Truth Hurts Sometimes

Last chapter Teagan and Fear boinked so hard it nastified the all in one bathroom and it was clear it was time for a maid.  I’m trying a MAID maid again though because if Betel ruins beds for us again I’m going to lose my fucking mind.

And so we didn’t even get the preset maid, we got some replacement face one bitch right off the bat.  You fuckin’ better do your job.Courage FINALLY got a chance to “save a life” though the two sims standing outside on the sidewalk are not promising.

Courage: “The fact that the sidewalk and road look like they’re fading out of this dimension is what’s REALLY not promising…”Oh wow.  Another hallway fire.  I guess at least a wooden floor makes more sense to burn.

Courage: “No one is here to save though 😦 I wonder if I should just let it burn and go look for something else instead.”

It’s tempting.Apparently, back at the station, Pestilience has returned to the force to work alongside Courage.  Isn’t that devoted of him?

Pestilience: “I’m just here for the benefits.”

Aren’t we all.
And then Fear’s bachelor party.

Teagan: “Remembeh, I’m only lettin’ yew ‘ave this parteh on the premise yew cae not touch on th’ dancers, if ye do I’m lobbin’ off ye tally.”

Fear: “Duely noted.”

Judd: “BLUBLUBLUB”Teagan: “Buh yew let mah cob dobblin’ sister in as well??!  Wah yew no gud fookin bampot, aye oughta take a bloody swat at ya bawbag wid me meat grinder dat I will”

Fear: “Shannon can you PLEASE translate for me what this crazy bitch is even saying…”

Shannon: “Yeah sure, just let me get hammered first.”Fear: “I know you aren’t fond of your sister for whatever reason, but I promise, after the party I’ll lock her in the broom closet.”

Teagan: “Better swea on ye mum.”

Shannon: “They are going to make the most beautiful couple.  I ship it.”Truth: “I’ve already skipped to the part where we get TURNT”

Fear: “Euphoria I’m locking your daughter in the broom closet with Shannon.”I don’t think I remember the last time I saw the police themed dancers.

May: “Hey hoe you forgot your umbrella, you know what happens when your latex gets wet and you know you don’t want that happening again”Happiness: “OH YEAHHH, NOW THIS PARTY IS GOING TO ROCK!!! LET’S GOOOOOOOOOO”

Maybe he needs to go to the broom closet too.Robin: “Aye baby girl.  You hook up with me, and I promise I’ll give you the world.”

Breadan: “Nonsense on this skallywag!  Hook up with me!  And I promise I’ll give you all the stars in the night sky.”

Malice: “Hmmmmmmm, what should a girl do?  Choose either of these guys for a bit of fun, or stay loyal and stick with my brother that I justified is ok to date because we were all adopted :)”

No, it really isn’t, please hook up with literally ANYONE ELSE.Euphoria: “Look at all of them, out there having such a good time… if only I could join them.  If only I could partake in the fun.  But alas, I am a loser, and I wouldn’t be very good out there on the floor…”

Please Euphoria, that loser trait really has to be all in your mind, get your ass out there and dance!Fear isn’t dancing.  He’s furthering the cult.

Teagan: “Oy Aye’m statin’ to feel less of a size 2 an’ mo’ of a size 2.5, Fear.  That betta nae be an indication of somefin…”Shannon: “OH darling sister.  You really have picked such a charming and handsome man to be with.  I’m so happy for you!  Honestly if I wasn’t with my beloved Courage and you weren’t with Fear yourself, I might have to say I would have been smitten with the man myself!”

Teagan: “So, you HAVE picked death, darlin’ sister”Shannon: *Decked out by Teagan*

Fear: “Alright everyone shut the fuck UP, Pain has volunteered to do the toast, and I’m already royally PISSED off that she’s deciding to do so TOWARDS NOTHING BUT A BRICK WALL”

Pain: “Lol because fuck you that’s why”Pain: “But I do want to say I do admire you, kid.  You and Teagan are going to make a horrible couple to live with and I look forward to you two burning this house to the ground.  You’ve grown into such a fine young man, and I almost regret throwing you and your brother away as a baby.”

Fear: “Haha, wait, what was that last part”

Shannon: “Hurmn, directly under the stereo makes a bad place to take a party nap nap”The party instantly died down and I don’t care what Fintan and the dancer decides to do but you two better keep your hands where I can see them.May: “Oh forget Fintan and forget that old bag.  You want to meet me behind the cow shed in 20 minutes for a real good time?”

Happiness: “OH BABY I THOUGHT NO ONE WOULD EVER ASK”

May then abruptly left thank god.Courage: “So glad the party started dying down.  I mean, I just got here, what with my exhausting job of babysitting the firestation and all, but it’s still nice to come home to nothing wild in my own home.”

Truth: “I actually have no idea where I put my clothes you know.”

Euphoria: “Ok mostly not wild.”Euphoria: “Alright well now that everyone has abandoned the stereo I’m brave enough to go in there and twerk now, so hold down the kitchen while we’re gone, Robin.”

He’s on it.Well he left awfully fast.  The dead cats took over because of him 😦

Belial: “I always figured Fear would marry one of those clown specters that torment the kids every generation, but I didn’t figure he’d pick one that went full on Ronald McDonald here.”Party died when Truth tried to force Mason to a dance and broke her arms.

