Praying Mantis Romance

So last chapter, we began the process of hooking up our heirs with sisters, the evil Teagan and good Shannon, who, in a way remind me of the founders Angela and Evelin.  I think it would be cool to have sisters be our spouses for this gen.  Mostly to actually get the ‘cousin’ status back in these kids if nothing else.

Anyway, Shan and Courage are doing really well.  Teagan and Fear on the other hand… might be a bit of a challenge.We got ourselves a nice legacy manor built down by the estuary, and of course… not even ten minutes in, Happiness is making a dozen inappropriate computer posts.

Happiness: “I GOT to get all my thoughts in on communism across in this Golden Retriever Owner Forum before Euphoria finds me and cancels the internet again.”Fear: “Soooo, I went home and invited Teagan to come over instead… I’m hoping that in the few minutes it takes to get here she gets the crab out of her ass and is more reciprocative to my interests in her.”

Hopefully.  We aren’t using friend potions this go around.  Mostly because I’m out of them.Teagan: “Wot th’ fok is this black magic yew got that made ya smear men on yer wall fer?!”

Fear: “Perfect.  In the time it takes for me to explain a television to her maybe I can finally win her over with my charm…”Teagan: “I feel I can tweek this smearin’ magic ‘n use it to pull the atoms apart in people, then we really got a spell t’ drive fear inna’ th’ hearts of th’ people, yanno?”

Fear: “I mean… uh, I guess television can lead to nuclear fission but that’s quite the jump here…”Fear: “Anyway, I just wanted to invite you over because I like you a lot, Teagan.  I think me and you can get along really well and oh my UNSEEN GOD CAN YOU IMAGINE OUR BABIES HOAH I’M SO EXCITED”

Teagan: “Th’fokuryewonmatetellayaNO”

I have actually never seen anyone so enthused into what they’re talking about they actually JUMP UP and CHEER about the subject, holy shit I think Fear really wants kids.Fear: “So wait… are you saying you don’t want kids?  But that’s… that’s not nice.”

Teagan: “Fok yew on aboot ‘nice’ fer, I can’t stand the little dobbers, ‘n I’d dropkick any ‘th call me mum.”

Teagan’s great you know.  Other than the evil trait she’s opposite of EVERYTHING ELSE Fear stands for.  I’m gonna cry.

Fear: “But kids make excellent and easy minions… don’t you want easy minions, Teag?”Teagan: “Hmm.  Tell ya wot.  Teach me more aboot rad’oactive decay an’ promise me I’ll never hav’ta take care of the lil bawbags an’ I’ll donate ‘n egg or two ‘n yer basket, alrigh?”Fear: “Yesssssss, this I promise.”

Teagan: “Good on ya then.  Oooh, I GOTTA get me onna’em nuclear reactors…“Fear: “Time to make my move…”

Like watching a praying mantis try to mate…Fear: “I think we will be the couple to fear soon enough.”

Teagan: “Hm.  Also call me Teag again ‘n I’ll shove ye heid so far up ur arse yew can be bitin’ yer own neck.”

Fear: “Duely noted.”Across town, Courage is out courting Teagan’s sister Shannon.  And I’m taking notes on other townies I see in the area.  Another good sim right there, and cute too.  So many good sims that I’m starting to wonder if anyone else is anything else.

Courage: “All the color and pointy ears make me feel so welcome and right at home.  I really think this is the place I belong after all.”Courage: “This town really does have so much color in it.  Honestly this is a berry legacy dream come true I think.”

Riordan: “The ‘ell yew on aboot berries yew git I arsed yew fur a tuppence fur a pint, yew daft or wot”

Courage: “No really why does everyone insist on using the accents, we never left the state…”Courage: “Anyway, I had a really good time with you Shannon.  I really hope we have more good times like this, if you allow it.”

Shannon: “Oh how wonderful!  Of course I would allow it, Courage!  I enjoy your company.”Conor: “It’s so nice to see someone actually try to express interest in our little Shannon.  Maybe one day he’ll be the one that breaks her out of this robotic inability to actually use her face muscles.”

Shannon: *Harddrive rebooting*

Courage: “Shannon?  Shannon, you still here??”Then we dropped by the local fire department I put down so Courage could really start bragging.

Courage: “Did you know I’m a big time fire fighter, babe?”

Oh how I missed this cringe flirtation.Shannon: “A fire fighter?!  GASP!!  Are you going to be the One that finally delivers us from Thur’bahn Roen the Molten Earth Breather?!  The dragon that has tormented us for centuries?!  Finally!  Our Chosen Knight has come forth to finally save us all!!”

