Are you completely serious”Fear: “Oh!  Good!  You’re a grown man!  You’ve finally made me so proud son.  What have you decided to grow up to be, after all this time?”

Demise: “Dad… I have decided, with much thought and conclusion, that I would like to follow in my twin sister’s foot steps, and actually provide some Good for the world from now on.”

Fear: “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE”And here, after ALL this time, is Demise all grown up, and yes, he has become Good.  Late to the game (second born but now the third youngest kinda late), but he’s officially a Black Sheep, like it matters at this point.Jubilee: “Now on to the most important moment of the day!  Me!!!”

Demise: “She’s really going to take my spotlight moment away that quickly?  Just like that?”

To be fair you should have grown up a long, long time ago, that’s not Jub’s fault.She got eco friendly in the end of everything.  Along with animal lover and technophobe, she’s really gotten the short end of the stick for an evil sim.

Jubilee: “Friend of… the environment…. hug?  A panda??”

Miracle: “It’s ok, Jubs, I got your back, sis!  Lemme get you back in your usual wardrobe, you’re gonna feel so much better!”Miracle: “Look!  I found your super endangered, super rare South Mongolian Ube Leopard skin evening gown!  You’ll feel right on track!”

Jubilee: “YES!  It’s all coming back to me!  I AM a lover of animal… prints!  I am eco friendly!  By removing pesky animals from the environment for my newest clothing line idea!  I’m adopting 6 strays!  Then probably 94 more!  This coat line is going to be banging!”

Miracle: “YAAAY!  Follow your dreams!!”Miracle: “You’re going to make so much money!  I’m so excited for you!  Then you don’t got to save up for a nose job to keep your nostrils from expanding and eating your sunglasses off your face!!”

Jubilee: “HAAHHAHahha wait hwat”Jubilee: “Wait, no, my nose is normal.  Don’t scare me like that.”

Miracle: “Oh, I see it is.  Nevermind what I just said then.  Skin dogs.  Make clothing.  Yeah, go back to that.”Another birthday elsewhere has actually shown me what WOULD happen if someone’s nostrils began expanding and eating their face though.

Rita’s son Samuel is regressing the family line I see.  All that work in their genes and his face goes back to being in his eyes.”

Child: “At least he was important enough for you to remember his name though apparently.  Damn.”Anyway, on that note, it was decided that now is the time for all three of the boys to move out together and set forth on a life of whatever.

Demise: “But I just got my drivers license…”

Omen: “Yeah and for that purpose you are not going to be driving.”

Torment: “This is going to be so fun!”Immediantly upon getting the boot, they decided it was nap time instead.

Demise: “Can’t kick me out if I’m sleeby eeby zzzz”

Figure it out on your own then, dude.At this point I’m less concern with their nastiness and more concerned with whatever Modesty did to get deep fried.Modesty: “Hey, yo, when I moved in with you I did NOT agree to you suddenly revealing you had six cats!  I’m NOT down with stinky cat piss living, some, actually all, of them have GOT to GO!”

Terror: “That’s too bad because any woman that is to love me has to love all six of my angel babies.  They are my life, my loves, the inheritors of my estate (which is $4 and some Yugioh cards).  You’ll learn to get along with them.  Just remember that all six sleep with me, and the entire left side of the bed is theirs.  Hope you don’t mind sleeping in the secondary cot in the guest room.  I love you so much my darling Moddy.”

Modesty: “I literally walked through fire for this fucker and this is what I get”Sanguine: “I came to check up on you guys and see how you’re adapting, my dear cousin.  I also want to remind you that no matter how hot they are, please, do NOT go dating your sisters or cousins or brothers or ANYONE, PLEASE, for the sake of the remaining shreds of our dignity, DON’T do it!  I’ll import you a Russian bride myself if I have to?  Do you want me to?  I have one already in the works, her name is Lufthansa Khekosuvlovchoscouv and she makes a mean borscht.”