Truth: “Come dance with meeeeeeeeeee~”Teagan: “Fear?  My darlin.  Mind tellin me wot this is???”

Fear: “Um.  Poor fashion sense?  Lol.”Teagan: “It’s a MATERNITY gown you fookin twat!!  I tolt ye I din’t want to have any babies, you daft deaf wankstain!!”

Fear: “Yeah but, we said you didn’t have to raise them, I figured that part we already worked out…”

Teagan: “Ye, but figured YOU’d be havin’ te little shites, nae me!!”

Fear: “What, ew, ouch, no???”

Everything is going so smoothly.Next morning, we got a wedding!  For Courage and Shannon!!  Even though it was Fear and Teagan’s bachelor party.  It’s Courage’s day off and he really doesn’t need to miss work in the future (God forbid he misses a burning stone somewhere)And it’s raining.

Courage: “Not on MY watch it is.”Truth: “Oh hey brother.  I got your invitation in the mail for your wedding.  Really shocking since you knew I was planning my Halloween party all year for today as well.  But that’s ok.  I picked your wedding over my own party.  Because I love you.  Jerk.”

Courage: “What did I do”Pain: “Oh shit, so you really ARE just a hoe for your career.  I thought maybe you were actually a doctor or something cool in the day time and was just moonlighting as a booby bouncer on the side but I guess that really is just your full time gig, huh.”

May: “Lol I know right, you wish your titties looked this good in these kinds of outfits.”

Sheryl: “Please give me anything else to do other than actually work on cleaning this house for once”Truth: “I can’t BELIEVE you ALL would rather go to some run of the mill wedding instead of hanging out at the biggest shindig on this side of the Canadian border, I HAD a chocolate fondue fountain the size of a Hummer and you still chose THIS over THAT!!”

Pain: “HELL YEAH girl, tell them how it is!!  Ruin this wedding!! I got your back!!”

Shannon: “I’ll just wait until she gets it out of her system before telling her brother she’s not welcome at our future parties.”Shannon: “No really WHY did she have to wear a costume to my wedding!  Oh goodness… can I request she not be any of the family photos because of it??”

Truth: “My costume is the every day working man.”

Pain: “You’re an idiot is what you’re dressed up as.”Truth: “Oh my Gourd and Gravy, you jerks don’t want me ruining your wedding THAT darn badly I’ll stay over here and wait for it to be done.  For crackers sake.  I didn’t want to risk breaking any of my on fleek fingernails anyway, after all the work I put into making sure they could be seen through my space gloves.”

Fear: “Ugh, Truth.  You’re so damn embarrassing it hurts.  No one even says fleek anymore anyway.”Shannon: “I’m so happy all of our loved ones made it to the wedding.  This truly is the most beautiful day of my life.”Shannon: “But do they HAVE to brainscream their thoughts at everyone else the entire time…”

Euphoria: “Trust me, you get used to it after a while.”

Courage: “Yeah but the second they start screaming about my wife is the day they end up at the bottom of the river.  All I’m saying.”Crystal: “If I knew you were going to be more insane than even I, I would have ensured we would have taken Kay and let you live in Midnight Hollow instead, dear.”

Truth trying real hard to muster a thought about her and Mason: “…Boy owes me a dance.”Anyway wedding time.

Courage: “I have marriage you.”Shannon: “And I are marriage you as well.”TOP TIER WEDDING.  For sure.Crystal: “That’s my boy.  That’s my favorite.  I made that one.  He came out of my vagina and everything.”

Robin: “On God?”Teagan: “BOOOO HOOOOO, I’LL NEVER HAE A WEDDIN’ AS SWEET AN’ LOVIN AS ME SISTER’S SOOBBB”

Truth: “Oh, don’t get too distraught, Teagan!  Fear’s surely about to get around to giving you the best wedding of your life, and who know, maybe he’ll crank a set up right after this one, and we can have a lovely two-fer wedding!  That would be cool!!”Teagan: “Noooo he WONNNNN’T!!  He’s already bookin’ it for the door, he’s nae intrested in makin’ meh an honest woman!!”

Truth: “Well to be fair he IS about to piss all over himself, and he’s trying to make it to the toilet.  Think of it this way; he’s being responsible.  Trust me babe, you REALLY want a responsible man like that!!”Courage: “Now that the prenuptials are over, you thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’…?”

Shannon: “Oh my darling you know your perfectly perpendicular eyebrows do it for me every time!!”Gen Ninnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~Truth:  “I’ll make it known that I’m sorely disappointed that he didn’t make it to my party.  That I held.  Today.  At the same time.  That I PLANNED FOR IN ADVANCE and everything.  Ah well.  Where’s the rest of the bourbon?”

I guess other than the costume I should be grateful she didn’t make a real bad scene.Breadan: “So what you’re saying is if I join your Legion of the Unseen One, and devote my soul to his Being, I’ll be granted everything I desire?  Such as a family and a house just as nice as this one?”

Fear: “Uh, yeah.  Sure.  I guess.  Hand me the arm.”

Happiness: “Haha, your name has Bread in it.”Breadan: “Wait, is there at least a trial free perio-hurghughgdjkffff”

Happiness: “These parties really are the best.”Fear: “If you experience any nausea or drowsiness in the next three days just take an ibprofen and wait it off, ok?”

Happiness: “We really should hang out more like this, you know?”