Courage: “The… what earth what now???”Pain: “That’s great.  So great you actually remembered to pack up all the playboy leotards and bring them with us and NEVER take it off for any reason, Crystal.”

Crystal: “I couldn’t find the thrift shop so might as well wear it out while it still fits.  Waste to just throw it in the garbage.”

Is it just me or is the leotard actually look like its polys are slowly going to hell after all this time.Fear: “And they say… to this very day… the Elephant’s Foot still roams the earth, looking for victims to pull apart from their very molecules while they sleep…”

Teagan: “Ok so when I arsed fur lessons on radioactive isotopes I didn’t fink yew’d end up blowin’ smoke up me arse wid yer made up spooky tales…”Fear: “Well I totally had fun today.  Honestly if you’re down for it again soon, think you’d be up for a date later?”

Teagan: “I gotta say mate, I had a shite time.  Yew don’t stop actin’ like yer got bollocks fer brains then honestly I don’t want there t’ be a next time.”

Fear: “Oh…”While Fear acts like he never had a fucking charisma point to his name, Courage and Shannon continue to not need a damn thing from me.  However this vantage point for looking at stars was a CHOICE MOVE, COURAGE.

Courage: “It’s out of the rain so shows what you know.”Honestly I was started to get iffy on Shannon because she REALLY does move stiffly and oddly and always pulled some weird facial expressions, but then sometimes she pulls looks like this and I really think she looks very pretty.

Courage: “Ok so the ceiling really is blocking my view of the rainclouds so maybe this wasn’t as fun as I expected.”Teagan: “Fokin’ git pulls me back here, sits me down fer a spot of chess, then bolts ‘n leaves me in here by meself?  Th’ fok kinda game is this wanker playin’ at.”Fear: “Mom I need help.  I’m… I’m actually scared of her.”

Euphoria: “Uh-th-f-HUH, what in Maxis’ left buttcheek am I supposed to do?!  You picked the girl, YOU taught her about radium and uranium radioactivity for some ungodly reason, so you need to figure this one out on your own, son!”At least he still likes her and is willing to try (even though he keeps his “lost friend” status with her between 23-24 hours…)Of course now he also has this going on as well, bro you got to make up your mindBack in the town, I love how they really just keep reusing the same old bistro over and over.  Just slap some warm colors on this place and how can we REALLY make it Gaelic looking here?  I KNOW.  High backed chairs.And of course Courage still hasn’t mastered the art of sleeping in a bed.

Horrible choice of making camp, Courage.  You’re going to wake up and all those wooden eyes of Sauron are probably going to make you pee your bag.Oh, and yeah the family is starting lines for the rocking chairs.

Pain: “Yeah well his ass is going to have to wait another two hours.  I JUST sat down three hours ago and it’s still MY turn.”*Somehow only ten minutes later*

Pain: “She promised the worst torture I could imagine if I didn’t give my seat up instantly so I had no choice :(”

Crystal: “Well it’s 7am so she’s got to relinquish it soon, right?”

Judd: “Yeah but that’s not a reason for YOU TO CUT IN LINE, I WAS HERE FIRST”Too bad no one cares, Judd.  Besides, its now time for you to GO TO WORK, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE 50 YEARS.

New town, no glitches!  Time to reacquaint yourself in the working field!John: “Welcome to the fire force of Dragon Valley, brother.  It’s so nice to meet a fellow Summer Elf in these parts!  Tell me, are your clan from the Sunshine Archipelago or are you from the prestigious colony in Sunstantinople?”

Courage: “Uh, well actually I’m part alien and part Everglade swamp ogre, so probably not…”

John: “Ah, so an Original!  Your kind will be most welcome here then, friend!”Fear: “Ok so third time’s a charm.  Her house brings out the worst in her, my house sucks, hopefully a local change of scenery will work best for me.”

I can always tell how good a town is by how crappy their art museum is 🙂Fear: “So glad you could meet me here today Teagon, and YOU WILL HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH ME OOOHGGHHGKLASJO”

Teagan: “Wot ‘n da wot HUH”Fear: “My love, you look so tense from doing nothing in your house all day long.  Here, let me take care of that tension for you…”

Teagan: “Gotta admit, I won’t turn down a goot backrub…”

Ok, good sign, good sign…Fear: “Teagan, devote yourself to me, and I promise you I will provide for you many minions-I mean kids-I mean educational material highlighting the horrors of artificial sciences that your heart yearns for.”

Teagan: “Yeh, why not.  Yer not a half bad bloke anyway, Fear.”