Omen: “Please oh my god I only stepped off the lot and went house hunting 2 minutes and 13 seconds ago.”I looked around the housing development while Sanguine was here just to see who snagged up the remainder of the houses, and found Malice finally moved in with someone else, and seems to be having a really hard time of it for some reason.Malice: “I recall… my love… being someone else… someone dangerously close to me… why can’t I remember… why… my memories seem stolen… my head… I don’t understand…”

Hugh: “Awh, she’s always like this.  Always going on about a past relationship she never had with some Fabio or Fergie or whoever.  She’s always been in my life, with me and our family.  She’s so crazy sometimes.”Hugh: “Awh ignore that too.  She passes out like 5 times a day.  I don’t see why she’d want to conjure up such fake memories all the time when we have a lovely family right here.  Oh well.  Cats, I guess you’re making dinner tonight again.”

Pepper and Roni: “It’s always with this bitch.”I see Malice isn’t the only one constantly passing out in her new asbestos and mold free community housing.

Fiona: “Naaah, I just decked him really hard in the jaw after catching him sneaking in through the window like that.  Seriously, who tries to burgle a sergeants house in the middle of the day like that.”

About this time I picked back up where I left off in regards to land development, but for some reason, despite the fact that there’s plenty of space and nothing has changed, the game, as usual of course, decides that I just can’t do that anymore.  No more lots, no more changing anything in edit mode, I can’t even take lots that previously fit and put them on spaces they used to be in, without the bullshit “oh it’s not gonna fit” excuses.

So I guess there’s a halt to the development of Dragon Valley’s land after all.Sanguine: “Mr. Mayor Fintan!  I’m so sorry to bother you on this Friday evening, but I have noticed that our contracts to develop your land to the good of your community has been henceforth terminated, and I just want to know why.  So many homes, so many wonderous projects have been placed upon this town, and I know we tore up a lot of historic, holy, and sacred landscapes to do so, but you know what they say, development waits for no one.  May I inquire as to why this sudden change in construction?”Fintan: “Mayor?  Who’s the mayor?  Oh.  Hey sexy.  You wouldn’t happen to have some money on you would you?  Oawh man, I’ll suck your toes for $5, please, just throw me some cash real quick”

Sanguine: “What in the Hellman’s Mayonnaise”Bryce: “Heyyy, sorry about that.  Dad’s gotten hooked onto that IF meth, and started selling everything we own, sold the rights to the town to some dolls out in the mountains so we no longer have any say on what goes on around here.”

Sanguine: “God have mercy on us all.”

Fintan: “Hmmm, I bet I can get 2 quid off this ugly lamp”Back at the house, we are now having the last birthday of the last two kids on the evil side.  Torture goes first out in the hallway.Happiness: “Wait, this is Torture?  I could have sworn this one was named Malignant or something.”

Shannon: “You really need to keep a list like the rest of us do.”

Torture: “Please hand me my new adult trait”He will now be handy.

Happiness: “Haha for some reason”

Shannon: “No, really why do inappropriate sims laugh at birthdays, it’s a weird thing to laugh at in the first place”Sorrow: “Now that it’s my brother’s birthday!!  That MEANS!  It’s MY BIRTHDAY AS WELL!!”

Let me guess, you’re growing up in the bathroom.Sorrow: “I wasn’t pretending the tub was a boat if that’s what you’re accusing me of *Farts in Margaritaville vomit yacht owner* oh shit”

Nergal: “Does anyone in this family even know you actually exist”Sorrow is now a kleptomaniac, which means if you do ever see him in a boat in the future, just know it’s not going to be his own boat.  He will be in jail before you know it.

Sorrow: “Darn tootin.”Sanguine: “Anyway, now that that’s all been taken care of.  I’ll take a uuuuuh.  Large order of mushrooms and a small gold touch potion, hold the ice.”

Leon: “Bitch go fish”

Angel: “These “dates” get worse by the day.”Ending this long overdue chapter with more humiliation.  Gonna pry the relationship statuses out of their heads of each other like I did to Malice I MEAN she’s always been with Hugh, pfft, one of the longest happy marriages of this town, everyone knows that.