We have now passed the precipice of the dating status.  Huzzah.John: “So what was this thing you called again?  A Vib-Dio game?”

Courage:  “Yeah and this is the Playstation 5 if you can believe it!  I got scalped for it when it first came out for about $5,280, but as long as I put the hours into it like I swore I would, it’s sooooo worth it.”

And so we are back to waiting on emergencies to happen around her.And FINALLY, we have a chance!

Courage: “John the red wall titty is screaming.  What’s that mean?”

John: “Hold on, I’m looking for a map but so far I think all these are just Chinese take out menus.  That being said you want to split a number 38 later after work?”Wild horse: “What is WRONG with you, boy?  I taught you how to burn down a house efficiently and correctly, and LOOK.  You left SO MUCH evidence!  This is hardly the work of a real future killer!”

Foal: “I’m so sorry papa… I’ll work harder next time I swear…”

No that’s not suspicious in the slightest.Courage: “Hm.  A small fire on a stone floor in a stone hallway while no one is even home.  Maybe I should be more wary of those horses after all.”

Of course no one is home.  So much for saving anything today.Had to move Teagan in while Fear was still in her good graces.  Her LTW is to be Empress of Evil and she’s actually halfway there.  I might have hope for her.

Teagan: “Fok that, mate.  I got a chair now.”

Maybe not.Fear: “MY GIRL IS THE NEWEST HOT RED HEAD IN THE HOUSE, YOU’VE BEEN REPLACED”

Happiness: “FEAR?!  I THOUGHT WE LEFT YOU IN MIDNIGHT HALLOW”Intrestingly enough, now that Fear and Teagan are offically dating, that means they are actually a step ahead of Shannon and Courage now.  Time to fix that with a nice tavern date.

Shannon: “We sure we didn’t trespass on an abandoned building?  I didn’t even know this place had working lights.”Courage: “Shannon you should have been there today.  This fire was HUGE, I mean GIGANTIMUS!  Totally rescued this family of 8 from these two maniacal arsonists.  They gave me a promotion and everything for my good work!”

Well he’s not wrong on the promotion at least.Shannon: “An absolute hero.  I can’t believe what we would do without you, Courage, our brave knight.”

Courage: “Well it’s because you give me the strength to be brave, my darling, Shannon.”And so, first kiss, ever so soft and romantic.And the Courage wishes for THIS, Jesus Christ Courage.  Was it THAT BAD???

Courage: “Oh man my darling Shannon.  I can’t wait… urp… to teach you about this wonderful new world invention we have now, it’s called Listerine”

Shannon: “I’m so excited to learn so much from you!”Courage: “Now if you mind, all that fire fighting has made me a sleepy little boy and if I don’t get my nap nap, I get crank.”

Shannon: “Well I’ll turn the lights off on my way out and lock the door so you’re safe, my darling sunshine.”Of course.While their date went on, Happiness committed 14 fucking crimes of inappropriate forum posts, so we’re going to prank him with a good old jumpscare.  I didn’t know that adults could actually do pranks seeing as I’ve only ever seen teenagers do this, so seeing it pop up in Fear’s commands was a breath of fresh air.

Fear: “My guess is that it IS only for teenagers seeing as I guess I don’t got the animations for it as an adult, but stomping holes into the computer chair so his asscheeks fall through is actually better.”Even BETTER?  After Fear finished setting up the family computer, I went to send him upstairs to Courage’s laptop, only to find that Pain ALSO is down to set up pranks on the computer as well?!  I guess I’m not the only one sick of Happiness’s bad posts.

Pain: “Mother fucker deleted all my content from my streaming age and replaced it with “funny boy” fortnite clips so I hope this prank gives the bastard a heart attack.”And now, we wait.

Happiness: “Golly this juice gives me so many ideas on how to start a political argument on this foodie blog I’ve been stalking.”Well that didn’t take no time.

Happiness: “Who in their right mind stomped HOLES in our GOOD computer chair?!”

Euphoria: “I’m not even going to warn him.  I’ve had to put up with so much damage control from his bad posts that I’m not even going to save him.”Happiness: “Alright, time to log into my acc-GOOD LORD OF LEMON PARTIES NOT THE GHOST CAR GIRL ON ALL THREE MONITORS”

Euphoria: “As long as he doesn’t put a fist through any of them, but he’s the only one that uses the computer so what do I care.”Happiness: “Ok so.  You know what.  Maybe that’s enough internet for a week or so.”

Euphoria: “He’ll be back on it in 15 minutes.”